I have publicly admitted that I really prefer to write about celebrities being bad to being good. I try to cover all the stories equally, but the bad stories get sooooo many more comments. So, in an attempt to point out the positive, I’m going to start posting a “Good Celebrity” article a day. Unless I get yelled at a lot for doing it, in which case I’m going to slink away and go back to posting 18 Lohan articles alone. So be nice. Our first celebrity is…. hold your breath… Shakira!

Shakira has been secretly (and by secretly, I mean not bringing X 17 along) taking classes at UCLA this summer. While the rest of us have been sweltering at our offices – or if we’re lucky, sweltering at the beach – Shakira has been studying the history of Western civilization. Just because.

“Shakira has been using her free time to study at UCLA. For the past month, the Colombian pop star has been attending a class at the University of California, Los Angeles, titled “Introduction to Western Civilization: Ancient Civilizations from Prehistory to Circa 843.”

Shakira’s manager Fifi Kurzman told the Associated Press the 30-year-old singer started attending classes August 6 following the conclusion of her latest tour. Classes ended September 13, although instructor Robert Cleve said Shakira didn’t attend the last few sessions. He said he hadn’t known she was a celebrity and was astonished to find out her identity.

“‘She told me she was visiting from Colombia and that she was just doing this for her own enlightenment and enjoyment,’ Cleve said. ‘She looked just like an ordinary student. She wasn’t flamboyant…she didn’t act like a big celebrity or anything.’

“Cleve said Shakira, who sat in the third row in the lecture hall, would often discuss material with him after class. ‘I was really impressed with how intelligent she was,’ he said. Kurzman said Shakira has for years studied on her own, also taking tutorials on the history and languages of the countries she visits.”

[From Voice of America]

Um, I love Shakira now. That is so cool. I only took Western civilization because it was required and all I remember about it was that the professor looked like a pedophile. Yes you can look like a pedophile… and if I wouldn’t get sued, I’d put his picture up so you all could understand. Unfortunately I mentioned that to a few classmates who all agreed, and I found out years later that students still call him that. That’s why you shouldn’t call people names, kids. Anyhoo, let’s give Shakira some points for doing something good. In the wake of all the other pop-tarts’ drinking, boozing, sleezing, and DUI-ing, Shakira is taking college classes just for fun. While I’m sure Paris got quite an interesting education in jail, I doubt she could tell you all about Gilgamesh. She’d probably tell you that it was some new kind of undergarment.

I’m all too willing to break the semi-ban on LohitneyParis stories with the latest news that Lohan was nabbed for DUI again. 45 days in rehab, a voluntary alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet, and all the cash, friends, and help at her disposal and stupid Lohan couldn’t be bothered to have someone else drive for her.

Lohan failed the “walk the line” test according to TMZ after her car was pulled over for chasing a white Escalade at 2:15 AM in Santa Monica. TMZ reports on Lohan’s blood alcohol level and and says she refused to submitted to a breathalyzer. One article says “Sources say her blood alcohol level was between .12 and .13, well over the .08 legal limit.” while another says she couldn’t walk a straight line and refused a PSAD, or Preliminary Alcohol Screening Device test. The PSAD is a breathalyzer, so it sounds like she refused a breathalyzer, wasn’t able to walk a straight line, and was hauled off to jail, where she was forced to take a blood test. Let me know if you’re more familiar with the way this process works.

She was said to be cooperative in jail, and was released on $25,000 bail.

The SCRAM people, who monitor Lohan’s ankle bracelet which is supposed to detect alcohol vapors from the skin, say they didn’t even know she was arrested. We don’t actually know if she took a breathalyzer or not. If she refused to submit to one, it suggests she had something to hide. Did she not hook the SCRAM thing up? Did she buy another one, put in her closet, and have the SCRAM people monitor that one?

Not only is she drinking and/or drugging, she’s driving under the influence. How stupid and arrogant can you be? If Lohan’s career wasn’t doomed before, it surely is now.

Update: Thanks to Sycko for pointing out that she was also charged with cocaine possession. The coke was found in her pants pocket when she was booked at jail.

Lohan’s mugshot above thanks to TMZ.

Lainey’s gossip has a blind item that sounds just like Tori Spelling. Lainey says that a wife-stealer in her second trimester of pregnancy has been drinking up a storm and that her husband doesn’t care:

I’ve never had a baby, nor do I intend to, and therefore don’t consider myself an expert, but even I know that it’s wrong to over-imbibe when you’re expecting. Then again, it’s also wrong to steal another woman’s husband so why hold our mother-to-be to such lofty standards of propriety? Besides, going by what I hear, she’s probably not smart enough to figure out that alcohol can actually harm your fetus - relief therefore that her empire of origin has been left in more reliable, if manipulative, hands.

