Megahit producer Timbaland hints at a rift with Britney in a new interview with MTV. He says he would work with her again,but only if she apologizes. He won’t say what happened, just that “She knows what she’s sorry about.”

He says Britney doesn’t have a comeback story yet, that she hasn’t really let enough people help her and has royally screwed herself by trying to go it alone. It sounds to me like she told him she didn’t need his help and wasn’t nice about it.

Now Timbo has even more advice to give her about getting her career back on track. “She needs a story,” he said. “She has no comeback story. That’s the problem. She has to have a team. She needs to come back with Justin doing records; [then we'd see headlines like,] ‘She went back to her ex and she’s making smashes.’ [But instead she got] so big-headed and [was] like, ‘Screw you, screw you, I don’t need nobody.’ ”

So is there any chance for Spears to rectify the situation and possibly work with Timberlake and Timbaland? Yes, says the super-producer — if she apologizes.

“She should humble herself and make a phone call and say, ‘I’m sorry.’ She knows what she’s sorry about,” Tim said. “She needs to say, ‘I was wrong,’ and it’ll definitely move forward. … That’s all she has to say.”

[MTV.com via WeSmirch]

That’s good of the guy to say he’ll work with her, but he knows that Britney will make him a lot of money so it’s not like it’s all about charity.

Meanwhile the American Idol judges say they want to help Britney too. Yesterday Simon was talking smack about her, but today they’re extending a hand to get some free publicity:

“We have decided we can bring Britney back,” the normally caustic Cowell confirmed. “We are serious. We plan to buy her underpants, get her bigger shorts to perform in and get her away from her stupid friends.”

[Fox News]

That’s nice that they’re not telling her to work out, and are just talking about covering up properly. Of course Cowell outlined his comeback program for Britney yesterday and it involved hitting the gym, so it sounds like he lightened up a little when giving Brit this public appeal that she’s never going to take.

Britney is said to have stayed out until 6am the night before the VMAs, not 4am as was previously reported. Those extra two hours of sleep wouldn’t have made her able to magically dance and lipsynch properly, though.

And in related unsurprising news, her abs were tan airbrushed on before her VMA performance. I find it hard to believe she even let someone airbrush them on, considering how over-confident she was in her appearance. I imagine her saying “Ma stomach looks gud. Don’t point that gun at me.” I was wondering how she looked so cut with a normal stomach, but it didn’t occur to me that her abs were painted on. Someone did a good job, unlike Britney.

Britney is shown outside her lawyer’s office yesterday, where she had a four hour meeting with K-Fed which was said to be about custody of their boys. Thanks to Splash News for these pictures.

Never one to mince words about people he dislikes or finds lacking in talent, Simon Cowell has said that he never would have let Britney perform after seeing how unprepared she was in the auditions. He also said she’s blown her chance at reviving her career and it’s all over now for Brit:

Speaking from his mansion in LA, Simon told me: “If I had been looking after Britney I’d have taken one look at her in rehearsals and I wouldn’t have allowed her on stage.

“It would have been worth pulling her off the bill — no matter what the cost — to save any chance she had of resurrecting her career.

“She wasn’t ready for that show in every possible way.

“The song wasn’t right, the image wasn’t right and she just wasn’t rehearsed.

[From The Sun]

Cowell said that Britney wouldn’t even make it to the next round in his UK reality talent show “X Factor.” Cowell’s fellow judge on “X Factor,” Louis Walsh, also repeated those claims, saying “Britney wouldn’t make it through one audition of X Factor because she can’t sing live.”

She can’t even lipsynch anymore, I might add.

The Sun points out that Britney was supposed to perform on American Idol, but that her management decided not to go through with it when she was asked to do a live show. She’s not even capable of dancing properly and moving her mouth around.

Back in May, Cowell gave some long-distance advice to Britney when he was on Good Morning America. He said that’s she couldn’t handle the pressures of fame and that she should go home, “get a sense of reality,” and then get her life and career “back on track.” Obviously she didn’t take any of that advice.

Kanye West said that Britney was just being used and abused by MTV, but she’s perfectly capable of ruining her image without outside help. MTV officials did try to get her to rehearse and warned her to curtail her partying, it just wasn’t possible.

I would love to see Britney appear on American Idol. She would be one of those contestants cut out at the first stage who sing pretty well but completely ruins their chances by being full of shit. She would act like it was a given that she would be accepted into the next round, and when Simon tells her no, all stony faced, she would talk back and get all mouthy and offended.

