In a superbly lame-ass attempt to make amends, Maxim has declared Sarah Jessica Parker this year’s “unexpected crush.” Because that totally makes up for calling her the “unsexiest woman alive.” That’s like if the woman that called me fat today called me up in six months and said, “But you have nice hair.” And hung up. Damage totally erased!

Sarah Jessica Parker has been hailed this year’s unexpected crush by a men’s magazine bidding to make up with the actress after calling her the unsexiest woman alive.

The 43-year-old Sex and the City star was outraged last year when men’s publication Maxim bestowed her with the unsexy honor, insisting the insult was “brutal.”

And Parker’s outspoken opposition to the title seems to have worked.

The actress will receive her award in the August issue of the magazine.

[From NBC affiliate KGET]

I really hope she tells them to suck her mole. And then mails it to them. Seriously, having a list of the least sexy women was so unnecessary and stupid in the first place. And what a crap-ass way to atone for it.

In other SJP news, she’s denying that she had a molectomy. Yes I made that up. And I think it works just fine, thank you. Her rep told IMDB that “Nothing has been removed.” I assumed that she’d cop to it, but say it was pre-cancerous or something. There are a million ways to make a molectomy look like it was done out of medical necessity.

Note by Celebitchy: Sarah’s rep may have denied that she had the mole removed, but US Weekly and the AP quote a source that confirms it.

Here’s Sarah Jessica and husband Matthew Broderick shopping for a fridge on July 1st, according to Splash.. Images thanks to Splash.

George Clooney just gave a pretty funny interview to In Touch magazine, in which he talked about the pressures of being as high profile – and damn sexy – as he is. And he admitted that looking like George Clooney takes a lot of work – but he’s happy to do it.

Do they [George’s friends] ask you for advice?
Mostly the usual stuff. What does it take to appeal to women?

What’s your reply?
I can only talk about my own experiences. With me, it’s the hair. If you have beautiful and strong hair, then you’re successful with women.

So you wouldn’t be sexy bald?
In the case of hair loss, it’s all over.

How long does it take you to get dressed?
I spend at least three or four hours a day in the bathroom. Being sexy day and night is a big responsibility. And I like taking it!

[From In Touch; July 14 2008; print ed.]

George also pulls a John Mayer and says that his player reputation is undeserved. And he notes that while he was quick to always profess his hatred of marriage after his divorce, it never even occurred to him that he might have a problem with commitment. Clooney also says that he hasn’t dated nearly as many women as he’s been linked to by the press.

Still, he insists he’s capable of settling down. “For a long time I took every chance to say that I was not going to marry again,” says George, who divorced actress Talia Balsam in 1993. “So I became very careful after a failed marriage. But am I afraid of committing? It’s never occurred to me.”

So you’re not anti-marriage?
What do people say: A good wife at the cooker is worth gold!

What’s it like being one of Hollywood’s biggest playboys?
I’m not a playboy. If I had been with all the women that I was said to have been with, I wouldn’t have had the time to shoot one single movie.

[From In Touch; July 14 2008; print ed.]

I don’t know if I quite buy all of that, but I don’t think George discards women nearly as quickly – or as easily – as a lot of men in Hollywood. I’m sure there’s plenty out there that go through women much faster than they can possibly be linked to, even by the aggressive press. Ever since he broke up with Sarah Larson, George has had to defend his lifestyle and relationship choices quite a bit in the media. I’d say “poor guy” or something like that – but clearly he’s still doing fine. And just working on maintaining his sexiness.

Here’s Clooney riding his bike near Lake of Como with an unidentified friend on June 16th. Images thanks to Splash.

21 year-old Transformers actress Megan Fox has been named by men’s publication FHM Magazine as the sexiest woman in the world. A more famous actress who she’s often compared to, Angelina Jolie, came in at number 12 on FHM’s list. Last years FHM’s sexiest, now-pregnant Jessica Alba, was number three behind Jessica Biel. At least they polled readers for the results and didn’t make an editorial judgment call while sitting around a bar one evening downing pitchers on the company credit card:

The “Transformers” co-star tops FHM’s annual 100 Sexiest Women in the World poll of FHM readers. The 21-year-old model-actress beat out the likes of Angelina Jolie (No. 12), Rihanna (No. 14), Kim Kardashian (No. 17), Paris Hilton (No. 77) and last year’s champion, Jessica Alba (No. 3).

