I cannot stress enough how much Robert Pattinson needs to take a class on red carpet posing. The boy always looks unhinged and ridiculous on red carpets, because he’s always making crazy faces. I get that he thinks it’s funny (maybe), and sure, I had a giggle when I was sifting through all of these photos, trying to find pics of Sparkles where he didn’t look like “ZOMG SPARKLEDONG CODE RED”. He needs a class. Or just someone should sit him down and say “Dude, there are millions of photos of you on the red carpet where you look like an idiot.”

Anyway, these are photos from last night’s premiere of Water for Elephants. Reese Witherspoon wore a lovely Jason Wu cocktail dress (with beading!) that I kind of love. Yes, it’s a look that we’ve seen from Reese before, but there’s a reason she comes back to this silhouette time and time again: it really, really works on her. Reese told People Magazine that it is “great” being married again, but that Sparkles still hasn’t sent her a wedding gift: “Not yet and I am waiting… Tell him tick-tock, I am waiting!” Reese also let her Twihard come out a bit, telling People on the red carpet that she was “so lucky. We had great time. Not only is he super sexy and obviously incredibly handsome, but he’s really a lovely, nice person.”

This is maybe my favorite photo of the day:

More photos from the premiere, including the other Oscar-winning star, Christoph Waltz:

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Last week, we had the horrible photos from the American premiere of Sucker Punch. The photos were just terrible, because all of the “stars” of the film were dressed like they were in a B-list pageant: lots of tacky satin gowns and angst. Last night was the London premiere for Sucker Punch, and I have to admit, some of the girls stepped it up a notch. Vanessa Hudgens is the obvious leader, I suppose, just because I know who she is. The gown is Alberta Ferretti. I like the gown, in general. I probably would have liked it better on someone else, but I don’t hate it on Vanessa.

I do have two problems with it, though. First of all, Vanessa is a compulsive over-dresser and pageant-gown-wearer. If it’s made from cheap looking satin, Vanessa buys it. This is one of the higher-quality gowns she’s worn, and that deserves applause, but she’s still over-dressed for a premiere, in my opinion. Second problem: this dress should have better tailoring. There’s too much fabric in the midsection, and it makes Vanessa look thick-waisted (which she is not).

And since I’m not feeling up to dissecting each of the “stars” dress-by-dress, here’s a group photo. I actually think Jena Malone is the most improved. Abbie Cornish just CANNOT dress to save her life, though.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Now for the photos of all of the girls at the Sucker Punch premiere (the Hamm Dong photos are HERE). The red carpet was a litany of “WHO?!?” and “Why are they all dressed like pageant girls?” First off, the star of this little ensemble, Emily Browning. She’s the blonde chick in the film, but for the red carpet, she wore red hair and black lipstick. Because it’s 1995. Also, she was one of the few ladies who wore cocktail length in this Erdem, so good for her.

Next up, Vanessa Hudgens in Jenny Packham. It would have looked interesting on another girl, at a different event. But on V-Hud, at a premiere in which she’s the fourth lead, it’s too much and too pageanty.

Emma Roberts isn’t in the film, she just showed up for the premiere. I honestly think she was one of the best-dressed at the premiere too. Cute pants, cute top = great premiere-wear.

Malin Akerman isn’t in the movie either, but any excuse to throw on a gown, I suppose. Why is she trying to out-pageant the stars of the movie?

Jena Malone is my pick for worst-dressed at the event. This outfit is just tragic. Something is going on with her face too. Sigh… at least she’s actually in the movie, though.

I think Carla Gugino is so, so pretty. I actually like this dress on her too, but I think it would have been so much cuter on a premiere red carpet if it was tea-length or knee-length.

Abbie Cornish in Amanda Wakeley…zzz….zzz…..

