On Saturday, Prince William and Prince Harry were photographed on the balcony at Buckingham Palace for the Trooping the Color ceremony, but on Sunday, Radar Online is reporting that William may have joined girlfriend Kate Middleton in Malibu for some house hunting. There are no pictures, only a report that somebody in Malibu saw someone who looked like Kate and William. As far as looking like Kate, it was probably Lauren Conrad in a brown wig (seriously, I really think Kate and LC were separated at birth, probably much like the plot of Parent Trap):

Could the Hollywood-packed beaches of Malibu, Ca. be getting a royal upgrade?

Reports this morning said Prince William, son of the late Princess Diana, has decamped from his native London with on-again-off-again gal pal Kate Middleton. And not just for holiday.

Will and Kate are said to have toured a four bedroom home (already sold) in the seaside community, valued at around $8 million, with an agent from real estate firm Bentzen & Levin.

A RadarOnline.com source has even spotted the pair walking the beach of the exclusive gated enclave Malibu Colony.

While its unclear if William is looking to lease or buy, it means big news for the luxe town, where American royalty (film stars) frolic for the season.

From Radar Online

Will the future king and his long-suffering girlfriend rent/buy a house in Malibu? The kingdom wouldn’t stand for it! Other than a lovely beach, what is Malibu to the British royal family? Is Prince William going to chill with Steven Spielberg and Mel Gibson? Is Kate going to work on a screenplay? So, a Malibu trip is doubtful, I think. Probably just LC and some random tall guy with a bald spot.

Back to Kate and William- Cindy Adams wrote a really bitchy column about the two of them. To be fair to Cindy, I think she just got a really disgruntled royal servant to give some unnamed quotes. According to Cindy and this source, William is now at the point where he “has to” marry Kate, that if Will flakes out on getting engaged, it will be “another embarrassment for the Palace.” The source also has the lowdown on what Will and Kate are really like, behind the scenes. Apparently, Will is “an arrogant young man who expects people to bow and scrape” and Kate is “Not smart… but very calculating… and she knew how to play hard to get.”

IN case you woke up this morning and asked yourselves, “Selves, is Prince William going to really finally eventually marry this Kate Middleton pip he’s been dating?”

At least that’s what I wondered when I woke up, and here’s what one court-watcher replied: “He has to. Been seeing her too long not to. It would be another embarrassment for the Palace. The Queen’s accepted her at events, which means she’s got the royal approval. Understand, he’s not all that easy and affable as he comes off. He’s a bit of an arrogant young man who expects people to bow and scrape.”

And Middleton herself? “Not smart. Hasn’t picked up a book in her life. But very calculating. Her mother’s been planning this her whole life. And she knew how to play hard to get.”

“The wedding will probably be next year after he finishes military service. Face it, London is very depressed. The Crown could use a royal wedding at this point.”

[From The New York Post, Cindy Adams’s Column]

Play hard to what now? I’ll buy that Kate is calculating, and that she’s been trying to figure out a way to get William down the aisle. But I don’t buy that Kate knows how to play hard to get. The game Kate is playing is called “patience”. It’s called “biding her time”. The more William dithers about getting married, the more he reminds me of his father. I think the popular notion that William got the best of his mother’s qualities is overstated. Diana was a very impulsive woman, who let her heart lead the way. William and his dad seem to be the kind of men who are as indecisive as the day is long, regardless of what their hearts or impulses tell them. It’s a shame, really, to see those Windsor genes assert themselves in such a particular way.

Photos are from 6/12/09. Credit: WENN.com and BARM/Fame Pictures

Prince William is trying to save the economy. Sort of. He is “determined” to get his traveling costs down, so William will now fly economy whenever possible, sources tell The Telegraph’s gossip guy, Mandrake.

William and his on-again girlfriend Kate Middleton flew economy to Courchevel for a little skiing holiday early in March. The prince had his security personnel with him on the flight, and he and Kate brought along several friends, all on economy. Must be nice.