Fox debuted on the annual list in 2006 at No. 68 and ranked at No. 65 in 2007. Joining her in the top 10 this year are _ in descending order _ Jessica Biel, Alba, Elisha Cuthbert, Scarlett Johansson, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Hilary Duff, Tricia Helfer, Blake Lively and Kate Beckinsale. Britney Spears came in last place at No. 100.

The women from MTV’s “The Hills” duke it out on the list with Heidi Montag (No. 44) beating out Audrina Patridge (No. 80) and Lauren Conrad (No. 95). Current “Dancing with the Stars” contestant Shannon Elizabeth (No. 46) returned to the ranking after being absent last year, joining professional dancers Cheryl Burke (No. 40) and Karina Smirnoff (No. 78).

FHM said nearly 9 million votes were cast for the 14th edition of the annual poll.

[AP via Huffington Post]

These pictures of Fox are the latest that I could find and she’s managed to blot out some of the sexy with a giant poof on the top of her head and a rather fug outfit. She normally looks gorgeous, though, and you can see how people would name her the sexiest despite the fact that she’s not as well known as some of the women who fall below her on the list.

That’s definitely not her original nose. I’ve included some older pictures of Fox for comparison and you can really see the difference. Her surgeon did a good job, though, and it’s not like these women all naturally look like Barbie dolls. Good genes and hard work only go so far.

And it seems like a lot of men are willing to overlook really dumb and moderately ugly tattoos.

Megan Fox is shown on 2/10/08 at the VES Awards, and on 12/9/07 at Hollywood Life Magazine’s Breakthrough of the Year Awards, thanks to WENN. Older photos from PRPhotos.

Catherine Zeta-Jones is nothing if not optimistic. The girl with it all, Hollywood husband, two cute kiddies, and that beauty, says she still has great things coming to her – she hasn’t reached her sexual peak.

I don’t mean the big ‘O’, I’m talking about her sexual appeal level. She talks about her career future and hints that she’s going to get naked for her next role:

“Obviously, my career is expanding and I am a mother and so I’m not going to be rip-roaring in corsets playing a 19-year-old because I’m not, I’m 38 years old,” she told reporters.

“I’m actually really lucky and glad these other roles have come along and I can play a mother.”

But, she said, she wasn’t about to abandon sexy roles altogether.

“In my next movie, which is an untitled movie at the moment, you’ll be seeing a lot more of me, put it that way,” she said.

“I’m not going to be playing old grannies anytime soon.

“You see, I haven’t actually reached my sexiest point yet.”

New Zealand Herald

What Catherine isn’t saying is that her most beautiful, physically perfect days are to come, but that her sexiest days are to come. I’m sure that Catherine will never again have the tight bottom and abs of steel of a teenager, but she can be sexy right up until her death. Sexy is not really a physical thing but an emotional thing, the way you feel about yourself.

I’m finding the whole concept of being sexy right into my 80s very heartening.

On a side note, I recently saw this picture of Michael Douglas last year and realized what happens when a young woman marries an attractive middle aged man – a few years down the line she’s still sexy, and he looks old. Very old. I don’t think he’s too bothered about it though – he’s going to bed with Catherine Zeta Jones. The couple were married in 2000 and have two children children Dylan, 7, and Carys, 4.

Catherine made her comments while in Sydney promoting her new film Death Defying Acts, which is a fictional story about an invented affair that Harry Houdini had with a Scottish con woman who claimed she could help him contact his dead mother. It also stars Guy Pearce. According to IMDB, it is due for release in Australia on March 13, and will be out in South Korea, Brazil, Spain and Russia by the end of April. It was premiered at the Toronto Film Festival in September of last year and is not slated yet for a US release. Cinematical says it’s a decent film and that Zeta-Jones gives a good performance, but that the chemistry between the lead characters is lacking and that gets boring toward the end.

Catherine Zeta-Jones is shown at the premiere of the film in Sydney yesterday.

One of our favorite things to do here at Celebitchy is to give Heather Mills a hard time. She seems to be pretty much universally hated, has a bad attitude and a sucking-on-a-lemon face, and generally looks like a cow chewing it’s cud at least 93 percent of the time. And from the comments, it seemed like nearly everyone agreed. So I’m not sure exactly how to interpret the fact that FHM magazine is claiming that Heather has managed to make it on their list of the world’s 100 sexiest women.

