Clay Aiken is one of those celebrities that annoys the crap out of me – and as a result, I tend to pay attention. I think that’s the same angle a lot of famous people take to get attention. His whole “I must expose my feet every chance I get” thing really freaks me out, but I can handle it. But thinking he’s sexy? That I just cannot take. Apparently part of Clay’s new repertoire involves a brief cover of Justin Timberlake’s now-classic “SexyBack.” My God, I hope he doesn’t cover JT’s “Dick in a Box.”

Did you notice that as the video cuts out, he starts in on a cover of Billy Ray Cyrus’s “Achy Breaky Heart?” That’s a bit more acceptable. What would make Clay think this is okay? And isn’t he loudly, annoyingly conservative Christian? Emphasis on the conservative? The guy really is an enigma. The “sexy” faces he makes are priceless. Clay, I don’t care whether you’re gay or straight, I don’t care whether you ever tell us if you’re gay or straight, I just care that you never do this to the internet again.

In slightly less horrifying Clay Aiken news, the red-headed sex machine will appear on an episode of Fox’s “Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?”

“We know Clay Aiken has a voice, but how’s his brain? We’ll find out when he appears on ‘Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?’

“Aiken will try to win money for his foundation that runs a camp for kids with developmental disabilities. If he answers all his questions correctly, the foundation will get a million dollars.

“Aiken will tape his appearance August 28th. No air date has been set yet.”

[From ABC affiliate abc13.com]

I really hate it when otherwise contemptible celebrities do something good. Like having charities for kids with developmental disabilities. Stupid Clay Aiken. You’re so good, and so bad, all at once.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Clay at the Emmy Awards in 2005. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Hot Penelope Cruz was presented with an edible faux Oscar at the Sanremo Festival of Italian Song in Sanremo, Italy this Friday. She may have lost the best actress award to Helen Mirren, but she can still bite into a replica.

She looks gorgeous in a tight black scoop neck gown with glittering zig-zag detail. I like that dress much better than the one she wore to the Oscars although it doesn’t look puffy or complicated enough for the biggest Hollywood award ceremony.

The Sanremo festival is a five day Italian music festival that also features acts from outside the country. This year British singer Joss Stone, and American recording artists Norah Jones and John Legend will perform. Cruz was interviewed live on stage to attract television viewership and promote the festival.

Things are heating up in Penelope’s new relationship with Orlando Bloom. The two were seen making out at Prince’s post Oscar party, although an earlier story just had them “flirting outrageously” that night. I hope we see them make the rounds together soon.

Pictures from HotCelebs.

Heterosexuality worldwide got a real boost when Ana Beatriz Barros, Veronica Varekova, Bar Refaeli, and Marisa Miller all showed up for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue 2007 Launch party. Such Mega hotness in one room caused several beta males in the general area to dissolve into sad little puddles of wish fufillment.

Hollywood Tuna had the pictorial scoop …. I do not have the thousand words that these pictures equal. Have at it boys:

Twice the Lesbian of your average original six foot designer Kimillionairre … and at quadruple the price … and covered in bling. And Yes Virginia she will still ‘Beat a Bitch’s Ass’ … but sometimes that’s hot

Kimora Lee Simmons went lip-to-lip with a gorgeous blond woman at Cipriani Upstairs Thursday.

The mystery kisser, who’d been hanging with Simmons at her table all evening, got up on the bar for a dirty dance as the 6-foot stunner shimmied in front of her. Blondie then gave Simmons an eyebrow-raising smooch. A rep for the Baby Phat designer, who was no doubt excited about her show at the tents the next day, says it was “a friendly kiss hello to a party guest.”

Via Jossip

No matter the observable hijinx - PR flacks are on hand to spin down the Ari Fleisher flavored foolishness. Just stare you blatantly in your face and lie like a dog by a fireplace.

Impressive in a day where the PR BS bar had already been hoisted so high by Celebitchy favorite PR flack Sara Forage - who started our celebitchy day claiming that Jade Jagger simply didn’t recall drunkenly hopping all over Virgin first class with fat and filthy friends in tow. She drinks ’cause flying makes her nervous was the best they came up with. Amateur Hour I tell you … Kimora and her PR folks beat that bitch’s ass … she will see your pint of denial and raise you a gallon of her own – with high baby ‘beat a bitch down’ phat content.

Who needs a show in the tents when you got the Cipriani All Girl Revue. No wonder Russell hasn’t pursued that divorce … he’s lucky — the little wizened midget — and should thank the Gods of Olympus and Kimoristan for gifting him a crazed Amazon lip locker to share his McMansion.

17 year-old Harry Potter actor Daniel Radcliffe will break out of his child actor role with a controversial turn on the London stage in the acclaimed play Equus. Radcliffe will portray a stable boy who is pathologically fascinated with horses, and is in therapy with a psychologist who faces his own issues while treating him.

Radcliffe will act out a sex scene and will also appear in the buff on stage, as I’m sure you’ve heard.

Equus premieres at London’s Gielgud Theater on February 27, and also stars Richard Griffiths as the therapist. You may know Griffiths from the Harry Potter movies, where he plays Harry’s mean bumbling uncle, Vernon Dursley.