For as harsh as Cowell is to Britney to the British press, he told Extra that “She stole the show whether you liked it or not.” But he also added that “She wasn’t ready for it” and said she needed to get the snake back and wear less revealing clothing.

Header image from Radaronline.com

I hate American Idol. Fortunately, the country I live in isn’t a fan either, so last year’s NZ Idol winner didn’t even get a recording contract, just a car. Which was probably more useful to them, since no one was going to buy that album anyway. Then all the rejects from the previous two series, from when NZ Idol way in its heyday, got together and fought it out for $50,000. Unfortunately it wasn’t a Gladiator-style fight.

Anyway, it seems American Idol might finally have sucked the talent out of the pool, and is scraping the mildew at the bottom, according to Ryan Seacrest.

TMZ cameras caught the “Idol” host before his jog outside the Mandarin Oriental Hotel in NYC on Sunday — sporting an iPod and an inconspicuous Ed Hardy hat. When asked about the upcoming season of the juggernaut that is “American Idol,” Ryan said they “weren’t great … for 20,000 people, we only found a few good ones.” Is that a change?

TMZ

Actually, the bad auditions are the best part, so maybe things are looking up for the show.

Another sign American Idol is on the way out – low ticket sales for its Idols Live shows.

Reports of attendance and gross receipts for the first 30 of the 57 shows scheduled for the tour, as recorded by Billboard Boxscore, show this year’s crop of 10 Idol finalists is falling short of last year’s concert performance.

No sellouts were reported for the first 30 shows, and only one topped the 93% of capacity mark. (That was the show in Glendale, Ariz., Idol winner Jordin Sparks’ home turf.) Of the 2006 tour’s first 30 shows, 17 were sellouts and another 10 exceeded 93% of capacity.

Nearly half (14) of the shows were below 60% of capacity. (Lowest was 38.9% in Birmingham, Ala., hometown of 2006 winner Taylor Hicks and 2003 champ Ruben Studdard.) In 2006, the lowest-capacity figure in the first 30 shows was 89.3%.

The 2006 tour was the most successful to date, but 2005′s was a lot healthier than the current version. Of the first 29 dates of 2005, 11 were sellouts and four more topped 93%.

USA Today

What will happen if the whole enterprise shuts down? How will record companies find talent? What will Paula Abdul do for a living?

The drama between Kelly Clarkson and RCA head Clive Davis will not settle down. The two got into a pretty public feud (well Clarkson said a lot of stuff that Davis said and no one denied it) about the quality of Kelly’s most recent album “My December.” Kelly stood her ground, and the reviews have been mixed at best, with many critics siding with Davis. Kelly revealed to Blender exactly what she said to legendary Clive Davis.

It was nice,” Clarkson told Blender of a “face-to-face” Beverly Hills Hotel meeting she and Davis had to discuss his “My December” issues. “It was just the two of us, and his dog. I was like, ‘I don’t know you very well, and I am not a bulls**tter. I get you don’t like the album. You’re 80; you’re not supposed to like my album.’ I said, ‘Clive, I’m going to make tons of albums. It doesn’t have to be mainstream every time.’”

[From Reality TV World]

Well it turns out that wasn’t really a smart thing to do for a lot of reasons. Clive Davis is a pretty powerful guy. And he’s her boss. So there’s two good ones right there. But more importantly, he’s been in the business forever, and he’s stayed relevant. In some way, shape, or form, he’s responsible for about half of what you hear on the radio. And it turns out he has a pretty good ear, since the record hasn’t been selling well compared to her old albums. Blender noted, “Clarkson has never sounded this depressive or spiteful.”

Simon Cowell decided to chime in and tell Kelly to STFU. Don’t worry, he’s got an accent so it sounds prettier when he says it. But it’s Simon Cowell so it actually sounds mean no matter what.

They just need to kiss and make up…Clive Davis at 80 is better than 99 percent of the people in the music business in their 20s, 30s and 40s…and he’s not 80….(Davis) is the boss of the record company, and it’s his job to advise.’”

[From Reality TV World]

I really like Kelly Clarkson, though I don’t care for any of her music. I like that she’s spunky and doesn’t follow the wasteland mentality that most celebrities her age seem to indulge in. I can really see where she’s coming from, and especially why she wouldn’t want to do something so mainstream after the last two albums. But on the other hand, Clive Davis is… Clive Davis. He’s legendary, and he knows what he’s doing. And he is her boss. If nothing else, if I were Kelly I would have kept quiet about it and not blabbed about it in every single interview. Either way, there are many measures of success. This album definitely isn’t selling like her last ones, and it probably isn’t going to produce the chart-dominating singles of her previous efforts. However it does seem to have more of an honesty to it, and there’s certainly something to be said for sticking to your guns, especially on something so personal.

