Ian Halperin isn’t the only person who can write a fictionalized re-imagining of Brad and Angelina’s relationship. There’s a new scandalous tell-all about to be released, and Life & Style previews some of the accusations leveled at Brangelina by author Jenny Paul. You know what’s weird? Some of the stuff in here I’d really like to be true. Like, allegedly Angelina had a sexual relationship with Ralph Fiennes. Which would be so f-cking hot, I think. Angie and Ralph would make a sexier couple than she and Brad, but I’m betting that’s just me. Oh, and Angelina and Mick Jagger? I could kind of see that one too, although the timeline Ms. Paul provides seems weird. Ms. Paul also proclaims that Brad is the one who is pretty much in charge – which, I have to admit, is a refreshing change from the “Angelina is a ball-busting demon, Brad weeps into goat beard daily” stories. Here’s more:

The two Hollywood stars Angelina was sleeping with when she met Brad, how she won Brad from Jen, the truth about their sex life…and more! Author of the shocking new tell-all book talks ONLY to LIFE & STYLE revealing the juiciest secrets about Hollywood’s hottest couple

“Hollywood will be rocked by these revelations about Brad and Angelina” – The book’s author, Jenny Paul, to Life & Style

Ever since split rumors exploded following their widely reported meeting with lawyers in January, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have seemingly done everything in their power to prove their love is unshakable. But fighting the split rumors will pale in comparison to their next big battle.

Life & Style has exclusively obtained details from a shocking new tell-all book on the couple — Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie: The True Story. One of the most shocking revelations in the tell-all — Angelina was sleeping with Hollywood star Ralph Fiennes and ex-husband Jonny Lee Miller when she met Brad in 2004!

The book also reveals that Angie slept with Mick Jagger (then married to Jerry Hall) around the time she appeared in the 1997 Rolling Stones video for “Anybody Seen My Baby.” And in March 2003, the two were seen going back to his room at the Oriental hotel in Bangkok, Thailand.

“This [book] will answer all the questions Brangelina fans have yet to have answered,” the book’s author, Jenny Paul, tells Life & Style. Paul, who spent the past six years investigating the notoriously private couple, spoke to those closest to them, including Angelina’s late mother’s former boyfriend Bill Day and Angelina’s old confidant, rock singer Texas Terri.

The tantalizing tell-all offers a fascinating blow-by-blow of the genesis of the couple’s romance.

“Brad told Angelina just weeks into filming Mr. & Mrs. Smith that his marriage to Jen was over in every way apart from on paper and had been for more than a year,” says Paul, who spoke to an insider who detailed Brad and Angie’s secret trysts, which began soon after. According to the book, Brad told Angelina that he and Jen were just good friends and were waiting for the right time to officially end their marriage.

Life & Style has also learned that the book reveals Brad and Angelina’s plan to have 13 children. “Some will be adopted, some will be biological,” Paul tells the mag. And when they’ll have those kids may be up to Brad — because he’s the one calling the shots these days. “The power base in the relationship has changed,” Paul reveals. “Angelina wore the pants first, but now Brad’s the one wearing them.”

[From Life & Style Magazine]

The Mick Jagger stuff is weird, isn’t it? So, they had an affair back in 1997, when she did the video, and then they had another affair in 2003? Sure. Okay. I’ll buy that Mick might be one of Angelina’s “types”. As for the whole thing about her sleeping with two other men when she first met Brad, once again, I’m buying it (she’s admitted as much, anyway). But why is it a big deal? I know she was bangin’ her ex-husband Jonny Lee Miller for years after they divorced (and I bet it was really hot too). And I remember back in 2005, Angelina was still spending time with Jonny, even when she and Brad were officially “together”. So there may have been a little overlap between her other relationships and her relationship with Brad? Meh. Brad doesn’t seem to mind.

