This week’s National Enquirer has a doozy from chatty ex-Gosselin nanny and former Jon Gosselin hookup Stephanie Santoro. Santoro claims that Jon Gosselin did a lot of cocaine that was witnessed by his bodyguard, and that he has a sex tape, which was also screened by the bodyguard. It’s all second hand information, but it sounds likely given the subject. TLC is currently suing Jon for breach of contract after he single-handedly stopped his family’s reality show with the network, their most popular show ever. Jon is countersuing, and alleges that TLC drew up a very restrictive contract that heavily favored the network along with working to limit his outside media opportunities. Part of TLC’s breach of contract claim is that Jon violated the “morals clause” of the contract. Illegal drug use and videotaping sexual activity would definitely fall under that category. Just ask Carrie Prejean how well her lawsuit worked out once her sex tape came to light.

The bodyguard who supposedly witnessed all this has been subpoenaed by TLC in the case against Gosselin. It’s worth mentioning that the sex tape is said to have been taken without Jon’s knowledge and to have been a set up, according to what the bodyguard told the nanny. That could ultimately work in Jon’s favor, but he’s going to get creamed in this lawsuit and in his divorce either way. There’s too much evidence of his multiple affairs:

New bombshell allegations that may cost Jon Gosselin his legal war with TLC AND custody of his beloved children as well!

Jon Gosselin’s day in court could end with him losing his children - due to a sex tape scandal and allegations of cocaine use!

Jon’s bodyguard Thomas Meinelt has been subpoenaed to testify in TLC’s lawsuit against Jon, and The ENQUIRER has learned Meinelt claims he saw Jon snort cocaine many times, and that he’s watched Jon’s secret sex tape!

“Tom told me that Jon was secretly videotaped having sex with a woman in Los Angeles in October, and he’s seen the tape!” said Stephanie Santoro, Jon’s former flame and family nanny.

“Tom said people close to Jon put a camera in his hotel room, and paid a girl to flirt with Jon and have sex with him.

“He also told me that he saw Jon snort cocaine on more than one occasion, and that the more Jon got into partying, the more cocaine he used!”

As The ENQUIRER previously reported, sources say Jon’s on-off GF Hailey Glassman sold and used cocaine while in college.

[From The National Enquirer]

This guy is incredibly stupid and trusts too many people (along with being a massive jerk of course). He’s about to get his ass handed to him and he’ll be left with only visitation with his kids, a bunch of lawyer bills, and jobs showing up to promote stuff, which will dwindle down to nothing once he screws a few up. Good luck dealing with the mess you made, Jon Gosselin. Hope trying to re-live your 20s was worth it.

Jon Gosselin is shown in Hawaii yesterday to attend a friend’s wedding. Credit: Will Binns, PacificCoastNews.com

At this point, I have zero desire to do any kind of background on the sleazy saga, the epic stupidity of the neverending Gosselin drama. If you like reading about them, then you’ve been following their shenanigans. If not, this will all be a pleasant, bewildering surprise to you.

Yesterday, CB reported on In Touch Weekly cover story this week - a piece called “Nanny Admits Affair With John”. The nanny is Stephanie Santoro, and she claimed Jon “seduced” her shortly after he returned from his Paris trip with Hailey Glassman. The basic gist of her tell-all was that they slept together nine times, it wasn’t very good, his seduction technique sucked, and after showing some interest in her for a few days, he then got douchey and paranoid, and treated her like crap. Shocking!

Well, it took Jon less than a day to respond to In Touch’s story, and his lawyer sent his statement (it’s in legalese) to Us Weekly. It’s not really a denial. I think in publicity terms, this is called the “non-denial denial” - that’s where you deny some specific part of a report without actually calling a report total bullsh-t. In this case, Jon calls Santoro’s story “shocking” (my addition: “…and true!”) and then the rest of it is just a threat that Jon is going to sue the hell out of Santoro:

Jon Gosselin’s lawyer is slamming a tabloid story that claims his former nanny Stephanie Santoro slept with Jon nine times at his Pennsylvania home while the kids were sleeping.
“The content of the story is shocking, especially in light of the fact that a non-disclosure agreement purportedly prepared by the production company had been signed by the nanny before she started working with the Gosselin family,” Gosselin’s attorney, Mark J. Heller, tells Usmagazine.com of Santoro’s claims to In Touch.

Santoro says Gosselin asked her for a massage while she was working as a nanny at his home, and the two ended up in a hot tub. According to Santoro, Gosselin told her: “Whatever you do, don’t fall in love with me … because it’s going to be impossible for me not to fall in love with you.”

Us Weekly reported earlier that Gosselin met Santoro when she was a “shooters girl” selling $2 shots at local Pennsylvania hangout Legends Lounge. The two had a sexy sleepover in August.

Santoro isn’t the only woman Gosselin has been linked to since announcing his split from Kate in June.

He recently called Hailey Glassman — the daughter of the plastic surgeon who performed Kate’s free tummy tuck — his “soul mate.” He has also been linked to third grade teacher Deanna Hummel and former tabloid reporter Kate Major.