Perhaps it would never occur to the Prince (or any member of the royal family) that if cost-cutting is the goal, perhaps three or four annual exotic holidays should just be cancelled. But no matter – the way to save the economy (temporarily) is to spend more. So Prince William will probably be criticized for not spending more, as well as spending too much. I almost feel bad for him, until I realize I haven’t had a vacation in a while. The Telegraph has more:

Setting commendable example to Gordon Brown and his ministers as the economic crisis intensifies, Prince William has quietly and without fanfare instructed his staff to seat him in economy on scheduled flights whenever possible.

“He is determined to get his travelling costs down,” a senior courtier tells Mandrake.

“Obviously there will be occasions when his security team will advise him against this, but he has told us that his default position from now on will be to turn right when he enters an aircraft. He is acutely aware that this is no time for ostentatious expenditure.”

When the 26-year-old prince flew off to Courchevel for a skiing holiday with his girlfriend Kate Middleton and her family earlier this month, it went unreported that the second in line to the throne sat among the economy passengers on the British Airways Heathrow to Geneva flight.

“There was a security presence, but it was all very low-key and William sat with Kate, her sister Pippa and a group of friends among the other passengers,” the courtier adds. “I think a lot of people on the flight didn’t even realise who they were. William actually hates having a fuss made of him when he travels and said that he found it a lot more relaxing than having the cabin crew all nervously hovering around him at the front of the aircraft.”

Michael and Carole Middleton, Kate’s parents, elected, interestingly, to travel business class on the flight, but this may have been because Mrs Middleton was entitled to an upgrade with her husband since she is a former BA employee.

This was believed to be the first occasion that the prince had sat in economy, but, even so, the trip garnered some unwelcome headlines for him because he had to break into his 16-month course at the Defence Helicopter Flying School – funded by the taxpayer to the tune of £800,000 – to take the holiday.

Prince William’s decision to switch from business and first to economy – a policy that has also been adoped by a great many businesses lately – contrasts with Gordon Brown’s increasingly grandiose travel arrangements.

Earlier this month I disclosed how, when the Prime Minister returned from his trip to Washington, his British Airways flight was permitted to taxi directly to Royal Suite One, which is normally reserved for the Queen and senior members of the Royal Family.

A British Airways captain got in touch after the story appeared to tell me that Brown’s flight was also accorded the call sign Speedbird One which is considered highly pretentious in aviation circles and was eschewed even by the status-conscious Tony Blair when he travelled as prime minister.

Both BA and Clarence House declined to comment on Prince William’s travelling arrangements.

From The Telegraph

“Mandrake” just had to throw in a few crumbs for the eltists, didn’t he? Oh, did you happen to forget that Kate Middleton’s mother used to be a stewardess? Oh, the horror of a maybe future queen being the daughter of someone who used to serve peanuts!

As far as Prime Minister Gordon Brown’s travel arrangements, is it really that big of a deal? Couldn’t a lot of the special treatment simply be due to security concerns? That’s probably a very American concern from me, though. I’m used to expecting all world leaders to have extensive special treatment for security precautions. Why shouldn’t the Prime Minister get the same travel treatment as the Queen? Isn’t Gordon Brown more important?

Prince William is shown at the Six Nations rugby union match between Ireland and Wales in Cardiff, Wales on 3/21/09. Credit: WENN.com

In recent weeks, there’s been a lot of news about Prince William and Kate Middleton. Most of it was about William taking on more of his “royal duties” as a patron to several charities, as well as a statement he wrote for The Daily Mail about his grief over his mother. There was also word from a French tabloid that William and Kate were preparing a summer wedding, but that quickly got shot down.

Sunday, The Mail ran a few articles about Middleton. One was painting her as kind of a sad sack who is waiting quietly for William to propose to her, watching all of her friends (or rather, their friends) run off and get married. I actually think she is waiting around for Will, but I don’t believe she’s a sad sack about the whole thing. She seems to know what she’s doing, and she’s made the choice to wait. Here’s The Mail’s version:

Having bonded as Royal girlfriends over the past four years, the friendship between Kate Middleton and Chelsy Davy appears to have turned a little sour.

