Last week, we discussed Samantha Ronson’s unfortunate DUI arrest that she picked up in Baker, CA while driving home from a Las Vegas DJ gig. Evidently, Sam was blazingly drunk at 10:00AM as she sped through the desert, and her “friends” (a.k.a., “a Lohan”) told TMZ that they’ve been oh-so-worried about Sam’s drinking for a very long time and especially lately because she’s supposedly such a bad influence on poor little Lindsay. Now, Sam’s been formally charged with two misdemeanor counts of drunk driving:

Samantha Ronson has officially been charged with drunk driving following her arrest last week in the California desert, several hours northeast of Los Angeles.

Ronson, 33, the former girlfriend of Lindsay Lohan, faces two misdemeanor counts of driving under the influence of alcohol and having a blood-alcohol level of .08 or above, the Los Angeles Times reports.

The celebrity deejay was pulled over outside Baker, Calif., at 10:31 a.m. on Aug. 2, after being clocked driving 89 mph.

She “displayed signs of alcohol intoxication,” according to the police report, and was arrested after taking field sobriety tests.

[From People]

Despite her legal troubles, Ronson isn’t sitting around her house moping. Instead, she was at Chicago’s Lollapalooza over the weekend with her band, the Undertakers. Sounds like an appropriate band name, right? Anyway, Page Six has word that Sam headed out to a tattoo salon where she “brainstormed ideas” for a new tattoo to cover the small heart on her left hand, which matches one of Lindsay’s tattoos. I guess since they now have a shared DUI bond, the tattoos are no longer a necessary reminder of their ill-fated romance?

Coincidentally, Lindsay was also at Lollapalooza where she was spotted in hot pursuit of Coldplay bass player Guy Berryman and even “following him around all weekend.” You know, much like Lindsay tried to do recently in LA when she was reportedly dissed by the band. If Lindsay begins to formally date Guy, them Coldplay will totally lose its “elitist” rep. Man, Gwyneth is gonna be pissed.

Photos courtesy of WENN

Yesterday, we covered an early-morning DUI that Samantha Ronson scored in Baker, CA while driving home from a Las Vegas DJ gig. Precisely why Ronson didn’t bother to check herself into a hotel room instead of getting behind the wheel remains a mystery, but the associated mugshot has surfaced, and Samantha’s trademarked sneer appears to have amplified itself in spades. Hello, Miss Attitude! If I ever had to take a mugshot, all you’d see would be tears and a dual stream of eyeliner. In Sam’s case, the officer taking the shot was probably the one crying after the encounter was over.

In addition to this portrait for posterity, there’s also a new report from TMZ that Samantha’s friends have been quite worried about the DJ because she’s allegedly been hitting the bottle pretty hard lately. Something tells me that the “source” on this information might be someone very close to the Lohan side of the equation:

Sam Ronson’s DUI comes as no surprise to her friends … who have been worried that Sam has “not been acting like herself” lately … sources extremely close to the DJ tell TMZ.

We’re told … in the past couple of months, Ronson has been hitting the nightclubs A LOT harder than she used to — and for more than just work — staying out longer hours … and boozing more than ever.

Sources connected to Sam tell us … even her ex-girlfriend Lindsay Lohan felt things were getting bad with Sam … and she decided to minimize her contact with the DJ because she felt Sam wouldn’t be a positive influence.

TMZ broke the story … Ronson was arrested for DUI on her drive from Vegas to L.A. yesterday … and law enforcement sources tell us her blood alcohol level was more than twice the legal limit.

[From TMZ]

While it’s obvious by now that Samantha is no angel, there is no limit to the absurdity in stating that Lindsay felt that Sam was a bad influence. After all, Lindsay knowingly stalked Sam earlier this year by becoming her neighbor in a move that disgusted Sam. In addition, Lindsay obviously has no one but herself to blame for her own assorted crackhead antics, and she’s progressed quite nicely into a string of vodka-soaked weekends of her own volition. Besides, who can honestly call Sam Ronson a bad influence and then hang out with one Paris Hilton?