Simon Cowell is pissed that Jennifer Hudson called American Idol a “stepping stone” to her fabulous career. He thinks she’s downplaying the role of his show in making her famous, and that without Idol she’d be nothing. He also thinks Taylor Hicks sucks and says he doesn’t have what it takes to sell records despite winning last season.

Cowell did all this trash-talking at a discussion panel for the Museum of Radio and Television:

“Jennifer Hudson said American Idol was a ‘stepping stone’ for her. Stepping stone? It was her big opportunity to become noticed and she got noticed and she got Dreamgirls,” Cowell said, noting that other past contestants “deliberately turn against the show that made them successful. The reason (people) come on the show is because all the doors had been slammed in their face.”

As for Taylor Hicks, who won season 5′s competition, “They (Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson) loved him. I couldn’t stand him. I didn’t get it,” Cowell snapped, adding that “at the end of the day you have to find a bona fide recording artist. Just because you win the show doesn’t mean you will sell a lot of records. Chris (Daughtry) is the one who sold the albums, not Taylor.”

This isn’t surprising coming from Cowell as he always talks smack. Hudson should have called American Idol her big break, but maybe she mischaracterized it or wants to downplay it as she moves on to other things.

It doesn’t seem like it matters how far finalists get in the competition as long as they’re given other opportunities. People has a nice gallery of Idol runners up on their website. Diana Degarmo, who was runner-up in Season Three to Fantasia Barrino, is performing on Broadway but until I read about it I had completely forgotten her. I found her rather annoying on Idol and although she could belt out the tunes and did a wide range of numbers I was surprised she made it so far.

Hudson finished Season Three in seventh place, and it was a shocker when she was voted off so early. Elton John called the voting “incredibly racist” after he noticed Hudson’s talent and she was voted off. It looks like it really didn’t matter and she was spared a lot of stress in the finals as she moved on to better things. Since she was voted off the show realitively early, maybe that’s why she’s calling it a stepping stone instead of a milestone.

Here are pictures of Jennifer Hudson when she was on American Idol from AmericanIdolJenniferHudson.com.

With so many routes to five minutes of pop success presently available – retreads, also-rans and never give-ups are likely to show up in more than one venue. Is it fair that poor (by which we mean very, very rich) Simon Cowell should be accused of cheating? Probably not, but then Cowell hasn’t spent a lot of time putting together a persona that everybody want to love. Now those loveless chickens are coming home to roost. To roost all over his man boobs. There’s a pretty picture.

Music mogul and reality show judge Simon Cowell has been accused of planting a British pop star who was once signed to his record company in the second round of American Idol.
Former Take That backing singer Tom Lowe has made it through to the TV singing contest’s Hollywood stage after wowing the judges in Seattle, but he stunned Cowell at the end of his audition by saying, “I was at BMG Records in London at the same time that you were there.”
Lowe was a member of British boy band North And South, who scored four minor British hit singles on Cowell’s record label before splitting in 1998, but Cowell claims he can’t remember him.

via Starpulse

Celebrity Alzheimers has been invoked recently by everyone from drunk air-hazard Jade Jagger to giantess Kimora Lee Simmonst. It’s like pleading the fifth amendment cause you drank a fifth of scotch.

Nonetheless this seems an eminently reasonable case of happenstance – emotions run so high among the deluded souls who throng to the fame lottery that is American Idol (or UK Idol or Swedish Idol or German Idol). It doesn’t take much to get a conspiracy theory going.

However, a furious contestant tells British newspaper The Daily Star, “It’s really suspicious that they were at the same record company. Simon claims he doesn’t remember him but there’s a feeling among some people that this could be a fix. A career in the States could be worth $195 million so there’s a lot at stake and people aren’t happy.”

I wonder if any Idol to date has made that 195 million figure … where in the world does it come from, so specific, so precise, so out of the blue. I mean I doubt Kelly Clarkson is closing in on 200 million personal worth and Clay Aitken would be shopping for a more expensive and more discrete form of man whore with that kind of pocket change.