Still… it’s really not the kind of gamble you want to f&ck around with. But as I said before, sound judgment is not her strong suit and well into her 2nd trimester, she was openly throwing back glass after glass of red wine. Over a 5 hour period, eyewitnesses report that it was refilled more times that would be considered “medically, socially, morally” acceptable. Even more interesting though: the person doing the replenishing was none other than the proud father and reigning junior master.

Word is he keeps her already vacuous mind as stimulated, or as de-stimulated, as possible, which may account for the common phrase heard among those who’ve met her and describe her behaviour: “She is always OUT OF IT”…so much so that he often has to accompany her to do her business.

After all, opportunistic love also extends to the loo.

Commentors on Oh No They Didn’t, where we found this story, note that it’s probably not Angelina because she doesn’t seem to be pregnant again and Lainey generally adores her and wouldn’t write something this nasty about her. It also sounds like Tori because she uses the term “opportunist love” to describe the husband.

Gwyneth Paltrow was seen out drinking twice in the late stages of her pregnancy with Moses, and Rachel Weisz said it was ok to drink while you’re pregnant as long as it’s in moderation. (She was directly questioned about it, and did not bring up the subject herself.) I was kind of shocked at these statements as I had my pregnancy in the states, where it’s a strict taboo to drink while pregnant and any kind of alcohol is considered a risk to the baby. Some of our European readers said that their obstetricians said it was ok in small doses.

If this is true there’s no way that it’s healthy to drink more than a glass of wine occasionally while pregnant, and Tori should be ashamed. Hopefully her baby will turn out ok anyway.

Tori is shown at the Winter Television Critics Association Press Tour. I’m Not Obsessed says she’s on a pregnancy pass, which can excuse bad fashion but certainly not drinking.

I may get some heat for saying this, and as a person who regularly believes and follows celebrity gossip, I’m not one to criticize someone else’s belief system, but isn’t it kind of dumb to say that your period cramps were relieved due to how the planets were aligned?

Teri Hatcher has stopped suffering from period cramps - because the planets are aligned in her favor.

The ‘Desperate Housewives’ actress is a keen believer in astrology and thinks her stars are the reason for the mysterious disappearance of her menstrual pains and current cheerful demeanour.

She told Britain’s New magazine: “I think I’m very lucky. I don’t think the planets have ever been so aligned for me in my life.

“They’re so aligned that I’ve been having periods and not even having cramps.”

On second thought, the source is a British rag that I’ve barely heard of, so chances are this was a fabricated quote. Damn, I was hoping to rip on Hatcher for crediting the planets with relieving her period cramps - even though I visit AstrologyZone to check my horoscope when I remember it - not every month or anything. (They did say I would have good luck in business right around the time we had that Britney crotch-baring boon, so there’s got to be something to it.)

When trying to describe how far and wide the news of Danny Devito’s drunken appearance on The View travelled, Rosie O’Donnel parodied the Chinese language in a way that many people consider offensive:

Asian groups are calling her idiotic parody for what it is while Rosie’s rep is defending it:

“The use of the distorted phrases is insulting to the Chinese and Chinese-Americans, and gives the impression that they are a group that is substandard to English-speaking people,” says the Asian-American Journalists Association. But Rosie’s rep thinks they just don’t get it: “I certainly hope that one day they will be able to grasp her humor.”

Why she couldn’t have said something like “Even Chinese newspapers were reporting it?” This is the woman who claimed that Kelly Ripa was somehow being homophobic when she said she didn’t know where Clay Aiken’s hands had been after he pawed her mouth. She just doesn’t get it when she does something that’s more obviously offensive when it’s directed against another group. Maybe Rosie could have scrunched her mouth up to make her teeth look bucked and used her index fingers to make her eyes seem slanty while saying it.

Note that I am stating how I feel about it without calling her ignorant or anything. I learned my lesson on the Jennifer Hudson thing and I appreciate your comments. If someone has an opinion I will respect it as long as they state it respectfully, which Hudson sort of did. (That doesn’t mean I have to agree or whatever.) Rosie didn’t state her opinion respectfully, though, and no one else brought up the subject - she decided rip on another language in a dumb, pointless attempt to be funny.

