Everyone was saying that Mel Gibson’s career was over after he was caught defaming Jewish people during a DUI arrest. It was assumed that he would go on some sort of unspoken industry black list.

It’s gone beyond passive-agressive whispers and shunning. People are so pissed that they’re calling for an all-out boycott of Mel:

The arresting officer, a Jewish guy with 17 years on the force, is contrite about the whole episode, and insists that he doesn’t want to ruin Mel’s career. Mel did that all on his own.

Meanwhile those stupid women on “The View” are trying to remain relevant by saying that they don’t want to see any more Mel Gibson movies. Countless people undoubtedly agree with them.

The U.S. Jewish Anti-Defamation League has said his colleagues should “condemn him and distance themselves from him.”

And it gets even better - it’s come out that several people offered Gibson a ride home that night and he refused.

Gibson has checked himself into rehab in an effort to do damage control, but the damage is extensive and it’s already done. He’s richer than sin, and unless Opus Dei has taken all his cash he should sit back and enjoy his millions while waiting for this to pass. Maybe he should get some sensitivity training, too.

Now that the news is out that Mel is a royal jerk, the LA County Sheriff’s department figured they may as well release his mug shot. The long beard is gone and he doesn’t look half bad for a drunken bigot.

Jada Pinkett Smith, Will Smith’s wife, says that she’s seen Tom and Katie’s supposed daughter and that she’s beautiful. Her quotes are much more believable than Leah Remini’s, especially since she’s a cult outsider, but I’m not buying it:

I’ll take empirical evidence over some actress/singer’s word any day. Hey people, I saw a ghost of an old woman last night. She looked incredibly sad, had white hair in a bun, wore a long dress, and I could see through her. Now that I made that claim, that ghost must exist, right?

The Daily Mail calls the rumors that Suri doesn’t exist “conspiracy theories” and says that they’re “crazy” and “clearly inaccurate.” It’s not inaccurate to say she’s never been seen, and it’s easy to dismiss a good argument by labeling it a conspiracy theory without addressing its merits. It’s not a conspiracy theory if it’s true!

That same crappy article recycles a made up quote by Katie’s dad, who originally was said to have complained about Katie’s “Buff Brides” workout plan. They changed it around to make it sound like he was disagreeing with Scientology, but the original quote was about her fitness plan. I know it was fake because the article also featured a fake quote by Sue Fleming, the creator of Buff Brides and a family friend.

Here’s the quote from the article:

Here’s the original, totally bogus quote:

The truth is that no one knows how Katie’s parents feel about her involvement in Scientology, or about the fact that they supposedly haven’t seen their grandchild. Maybe they realize that she doesn’t exist and they’re in on the scam. Regardless if Jada Pinkett Smith has seen the little changeling, why has nary a bandle been photographed by the ever-present paparrazi?

People can claim that the baby’s being shielded by the Scientologist freaks, but wouldn’t someone take her out for a walk at least once in the more than three months that she’s supposedly been on the planet?

Fresh on the heels of getting caught wanking a 58 year-old pot-bellied dude in a park, it was said that George Michael and his longterm partner, American Kenny Goss, have called off their planned gay wedding. The wedding was to take place around their tenth anniversary, sometime before the end of the Summer.

After the photos came out in Britain’s News of the World of a disheleved and surprised Michael and his one-time hookup, umemployed Norman Kirtland, Michael’s partner defended him, saying that they were putting the incident behind them:

Reports had the two cancelling their planned wedding, saying that they are “reassessing their relationship,” but another story has Micheal insisting the wedding is still on, and making it obvious why hot Goss has stayed with his cheating ass:

Why do people always think an expensive gift will set matters right after they cheat? Probably because it works with their sad, unfulfilled money-grubbing partners. (Kobe, Beckham)

Michael has been embroiled in scandal for several months, after being caught with pot and poppers in his car back in March, and photographed passed out at a stoplight in May. He’ll need to get treatment for his sex and drug addiction if he wants to “pull off” a gruelling 50-date tour.

Singer George Michael was caught trawling for sex in a public place yet again. He was forced to come out in 1998 after being caught in a sting by an attractive policeman in a public bathroom in Los Angeles. He made fun of the incident in the video for his song “Outside” and talked about his shame on Oprah. Now that he’s been caught having sex with a nasty old guy he’s not going to play it off so easily.

News of the World followed the poor guy that George fondled back to his squalid flat in Brighton. They interviewed the guy and he gave the sordid details:

That’s nice that George didn’t make fun of the old dude for whatever weird thing he’s got going on down there. Maybe he’s a woman or something. Whatever you’re into.

When confronted by The News of The World snoops, who were either in the park for some random fun themselves or who routinely trail George Michael, George said “Are you gay? No? Then f*** off! This is my culture!”

That’s like saying it’s heterosexual culture to hook up with prostitutes, isn’t it?

George Michael is about to embark on a 50-concert comeback tour, which sold out in a half hour.

Here are some low-res pictures from the article. They’re too good not to publish.