Former glamor model Heather Mills is set to be crowned one of the world’s sexiest women in a new poll. Mills has shocked bosses at British magazine FHM by racking up more than 1,000 votes a day in their online poll to name the world’s 100 most attractive females. The magazine claims the 40-year-old’s popularity has been heightened by her very public divorce to veteran rocker Sir Paul McCartney. Chris Bell, FHM’s deputy editor, says, “Heather Mills has always been vilified as a gold-digger with a dubious past. But readers have realised she’s about to become the world’s most eligible - and richest - women.” Mills is currently number 95 on the top 100 list - ahead of socialite Paris Hilton, singer Gwen Stefani and actress Kirsten Dunst.

[From Contact Music]

I’ll wait while you pick your jaw off the floor. How is this even possible? Could it be that the numbers are lying? Could all the numbers be lying? Could this be evidence that math isn’t really real, or true, or accurate? Could Heather Mills getting on this list actually shake the very fundamental concepts of physics? Might the universe actually implode now? I’m guessing that – considering this poll was done online and voted for by anyone – Heather somehow had a bunch of people voting for her everyday. FHM doesn’t say if they logged IP addresses and/or did anything to prevent people from voting multiple times. But if this world makes ANY sense, Heather Mills must have beaten the system. There is no freaking way that creature is one of the 100 sexiest women, I don’t care how much money she’s worth. I would bet most men would rather sleep with a Paris Hilton-Gwen Stefani-Kirsten Dunst hybrid with no eyeballs, no hair, and only one limb that’s located in the middle of the hybrid’s sternum than sleep with Heather Mills on her very sexiest day. I truly feel ill.

Here’s Heather Mills at her divorce hearing on 2/18/2008. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Sarah Jessica Parker - who was recently voted Maxim’s least sexy woman in the world – seems to have a pretty good perspective on the whole situation. Parker says she’s been criticized for her looks since she was a teenager staring in plays, but instead of letting it get her down she’s learned not to think about the critiques. In an upcoming interview with Allure magazine, Parker notes that her looks are uncommon, but points out that most of the women we see in magazines, movies, and on television are extremely airbrushed. Instead of just pressuring women to look that way, Parker questions the taste of men who prefer such an unrealistic appearance.

Men who prefer an airbrushed woman to a real one are “common” according to Sarah Jessica Parker who tops Maxim’s Unsexiest Woman list. The actress, who won the title at the end of last year, is finally biting back saying: “My impression is that what they find sexy doesn’t make them interesting or unusual or special. That makes them common.”

Parker, 42, also says she is not offended by being told she is not sexy. When she first found out she had won the title the Sex and the City actress thought: “My God - I’m the unsexiest woman in the world.

“My instinct was that it felt personal. It was really about: ‘We don’t like her’. Who were the judges and critics? I would like to ask them: ‘What exactly is it that you personally find not sexy about me? Is it my figure? Is it my brain that bothers you?… That’s the beauty of this country - we can have different opinions and coexist and be amused by each other and hurt and offended.”

[From Showbiz Spy]

Clearly her unconventional (by Hollywood standards) looks haven’t hurt Parker – she’s dated a slew of attractive men, including JFK Jr. and Robert Downey Jr. Parker says she got used to playing the unattractive girl roles.

“For so long, I didn’t play the object of attention or affection. “It wasn’t until LA Story [in which she played one of Steve Martin’s love interests] that anyone cast me in a role that had my sexuality as a point of interest or focus or operation. I just wasn’t examined in the same way that a ‘pretty girl’ would be.”

Despite her early success, criticism about her looks was not uncommon in the industry. Parker says: “There were some not-terribly-veiled conversations.”

The star was encouraged to change her appearance. She says: “Anything from as silly as plucking my eyebrows to getting my nose fixed. Nothing that stayed in my brain for very long.”

