It’s tearing up my heart… that Lou Pearlman, the sexy hunk of man meat who created ‘N Sync, the Backstreet Boys, and the New Kids on the Block has been sentenced to 25 torturous years in prison for stealing more than $300 million from a variety of investors, including his friends, family, business associates, and the elderly. He even bilked Justin Timberlake out of some well-deserved cash. And Chris Kirkpatrick. And we know he needs every dollar he can get.

Legendary music mogul Lou Pearlman, who created the boy bands Backstreet Boys and ‘N Sync, was sentenced Wednesday to 25 years in prison for stealing more than $300 million from investors. But Federal Judge G. Kendall Sharp, in Orlando, Fla., said he would reduce the jail time by one month for every $1 million Pearlman returned to the investors.

Pearlman bilked thousands of people out of millions of dollars in an investment scam that went on for decades, authorities said. His victims included “his family, his close friends and people in their 70s and 80s who have lost their life savings,” according to Sharp.

Pearlman pleaded guilty in March to two counts of conspiracy, money laundering and using false statements in a bankruptcy proceeding. Pearlman, 53, had sought to delay the sentencing so he could launch his latest musical creation, the European pop band US5, in the United States and Asia.

During his music career, he also managed the bands LFO, Take 5 and O-Town. Both Backstreet Boys and ‘N Sync previously filed suits against Pearlman because they believed they were not receiving a fair share of the bands’ profits. Those suits were settled out of court.

[From People]

Because what better reason to postpone sending a criminal to prison than launching a new boy band? Sure, sometimes people get a little grace period for some traumatic surgery or the death of a family member. But what could possibly be more important than launching the next LFO?

Ordinarily I would say that getting to buy yourself a month less of prison isn’t fair. I think a lot of celebrities would have gratefully ponied up $1 million to spend 30 days less in the slammer. That means that if Pearlman somehow returned all the money he stole, he wouldn’t serve a single day. But considering some of his previously reported predilections, something tells me Lou will make his time in prison work for him.

Wesley Snipes has been sentenced to three years in prison, for three misdemeanors in not filing his taxes. While his lawyer claims he was singled out because of his celebrity, reading this report on his behavior makes me think his aggressive attitude towards government employees is probably what earned him the maximum penalty.

The decision by US District Court judge William Terrell Hodges came two months after a jury convicted Snipes on three counts of willfully failing to file federal tax returns from 1999 to 2001.

The court heard yesterday that Snipes dodged $15 million (£7.5 million) in tax through a campaign in which he concealed millions offshore, falsely applied for tax refunds and bombarded the Internal Revenue Service with frivolous correspondence that threatened government employees, railed about extortion and used twisted legal interpretations to back his claim that taxation was unlawful.

“For nearly a decade, Snipes has engaged in a campaign of criminal tax conduct combining brazen defiance with insidious concealment,” the prosecuting attorney, Robert O’Neill, told the court in a sentencing memorandum. “In the defendant Wesley Snipes, the court is presented with a wealthy, famous and inveterate tax scofflaw. If ever a tax offender was deserving of being held accountable to the maximum extent for his criminal wrongdoing, Snipes is that defendant.”

Times Online

Wesley won’t go to prison immediately, but will surrender closer to his New Jersey home at a later date. This will allow him to be closer to his five children, aged between 1 and 19 years old.

The Times also says that Wesley attempted to give the judge three envelopes, containing cheques totalling $5million, but the judge could not accept them. The IRS did collect the cheques during a recess. I’m not sure if they were trying to prove that Wesley was going to pay debts, or they just weren’t sure who to give the money to.

Wesley’s tax advisors are also in jail, as it seems that he was given bad advice.

Wesley became a tax denier in 1999, where you are part of a movement that believes tax laws are unjust and that you shouldn’t have to pay them. If you can prove that you are a sincere follower of the movement you can avoid criminal consequences, but Wesley’s offshore bank accounts made the court consider him a fraud, not just someone who doesn’t believe in taxes.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Wesley Snipes is shown outside of court on February 1 when he received good news - he was acquitted of tax fraud but was convicted of failure to file taxes. He’s probably not that happy at this point. Thanks to Splash News for these photos.