I’ve ignored this story for a while, thinking it will go away on its own, but it just keeps getting better. Supermodel Christie Brinkley’s fourth husband, architect Peter Cook, cheated on her with the babysitter, I mean some barely legal girl who worked in their town, and she’s leaving him.

Cook, 47, seduced 19 year-old aspiring singer and shopgirl Diana Bianchi by initially promising to help her with her career. He hired her to work for him at his architecture firm and doubled the salary she made in retail. He wore her down gradually by wining and dining her and playing to her aspirations.

Brinkley, 52, was clueless about the year-long affair until the girl’s father, a Southhampton policeman, confronted Cook in front of her at a party and told him to “stop dating my daughter!” To the classic supermodel’s credit, she threw her cheating husband out of the house the next day.

Now Pop Singer Samantha Cole, who had a hit with the song “Happy with You,” says that Cook seduced her ten years ago when she was barely 18 in a strikingly similar story to the way he snagged Bianchi. He gave her a job at his architecture firm and eventually convinced her to date him.

Cook was single at the time, but when a then 19 year-old Cole broke up with him in 1996 he rebounded hard - by marrying Christie Brinkley:

Cole says that she was surprised Cook ended up with Brinkley, five years his senior, because he always seemed to prefer younger women. She says he was a gentleman, though, and treated her with respect.

The NY Daily News examines why men stray. It seems Cook wanted to recreate his earlier, exciting relationship. He also was undoubtedly looking for attention and validation:

I met an older, semi-rich, married guy on the train from NY to Connecticut once. He chose to sit next to me and it didn’t take long before he told me his story. He left his first wife for his mistress, who he once had hot frequent sex with. His wife was no longer putting out, though, and the marriage was stifling and boring.

He revealed that his wife was working to get her real estate license and that she also cared for their 7 year-old twin sons. I told him that if he wanted hot sex with his wife he should take some time to listen to her, and try to make things romantic again. He said he gave her all she ever wanted monetarily, along with a fabulous house, so why should he be bothered with talking to her? The asshole was trying to pick me up because his second marriage was failing predictably, just like his first. Once a cheater…

People are comparing Suri to Bigfoot, so I thought I’d change it to the Loch Ness Monster to be original. Like Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster, there are “eyewitness” accounts, but no verifiable photographs of the Scientology savior, Suri Cruise. Something’s wrong with the baby or it simply does not exist. Katie may have had it earlier than “expected” or she may have suffered an unfortunate miscarriage that hasn’t been acknowledged. Regardless there is something off about this story that needs to be exposed by the mainstream gossip press.

All sane celebrity friends of Tom and Katie have yet to see the baby, except for Leah Remini, a devout Scientologist who now claims to have seen the infant:

Yeah, so we’ll take your word for it, Leah Remini, even though Suri or a bundle resembling an infant has never been photographed despite hoards of paparrazi trailing the Holmes-Cruise family for the past three months. The infant also hasn’t been seen by non-Scientology celebrities since it was said to be born three months ago, and the “birth certificate” is suspect.

There’s a far-away blurry picture of Katie Holmes holding a tow-headed baby, but that’s probably a fake. There’s also a far-away picture of what looks like a baby carriage, but it could be a prop or something else entirely.

None of Katie’s family has seen the baby according to reports, but Katie was said to have visited them in Ohio at the end of May - and to have brought Suri with her! WTF is going on?!

Katie was spotted back in LA visiting her favorite overpriced store, Barneys. As one commentor on x17 points out, she didn’t buy any baby items. I always get something for my son when I’m shopping.

The bloggers always uncover stories before the mainstream press does, and this is no exception. It’s not as important as a lack of WMD in Iraq, but it’s just as obvious.

Header image from Pink is the New Blog. Other images from x17online.

A “neighbor” of Katie Holmes was quoted speculating that she’s pregnant again, but we highly doubt it. It would be difficult to get visibly pregnant so soon after the supposed birth of her last child.

About a month ago, some random person claimed to have seen a baby-like bundle from afar that might have been Suri. Now that Tom and Katie are in Telluride, Colorado, a store clerk says that they’ve actually seen Suri and she’s “funny looking.” If Suri were out in public, why aren’t there paparrazi photos of it? Isn’t Telluride a haven for the rich and famous? There must be photographers there.

A large percentage of people have camera phones and I know I carry a digital camera around with me all the time. Why aren’t there any pictures of Suri if “eyewitnesses” actually saw her. The first picture of Violet Affleck was a blurry cameraphone photo that everyone posted right away. This is bullshit - no one saw that baby. Read TMZ’s conspiracy timeline - it’s rather convincing.

There’s a tell-all book about Tom Cruise coming out by Princess Diana’s biographer, Andrew Morton. He’s done a lot of research, but there’s no word as to when it will be published. You know it will contain a bunch of shocking revelations about the pint-sized cult spokesperson.

Meanwhile Tom and Katie also had a bag of groceries and a bunch of cherry soda delivered by private jet from Hollywood to Telluride. Their consumables travel better than I do.

