Prince Charles committed quite the royal accident recently when he invited Dita Von Teese to perform at Prince Harry’s upcoming birthday party in September. Charles met her at a Cartier event, and had no idea who she was – other than a “dancer” as she put it. Thinking she was pretty – and she does appear very classy – he said Harry loved dancers and suggested she perform. Once he’d been informed by his aids about exactly what kind of dancing Dita does, he “his fist to within an inch of its knuckle.”

The generously-eared royal [Prince Charles] met the gothic flasher at the toff-infested Cartier International Polo Tournament at the Guards Club in Windsor, London. Charmed by her alabaster assets, he asked what she did for a living and Dita, 35, replied: “I’m a dancer.” This vague job description failed to convey that her act involves giving a rhythmic biology lesson in a giant martini glass and doing the sort of things to a massive olive which are illegal in most countries.

Perhaps buoyed by the sun and Pimms and presuming her performance involved a cheeky Charleston, Chazza invited her to perform at Prince Harry’s 24th birthday. Our man said: “Poor Charles was so embarrassed when he realised what he’d done. He genuinely had no idea about her raunchy stage act. She was stunned when he suggested the idea, explaining that his son loved a good dance.

“But he gnawed his fist to within an inch of its knuckle when his aides explained what sort of dancing she did for a living.” We’re sure Prince Harry will forgive his old man when the burlesque performer toasts his big day with a giant glass of champagne garnished with her own breasties.

[From the Daily Star]

It’s hard to tell just how accurate this story is, but it certainly seems like the kind of mishap that could legitimately take place. Prince Charles doesn’t exactly strike me as someone who is super up-to-date and current on the hot celebrities. Though one would think he would have someone apologize to Dita Von Teese and cancel her performance. As interesting as that would be, I think it could make for quite the royal scandal. And they really don’t need any more of those.

Here’s Dita Von Teese and Prince Charles (with his wine powered Aston Martin – coolest thing ever) at the Cartier International Polo tournament in London on Sunday. Images thanks to WENN.

Prince Harry has been carrying on his mother’s good work by spending time rebuilding schools in Lesotho, a small, landlocked African nation of 1.8 million people. One out of three people in the country has HIV or AIDS. Harry first visited the country during his gap year between high school and college. After being moved by the experience, he set up a charity he named Sentebale – which means Forget Me Not in the local language – which focuses on helping the country build important infrastructure and deal with the HIV/AIDS epidemic.

Prince Harry is once again raising a hand to help the AIDS-stricken African nation of Lesotho, this time building a special-needs school with his army buddies from the Household Cavalry’s Blues and Royals regiment. Harry, 23, says he hopes the facility in the northern town of Butha Buthe will be the first of many that can be provided by his Sentebale charitable foundation, reports Britain’s Telegraph.

“At Sentebale, as long as we can keep funding the projects, we can make a massive, massive difference,” the newspaper quotes Harry as saying – as he was building a ramp to help disabled students get to school. Once completed, the Thuso Centre will welcome more than 40 children with severe physical and mental disabilities – the first such school of its kind in the small kingdom.

“Everything here is just so positive and fantastic,” says the royal. “Once the project is finished, we hope to make another in the center [of the nation] and one in the south. The children of Lesotho, the vulnerable children of Lesotho, that’s what we’re working towards.”

[From People]

Prince Harry also mentioned that his trip to Lesotho was not a photo op, but that he hoped his presence would bring more attention to the country. He said that many NGOs have left, believing the country too small and it’s problems too great to be solved. Which is incredibly sad to hear. Harry has been to the country several times to help build and oversee Sentebale.

Here’s Prince Harry touring the Royal Norfolk Show in England on June 25th. Photographer: Anwar Hussein; Images thanks to WENN.

On Thursday the Drudge Report leaked information that Brittan’s Prince Harry, 23, has been serving with his military unit in Afghanistan since December. The media had agreed to keep his deployment private, since knowledge of his whereabouts would endanger his life. Harry is a cornet, which is the equivalent to a second lieutenant in the U.S. He was in Afghanistan as a forward air controller with the Joint Tactical Air Control. Not too shabby for a guy who used to be most known for little more than his hard partying. Harry said that he was glad the British press had stuck to their end of the bargain, but was pretty disappointed that the foreign press had given up his whereabouts. Within an hour of the leak, Harry was on his way back to England – four weeks shy of the end of his deployment.