I have a feeling half the people are going to tell me I’m stupid and should lighten up, and the other half are going to say I’m right. That’s kind of how these things work.

Maybe Rosie will have the sense to issue an apology on Monday. The ratings for The View are up 15% since Rosie joined this season, and if they weren’t always fighting and pulling stupid shit like this it’s doubtful that their audience would extend beyond the retired ladies in Boca.

Lindsay Lohan showed just how much the drugs have affected her brain by firing off a rambling e-mail to her lawyers and friends that was promptly forwarded to media outlets. She surely intended it that way, but if she wants to get out this message that she can serve as a role model and help change the world and all, (if that is the message, since I didn’t get the point) couldn’t she put in some line breaks and use a spell checker?

I’m getting ahead of myself, though, because Lohan is begging for help and advice in this stream of consciousness e-mail but doesn’t seem to be at the point where she’s able to accept it. She has a few vague bad ideas of how to go about making people love her, but she’s really just letting everyone know that she and her overinflated ego are out of control:

Subject: The way of the future-Howard Hughes once said. I am willing to release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite letter to the press if any of you are willing to help. Simply to state my oppinions on how our society should be educated on for the better of our country. Our people. Also because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see. People are just mean. I am going to proceed with putting LR to court if need be for what she’s done to me. Its my life. I want to live it. People cannot lie and think that it is okay to continue on having done so. Simply because they will do it again to someone else, and that is not alright with me. I have had many ups and downs, as do we all.
[Note from Celebitchy: that’s the longest subject I’ve ever seen]

Body:
But to make false accusations to one girl is unjust in my oppinion. Having said this, I am willing to do anything I need to get my life the way it should be and the way I work for it to be.. And have thus far in my career. Let’s sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character. Amongst other illegal accusations, I will repeat this over and over to make my point. I am not fully aware of what these, again, accusations are, but I am fully and eagerly prepared to learn them. Have harvey and all lawyers help me please. If he is willing. Al Gore will help me he came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me. If he is willing to help me, let’s find out. Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan metroplis, and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK. I’d really like to fix things and refuse to stop on any account for these unintelligent, vulgar people who like to hurt other people. Not just me, but everyone. I’m willing to hold a press conference and I will do anything necessary to do so. In putting an end to ‘these people’ trying to put an end to me and belittle me as well as try to be the demise of me after all I’ve gone through and done at such a young and tender age in a womans life. Its enough already, I’ve had enough and I am going to be the one to make a change. For all of my fellow actors, friends, people I admire and for those I’ve lost in the recent days, years, months. I do believe the focus in the world has misplaced and directed in the wrong directions and I am willing to be the one to help change that and use my celebrity status to move the focalpoint /(s) of the press to the real issues that we have going on as we speak. Anyone that is willing to help and has a family member or friend, even co-worker that is in a position to be involved in any way, shape or form, please contact me, Jenni Muro, Leslie Sloane, Michael Heller, Jason Sloane, Jason Weinberg as soon as you can or are willing. Just ask them, it doesn’t hurt to ask. So let’s start now, rather than waste time. Do you agree? Because I’m doing it either way. The way of the future. Thank you for your time. Your Entertainer, Lindsay Lohan Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Thanks to Gawker for that entire dense e-mail, which I’ve read a few times and still can’t wrap my brain around. That subject line is very long. I don’t have a Blackberry, but is that how they work? Do people routinely just use the subject line for the whole message?

So Lindsay is asking for help from higher-up, and that’s what she’s learning in AA and all. She also says that she wants assistance writing some letter to the press or something about how great she is, but she’s doing it already in this message. She’s incredibly narcissistic and seems to think that everyone is out to get her. She’s blaming “LR” for leaking stories to the press, and LR is said to be the assistant who left her to work for Jessica Biel. She’s obviously using this girl as a scapegoat for her negative image.

Lohan - if you want help, I’ll give it to you, thanks for asking: If you’re so fucking concerned about education go to college. Preferably somewhere in the Midwest where drugs are hard to find. Maybe if you stop going out every night you won’t have to worry about all the tabloids reporting lies about you or whatever it is this e-mail is about.

It’s good that you’re asking for help, though, that’s something. I look forward to an e-mail where you make a fearless moral inventory and apologize to us all for wasting our time.

Lindsay is shown out to lunch with her mom and sister at Orso on 12/4. Thanks to Linds-Lo.com and Splash News for these pictures.

