Well, I’m surprised I didn’t think of this. One month ago, Rachel Uchitel married San Francisco “businessman” Matt Hahn. Rachel is 36, Matt Hahn is 26. Rachel is most famous for boning Tiger Woods and David Boreanaz, and then extorting both men publicly for money, which makes her a fancy prostitute. Anyway, Rachel met Matt several months ago and they’ve been married for a whole month now. And guess what? She’s preggo. I theorized that Rachel was pulling some kind of “long con” on Matt, but I didn’t expect this. A baby? Hm…

Life & Style can exclusively reveal that Rachel Uchitel is expecting her first child, less than a month after she married boyfriend Matt Hahn in Las Vegas!

“She found out she was pregnant when she auditioned for The Amazing Race,” an insider confirms to Life & Style. “They were going to try out to be a couple on the show, and when she had a drug test, it came back positive that she’s pregnant!”

On Oct. 2, Rachel wed Matt in a small ceremony. The insider confirms that the two plan to have an even bigger wedding after the baby arrives. The two live together in San Francisco, where Matt is a businessman.

Rachel became a household name after her fling with Tiger Woods was exposed in November 2009.

Last year, Rachel appeared on VH1′s Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew, where she entered for love addiction and was then treated for a problem with prescription pills. Donald Trump was also interested in her for his show, Celebrity Apprentice, but dropped her once she headed to rehab.

[From Life & Style]

I wonder if it’s safe for a “love addict” (not to mention pillhead) to get pregnant and have a baby? I suppose it doesn’t matter about the “love addiction” since that was only Rachel’s excuse for trying (and failing) to break up two marriages in the span of a year. Seriously, though – congrats to Rachel and Matt. Good luck with everything. I’ll be saying a prayer for that baby. Maybe Rachel will name him Lil’ Con.

Photos courtesy of Fame, WENN & Uchitel’s Twitter.

Every now and then, it’s nice to check in with Rachel Uchitel, one of America’s most famous hookers. What’s that, you say? She’s not really a hooker? I beg to differ. She boned Tiger Woods for months and then accepted a multi-million-dollar payoff to keep her mouth shut about their affair. Before Tiger, she boned David Boreanaz and then publicly blackmailed him, likely for some money. Anyway, somebody bought the cow when the they were getting the milk on layaway. Rachel Uchitel, 36, married Matt Hahn, 26 (pictured above). He’s a former football player (Penn State) and now a businessman in San Francisco. I guess we can say that he’s also pretty dumb too, right? Or can we just say that he has awful taste in women?

Rachel Uchitel has gone from mistress to married woman! The 36-year-old nightclub hostess — whose claim to fame was her multiple affairs with golfer Tiger Woods and actor David Boreanz — tied the knot with businessman Matt Hahn on Sunday, TMZ reports.

“We are really happy and feel extremely fortunate to have one another,” Uchitel tells Us Weekly in a statement. The pair exchanged vows in front of 12 friends at Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas — the same venue where Britney Spears married Jason Alexander in 2004.

The couple obtained a marriage license in Clark County, Nevada, Sunday night and filed it with the court the next morning at 8:58 a.m.

Hahn, 26, was a football player at Penn State. He and Uchitel have been living together in San Francisco for several months.

Prior to her relationship with Hahn, Uchitel had been engaged to investment banker James Andrew O’Grady, who was killed on September 11, 2001 during the World Trade Center attacks; she spoke frequently of O’Grady’s death during her 2010-2011 appearance on VH1′s Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.

Uchitel, a University of New Hampshire graduate, wed Wall Street trader and childhood friend Steven Ehrenkranz in 2004. Their union lasted just four months.

[From Us Weekly]

This poor dude. Well, at least Rachel has all of that money, right? I hope to God she hasn’t blown through $10 million in a year and a half. So maybe Rachel is the one getting played by this young hustler? Doubtful. CB thinks Rachel is working some angle that we haven’t figured out yet. Maybe some reality show deal or something. Maybe it’s a long con.

