Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles: legendary boozer Keith Richards has given up alcohol after seeing the complete train wreck of a life his band-mate Ronnie Wood has made for himself. Sources say that Richards, who famously was so drunk that he didn’t remember composing the guitar lick for the Rolling Stones’ signature song “Satisfaction,” is now retracting his previous vow to drink until the end of his life, thanks to Ron Wood’s non-stop drunken tour of elderly embarrassment that included an affair with a woman young enough to be his grand-daughter.

Keith Richards hasn’t touched a drop of alcohol for over four months, despite previously vowing to drink forever after outliving several doctors who had told him to give up it up.

But four years ago Richards, who has a face like a crinkle cut chip, suffered a brain haemorrhage after he fell out of a palm tree on an alcohol soaked holiday with Wood. And now he’s determined not to end up like Wood, who’ll be partying with The Saturdays and Amelle Berrabah by the end of this week.

A source said:

“He has always quite enjoyed the fact that he seemed to be able to carry on drinking as much as he liked with no real negative impact on his health.

“But he has watched Ronnie fall well and truly off the wagon last year and he doesn’t like what he sees. Plus he has started to feel for the first time like it might do him some good to give up the booze for a while.”

[From Holy Moly]

This whole situation with Ron Wood is kind of fascinating to me. It seems like everyone else around him is learning a valuable life lesson. His long-suffering wife, Jo, has learned that her life is much better without him. His now-ex-girlfriend, Katia Ivanova, is learning that she likes being the former girlfriend of “Grandpa Punchy (TM Kaiser),” because it gets her magazine spreads and TV appearances. And Keith Richards has finally woken up to the fact that an old drunk just isn’t cool – even if that old drunk is wearing leather pants. This is pretty big news. I mean, we’re talking about a guy who allegedly snorted his dad’s cremated remains. I guess the next question is: when will Ron Wood himself learn something?

Ron and Jo Wood at their daughter’s wedding right before they split on 6/21/08. Credit: WENN

Rolling Stones guitarist Ron Wood’s long suffering wife, Jo, is mad as hell and she’s hitting her estranged husband where it hurts: his wallet. When Ron, 61, publicly humilated Jo this summer by taking up with a 19-year-old cocktail waitress while he was supposed to be in rehab for alcohol, he basically opened himself up to an all-out war – and now, it looks like that’s what he’s getting, to the tune of 50 million pounds or $92 million USD.

Ronnie Wood faces a £50million divorce pay-out after his wife Jo called in lawyers in exasperation at his continuing relationship with a Russian 20-year-old.

Friends have revealed how humiliated Jo has taken legal advice about the break-down of her 23-year marriage and is understood to have been told she is in a ‘terrifically strong position’.

Apart from taking half of Wood’s £75 million fortune in the split, Jo, 53, is also believed to be angling for a portion of the Rolling Stones guitarist’s future earnings since she has consistently saved his career from disappearing into a haze of drink and drugs.

The revelation came as Wood, 61, was photographed enjoying a romantic meal with young Russian Ekaterina Ivanova at the fashionable London restaurant Locanda Locatelli…

Wife Jo is now understood to be gunning for up to half his fortune, plus as much as a further 20 per cent on top of that for the years of work she has put in as his executive assistant.

Jo has proven indispensable to him over the years he has spent in the band.

She has gone on every tour with him since they first met, picking out his outfits and cooking him organic food.

She has also been pivotal in his business success. She has a controlling stake in the couple’s finances and acts as her husband’s personal management assistant on deals.

She is also a joint director of his music empire Rockyarch and company secretary of Wood’s paintings business Scream Art.

The couple have a range of enormous homes around the world, including a £12 million mansion in Kingston upon Thames, a castle in Clane, County Kildare worth £4.5 million and a £250,000 cottage in Devon….

Wood’s relationship with Miss Ivanova shows no signs of slowing down. He currently appears to be spending most of his time with Katia at the flat he rents in Hampstead, north London.

He has already moved many personal possessions— including his easels and art equipment—from his marital home in Kingston to his new flat.

A friend added: ‘Everyone has painted Kat as a wild child but she was supporting Ronnie through rehab. She is committed to helping him remain sober…

‘I know Jo was hoping he would dump Katia and return home but that is not going to happen.’