Diane Lane, why are you there? And why are you wearing this tangerine fugness?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

There’s a new TV documentary out about Oceans creator Jerry Weintraub called His Way. It premieres on HBO April 4, and if it includes candid footage with celebrities I’m there! Some of the stars of the popular disjointed buddy crime caper series came out for the premiere last night, and there were plenty of other celebrities there to show support. Matt Damon was looking grumpy hot and flying solo and there were so many other big names there it’s hard to do justice to them all. As Kaiser pointed out to me, George Clooney and Brad Pitt were noticeably absent. We still have plenty of other people to talk about though.

James and Scott Caan, intergenerational hotness.

Don Cheadle – ditch the bowling shoes and vary your wardrobe a little!

Ellen Barkin looks like ET

Mariel Hemingway looks like Ellen Barkin’s too tight sister. It’s a shame.

Kelly Lynch. Holy Botox! She’s 52 though, can you believe it?

Cindy Crawford. This is what good work (+ good genes) look like.

Anne Heche. Crazy bitch. I can’t believe she’s still with this guy she cheated with.

Sharon Stone. Ditto on the crazy bitch part.

Joan Collins. Fabulous coat.

Elliot Gould. He just makes me smile. I love that he’s listening to his iPod on the red carpet.

Bruce Willis and his young bride Emma Hemming. I can’t believe she’s not knocked up yet. Bruce Willis for HGF!

Emile Hirsh – HGF candidate? He’s cute!

Damon again before he roughly pushes me up against the wall, letting me mess up his hair for hours before we finally leave the house to get something to eat and go to the damn barber already. (While I spend the day at the spa.) I can’t believe it’s only Wednesday.*sigh*

And here’s Jerry Weintraub with Ellen Barkin.

photo credit: Juan Rico/Fame Pictures

So David Schwimmer from Friends got married last June to a 25 year-old British waitress and photographer named Zoe Buckman. They didn’t announce the marriage until a few months later, and it was mildly shocking since David is 44 and is nearly 19 years older than Zoe. They’d been together for about three years at that point, though, and David is just a minor celebrity so no one made a big deal out of it. Zoe did look too young for him in my opinion, but their age difference didn’t seem as striking and David still looks like he could be 30-something. (I’m not loving his beard or the Elvis hair, but he still looks good.) Anyway Zoe is pregnant, they made the announcement in December when she was “four or five months” along. She must be seven or eight months now. David and Zoe were at a screening of “Trust,” a movie David directed about an online sex predator. Kaiser already covered the Clive Owen pornstache photos (he plays the vengeful dad) so here are some more.

I don’t know who this chick is who is touching Zoe’s bump, but this photo was so funny to me. It’s like she’s trying to steal a peppermint from the dish at the cash register without having bought anything.

Catherine Keneer wore a really unfortunate tiered black dress with strange reddish brown lace up dress shoes. (She plays the mom.) I really like her and hate to see her dressed like this. Don’t get me started on her hair!

Viola Davis looked great though in a black belted dress suit paired with a orange silk top. Her hair and makeup were so well done.

This movie has a dumb premise and I can’t even find the release date on IMDB (I’m sure it’s out in limited release) but it sure has enough talent in it.

Photo credit: Juan Rico/Fame Pictures

God knows, I love Pink. I really do! She’s cool and she’s tough but she doesn’t try too hard. I even love seeing her “bump” photos – for a while, she seemed to be carrying small, and she was an adorable pregnant lady. Unfortunately, THIS happened. This is Pink at last night’s premiere of The Lincoln Lawyer, a film I kind of want to see just because I enjoy cheesy legal thrillers. Pink wore this crazy, navel-grazing muumuu that makes her look like a HUGE blueberry. Now, I’m not opposed to pregnant ladies wearing muumuus, at all. I’m not opposed to any woman wearing muumuus, in general. But not on a red carpet!!! Honestly, though, I think maybe I would have accepted the muumuu if the hair had been better. This hair is ten different kinds of tragic. Grey mushroom cap? For real?