By the way, I was just thinking about Rachel the other day when I was looking through some Linnocent photos. Both Lohan and Uchitel have that “hard” working-girl look, but to give Rachel some credit, I honestly think she looks less busted than Linnocent.

UPDATE: Thanks to all of you who pointed out the discrepancy with the $10 million figure – other sites were referencing the money like Rachel still has it, but TMZ reported that Rachel had to give it back to Tiger. Maybe Rachel has more money than we know, or maybe this marriage really is a long con.

Photos courtesy of Uchitel’s Twitter and Fame.

This is the type of story that the term schadenfreude is made for, since it involves Rachel Uchitel being beaten at her own game. According to TMZ, Rachel was persuaded by her lawyer, Gloria Allred, to return the bulk of the $10 million package she extorted settlement Tiger Woods gave her in exchange for not holding a press conference revealing details of their affair. Since Rachel is a famewhore (or just leave out the fame part) at heart, she possibly violated the confidentiality clause in her settlement by going on Celebrity Rehab, doing multiple interviews and generally keeping the story alive, even though she claims innocence since she never went on the record about her experiences with Tiger. So Allred advised Uchitel to make a deal with Tiger’s lawyer and give most of the money back, only Allred worked out a nice package for herself where she got to keep her lawyer’s fee. She really is the head madam of the stripper mistresses and she’ll sell them out in a heartbeat. Excuse me while I point and laugh.

TMZ has learned … Rachel Uchitel has given Tiger Woods back most of the settlement money he paid her … and now Rachel is preparing to sue Gloria Allred, the lawyer who struck the deal, allegedly because Gloria sold her out for money.

As TMZ reported, Gloria negotiated a $10 million settlement for Rachel … just hours before Rachel was going to hold a tell-all news conference about Tiger Woods. The settlement included a confidentiality agreement, which prohibited Rachel from talking about Tiger.

We’ve learned the agreement stated … if Rachel violated the confidentiality clause … she would not only have to return the money she received but Tiger could sue her for damages as well.

Sources tell TMZ … several months ago Tiger’s lawyer, Jay Lavely, contacted Gloria and said they were going after Rachel because they believed she violated the confidentiality agreement by allegedly speaking with TMZ and going on “Celebrity Rehab” to treat her “addiction to love” — though she never talked specifically about Tiger on the show.

We’re told Rachel felt strongly she had not violated the agreement, but Gloria allegedly convinced her she would lose if push came to shove, so Gloria struck a deal with Lavely — that Rachel would return the lion’s share of the settlement money.

But our sources say … what has Rachel fuming is that Gloria allegedly made a deal with Jay Lavely — that Gloria would still get all of her attorney’s fees. Rachel believes Gloria sold her out … allegedly making a deal with Tiger’s lawyer to strong-arm Rachel into giving the money back and in return Gloria would get her fee — a fee Gloria would not have received if Rachel went to arbitration and lost.

We’re told Rachel went along with the deal, but as time went on she felt she had gotten screwed, and then hired a malpractice lawyer who has made a demand on Gloria to either pay Rachel what she gave back or get sued.

[From TMZ]

How stupid do you have to be to jeopardize $10 million for a $500k gig on a reality show with D listers? The fame was so important to this idiot that she ended up losing the lottery money she earned for being the first Tiger mistress to go public. Given the sh*tstorm that followed, her silence wasn’t worth four figures not to mention eight. She was just one of over a dozen that we know of.

Tiger was one of countless hookups for Rachel too. A source recently revealed to TMZ that while Rachel was seeing Tiger she was also dating a guy named Jamie Dingman. Dingman, an investment banker and the son of a billionaire, is currently dating Tiger’s ex, Elin Woods. A “friend” of Rachel’s told TMZ that back when Jamie was with Rachel he knew that she was also seeing Tiger and told her “That’s ok. I’ll date his wife, Elin.” Elin sure knows how to pick ‘em.