Rapper/jailbird Foxy Brown is not exactly known for her understated style or demure nature. As the convicted criminal left Rikers Island prison yesterday, she was greeted by quite the orchestrated PR setup. After spending eight months in prison, Foxy was greeted by hordes of fans waiting outside the prison walls, along with a herd of reporters. Unlike the average inmate who has to leave in the prison’s bus, Foxy was chauffeured in a Rolls-Royce Phantom, thanks to the wrangling of , New York City councilman Charles Barron. Foxy was also greeted by her hair and makeup artist, who brought along a leather jacket and other attire to keep her looking her best. And through it all, she remained ever humble and contrite.

While relishing the welcome-home hugs and kisses, she sounded less than contrite about her stretch behind bars.
“I did almost a year in prison, a year in prison, just because my name is Foxy Brown,” she said.

[From the New York Daily News]

Actually I checked with the courts (and by that I mean Wikipedia) and Foxy actually did eight months in prison just because she assaulted several people on several occasions and violated her probation. Oh and her name isn’t really Foxy Brown. So pretty much no part of that statement is accurate.

Foxy’s Rolls-Royce took her straight to church, where she spent some quality time being expressing her gratitude to the man upstairs. Well after she did some shopping and ate some chicken.

Rapper Foxy Brown got out of the Big House Friday, and said she was heading straight for God’s house. “The first place I want to go is church. I’ve got to get on my knees,” the hip-hop honey said. First, though, she went shopping in Harlem and stopped for a little soul food. Then she made a beeline for her childhood home in Brooklyn.

“Feels good, feels good, feels good,” she said, climbing out of a white Rolls-Royce Phantom and running up the stoop of her family’s Prospect Heights home into her mother’s arms. “I love you, Mommy,” she told her mother, Judith Marchand, who presented the freed jailbird with smiley-face balloons and an arrangement of cut fruit shaped like flowers. “This is my house, my mother and whole family, my neighborhood, the room I wrote my first rap song in,” Brown gushed, as a VH1 film crew captured the moment for an upcoming reality show. “This is real emotional for me.”

[From the New York Daily News]

I live right next to Prospect Heights, and all I can say is I’ve spent the last 24 hours pretty damn scared. Where is Foxy Brown? Does she currently have a cell phone in her hand? What about a Blackberry or a Palm Pilot? It’s likely that there’s several nail salons within walking distance – does Foxy know where they are? Statistically speaking, what are the odds of me running into her? If I do, what are the odds that she’ll hurl whatever’s in her hand at me? I’m guessing the answer to the latter is about 70/30. Which is why I will now be walking around Brooklyn with protective headgear for the next three weeks, until I hear that Foxy’s gotten acclimated and settled down. Until then, expect that I won’t be leaving the house. The rest of New York City should probably consider following suit.

Here’s Foxy emerging from a white Silver Cloud Rolls Royce to greet her fans on 19th Ave as she is released from nearby Rikers Island Correctional Facility in East Elmhurst, Queens yesterday. Images thanks to Splash.

I wish we had an “ironic” tag, because that is exactly what this story should be filed under. While a lot of prison inmates spend their time lifting weights, bulking up, or working in the prison’s pottery studio, vehicular manslaughterer and former “Prison Break” star Lane Garrison spends his time in the slammer watching… “Prison Break.” You see the gentle irony. He also pens letters to “Access Hollywood” - though to be fair, most of us update Pat O’Brien on our comings and goings at least once a week. Here’s a little excerpt.

“Greetings and Happy New Year to you and everyone at Access Hollywood from Donovan State Prison [in California]. Never did I think I would be saying the words ‘happy & prison’ in the same sentence and not be on a set. It’s pure irony coming from the show and now living the real deal. It’s surreal and mind-blowing to say the least.

“Just this past Monday they let a group of inmates watch the season premiere of Prison Break. It felt like an out of body experience as I stood around a crowd of tattooed felons watching Michael Scofield [Wentworth Miller’s character on Prison Break] try to escape … all of us longing to be free as well!

“This has been the hardest year of my life. I hope people, young and old, are learning from my mistakes and what can happen when you drink and drive. I have much to say about the pain I’ve felt and seen inside of prison. It has been eye-opening and a harrowing experience.”

[From Us Weekly]

You know who else it’s been a hard year for Lane? The family of the 17-year-old boy you killed when you drank too much and crashed your car. I’m guessing what they’ve gone through is a hell of a lot worse than prison. Plus they have to deal with it for the rest of their lives, whereas you just have a measly 40 month sentence. I know you said something about learning from his mistake, but make some little mention of the boy you killed, or at least his family. I realize we’re supposed to either feel badly for him or at least think he’s learned something, but I’m just not buying it. But I do enjoy the irony, and hope Lane gets to partake in a few of those other stereotypical prison activities.