UPDATE: OH YES PLEASE. More about the alleged affair with Ralph, via Jezebel: “In the book, the sources say Angelina was sleeping with Jonny Lee Miller and Ralph Fiennes when she met Brad Pitt and she’d just ended a four-month relationship with Colin Farrell, because he was becoming obsessed with her, and he drank too much and wasn’t a good role model for Maddox. An insider claims that Angelina and Ralph Fiennes met for regular S&M sex sessions at a hotel in London. “They would order room service and watch the news together in bed afterward.”" Sweet Jesus. I am praying that this true now.

Here’s the Rolling Stones’ video for “Anbody Seen My Baby” with Vintage Jolie:

Some of Jolie’s men:

I’ve got several pieces of Gerard Butler news (Hurray!). First up: a great denial. Over the weekend, Gerard Butler and Lindsay Lohan were at the same hotel opening in Morocco, and they might have hooked up. This was according to the British papers, who reported Lindsay Lohan saying something along the lines of “He’s hot, he’s mine! I’ve got no ring on my finger so I’m going to have lots of fun. This is the most romantic place in the world.” The next day, Lohan denied that crap on Twitter and to Gossip Cop. Meanwhile, Gerard was strangely quiet. For about a minute. And then his rep told Gossip Cop: “It is completely untrue and we are taking action against these claims.” Ha! Gerard will bang anything that moves, but he draws the line at a Lohan. He’ll sue over that sh-t.

Next up: Gerard has been confirmed for a role in Ralph Fiennes’ Coriolanus. Gerry will play Tullus Aufidius! If you’d like a refresher on Coriolanus, Wikipedia seems to have a decent synopsis. Sigh… Ralph and Gerard in the same movie? How will I choose between them? So, so hot.

Get ready Gerard Butler fans: The Scottish hunk is going back to the ancient world in Ralph Fiennes‘s movie version of Shakespeare’s most violent play, “Coriolanus.”

However, 300 buffs, eager to catch a glimpse of Gerard’s six-pack, might not see as much of the Ugly Truth actor as they’d like, since this is a contemporary adaptation of the violent political drama.

Gerard, 39, will play Tullus Aufidius, commander of the Volscian army from Shakespeare’s play, while Ralph, 46, will take the title role.

The hot Scot joins a cast that includes William Hurt and Vanessa Redgrave in Ralph’s directorial debut.

[From OK! Magazine]

My final piece of Butler news comes from Radar. They did an interview with the guy who allegedly (or not so allegedly, I think the guy is the real deal) trained Gerard for 300. And yes, I’m only bringing this up because I want to think about, write about and swoon over Gerard’s abs. According to this trainer, Gerry worked really hard on his physique for 300 - but he didn’t want to look like a bodybuilder:

If you’ve seen the movie 300, you know that Gerard Butler sports some of Hollywood’s most enviable abs through most of the film!

RadarOnline.com spoke to the trainer who gave the actor his infamous washboard stomach and he revealed tips on how you can get your body in shape just in time for the holidays!

“When Gerard came to me, the producers wanted him to look like a real Spartan warrior, not a bodybuilder,” celebrity trainer and nutrition expert Brian Abercrombie told RadarOnline.com. “I put him on a system I’ve developed called PASE. It’s based on power, agility, strength and endurance.

You’re working with multi-joint, big movements. The result make a person look more like an athlete and less like a bodybuilder.”

Abercrombie, who also trained Brad Pitt for the film Legends of the Fall and Kalifornia, has recently turned his expertise into several articles, the first of which is titled, “You’re fat and This is Why.” He says that when it comes to motivation, it’s the celebrities who have a hard time getting out of bed and into the gym.

“Celebrities are generally harder, with the spectacular exception of Gerard,” Abercrombie said. “He knew he had to get his body in shape. It was imperative for the role. But I generally find that celebrities want immediate results. They have 30 minutes to look this way…and they want to look this way now. They tend to not want to work as hard and still expect the same results.”

So when it comes to getting your own body in shape, Abercrombie says there are a few tricks you can do even if you don’t have a trainer.