Rachel Uchitel is shown in 2007 with her Celebrity Rehab costar, Jason Davis. Gloria Allred is shown with Tiger Mistress Joslyn James on 4/5/10. Credit: WENN.com

Rachel Uchitel, the chick who got a $10 million payoff from Tiger Woods for being one of the first mistresses to wise up and cash in, is trying to pitch a reality show. The “docuseries” will chronicle her new career as a private investigator, which she’s apparently really good at since she has firsthand experience with cheating husbands and blackmailing. Radar Online has this news, and apparently Rachel has convinced a production company to work with her and they’re pitching the show to networks now. I hope that it doesn’t get picked up.

The reality show will focus on Uchitel embarking her new career as a private investigator, after graduating with honors from a training program, as well as her newest personal and business relationships.

“I look forward to working with the amazing team at Atlas Media to develop a smart docu-series that will showcase the exciting world of private investigators – a world that has been my primary focus for some time now,” Rachel said in a statement.

“Rachel is smart, engaging, and has a unique and colorful background,” Bruce Klein, President of Atlas Media told RadarOnline.com. “But – surprise – she has a serious talent for private investigation, and is handling real-life cases as we speak.”

The series is being pitched to networks beginning on May 19th, 2011, and doesn’t yet have a title.

[From Radar]

I forgot to mention that this creature was on Celebrity Rehab for an addiction to boning married men, and that she’s claimed that she is “trying to focus on normalcy in my life.” She also lost a fiance in one of the twin towers on 9/11 and said that if that never happened she would never have been so opportunistic or have gotten so much plastic surgery. (Ok, I’m interpreting her comments, the bitch said if 9/11 never happened she would be “fat and happy with kids.” True story.) Oh and she was also with married serial cheater David Boreanaz and claimed that she knew he was married but was “deeply in love” with him and “knew the kind of relationship that David was in.” One where he gives you the old “my wife doesn’t understand me” line and you fall for it. This woman is going to be a good detective. She’s a better grifter, liar and cheater than the people she’ll be investigating.

Rachel is shown out on 3/7/11 with White House party crasher Tareq Salahi. That was apparently about his bid to be on celebrity rehab. Credit: Fame

This morning, famous whore Rachel Uchitel continued her media tour to promote… her appearance on Celebrity Rehab, I guess. She’s probably also promoting her vagina in some way too. In the CBS News interview, Rachel covers much of the same ground as the whole “being a dumb whore who thought boning a married dude would lead to love is now considered an addiction” argument, which we heard yesterday. Rachel does come out with some gems in this piece too – and shock of shocks, I’ve never heard her voice before today. She sounds different than what I was expecting – I mean, don’t get me wrong, she’s doing that hokey stripper voice thing that Paris Hilton does. But her voice is lower than I expected.

Rachel Uchitel became a tabloid sensation a year ago as a result of her involvement with Tiger Woods. In her own words, she was “famous for being infamous.” Now, her focus has turned to her addictions, which are chronicled in the VH1 series, “Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab.” The show’s fourth season premieres tomorrow night.

In expectation of the show, Uchitel appeared on “The Early Show” Tuesday to talk about her experience in treatment. Uchitel, “Early Show” co-anchor Erica Hill pointed out, could not discuss Tiger Woods because of a confidentiality agreement.

However, Hill said, because of the Tiger Woods events last year, Uchitel says she is viewed in public as a villain, which forced her into seclusion. Hill asked Uchitel, “Why, then, put yourself out there again? Why come forward again and be in the spotlight?”

Uchitel responded, “Well, you know, I decided that I was not OK with the media creating this cartoon character of who I was. And I had been offered ‘Celebrity Apprentice,’ and then I was offered ‘Celebrity Rehab,’ and at first, there was no way that I wanted to do ‘Celebrity Rehab.’ I didn’t consider myself an addict. I didn’t consider myself an actress. I didn’t consider myself a celebrity. And I just had no interest in doing a show like that. And then, after doing a lot of soul searching, I knew that I needed help. I didn’t know what I needed help for. But I knew that Dr. Drew could help me and I figured the only way to have people be able to look into who I was, and hear things from me, was by doing the show. And if people want to judge me based on who I am when I’ve put myself out there, then I’m totally OK with that. But I wasn’t OK with the media creating somebody for everybody to dislike.”