[From Showbiz Spy]

I don’t think Sarah Jessica Parker is ugly or unsexy, she’s just got her own, unique look. If she hadn’t started playing the “object of affection” type roles, I doubt anyone would comment on her appearance. It seems like people didn’t make those comments until Sex and the City, when she was held up as a style icon. That focus makes people think in more superficial, appearance-based terms. Coupled with the show’s huge audience and the way it became such a pop culture icon, it provided a lot of opportunities for people to criticize. Clearly Sarah Jessica is incredibly smart, and the fact that she’s been able to examine the whole situation in such a rational fashion proves that. She’s currently filming the Sex and the City movie, which is scheduled to open in theaters on May 30th.

Picture note by Jaybird: Sarah Jessica Parker filming the Sex and the City movie at the New York City public library on November 28th. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Everyone was all atwitter that Penelope Cruz, 33, was shown making out with her equally hot sister, Mónica Cruz, 30, in a new music video put out by their brother, singer Eduardo Cruz. It turns out that it’s not Monica that Penelope is shown kissing intimately, it’s another lookalike actress named Mía Maestro, 29, who had a part on Alias as Sydney Bristow’s half-sister. E! Online has the news:

While Mónica and Penélope appear in the video as two beauties dubbing a lesbian porn flick into Spanish as well as bathing-suit-clad guitar players, Penólope’s rep tells me there was absolutely no lesbian lip-locking screen time between the two.

Reports even went so far as to claim it was 22-year-old Eduardo’s idea for the smooch, because he always dreamed of watching his sisters get naughty with each other.

The 29-year-old Maestro and the Cruzes have been friends for years. The Argentinean starlet is best known in the U.S. for her work on TV’s Alias, playing Sydney Bristow’s half-sister.

[From E! Online]

Here’s the NSFW video. The two women are shown adding the Spanish voiceover to a softcore film at the beginning while Mia provocatively sucks a lollipop. Eduardo then walks into the music studio and starts recording his song. He alternates between the studio and the pool scene with bikini babes in the sexy film. The makeout scene is very brief and starts at 4:19.

AOL TV has released a list of the ‘50 Sexiest Women on Television, Ever’. Normally I can’t stand a list that has the title ‘ever’, because it sort of suggests that this is it for sexiness. People are going to keep on being sexy, no matter how much time passes. Or at least I hope so, because otherwise I’m going to have to enjoy sunsets at the beach in my old age, instead of sexy young lifeguards.

The top 50 features a few obvious choices from the past few generations - remember when Teri Hatcher wearing only Superman’s cape became the most searched for image on the Internet? (And when you consider what other raunchiness you can find on the Internet that is quite an accomplishment.)

There’s also Sarah Michelle Gellar, Carmen Electra, Elizabeth Montgomery, Jennifer Aniston, and any Star Trek fan’s favourite Jeri Ryan, aka Seven of Nine.

TV’s Sexiest Women - Ever

1. Pamela Anderson - Baywatch
2. Farrah Fawcett - Charlie’s Angel’s
3. Lynda Carter - Wonder Woman
4. Heather Locklear - Melrose Place, Dynasty, T. J. Hooker
5. Eva Longoria - Desperate Housewives
6. Diana Rigg - The Avengers
7. Barbara Eden - I Dream Of Jeannie
8. Katherine Heigl - Grey’s Anatomy
9. Catherine Bach - The Duke’s of Hazzard
10. Tina Louise - Gilligan’s Island

AOL

Oh, Pamela Anderson back before she became a big breasted joke, running down a beach in slow motion in that skimpy red bathing suit. She deserves the sexiest woman on television crown, she’s the reason that Baywatch is the most watched show in the world. I doubt it’s for the storylines.

Shakira is one of our favorite celebrities here at Celebitchy. She’s fun, she’s cute, and she donates a lot of her money and time to charities – not to mention the good publicity she brings to them. But Shakira caused a pretty big stir in Afghanistan recently, when one of her concerts was aired on a privately owned television station. One could see how Shakira’s hip-shaking might not go over so well in more conservative country. However it seems the real problem was her upper half that was the problem – and as a result Shakira’s top was covered with computer pixels. Sexy.

A hip-shaking performance by the pop star Shakira has provoked a showdown between the Afghan government and the country’s independent media. The culture ministry has been joined by senior Muslim clerics in warning the country’s largest private television station of serious consequences following the broadcast of a concert by the Colombian singer, famous among her young fans for her onstage gyrations.

