Paris Hilton appeared on a German TV show yesterday wearing a custom-made soccer jersey with “Hilton” written on the back. She said she thought Germany’s soccer player Lukas Podolski was “hot,” but Podolski is from Poland and just plays for Germany.

Host Stefan Raab: “So, you like Lukas Pudolski?”

Paris: “I don’t know him, I just think he’s really good looking. He’s an amazing player.”

Stefan Raab: “First he comes from Poland, but then he comes from Cologne. You’re single at the moment? Maybe I can arrange something between you and Lukas Podolski. Wouldn’t it be nice? Paris Podolski?”

Paris, laughing: “I wish them luck on Friday.”

Here’s the clip, courtesy of The Wade Blogs:

Paris next directed an on-stage soccer tournament with blindfolded players shouting “Harder Harder! Kick it forward hard! Kick it in!” You can watch that segment here.

The Wade Blogs points out that Paris has been saying she wants to get with various soccer players as she promotes her album in Europe. Some of her quotes in the British press are rather suspect, though:

Now that Paris has almost ruined the careers of quarterback Matt Leinart and hockey player Jose Theodore the sports world is interested in her. ESPN’s Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon debated Paris’ love life on their show “Pardon the Interruption” this week:

It does look like Paris is fixated on athletes, although some are bound to take their teammates advice like Matt Leinart and stay far away from the herpes-laden heiress.

Paris said earlier in this German interview “I think German guys are really hot.” I can attest to that, since my husband is German. If the German game of the World Cup wasn’t on now I might have asked him to translate some of the German in that video.

Germany is now playing Argentina in the World Cup, and Argentina is unfortunately up by one goal. Lukas Podolski got a yellow card four minutes into the game.

Update Germany won in nail-biting penalty kick overtime!

Here is Paris promoting her CD in Cologne on June 27th. She wearing those dumb yellow shoes with the giant bows again. [via]

I usually ignore this chick Jodie Marsh, because she’s just some British slut who is only famous because she wears outfits like these. I always confuse her with Jordan, but she’s two steps down from Jordan. It’s hard to pass up these photos, though. She would look over the top at a porn convention, but she was attending the charity premiere of “Just My Luck” in London in this getup.

Marsh is also shown with the band McFly, which has a single out joking about Lohan’s affair McFly’s drummer Harry Judd, making it rather funny that they’re at the opening of Lohan’s crappy movie. Lohan says she never got with Judd, but Judd says she must have a short memory.

I showed these pictures to my dad. (I’m visiting my family in the states.) He thinks she’s desperate and said “how would you like to pet those puppies?”

Paris Hilton has been spotted out in wigs in a lame attempt to go incognito several times. This latest look isn’t surprising, except she’s at a public event so she shouldn’t have bothered. She was at the O2 wireless festival with her friend Caroline D’Amore.

Paris’ ten-minute affair with French Canadian hockey goalie Jose Theodore during the Much Music festival has led his baby’s momma to dump him. Paris was seen holding hands with Theodore and now his life is fucked up beyond repair:

Good for Stephanie! If only all of the women sleeping with Paris’ exes would dump them, we could reduce the spread of herpes throughout the population of hot but dumb 20-somethings.

Paris’ new single “Stars are Blind” is out, and while it’s catchy people are wondering if she can actually sing. It’s being called the “musical equivalent of airbrushing.”

Paris is shown yesterday at the O2 wireless festival and on 6/20 at the launch of the T-Mobile sidekick. She’s wearing a white glove so she mustn’t want her hands to touch any sidekicks infested with other celebrity germs. The dress isn’t so bad, but check out her ridiculous yellow shoes with the giant bows and her nautical-theme earrings!

Pictures [via]

Paris Hilton saw Lindsay Lohan out at a club in NY on Monday night and started screaming at her for having dared pick up Paris’ leftovers. When Lohan responded calmly and Hilton lost the class battle, she went on a full-out assault for the slut title:

Paris and Lindsay’s last fight was at a club in Hollywood in mid May, and they were screaming in each other’s faces. Paris was said to be upset that Lindsay was name-dropping her during promotion for “Just My Luck,” but that sounded like a bogus reason considering Lindsay had already slept with two of Paris’ exes.

Someone must be coaching Lohan to help her better respond to well-deserved attacks. She must love that she came off as the classy one in this latest incident and probably called her publicist right away to give the news.

Paris is back with Stavros now, which sort of explains her possesiveness of the ultra-rich oil heir. This latest round is sure to be short-lived though, so why make a fuss?

Here is Lohan on the night in question. I don’t know who those football guys are, but she might be posing with one of them. I google image searched both of the Giants mentioned and it’s hard to tell. It could be some random other guy. Paris is shown signing autographs outside the Regis and Kelly show on 6/12. She has a nip slip, and I was considering making that into its own post, but that’s kind of common with Paris so why hype it?

Paris is also shown outside her NY Hotel on 6/12. She is the victim of MAC Studio Fix Face, which reflects light and makes her look like a barbie whose head has been switched.

Orlando Bloom and Kate Bosworth had a low-profile on and off relationship
since meeting on the set of a Gap commercial in the spring of 2002. They were said to be engaged in October, 2004, but then Bloom confirmed that he had broken up with Bosworth in February, 2005. It didn’t last long because Bloom and Bosworth were spotted shopping for engagement rings in mid-December of last year. They were last photographed together at the end of May.