Uchitel was treated for addiction to prescription drugs and love, Hill said, which Uchitel was dismissive of – at first.

Uchitel said, “I was totally against it at first. I was like, love addiction? What is that? That sounds ridiculous. But, you know, I always considered addictions something with a substance – cocaine, meth, heroin. And you know, I finally came to terms when I was spending time in rehab, and with Dr. Drew, to understand that I had a problem. I realized what that label was. And that there was a solution to it. And I realized that that is called love addiction. And what that means for me is I mistake intensity for intimacy. And I missed all the red flags that people have. And I sort of put a bag on somebody’s head and create them into this knight in shining armor that’s going to save me from this hole in my heart that really, I came to learn, was created after the loss of fiancé in the World Trade Center. On top of the fact that I had lost my father years before. So losing two primary male figures in my life really affected me.”

Uchitel told Hill she’s “a completely different person” since her 17-day stay in rehab.

She explained, “I want to emphasize that this was by no means a reality show. It was rehab. There was nothing that was staged. It was really difficult to be there. … Afterwards I went into a sober living environment where, again, I wasn’t addicted to alcohol or anything like that, but I wanted to be involved in a place where people were really open and understanding of what was going on.”

She added, “I have been given the opportunity now to look inside, and take a deeper look at what’s going on with me and why I do things, why I make decisions, why I surround myself with certain people. And I’ve completely changed that. So I’m very aware of everything that I’m doing. And I really changed what makes me happy. And how I find happiness.”

Uchitel said she’s in “constant recovery” with the rehab staff from the show.

“I still see them on a weekly basis, and I’m in continual therapy,” she said.

Hill asked, “Can you date while you’re doing something like that?”

Uchitel responded, “Yeah, I can date. It’s been, you know, I’m really trying to focus on normalcy in my life. You know, so I’m trying to figure out I can do to motivate me to get out of bed and be happy every day. So, you know, yes, I’m dating. But, it’s, you know, on a much different level than it was before.”

[From CBS News]

So she didn’t know she was a love addict until Dr. Drew persuaded her? Does anyone else think that at this point, Dr. Drew is the proverbial hammer to which every dumb addict and whore looks like a nail?

Oh, and I LOVE that Uchitel is playing the “all I want is to be normal!” card. She doesn’t want to be normal. She wants to be famous, and she’s just whoring herself out in a completely different way now.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Rachel Uchitel is famous for being a dumb whore. But she wants to change people’s minds – Rachel wants us to know that she’s a victim too. A victim of her crazy vagina. I think. No, according to Rachel, she’s got a disease, and it‘s not (just) The Herpe. Rachel‘s disease is that she thinks that every time a married dude pays her to have sex and keep her mouth shut, that it means that he‘s her knight in shining armor come to rescue her from her whoredom. That’s a disease now, just FYI. According to Rachel, “People think it is a moral issue if somebody falls in love, all over the place. It is not, it is a disease and disorder; it is where you feel like you have a hole in your heart and you are waiting for a knight in shining armor to come and save you.” FOR REAL. She can’t help it, people. She’s got a DISEASE.

Rachel Uchitel, in a rare TV interview with the Today Show on Monday, talked about her addiction to love and how it led her astray – and into Tiger Woods’ bed. Uchitel, 35, also denied talking about her affair with Woods in a recent Daily Mail article, saying she only discussed her stint on the upcoming season of Celebrity Rehab with the English paper.

Uchitel, the Manhattan hostess who was the first mistress reported in the Woods infidelity saga, appeared on the show in a sexy black skirt and pumped-up lips alongside her Celebrity Rehab mentor, Dr. Drew Pinsky.