“I didn’t see it coming, obviously it’s a shame,” the 23-year-old said. ” I am so disappointed, I thought I could see it through to the end and come back with our guys and the colonel himself.”

He added, “I suppose I think deep down inside it would be quite nice to have a bath … but, no, I’d like to still be out there with the guys … I would love to go back out. I want to go out very very soon.”

On Saturday, Harry said he was “surprised by the way the British media kept to their side of the bargain and … I am very grateful to that.” He added, “At the same time it doesn’t surprise me that once again it came down to media, foreign media, that’s once again spilled the beans.”

[From CNN]

Prince Charles said he gained new respect for how hard it is for families to have children serving overseas. He said he was glad to have Harry home, but also disappointed that his tour had been cut short. CNN reports that within a short time of the news leak, messages were posted on several Islamist Web sites “alerting their “brethren” in Afghanistan to be on the lookout for the royal soldier.”

The prince is apparently back with his girlfriend, Zimbabean student Chelsy Davy, 22. She left school in Leeds to join Prince Harry and his family for a celebration on Saturday evening. Harry has gotten a lot of positive press for going to Afghanistan – he certainly could easily have gotten out of it if he wanted to. It took a lot more effort for him to make it work. He was not allowed to go with Iraq, as it was deemed too dangerous. As a result, most people assumed he wouldn’t be allowed to serve anywhere in the Middle East. Both he and the army obviously went to great lengths to get it to work. Prince Harry has said he hopes to be able to go back, and plans to continue his military career. He’s certainly turned into a man his mother would be proud of.

Here’s Prince Harry patrolling the deserted town of Garmisir close to FOB (forward operating base) Delhi in Helmand Province on January 2nd, eating a a boil-in-the-bag lunch in the desert in Helmand Province on February 19th, and returning home at RAF Brize Norton in Oxfordshire, England on March 1st. Images thanks to WENN.

Since the death of Princess Diana the British royal family have been trying to make themselves a little more hip. Prince Charles got his act together and married Camilla, Princes William and Harry party like the most common of frat boys, and Queen Elizabeth II has become more stylish in her dress. But what she hasn’t particularly publicised is her apparent love of technology.

Prince William got a Wii over the holidays. His girlfriend was nice enough to pick it up for him. He was having a lot of fun with it, that is, while he had the chance to play. Now the console is being hogged by none other than the Queen! Apparently she is a natural at Wii Sports Bowling. Apparently, the Queen has become a bit of a technophile in recent years. Now she’s added the Wii to her list of must-have gadgets.

GoNintendo

Now, I would have been pretty sceptical about the Queen being so tech savvy, but she does have her own YouTube channel. She also has a Blackberry and and MP3 player, and has had a personal email address since 2001.

Do you think she’s got the best internet connection in Britain? Do you think she does internet searches for herself? Finds fan sites? Does she read gossip sites to see what her naughty grandsons are up to?

Note by Celebitchy: We have the Wii sports pack and the thing is so much fun for everyone in the family. I’m also amazed by how much you actually have to exercise to play some of the games, particularly tennis and boxing, although golf is my favorite. Why does golf only have one course though? That seems like a major oversight.

Though the royals may seem to live pretty charmed lives, they’re just like the rest of us – in that even they are not immune from heartbreak. Prince Harry, generally seen as the wild and reckless of prince, had managed to stay with his longtime girlfriend Chelsy Davy, for three years. That’s no small feat for any 21-year-old, and certainly for someone who could date nearly any girl in world. However it appears that Chelsy has dumped Harry after he chose to spend her birthday at the rugby world cup final in Paris.

Prince Harry and his girlfriend of more than three years, Chelsy Davy, have split, London newspapers are reporting. A spokeswoman at the palace declined to comment on the widespread reports – some of which claimed Davy, 22, was upset with the prince’s playboy lifestyle, including his attending the rugby world cup final in Paris in October instead of celebrating her birthday with her. The couple met during Harry’s gap year between school and joining the army. They shared a love of Africa, where Davy, the daughter of a safari company owner in Zimbabwe, grew up. And they have spent many vacations there, camping out and watching the wildlife on exotic safaris in countries like Botswana.

In July, Davy, who recently started a post-graduate degree course at Leeds University in northern England, took a front row seat next to her prince in the stands of Wembley Stadium during the Concert for Diana. The couple were openly affectionate that day and, in the evening, they were seen hugging and kissing at the afterparty.

[From People]

It’s probably good for both of them that Chelsy had enough respect for herself not to tolerate anymore of Harry’s inconsiderate behavior. It’s good for her because she’s not so desperate to be with him that she’ll suffer through anything. It’s good for Harry because hopefully he’s learned that if he treats someone poorly, he’ll lose them. The other advantages his life has given him might have made him feel he could treat a girlfriend disrespectfully. Hopefully he’ll learn from this and be more considerate to his future partners. Yes that sounds naïve, but we never know just how much he loved Chelsy: there’s a chance Harry’s as distraught right now as any of the rest of us would be. There’s also a chance he’s got three strippers wrapped around him as we speak. It could go either way.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Prince Harry visiting Wembley Arena before the Diana Memorial Concert. Images thanks to PR Photos. Header image of Prince Harry and Chelsy Davy together at the Diana Memorial Concert on July 1st, 2007.

Prince Harry is being depicted dead, in his military uniform, for a London art show. Just in case you think this might be real art, this is produced by Daniel Edwards, who produced that horror inducing sculpture of Britney giving birth, and another of Suri cruise’s first poop. He’s also done some others of Hilary Clinton’s cleavage, Paris Hilton undergoing an autopsy, and Fidel Castro dead.

The piece, entitled Iraq War Memorial Featuring The Death Of Prince Harry, The Martyr of Maysan Province, suggests how Harry - son of Prince Charles and the late princess Diana - would look had he gone to Iraq and been killed.

Harry, 23, is an officer in the British army like his elder brother William.

Earlier this year, officials decided he would not be able to serve in Iraq because of the risk, despite previously saying he could go.

The sculpture shows a life-size Harry lying on his back, clasping a locket featuring a picture of his mother, with pennies placed over his eyes, his head resting on a copy of the bible and a vulture perched on his boot.

Sydney Morning Herald

The artist claims that ‘Prince Harry’s spirit must have died the day they told him he couldn’t serve’. Do you really think so? After all, isn’t being in the military more of a family tradition rather than a calling for the royals? I think his spirit died when he was five and got told he couldn’t be a fireman. I know mine did. Mum was trying to explain I wouldn’t be a man when I grew up, but I was hugely confused.

I was almost ready to accept that this sculpture was art, and had a message, until I read it had no ears. An Iraqi militia reportedly offered to kill Harry and send the ears back to Queen Elizabeth. A bronze casting of the ears – severed? – is to be sold on eBay, and people are encouraged to leave cards and gifts with dead Harry’s corpse. I assume the gift they’re encouraged to leave is cash.

Picture note by Celebitchy: I was confused by images of the state that show the ears intact, but Radar notes that the images show “a clay mold of the work—prior to unveiling the finished piece, the artist will remove the ears.” Nice. Thanks to MAzine.ws and Goldcoast.com.au for these pics.

Prince Harry has some serious party issues. He sounds like that guy everyone knew in college who was totally cool to get plastered with, but you’d never really want to know outside of that context. Except Prince Harry is third in line to the throne, so you’d probably deal with knowing him sober, just because it’d be cool. News of the World, admittedly not the most reliable source, has some pretty clear pictures of Prince Harry snorting alcohol while on vacation in Namibia last November. I thought Namibia was just a place celebrities went to when they wanted to have fancy babies in private. I didn’t realize it’s also a good place to snort alcohol. Though to be fair, I also didn’t realize a person could snort alcohol. But apparently it can be done, and like much of anything else you snort, it gets the item into your bloodstream a lot faster. Heaven forbid we have to drink an extra shot or two of tequila, when you can just inhale it up your nostrils. Lovely.