[From The Daily Mail]

The nausea-inducing line in this article: “Between courses Ekaterina affectionately cupped Wood’s face in her hands. She then lovingly spoon-fed him ice-cream.” Blech! I can’t imagine cupping that face in my hands. That whole scene must have looked like some young girl feeding her grandpa his dessert. When are these old men going to learn that sticking your wrinkled, 60-year-old penis into a 20-year old does not, by default, make you a 20-year-old again? It’s completely pathetic and a total cliche. And Jo deserves every penny.

Earlier this week, we told you the whole sordid story about Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood’s drunken tryst with a 19 year old cocktail waitress. The 61-year-old ditched his wife of 23 years to party with the teen instead of entering rehab for his two-vodka-bottle-a-day drinking habit. Now, after much urging from family and friends, the rocker has agreed to enter rehab and seek treatment.

Ronnie Wood entered a rehabilitation facility Wednesday for help with alcoholism, said a spokeswoman for the Rolling Stones guitarist.

“Following Ronnie’s continued battle with alcohol he has entered a period of rehab,” the spokeswoman said on condition of anonymity as required by her agency. “His close family and friends say he is seeking help and look forward to his recovery.”

Wood, 61, has fought a long battle with alcoholism during his rock ‘n’ roll career, which started in the 1960s when he played with the band The Faces.

His spokeswoman didn’t release any details about the treatment he will receive or the clinic that he entered.

The craggy guitarist had seemed to be in good health in recent years. He has developed a strong second career as an artist, selling his paintings at some of London’s respected art galleries.

But he has been the focus of feverish recent newspaper reports about his resuming drinking.

[From The Huffington Post]

No word on whether or not Wood ended his relationship with his young enabler, 19-year-old Ekaterina Ivanova, whom he met in a bar in Ireland. But something tells me that if he’s cleaning himself up, the party must be over. At least he’ll be sober when he appears in divorce court.

Ronnie Wood is shown out in London on 5/14/08. Credit: WENN

Ronnie Wood and his wife Jo Wood at their daughter’s wedding on 6/21/08. Credit: Daniel Deme / WENN
He’s a bit too old to chalk this one up to the oft-used excuse of “mid-life crisis.” Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood, 61, has left his wife and four children to take up with a 19-year-old cocktail waitress he met in Ireland while attending a premiere party for the Rolling Stones concert film, “Shine A Light.” The rocker is so taken with the teen that he even painted nude portraits of her that are now on display in a gallery near his Irish retreat. Ron’s wife, Jo, has been with Wood for 23 years and is not taking the news very well at all. The couple were having problems prior to the 19-year-old due to Ron’s excessive drinking. Jo wanted her husband to seek treatment after he was drinking a rumored 2 vodka bottles a day. So, what does he do? Runs off with a cocktail waitress! Classic.

Wood is set to return from Ireland today with Miss Ivanova, whom he met while drinking as he celebrated the launch of the Stones film Shine a Light in April.

Her former boyfriend has accused Wood of stealing her from him after pursuing her with a series of phone calls and texts. ‘He’s very charming by all accounts. I felt a bit weird about it, but I didn’t think I had to worry about a man of 61 – even if he does have a lot of money.’

Ekaterina is rumoured to be the naked girl in Wood’s painting which is now for sale for £8,000 in a gallery near his Irish mansion.

Entitled Photography Nude 11, it is one of 60 of his paintings on show in Gallery Number One in Dublin – 20 miles from the house in County Kildare to which Wood fled with the teenager.

Gallery staff say the guitarist, who is worth an estimated £70million, has yet to visit his exhibition, preferring to go to the surrounding pubs.

They added that the nude picture had attracted a lot of interest from fans although he has not revealed the identity of the sitter. ‘He rarely does with his muses.’

Wood, who has a long and well-documented addiction to alcohol, left behind his wife Jo and their four children at their home in Kingston upon Thames, Surrey. He is said to be drinking two bottles of vodka a day.

Now the 61-year-old rock star’s wife is said to have ended their 23-year-old marriage over his ‘affair’ with the waitress.

Jo Wood, 53, reportedly left an angry message on his phone while he was on a 10-day bender at his Irish retreat with 18-year-old Ekaterina.

The teenager had even accompanied Wood to rehab where he was being treated for his drink problem.

Miss Ivanova is herself an amateur artist who has illustrated several children’s books and has begged the Stone to help secure her a publishing deal.

Her mother has pleaded with her to return home to London. Irina Ivanova, 48, who works as a housekeeper, moved to Britain six years ago.

She said: ‘I know they had a special sort of relationship. But I didn’t realise to what extent. I thought they only worked together. She said that Ronnie asked her to model for him. He wanted to draw her.’

She added of Wood: ‘What does he think he’s doing? He’s old enough to be her grandfather. He needs to send her back before things get out of control and either she gets hurt or his family do.’

I know that aging rockers leave their wives for younger women all the time-in fact, Ronnie isn’t the first or even the second member of The Rolling Stones to do so. But I still think it’s pretty pathetic. Do these guys think that they will somehow be able to recapture their glory days by frolicking with a girl old enough to be their granddaughter? I’ve got news for you, Ronnie: a 19-year-old’s vagina is NOT the fountain of youth. At the end of the day, you’re still a wrinkled old washed up rock star, most likely with an addiction to viagra and a lot less money to show for your trouble. It’s pretty clear this chick is using him for his money and connections, just as he’s using her to enable his booze habit and feel young again. It’s all rather creepy. And what about the woman who put up with his crap for 23 years and raised his kids? I hope she gets a nice chunk of that $70 mil.

Note by Celebitchy: Ronnie Wood and his wife Jo are shown at their daughter Leah’s wedding just a few weeks ago on 6/21/08. His daughter Leah is 29. While the Daily Mail article MSat quotes here has the cocktail waitress’ age at 18, another article in the Daily Mail lists her as 19. Maybe she just had a birthday. The Daily Mail also has photos of the other woman and she looks as young as she is.

Keith Richards is a good example for children. Kids, don’t do drugs – you might snort your father up like cocaine, or pull a gun on your bandmate, or forget how to play music. Music you wrote and played for half a century. Ronnie Wood, the young one in the Rolling Stones, has put out these claims in his autobiography. Which are probably true, unless they are his own delusional drug flashbacks.

Keith was reportedly furious with Ronnie for smoking purified cocaine in a method known as freebasing.

Ronnie recalls: “After a row with Keith one day, he stormed off to get his gun. I warned everyone to ‘clear the decks’. Keith came back with his Derringer gun, pointed it at me and yelled, ‘You f***ing b*****d Woody!’.

“But I had my own gun, a .44 Magnum. I didn’t have any bullets for it but I calmly pulled it out. And that was the last time Keith pulled a gun on me – until the next time.”

In the tome, Ronnie confesses he became so addicted to cocaine he once banned his children from eating meringues in the house after he mistook a white crumb for a chunk of the drug and attempted to smoke it.

New Zealand Herald

Say no to drugs kids.

There are rumours around again that the Rolling Stones are going to retire – but Mick Jagger doesn’t think so.

Answering questions from readers of the BBC News website, the star, who has just spent two years touring with the band, said they had no plans to retire.

“I’m sure the Rolling Stones will do more things and more records and more tours. We’ve got no plans to stop any of that really,” the 64-year-old said.

“As far as I’m concerned I’m sure we’ll continue,” he added.

BBC

The Rolling Stones made $558,255,524 on their Bigger Bang tour, despite issues facing the band. Like Keith Richards falling out of a coconut tree in Fiji and suffering a head injury. Why would you retire? Why wouldn’t you keep travelling the world, having mini-breaks in Fiji, and making gazillions? I guess Ronnie’s allegations of the Stones forgetting how the songs go can’t be too serious – they remember them well enough for their shows.

The Stones are shown in 8/20/06 performing at Twickenham in London, thanks to PRPhotos.

There was a wedding in Auckland a few years ago on the same night as a Ricky Martin concert. The connection? Ricky did two shows that night, one of which was at the wedding. Ricky was rumoured to have caught a helicopter into the island wedding, swivelled his hips for a song or two, and then hopped back away on his helicopter.

How much do you think this would cost? Not as much as having the Eagles sing.

The ageing rockers earned just under £4million singing Hotel California at a private party in New York in 2003.

The Rolling Stones, in second place, made £3.5million for an hour’s work when they appeared at the 60th birthday party of Texas tycoon David Bonderman in Las Vegas in 2002.

Celine Dion, at number three with a £2.5million fee, gives private party performances two or three times a year.

Number four, Elton John, made £2million when he sang at the wedding of London pub supremo Peter Shalson in 2002.

