The Cruise-Holmes merger is said to be about six weeks away. While Katie has shaped up with the help of a trainer using the Buff Brides program, Tom looks like all his PR appearances have him stress eating.

His face is all puffed up and he looks like he’s trying to suck it in. He also needs a haircut badly. What happened to him?

I remember seeing the pictures of his visit to Yahoo! and thinking “He may be batshit crazy, but he still looks hot.” Now he’s just crazy.

In amusing related news, a guy was arrested for taking a leak on the grounds at the Cruise estate. It’s unknown how he got on the premises is in the first place:

Cruise, Holmes and Suri were said to be home at the time, but their place is so huge they might not have even known about it.

Here are Tom, Katie and possibly Tom’s mom at another one of Isabella’s soccer games on 9/16. Thanks to KatieHolmes.com for these pictures.

Victoria and David Beckham spoke to London’s Mirror while promoting their new fragrance line in Italy. Victoria was quite upfront in the interview and I have a lot more respect for her after reading it. She seems like a person who struggles with her self esteem, but it sounds like she’s finding her place in the world and is getting stronger every day.

Victoria said she wants a girl, but that now isn’t a good time:

She said her big butt in the perfume ads wasn’t altered that much and that she was just bending over funny:

Victoria admits she wasn’t a great singer, but now that she’s designing her own jeans and putting out a makeup line, she feels confident in her line of work:

And Victoria feels a bit inferior to her gorgeous husband, international football star Becks:

Victoria could gain a few pounds to up her sexy factor, but people do see her as sexy.

While she hasn’t met Suri yet, Victoria said she speaks to Tom Cruise on the phone often and said that he’s not strange like people say, and is “just a genuinely lovely caring person.” She called Katie Holmes “one of the most down-to-earth celebrities I’ve ever met,” and said she’s really good for Tom.

She revealed that David was upset at being dropped by England’s national team, and that he wears his heart on his sleeve. She asked if he wasn’t “one of the top 23 footballers in the country.”

David spoke of his pride in his boys’ interest and skill at football at such a young age. When asked about his favorite smells, a reference to their new perfume line, he said:

That’s so sweet! These two may preen a lot, but there’s something vulnerable and endearing about them.

Here are Victoria and David outside of the launch of their perfume line. Victoria’s skirt is see-through at the top, and you can see her panties in some of the shots. Of her outfit she said “I look like one of those dolls that sit on top of your toilet roll.” She does look like a doll, but that’s not a bad thing. [via]

Maybe Lance Armstrong had a good, embarassing reason for making all those awkward gay jokes at the ESPY awards. Page Six is suggesting that he has something going on with Matthew McConaughey, but they’re probably just checking out all the biking pictures and jumping to their own stupid conclusion.

Lance might just be a sweaty friend of McConaughey and Gyllenhaal. Hey, straight, bi, and gay guys can all hang out together and do sports without getting busy.

Countless straight guys would disagree with me, but it’s kind of hot to imagine McConaughy, Armstrong, and/or Gyllenhaal getting it on. Yes I put that image in your head. If you’re a semi-straight chick like me, it’s not a bad one.

It’s probably not true, though. Jake was said to be training with Lance so that he could play him in an upcoming movie, and McConaughey was probably just along for the, uh, ride.

McConaughey and Gyllenhaal have been spotted biking without Armstrong. Maybe they’re the real pair on the down low. As long as they keep doing sports together a girl can fantasize.

Lance, Matt and Jake are shown at an ESPY awards party in mid July. Jake and Matt are seen biking together on 7/26, with one older picture of all three biking together thrown in for good measure. Pictures from Gossip Rocks and Mollygood.

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck made a rare public appearance at the Red Sox Angels game in Boston yesterday. Unfortunately the Red Sox lost, 4-10.

Garner and Affleck have an eight month-old daughter, Violet, who was not with them at the game. They are reportedly planning a permanent move to Ben’s hometown of Cambridge, MA, after staying there for the Summer while Ben makes his directorial debut.

There have been rumors that Garner is pregnant with her second child, but a woman who claims to be a cousin of Ben Affleck’s writes to Celebrity Baby Blog that that’s definitely not true.

Pictures [via]

David Beckham announced his resignation as England’s captain after England lost their chances at the cup by losing to Portugal in penalty kick overtime 3-1 on Saturday.

“Our performance during this World Cup has not been enough to progress further, and both myself and all the players regret that, and I hurt… I hurt by that more than people realize”

Here is Beckham crying after his World Cup dreams were shattered:

And here he is announcing his resignation as World Cup captain:

Beckham is said to have made the decision after a heart-to-heart phone call with his wife, Victoria, who has supported him on the sidelines by losing even more weight and wearing skimpy outfits:

Here are pictures of Victoria Beckham crying after England lost on Saturday. [via] she is also seen arriving at the soccer stadium on 6/20 and outside of a restaurant in Stahlbad. Germany on 6/14. There are also some pics of her at a game with Cheryl Tweedy on 6/15. [via]

Paris Hilton appeared on a German TV show yesterday wearing a custom-made soccer jersey with “Hilton” written on the back. She said she thought Germany’s soccer player Lukas Podolski was “hot,” but Podolski is from Poland and just plays for Germany.

