I was on the phone with my mom during the first part of E! Red Carpet coverage (what? It’s our thing) and when Rooney Mara came on to talk to Ryan Seacrest, within seconds, my mom and I both had competing Rooney Mara impressions. I have to admit, my mom’s is better. I don’t know if it was just hearing Rooney’s actual voice for the first time, or the fact that she seemed so patronizing, so “over it” already, but it made for great comedy. Rooney’s voice is not unlike Megan Fox’s – it’s nasal and bored and entitled and kind of Valley Girl. Like, everything gets higher at the end of the sentence so it sounds like a question? And bored. You have to sound bored. And like it’s such an imposition to be speaking to Ryan Seacrest. Like, you’re so above this, doesn’t anyone understand? Doesn’t everyone know that she’s only speaking to Ryan, like, ironically?

Anyway, Rooney’s dress is Nina Ricci. It kind of awful, right? I was going to make a point about Rooney’s endless supply of black dresses and how they all blend together and maybe that’s the problem, but that’s not even it. This is just a terrible dress with a dust ruffle. It’s unflattering, it looks cheap, and Rooney looks like hell in it. *so bored*

Did you enjoy the cut-aways to Rooney during the ceremony? SO BORED. Jesus, why didn’t everyone at the ceremony just realize that she’s, like, the only TRUE artist? God, it’s so boring when other people, like, WIN things.

I’m also including some photos of Salma Hayek, who is not bored or boring. I hated her Gucci dress, but compared to Rooney, aren’t you overwhelmed by Salma’s professionalism and her ability to actually entertain and engage?

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame.

I mean no disrespect to Salma Hayek’s career in this post. I’ve always liked her as actress, and God knows, I’ve seen Desperado like a million times. Salma is one of the few Mexican actresses to have been nominated for an Oscar, correct? I believe the group is very, very small, and Salma should be very proud of what she’s achieved in two decades in Hollywood. But does Salma deserve to be knighted by the French government for her “career”? I mean, really? Let’s just call this what it is… the French government giving Salma Hayek a knighthood for having a great rack and boning a Frenchman.

Salma Hayek: Knight?

The Puss In Boots actress was among those named by President Nicolas Sarkozy to receive the Légion d’Honneur Sunday. Hayek, 45, will enter the five-tiered honor academy with the grade of Chevalier or “Knight.”

Announced in the President’s official New Year’s list, Hayek will receive a formal induction, which involves a Presidential medal pinning. Her induction will likely occur at the Élysées Palace within the next two months, says a source.

Founded by Napoleon in 1802 as a merit award, the Legion of Honor is awarded to military personnel and civilians for service to France. It is not exclusively reserved for the French and is often awarded to figures of international standing.

Past recipients – who are entitled to wear a small rosette pin indicating their rank – include Jerry Lewis, Clint Eastwood, Robert Redford and Robert De Niro.

In making the grade this year, Hayek’s honor was also something of a unique family affair: her father-in-law, retired business magnate Francois Pinault, was promoted in the same list to the Legion’s exalted rank of Grand Officer.

[From People]

Yes, Clint Eastwood, Robert DeNiro… and Salma. One of these things is not like the other? Usually, these tributes are given to artists late in their career. I guess the Palace was like, “Damn, we should give this to her while her boobs still look fantastic!” Once again, I like Salma as an actress. But this is a joke, right?

PS… Now that I’m really thinking about it, countries should give awards to sluts who concentrate their efforts among a certain nationality. Scotland should give me an award for the Scottish dudes I’ve boned. Do you think the Queen would give my vadge a CBE?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I may have to borrow CB’s kid for a day trip just so I can go see Puss In Boots. What’s the rule with adults wanting to see animated kids’ films? I usually just roll my eyes whenever some adult tells me that so-and-so kids’ movie was awesome, but now I can feel you rolling your eyes at me when I talk about how much I want to see Puss In Boots. It looks SO GOOD. I’m a cat person, if that explains anything. Animated kitties… animated kitties with little swords and hats? I’m there.

