A new book about shady Hollywood attorney Anthony Pellicano is set to blow the lid on how Tom Cruise’s romp with a male prostitute was kept out of the tabloids. There’s an entire chapter online, and while it’s quite long it’s a trashy and worthwhile read.

Author Paul Barresi was working as a producer of gay porn films when he spoke to adult film star and prolific male hooker, “Big Red,” a buff readheaded guy who advertised in gay men’s magazines and websites. Big Red approached Barresi about selling his tales of hooking up with some of Hollywood’s hottest guys. Barresi was impressed with Red’s story, and found his claims both believable and verifiable. He arrange to have him speak with a contact at The National Enquirer in exchange for a cut of the profits.

Big Red went on to tell how he topped Garth brooks for over two hours with the help of some Viagra and a condom. He said he got paid about $500-$600 and was flown out to service Brooks, who he called a whale.

Compared to that encounter, his sporty jerk-off with Tom Cruise, who dressed up in a little wrestling suit for the occasion, sounds almost chaste. Cruise was in London filming “Eyes Wide Shut” at the time, and was in the last stages of his marriage to Nicole Kidman.

After The National Enquirer passed on publishing Red’s sordid wrestling story, they got a call from - you guessed it - celebrity lawyer Anthony Pellicano, who is currently under investigation by the feds for illegal wiretapping and racketeering.

Pellicano grilled Red on his encounter with Cruise for over an hour and a half, reducing him to a blubbering mess. At the end, though, Pellicano admitted to Barresi that Red’s story was believable and that he knew key details about Cruise to back it up:

Barresi says The Enquirer tipped off Pellicano on the story to get him to check out it’s veracity. Instead of admitting that he believed Red, Pellicano told The Enquirer that Red was making it up, and went back to Cruise for a hefty payoff.

Red’s phone was predictably tapped after his scary encounter with Pellicano, and he often saw an unmarked van outside of his place. He ended up moving to Europe for a while and servicing less dangerous rich people. Barresi only made a $5,000 payoff after all the work he put into grooming Red.

There’s so much dirt in this story it’s amazing. I haven’t even touched the news that this gay hooker claims to have been with Antonio Bandares, Jason Priestly, and Randy Travis. He also says opera singer Andrea Boccelli was a long term client.

I don’t know if it’s true, but it convinced me. If it’s made up, why would they make Tom Cruise’s sexcapade so tame? He wrestled with a guy, touched him, and then watched him jerk off. It doesn’t sound like that much of a scandal if you ask me.

I want to know why women like Angelina Jolie can have well known affairs with the same sex while it’s taboo and career-ending for the men of Hollywood. I only care that Tom Cruise likes the company of men because he denies it so much.

Photos of a baby that’s proportedly Suri Cruise will be published in Vanity Fair tomorrow. Tom and Katie supposedly had the pictures taken by famous photographer Annie Liebowitz soon after “little” Suri’s birth, so her current age is impossible to tell. Speculation is rampant that Katie was already pregnant when she hooked up with Cruise, which would explain the suspect birth certificate, the couples’ unwillingness to take the baby out in public, and the odd size variations in Katie’s pregnant belly. Cruise has no other biological children, and is said to be sterile.

Katie was photographed looking tired and dazed outside of an LA spa, where she was treated to a much-needed massage.

Katie and Tom are said to have insisted on perfect pictures of their newborn. The photoshoot took place over 21 days and required lots of retouching. Suri was rumored to be a “runt” at the time, but in all likelihood she’s much bigger than she should be for a four and a half month-old.

In the only pictures seen of Suri so far, taken via helicopter outside the Cruise compound, Suri looks much bigger than a four month-old baby.

Perez Hilton claims to have an exclusive that Kelly Osbourne pissed off her entire family by marrying a guy she’s only known for one week. What’s worse is that the two were married at an Irish rock festival in a blow-up castle!

If this is actually true, how long will it take until they get it annulled? I give it a full 4-6 weeks, because Kelly seems a lot more mature now.