Chelsy, 23, who broke up with Prince Harry in January, has distanced herself from Prince William’s girlfriend, who remains very much in the Royal fold. Ironically, it was 27-year-old Kate to whom Chelsy turned to when she split from Harry for the first time two years ago, but I’m told Chelsy is not impressed with Kate’s latest advice.

‘When they last saw each other Kate told Chelsy not to make such a fuss about Harry being away,’ says a friend. ‘She also told Chelsy to ignore rumours he was playing around. Kate’s thoughts were that it comes with the territory.’

I’m told it hasn’t helped that Kate’s close chum, society girl Astrid Harbord, 24, was recently snapped going back to Clarence House with Harry after a night out clubbing.

While Kate must wait patiently for William to pop the question, their close friend Oli Baker has announced his engagement.

Oli, 25, is a fellow graduate of St Andrews University – where Kate and Wills met. ‘He is marrying girlfriend Mel who was Kate’s flatmate in London,’ says a friend. ‘They are the last set of close friends of Wills and Kate at St Andrews to announce a wedding. It must be tough for Kate.’

[From The Daily Mail]

“It comes with the territory”? I wonder if “it” means the rumors of womanizing princes, or the actual womanizing. William has made no secret of his ambivalence to early marriage, so I suspect Kate is just going to wait him out. She has the patience of a saint, which might serve her well if she ever becomes the Princess of Wales… or the Queen.

The Mail has Middleton coming and going – they also ran a second story, a lengthy “investigation” of her family’s wealth and connections. They mention that some people will have a problem if “the daughter of an air stewardess” becomes Queen. Apparently, Kate’s family is quite rich, and quite secretive about their wealth. The guy who wrote the article has a biography on Kate coming out called Princess in Waiting, and I think he’s attempting to both give the Middleton family credit for being savvy and smart with money, while also insinuating that they are a family of desperate social climbers.

Here’s Kate attending the wedding of Lady Rose Windsor to Mr. George Gilman at the Queen’s Chapel in London in July. Images thanks to WENN .

As I was watching MSNBC Thursday morning, a reporter from the NBC London bureau came on to do some special reporting. Perhaps it was about the economic crisis facing one of America’s strongest allies, the United Kingdom? Perhaps it was some new development regarding David Cameron or Gordon Brown? Alas, no.

The London bureau reporter was talking about a French report that Prince William and Kate Middleton were getting married this summer. The French report alleged that Will and Kate were keeping their schedules open for a lavish wedding and honeymoon. It all sounded very thin, and the palace thought so too. OK! Magazine was told by “sources” that there will be no wedding any time soon:

Don’t believe those whispers of an engagement between Britain’s Prince William and Kate Middleton!

OK! has learned that “I Dos” are unlikely to happen anytime soon. Just before 26-year-old William entered the Royal Air Force Shawbury in January, he was warned that training would be time-consuming and intense. “The instructors would never advise anyone to start planning a wedding, let alone a royal wedding, while on course,” an insider tells OK!.

From OK! Magazine

Yeah, Will isn’t going to marry Kate any time soon. Not when he gets the milk for free, and not when she’s perfectly willing to turn her life upside down to please him with no guarantee of anything. Of course, that’s just my opinion. This is could all be one large scam by the palace in an attempt to throw off naturally suspicious people like me.

Several weeks ago, OK! had a story about Kate moving in with Will on the military base where he’s training. At the time, I thought it perfectly reasonable. Could it be that it has become accepted within the royal family that Will and Kate won’t be married for a while (if ever)? That they’ll just live in sin? Gasp! What will the children think?

Prince William and Kate Middleton are shown after his graduation ceremony at RAF Cranwell on 4/11/08. Credit: WENN.com

Last week, Prince William gave a particularly heart-wrenching statement to The Daily Mail. He wrote about the grief he still feels over his mother’s death when he was just 15 years old, and how her memory inspires him daily to be a better man and to follow in her charitable footsteps.