Foxy Brown, the rapper with a crazy sense of entitlement, has requested that she be let out of Riker’s Island prison after just four months into her year long sentence. Her argument is that she’s having trouble with her cochlear implant, and needs to go to Los Angeles to have a specialist look at it. No, the New York doctors aren’t good enough. And she’s not asking for a few days or weeks, but feels that – due to the problems with her hearing, she should just be let out altogether, and not held responsible for any of her crimes. And the woman has a crazy long rap sheet. So to speak.

“I am terrified of not hearing a fire alarm go off, or being locked in a cell, and someone not being kind enough to let me out, since not everyone understands the severity of my condition,” Brown wrote in a four-page letter attached to her attorney’s motion.

Two surgeries to ease her cochlear comfort failed, attorney Laura Dilimetin wrote in the petition filed on Brown’s behalf in New York State Supreme Court in Manhattan. “If her hearing is damaged any further, it will affect the way she hears, and it will affect the way she sings. It will have dire consequences on her ability to maintain her profession and livelihood.”

Brown, whose real name is Inga Marchand, wants to be out by Jan. 30 in order to “have her cochlear implant reprogrammed and repaired” at the House Clinic in Los Angeles, “or else face imminent harm to her hearing,” Dilimetin wrote. “Her condition is worsening in jail since she cannot obtain at Rikers the proper treatment,” the motion states. “Ms. Marchand does not want to risk such a sensitive and complicated process to centers that have failed her in the past.”

[From E! News]

I love the line that she’s afraid there might be a fire “and someone not being kind enough to let me out.” Honey that has nothing to do with your hearing, you’re just afraid of that. If you could hear just fine, there’s still the same chance someone “won’t be kind enough” to unlock the cell and let you out. That’s part of prison – if there’s a fire, it’s going to be problematic. And another part of prison is that it’s scary. You don’t get let out because it’s scary, you don’t commit crimes in the first place because it’s scary.

Brown also said prison is serving no purpose and isn’t helping her, so they might as well just let her go.

Yes, I’ve made some bad choices and stupid mistakes. But please understand that sitting in a prison with murderers and criminals is not rehabilitating or what I need to deal with my inner issues,”

[From E! News]

First off, you’re sitting in a prison with criminals because you are a criminal. And odd as it is, criminals don’t get a say in what they need to deal with their inner issues. Maybe once you’ve served your debt to society, but we have a retributive, not restorative justice system. Like it or not, this isn’t about making you all better. Part of me wishes it were, but the other part of me knows someone like Foxy would just take advantage of that. This is about punishment. You don’t get your fancy specialists, 600 thread count sheets, or diamond rings in prison. It sucks. That’s the point, so you won’t do it again. Give someone a reason to believe you’ve already changed, and then we’ll talk. But when you miss the entire point of your incarceration, and your argument is based on it, then the whole thing gets thrown out the window.

Boy Foxy Brown sure leads a charmed life. Even in prison the rapper has better footwear than most of the rest of us could ever dream about. According to the New York Post, Foxy, 27, pairs Louis Vuitton and Gucci sneakers with her prison jumpsuit. And when her designer shoes get dirty, she gets a new pair. I have a degree in criminology, and I’m pretty sure I never had a class called “Designer labels in prison.” Most of the prisoners I’ve met were thrilled when they got to wear something from K-Mart with their uniforms. Is anyone else thinking WTF?

Not surprisingly, Foxy is still having some serious issues in prison. She was put in solitary confinement after refusing to take a drug test, mouthing off to guards, and getting into a shoving match with another inmate. She was let out a month early – though her attitude doesn’t seem to have improved.

[Foxy]alienates most of the correction officers, threatening them with tough talk about the “juice” she has on the outside. She trusts no one but her mother and manager, and remains convinced, despite break after break, that everyone is out to get her. The diva Foxy Brown hasn’t changed one bit.