Also at the premiere, the star of the film, Matthew McConaughey, who looked all kinds of rough as well. Is it just the horrendous fake tan? It’s something else, right? Something weird is happening with his face. I think it may be a combination of orange-ness, receding hair line, hair too long in the back, skin damage, weight loss and just general grossness. Camila looks pretty though.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Alyssa Milano announced her pregnancy earlier this week. CB and I had an extended conversation about it, oddly enough. We debated whether or not people cared – it’s not like people wish Alyssa harm or anything, but we also wondered if she still really had anything by way of a fan base. Anyway, we ended up not writing about it until now. Alyssa showed off her bump last night at the premiere of Hall Pass, that stupid-and-offensive-looking movie starring Owen Wilson and Jason Sudeikis, amongst others. I think Alyssa is in it too. In any case, Alyssa wore this jacked up grey skirt that might have been cute if wasn’t fitted to go right under her boobs. It’s just… unflattering. I know maternity styles are different, but Alyssa seems like she’s into her second trimester by now, and there’s no reason to look like she just got an oversized skirt from Target and hiked that junk up. That being said, her hair and makeup look good. She’s a very pretty woman.

The award for most unattractive outfit goes to Christina Applegate. Once again, I know that her style choices are limited, considering she just had a baby. But could she have found a more flattering muumuu?

Here’s Jason Sudeikis, trying to be the cool guy.

Owen Wilson, who is actually The Cool Guy.

And lastly, Jenna Fisher. Sigh… Jenna. Girl. Hire somebody to dress you. This is one of the most flattering things I’ve ever seen her in, but the bar has been set really, really low. It looks like she’s dressed up to go to a high school dance. Some women just do that clothes – this dress could be a solid look on another woman, but on Jenna, it just looks so dated and cheap.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

As slurry as Jennifer Aniston may come across in interviews, she can be cunning like a fox. Plastic surgery victim Heidi Montag whined to US Weekly that she was banned from the premiere of Just Go With It, in which she has some kind of cameo featuring her tits and ass, due to the 41 year-old divorcee’s influence. From what Heidi said, Aniston pulled rank and made sure that Montag wasn’t able to walk the red carpet. Given the way that Heidi and Spencer work the media I wouldn’t be surprised if Heidi made this whole thing up for publicity after realizing she’d gained five pounds and could no longer fit into the skintight dress she picked out for the premiere. Aniston’s publicist suggested as much.

Although Heidi Montag had a cameo in the star’s comedy, Just Go With It, she claims she wasn’t allowed to walk the carpet at the flick’s NYC premiere Tuesday.

“I’m so upset,” the former reality star, 24, tells the new issue of Us Weekly (on stands now). “I was so excited! This is the first movie I’ve ever been in and I can’t walk the red carpet because Jennifer Aniston decided I was ‘too polarizing.’”

Montag, who renewed her vows with husband Spencer Pratt, 27, in November after their very public split adds that she had already designed her own dress for the event and made a deal with producers not to go to any events beforehand.

“I’ve been such a huge Jennifer Aniston fan my entire life and it’s just really upsetting that she would do this to me,” says Montag. “She should know how hard it is to make a career for yourself and to have someone like Jennifer Aniston go out of her way to make things hard for me is really disheartening.”

However a rep for Aniston, 41, claims she has no issues with the reality star. “This is absolutely false. Jennifer has nothing to do with who was or was not invited,” her rep tells Us

[From US Weekly]

If this is true, points to Aniston! Heidi said Aniston’s full name too many times though, it’s like a tell that she’s making this up. “Jennifer Aniston said I was polarizing… I’m a Jennifer Aniston fan… Jennifer Aniston went out of her way for me,” etc. She’s really saying “If I say her name enough times like Candyman I’ll magically appear in a story alongside her.” “Vowla” (as Heidi spells it) her wish came true! Let me try the magic formula – “Jennifer Aniston told Kaiser she’s not an alcoholic… Jennifer Aniston said she’s telling the truth about wanting babies sometime far off in the future… Jennifer Aniston said she still talks to Brad.” Now all I have to do is wait. It worked for Perez Hilton!

