Lots of celebrities Twitter these days. Despite my loud protestations, it’s not merely an outlet for raging narcissists (though it certainly serves that function well). John Mayer is a prolific Twitterer. Dina Lohan supposedly started an account, but it turns out it was a fake. The kid behind it did one hell of a good job pretending to be Dina. You’ve got to be smart to play that dumb. Christopher Walken’s Twitter was constantly reposted in people’s Facebook updates – though it turns out that one was faked as well. Lots of letdowns. Well, here are a few more!

According to the New York Times, lots of celebs – maybe even most, it’s impossible to know – have hired ghost Twitterers. You know, like a ghost writer, except they’re only responsible for 140 characters at a time.

The rapper 50 Cent is among the legion of stars who have recently embraced Twitter to reach fans who crave near-continuous access to their lives and thoughts. On March 1, he shared this insight with the more than 200,000 people who follow him: “My ambition leads me through a tunnel that never ends.” Those were 50 Cent’s words, but it was not exactly him tweeting. Rather, it was Chris Romero, known as Broadway, the director of the rapper’s Web empire, who typed in those words after reading them in an interview.

“He doesn’t actually use Twitter,” Mr. Romero said of 50 Cent, whose real name is Curtis Jackson III, “but the energy of it is all him.” … someone has to do all that writing, even if each entry is barely a sentence long. In many cases, celebrities and their handlers have turned to outside writers — ghost Twitterers, if you will — who keep fans updated on the latest twists and turns, often in the star’s own voice.

Britney Spears recently advertised for someone to help, among other things, create content for Twitter and Facebook. Kanye West recently told New York magazine that he has hired two people to update his blog. “It’s just like how a designer would work,” he said.

The famous, of course, have turned to ghostwriters for autobiographies and other acts of self-aggrandizement. But the idea of having someone else write continual updates of one’s daily life seems slightly absurd.

The basketball star Shaquille O’Neal, for example, is a prolific Twitterer on his account — The Real Shaq — where he shares personal news, jokes and occasional trash talking about opponents with nearly 430,000 followers. “If I am going to speak, it will come from me,” he said, adding that the technology allows him to bypass the media to speak directly to the fans. As for the temptation to rely on a team to supply his words, he said: “It’s 140 characters. It’s so few characters. If you need a ghostwriter for that, I feel sorry for you.”

In the last couple of months, the Britney Spears Twitter stream has become a model of transparency. Where the feed once seemed that it was all written personally by Ms. Spears — even the blatantly promotional items about a new album — lately it can read like a group blog, with some posts signed “Britney,” some signed by “Adam Leber, manager” and others by “Lauren.” That would be Lauren Kozak, social-media director of britneyspears.com. (Ms. Spears’s management team declined to be interviewed for this article.)

[From the New York Times]

I know celebrities are busy. But the whole purpose of Twitter is that it’s personal and intimate. If you don’t want to share things of that nature (I sure as hell don’t), then just don’t Twitter.

It’s true that a lot of business and brands use it for professional purposes, and the NYT’s does put forth the argument that celebrities are in themselves a brand. But unlike a business, a celebrity is also a human being. The business that Twitters doesn’t have the option of being all that personal. What’s it going to do, tell you its thoughts on love? And a business is probably representing multiple people, so it’s just not possible. A celebrity is just one person. When you’re dealing with an individual on Twitter, the assumption is that’s who you’ve really got. It’s disappointing to find out it’s just another way to advertise. Not surprising, but still a letdown.

Here’s 50 Cent pretending to charge at a photographer after landing at LAX on March 18th. Images thanks to BauerGriffinOnline.

Apparently basketball great Shaquile O’Neil wants to be a sheriff. Aren’t little boys supposed to have grown out of that phase by about 15 or so? Shaq’s 35, but whatever. Shaq’s talked for years about wanting to be a sheriff, but it appears he’s taking it a little more seriously these days.

“’I probably will run for sheriff in Orlando or Fort Lauderdale, Fla.,’ he said during an interview on the Live with Regis and Kelly national television chat show.”

[From the Sun Sentinel]

One would have to assume he actually meant Broward County, since Fort Lauderdale doesn’t have its own sheriff. How serious could he be if he doesn’t even know one of the jurisdictions he plans to run in doesn’t have a sheriff? Shaq, who plays for the Miami Heat, has been a reserve officer for the Miami Beach police and a few other areas. He claims to be a reserve detective. I have a degree in criminology, and I’m 99% certain there is no such thing. If you’re a reserve officer, you just do it here and there, like a substitute teacher but much less so. Becoming a detective takes years of work and dedication; it’s not something you could do on the side. But we’ll put that aside and humor Shaq a little, because it seems like other people are.

Fort Lauderdale Mayor Jim Naugle said the notion of a Sheriff Shaq shouldn’t be dismissed. As someone who’s admired by many people, Naugle said O’Neal might be successful at stemming youth crime.

I think he would be great,’ he said. ‘He’s demonstrated a real dedication. I don’t think it’s out of the question. … He always seems to have had a clean image, unlike some in sports.’”

Of course this isn’t the first time Shaq’s talked about his law enforcement dreams.

In 2002, he told the New Yorker that he wanted to be a police chief or sheriff in Louisiana or Orlando. He said he would run as an independent. In 2004, he discussed running for the Central Florida job with the Orlando Sentinel.

And early in 2006, he told ABC News that ‘when I am done playing, I will be a sheriff somewhere in some city in some county.’”

[From the Sun Sentinel]

Current Broward County Sheriff Ken Jenne, considered to be the most powerful man in the county, didn’t dismiss Shaq’s dreams either, though he seems to think he should be a little more realistic.

Shaq’s got three of the most important qualities needed to be sheriff: dedication, commitment and team building,’ he said. Jenne would prefer to have O’Neal sign up as a Broward Sheriff’s Office reserve deputy — with one catch.

‘He’d have to supply his own shoes. We don’t carry his size.’”

[From the Sun Sentinel]

I have to wonder how serious he is about all this… the sheriff is an elected office. Shaq’s not even registered to vote. Being a sheriff isn’t about running around shooting people. (Nor is being a police officer). It’s a desk job, and a political job. You have to be able to tightly control a large budget, and have the confidence of your officers… who generally don’t place a lot of faith in someone without years of law enforcement experience. However it seems like Shaq actually does have a chance, if he wants the job. Broward County Sheriff Ken Jenne is considered by many to be corrupt, and is currently under investigation by several agencies. Many citizens have voiced their support of Shaq, though it’s hard to say if that’s because they think he’s really do a good job, or bring star power to the office, or just that he’d be better than Ken Jenne. What do you all think, Shaq for sheriff?

Picture note by Celebitchy: Shaquille O’Neil is shown in the header image at the ESPY Awards yesterday with his wife Shaunie. Thanks to WENN for this picture. He is also seen in a promotional image for the 1996 film Kazaam.