“These are the shocking pictures that show Prince Harry inhaling vodka through his nose in a drinking game medical experts warn could KILL. Our exclusive shots—taken from a video of Harry’s holiday in Namibia—will bring fresh shame on the boozed-up royal. In the video, pals cheer loudly as Harry slugs a bottle cap of vodka, swills it around his mouth, spits it back into the cap and then snorts it up his nose. Seconds later, Harry—a 2nd Lieutenant in the Blue and Royals —closes his eyes and shakes his head as the alcohol, shooting straight into his bloodstream, takes effect.”

[From News of the World]

So why shouldn’t Prince Harry just booze it up all the hell he wants because he’s young and who the hell cares? Well some experts have some pretty compelling reasons. But again, I’m not judging, just passing along the information so the rest of you don’t start snorting alcohol, thinking “If Prince Harry does it, it MUST be a smart idea!”

“Experts on drink abuse have warned that the game is potentially deadly. Professor Ian Gilmore, president of the Royal College of Physicians, said: ‘There are all sorts of additives that could cause an allergic reaction which could damage the lungs, mucus membranes of the nose and trachea. It could kill.’ David Nott, who runs the Manor Clinic rehab centre and is a member of the Federation of Drug and Alcohol Professionals, said: ‘Anybody acting in this manner continually will do severe damage, which could be deadly.’ Frank Soodeen from Alcohol Concern added: ‘By by-passing the liver, you run the risk of inflaming the brain and possibly causing long-term damage. It’s a practice to be avoided at all costs. It’s very irresponsible.’”

[From News of the World]

So those seem like pretty compelling reason to me to avoid being a total moron. Again, not judging. I don’t really think Prince Harry is under any obligation to set a good example to the rest of the world – he didn’t choose his fame in any way (though he’s certainly not running from it). But it’s not like he’s a pop singer who’s trying to be a teen idol, he’s someone who was born into his celebrity and can’t exactly walk away from it. But I think it might be a good idea not to stick random stuff up your nose, just as a general principle. When my mom was six, she put a button up her nose, to see if it would fit. Turns out it did, just barely, and she had to go to the hospital to get it out. Though she did get rewarded with a new doll to make up for her suffering. See what I’m saying here Prince Harry? Stop putting crap up your nose. It’s exit only. If you don’t listen, you might end up in the hospital with a new doll too. And of all the embarrassing stuff you’ve done, getting your photo taken with a Kewpie doll probably isn’t the quickest route to dignity.

Prince Harry’s girlfriend (or is she his fiancé?) has topped pizza maker Goodfellas list of sexiest summer celebrities.

She was followed by Hollywood beauties Jessica Alba, Scarlett Johansson and Cameron Diaz.

Sienna Miller was fourth, just ahead of chart star Rihanna and Girls Aloud’s Cheryl Cole. Kate Middleton, girlfriend of Prince William, was in seventh place.

Paris Hilton and Big Brother’s Chanelle completed the top 10.

The boys of Britain weren’t left out of the competition.

The X Factor presenter Dermot O’Leary was a surprise choice at number one. He was followed by T4 hunk Steve Jones. Johnny Depp, Justin Timberlake and Orlando Bloom came next.

Prince Harry appeared in the list at number six - three places ahead of brother William.

The top 10 also included Jude Law, David Beckham and Liam from Big Brother.

thisisnottingham.co.uk

Rumours are hitting the tabloids again that Harry and Chelsy are engaged, but she isn’t going to be attending the Princess Diana Memorial service. Neither is Kate Middleton, or Camilla.

In a statement, Camilla said she had been “touched” to be invited to the event by Charles and Diana’s sons, Princes William and Harry, but had decided to stay away.

“I accepted and wanted to support them,” she said. “However, on reflection, I believe my attendance could divert attention from the purpose of the occasion which is to focus on the life and service of Diana.”

New Zealand Herald

I can only imagine that Diana, who hated Camilla her entire marriage, who blamed her for it’s ultimate break-up, would hate that smirking woman (why does she smirk all the time? Is it requirement of royalty when appearing in public to smile?) sitting next to her ex-husband in the front row of her memorial service. I must add a clause to my will instructing my husband that I don’t want his new wife anywhere near my grave, my funeral or my memorial. Except unlike Diana, if I knew my husband was cheating, I wouldn’t be the first to die…tee hee.