“The first thing is just to start,” he said. “Don’t try to do too much at first. I find that my clients tend to come back if they start out slow, and just learn the correct form, learn the routines. The intensity level will gradually build. If you can learn to think like an athlete, you’re one step ahead of the game and you’ll become an athlete.”

[From Radar]

This is funny to me, because when Gerard talks about what he does to get in shape, he always whines about his diet. This is a man who loves his chocolate, his deep-friend everything, his carbs and his sugars. I don’t think Gerard minds working out – but it’s probably really hard for him to stick with any kind of diet. Poor Gerry! I want to feed him. I want to feed him everything.

Gerard Butler is shown in stills from Law Abiding Citizen, via WENN.com

CB and I were just chatting about Ralph Fiennes and whether or not he’s creepy. CB is definitely in the “hell yes, that man is too good at playing creeps to not be one himself” category. I’m in the “but he’s so pretty, and so talented, he would marry me if he ever met me and I bet he’s a freak in the sack” category. I don’t really understand how people cannot love Ralph Fiennes, even after that unfortunate incident back in 2007 involving a flight attendant, a airplane bathroom, and no condom. Sigh. Never before had I wanted to be an unfortunate-looking flight attendant.

Anyway, my original immortal beloved Ralph is vacationing in St. Tropez with his dear friend Liam Neeson. I wonder who had the idea to vacation together? Did Liam ask Ralph to come, or did Ralph suggest a holiday? They seem to be having a good time – Ralph more than Liam, because Ralph seems to be smiling in most of these pictures. Ralph looks great in that blue shirt, too. Yummy.

It looks like they might have a couple of young women with them too – but I’m not jumping to conclusions. I think I see one of Liam’s sons, so those girls could be Liam’s sons’ girlfriends or friends. My favorites of this group of pictures are the ones of Ralph and Liam sitting under some kind of shade, looking at something out of frame. I like how they’re sitting together, pretty close. It says to me “We’re men, we gossip at the beach like everyone else, whatever.”

Ralph seems to have been a major part of Liam’s support system after Natasha’s death this past March. Ralph and Liam have been close friends since they worked together on Schindler’s List in 1992, and Ralph was also very close to Natasha. I think it’s really cool that Ralph’s stepped up in a big way to help Liam through a difficult time. And I just love a good bromance at the beach!

Photo Credit: ELIOT PRESS/bauergriffinonline.com

The off Broadway production of “Mary Stuart” opened yesterday at the Broadhurst Theatre in NY. “Stuart” is a drama about the rivalry between Queen Mary of Scotland and Queen Elizabeth I, and stars Harriet Walter and Janet McTeer. Celebrities were on hand at the opening yesterday, including Ralph Fiennes and Liam Neeson, Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick, Kevin Spacey, Laura Linney, and Marcia Gay Harden.

Parker wore a black satin sheath paired with skinny black pants, a black tuxedo jacket, and fushcia pink shoes with bows on them. The 44 year-old actress was at the opening with her husband of over 11 years, Matthew Broderick. Breakup rumors have dodged the pair for months, but they happily posed together and looked like everything was fine despite Parker’s outfit. It’s like Parker is mimicking her SATC character’s fashion risks and getting it wrong, particularly with the shoes. This isn’t the first time she’s raised eyebrows with her fashion and it won’t be the last. At least her husband doesn’t seem to mind.

It’s nice to see Liam Neeson out and about supported by friends. Last Wednesday Neeson took in a Knicks game with his sons, Daniel and Michael, and family friend, actor Aidan Quinn.

Thanks to Juan Rico/Fame Pictures and Sylvain Gaboury / PR Photos for these photos

Ralph Fiennes, one of the greatest actors working today, has decided to join forces with one of the greatest comedians working today – Ricky Gervais. Ricky and Ralph, Ricky and Ralph! I’m so happy I just squealed.