I’m sorry to hear the American Idol contestant crowd aren’t happy. Their constitutional right to the Pursuit of Happiness (not the Will Smith in a wig kind) should never be compromised by British conniving – why else did we fight and win the Revolution against those moobish toffs?

pic via solarnavigator

Simon Cowell may ridicule mentally challenged contestants on American Idol, but he’s not always that cruel offscreen. A maid cut her hand on a broken glass in his hotel room and he wrapped a towel around her gash and had a friend rush her to the hospital. The rude British reality show star even paid the injured woman’s hospital bill:

In Manhattan before jetting to LA for his smash show’s season opener, Simon was in his hotel suite… when he heard the crash of glass in his bathroom – and a woman screaming! Racing into the john, he found a hotel housekeeper writhing in pain on the floor, gushing blood where her hand had been ripped by a broken drinking glass. Grabbing a towel, Simon wrapped it around her wound and hustled her down the elevator to his waiting limo – yelling at hotel staff for help. A colleague drove with the housekeeper to the emergency room, then Simon’s driver chauffered her home after she was patched up…

Mr. Nasty-But-Nice [even] paid for her treatment – which included several stitches – and told the hotel to bill him for any pay she’d lose.

[From The National Enquirer print edition, Mike Walker's column, January 29, 2007]

That guy Mike Walker of the Enquirer has a lot of hero stories involving TV stars, but it could be true. I would bet Cowell was motivated by a desire not to get sued rather than humanitarian reasons, but it’s still a nice story.

In a recent interview with television-focused site MeeVee, Cowell said that he knew Jennifer Hudson would make it big the first time he saw her, and said “When that girl came into the room, I went, ‘Oscar.’” Yeah, right.

Simon also said that he couldn’t make American Idol without his fellow judges wacky Paula and yes-man Randy. He said that without Paula’s colorful behavior, the show would be boring.

American Idol is back in full force, and the best of the worst are paraded out and ridiculed for your gawking pleasure. The clueless, attention-seekers, and people who are a little bit touched wait days for the priviledge of being mocked by Simon and slurred at with pity by Paula. Randy usually waits to hear what Paula or Simon says and then repeats it, as if he’s playing the children’s game of the same name but doesn’t quite get the rules.

Judges are under fire for being exceptionally cruel to bad contestants this year. Simon called one kid who was a little slow a “bush baby,” saying “you look like one of those creatures that live in the jungle with those massive eyes.” The kid handled it really well, staying positive and telling Simon “that’s your opinion, you’re entitled to it.” The NY Times notes that the guy the fat guy, not this guy is mentally handicapped, because his old school biography lists him as participating in the Special Olympics.

Producers say people know what they’re in for because they pull this shit every season, and the viewers love it. Simon sort-of apologized in a later statement, saying “.. If he’s offended, then I apologize. I might never call anyone a bush baby again.”

Here’s another audition by a Utah computer programmer who takes himself too seriously:

My favorite comment on this video on YouTube was by akaso405, who said “How come nobody ever knows when they suck balls???”

Rosie O’Donnell added her enlightened commentary to the American Idol controversy, (link leads to video) saying “Isn’t that what America thinks is entertainment? To make fun of someone’s physical apperance, and when they leave the room, laugh hysterically at them? Three millionaires, one probably intoxicated?”

“Ever since they started making fun of that guy… William Hung… If you keep serving people crap and telling them that it’s a meal, they’re eventually going to think that it’s a meal.”

She has a point that it’s cruel. Joy Behar said “This is like the new freak show… there’s an appetite for this.” Rosie said that if they put on good singers and showed all the contestants who almost made it that people would watch it too. Maybe they’re aren’t enough decent singers that don’t get picked in the first round, though.

While they shouldn’t make fun of the way people look, it seems well within their rights to make fun of the way they sing, since it’s a singing contest and all. There is such a thing as junk food entertainment. We proudly serve it, and think it’s a metaphor Rosie should be able to understand.

Viewers are eating it up. This season’s premiere was the most-watched show on Fox in six years, with over 37 million people tuning in.

Header picture from ONTD

Update: thanks to everyone who pointed out that it was the fat guy, not this bush baby guy, who is listed as mentally handicapped on his school bio.

On American Idol Tuesday night Simon Cowell told Ryan Seacrest to “lose the beard” in a veiled reference to his sham publicity relationship to Teri Hatcher. He got away with it because Seacrest had new facial hair, but he clearly was referring to Hatcher:

Cowell should not be picking on Seacrest. While Seacrest may be trying to hide his gayness, he’s not hurting anyone. Cowell is jeopardizing his current relationship and taking advantage of a young contestant. His constant flirting with 19 year-old Idol contestant Kellie Pickler has royally pissed off his long-term girlfriend, TV presenter Terri Seymour:

Last nights results show saw Mandisa, Paris, and Elliot in the bottom three, with Mandisa leaving for good.

Here are pictures from American Idol this week, including a visit from The O.C.’s Rachel Bilson and comedian Chris Rock and his family.

10 more after the jump.

(Read more…)