I always wondered what happens to the players in a celebrity sex scandal. The celebrity usually gets to continue on with their career unabated. For the non-celeb partner in the scandal, it can often lead to new and exciting opportunities.

Take Rebecca Loos, for example. She’s had a sordid affair with David Beckham, while he was away from his wife and children in Spain. Using her new found notoriety, she appeared on a few celebrity television shows, most notably The Farm, where she masturbated a pig for some reason. Just to embarrass us all, I suspect. She also had a fake marriage to Jenny Shimizu, who is noted for her claimed relationships with Angelina Jolie and Madonna.

She’s basically slept with someone famous, and built her own small level of fame from it. Now, she’s using that to catapult her new single into the charts, or try to. You can listen to her song below. She ‘sings’ along to some irritating effects, saying “Can you tell me if your boyfriends in? Tell him I’ve got something for him. Cos I know he’s waiting for me. That’s the way it’s gonna be.”

I can’t imagine why she’d want to use her affair with David Beckham to promote herself. If I had an affair with a married man, who didn’t leave his wife (they never do), I would be so embarrassed. I would be ashamed to tell my friends, let alone sell the story to the tabloids.

Marie Claire last April featured a story titled Kiss and Sell, detailing what happens to the non-celeb half of a celebrity sex scandal when the story is over. Lisa Robertson, the flight attendant who had relations with Ralph Fiennes on an international flight while on duty, was fired from her job as a stewardess and revealed as a prostitute to her family. She was fired from the brothel that she worked at also.

Daisy Wright, who was Jude Law’s nanny before becoming something a little more meaningful, now lives away from her homeland of England and finds it hard to get work. She still works as a nanny.

I guess all this shows that while you might make some good money from selling your story, in the long term it might not be the best move you can make for your career.

Note by Celebitchy: Here’s Rebecca Loos’ song. It made me lol several times.

Rebecca Loos is shown at the You, Me and Dupree London premiere on 8/22/06, thanks to PRPhotos.

Proving that an Australian Dad is more effective than a room full of Puff Daddy bodyguards – and fiercer than a pocketful of pitbulls - the father of the Quantas stewardess alleged to have had cramped yet credible mile high sex with Ralph Fiennes came to her defense:

Graham Roberston, told a Sydney radio station that his daughter - was not expecting to be reinstated.
‘She probably knows she’s going to lose it,’ Robertson said. ‘I couldn’t imagine her doing it up in the plane,’ he added. ‘You’ve got other staff there and customers.’
He was highly critical of colleagues who reported her toilet tryst to management, saying they were ‘probably as ugly as a hatful of arseholes and were just jealous.’

via playfuls

You have to admire the Antipodean Oedipal Complex: it lacks the imagination for bathroom sex, but the mental gymnastics involved in a milliners colonoscopy … not a problem. The ever imaginative Graham continued on a more prosaic note.

He added: “Lisa just does her job. If someone wants a coffee and biscuits, she looks after them. She’s not a bad looking girl. If you do the right thing people take a liking to you.”

Talk about damned by faint praise: ‘not bad looking’ is less touching as a paternal compliment when you realize how low down the totem pole Dad has built his idea of ugly … what with the hatfuls of it mentioned earlier. I’m guessing Lisa goes hatless regardless of the weather or at the very least favors scarves for windy runways.

Chiming in from the other side of the aisle, Ralph Fiennes girlfriend of the last five-months held forth on why she finds tales of Ralphie as bathroom bimbo no surprise:

I interior designer Sirin Lewenden, was not surprised when she read in the papers about Ralph Fiennes and his little escapade. She ended their relationship citing Fiennes’ “wandering eye”, “moodiness” and “constant demands for sex”.

“Sirin found it quite exhausting,” a friend of the actor said.

“She likes a bit of fun but also likes a much simpler life. In the end she had had enough.”

“They split because of Ralph’s wandering eye and his constant demands for what might best be described as unconventional sex. He could also be prone to the odd mood swing.”

“Now Ralph is single and clearly enjoying it. It was with no great surprise that Sirin heard of the sexual encounter on the flight,” the friend of the British actor said.

The rule seems to be with Hollywood Englishmen (Hugh Grant anyone?) the floppier the hair the filthier the lad.

Turns out this Englishman ain’t so patient after all:

News Australia reports

Sydney-based Lisa Robertson, 38, met the star of The English Patient while working in the business-class cabin on flight QF 123 from Darwin to Mumbai on January 24.
In a confidential report to Qantas management obtained by The Sunday Telegraph, Ms Robertson is accused of chatting to Fiennes during the flight and being seen exiting the same toilet moments apart.
She claims Fiennes, 44, became “amorous” towards her in the toilet.

She should really be relieved, if he had followed her into the bathroom for any other reason than a bit of “getting amorous with the glamorous,” this could have been a far more disturbing tale. Imagine if Chuck Berry had followed her into that little toilet. Actually don’t imagine it.

Qantas staff who were aware of the incident said last night the couple were caught after crew members waited outside the toilet.

I bet they did. And not in a villagers with pitchforks sense, but in a giggling high-five you go-girl. It’s not like airline crews have a centuries old reputation for the moral highground.
Still one bitter, jealous rival did her the dirty and turned her in …

“While conversing with Mr Fiennes during my break, I expressed a need to go to the toilet,” Ms Robertson said in her statement.
“I went to the nearby toilet and entered it, he followed me and entered the same toilet.
“I explained to him that this was inappropriate and asked him to leave. Mr Fiennes became amorous towards me and, after a short period of time, I convinced him to leave the toilet, which he did.
“I left the toilet a short time later. At no time did any crew member come to my assistance.

And Imagine if they had … Quantas would have the a reputation as the swingingest of airlines. And Ralph Fiennes, who hasnt done much cinematically memorable of late, would get a real reputation boost. The star so big that just one stewardess won’t do — bring on the whole cabin crew — you’ll be feeling Fiennes.

It’s comforting to know that even in this era of heightened airline security – celebrity sex still trumps all other concerns. You can’t smoke in the toilets or even light matches for a little scent camouflage without having the flight landed, but if you go in fo a bit flying the friendly skies with an amorous Academy Award nominee … just make sure you get along with your co-workers