Uchitel was quoted by the Daily Mail earlier this month saying she’d “never ever imagined in my wildest dreams that I would be caught up in a scandal like this,” as well as admitting she’d “plunged headfirst into relationships which I should never have been in.”

Not so, Uchitel said Monday.

“Those words never even came out of my mouth,” Uchitel, who received a rumored payout estimated as high as $10 million from the golfer in exchange for her silence, told The Today Show Monday. “The interview was about Celebrity Rehab. I knew that I needed help,” Uchitel, who said she went on the program to deal with a love addiction. “And I wanted to get it from Dr. Drew.”

Uchitel also said she was being treated for addiction to Ambien and other prescribtion medications, which she did not identify. Pinsky said that Uchitel’s condition is partly triggered by traumatic events in her past, such as the premature deaths of her father and her one-time fiancée Andy O’Grady, who perished in the September 11, 2001 attacks on the World Trade Center.

“I’m a completely different person now than I was before I went on the show,” Uchitel said.

In an earlier exclusive interview with RadarOnline.com, Uchitel foreshadowed what she would say on Today.

“People think it is a moral issue if somebody falls in love, all over the place,” Uchitel told us. “It is not, it is a disease and disorder; it is where you feel like you have a hole in your heart and you are waiting for a knight in shining armor to come and save you. But it is not an excuse for anyone’s behavior. You get stuck in relationships that are not right for you; you basically put a mask over somebody’s head and pretend they’re somebody who they’re not. In the end, you get disappointed when they don’t react the way you want them to.”

The new cycle of Celebrity Rehab — described by Dr. Drew as “the most intense season” yet — premieres on Wednesday at 10/9c on VH1.

[From Radar]

Everybody’s always a victim, aren’t they? Every a–hole is always in a state of perpetual martyrdom, always pulling some angle to excuse their stupid behavior. Whatever happened to a chick like Rachel saying “Yeah, I slept with Tiger Woods because I wanted to, because I’m so dumb I thought he’d marry me.” Stupid is not a disease. Stupid is just stupid.

Tiger Woods’ first known mistress Rachel Uchitel has an epic interview with The Daily Mail in which she gives us even more evidence that she’s a self absorbed piece of work. It’s pretty phenomenal how narcissistic and full of herself she comes across, and I’ve read prior interviews with her and had the lowest expectations. In this interview, Rachel tries to portray herself as this victim of circumstance on one hand (her fiance died in the Twin Towers on 9/11) and as a bootstrapping entrepreneur on the other. She only manages to come across as completely superficial and willing to use whatever excuses she can to justify her behavior.

On how she would be “fat and happy” if 9/11 never happened
“People have called me all sorts of names, but they don’t know me. I am not the same as the other girls and I never ever imagined in my wildest dreams that I would be caught up in a scandal like this. If things had been different and 9/11 had never happened, my life would have taken a different course. I’d be fat and happy, living in a big house in Long Island with a load of kids. I’m only telling my story now so that people can discover what sort of girl I am and learn the truth about me. If they still choose to hate me, then so be it. But I never set out to hurt anyone.”

Interviewer on how she constantly asks if she’s fat
In person, Rachel is tiny. Like so many women in Los Angeles, she has generously proportioned artificial breasts, plumped-up lips and a body kept whippet-thin with daily two-hour sessions in the gym (she’s clearly obsessed by her weight and constantly asks me if she looks fat). She has bought a pretty floral dress especially for our photoshoot but admits: ‘It is not something I would normally be caught dead in. But I want to show a different side of me. I’ve been branded as a scarlet woman but I am much, much more than that.’

Claims she’s a love addict, will never sleep with a married man again
“People don’t really understand love addiction, but I think a lot of women will relate to it. Instead of filling themselves with booze or drugs, love addicts become emotionally invested in a series of bad relationships. Since I lost Andy, I have always been looking for the perfect man. I wanted a man who would marry me, give me the house and children I long for. I plunged headfirst into relationships which I should never have been in.”