As for Sam herself, the part about her boozing more than normal lately might be true, for she’s been a club DJ for many years and hasn’t been in trouble with the law until this DUI incident. Maybe it has something to do with a surprisingly cute yoga instructor that Samantha was seen snogging in late March who seems to have disappeared of late. Or maybe not. All that really matters, however, is that Samantha doesn’t get behind the wheel again after drinking. Seriously, hire a damn driver.

Photos courtesy of WENN

Bad news, mates. Samantha Ronson, better known as Lindsay Lohan’s ex-girlfriend, has been popped for a DUI while making the return trip home from a Las Vegas DJ gig. This is, of course, the same Samantha who we thought was the better half during she and Lohan’s on-off relationship a few years ago, and the one who convinced Lindsay that she needed counseling (not that it helped, obviously). Samantha is also the one that we thought was the saner half and the one that we felt badly for when Lindsay moved into the townhouse next door. Samantha also stood by Lohan (despite the drama) during her two DUIs, and it was widely assumed that perhaps Samantha was a relative bastion of sobriety even though it certainly didn’t rub off onto Lohan. Well, the sobriety aspect was not the case; or at least, it isn’t the case now, for Sam definitely was not sober when she was pulled over by the cops early yesterday morning:

Sam Ronson was arrested this morning for DUI outside Baker, California — home of the world’s biggest thermometer — TMZ has learned.

According to the booking sheet, 33-year-old Ronson is listed as 5’7″ and 102 pounds.

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ, Lindsay Lohan’s ex-girlfriend was driving home from Las Vegas at 10:30AM in her black Porsche when she was pulled over for speeding.

We’re told she was given a field sobriety test and didn’t perform well. She refused to submit to a breathalyzer and was arrested on the scene.

She was transported to the Baker substation, where we’re told she blew over the legal limit. According to sources, she was cooperative the entire time.

Sam DJ’d last night at the Lavo nightclub in the Palazzo hotel in Vegas.

[From TMZ]

Let’s do some math here. Sam was evidently drunk from the moment she slid behind the wheel in Las Vegas until she reached Baker. According to the Distance Between Cities site, Sam would’ve driven about 195 miles (or approximately 3 hours 28 minutes) between these two locations, yet she was still drunk enough to blow above the legal limit when she was pulled over. This means that Sam was completely blitzed when she hit the highway (at around 7:00AM) in the first place. She’s damn lucky that she didn’t kill anyone in the process. Hopefully, this will be a wakeup call for Sam, and she’ll immediately straighten herself out instead of, you know, turning into a repeat offender like her famous ex-girlfriend.

While we don’t have access to the pictures of the relevant DJ gig, here’s the next best thing — Sam wearing the same shirt she wore that evening on two other occasions (April 18 and May 15) this year. She must really like that shirt.

Photos courtesy of WENN and Fame

It looks like Lindsay Lohan is planting stories in both TMZ and Radar Online. TMZ had a story over the weekend saying she would just happen to be spending Valentine’s day with her ex and the woman she had no idea she was moving next to, Samantha Ronson, but that they were “just friends” and planned to be at the same dinner party that night. Now Radar Online has a photo of Lindsay “sneaking out” of her accidental neighbor Sam’s house to return back to her adjacent rented townhouse on Valentine’s day. How did someone “happen” to catch Lindsay sneaking through the bushes home? Could Lindsay have perhaps told a paparazzo to be there and subsequently split the profits with him when they sold the photos to the highest bidder? Is Sam regretting not moving the hell out the minute Lindsay moved in?