Here is Tom Cruise presenting Steven Spielberg with the Golden Hugo award at the Chicago Film Festival this Saturday. [via] They supposedly had a falling out after Cruise talked too much Scientology crap during promotion for “War of the Worlds,” and it’s clearly important to Tom that he put those rumors to rest. He doesn’t seem to care that people think his baby is fake, though.

My two-year old son has very weak front teeth with some visible plaque and chipping. It’s not decay and he rarely drinks juice or eats sugary food. My husband and I consulted dentists in Germany and the US and they both said that his teeth never calcified properly while he was in utero and that it was most likely the result of something that happened in the fourth or fifth month of pregnancy when the buds were forming, probably an illness I had.

When I was five months’ pregnant I rushed over to a 3D ultrasound place to learn my baby’s sex a couple of weeks before my OBGyn was able to schedule the regular sonogram. We got a little DVD set to music and phenomenal pictures in which you can really see his features. My husband says there’s nothing to feel guilty about but I keep wondering if that powerful sonogram damaged my son’s budding teeth, and I would never have one again. That’s the only thing I can remember happening during that time of my pregnancy.

Thanks for reading my rambling story, but the moral is that ultrasounds can damage tiny fetuses in unpredictable ways, and there’s almost no way to tell if a birth defect or small change in a baby is due to an ultrasound. Doctors say they’re safe, but are cautious to recommend that they’re used sparingly. I’ve been thinking about the mystery of Suri, and remembered how Tom bought an ultrasound machine and was talking about how much he loved checking out his unborn child. People really criticized him for it at the time:

The article goes on to say that cumulative sonograms aren’t necessarily more damaging than individual sonograms.

There are studies showing ultrasounds are relatively safe, and that there is no connection between prenatal ultrasounds and birth defects. These studies are using old technology, though, and Tom undoubtedly had a 3D ultrasound for Katie’s pregnancy:

Now that Suri hasn’t emerged, and her “birth certificate” is highly suspect, one wonders just exactly what is going on. She may not exist, she may be under Scientology house arrest, or she may have a disorder or delay of unknown origin. You know that Cruise got one of those 3D machines because he’s rich as anything and wouldn’t just buy a regular old model. I really suspect that my son’s teeth were damaged by one and wonder if little Suri suffered any ill effects from Tom’s crazy curiosity.

Katie Holmes is quoted in the upcoming Us Weekly saying that “Suri’s doing great!” but some quote from Katie or her publicist isn’t reassuring at this point.

The Toronto Fashion Monitor says that little Suri could be being raised under strict Scientolgy “no noise” conditions, in which little children are shielded from noise coupled with bad experiences because it can create a bad memory they call an “engram.”

Scientologists don’t believe in comforting hurt little children, either. They think that if they stumble and hit their head on a rock, for instance, they should be made to lay their head back on the rock so that the bad energy and pain will flow back into it.

Even if “Suri” or a baby facsimile emerges at this point, I’m never going to believe that she’s the product of Katie and Tom. Something highly suspect is going on, although I hope I’m not right that the baby does exist and is suffering from a defect or illness.

This baby just does not exist or something is wrong with it. People claim that Cruise is holding Suri back because of his wacko cult religion, Scientology, or because he didn’t get enough cash for the photos, but there hasn’t even been a bundle photographed. Now his celebrity friends claim to have never seen the mystery spawn, either:

Even if they wanted to shield the baby from the negative influence of the media or whatever, we still would have seen Katie or a nanny/Scientology handler out walking with a stroller or holding a covered bundle.

Katie even went to her parent’s house in Ohio at the end of May, and there were no photographs of the supposed baby.

All we have to vouch for Suri’s existence is a report from an “eyewitness” who saw a bundle from very far away.

Readers of Celebrity Baby Blog came up with several plausible theories to explain the Suri mystery:

WTF is going on? They better procure a baby that sort of looks like them fast, because this is turning into one of the biggest Hollywood scandals ever.

Header image is an original illustration by the Grumpy Old Indian Man. Images of Tom Cruise from late June. [via]

Michael Jackson’s ex and the father of two of his children, Debbie Rowe, claims that Paris, 8, and Prince Michael, 9, are not Jackson’s biological spawn and were conceived with the help of an anonymous sperm donor. She is battling Jackson for custody of the children, after relinquishing her legal rights as their mother in a multi-million dollar payoff.

Court papers in the odd couples’ custody battle are said to offer proof that Jackson is not the real father of his two oldest children:

If this true Jackson could definitely lose custody of two of his children, and it’s probably for the best. It’s bound to be quite difficult for them to lose their father and the only life they’ve known. Jackson is completely crazy and doesn’t seem fit to raise pets, not to mention three children, but it will still be awful for them. It’s also sad that they will be separated from their little four year-old brother, Prince Michael II. Prince Michael II was conceived and borne by a different surrogate than his siblings, and his mother has never come forward. He was the baby involved in the famous “baby dangling” incident where Jackson hung the child draped in a blanket over a balcony in Berlin, which he claims was an attempt to let nearby fans get a glimpse of the covered tot.

Here is Jackson at MTV Japan’s music awards. He is shown with his children in the other low resolution photos.