Bloom was seen out with Bosworth last week, but had two different encounters with celebrity sluts that are suspicious:

The Mirror says it’s more than a coincidence that Sienna Miller and Orlando Bloom were at the same place at the same time, they were having lunch together and then left separately to avoid being photographed:

Orlando Bloom is not that hot to me, and I don’t get his appeal. In these pictures taken at the Raisa Gorbachev Foundation launch party on June 19th he looks like some of the wannabe hipster programmer types I used to work with who could have used a good shower and a shave. Claire Daines is also looking pretty beat at the event. [via]

There was a rumor a while ago that Orlando gave Kate herpes. With the types he’s associating with I wouldn’t be surprised.

Denise Richards slutted it up to perform with the Pussycat Dolls this weekend. She looked more like a high school senior at an early 90s-era dance recital than a chick about to go onstage with a female band famous for vag slips.

Richards told Page Six that she’s happy that Shiloh Jolie-Pitt was born this week because it takes the tabloids’ attention away from her relationship with her ex-best friend’s husband, Richie Sambora. Richards was spotted with a big diamond on her left ring finger, and people are saying she’s moving ultra-fast to get engaged to Sambora. Her divorce with Charlie Sheen isn’t even close to being finalized.

Sabora and Richards were spotted visiting the sites in Paris, and the NY Daily News suggests it wasn’t a coincidence that the paparazzi knew exactly where they were.

Here is Richards with big bushy eyebrows and hair wearing a drum major outfit.

Lindsay Lohan seemed like she was moderately improving. She didn’t strike back at Paris Hilton or Brandon Davis for the firecrotch rant video, and she may have even made up with Paris depending on how you interpret the story. She also admitted to not being able to stay in a committed relationship. She came off as a sympathetic slutty character for a week or two. Then she had to go and open her mouth again.

A few weeks ago she told Matt Lauer that she’s the “hardest working person” she knows.

In an interview in Harper’s Bazaar, she takes her frenetic self perception to a new level by claiming that she’s gone through more in her coke-fueled 19.75 years than most people have in a lifetime. Yeah, that’s how you see the world when you’re jacked up on coke.

These few quotes by Lohan provide a lot of fodder to rip on her.

It’s completely out of touch and arrogant for Lohan to say she’s been through more than most people - not some people - have in a lifetime. She shleps around handbags that are worth more than a large percentage of families in the world take home in a year. (Disclosure: I am totally superficial and would carry these same purses if I could afford it.) Doing a lot of drugs, guys, and shopping is not in the same hardship league as not being able to put food on the table.

In terms of Lohan saying that she’s in it for the long term and doesn’t want to run out of steam, that seems like a legimate concern she should have. Lohan is partying like a mad woman, and she’s linked with a new guy every week. It’s all well and good to say you have trouble settling down, but being known for going to the bathroom a lot and having catfights with models who date your older fuckbuddies isn’t going to do much for her career. She needs to actually calm down and stay home for a while if she wants to be taken seriously. (And it’s probably Brett Ratner who called her “kid,” because don’t all directors use that term?)

So let’s call Lindsay Lohan “Kid Party Girl” from now on. It seems to bother her much more than “Firecrotch.”

Here she is at a Cartier event looking completely sober.

Lindsay Lohan says that she can’t settle down with one guy, and tries to explain away her sluttiness by claiming she’s like a guy:

Lohan says she’s not with McFly’s drummer Harry Judd, and that they’re “just friends,” but Judd’s bandmates wrote a song teasing him about hooking up with Lindsay, called “Please Please Lindsay Please.”

Here’s a story about the song on E! Daily. The lyrics: “You love yourself more than you love me.”

Judd must be one of the “several men who live overseas” Lindsay’s publicist says she dating. We suspect one of the other guys is Londoner Jamie Burke, Kate Moss’ ex.

Lindsay may have a good excuse for not being able to stick with one guy - she’s jacked up on so much cocaine that she needs constant excitement.

Lindsay is a busy girl, all right.

Here she is getting a less harmful stimulant and getting out of her car. [via]

The PopBitch e-mail newsletter reports this week that Paris Hilton got fingered at a club by a strange guy and acted like nothing was happening:

That’s possible, but it sounds like a nasty rumor someone just made up.

New NFL quarterback Matt Leiner, Paris’ latest fling, seems to have taken his teammates advice to stay away from her as we reported last week. Ted Casablancas reports that Leinart has a new girlfriend in Arizona, where he’s training with the Arizona Cardinals:

Paris must not care mutch. She was photographed with 50 Cent’s hand on her boob at a party in Cannes this week. That makes it seem more likely that she was fingered by a random guy at a club.

As Jossip points out, Lindsay Lohan isn’t the only one with a firecrotch. Paris was photographed in her “modeling days” wearing flame-encrusted panties, as shown above.

Here she is coming back from Cannes. [via]

Lindsay Lohan shows how self-aware she is by admitting that she can’t be monogamous:

She also took the high road while at a party with bloated Brandon Davis and Paris Hilton, and did not confront the pair or say anything about Davis’ famous “firecrotch” rant about her:

We feel kind of sorry for Lohan now, and will work on that. She’s sure to say something arrorgant soon that we can latch onto.

Here she is at the Parasuco Launch Party last night in NY.