Prince William wrote the statement because he had just been appointed the Royal Patron to the Child Bereavement Charity. Many hoped (myself included) that the appointment would signal a new era for William (and hopefully Harry too), that they would begin, in earnest, to take on their royal and charitable duties with the inspiration and graciousness their mother had. It might be happening. Prince William gave an interview to CBBC’s Newsround Show, a show that seems to cater to the British tween set. In the interview he discussed his patronage of London’s Royal Marsden Hospital, in which his mother opened the children’s unit in 1993. People has more:

Prince William sees himself carrying on his mother’s legacy.

Less than a week since he movingly spoke about the emptiness he feels since Princess Diana’s death in 1997, he went on a U.K. children’s show to talk about how his patronage of London’s Royal Marsden Hospital is something that would make mom proud.

“For a very long time my mother was involved with the Royal Marsden, and she had a very close connection with them … So I wanted to follow in her footsteps, in that sense, and help,” he told CBBC’s Newsround Show for 6- to 12-year-old children.

Diana opened the current children’s unit in 1993 and the prince, 26, is lending his support to the building of a special Children’s and Teenage Cancer Centre.

“I’ve learned so much and met so many incredible people who have been unfortunate enough to, you know, have cancer – and most battle through it and have dealt with it in an incredibly inspirational way,” he said after spending time with 10-year-old Alice, a cancer patient at Royal Marsden.

William is currently undergoing training to be a Royal Air Force search and rescue pilot. But, when he was a boy, he dreamed of being a cop.

“A long time ago I wanted to be a policeman, when I was younger,” he said. “I soon learned that probably wasn’t a good idea.” But his piloting is a success, he added on the show. “At the moment I’m still doing some sort of helicopter flying, doing search and rescue – It’s going very well.”

“My instructors would probably say, ‘Not so well,’ but I think it’s going not too badly. I haven’t managed to dent any of the aircraft [and] I haven’t flown into any trees yet.”

And there is clearly some sibling rivalry between him and younger brother Prince Harry, 24, who is also learning to fly at another base with the Army Air Corps.

When asked who would win an arm wrestle between the two brothers, he said, “You know the answer to that! It’s not even a contest. Obviously I’d win. As the bigger brother you have that psychological power over your brother, you see.”

With some light-hearted mischievousness, William put the young interviewer at ease when he responded to what he would do if he were invisible. “I’d probably get myself in a lot of trouble,” he said. “I’d probably go into the newspaper office, and I’d hide in the background and listen to all the stories they talk about me.”

From People Magazine

That’s weird, I thought Prince Harry was the one who wanted to be a cop, not William. But maybe I’m remembering it wrong. But all in all, a really cute interview. I think all of the questions came from “the young interviewer”, probably a kid who’s not even a teenager. It really seems like William and Harry inherited one of their mother’s best qualities – an easy comfort with children, and an ability to talk to children without condescending to them.

As for whether Prince William really has “psychological power” over his younger brother, I’m not so sure. William is probably smarter (tough, right?), and Will has an easier time with the press. But I bet Harry is stronger. That’s the power of ginger hotness.

Prince Harry and Prince William are shown with Prince Charles and Camilla on 2/24/09 at the unveiling of a new statue of Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother on the Mall in London. They are also shown signing the official book of condolence for the victims of the Australian wildfires at the Australian High Commission. Credit: WENN.com

Prince William doesn’t get as much press as his brother here in America. This is both good and bad – Prince Harry can seem at times like a racist douche, but at other times Harry is “the hot but dumb prince”. It must be a little difficult for Prince William to be in the shadows (publicity-wise) of his younger brother as of late.

But Prince William is trying to rectify the situation. Will is speaking out like never before in an exclusive statement to The Daily Mail. Will has just become the Royal Patron to the Child Bereavement Charity, and for the first time Will is talking (or writing) in detail about his mother’s death.