Aniston was on Good Morning America today and you can watch her interview below. She said it was really fun working with Adam Sandler and that they were dying laughing when they saw the final movie at the premiere. The clip they showed wasn’t that funny though. She also said she’s looking for a place to live in New York City.

Candids of Aniston are from today and were taken outside the GMA studios. Credit: Fame. Other photos credit: WENN.com

When Kaiser and I went to the movies on Sunday I was really surprised to see a poster for the upcoming Justin Bieber documentary, Never Say Never, which is out this Friday. I haven’t been in the US for about six months so I’m still struck by American pop culture stuff I should already know because of my job. Anyway I vaguely remember hearing about this movie but am surprised at what a huge phenomenon this doofy 16 year old with the attitude has become. I guess the Jonas Brothers are old and busted.

The big premiere for the film was last night in LA. The Biebs had his expensive mop coiffed and his bitchface on and a bunch of young and old stars came out for him. He’s the male Miley and he’s taking his job seriously. Access Hollywood has footage of the crowd at the premiere and they go crazy for this kid. The interviewer even compares it to Beatlemania. Justin seems to have a similarly falsely inflated view of himself, and said that “They’re all here for me, so that’s incredible.” As for what he would “never say never” to, he said “To winning a Grammy this year.”

Bieber also confirmed what Matthew Perry told Ellen – that he used to use the name “Chandler Bing” as his alias in hotels. He said he’s since changed it.

Usher, who produced Justin Bieber and is surely cashing in big time from his success, brought his two adorable little boys to the premiere. He told Access Hollywood that Bieber’s story is “a story of success, a story of triumph… but definitely an All American story.” Bieber is Canadian and had just told that same interviewer that he won’t sing the american anthem because he’s Canadian.

Other celebrities at the premiere included the Willow Smith family, Bieber’s presumed girlfriend Selena Gomez, and Miley Cyrus in a weird flower print mumu over bell bottoms and a crop top. She’s wearing like a miniature cow’s head necklace. Leona Lewis, Jane Lynch, Heather Locklear, Chris Brown, Melanie B and Kylie and Kendall Jenner were also there.

Here’s the trailer for Never Say Never. I’m so sorry to those of you with tweens who may have to sit through this. I’ll be seeing Gnomeo and Juliet.

Photo credit: WENN.com

As I said in the Ashton Kutcher-Demi Moore post, I’m splitting up the photos from the No Strings Attached premiere. This is the Natalie Portman post – because just like I could talk about Demi’s hair forever and a day, I could also talk about how much I’m enjoying Natalie Portman’s bad pregnancy style. Granted, this Vena Cava dress is probably one of the better things she’s worn since her belly “popped” but that’s not really saying much. I don’t mind loose-cut black gowns on pregnant women. Ladies have earned the right to be comfortable, and to not shove their “bumps” in our faces. My problem with Natalie’s dress is whatever the hell is happening at the neckline. Nude fabric and red halter/piping? The hell? I’m just going to say it: Natalie has a piping problem. There. It’s out there.

Here’s a closeup of Natalie’s engagement ring – it’s very fancy. Not my style, but I appreciate the craftsmanship.

And if you’re worried about Natalie doing to much in her condition, first of all, hahahahaha. She loves doing all of this. This is her Oscar campaign. Second of all, these events are all that she’s doing. Natalie told reporters: “I’m just doing these events, and then I’m going to try to take it easy.” She also said: “I told [director] Darren Aronofsky, I was like, ‘First you got me skinny, and now you’re getting my fat,’ because he introduced me to my fiance. It’s the greatest gift he ever gave me.”

One last Portman thing – her ad for Miss Cherie Dior has come out. It’s pretty sexy – she’s topless and throwing a little sexy bitchface. Nice.

Photos courtesy of WENN.