Host Stefan Raab: “So, you like Lukas Pudolski?”

Paris: “I don’t know him, I just think he’s really good looking. He’s an amazing player.”

Stefan Raab: “First he comes from Poland, but then he comes from Cologne. You’re single at the moment? Maybe I can arrange something between you and Lukas Podolski. Wouldn’t it be nice? Paris Podolski?”

Paris, laughing: “I wish them luck on Friday.”

Here’s the clip, courtesy of The Wade Blogs:

Paris next directed an on-stage soccer tournament with blindfolded players shouting “Harder Harder! Kick it forward hard! Kick it in!” You can watch that segment here.

The Wade Blogs points out that Paris has been saying she wants to get with various soccer players as she promotes her album in Europe. Some of her quotes in the British press are rather suspect, though:

Now that Paris has almost ruined the careers of quarterback Matt Leinart and hockey player Jose Theodore the sports world is interested in her. ESPN’s Tony Kornheiser and Michael Wilbon debated Paris’ love life on their show “Pardon the Interruption” this week:

It does look like Paris is fixated on athletes, although some are bound to take their teammates advice like Matt Leinart and stay far away from the herpes-laden heiress.

Paris said earlier in this German interview “I think German guys are really hot.” I can attest to that, since my husband is German. If the German game of the World Cup wasn’t on now I might have asked him to translate some of the German in that video.

Germany is now playing Argentina in the World Cup, and Argentina is unfortunately up by one goal. Lukas Podolski got a yellow card four minutes into the game.

Update Germany won in nail-biting penalty kick overtime!

Here is Paris promoting her CD in Cologne on June 27th. She wearing those dumb yellow shoes with the giant bows again. [via]

This isn’t our standard fare, but we have a blogger friend who posts mainly nip slips and he claims it’s the way to go. We found these high res pictures of Sharapova’s butt and thought we’d give it a try. Apologies to our female gossip lovers.

Fourth seed Sharapova nearly suffered an ankle injury while playing in Australia at Roland Gallos. She also complained that the organizers moved the event from Monday to Sunday, saying the early start jeopardized her ability to prepare for Wimbeldon. Her ankle turned out to be fine and she won her match in two sets yesterday against a Czech player, Iveta Benesova.

Here are HQs of Maria Sharapova’s butt in very tight tennis shorts. You can see everything if you squint.

Pictures [via]

Robbie Williams’ team, “England,” won the Soccer Aid benefit for the United Nations Children’s Fund last weekend. Williams’ opponents, the “Rest of the World” team, were lead by Gordon Ramsay. Each team was made up of ten celebrities with six World Cup soccer greats. Argentinian football great Diego Maradona played for the “Rest of the World” team, but they still lost to “England”:

Here’s a highlight video of the goals:

We made fun of Wiliams for getting caught smoking last week after he pledged to quit for the sake of his team, but he pulled off a win anyway. This isn’t Williams’ first time working for UNICEF. He’s been a UN Ambassador since 2000.

Singer Robbie Williams told everyone that he quit smoking in order to shape up for the British celebrity soccer tournament, “Soccer Aid.” The Sun reported it on 5/21 as it was real news:

Williams looks pretty gulty to be caught smoking outside the reception for the upcoming game yesterday. He must be more afraid of dealing with withdrawl and gaining weight than letting his team down.

“Soccer Aid” is a fund raiser for UNICEF. Robbie Williams leads the team for England, with the “Rest of the World” team lead by Gordon Ramsay. Teams match ten celebrities with six World Cup soccer greats. Argentinian football great Diego Maradona has joined the “Rest of the World” team. Coverage is on Britain’s ITV (launches automatic sound), and Robbie’s team won the first match last night. The final game airs on Saturday at 7:00 pm

Yesterday we mentioned that Paris hasn’t been spotted with her new boyfriend, NFL quarterback Matt Leinart, since last Wednesday morning when he did the walk of shame outside of her place. There may be a good reason for that - Leinart has supposedly taken flack from his teammates for getting so much press by banging Paris:

The National Ledger has more quotes from the article:

The guy was just recruited by the Arizona Cardinals and he needs to prove himself. His contract details are not known, but his deal is said to be around $12 million. That seems like a lot of money, but he may have lost out on about $10 million more. He was the number 10 draft pick after falling in the rankings by losing a national title game, so he’s probably worried about his football career. He’s obviously taking his teammates seriously and probably won’t be seeing much more of Paris.

Update: video of Paris kissing Leinart at his NFL draft party and trying to sing. She can’t dance, either.

And here are some pictures of Leinart at Arizona Cardinals Minicamp on 5/5/06: