The votes are in! Everybody’s favorite womanizing, drunk-driving, poetry-reading, stolen-identity-havin’, cigarette-and-marijuana-smokin’, feminist family man has been declared the “The Most Influential Man of 2009”. That man? Don Draper, the fictional lead of AMC’s Mad Men. That’s right – they didn’t choose Jon Hamm, the incredible actor who portrays Don Draper. No, they picked a character from the 1960s! The poll was conducted by AskMen.com, and they claim Draper was chosen because he “represents something about male identity that is enduringly captivating but has nonetheless vanished…a brilliant career man and a temptation-swayed philanderer who sincerely wants to be a family man.” Hm… I’m not sure if I completely agree with that, but sure. Sounds good enough:

Don Draper may be a fictional character on AMC’s Mad Men, but he’s just as real as any other public personality you can think of. Celebrities are brands, with carefully constructed images, and most of us are just as likely to have a beer with Don Draper as with anybody else on this list.

What matters is that Draper’s hardass 1960s persona represents something about male identity that is enduringly captivating but has nonetheless vanished. The man that Don Draper is — value-driven and thoroughly masculine — is the product of a bygone era; without him, there would be no contemporary figure to represent it. Yet, as removed as his persona may be, it is also contemporary and familiar. He’s a postwar archetype, both a brilliant career man and a temptation-swayed philanderer who sincerely wants to be a family man. Like most men, us and our fathers both, Draper is permanently conflicted over how to reconcile his morals and his desires.

Draper illustrates old-school values even though he often fails to meet them himself. His human flaws are what make him so relevant to men today. He is by turns a chain-smoking, drinking-in-the-office emblem of a bygone age, and an unusually real, earnest human being who illustrates the struggles modern men know all too well.

[From Ask Men]

Personally, I love Don Draper (and the actor Jon Hamm) because he is very, very sexy. Not in that “oh, what a cute guy” sort of way, but in that “oh my God, that’s a MAN” sort of way. What’s surprising about the character is that he’s really not that talkative – so when he does speak, everybody listens. That alone is a great quality in a character or a real person, in my opinion. I also adore his sensitivity – he loves to read, he loves movies, he loves art – he has the soul of an artist. And even though he’s living the stolen life of a fellow soldier, he’s a Korean War veteran who has seen death, and it changed him profoundly.

I also love Don because he really is a feminist, before being a “feminist” was really something anyone knew they were. It would be easy to dismiss Don as just another womanizer – but he loves strong, tough, independent women who don’t need him. Those women are his Achilles heel. He prefers talking to women, and he’s most at ease and more “real” with women, even if it is just some random stewardess. Plus, there’s the added feminist-in-the-workplace bonus: Don Draper doesn’t treat the women he works with like crap. He always respects his secretaries, and he’s the kind of man who sets an example for other men who don’t know how to treat women. Draper even promotes raw talent, even if it comes in a skirt, like his promotion of Peggy, his secretary-turned-corporate-manager.

Here’s how Ask Men’s top ten came out, in descending order: Don Draper, Usain Bolt, President Barack Obama, Mark Zuckerberg (the Facebook guy), Simon Cowell, Michael Jackson, Steve Jobs, Roger Federer, Peyton Manning, and Dana White (he’s president of Ultimate Fighting Championship). Meh to the top ten.

Thanks to AMC for these photos

Gia, one of Angelina Jolie’s first major roles is getting re-released. Gia tells the true story of Gia Carangi, a lesbian supermodel who got addicted to heroin, and contracted AIDS from a shared needle. Gia died at the age of 26, and Angelina was all of 22 years old when she made the film. It was actually one of the first things I ever saw Angelina in – and she’s very, very good in it. Angelina ended up winning a Golden Globe and a Screen Actors Guild Award for her performance, and the film won an Emmy for the best made-for-television film. I think the “re-release” hype is all about it being on High Definition now, and the fact that there are some vague promises of the lesbian love scenes (with Lost’s Elizabeth Mitchell!) being “uncensored”. In any case, it’s a good movie, and it’s worth a rental for those who haven’t seen it.

In one other piece of Angelina Jolie news, it seems that she and Brad were the only actors/Hollywood people who made the top ten of Vanity Fair’s annual “Establishment List” (for the complete list, go to Vanity Fair). Brangelina was ranked number eight, right behind Rupert Murdoch. Is Rupert Murdoch only slightly more powerful than Brangelina? Umm… here’s their entry:

8. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie
Actors, activists

LAST YEAR: 9.

STAGE OF GLOBAL CONQUEST: The tabloid-haunted, globe-trotting couple reminded us that they both can really act with Pitt’s Oscar-nominated performance in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Jolie’s in Clint Eastwood’s Changeling.

VOX POPULI: A campaign formed on the Web to recruit Pitt to run for New Orleans mayor even though Pitt hasn’t lived there the requisite five years—Pitt, 45, and Jolie, 34, spent $3.5 million for a French Quarter house in 2007. He isn’t even registered to vote there, and when asked by the Today show’s Ann Curry whether he would enter the election, he replied, “I’m running on the gay-marriage, no-religion, legalization-and-taxation-on-marijuana platform. I don’t have a chance.”

BRAGGING RIGHTS: Jolie’s $27 million in earnings put her atop this year’s Forbes “Celebrity 100” list and ahead of erstwhile romantic rival Jennifer Aniston (who was quoted in Vogue as saying that it was “uncool” for Jolie to talk about how her relationship with Pitt developed while he was married to Aniston). Pitt, meanwhile, scored box office success with Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds.

LATEST ACTS OF DO-GOODERY: The couple’s foundation donated $1 million to the United Nations to help the hundreds of thousands of refugees from violence in Pakistan and Afghanistan. It also donated $1 million for a cancer center in Springfield, Missouri, named after Pitt’s mother, Jane. Pitt gave $100,000 to the No on Prop 8 campaign in California and said that he and Jolie won’t get married until gay people can, too.

YEAR AHEAD: →

[From Vanity Fair]

Some others who made the list were Bono (#34), Tom Hanks (#35), Oprah Winfrey (#38), George Clooney (#39), and Robert DeNiro (#47). Twilight author Stephanie Meyer made the 82nd spot… but alas, Robert Pattinson didn’t make the “Establishment List”. He’ll just have to be happy with being number one on every Twihard’s “Best Imaginary Kiss” List.

Megan Fox is the cover girl for the October issue of Cosmopolitan. Sigh. Yes, we are at the beginning of yet another Megan Fox media tour, so be careful. The last one took four months… and Megan wasn’t even the lead of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. In Jennifer’s Body, she’s actually got the lead, so that means more interviews, more red carpets, more thumb, more insanity. For this interview, Megan name-drops Andy Samberg, Jonah Hill and Brad Pitt. She also uses the words “diarrhea” and “Women hold the power because we have the vaginas.” More words of wisdom, via Just Jared:

On her weirdest phobia: “Touching newspaper.”

On the one thing she’s always wished she’d said “yes” to: The Hannah Montana Movie

On her ideal date: “A sexy sandwich with Andy Samberg and Jonah Hill…”

On the most scared she’s ever been: “Everytime I go on stage — instant diarrhea.”

On being able to count the number of guys she’s gotten naked in front of on one hand: “I never call them guys. I always called them boys. Maybe it’s a superiority complex–my needing to keep them down.”

On women having the power in a het relationship: “Women hold the power because we have the vaginas. If you’re in a heterosexual relationship and you’re a female, you win.”

On being a firm believer in monogamy: “I have no problem with commitment–you can’t have a real relationship without it. I can flip on a switch in my brain, and even if the next Brad Pitt is standing next to me, I won’t look at him. but I can also turn that switch of, and then I collect attractive boys.” (She’s currently dating Brian Austin Green.)

On not going for the typical Hollywood types: “It’s fun when someone intends to put you in his back pocket, but instead, he walks away wounded. I make it a mind game so they don’t know if I’m hitting on them or mocking them. Male actors drop lines about their private jets, trying to seem powerful, but I don’t give a s—. I don’t need someone else’s power. I’m obtaining my own.”

[From Just Jared]

“…Even if the next Brad Pitt is standing next to me, I won’t look at him.” Yeah, right. I know I’ve been accused of hating on Megan Fox for being dumb and budget and all of that, so I’ll try something new – I’ll give her credit for something. I think she’s being honest when she says she doesn’t “need someone else’s power”. Unlike many young actresses who date who their management teams pre-approve, I don’t think Megan is like that. Her agent and publicist can’t be happy she’s still with Brian Austin Green, so I give her credit for sticking with the guy she loves, rather than forming a more media-friendly “relationship”.

Header via CoverAwards. Other photos of Megan Fox are from the Teen Choice Awards on 8/9/09. Credit: PRPhotos

Heather Mills sure knows how to give average, run-of-the-mill hypocrites a run for their money. The crazed loony – who has long been criticized for her poorly received attempts at social climbing – has decided to further ostracize herself from the nice people that used to have her over for dinner when she was married to a Beatle. For some reason Heather was invited to give a speech to the debate society at Trinity College in Dublin. I have no idea why they would want to give such a raving diatribist an academic soapbox. It’s like encouraging her mad delusions. During her hour and a half long speech (I can’t help but wonder if it really was supposed to be that long) Mills went off on the rich, calling them stingy and snobby. This is the same woman who turned down several divorce settlements in the $50 million range.

Mills McCartney said she was reluctantly obliged to befriend the world’s wealthy because that was the only way to maximize her power as an agent for change.

“Sadly, you have to mix at a certain level of people to raise the level of funds you need to bring about the greater good,” she said. “Because people are very snobby. These people who have lots of money, they’re either snobby or they’re stingy. If you have lots of money, you have to be stingy — because why would you want that amount of money?”

She also compared herself to human rights crusaders down through the ages, suggesting they all had been victimized for their beliefs. “If you look at every single person in the history of the world who has tried to make a difference, you’ll find a very long section of their lives where they were treated horrifically by the government or by the media,” she said.

[From Fox News]

Yeah I laughed pretty hard too. Heather Mills is calling someone else snobby? I would be really curious to hear a psychologist’s take on what is actually wrong with her. It’s more than your regular garden-variety narcissism. It’s especially ironic that Heather is criticizing the wealthy given that in the rough draft for her upcoming book, she talks about her desire for social status and brags about mingling with the upper crust and, “wanting that power for herself” and her “hope to find a rich and powerful man of her own.” The only consolation I have when thinking about Heather Mills is that old adage that the people you meet on the way up are the same ones you meet on the way down. And something tells me she hasn’t managed to stay in the good graces of the people that helped her climb.

Picture note by Celebitchy Heather Mills is shown in Dublin not looking like a snob outside her hotel on 11/21. Thanks to WENN for this picture.