Anyway, these are photos of Salma Hayek and Antonio Banderas at the LA premiere for Puss in Boots. Salma wore Bottega Veneta, and I’m seriously disappointed. If you’re Salma Hayek, and you look like THAT and you’ve got that body, why are wearing what amounts to a shapeless brown sack (with a belt)? It’s not cute. Add to that the fact that Salma has her choice of so many designers (that her husband owns), and it’s weird that she chose this completely boring, unflattering dress. Oh, and what are the thoughts on her Farrah hair? Also weird, right?

Meanwhile, Antonio wore this bad ensemble, and I’m really tired of the Caesar haircut. GROW IT OUT, Antonio. What’s up with Antonio and Salma’s body language? Antonio’s wife Melanie Griffith was there, but Salma’s husband was nowhere to be seen… hmmm….

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Salma Hayek got another November cover! I think these covers are all for Puss in Boots, where Salma has reteamed with Antonio Banderas, this time for voice work for the Puss spinoff (which I’m looking forward to – I think Puss is maybe Antonio’s greatest character ever). Salma already covered the new issue of Redbook, where she was discussing how she loves making her own money while being married to a billionaire. In this new Latina Magazine cover story, Salma is once again talking about her marriage, but this time it’s not all rah-rah-feminism-money stuff. This time, Salma makes it sound like she’s perfectly happy “just” being a wife and mother:

On waiting patiently to become a mother & wife: “To be your own woman, you have to question who you really are and what it is you really want – and you have to have a level of acceptance of what you can do. The things I expected of myself when I was 20 did not happen, or did not happen the way I imagined they would, and it’s okay. Let’s just take this one day at a time and do the best that I can and be grateful for the things I do have.”

On her husband François-Henri Pinault: “I found a man better than any man I could ever in my life imagine existed. He found me, actually. I wasn’t even looking.”

On having divine skin: “When I was 16, I looked 19. When I was 19, I looked 25. But I got stuck on 25 – thank God! – until I was 35. So that was good. But it’s also important to take care of your skin because if you’re not careful, one day you’ll wake up and a spider will have taken over your face and you’ll be full of lines.”

On cosmetic surgery: “I have no Botox. The thought of a needle coming to my forehead, it really gives me the heebie-jeebies. So I’d rather put on my creams. It’s fun, it smells good, and it’s relaxing. Am I opposed to doing it later? I don’t know. I want to see how far I can go.”

On launching her new beauty line: “At the time I wanted to do the beauty line I didn’t know how, but I never stopped trying to learn. It’s not that I said, ‘I’ve gotta do this no matter what.’ It was like, ‘I know how to act. I don’t know how to do this other thing, but I think I could.’ So I studied, I paid attention, I asked a lot of questions, I investigated each product. And then, in time, it came.”

On the busiest year of her career: “I’m 45, so it’s a miracle I’m working in the first place – especially because I’m not even here [stateside] chasing it. Nowadays I only work with friends or somebody I admire, or on something that is really special. Somehow, just by doing that, it’s the year that I worked the most in my life!”

On what’s next: “I’m in a very comfortable position because, [even] if I never worked again and am just a housewife and a mother, I’m happy. I really am. I was born to be a wife and a mother.”

[From Latina]

Do I even care enough to parse? “…If I never worked again and am JUST a housewife and a mother, I’m happy” (emphasis mine)… is that something that will upset people? The “just”? I personally don’t care, because I don’t think Salma means that housewives and mothers are somehow “less than” women who work outside of the home. I think this was an episode of The West Wing, right? Stockard Channing/Abby Bartlett said “just a wife and mother” and it was a political scandal during Pres. Bartlett’s re-election campaign?

As for her comments on Botox… do you believe her? Salma doesn’t have a frozen cat face, nor does she look puffy, waxy, filled-in or jacked. I kind of buy her “no Botox” claims, honestly. I think she takes really great care of her skin and she eats right, and doing THAT is so much better than getting tweaked and worked on. Now, if you told me she had a nose job, I wouldn’t balk.

Cover courtesy of Latina. Additional pics by Fame.