Ralph signed on to The Men at the Pru, a film that Gervais co-wrote with Stephen Merchant, with Ricky attached as director. This comes just days after it was announced that Ralph would be re-teaming with his old friend Liam Neeson for a remake of Clash of the Titans. Ralph rarely does comedy, but he’s not really the stale, humorless “Actor” that he’s often portrayed as. In interviews, I usually find him funny and charming, and I can see him doing well with a Ricky Gervais script.

Ralph Fiennes is a busy boy these days. First, the news the Oscar-nominated actor is set to join the cast of Clash of the Titans as Hades, lord of the Underworld. It’s also emerged that he’s set to join the cast of The Men At The Pru, the new comedy from Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant.

It’s not yet known who Fiennes will be playing in the 70s-set comedy, which will mark the first time that The Office and Extras creators have written and directed a movie together. But it’s always good to see Fiennes, with a reputation for being ultra-serious, exercising his funnybone. Didn’t do him any harm in Wallace & Gromit: The Curse Of The Were-Rabbit, did it?

The Men At The Pru will start shooting later this year, giving Fiennes time to sort out a scheduling… well, let’s say clash of the titans between that, Clash Of The Titans (of course), his role as Voldemort in Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part II, and a cameo in the sequel to Nanny McPhee.

Oh, and after that little lot, he’s going to make his directorial debut on a movie version of Shakespeare’s Coriolanus. As ever, we wish him well.

[From Empire Online]

So what exactly will The Men at the Pru be about? UK’s The Independent has a pretty good write up about the film-to-be, and it does sound interesting. Ricky and Ralph will be playing two friends who grew up in Reading, England, which Ricky described as “a seaside town [where] the sexual revolution never hit … I’d be a 45-year-old in 1970, so I’d be one of those people who thought the permissive society was disgusting. That’s why we’re losing our empire.” The characters work for the Prudential, some sort of bank/financial services place that was huge in the 1970s. The film is also described as “a cross between The Office and Mad Men”. Two of my favorites! Excellent.

It is not the usual stuff of celluloid blockbusters – a quirky “dramedy” about two twenty-somethings in the 1970s who work as building society clerks in the dull suburban surrounds of Reading. Then again, nobody thought that about a comedy set in an office in Slough either.

But now Ricky Gervais has just finished writing the script for The Men at the Pru – a major feature film he describes as a cross between The Office and Mad Men.

The story is a “coming-of-age” tale about two friends who work for the Prudential, then a building society, amid the concrete “glamour” of the town where Gervais grew up. The idea first started as a television series, but has now morphed into a feature film which is due to begin filming next year. Gervais and his creative partner, Stephen Merchant, visited the Pru’s London headquarters in February.

They tried to reassure the financial services company that it would provide a backdrop for the drama and not become subject to the same lampooning of white-collar workers as shown in The Office. Jon Bunn, the PR director at the Prudential who met the comedians during their research, said: “They came in to look through our old archived stuff and Merchant then came in separately and went though the archives in more detail. They wanted to find out what the Prudential was like in years gone by.

“They looked at recruitment material, advertising, staff magazines and various other literature. There was also a recruitment advertisement that was shown in the local cinema in Reading which featured actual members of staff. It was an induction video for the Prudential, about it being a good place to work, which they said in a 1970s kind of way,” he said.

Gervais is not speaking about the film, but wrote on his blog: “Did a bit of scouting for The Men at the Pru. Filming won’t start ’til next May or June but locations can really inspire. I’ve also been reading books about my home town of Reading. That’s where the HQ of the Prudential Building Society was in the ’70s.” Gervais has said it would be set “in the 1970s in a seaside town the sexual revolution never hit … I’d be a 45-year-old in 1970, so I’d be one of those people who thought the permissive society was disgusting. That’s why we’re losing our empire.”

[From The Independent ]

Woohoo! Ricky and Ralph forever! At the end of The Independent article, they’ve put some of Ricky’s best quotes, and I found two new favorites: “Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.” And: “If at first you don’t succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.”