In related news about Lindsay, Radar reports that there’s a star witness about to come forward in the case of the purloined necklace. A man is supposedly is going to testify that he wanted to buy it and was quoted a price of $800, not the $2,500 the store says it’s worth, which would make Lindsay’s crime a misdemeanor, not a felony. How convenient for Lindsay’s case and not at all suspicious. TMZ has a related story that the prosecutor believes the necklace is worth $2,500. I believe that Lindsay will squeak through yet again, as she’s done for the past several years. I could be pleasantly surprised, though.

Oh and after I wrote all that, a tip came in from reader Christina that Lindsay owes 200,000 euro, or around $270,000, for accepting a hefty appearance fee to go to the Vienna opera last year and then cancelling at the last minute. (To go shopping, natch.) The businessman who paid Lindsay to be his date, Richard Lugner, says she gave him about 10,000 euro back and he’s deciding whether to sue her for the rest. It’s unclear from the story whether the full fee he paid Lohan was 200,000 euro or whether he’s saying that he paid “below” 200,000 euro. Reports at the time had her being paid $150,000. Either way, it’s a hell of a lot of money and of course Lindsay absconded with it. This guy made the grave mistake of paying her upfront.

Lindsay is shown on 2/8 and 2/9/11. Credit: WENN.com

These are photos of Lindsay Lohan out and about in Los Feliz on Friday. Lindsay’s full-on crack hustle has already commenced, as we already know, and Lindsay is showing off one of her big hustles in these photos – the necklace. It was given (FOR FREE) to her Pascal Mouawad, a jeweler that Lindsay has crack hustled from before. The heart-shaped diamond pendant is 10.10 carats, and worth approximately $25,000. That’s not all! Lindsay is also back to driving – and I’m being completely and totally serious, LA residents: watch your asses. This crackhead will really mess your junk up. Don’t drive unless necessary, and watch out for bleached blonde crackheads driving Range Rovers, because that is Lindsay’s new ride. It was “lent” to her by Germanindependent.org.

More crack hustling… according to TMZ, Lindsay isn’t going to be living alone in her rented Venice Beach house. She’s got herself a “roommate”. The roommate is a girl she met in rehab, and the girl will be living with Lindsay rent-free. According to sources, the girl has been “sober” longer than Lindsay, and this is Lindsay’s attempt to surround herself with sober people. Two thoughts: first, I’ll bet they have a blast when they drink together and secondly, I bet Lindsay and this girl are in some kind of sexual relationship. If it is sexual, I doubt it’s true love in Lindsay’s case. This girl is likely just someone Lindsay wants to flaunt in front of her next-door neighbor, Samantha Ronson.

Speaking of which, my last story. First Lindsay claimed she “didn’t know” she was moving in right next door to her ex-girlfriend, the woman that Lindsay has been violently obsessed with for years, the woman that Lindsay has been crack stalking for years. Then, Lindsay claimed (through sources) that if Samantha wanted it, Lindsay would move out. And then Lindsay claimed… wait for it… that she would build a privacy fence around her property so Samantha couldn’t spy on HER. Well, E! News got Lindsay to go on the record about all of the Sam Ronson stuff, and here’s what E! News reported:

Of all the beaches in all the bohemian ‘hoods in the world, she had to move there. Lindsay Lohan is smacking down various tabloid reports that are suggesting the fresh out of rehab starlet might vacate her new Venice, Calif. rental home because it just so happens to be located literally next door to her ex-girlfriend, Samantha Ronson’s place.

Whoops!

When quizzed by E! News about whether she had any intention of moving, Lohan replied with an emphatic “No,” and then laughed off the question.

No word what her former gal pal thinks about that.

[From E! News]

See? It’s all about Samantha. Lindsay has a cracked-out plan to make Samantha love her, and it involves moving in next door, flaunting a fake girlfriend to make Samantha jealous, then something with duct tape, several knives, a ransom note, a mountain of cocaine and a cracked-out Thelma & Louise-style drive to Mexico. LINDSAY HAS A PLAN.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

These are some new photos of Lindsay Lohan, out and about in LA yesterday. She’s still calling the paparazzi on herself, and she’s still absolutely thrilled to be photographed. I also think her busted weave is looking less busted, and blonder. I swear, she and her mother look the same age – both look like boozy floozies in their 40s, and like they have leather jackets that say “Stain’s Bitch” on them.