Britney’s quite the mess, but it doesn’t seem she’s neglectful of her children enough to need constant monitoring by Child and Family Services. The news yesterday from Page Six that Britney is wanted for questioning by the child welfare agency was either fabricated or overblown. TMZ reports that it’s just not true, and that as long as Britney has someone watching the children she should be fine.

Paparazzi agency X17 says that Britney visited a knee surgeon this week for a consultation. She injured her knee two years ago, which sort of led her to K-Fed and derailed her music career. Speculation is that she may need more surgery on it, which could postpone her much-anticipated comeback.

Britney is now trying to mend her public image by replacing that dumb ass morphing tiger on her website with a personal message referencing her issue with undergarments, but it seems like too little too late:

It’s been so long since I’ve been out on the town with friends. [Note from Celebitchy: 4 hours] It’s also been 2 years since I’ve even celebrated my birthday. Every move I make at this point has been magnified more than I expected, and I probably did take my new found freedom a little too far. Anyway, thank God for Victoria’s Secrets’ new underwear line! I look forward to a new year, new music and a new me.

I’m just getting started… Happy Holidays everyone!

Britney

This sounds like the trite justifications Lohan uses for her partying. (”I’m 20, don’t all 20 year-olds go out?”) There’s a difference between hitting a nightclub once in a while, and going out every night of the week when you have two young children at home. Someone wrote this for her and told her that she needed to sound contrite. There’s nothing Britney can say that will erase the image of her punane from peoples’ minds.

All of Britney’s actions show that she wants to do everything as she pleases. We’re really disappointed in her and this stupid message isn’t going to change that. She may be the top search phrase on Yahoo! this year, but it takes a lot of work to look away from an accident instead of slowing down and staring.

Is it wrong of me to say that Britney is looking kind of slack recently? If she’s up all night drinking (and probably drugging) she’s surely let up on her fitness and health regime. She doesn’t look as good as she did a month ago, and that kind of partying catches up with you quick. Just look at Lohan.

Jennifer Hudson might be getting a lot of positive press for her kick ass role in Dreamgirls, but her recent statements are sure to cast a ashadow over all the positive buzz. She says that being gay is a sin, but it’s - you know, not any worse than other sin. She means like stealing and cheating on your wife, right? What bothers me is her opinion of course, which is antiquated and bigoted, but also that she talks about herself in the third person and uses the tired “I have gay friends” excuse. That’s so fucking stupid:

As a Baptist who’s singing at circuit party, has Hudson reconciled her spiritual beliefs and her gay fan base? Does she support same-sex marriage?
“Nobody has ever asked me these questions,” she says.
“Everybody sins,” Hudson continues. “No sin is greater or different than the other. To each his own. If it don’t bother Jennifer, then Jennifer don’t mind. I don’t really even think about it because I don’t believe in judging people for what they do.”

When referencing themselves, lots of divas probably do that schizophrenic thing where they toggle between first and third person. But did Hudson just say that being gay is a sin?

“According to the way we’re taught, and what it says in the Bible — it is,” Hudson says.

If her answers didn’t already sound like fundamentalist clichés, Hudson then added, “I have plenty of gay friends.”

Her answers were surprising.

I had a hunch that Hudson was religious. But when it came to questions about the gay community, I had hoped she might emerge with a thoughtful response.

Because she’s a relatively new star, some may say it’s unfair that Hudson should be asked to comment on social issues. But another reporter at the roundtable pointed out that Hudson is a zaftig, dark-skinned woman. He asked Hudson if she feels a responsibility to represent young African-American women in a positive light.

“I do think it’s important to be a good role model,” she says. “It just occurred to me a few days ago that I might be a role model. I’m sure that’s a part that comes with the territory. And I want to make sure I represent them well. And give all females — no matter what age, what race — something to look up to.”
Part of “Dreamgirls” chronicles the rise of the Civil Rights movement. I tell Hudson that gay audiences might feel a connection because they’re still fighting for equal rights. And when it comes to same-sex issues, all sorts of people might look to Hudson to shed positive light.

“I feel we should all have our rights,” she says. “It shouldn’t concern everybody else what somebody’s personal life has going on.”

Hudson has said this before, so it’s not new news, but now that she’s getting so much press she should realize it’s time to stop talking about it.

It seems like she answered this question because she’s not media-savvy enough to know that she should keep her mouth shut and change the subject. She has a right to an opinion no matter how much it makes me shake my head and hope that her career will tank, but she should realize that it’s going to hurt her in Hollywood if she continues to talk about it openly.

She also says she “thinks the world of the gay community” and “if they love me, I must be fierce, honey.”