Finally, Ralph Fiennes has started doing some interviews to promote his supporting role in The Reader. I say “finally” because Kate Winslet was doing the bulk of the promotional duties, which is no surprise for two reasons. First, this seems to be a film season where only actresses are doing promotion (like Reese Witherspoon in Four Christmases). Secondly, after finally reading an interview with Ralph Fiennes – who’s one of my favorite actors – I completely understand why The Reader’s producers might not want this profoundly talented and profoundly weird man opening his mouth any more.

Ralph Fiennes starts out the Times interview by reenacting a scene of Ben Gazarra in Tales of Ordinary Madness. The scene, in Ralph’s words, is “literally about trying to get inside her womb… this unhappy man [Gazzara] is with a woman, and he literally wants to climb back inside her”. This sets the tone for the rest of the interview.

On any other day this might have seemed like an odd skit to come from the 46-year-old star of The English Patient, Schindler’s List and two Harry Potter movies (where he played the boy wizard’s evil nemesis Voldemort). But today Fiennes is on fire. He’s more than halfway through a mesmerising run of Sophocles’ brutally unforgiving Oedipus at the National Theatre and is thus somehow fantastically engorged with life’s Big Ideas.

“For me the lines in the play that resonate continually are, ‘I want to know the secret of my birth’ and ‘I do not know who I am!’” he says, dropping his voice to a whisper and running a hand slowly over his shaven pate. The haircut was his idea, he explains, to make him feel more naked on stage, but it has a powerfully imposing effect that, together with today’s outfit of blazer and denims with turn-ups, creates the impression of a patrician bouncer. “And isn’t that the journey that most of us are on?” he continues, undaunted, transfixed by the tragic clarity of his words. “Who are we? What are we doing? And where did we come from?”

The play is agony, he says. The play might destroy him yet, he adds. And the play, as we all know, is about mothers. It’s all their fault. They are the site of the eternal return – that metaphorical place to which we, according to Sophocles, Freud and Fiennes, spend our life returning. We are trying, says Fiennes, to re-enter the womb (hence the skit). And that, he says, can sometimes get in the way of a decent romantic relationship.

“There is a tension in relationships between wanting to return to the womb, but also wanting to be free,” he says, with impressive candour for a man who was, until they split in 2006, often described as being in a vaguely “maternal” relationship with the actress Francesca Annis (17 years his senior). “Because sometimes the woman’s attentions can be overly maternal, and you want to go, ‘Ahhhh!’”

[From TimesOnline]

The whole “mothers, it’s all their fault” comment is such a horrible way to sum up both Oedipus and the larger point Ralph was making. To be fair to the source material, for years Oedipus’s mother never knew she was sleeping with her son, and when she did find out, she killed herself. When Oedipus found out, all he did was claw out his eyes. Whoops, was that a spoiler? My point: mothers always get the blame.

Ralph seems to be working through some issues with women in general, not just his mother. The conversation that started with such gems as “he literally wants to climb back inside her” and “I want to know the secret of my birth” is taking the logical course to Ralph’s current film, The Reader. Fiennes plays a German lawyer reflecting on a love affair he had with a woman in her thirties (played by Kate Winslet), when his character was fifteen. Sometimes the actor finds the material, and sometimes the material finds them, eh?

We move on to The Reader, which has its own share of provocations and mother issues. These are in the erotic and Oedipalised relationship between Fiennes’s younger screen self (played by David Kross) and an older, mysterious and illiterate former Nazi, Hanna Schmitz (Kate Winslet). The provocations, says Fiennes, are in the plot, “and the idea that Hanna’s illiteracy could be an excuse for her joining the SS in the first place. I don’t accept that she couldn’t make a moral judgment about joining the SS just because she’s illiterate. And I think that’s a troubling area.”

Fiennes himself, you suspect, has little estimation of his own talents. His acting, it seems, is itself beyond acting, part of his own delicate process of individuation (remember, “I want to know the secret of my birth”?). All this, a Freudian might add, emerges in the dense undergrowth of childhood, and here it seems particularly poignant and indeed fitting that Fiennes can trace everything back to, yes, his mother, the writer Jennifer Lash.