Update Thanks to pinklumpysugar on Lime-Light.org for alerting me to the fact that fake weddings are part of the Electric Picnic music ceremony in Ireland, and that Kelly’s wedding was just for laughs:

Update And thanks to Sky.co.uk for these photos post-ceremony, and confirmation that it was indeed a gag. Kelly’s boyfriend is Matt Derham of The Field. I’ve never heard of him, either:

Here are some pictures from X17 online of Kelly kicking a ball on the beach in early August. She looks like she’s so ready to be a wife and mother. In fact she looks like she’s had a couple kids already. You go Kelly!

Mel Gibson might have sought treatment in an inpatient facility and checked out, he might be getting some sort of addiction therapy as his publicist claims, or maybe he’s just laying low and hoping this whole mess will blow over. Whatever Mel is doing, he’s not in rehab:

Mel doesn’t care. Maybe he didn’t go to rehab because the philosophy of recovery contradicted his freaky cult religion. It could be possible that he figures his career is over anyway and just doesn’t give a shit.

Have you seen the best Mel Gibson political cartoons we posted? They’re priceless. I hope one of the artists now tackles Mel’s lack of commitment to rehab.

Here are some of the pictures from Mel’s famous night out that you’ve already seen.

The Mel Gibson story may be fading from the headlines, but the memory of the uber-rich religious director’s anti-semitic outburst won’t leave our collective consciousness for years. He’s going to be the punchline, the scapegoat, and box office poison for a while. (And C-List actors will keep bringing him up to either support or scorn, whatever suits their publicity needs.)

Cagle.com has lots of clever political cartoons about the Mel Gibson incident. Mel’s career in film and his multiple over-the-top apologies provide plenty of fodder to make fun of him.

Each of the following artists granted permission to post their work here.

Peter Lewis, Australia
Lewisart.biz

Adam Zyglis Buffalo, NY
The Buffalo News
www.adamzyglis.com

Grumpy Old Indian Man Stokholm, Sweden
goyim.wordpress.com

Michael de Adder, Halifax, Nova Scotia
The Daily News
www.deadder.net

R.J. Matson, NY
The New York Observer and Roll Call
rjmatson.com

Mike Lester, Rome, GA
Rome News-Tribune
www.mikedujour.com

Doug Marlette, FL
Tulsa World
dougmarlette.com

So these far-away pictures of a supposed baby Suri where published on X17online, and I found myself reading all the comments on JustJared. I’m rather fascinated by the sordid baby Suri story, and personally believe that something incredibly fishy is going on. Like the pictures of the Loch Ness Monster (which some claim were just the trunks of submerged circus elephants bathing in the Loch) all is not what it seems. There’s something ominous and creepy about these photographs and they look staged.

Here are my favorite comments, organized by category, from JustJared.

These pictures are really fucking creepy, and make it seem like Katie is trapped

The Baby is too big. It’s older than they claim or it’s a doll:

It looks too big to be a baby…it’s probably Tom wearing diapers. It is truly scary as mentioned in other comments…I think when I do see the baby I will still never belive it is truly the couple’s real child. - Natalie

Uh, that looks like a 2 year old…and something is DEIFINTELY rotten in Denmark. I am so over Tom “Crazy Pants” Cruise. - redonkulous

this baby looks too big to be 4 months!! katie looks scarey looking out the window. i got chills, they’re multiplying! - diane

My friend’s baby is 10 months, 28″ tall and 18 pounds. My baby is 3 months old, 23″ tall and 15 pounds. Don’t make me cry by saying Suri couldn’t POSSIBLY be that big already- my guy’s a Sumo! - UberGoober

These pictures are staged:

It’s wrong to peep into the Cruise’s mansion:

About the conspiracy:

Whatever’s going on, these creepy ass pictures don’t clear it up!

Meanwhile the Beckhams have been invited to see the miracle changeling in person, but the list of rules are weird as hell. Maybe by inviting the Beckhams and telling them they can’t touch, photograph or talk to the baby, Cruise’s camp hopes to explain why the poor thing hasn’t seen the light of day.

First people said they saw her, and now there are supposed photographs that will be published in Vanity Fair this Fall. Come on, why the delay?