“If they release her today, she’ll be back in a week,” said Geoffrey Davis, a family friend who has visited the rapper several times since she was locked up at Rikers Island for violating her probation after a string of altercations. “I love her, and I have her best interests at heart, but I think she needs clinical help with anger management,” said Davis, an activist who runs a nonprofit, anti-violence organization in Brooklyn. Davis said he was trying to share with Foxy lessons from his own experience with anger and emotional distress. Davis’ brother, City Councilman James Davis, was slain by a political rival inside City Hall in 2003. But Davis said his advice has fallen on deaf ears. “She has to deal with her attitude,” Davis said.

[From the New York Post]

Foxy Brown is one of those people who is so arrogant and has such a ridiculous sense of entitlement that you actually want really bad things to happen to her. Okay I’m projecting. I actually want really bad things to happen to her. Her rap sheet is incredibly long, going back to her teen years. And she always takes her anger out on people she believes are here to serve her: maids, waitresses, manicurists, etc. Her issues don’t come from her deep-seated belief that she is better than everyone else. I’m guessing Rikers must be like a lot of other prisons that require inmates to supply their own clothing. Several that I’ve volunteered at had similar rules, however they didn’t allow any visible labels. Generally it meant a lot of Walmart white t-shirts and jeans; dealing with designer duds never even occurred to me. I hope they can find some reason Foxy can’t have her precious shoes: she’s been given too many breaks as it is.

My heart really goes out to Joe Francis these days. I mean could the man who’s imprisonment is “one of the greatest miscarriages of justice ever” possibly get a fair shake? Naw. The man with the world’s most insincere smile seems to have a problem with not getting special treatment. He claims to have been brutally abused during his brief two week stay at the Grady County Law Enforcement Center in Oklahoma. He claims that he was denied food and blankets and threatened with being strapped naked to a chair for two days. It appears that he actually just had one of his contraband extra blankets confiscated, and they refused to special order his fillet mignon medium rare. And the strapping into the chair naked thing? I’m pretty sure that’s what Joe considers a good time, so I don’t know what the hell he’s complaining about. Okay the steak thing isn’t true, but the other two are.

The millionaire producer of the “Girls Gone Wild” video series has accused guards of abusing him during his brief stay at an Oklahoma jail, a newspaper reported Friday. Guards at the Grady County Law Enforcement Center denied Joe Francis food and blankets and threatened to strap him naked to a chair for 48 hours, Francis’ attorneys alleged last month in court papers seeking his release on bail in a Florida case, The Oklahoman reported.

Grady County officials denied the accusations, telling the newspaper that guards never threatened to strap Francis to a chair, that Francis had an extra blanket he shouldn’t have had confiscated and that his transfer was delayed because his family had somehow found out when he was to have been moved, creating a potential security risk.

“Mr. Francis was treated like every inmate that comes through the Grady County Law Enforcement Center,” jail administrator Shane Wyatt told the newspaper.

[From Yahoo! News]

I think that last sentence perfectly summarizes the problem here. Joe Francis was treated like everyone else, and not like the sexy rock star he is. And if I were Joe Francis and I looked into the mirror and saw my Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks face looking back at me all sexy and didn’t get special treatment for looking so good, I’d be pretty damn pissed too. Seriously, does anyone even care if Joe Francis gets shanked in prison? I didn’t think so. All his hissy fitting it just giving the rest of us more opportunities to make fun of him. And let’s be honest, with a face like that, he probably shouldn’t give us more fodder than we already have.

Amy Winehouse’s life is pretty much going to Hell in a hand basket. The British Britney Spears’ husband, Blake Fielder-Civil was arrested last week for witness tampering. Blake beat a guy up last May, and had apparently tried to bribe people involved in the case. He’s been held in Pentonville prison since then. When Amy went to visit him, police officers searched her beehive for drugs. Does that sentence make anyone else really, really happy?

Amy Winehouse’s beehive hairpiece was checked for drugs when she went to visit her husband Blake Fielder-Civil in prison.

Police officers at Pentonville prison, where Fielder-Civil has been remanded in custody, were suspicious of the singer when she went to the jail yesterday.

According to The Sun, Winehouse was asked by a warden to run her fingers through the famous hair-do to prove that she did not have any drugs stashed in it, but nothing was found.

[From Digital Spy]

That doesn’t seem that weird to me. When I was in college, I volunteered at a state prison. The list of things you could and couldn’t wear was lengthy. Let me tell you, the last thing you want to do is work with male offenders and not be able to wear your underwire bra.