The Fiennes family history is well-worn lore, and usually involves his farmer-turned-photographer father Mark and mother Jennifer dragging their seven-strong brood (including brother Joseph, sisters Martha and Sophie and foster brother Michael Emery) on a peripatetic childhood whirl through Dorset, Suffolk, West Cork and Salisbury.

In conversation the family tends to describe the period with quasi affection as a time of love without much material comfort. But today, focusing exclusively on Lash, Fiennes is a little more unsparing. He says that she had her own demons, and that, “in her own way, she could make you feel like you hadn’t hit the mark, or you simply weren’t good enough”.

[From TimesOnline]

When Ralph Fiennes appeared on an episode of “Inside the Actor’s Studio”, he wept when the conversation turned to his mother and her death. While I’m glad to see that Ralph has stepped outside of his grief and is talking openly about his mother and his issues, my guess is that The Reader’s publicity team might want this extraordinarily talented actor to tone it down a bit for this promotional tour.

Note by Celebitchy: I saw a special on Bravo many years ago called “The Family Fiennes” about Ralph’s family. He comes from a large family and has four brothers and two sisters, including an adopted foster brother. His mother was portrayed as a wonderful nurturing woman who tried to instill a love of art and literature in her children. If there were any issues between Ralph or any of the other children and their mom you couldn’t tell from the Bravo special and they all spoke very highly of her. Ralph’s mom published a few books under her maiden name, Jennifer Lash, including a travelogue and a work of fiction about an abandoned boy called Blood Ties. It was reminiscent of DH Lawrence and well written.

Ralph Fiennes and Kate Winslet are shown at the New York premiere of ‘The Reader’ on December 3rd. Images thanks to WENN.

I always wondered what happens to the players in a celebrity sex scandal. The celebrity usually gets to continue on with their career unabated. For the non-celeb partner in the scandal, it can often lead to new and exciting opportunities.

Take Rebecca Loos, for example. She’s had a sordid affair with David Beckham, while he was away from his wife and children in Spain. Using her new found notoriety, she appeared on a few celebrity television shows, most notably The Farm, where she masturbated a pig for some reason. Just to embarrass us all, I suspect. She also had a fake marriage to Jenny Shimizu, who is noted for her claimed relationships with Angelina Jolie and Madonna.

She’s basically slept with someone famous, and built her own small level of fame from it. Now, she’s using that to catapult her new single into the charts, or try to. You can listen to her song below. She ‘sings’ along to some irritating effects, saying “Can you tell me if your boyfriends in? Tell him I’ve got something for him. Cos I know he’s waiting for me. That’s the way it’s gonna be.”

I can’t imagine why she’d want to use her affair with David Beckham to promote herself. If I had an affair with a married man, who didn’t leave his wife (they never do), I would be so embarrassed. I would be ashamed to tell my friends, let alone sell the story to the tabloids.

Marie Claire last April featured a story titled Kiss and Sell, detailing what happens to the non-celeb half of a celebrity sex scandal when the story is over. Lisa Robertson, the flight attendant who had relations with Ralph Fiennes on an international flight while on duty, was fired from her job as a stewardess and revealed as a prostitute to her family. She was fired from the brothel that she worked at also.

Daisy Wright, who was Jude Law’s nanny before becoming something a little more meaningful, now lives away from her homeland of England and finds it hard to get work. She still works as a nanny.

I guess all this shows that while you might make some good money from selling your story, in the long term it might not be the best move you can make for your career.

Note by Celebitchy: Here’s Rebecca Loos’ song. It made me lol several times.

Rebecca Loos is shown at the You, Me and Dupree London premiere on 8/22/06, thanks to PRPhotos.