Picture note by celebitchy: Chelsy Davy is shown on a girl’s night out on 7/11/07, thanks to Splash News. Camilla Parker Bowles is shown at the Brit Awards on 5/3/07. Thanks to PRPhotos.

The United Kingdom issue of Cosmopolitan magazine has issued a list of eleven eligible, desirable men.

Why eleven? And who are they?

1. Orlando Bloom –Actor from Pirates of the Caribbean.
2. Wentworth Miller – That guy from Prison Break.
3. Prince Harry – British prince, not the one who’s going to be king.
4. Prince William – The other British prince who will be king of England.
5. Jude Law – If you don’t know who Jude Law is, rent Alfie and Closer.
6. Lewis Hamilton – Formula one driver
7. Robbie Williams – British pop star. Very tattooed and sexy.
8. Jason Orange – Used to be in a band with Robbie Williams. Who picked him?
9. Alex Zane – English actor.
10. Sam Branson – Richard Branson’s son.
11. David Gandy – Model.

For your viewing pleasure, click here to check them out.

Orlando Bloom secured 21% of the vote, and I’m guessing a lot of it is based on his Prince Charming role as Will turner in Pirates of the Caribbean, and less for his role as a long haired elf in Lord of the Rings.

If only the real princes, William and Harry, could be as attractive as Orlando. Every time a poll comes out of Britain those two seem to feature highly, but I wouldn’t describe them as sexy at all. Then again, the Cosmopolitan survey was ranking them on desirability, and royalty is perhaps desirable. I’m a little unsure about the family as a package though.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Pictures via the OMG, Orlando Bloom is hoooooot! thread on the JJB board, which has over 110 pages of people agreeing that Bloom is indeed hoooooot and posting picture proof.

The News of the World reports Red Prince Harry’s online romancing complete with secret nicknames, internet trends and getting’ buck nekkid

BESOTTED Prince Harry has confessed his love for Chelsy Davy – on a website used by millions.

The prince posts intimate messages on Facebook, a new MySpace-style social network, to keep in touch with Chelsy.

Harry, 22, uses the codename Spike Wells and calls Chelsy “Chicken.”

I can’t be the only one to note that it’s a very stripper spelling of the name “Chelsy.” Perhaps it went so thoroughly round the popular girls name cycle — that it popped back up in the British upperclass — I look forward to a slew of titled types: Lady Destineee, Baroness Peachez, or Lusshuss Marchioness of Queensbury. Perhaps the upper classes worldwide have become so undifferentiated from the trashy attractions of contemporary money and power that stripper names are all the rage.

The Facebook silliness continued when Harry was coming home from a London Club:

Harry got out his laptop and wrote on Facebook: “Spike is TAKING OFF ALL HIS CLOTHES, waiting for chicken!”

The lesson here kids … don’t drink and post.

On January 23, Harry joked about how depressed he was that Chelsy had gone to America. The Army 2nd lieutenant said: “Spike is contemplating hanging himself with a dental floss and a banana…just coz his fave person in the world has gone!”

Two days later at 4.58am he added: “Spike is finding it hard to get the dental floss to hold…and isn’t sure how he can involve the banana!”

Harry, I’m sure suggestions for banana use will now be flooding in from friendly readers worldwide.

It all somewhow brings to mind his Dad’s (well maybe his Dad) cringemaking messages to Camilla. The men in this family seem to have an odd notion of what props add to the romance. Bananas and floss still being preferable to tampons. Good dental hygiene and a diet well balanced in potassium is always gonna top Toxic Shock Syndrome.

The ginger Prince had an unusual moment of forethought … that, quite usually, changed nothing that he actually did

Harry admits opening his heart on the net may be a silly thing to do. After returning to Britain from a visit to Chelsy in November the prince confessed he was “madly in love with his girlfriend and knows he’s gonna regret saying that over facebook!!”

If the regrets kick in too hard we suggest he contact Jade Jagger’s London Rep Sara Forage … she’s got some smoke that will put the minger back in his ginger and erase any memory of how it all happened.

Picture below from Just Jared.