I ask her if she regrets sleeping with a married man: “Yes, of course,” she snaps. “I will never, ever do that again.”

On how she coped after her fiance died
“I sat in the closet in his clothes just to smell him. The doctors gave me pills to sleep. That’s when my addiction to Ambien started (Rachel allegedly introduced Tiger to the sleeping drug he took before he crashed his car). Andy’s credit cards were returned, burned, in the mail. Every day they would find bits of his life, a burned driver’s licence or whatever, and I would have to open the envelope.

“I went through hell. I fell to pieces. When the one-year anniversary of 9/11 happened, most of his friends had moved on. People we knew had married and were starting families. I felt robbed.”

On how she got a job as a club promoter
After that, Rachel says: “I had to leave New York and move on with my life for my own sanity. I had to reinvent myself.” She loaded her belongings into her car and headed west to Las Vegas, where her grandfather had a house.

Within months she had landed a job as head of VIP operations at Tao Nightclub in The Venetian casino. She later acted in a similar role at other clubs in Vegas, including The Bank at Bellagio.

“I am not a whore, nor am I a girl impressed by money or fame,’ she says. ‘I have a brain and I came from money. I never needed any man’s money.’

On how she knew bigwigs and got them hookers
“I still have my little black book and it has 5,000 men in there who are pretty much the men who run the world,” she says grandly.

“My life became one of private jets. My job was to get the high-rollers, or whales as we called them into the club and give them anything and everything they wanted to have the best night of their lives – guys who would order 100 bottles of Cristal champagne in a night or even blow $500,000 [£300,000] on one night of partying.

“If they wanted steak, they got steak. If they wanted a certain song, I”d get it played on a loop all night. A Saudi prince loved Uptown Girl so I sent someone out to get it and that prince had Uptown Girl all night.

“And if they wanted girls, I’d get them girls, though you have to understand I never got involved in that side of things. Of course, some of the girls were hookers. And others would sleep with men for gifts. But I didn’t force anyone to do anything. These were consenting adults. I was there to work and make money. It was strictly business.” She claims she earned £300,000 a year: “I was paid well and got huge tips. I deserved it. I was good at my job.”

[From The Daily Mail]

It’s as if she had no other options after losing her fiance than moving to Vegas, becoming a club promoter and glomming on rich men. She supposedly worked as a television producer at Bloomberg beforehand. It goes on, but I’ll spare you. Rachel refuses to talk about her rumored $10 million settlement from Tiger, but the interviewer notes that Rachel has purchased an over $3 million penthouse in New York and that she still owns a condo in Vegas. Oh and Rachel also puts in some digs at Tiger’s other mistresses, calling Mindy Lawton (the HoJos hostess) “poor Mindy” and saying of Jaimee Grubbs “The poor girl had a tooth missing. Honestly! She was toothless!” These other girls are “poor” to Rachel because they weren’t “smart” enough to blackmail Tiger as effectively as she was. She “never needed any man’s money” but she sure took a huge chunk of it when the opportunity presented itself.

Here’s Rachel with her date Jason “Gummi Bear” Davis at a charity event on 10/23/10. Maybe she’s with him because she knows he could never make her look fat. Credit: WENN.com

Rachel Uchitel was the hooker/party girl/“events planner” that Tiger Woods was having an affair with when The National Enquirer called him out 11 months ago. Many tend to forget that Uchitel had a married lover before Tiger – Bones actor David Boreanaz. Star Magazine had that scoop a few months before the Tiger story broke, but it took months and months of Tiger’s revelations for the Boreanaz story to come out. Basically, David and Rachel had a months-long affair in the spring and summer of 2009, when his wife was pregnant with their daughter. When David got caught up in the whirlwind of the Tiger scandal, he gave a vague non-admission of guilt in which he cried about how much pain he was in because he got caught. That didn’t stop Rachel for basically trying to destroy him, giving multiple interviews about their affair and how she was the one to dump him (for Tiger), plus releasing texts from their relationship. The whole sordid story became easier to believe once we found out that David was/is probably a dirt bag who cheats on his wife with porn stars and sexually harasses women casually. Anyway, Rachel Uchitel has given yet another interview about her affair with David, and she still sounds like a f-cking piece of work:

Rachel Uchitel had affairs with David Boreanaz and Tiger Woods, but she wants people to know she’s “just a normal girl” and “absolutely not the wicked witch that people have made me out to be.”