Proving that an Australian Dad is more effective than a room full of Puff Daddy bodyguards – and fiercer than a pocketful of pitbulls – the father of the Quantas stewardess alleged to have had cramped yet credible mile high sex with Ralph Fiennes came to her defense:

Graham Roberston, told a Sydney radio station that his daughter – was not expecting to be reinstated.
‘She probably knows she’s going to lose it,’ Robertson said. ‘I couldn’t imagine her doing it up in the plane,’ he added. ‘You’ve got other staff there and customers.’
He was highly critical of colleagues who reported her toilet tryst to management, saying they were ‘probably as ugly as a hatful of arseholes and were just jealous.’

via playfuls

You have to admire the Antipodean Oedipal Complex: it lacks the imagination for bathroom sex, but the mental gymnastics involved in a milliners colonoscopy … not a problem. The ever imaginative Graham continued on a more prosaic note.

He added: “Lisa just does her job. If someone wants a coffee and biscuits, she looks after them. She’s not a bad looking girl. If you do the right thing people take a liking to you.”

Talk about damned by faint praise: ‘not bad looking’ is less touching as a paternal compliment when you realize how low down the totem pole Dad has built his idea of ugly … what with the hatfuls of it mentioned earlier. I’m guessing Lisa goes hatless regardless of the weather or at the very least favors scarves for windy runways.

Chiming in from the other side of the aisle, Ralph Fiennes girlfriend of the last five-months held forth on why she finds tales of Ralphie as bathroom bimbo no surprise:

I interior designer Sirin Lewenden, was not surprised when she read in the papers about Ralph Fiennes and his little escapade. She ended their relationship citing Fiennes’ “wandering eye”, “moodiness” and “constant demands for sex”.

“Sirin found it quite exhausting,” a friend of the actor said.

“She likes a bit of fun but also likes a much simpler life. In the end she had had enough.”

“They split because of Ralph’s wandering eye and his constant demands for what might best be described as unconventional sex. He could also be prone to the odd mood swing.”

“Now Ralph is single and clearly enjoying it. It was with no great surprise that Sirin heard of the sexual encounter on the flight,” the friend of the British actor said.

The rule seems to be with Hollywood Englishmen (Hugh Grant anyone?) the floppier the hair the filthier the lad.

Turns out this Englishman ain’t so patient after all:

News Australia reports

Sydney-based Lisa Robertson, 38, met the star of The English Patient while working in the business-class cabin on flight QF 123 from Darwin to Mumbai on January 24.
In a confidential report to Qantas management obtained by The Sunday Telegraph, Ms Robertson is accused of chatting to Fiennes during the flight and being seen exiting the same toilet moments apart.
She claims Fiennes, 44, became “amorous” towards her in the toilet.

She should really be relieved, if he had followed her into the bathroom for any other reason than a bit of “getting amorous with the glamorous,” this could have been a far more disturbing tale. Imagine if Chuck Berry had followed her into that little toilet. Actually don’t imagine it.

Qantas staff who were aware of the incident said last night the couple were caught after crew members waited outside the toilet.

I bet they did. And not in a villagers with pitchforks sense, but in a giggling high-five you go-girl. It’s not like airline crews have a centuries old reputation for the moral highground.
Still one bitter, jealous rival did her the dirty and turned her in …

“While conversing with Mr Fiennes during my break, I expressed a need to go to the toilet,” Ms Robertson said in her statement.
“I went to the nearby toilet and entered it, he followed me and entered the same toilet.
“I explained to him that this was inappropriate and asked him to leave. Mr Fiennes became amorous towards me and, after a short period of time, I convinced him to leave the toilet, which he did.
“I left the toilet a short time later. At no time did any crew member come to my assistance.

And Imagine if they had … Quantas would have the a reputation as the swingingest of airlines. And Ralph Fiennes, who hasnt done much cinematically memorable of late, would get a real reputation boost. The star so big that just one stewardess won’t do — bring on the whole cabin crew — you’ll be feeling Fiennes.

It’s comforting to know that even in this era of heightened airline security – celebrity sex still trumps all other concerns. You can’t smoke in the toilets or even light matches for a little scent camouflage without having the flight landed, but if you go in fo a bit flying the friendly skies with an amorous Academy Award nominee … just make sure you get along with your co-workers