Anyway, there are a bunch of somewhat minor Lohan stories today. First – Lindsay’s assault victim, Dawn Chapman, released a statement saying in essence that we should all just leave poor little Lindsay alone. Yeah, Dawn got paid. Let’s see… oh, Lindsay spent some time with Jamie Lee Curtis, her “mom” from Freaky Friday. I don’t even want to think about what that conversation sounded like. Jamie: “Hey, sweetheart, how are you doing?” Lindsay: “WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT I’M FINE LEAVE ME ALONE.”

But this is the story that really made my day – so Lindsay is moving in right beside Samantha Ronson’s house in Venice Beach. And yesterday TMZ had an absolutely hilarious story about how Lindsay “didn’t know” she was moving in right beside the woman she’s been stalking for two years. And now Radar reports… wait… LMAO… that Lindsay wants to build a privacy fence around her property so that Sam won’t be able to “spy or see” Lindsay. Jesus Christ, crackhead.

Lindsay Lohan wants to build a fence so new neighbor and ex-lover Sam Ronson can’t “spy or see” what’s going on inside her rehabbed actress’ beachside home, RadarOnline.com has exclusively learned.

Ronson was spotted looking visibly upset upon learning the Mean Girls star, 24, had moved into the Venice, California, townhouse next door from her after leaving rehab on Monday — a story first reported by RadarOnline.com.

“Trust me, it wasn’t planned,” Ronson fumed to paparazzi.

Now, RadarOnline.com has learned Lindsay is planning to build a fence between the properties, in a kind-of peace offering to the woman she dated on-and-off again from September, 2008.

Lindsay’s dad Michael was spotted at Anawalt Lumber in West Hollywood on Tuesday.

“It will give both of them some space and privacy,” one source close to Lindsay told RadarOnline.com, “and it will ensure neither of them can see or spy on each other!”

[From Radar]

Lindsay is going to supervise the building of the fence. And she will scream with crack rage at you if you mention that the “fence” looks more like a one-sided ladder built specifically so that Lindsay can spy on Samantha on every level of Sam’s home. God bless this crackhead, you know? She thinks she’s being so sly, so clever, so nonchalant. Like we won’t notice that she’s violently obsessed with Samantha to the point of total cracked-out delusion.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Do you remember how Lindsay Lohan got out of rehab and immediately all of her boxes of crack hoards/stolen merchandise was moved to her new Venice Beach rental property? And remember how that rental property is right next to Samantha Ronson’s? Remember how Lindsay stalks her ex-girlfriend like a cracked-out, sociopathic bloodhound? Yeah. Well, now Lindsay’s PR team is using TMZ as their go-to outlet for crack lies, and this latest gem is too much. According to TMZ’s sources (Dina, Ali, Michael, take your pick), Lindsay had “no idea” she was moving in right next to Samantha. Seriously. Here’s the photo of the two properties:

I mean…Jesus Christ, crackhead. Here’s more hilarity from TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan is telling friends she had “no idea” her new badass beach house was right next door to ex-girlfriend Sam Ronson …but she’s ready to move out in order to “keep the peace.”

Sources close to Lindsay tell us … Lohan was aware Sam lived somewhere in Venice, Ca — but she didn’t know how close her new pad was to Ronson’s home until family members saw the DJ pull in to the garage next door on Monday.

Now — after Lindsay’s father went through all the trouble of moving her in — we’re told Lohan is considering moving out of the place after learning Sam was “pissed” at the situation.

We’re told Lindsay doesn’t want to break the lease — which would cost her big bucks — but she also doesn’t want to “ruffle any feathers.”