You know they say that the photographs were taken by Annie Liebovitz to add a smidgeon of legitimacy to the claims that Suri’s been photographed. Why would they take pictures now ahead of time and then release them in the Fall? They have to know that the pictures will get out and no amount of legal threats will keep them off the blogs like little Shiloh’s online debut. Unless there really are no fucking pictures at all and they’re just trying to buy time until they can come up with a baby.

By saying the pictures were taken now in April they also get the added advantage of masking the baby’s age. Babies age a lot in a few months. If they claim the pictures were taken now in April they have a few months to procure a newborn baby and get pictures taken just in time for publication.

This baby has never been photographed even far away and there’s a huge bounty on its head. No baby accessories, strollers, or carseats have ever been seen near its parents or their vehicles. There are very peculair circumstances surrounding its birth, with a questionable birth certificate. Only a few “eyewitnesses” have come forth - with strange statements that sound coerced.

Yesterday Tom’s rep said that pictures would be released “soon.” All of sudden they’re claiming that Annie Liebovitz has already photographed the baby. This is bullshit.

Update: Thanks to Angelika for pointing out that the baby was said to be photographed back in April, not now. That makes it even more suspect because they have until the Fall to get pictures of a newborn.

MSNBC’s The Scoop borrows our unoriginal observation by calling Suri the “Loch Ness Monster of celebrity babies.”

Yeah, they’ll make that decision, uh, shortly. Just like they’ll get married any day now. All those preparations at the Celebrity Scientology Center were indeed for a big party as we reported, and not for a supposed wedding or non-existent Suri’s Scientology baptism. It was their 37th anniversary of brainwashing people, and John Travolta and Kelly Preston showed up, lest the Scientologists reveal their darkest secrets. TMZ has a video of Travolta dancing or something at the party, but it didn’t load for me. I’m so dissapointed.

Penelope Cruz said she’d met Suri, but then totally backtracked and made a weird roundabout statement about how she didn’t want to have to lie anymore.

Here are two guys who work at a radio station protesting outside a Scientology center in Portland. They’re “demanding the Cruise baby.” You really don’t have to watch this, you get the point.

The best is their protest sign with Cuba Gooding Jr. saying “Show me the Baby!”

“Where are here, do si do, show us Suri then we’ll go.” “It’s not fair, we all lose, please show us Suri Cruise”

They ask “Will we ever see the Polaroid of that little baby mongloid?” OMG That is so un-pc, I’m sorry, but it made me laugh.

Gallery of the Absurd has this fabulous new Mel Gibson bumper sticker. If they would create actual bumper stickers like this, they would sell out.

The pictures of Mel partying it up before refusing a ride home, getting arrested and going apeshit have come out. He looks every bit the aged, washed up bigot.

Mel also said back in the day that he hates gay people, and that he’s such an asshole because he’s a closet case:

He really must hate himself most of all for ruining his posh lifestyle making obscure vanity films.

People are pointing out that if Roman Polanski violated a 13 year-old girl and got his career back after fleeing the country, Mel can too. It took Polanski over twenty years. In Mel’s case, he can probably put his extreme bigotry behind him in about ten.

Maybe he should just invest his money or go into real estate development.

Tom Cruise has supposedly agreed on a fall wedding to seal his suspicious relationship with young Katie Holmes. No one quite believes that their changeling baby exists, even if there’s one prominent actress who’s willing to vouch for it. (Why didn’t Will Smith speak up too, huh?) So announcing a vague official date for their sham nuptuals should stem the rumors that they don’t really have a baby and their relationship is contractual, right?

There’s also a rumor that “hollywood insiders” are “scratching their heads” over Suri’s nonappearance and that Tom and Katie are fighting over how to introduce the fictional infant to the public. Someone read the blogs and made this shit up, because there’s no baby to show or relationship to lose:

The only reason Tom and Katie will get married at this point is to try and salvage Tom’s tanking career. I don’t buy any of the weird shit surrounding their relationship or supposed baby. Where’s the baby carriage, where’s a baby seat, where’s a carrier? They need to work harder to cover their deep, meandering tracks.