Do you think the gay community is going to overlook the fact that she says they’re all a bunch of sinners?

I was all “go Hudson,” yesterday, because even though I’ve heard this about her before I completely forgot about it. Now it’s not so easy to see her as this up and coming star that has earned her success.

Pictures and story from Faded Youth and ONTD.

Update: Maybe you guys are right that I’m just as bad as Hudson for condemning her for an opinion. It’s an emotional topic and I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut about it. I have gay family members though and it really annoys me when people say it’s somehow a sinful “lifestyle.”

In true Pamela Anderson form, she reconnected with two of her exes right after splitting with her husband of four months, Kid Rock. Of course Rock was also one of Pamela’s old loves that she just couldn’t let go of and hastily married after a summer fling.

Is newly single Pam Anderson torn between two exes? On Nov. 27, within minutes of filing for divorce from hubby of four months Kid Rock, 35, she was on the phone reconnecting with her “forever flame,” ex husband Tommy Lee, 44! “He asked me is it true you are getting divorced, and if it is true, what are you doing later?” Pam told the TV show Extra. Five days later, Pam and Tommy spent the day watching their sons Brandon and Dylan play football and basketball. “They were kissing and hugging most of the afternoon,” an eyewitness tells Star. Tommy may have some competition. On November 26- the night before she filed for divorce – a wedding ring –free Pam was in San Diego’s Stingaree nightclub attending a party for her ex boyfriend, San Diego Chargers footballer David Binn, 34. “They looked very comfortable and seemed to be tuning out the other partygoers,” an eyewitness tells Star. “It was clear that she was there for David.”

[From the Star Magazine e-mail newsletter]

Kid Rock has also turned back to an ex. He was seen out with Conchita Leeflang, who he dated after his first breakup with Pamela Anderson in 2003. Word is that he never lost touch with Conchita and Pam suspected him of cheating with her during their brief marriage.

The GQ Interview that came out right after Pam and Kid split may offer clues as to why their marriage was doomed. They fought in front of the journalist, with Pam scolding Kid for his
love of hunting and use of the word “gay”

Recalling their 29 July (06) marriage in the current December 2006 issue of the publication, rap rocker Rock growled the guests were made up of “whoever could afford to come,” adding, “None of my friends were there”. He later claims, “I’m not in charge of this relationship”.

When his new wife attempted to correct him, stating, “They’re all your friends, baby..”. Rock snapped, “None of my friends were there”.

Then, in a further exchange, the couple disputed the use of the word ‘gay’ when tough guy Rock, real name Robert Ritchie, insisted, “That just takes the gay metre right to the end” when asked to confirm he sang U2’s With Or Without You to his new bride on their wedding day.
Anderson attempted to correct him by saying, “That’s enough with the gay word. That’s not nice,” but her husband glibly jokes, “It’s a new word. All the kids are using it”.

The actress/model even threatened divorce, which she filed for last week (ends01Dec06), when her husband jokes about her animal rights work.

Asked by the magazine if his wife’s love for animals is making an impact, Rock jokes, “Now I shoot the deer and she saves it,” which prompts angry Anderson to retort, “That’s divorce right there. You shoot anything, it’s over.

Nice to know these two are able to learn from their mistakes.

Images from Splash News Online and Conchita Leeflang’s myspace.

Word is that Paris Hilton wants her own convenient accessory children to tote around for the paparazzi that follow her. That way, she can mix it up and won’t have to keep switching friends to get coverage.

The partying heiress says that hanging around with her new best friend, Britney Spears, and Spears’ two tykes has made her want to reproduce.

“It’s been my dream to have four babies by 30,” the 25-year-old heiress announced, reports Life & Style Weekly. And Hilton thinks she’s highly qualified for motherhood, explaining: “I look after animals, so I’d have a lot to give my kids.”

In fact, looking after kiddies has become so appealing to Hilton that she recently cut short a night out with Spears, announcing to friends, “We’re going home to the babies. We miss them.”

Since when is Paris a competent pet owner? She complained about having to take a limo with her many pets for a six hour drive when an airplane barred her from bringing her goat on a plane. In news that was likely fabricated, she was also said to want a baby kangaroo too, but was discouraged from buying one when she was told they can grow up to be violent animals. She even had a monkey taken away from her after it bit her repeatedly.

She would make a fabulous parent. She should call up Madonna and ask for tips on how to fast-track an adoption of the cutest kid available by mail order. With Britney as her role model for motherhood, is it any wonder she thinks it’s a good idea?