In a new interview to promote her upcoming appearance on Celebrity Rehab, the former NYC events planner, who was reportedly treated for “love addiction” on the reality show, opens up about her affair with the Bones star — a story Star broke one year ago.

“It was a situation where I was deeply in love with somebody and he was deeply in love with me,” Rachel told E! News about her relationship with David. “You never know what you’re being told — no matter who you are, no matter what relationship you’re in — you never really know if the person is really being honest with you. I took a chance and I bet on the wrong horse.”

When asked if she was aware of David’s marital status — he’s been married to wife Jaime Bergman since 2001 and, at the time of the affair, she was pregnant with their second child — Rachel said, “I did know David was married. But I also knew the kind of relationship that David was in.”

Rachel was less forthcoming about her relationship with the pro golfer — another Star exclusive, which we broke over Thanksgiving of last year. However, despite numerous reports that Tiger paid her a large settlement in return for her silence, the bombshell claims that not speaking about him publicly is her own decision as part of moving forward from the drama.

“I really changed my life in the last year,” said Rachel, who is studying to be a detective and dating on Match.com. “I’ve changed all the people that I speak to. I’ve changed what I do for a living. My entire way that I live is completely different.”

[From Star Magazine]

Yeah, Rachel is so “changed”. That’s why she comes out with such gems as “you never really know if the person is really being honest with you. I took a chance and I bet on the wrong horse.” ABOUT A MARRIED MAN. Gee, can I trust a married guy who is trying to get in my pants? Or is he just feeding me one of the oldest lines in book?!? Ugh, this bitch.

These are photos from Rachel’s appearance at The Carousel of Hope event this past weekend… Rachel crashed the event. She wasn’t invited. And that’s Jason “Gummi Bear” Davis with her… sources say they’re dating. Ugh.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

So Elin Woods and Tiger Woods’ divorce has been finalized, and I’m sure there was a gigantic party/waitress gang-bang in Florida last night in celebration. Still, there is the post-game analysis, and it’s what you would expect. According to TMZ’s sources, Elin and Tiger didn’t even speak to each other as they sat in the Panama City courthouse for the final nail in their marriage’s coffin. Elin had eight lawyers with her! Goodness. As far as analyzing Elin’s current mood, sources are split. She’s either “so happy that it’s over” or “she’s devastated by everything that happened and filing the paper and making the divorce official brought home the reality of the situation and it hit her hard.” Also, Radar’s sources have Elin staying in Orlando, Florida, not Sweden. Apparently, she’s training for a triathlon in an attempt to lift this “heavy toll”. Long-term? Sources say: “The reality of her marriage ending hit her hard. She never thought she’d be in this position. She had no idea that Tiger was cheating on her the entire time she was married. She doesn’t talk to Tiger. They almost never come face to face anymore and when they do she doesn’t say a word. This is not a divorce where the parties are going to end up being friendly toward each other. There is still a lot of raw pain.”

As far as Tiger and my image of “the morning after” his divorce became final – an image of DD bras scattered on marble, wilting whipped cream, used condoms strewn about and empty Ambien bottles – well, no one is really paying attention to Tiger’s frame of mind. Except for Rachel Uchitel, his former mistress, and the chatty “events planner” whose indiscreet conversations to friends started the whole public parade of whores. Rachel stopped boning Jeremy London for two seconds to call up a friend and say that she wanted to get back with Tiger. The friend then promptly hung up on Rachel and called TMZ:

Rachel Uchitel has just told a very close friend … now that Tiger Woods is single, she wants him back and would “give up everything” to get him.