The fifth Harry Potter film, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is tentatively due for release in the US on July 13, 2007.

Pictures from Celebrity.Log via Lipstick.

News of The World recently ran nearly two year-old pictures of Paris topless and kissing a South American VJ and claimed that she was somehow cheating on Britney with this other woman. The pictures were from her hacked Blackberry back in January, 2005 and were old news.

Now they’re publishing pictures of Nicky and Paris goofing off in their lingerie at a Playboy party and in their limosine, and say that they’re somehow being pervy. They look like they’re just drunk and being stupid to me. It’s a weird thing to do with your sister, but whatever. They’re not tongue kissing or anything. Nicky also doesn’t have blonde hair anymore and these pictures look old to me. Does anyone know if they’re recent? Kim Kardashian looks the same.

Note that News of the World never states the date these were taken. It’s likely they don’t know how old they are as all they do is describe the pictures:

Sex-mad Paris is well-known for her lack of inhibitions.

But even she was pushing back the boundaries when she posed for this sizzling set of snaps on a visit to the Playboy Mansion in LA.

Paris, wearing stockings and suspenders and an animal-print basque, seems to be loving every minute of being captured bottom to bottom with Nicky, 23.

Their feet are clamped on the roof of their limo as they soak up the limelight.

In another shot Paris, 25, hugs and kisses her wide-eyed little sis - who is dressed in only a silky slip.

Our snapper said: “I know sisters can be a touchy feely but this was taking it to an extreme.”

Pictures from News of the World.

Mega star Justin Timberlake is performing at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show to air on December 5th. Timberlake will be singing his sexy hit songs while the hot Victoria’s Secret models strut the catwalk. The fashion show (almost naked women show) is on Tuesday, December 5th on CBS.

At least someone on stage will be wearing clothes.

Note from Celebitchy: I don’t know about you, but these pictures just make me want to work out at the gym for two hours and buy new underwear afterwards. I guess that’s what they’re going for.

Here are pictures from the show, which was taped about two weeks ago. Thanks to CBS and PopSugar for these pictures.

Hot mom Jennifer Garner looks great in a tight purple dress at the GQ Magazine Men of the Year celebration last night.

Her husband Ben Affleck recently told Ellen Degeneres that he wants more kids when she asked about it, but he didn’t set a number. Ellen tried to get him to say five or six kids, but he said “I should probably talk to my wife before I talk to you.”

Here’s the video of Ben telling Ellen he wants more kids.

Ben also spoke candidly about taking a break after his PR debacle (link lead to video) with J.Lo and Gigli, and said “I took about a couple of years off. I mean, definitely a full year where I didn’t do anything, and I did this [Hollywoodland], and then the rest of the time I spent directing a movie, but it was… I got a little bit sort of exhausted of uh - myself, and you know, and my life, and so I wanted to try to control it or manage it or look at it differently or try to figure out like what do I really want to do, and who am I really and not looking through a reflection of a magazine or being defined by someone else. So it was good for me and good things happened for me.”

Affleck certainly changed his public image during his hiatus. He seems a lot happier and down to earth now and his career is sure to take off.

Here’s Garner last night. Thanks to Hollywood’s Best for these pictures.

Salma Hayek is wearing a dress made for a lesser-endowed woman at a press conference for “Ugly Betty,” the critically acclaimed show she produces. She’s just so stacked. Commentors on the bulletin board where we found the pictures are divided as to whether Hayek has breast implants or not. I have no idea, but they look great to me.

George Clooney is the new sexiest man alive according to People magazine, but is he deserving of this two-time honor? I say that in order to be sexy you have to be able to make a commitment - potbellied pigs do not count. Clooney is a notorious cad who has been linked with all sorts of women, but never for very long. His standards seem to involve the proximity of the woman to him at the time.

He broke his neighbor Teri Hatcher’s heart after just a couple months of dating, prompting her to reveal her childhood abuse to Vanity Fair in a vain attempt to get back at him. He was also linked with his co-star Ellen Barkin, who joked during a tribute to Clooney that she fucked him. She probably did.

Clooney has a recent on-again off-again relationship with hottie Krista Allen, but he never made a commitment to her.

He dated British TV presenter Lisa Snowdon for nearly five years, ending the relationship in 2005 after both parties said that it was too difficult to maintain a long distance relationship.

Clooney was engaged to French law student Celine Balitran in 1998, but their relationship ended in 1999 after three years together. Clooney did set her up with a house and enough money to live comfortably in LA after they broke up.

And he was actually married from the age of 28 to 32 to actress Talia Balsam, 2 years his senior.

It seems as if Clooney tried commitment a few times and kind of gave up, preferring to spend a few weeks here and there with whomever was convenient.

He may be sexy, but he’s not good relationship material. Indeed, Clooney has said as much. Referring to his relationship with Celine Balitran, he said “I’m actually a much better ex-boyfriend than I am a boyfriend.”

Most of my ex boyfriends kind of seem like jerks to me, and it would never occur to me that they were still sexy. Clooney is the celebrity ex boyfriend that has something about him, but you realize it wouldn’t be worth it to go there.