The Shakira broadcast caused consternation even though she appeared with computer pixilation covering her chest. State television broadcast interviews with clerics and MPs criticizing the concert while one pro-government newspaper attacked the “notorious” broadcast of a “naked US pop singer and dancer” claiming it provided inspiration to suicide bombers.

“We believe Shakira’s song will be shown with Tolo TV’s exclusive logo at the training camps for suicide attackers to urge our immature young people to leave a number of our mothers bereaved,” said the Weesa newspaper. But the owner of Tolo TV, Saad Mohseni, who grew up in Australia, said: “This was not that provocative and Shakira was pixilated. The government are looking for an excuse to have a go at us.

[From the Telegraph]

Afghanistan’s media isn’t as restrictive as it used to be since the Taliban government lost control in 2001, however it is still very conservative, and could become even more so. New legislation is pending (and likely will be signed into law) that will give the government expanded rights to censor broadcasts they deem offensive to the country. I’m mildly surprised that someone would broadcast a Shakira concert there in the first place. I mean she’s cute as a button, but she’s not exactly known for covering up. And the hip shaking is impressive, but certainly not subtle. You’re not left wondering what it is she’s up to.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Shakira in concert during her “Oral Fixation” tour. Hmmm. Images thanks to PR Photos.

I swear to you that I had an, uh suggestive dream about Matt Damon last night. This is not an uncommon occurrence, but I felt like a psychic this morning when I discovered that Damon was just named sexiest man of the year by People Magazine.

The thing is, Damon sent People Magazine a letter thanking them for the ego-boosting honor, but turning them down! He said that he doesn’t usually talk about his personal life. He also suggests that New England Patriots Quarterback Tom Brady would make a better Sexiest Man Alive. You just know he has a man crush on him:

But when the actor learned he had won the title, he wrote the publication a letter turning it down.

The magazine’s Ericka Souter explained: “He wrote People a ‘fabulous’ letter explaining that he doesn’t normally talk about his personal life.”

She said he was blushing when he found out.

Damon wrote: “You just gave an aging suburban dad ego boost of a lifetime.”

The magazine said it chose married dad-of-one Damon, 37, for his “irresistible sense of humour,” “his dedication to his family”, and his “heart-melting humility.”

Damon gave People permission to reprint the letter, featured in the new issue, out later this week.

Last year, Damon’s Ocean’s Thirteen co-star George Clooney was in top spot, for the second time.

Others in the running for this year included football ace David Beckham, actors
Brad Pitt, Patrick Dempsey, and Jake Gyllenhaal, and chart star Justin Timberlake. Scots actor Gerard Butler, of 300, was also considered.

Meanwhile, in his letter to People, the actor suggested New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady - who is dating supermodel Gisele - should have taken the top spot.

[From Showbizspy.com (site has automatic video)]

Last year George Clooney, the 2006 “Sexiest Man Alive” winner, joked about how Matt Damon wanted the title. He said “I gotta say, this is a very big disappointment for Matt, because he did run a very good campaign. If you’ve been around him, you know he’s sexy. His eyes pop. They have a twinkle. He’s got a good smile. He’s quite the dancer. He does rock a Speedo in Ocean’s 13.”

As for when Damon should be named sexiest, Clooney said last year that “Matt’s got a couple of years left before it’s time for him.”

Maybe Damon will win again another year and will actually accept the award. He has plenty of time left. At 37, he’s eight years younger than Clooney was when he last took the title. Sean Connery won in 1989 at the age of 59! Matt strikes me as the type that will hold on to his looks for at least another decade, but I’m completely biased. Matt Damon is the sexiest man alive in my book, and my subconscious agrees.

Other sexiest men alive this year include Patrick Dempsey, Ryan Reynolds, Brad Pitt, James McAvoy, Johnny Depp, Dave Annable from Brothers and Sisters, Will Smith, Javier Bardem, Shemar Moore from Criminal Minds, Ben Affleck, Adrian Grenier, Will Yun Lee from Bionic Woman, and Justin Timerblake.

Here are a bunch of pictures of my two favorites, Matt Damon and Johnny Depp. Photos of Damon in Oceans 13, The Bourne Ultimatum and The Bourne Supremacy from Allmoviephoto. Johnny Depp is shown in stills from In Hell and Secret Window. He is also seen at the premieres of Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End on 5/19/07 and Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest on 6/24/06, thanks to PRPhotos.