Amy’s manager has finally quit. You’d think it’s because she’s totally crazy, her husband is in jail, they’re both unrepentant drug users and alcoholics, or she never shows up to performances. And while none of those things helped, the straw that broke the camel’s back was when manager Thom Stone went to the doctor and tested positive for heroin. Amy and Blake smoked it on the bus, and Stone managed to get enough through passive smoke that it actually showed up on a drug test. I know most people would think, “Yeah, right,” but I believe this for two reasons. 1: Amy Winehouse smokes heroin in her sleep, underwater, and will somehow manage to do it from the grave and 2: Why would Thom Stone lie about that? He could give one hundred other legitimate reasons to quit if he wanted to come up with something. Amy Winehouse’s life is so crazy and soap opera-like that anything and everything seems true.

AMY WINEHOUSE’s tour manager has quit — saying doctors found HEROIN in his system after he inhaled it passively on their bus. Thom Stone said working with drug-addled Amy and her husband was harming his health. It was revealed just a day after the singer went into meltdown on stage, slurring her words and insulting fans as hundreds walked out.

Stone hit breaking point when Amy, 24, and hubby BLAKE FIELDER-CIVIL were arrested with cannabis in Norway last month. He produced a doctor’s note which revealed traces of heroin — known as “smack”. Last night Stone would not comment on the doctor’s note, but confirmed he had quit. A source said: “He was constantly bailing her out. He was watching them get off their heads on drugs and wondering whether Amy was even going to get up on stage. It was a nightmare job.”

[From the Sun]
t
While I never thought I’d say this about something in The Sun, I absolutely believe every single word of that. Though I wonder, when officers checked Amy’s beehive, what didthey find? You know there had to be some random bramble in there. I imagine they pulled out some baby birds who’s mother mistook Amy’s hair for her nest. And Amy thought all hat chirping was just a side-effect from the drugs! Though I don’t know how she made sense of the bits of worm constantly falling into her eyes. Baby birds are such pranksters.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Amy at the Thames Magistrates Court in London on November 10, 2007. Image thanks to PR Photos. Header image of Amy from at her disastrous concert on Wednesday night. Hundreds of fans walked out as Amy continued to drink throughout the show. According to WENN “Fans booed before walking out of the gig - the opening night of her UK tour - enraged by Winehouse’s incoherent performance. Fans were also unimpressed when the singer stumbled on stage half an hour later than billed, before crashing into a guitar stand. However, Winehouse was unfazed by the booing from the crowd - and threatened them with the wrath of Fielder-Civil. She told the audience, “Let me tell you something. First of all, if you’re booing you’re a mug for buying a ticket. Second, to all the people booing - just wait till my husband gets out.” After performing hit Back To Black, she said, “Nothing’s going to bring my husband back.” Winehouse then dedicated track Wake Up Alone to Fielder-Civil, announcing, “This is for my husband.” Impressive. Image thanks to WENN.

Lane Garrison got just about half the maximum sentence for his drunken/drug fueled car crash that killed a teenager last December. He was sentenced to forty months, just about half of the six years and eight months he could have received. He’s been in jail for three months so far and will get credit for time served. If he behaves himself, he could be out in twenty months – not much for killing a person.

Garrison pleaded guilty in May to felony vehicular manslaughter and driving under the influence in the deadly accident that took 17-year-old Vahagn Setian’s life and injured two 15-year-old girls.

Following his plea, Garrison was ordered in August to undergo a 90-day diagnostic stay at the California Institute for Men in Chino.

He completed the psychological evaluation last month and was turned over to Los Angeles County authorities. Since then, he has been incarcerated at the Twin Towers Correctional Facility while awaiting sentencing.

The actor’s legal team had pushed for him to be released on probation, but Superior Court Judge Elden S. Fox felt a stricter penalty was in order.

[From E! News]

Maybe it’s just me – that doesn’t seem like much of a penalty. Several of the articles I’ve read today have stupid titles like “Not much of a prison break for Garrison.” Vehicular manslaughter really should have a higher maximum sentence. I can’t believe they didn’t add some charges for the alcohol/drug aspect of the crime. I’m not sure if this is celebrity justice or just crappy justice that anyone could get, but I really hope terrible things happen to this guy in his cell. Though because he’s famous, he probably will be kept in isolation, so that will make his time feel a hell of a lot longer. And that makes me a little bit happier.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Lane before the crash at the Prison Break - End of Season Screening Party on April 27th, 2006. Image thanks to PR Photos.