The friend — someone we know spoke to Rachel yesterday — tells TMZ Rachel said … “I feel horrible for him. He loved her. But he was in love with me. I hope he remembers that was real, and reaches out to me.”

Rachel added, “I’d give up everything to be with him again.”

Does that include the $10 million?

[From TMZ]

Call me crazy, but I don’t think Uchitel and Woods hooking up for real is the worst idea. They kind of deserve each other, right? And honestly, I do think Tiger “loved” Rachel. Or rather, I think she was his favorite mistress, or his favorite when the scandals started to break. I think she must have had the most dirt on him too – thus, the $10 million payoff and the threats Tiger’s people made to ensure that Rachel kept her mouth shut. There are even rumors floating around that Rachel and Tiger want to get married. To which I say, let them. It will be hilarious.

Rachel Uchitel is doing Celebrity Rehab because she’s a “love addict”. If by “love” you mean “love of cocaine and pills and married men”. Allegedly, when things got too intense with Dr. Drew, Uchitel tried to escape, only to come back to the Rehab house or whatever. Uchitel might have had another reason for coming back – apparently, she’s been getting along with another patient. Wouldn’t you know, he’s married? It’s Jeremy London, he of the sketchy “kidnapped and forced to do drugs” story. Jeremy’s wife thinks he’s boning Uchitel, and Jeremy just gave an interview to Radar where he’s trying to deny it – but in the end, it sounds like he and Rachel are hitting it pretty hard:

Rachel Uchitel has been accused of charming another married man, but this time it’s Celebrity Rehab alum Jeremy London.

London’s estranged wife Melissa has told friends she believes the Mallrats and Party of Five star is involved in a romantic relationship with Uchitel, RadarOnline.com has learned.

While he stopped short of denying a romance, London told RadarOnline.com he had a strong relationship with Tiger Woods’ former mistress, someone he describes as an “amazing, intelligent and sensitive person”.

“I’m very protective of Rachel because of our friendship,” London said. “She’s been wrongfully persecuted by the media and because of what the media has done to me after I was nearly murdered, I relate to her.”

Jeremy and Melissa, who married in 2006, have had a rocky relationship. It reached its head when he was allegedly kidnapped, robbed and forced to smoke drugs during an ordeal in Palm Springs. The pair, who were together that night, later checked into rehabilitation together.

London joined the crew of Dr. Drew’s Celebrity Rehab 4, while Melissa became an in-patient at Pasadena Recovery Center, to be treated for a prescription drug addiction.
Since completing treatment, however, the pair has separated but remained legally married.

“She said she had to get out of LA and the Hollywood scene,” a source told RadarOnline.com.

Another source told RadarOnline.com that Melissa flipped out on Jeremy after she confronted him about having a sexual relationship with Rachel Uchitel.

“Rachel and I are good friends PERIOD,” London told RadarOnline.com exclusively.
“Melissa is ridiculous… she has no idea what she’s talking about and she’s behaving like a child. Rachel is an amazing, intelligent and sensitive person; she’s a human being with human feelings.”

As RadarOnline.com revealed, Uchitel checked into a sober living facility in Malibu, California, to be close to London and other co-stars, who moved there once the show finished filming.

In an interview earlier this month, Melissa told RadarOnline.com she and Jeremy were legally separated and said there was no chance of a reconciliation between the pair.

“Right now, I can date whomever I want and he can date whomever he wants,” she said.
“Rekindling our marriage is out of the questions but I want him to be a good supportive father to our son.”

[From Radar]

God, Jeremy sounds like he’s totally enamored. Are Rachel Uchitel’s blow jobs really that f-cking awesome? Because Tiger Woods was all over it too – she must have some kind of hidden talents that I’m just too sheltered to “get”. In any case, what a mess. And how the mighty whore has fallen too, right? Uchitel used to bone married A-listers. Now she’s stuck with Jeremy London? Poor thing.

London on December 3, 2009. Uchitel on December 10, 2009. Credit: WENN.