[From Us Weekly]

I doubt the vague lawsuit threat will ever go anywhere. I mean, I have no problem believing Jon is a big enough a–hole to sue a woman he slept with, who then sold her story. But! I think in the grand scheme of the Gosselin drama, this story isn’t that huge. That being said, the hits keep coming. Stephanie Santoro’s mom Marci gave another interview to Radar, and she’s revealing even more about her daughter’s tryst with Jon (sidenote: if my mom ever gave an interview about my sex life, I would absolutely kill her). Mama Santoro says that Jon told Stephanie she didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant because he had gotten a vasectomy. Mama Santoro says: “I said, ‘Stephanie you don’t need to get pregnant’ and she told me ‘Mom you don’t have to worry about that, he told me he after the sextuplets were born he’d had a vasectomy so I didn’t need to worry about that.’”

Mama Santoro also reveals that after Jon dumped Stephanie, Mama went to Kate Gosselin for a “mom to mom” chat. Gross. Barf. Mama: “She said to me, ‘I’m pretty sure you’re daughter’s a nice girl,’” Santoro recalls of speaking to Kate. “I’m sure she’s not the monster people are making her out to be, but welcome to my world. Anyone who gets involved with Jon Gosselin, this is what happens.’ That’s exactly what she said to me.” Okay, now… I don’t mean to be harsh, but the Santoro women are crazy, yes? Granted, they may be telling the truth, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t batsh-t insane.

It looks like yet another woman has come out of the woodwork with a story of being wooed by father of multiples Jon Gosselin. Instead of freaking out about how Gosselin didn’t follow through on his promises and dumped her ass, Stephanie Santoro is hitting Jon where it hurts. She says that he was pretty lousy in bed the nine times she slept with him, but she gives the poor guy a little slack and adds that he wasn’t the absolute worst. I would like this woman’s style if I didn’t know she f*cked Jon Gosselin. Yesterday we saw an interview on Radar Online with Stephanie’s mustached mom telling us that Jon and Stephanie started hitting the sheets “within a few days of him coming back from France.” Jon’s mating ritual involved inviting Stephanie back to his apartment over the garage and rubbing her back. Santoro’s mom says in a second interview with Radar released today that Jon initially explained his with Hailey Glassman by telling Stephanie he had a business relationship with Hailey through that Jon Hardy clothing line that never materialized. Later, he tried to get Stephanie to tell Hailey that they never slept together.

I wonder what Jon is going to tell “soulmate” Hailey Glassman about this. He claimed the last one, Star reporter Kate Major, was crazy and that was probably true, but what’s wrong with this woman? There has to be something off kilter about her if she willingly bedded Jon, but she’s undoubtedly telling the truth. The details Santoro tells In Touch [via Popeater] about how Jon wooed her made me roll my eyes several times. I wish you could see the look of disgust on my face, but you’ll be making your own faces if you choose to read through this:

Jon Gosselin’s love life is often the center of the rumor mill and tabloid fodder. He now admits having a relationship with Hailey Glassman, but in a new bombshell interview in In Touch magazine (on newsstands Wednesday 9/16) given exclusively to PopEater, Gosselin’s nanny Stephanie Santoro is coming clean about their affair together. She says that despite Jon denying that they were romantically involved, they had a steamy sexual affair, going into seriously (and kinda disturbingly) intimate details.

Santoro, 23, tells In Touch Weekly that their steamy fling began one night with an innocent phone call where Jon asked her to come over. Santoro says that Jon asked if she could give him a massage, and then he was like, ‘my turn.’ While we were sitting there, he said, ‘Well, I guess we can kiss just once.’”

Santoro says that night, Gosselin told her: “Whatever you do, don’t fall in love with me, because it’s going to be impossible for me not to fall in love with you.” The two then made their way to Jon’s hot tub, where Santoro says she “kept looking at the windows” because she was afraid “one of the kids was going to pop their heads out, but he told me to relax.”

She goes on to call Gosselin “very romantic,” saying after they got out of the hot tub, Jon “ran in to make sure all of the kids were asleep, and we went back into the apartment that is over the garage. We continued what was going on in the hot tub, and then he fell asleep afterward.”

After their first hook-up, Santoro says the ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8′ star texted her several times “saying how much he cared about me, and he was being really sincere. He just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t feeling like I was being used. I pretty much spent every night there that entire week. And that’s how our relationship started.”

Santoro then goes into TMI territory about their relationship, saying they had sex “nine times,” and that Gosselin “wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t the best I ever had.”

[From Popeater]

So Santoro must have gotten canned if she’s speaking out like this. Her mom told Radar that Jon first tried to break up with Stephanie by accusing her of using twitter to tell Hailey about their relationship. He also claimed that Twitter officials traced the messages to Stephanie’s computer, which was an obvious bluff. According to Stephanie’s mom, Jon then broke up with Stephanie and accused her of lying, but asked her to call Hailey and tell her they weren’t sleeping together! Then he tried to smooth things over afterwards and get back with Stephanie. What a tool!

Did Jon’s estranged wife Kate have anything to do with Stephanie getting fired or was Jon just trying to get out of this relationship? Kate freaked out when she realized Santoro was alone watching her kids a couple weeks ago, and it looks like her suspicions were correct. This whole story makes me cringe, but I also love how outspoken this woman is. Jon really had it coming for how he played everyone.

In Touch is the magazine that ran an exclusive “I’m Tired of Being Blamed” cover with Gosselin early last month. He didn’t really say much of interest, and this is really good dirt from Santoro. I don’t blame them for changing allegiances.

InTouch cover via CoverAwards