Still, with literally millions of dwellings in L.A., we gotta ask …

[From TMZ]

You know that in Lindsay’s crack deluded mind, she’s actually disappointed that Samantha isn’t hanging around, waiting for Lindsay to move in. Lindsay did this for her! Because of LOVE! Well, what Lindsay thinks is love. But is in actuality just plain old violent obsession. I seriously worry that Lindsay is going to harm Samantha one of these days.

Also – there is no way Lindsay would ever move out to make it easier on Sam. Sam is going to have to move out in the dead of night in about a week, taking only what she can carry in one trip and leaving the rest behind. Even then, the dead of night is when Lindsay is on her full prowler-mode, so maybe Sam should move out around 8 am one morning. Lindsay will probably be sleeping it off then.

TMZ is also reporting a few stories about how the Palm Desert PD now “believe” that Lindsay committed several probation violations when she was at Betty Ford. TMZ makes it sound like it’s all a big conspiracy against Little Blohan, though. Like the police are “out to get her.” Ugh.

Photos courtesy of WENN and Bauer-Griffin.

I sent out the high alert yesterday – Lindsay Lohan is back on the streets, stealin’ yo’ Gandhi quotes and clippin’ babies. You were warned. I’m surprised California hasn’t shut down already. Anyway, as was previously reported, Lindsay did not return to her West Hollywood crack den, the site of so many hustles and sleepless crack nights (and God knows what else). Instead, Lindsay moved directly into her new digs in Venice Beach. TMZ has photos here – the rental is a “3,100 sq. foot place in Venice, CA for just under $7,100 a month — and it comes with 4 bedrooms, 4 toilets and an awesome view.” But that’s not all the property offers – Stalker Lindsay also moved in next to Samantha Ronson. Oh, this is going to get GOOD.

Lindsay Lohan may be moving to a new pad — but she’s not leaving her old friends behind!

The starlet, who finished her 90-day rehab stint at the Betty Ford Center in Rancho Mirage, California on Monday, is leaving her old West Hollywood apartment behind for a new four-bedroom beach house in Venice, California right next door to ex girlfriend Sam Ronson!

Unfortunately for Lohan, 24, her former paramour is none too pleased with her new neighbor.

When Lohan’s dad, Michael, was moving things into her new place, “Samantha walked out of the building next door,” a source tells UsMagazine.com. “She was shaking her head and looking disgusted. She kept saying, ‘I didn’t plan it this way.’”

And while Lohan Tweeted an inspirational quote from Gandhi on New Year’s Day, writing “Today is the first day of the rest of my life,” her ex is far less thrilled with the fresh start.

When photographers asked the DJ if she had any New Year’s resolutions, she replied simply, “No. I’m too pissed off right now.”

[From Us Weekly]

That is incredible. I know exactly what happened. In Lindsay’s drug-damaged mind, she thought to herself, “I’ll move right beside Samantha! She’ll be so happy to be so close to me! But I won’t tell her, I want it to be a surprise.” This isn’t even the first time that’s happened! Lindsay used to rent a house down the street from Samantha’s rental too – I think that was back in 2009, and that was when Lindsay’s crack tweeting was a daily occurrence. Poor Samantha. Well… not really. That’s what you get, Sam, for playing in the land of misfit vaginas, for dating girls with extreme emotional issues. You’d think Sam would have learned her lesson, but chances are that Christina Aguilera is going to moving in to the other property next to Sam shortly.

Oh, but Radar reports that Lindsay didn’t immediately move into the beach house yesterday – apparently, she stayed at a hotel. And not the Chateau Marmont either. Progress! So Sam still has time to move all of her crap out in the middle of the night. Get on it, Sam.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Guess who wins again for Mother of the Year? No, I won’t judge her. These are photos of Christina Aguilera, totally boozed up yesterday, for Halloween. She was some kind of “slutty cop” I think. Not just a “cop” – that skirt isn’t regulation. And neither is getting trashed while in uniform. But it’s Halloween! Let the girl get wasted. She was probably out with her gays – but not Samantha Ronson. Sam isn’t one of Christina’s “gays”. Sam is likely Xtina’s girlfriend at this point. Over the weekend, The Sun’s sources were gossiping away about the state of Christina and Sam’s relationship:

SAMANTHA RONSON is like the Pied Piper of lipstick lesbianism – her tune is a pulling machine. The DJ, seen shopping for pumpkins, has been talking about her latest celebrity conquest CHRISTINA AGUILERA. She joins LINDSAY LOHAN on Sam’s CV of lovers – which would be the envy of Hollywood’s biggest male shaggers.