These are some photos of Salma Hayek all over Paris Fashion Week. You know that her husband owns half of these designer lines, so this is basically like Salma walking through her closet – her closet is half the shops in Paris. In the past week, she was front and center at the shows for Yves Saint Laurent, Alexander McQueen, Balenciaga, Stella McCartney and several more. Ridiculous. Anyway, that’s not going to stop Salma from singing “Independent Women” and claiming that her billionaire husband doesn’t force her to dress up in the clothes whose labels he owns. Is that really a complaint made against Salma? That she’s a Barbie doll for her husband?

Just because Salma Hayek is married to a powerful businessman doesn’t mean she’s given up her independence.

“I work hard, I make my own living and I love it. I like having financial independence,” Hayek says in the November issue of Redbook. “I don’t ever want to have to depend on anyone completely. But when I have troubles sometimes, it’s nice to have someone there to help.”

Luckily, Hayek can rely on her husband, French billionaire François-Henri Pinault, if need be. Has being married to the CEO of luxury goods firm PPR (which owns Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent) influenced her style?

“I like to play fashion with him, but I’m nobody’s Barbie,” Hayek, 45, says.

One huge influence in her life has been her 4-year-old daughter Valentina Paloma. The actress says she chose to star in the upcoming animated feature Puss in Boots because she wanted to make a movie her daughter could see. While motherhood has had an impact on her career choices, Hayek isn’t shying away from provocative roles.

“I’m playing the queen of a drug cartel in an Oliver Stone film,” says Hayek. “He asked if I’d gone ‘all soft’ because I’m a mother. I said, ‘Yes, but I can be the devil if I need to, because after all, I’m an actress.’ “

[From People]

Financial independence is nice, and it’s great that Salma is committed to making some pocket change compared to her husband’s enormous wealth. Do you think that comment was directed at Linda Evangelista? I think it was. I think that’s Salma giving Linda the side-eye and muttering, “You should be able to support your own child, bitch. Stop asking for $46,000 a month from my man.”

But yes, I’m sure that Salma is Miss Independence. I’m sure if Francois Pinault was simply a humble fishmonger, Salma would still be married to him. And I’m sure that if Salma didn’t have that face and those boobs, Francois would still have married her too.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Yes, Salma Hayek’s breasts are amazing, but who can even pay attention to them when she’s holding kitties?!? The Persian (it’s a Persian, right?) is absolutely gorgeous, but I also love the little brown and black kitten Salma was handed. She seems engrossed with the kitten too – ten bucks says she tried to smuggle the kitten out. Anyway, these photos are from the Puss In Boots photo call in Moscow a few days ago. How did I miss these photos? I don’t know. Because these pics hit all of my sweet spots: boobs and kitties. No joke. I’m a heterosexual girl and all, but I could happily spend my days looking at photos of attractive, voluptuous women holding cats. Is that a porn specialty? It should be.

Here’s the trailer for Puss in Boots:

By the way, I completely missed this story, but better late than never. Salma’s husband, Francois-Henri Pinault, finally issued a direct statement about the Linda Evangelista child support mess:

French billionaire Francois-Henri Pinault, the husband of actress Salma Hayek, insists that he has never neglected the once-secret son he had with catwalker Linda Evangelista, the New York Post reported Wednesday.

“[The boy] is totally integrated within my family,” Pinault told French Elle magazine of Augustin, his now four-year-old love child with Evangelista. “At every possible opportunity, [Augustin] has participated in my family life, whether in France or the United States.”

Pinault spoke out for the first time about the boy following Evangelista’s recent $46,000-a-month child support request in Manhattan Supreme Court.

The fashion model’s lawyer accused Pinault of not forking over a penny to Evangelista since little Augie was born in 2006, while lavishing Valentina — Pinault’s daughter with Hayek — with luxury.

The furious Frenchman insisted that he has always “recognized” Augustin as his own — and treated him as such. In July, the Post was the first to report that Pinault had fathered Augustin. Pinault is CEO of the Paris-based luxury conglomerate that owns Gucci, Yves St. Laurent and Bottega Veneta.

[From Fox News]

So… Augie is “integrated” into the family, Pinault claims, while Linda Evangelista claims that Pinault has barely given anything towards Augie’s upbringing. I don’t know. Who to believe? Meh.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

I feel like we haven’t heard from Salma Hayek in a while. It’s been about a month, right? Yes, it has. The first weeks of August were lousy with reports that Salma’s husband had fathered Linda Evangelista’s son, and if you look at the actual timeline of the pregnancy, you see that Francois-Henri Pinault and Salma were in some stage of togetherness when he was boning Linda. Still, Salma loves her billionaire husband, and so she’s stuck by him, through thick and thin. They did a photo op just days after Linda asked for $46,000 a month in child support, and then Salma also appeared on the cover of Allure – where she claimed she had never gotten anything done to her face.

So now for the new photos – Salma is in Toronto, promoting her film Americano. Her dress is McQueen, and I really dislike it. It’s not that I don’t believe Salma’s rack should showered in gold. I just don’t think her rack should be showered in this budget-looking gold-metallic detailing. It looks like part of a pirate’s costume. Plus, this mustardy color is doing Salma no favors. And her hair sucks too. And look at her eyebrows…? They look really unkempt. This is just a bad look, and Salma looks really thin and tired to me.

As for the film, it sounds interesting, although pretty depressing. It’s about a youngish man sorting out his life after his mother’s death, and he seeks out a family friend, played by Salma, who works at a strip club in Tijuana. You can read more about the film here.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Oooh, Salma! Salma covers the September issue of Allure Magazine, likely to promote her voice work in Puss in Boots (the Shrek spinoff with Antonio Banderas) and her new skincare line. But Salma has another agenda too – to make Linda Evangelista sorry that she ever looked at Salma’s billionaire husband, Francois-Henri Pinault. Salma gets some subtle digs in, especially when she’s talking about how her daughter is growing up wealthy. Allegedly, Pinault puts $50,000 a MONTH in Valentina’s trust, plus, you know, he’s actually a hands-on father with Valentina, where his son Augie, with Linda, has gotten nothing. I also think Salma is making a dig at Linda, who famously does Botox, when Salma talks about how she’s all-natural. The Allure slideshow is here, and here are some excerpts:

Salma on her skin: Hayek has worked for her astonishingly young-looking skin. “My career has given me a lot of experience to be under pressure of having to be beautiful, and having to look for tricks to make it work,” says the actress.

She‘s all natural: Hayek believes in fighting aging—up to a point. “I believe that every woman is entitled to fight to preserve her youth,” she says. But not by becoming overly surgified by celebrity dermatologists. “It’s like the uniform of a generation,” Hayek says. “And it’s not necessarily beautiful. It’s not wrinkled-looking, but it’s not beautiful. I’ve never had anything done on my face,” Hayek insists. “I’ve never had dermabrasion or peels or injections of any kind, nothing.”

Salma on her boobs: Ask Hayek whether any part of her body looked better ten years ago, and she’ll tell you. “My boobs,” she says with a laugh. “They’re not bad, by the way. I’m not complaining about them.” She famously breast-fed a hungry infant in Sierra Leone, where she was promoting a UNICEF initiative to eradicate tetanus. “If you have milk, you have milk, and if they’re hungry, they’re hungry,” she says. “I think it’s a beautiful thing, because motherhood is a very strong place for women to connect and understand each other.”

Confidence: “As a woman, you should be more at ease with your sexuality when you are in your 40s,” she says. “You are more self-assured about that part. And that’s the way it should be. If you are a girl who cannot walk in heels, it doesn’t matter how beautiful you are,” she says. “If you look like a chicken that’s been spiked in the feet, it’s not going to be sexy.”

Bullied at an early age: “I got teased because I was too short, or I was too brown,” she says. (Her complexion is the legacy of her father, a businessman of Lebanese descent.) “You would think in Mexico that would be something normal, but I did get teased,” she says.

Filming love scenes: Hayek first became known in America with Desperado, an action movie starring Antonio Banderas. A love scene between them took eight hours to film rather than the scheduled one hour because of Hayek’s reluctance. “I’m not an exhibitionist,” she says. “It was the first time, so it was very difficult.”

Hayek on her daughter, being rich: Hayek says of her daughter, who speaks English, Spanish, and French: “I never understood the point of being privileged if you don’t get to have the privileges. Like, people who won’t take their kids to an expensive restaurant, or won’t travel with them, or make them pay for everything at a really young age. I think it’s important that kids have responsibilities and understand the value of things, but I think it’s great that my daughter gets to travel the world.”

On her beauty line: Hayek’s beauty line is in many ways a tribute to her grandmother, who studied to be a beautician and made potions for government officials and their wives. “She started working on my skin when I was 12 or 13,” Hayek says. “I never used soap on my face. Once, she shaved our heads and put egg on it and all these things. But I have to give her credit—my hair is great.” Hayek believes that it’s possible to offer beauty products that will encourage women’s strengths rather than make them anxious about their weaknesses. “I’m [creating this line] with the philosophy that within you there is beauty, and you have to learn how to find it and enhance it in a natural way…. One thing that is exciting about being a woman is that you can rediscover your beauty over and over and over.”

[From Allure]

I actually do like Salma quite a bit, and I always have, but I think her perspective is very narrow. That’s fine – lots of people only see the world through their own narrow point of view, but with Salma, speaking aloft her cushion of wealth and privilege, it does seem like she’s out of touch. She was blessed with a great face, great skin, a great body, and she worked hard in Hollywood and then married a billionaire… none of this is particularly inspiring. Which is fine – some people are born with a head start, and do great things with that head start. But Salma puts herself out there like she’s relating to every woman, like her experiences have been like everyone else’s.

Photos courtesy of Allure.

These are some new photos of Salma Hayek and her billionaire husband François-Henri Pinault out and about in LA over the weekend. According to Fame Pictures, they played tennis with some friends, then did some shopping at Whole Foods. While I don’t find Pinault to be unattractive, I just don’t think Salma and Pinault go together aesthetically, and it’s pretty obvious that “Oh yeah, I bet he’s rich. Really rich.” Also: Salma plays tennis?!?! With those boobs?? Dear God. THAT is how she landed a billionaire husband.

You know how else she landed a billionaire? By being very forgiving, and looking the other way when it suits her. Like, Salma has been photographed solo several times over the past month, but this is (I think) the first time Salma and Francois-Henri have made a public appearance together since the Linda Evangelista thing blew up all over the place. A few months ago, it was revealed that Linda’s four-year-old son Augie was actually fathered by Pinault. The revelation came about because Linda has taken the whole mess to the French courts, where she’s trying to get Pinault to pay child support for little Augie. Unfortunately, bitch is kind of crazy, and she’s asking for $46,000 a month from Pinault. I still think that’s a crazy amount, but most of you were like, “Well, that’s what Valentina is getting.” Still, be reasonable, please. Anyway, there’s a totally random and probably untrue report about how Salma is really pissed off about this Linda situation:

Two of the world’s most beautiful women are at each other’s throats in a Hollywood love triangle turned nasty. An Oscar-nominated movie star with an adorable young daughter and a billionaire husband, Salma Hayek thought she was living the dream. That is, until five weeks ago, when her marriage to fashion mogul Francois-Henri Pinault was turned upside down by the revelation he had fathered a love child with supermodel Linda Evangelista.

Friends say Salma, 44, was initially devastated by the news. But now that Linda, 46, has turned such a private matter into a public scandal by taking the Frenchman to court, demanding a staggering $46,000 a month in child support, the Mexican beauty is incandescent with rage.

A close friend says, “Salma is absolutely livid. The money Linda is asking for is absolutely crazy – it is clearly just Linda’s way of sticking the knife in because Francois-Henri chose Salma over her. Salma is so angry, she wants to scratch Linda’s eyes out!”

Linda claims she needs almost $600,000 a year to pay for 24-hour nannies, armed chauffeurs and other staff she and her four-year-old son Augustin cannot do without. If Linda, who’s worth more than $8 million, is successful, it will be one of the world’s most expensive child-support settlements – and Francois-Henri, who is worth an estimated $11.5 billion, is fighting the pay-out to the end.

[From The Morung Express]

So Salma went from shock that her husband fathered a child around the same time that he was romancing her (Salma), and she just blames Linda? Doubtful. Of course, I tend to think that Salma has known about Linda for a while, so I don’t think there was much “shock” to the paternity going public.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Last month, tabloids revealed something that many of you had assumed for a while: that the father of Linda Evangelista’s 4-year-old son Augustin is Francois-Henri Pinault, best known in American circles as “Salma Hayek’s French billionaire husband”. Linda had never publicly revealed her son’s paternity, and it’s believed that Pinault fathered Augustin while he and Salma were “on a break”. At least, that’s the official version that Salma Hayek wants us to know. Anyway, as it turns out, Francois-Henri had barely given Linda any child support for little Augustin, and so Linda is in the process of taking Pinault to court, which is how this scandal went public. Now the New York Post reveals that Linda’s child support negotiations have taken an odd turn: Linda wants $46,000 a month in child support. Er…

It’s not cheap being a supermodel mommy! Glamorous cover girl Linda Evangelista came to Manhattan Family Court yesterday — and slapped her deadbeat billionaire French baby-daddy with a $46,000-a-month support request.

“That would probably be the largest support order in the history of the Family Court,” noted Support Magistrate Matthew Troy, who is expected to decide on an amount when the parties return to Family Court next month.

The demure but towering Evangelista, still stunning at 46, is demanding the cash from Francois-Henri Pinault — CEO of the Paris-based luxury conglomerate that owns Gucci, Yves St. Laurent and Bottega Veneta — who is the father of her 4 year old, Augustin James, to whom he has not paid a penny since the boy’s birth.

Pinault is married to Salma Hayek, with whom he has another child of nearly identical age — 3-year-old Valentina. While Pinault lavishes Valentina with luxuries — he even spends $50,000 a month for a $12 million Los Angeles estate held in trust in the girl’s name — Evangelista has been saddled with the entire cost of caring for and protecting little Augie, complained the model’s lawyer, William Beslow.

“He’s just been sitting back, paying zero,” Beslow told the magistrate yesterday.

The majority of the monthly sum Evangelista is requesting would cover the round-the-clock nannies and gun-toting drivers that are simply the due of any son of a single mom and an overseas billionaire, her lawyer argued yesterday. But Pinault, whose family is worth an estimated $11.5 billion, is fighting the expenditures tooth and nail.

During a lengthy deposition last Tuesday, Pinault’s lawyer grilled her on just why she needs a team of heat-packing drivers who are former police detectives — at a whopping cost of $175,000 a year.

Evangelista also wants $80,000 a year for a nanny, Pinault lawyer David Aaronson complained to the judge yesterday.

“She testified that she wants to have a 24-hour nanny because she does not want to be alone with the child . . . Miss Evangelista, you should understand, has a worth of more than $8 million, and she earned, last year, $1.8 million.”

The judge immediately scratched out the $7,500 Evangelista was seeking for monthly “vacation” expenses, but ultimately seemed very sympathetic to the security and nanny costs, noting that these may simply be prudent expenditures for raising a high-profile, high-risk Manhattan scion.

“These are the extraordinary expenses that may be a part of the child’s life,” the judge said. “And if there is a trial [in the support case] with a lot of publicity, there will probably be a need for two detectives to drive this kid around.”

It’s understandable, too, for Evangelista to want another adult — a nanny — to be on hand given her security concerns and travel requirements of her job, the judge said.

“How many hours a week do you work?” the judge asked the model at one point.

“On days when I do not work, I am working on my image,” Evangelista answered, her voice soft, and tinged with defensiveness. “I have to hit the gym. I have beauty appointments. I have to work toward my next job and maintaining my image,” she said, “just like an athlete.”

“When I work, it can be a 16-hour day,” she added. Both lawyers and Evangelista declined comment after the proceeding.

[From The New York Post]

My first thought was that Linda isn’t doing much these days, and hasn’t done much for the past decade, but that was before I knew that she was still working 16-hour days (doing God knows what) and “working on her image.” I too can understand wanting security and a nanny and such, but $46,000 a month does sound extreme, to put it mildly. To me, the funniest part is that she was asking for $7500 a month – in vacation expenses. A MONTH. Dear God, I’ve always sort of liked Linda, but she’s gotten pretty crazy, right? I guess it’s to be expected, though. You can’t get knocked up be a billionaire without this kind of junk going down. *plotting*

Photos courtesy of WENN.