Prince William says about Princess Diana’s death: “Never being able to say the word “Mummy” again in your life sounds like a small thing. However, for many, including me, it’s now really just a word – hollow and evoking only memories.” He also writes, “Real grief often does not hit home until much later. For many it is a grief never entirely lost. Life is altered as you know it, and not a day goes past without you thinking about the one you have lost. I know that over time it is possible to learn to live with what has happened and, with the passing of years, to retain or rediscover cherished memories.” So much for the British stiff upper lip. Here’s William’s exclusive statement to The Daily Mail:

Yesterday I became Royal Patron of the Child Bereavement Charity. I took on this role because I know what it is like to lose someone you love so much. Losing a child or being a child when your parent dies is the awful reality for over 23,000 families in Britain every year.

Initially, there is a sense of profound shock and disbelief that this could ever happen to you. Real grief often does not hit home until much later. For many it is a grief never entirely lost. Life is altered as you know it, and not a day goes past without you thinking about the one you have lost.

However, I also know that over time it is possible to learn to live with what has happened and, with the passing of years, to retain or rediscover cherished memories.

Our families and friends play a crucial role in coping with grief. The Child Bereavement Charity can never replace their love. It can, though, provide another, sometimes invaluable lifeline. The charity is there to help the bereaved directly. It also works with those in the community – such as teachers, nurses and the police – who have to deal with the realities of death on a daily basis.

The Child Bereavement Charity has another vital role: raising awareness of child bereavement and informing people of where they can get help and support. Yesterday, the charity launched its Mother’s Day campaign. The theme is “Silence”. The silence that death leaves. The silence of death’s taboo. The silence of listening.

Mother’s Day is so painful for grieving families; for mothers remembering a lost child or for children longing for their mother – a day of happiness turned to sadness. Losing a close family member is one of the hardest experiences that anyone can ever endure. Never being able to say the word “Mummy” again in your life sounds like a small thing.

However, for many, including me, it’s now really just a word – hollow and evoking only memories. I can therefore wholeheartedly relate to the Mother’s Day campaign as I too have felt – and still feel – the emptiness on such a day as Mother’s Day.

This year I hope that, through the Child Bereavement Charity’s tireless and dedicated hard work, for some families at least, it will be a little less painful. For those who have lost the one they love, rest assured they will be watching over you.

From The Daily Mail

Some celebrity/royal-watchers have pointed out in the past that Prince William never seemed to really deal with his mother’s death. Considering the emotional resonance behind his statement, I’d have to disagree. I think Will still feels Diana’s death acutely, almost painfully, on a daily basis. Perhaps this is why Will is reticent to settle down with Kate Middleton. He has both a fear of abandonment and survivor’s guilt. But that’s just my diagnosis. I’m still very happy that Will can turn his personal grief into something positive – it’s what his mother would have done.

Prince William is shown at a reception for the The Child Bereavement Charity held at the Sladmore Contemporary Art Gallery in London on 3/12/09 and also at a Dinner to mark the 40th Anniversary of Centrepoint held at St. James’ Palace State Apartments in London later that night. Credit: WENN.com

Sometimes I’m happy America doesn’t have a royal family, but then I check out the two princes, one a hot ginger and one a hot blond. These boys are enough to make me a royalist.

The big news across the pond is Prince William’s new, hot, scraggy beard. He debuted the beard during a Naval exercise, and decided to keep it for the holidays. But fear not, beard-haters! Apparently, Prince William doesn’t care for it, and a clean shave is required for his next assignment with the RAF.

The 26-year-old Prince grew the facial hair during a recent 10-day exercise in Barbados with the Navy’s Special Boat Service. He returned a week ago but appears so enamoured of his new look that he has yet to shave it off.

He was photographed on a pheasant shoot at the Queen’s Sandringham estate in Norfolk with his brother, Prince Harry, and girlfriend Kate Middleton. Rules on facial hair in the Armed Forces differ according to the service. The Royal Navy allows a full beard – although no moustaches, goatees or ‘designer stubble’ – if permission is sought from a commanding officer.

It is believed that the Prince’s beard was an attempt to disguise his identity during the SBS mission. He is also following family tradition, as the Prince of Wales grew a beard while on Naval exercises in Alaska in 1975.

However, beards are banned in the RAF and the Prince must be clean-shaven when he reports for duty next month to commence an 18-month training course to qualify as a search and rescue pilot.

[From Telegraph.co.uk]

I’m actually not a beard hater – some men look better with something going on in the beard/goatee area. Unfortunately, Prince William is not one of them. But that doesn’t mean Britain can’t have a little beard freak-out, right? Apparently, some newspapers are already doing polling on it.

In other royal news, oddsmakers are still trying to make some money on the never-ending speculation of a royal wedding between Kate Middleton and Prince William. A 2009 royal proposal has 11/8 odds. That’s good for Middleton, right?

Britain’s Prince William proposing to girlfriend Kate Middleton in 2009 has odds of 11/8, according to bookmakers William Hill. The British public thinks the likelihood of the 26-year-old royal – who has been dating Kate since 2003, after the pair met at Scotland’s University of St Andrews – asking the brunette beauty to marry him are very likely.

In September, it was claimed William will not get engaged to Kate for at least another 18 months, and would have to speak with several members of the royal family and the government before going down on one knee, according to a senior member of the Royal Household.

The source said: “There is a lot of planning involved in a royal engagement announcement of a member of the family as senior as Prince William. “A number of high-profile people have to be informed formally, and the couple have to be introduced to the Prime Minister of the day, among others. All this takes time. As far as I am aware I cannot see there being an engagement between the prince and Miss. Middleton for at least 18 months.”

William’s hopeful marriage prospects are not the only ones in the royal family. William Hill have revealed Prince Harry proposing to his Zimbabwe-born girlfriend Chelsy Davy has odds of 6/1, while Prince Andrew – who was previously married to Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York – getting engaged has odds of 50/1. William Hill spokesperson Rupert Adams said: “Every year there are a couple of big odds winners from the bets!”

[From Monsters and Critics]

I don’t think either prince will get engaged this year. Prince Harry won’t because he’s the wild one, and wild ones don’t settle down at twenty-four. But I suspect Prince William won’t get engaged because, as it turns out, he’s probably a lot like his father. Meaning he just can’t make up his mind about marriage and about Kate Middleton. If I was a betting woman, I’d put money on Kate finally dumping him for good in 2009 – if she’s smart. But maybe she thinks that she’s waited so long, maybe another year being The Royal Girlfriend is good enough. Poor Kate.

Prince William is shown attending church on Christmas day. Credit: BARM/Fame Pictures

Prince William on 11/8/08 examining the Prince William cup. This is obviously not the photo in question. Credit: WENN

Prince William was photographed peeing on a fence after a polo match, his manhood completely visible. The pictures were published in Spanish language Nueva magazine and D-Listed has them, so go over there if you’d like to check out the royal member. (NSFW obviously)

The 26 year-old second in line to the throne looks genetically blessed but seems a little dim. People are pointing out that he’s peeing on an electric fence.

There’s speculation that Benji Madden’s jealousy of Prince William led Paris Hilton to break up with him. That seems like an overblown story based on a brief meeting between Paris and William at a club. I hope that Benji has nothing to worry about and that William keeps it in his pants when he doesn’t have to relieve himself. Herpes is a life sentence.

How scandalous do British readers consider these photos? They’re obviously an invasion of privacy but Wills isn’t doing anything wrong and he didn’t intend to get photographed while he was doing his business. It was probably a long way to the bathroom.

Prince William at a different charity event on Wednesday night.

One very lucky British woman got to picture Prince William naked recently –with his permission! The prince was at a benefit for a London homeless charity last night when a very nervous fan approached him. She stammers when she’s nervous, and to calm her down the prince used the old, “Just picture them naked” line – about himself.

“Think of me naked.” That was Prince William’s bold suggestion to one female fan in London Thursday night.

But girlfriend Kate Middleton has nothing to worry about. The 26-year-old prince was simply trying to help calm a nervous young woman at an event for the Centrepoint charity.

“I have a stammer,” 18-year-old Jasmine Edwards told reporters after their exchange. “He helped me by moving me away from everyone. He was down to earth and I really liked talking to him and hope I can meet him again.”

So what was her response to the prince’s invitation? “I thought of him naked!” Edwards replied with a laugh.

[From People]

Lucky girl. It’s funny that suggesting a person imagine someone else naked to calm their nerves sounds fine, but suggesting a person imagine you naked to calm their nerves sounds a little more questionable. Although for the life of me I have never understood how any version of visualizing people naked is supposed to relax a tense person.

The exchange took place at a benefit for Centrepoint, a charity Princess Diana was involved with. Prince William now supports it, and made a few funny quips.

William was on hand to mark the 40th anniversary of Centrepoint, an anti-homelessness charity that was close to his late mother’s heart. (The prince became its patron in 2005.)

“I feel very close links to Centrepoint. It’s a charity with which both my mother and father became passionately involved,” William said last night.

He also recalled visiting a homeless shelter for the first time with Princess Diana. “I was much younger, better looking and more naive back then,” he quipped.

[From People]

He’s still pretty good looking. He’s grown to look a bit more like his father, but he’s certainly still a very handsome man. And I’m guessing that nervous young lady probably agrees.

Here’s Prince William, who is the patron of the Lord Mayor’s Appeal, posing at St. Paul’s Cathedral in London on Wednesday at a concert supporting Wellbeing of Women. Header of Prince William chatting with solo violonist Jennifer Pike. Images thanks to WENN.

There are obviously some pretty awesome perks to being a member of the royal family. But there’s also a downside – at least by most people’s standards. You have to be very polite at social dinners. You have to be careful what you say. And if Paris Hilton wants to hang out with you, you probably have to do it. Most of us could deal with a little polite chitchat over lobster. It’d be stuffy and formal, but I think we could adapt. But I really don’t feel like even the average person could handle 30 seconds of chatting about pink things and cell phone jewelry with Paris Hilton.

Unfortunately for Prince William, he got stuck hanging out with Paris Hilton on Wednesday night. Of all the royal duties, both official and unofficial, acting like you’re having a good time with Paris has got to be one of the very most challenging. The British press is acting like they’ve caught Will doing something naughty, but I think he probably just lost a bet with Prince Harry and this was the punishment.

Oh dear, he WILL be in trouble when Kate Middleton finds out her Prince Charming spent the night getting Dirrty with two showgirls. We watched Prince William snuggle up to pop star Christina Aguilera and socialite Paris Hilton in the VIP room at Whisky Mist in London’s Mayfair. The night was a right royal knees-up. We got there at midnight to see Wills, 26, and Prince Harry, 24, necking vodka cocktails and singing cheesy pop songs…

[Pairs] tried to cosy up to him on the couch and he even turned his shoulder and started talking to a mystery blonde on his right. But when that girl went to the loo, Paris moved in. We were about to rush to William’s rescue, then we saw they were swapping phone numbers…

Half an hour later we saw Paris apply more lipgloss, while asking Wills: “Does this look OK?” Not the best chat-up line, but it seemed to work. Wills was glued to her side or the rest of the night. When Christina [Aguilera] sidled over on her way out at 2.30am, a miffed Jordan [Bratman] moaned to his missus: “You’ve already said bye – and SHE’S with him.”

As the lights came on at 3.15am, the royal bodyguards tried to round up the Princes. But Wills was reluctant to go. “Make sure she [Paris] gets out of here OK,” he ordered one flunkey.

[From the Mirror]

The Mirror says there was also an embarrassing incident when Wills went over to Christina Aguilera’s table to say hello, but her minder didn’t believe he was who he said he was. Apparently it took some convincing, but the prince eventually got a chance to chat with the singer, until Paris came along and made the whole evening about her.

The Mirror makes it sound like the prince was into Paris, but I’m assuming that’s just for a good story. I can’t imagine he could be interested in her as anything but a joke. Obviously he has a girlfriend, but even if he didn’t, Paris is about as tacky as you could get. Though she does already have several tiaras, so maybe it would be a good fit after all.

Here’s Prince William and Paris Hilton hitting the party scene at Whisky Mist in London on Wednesday night. Images thanks to WENN and Bauer-Griffin.