Sam’s music producer pal MARLON DAVID confirmed that Christina has been involved in threesomes – but it wasn’t the reason for her splitting from husband JORDAN BRATMAN.

Marlon said: “Jordan was never comfortable with Xtina liking girls but he thought it would make the marriage work. Sam said she had a threesome with Xtina in Mexico last month, that’s when she realised she was a ‘hot piece of ass’. Sam said Xtina is ‘horny as a college freshman’.” Marlon also Xtina gave Sam a Skype peep show.”

[From The Sun]

I could have gone my whole life without knowing that little piece of gossip. Here’s my theory: this isn’t a phase for Christina. I know that’s the popular theory, that Christina is just having fun with a lady named Sam just after the split, and that Christina will be back to men at some point. I don’t think so – I think Christina really is into women. And I think she broke up her marriage to be with Sam. We’ll see.

In Touch Weekly has an interesting story about the utter devastation of Lindsay Lohan. Is she devastated because she’s facing mandatory rehab for the next two months, and she won’t get to spend the holidays doing blow with her mother? No. She’s distraught because her ex-lover Samantha Ronson is moving on with her life… with Christina Aguilera. Apparently, Lindsay is just sitting around rehab, freaking out about this coupling… and her mom isn’t helping matters out at all. According to sources, Dina Lohan is actually stoking Lindsay’s paranoia. So that means that Lindsay is keeping tabs on every time Sam comes out of Christina’s house/hotel.

As she has been ordered to spend the next two months in rehab, Lindsay Lohan fears that she could lose her ex-girlfriend, Samantha Ronson, for good. Ronson grows closer every day to recently separated singer Christina Aguilera.

“It’s driving Lindsay crazy,” says an insider. “Sam’s sister Charlotte can’t stand Lindsay. Lindsay keeps saying, ‘I know they all set her up with Christina to get back at me.’”

Lindsay is painfully aware that Samantha is comforting Christina.

“Dina knows that Lindsay is still in love with Sam, and she has been keeping her posted on what has been going on with Sam and Christina,” says the insider.

Lindsay’s paranoia dates back to Nicole Richie’s bachelorette weekend in Cabo. “When Lindsay got word that Sam was going away with Christina and Nicole, she went crazy. She was asking if she could get out and go to Mexico!” says the insider. “Lindsay gets so jealous when Sam is around other girls.”

“Christina and Sam are both coming out of tumultuous relationships. They both feel drained by all the drama. Leaning on each other, they became close. Plus, they have so many mutual friends.”

“Lindsay’s been asking why Sam’s not reaching out to her lately,” says the insider. “She misses her and she wants to see her and it’s driving her crazy. She has been a mess over it.”

[From In Touch Weekly, print edition]

Jesus, can you imagine Lindsay’s poor rehab counselors? “I need to fly to Cabo so I can have some crack-drama with my ex-girlfriend, WAH!” But seriously, I believe this. Samantha brings out the worst in Lindsay for some reason – I actually think Sam should be a better influence on Lohan, but at the end of the day, Samantha doing anything but focusing on Lindsay’s self-perpetuating crack drama sends Lindsay over the edge. I hoped that Sam had cut off ties completely, but I think Sam was trying to be a good friend to Lindsay when all of the court, jail and rehab stuff started up several months ago. But now Sam is moving on… and Lindsay is freaking out.