And in fifth place is Christina Aguilera, who was paid £1.8million to sing at the wedding of Russian banker and industrialist Andrei Melnichenko to Miss Yugoslavia, Aleksandra Kokotovic, two years ago.

The Daily Mail

I think it might be kind of cool to have a band appear at my birthday, but not at my wedding. I drank nothing but diet water leading up to my wedding, and the dress cost a fortune, I wanted to be the biggest star there! Unless you‘re a big star yourself it’s probably best not to have a real one turn up.

Rounding out the top ten of the most expensive performing fees for private parties, were George Michael (£1.75m), Destiny’s Child (£750,000), Jennifer Lopez (£700,000), and Paul McCartney and Aerosmith tied for tenth place at £500,000.

I think I’ll just buy some new albums for my next birthday party, and a really nice cake. Then people will say “What a delicious cake” instead of “How much do ya reckon she paid for the Spice Girls?”

Keith Richards – the man who thinks snorting dead relatives’ ashes is a good idea – has taken a Swedish reviewer to task for giving the Stones concert a particularly bad review. The reviewer did make a few jabs at Richards specifically, but who amongst us hasn’t over the years? Keith Richards is kind of before my time, but I remember very specifically when I was born, the doctor explained life briefly and said “Cry a lot, poop a lot, and make a lot of jokes about Keith Richards.” All people are born with the knowledge that this is okay because Richards sets himself up for it, and just one of the things we’re supposed to do.

“Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards has demanded an apology from Swedish newspapers for their scathing reviews of the group’s performance in the country earlier this month. Tabloids Expressen and Aftonbladet gave thumbs down to the Aug. 3 concert at Ullevi stadium in Goteborg, with Expressen suggesting Richards was ‘superdrunk’ on stage.”

[From Newsday]

Well apparently Keith Richards is mad as hell, and he’s not going to take it anymore. He actually responded to the reviewer, and told him he’d cheapened the experience for all the fans at the concerts, and all of the poor saps who love the Rolling Stones but couldn’t afford the $145 tickets.

“‘This is a first!’ the 63-year-old rock star wrote in a letter published by Stockholm daily Dagens Nyheter. ‘Never before have I risen to the bait of a bad review. But this time … I have to stand up … for our fans all over Sweden … to say that you owe them, and us, an apology.’”

“Dagens Nyheter said it received the letter from concert organizer EMA Telstar. Company head Thomas Johansson told The Associated Press that Richards wrote the letter and gave it to him after reading translations of the Swedish reviews. “‘There were 56,000 people in Ullevi stadium who bought a ticket to our concert — and experienced a completely different show than the one you ‘reviewed,’” the letter said.”

“‘How dare you cheapen the experience for them — and for the hundreds of thousands of other people across Sweden who weren’t at Ullevi and have only your ‘review’ to go on. Write the truth. It was a good show.’ In his review, Aftonbladet’s music writer Markus Larsson gave the concert a score of two on a five-point scale, and said Richards appeared ‘a bit confused.’

“‘I am not going to apologize for my subjective opinion, ‘ Larsson told the paper’s Web edition on Wednesday. ‘It is Keith who should apologize. After all it costs around 1,000 kronor ($145) to see a rock star who can hardly handle the (guitar) riff to ‘Brown Sugar’ any more.’”

[From Newsday]

How dare the reviewer disagree? I think someone needs to explain to Keith Richards how reviews work. They’re rarely positive. The reviewer always thinks he’s better than the performer, because he’s generally some elitist snob. It’s probably best not to read them for 38 different reasons. Either way, the guy saying that Keith Richards wasn’t exactly on his game isn’t earth shattering news. Again, this is before my time, but haven’t people been saying that about him since the Stones early days? Not that he wasn’t good/great whatever, but due to the massive, ridiculous quantities of drugs, the guy wasn’t always playing with a level deck, right? Unless the Keith Richards Exit Polling Machine was working at all the doors to the stadium, I doubt he really can know that none of the people there would have agreed with the reviewer. That’d be really cute though, if you had exit polling machines shaped like a giant, dried up/shriveled Keith Richards, and you could press buttons that said “Awesome” or “Sucked way hard.” If he’s going to complain about bad reviews from now on, he should probably either quit eating drugs for breakfast and/or quit the band and focus on the machines. Either way would be better for him.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Keith at the : Pirates Of The Caribbean premiere in May. Images thanks to PR Photos.