Despite a lot of internet speculation over an unfortunately poufy dress, it appears that Katie Holmes isn’t pregnant after all. At least according to her PR rep, who I have a policy of never believing. I’m pretty sure they’re just paid to come up with a variety of ways to say “No.” If a “No comment” was given, or the always classic “We don’t comment on our clients’ personal lives” (my favorite, because what the hell do you do to earn you fee, Ms. Publicity Rep?) I would hope there was a little wiggle room and in a few months a baby would pop out. But the rep flat-out denied any pregnancy, which leaves me wondering: what the hell are TomKat going to do to stay in the spotlight now? I think it’s time for Tom to go on another Scientology rant. I think this time, he should choose… vegetables. They’re pseudoscience, and they’re bad for you! Anyway, here’s the official denial of another impending TomKitten.

Katie Holmes is the latest victim of the poufy dress pregnancy scare. She sent bloggers buzzing when she wore a high-volume Balenciaga gown at a Berlin airport October 13.

But a rep for the actress, 28, tells Usmagazine.com: “She is not pregnant.” Still, a family insider tells the latest issue of Us, “Katie told me she wants another child with [husband Tom Cruise].

“She talks about it a lot. But I do not know when exactly they plan to have another baby.” For the time being, she has her hands full with her 18-month-old daughter. “Katie treats Suri like her best girlfriend,” a source close to the family tells Us. “Suri is the center of it all.”

[From Us Magazine]

She treats a two year old like her best girlfriend? I don’t know about Katie, but I talk about some pretty inappropriate stuff with my best girlfriend – I doubt I’d tell my two year old how that guy I was dating turned out to be a total jerk. But it’s probably a good idea that Suri finds that out now, since Katie’s boyfriends are likely to pop up in her life from time to time. Oops! Did I say that? I would never accuse Katie Holmes of being Tom Cruise’s beard. That’s a lawsuit right there, is what that is. Either way, I find that comment kind of curious. Does your best girlfriend eat Gerber Graduates? I think not.

Picture note by Jaybird: Header image of Katie in the dress that made everyone speculate she was pregnant on October 13th. Probably not a good idea to wear it again. Splash Photos: Images thanks to Splash Photos.

Oh to be a spoiled little Scientologist! Suri Cruise sounds like she’s got it made – at least for now. According to Us Weekly, the tot almost never hears the word “no.” In Scientology, it’s considered better to explain why actions are wrong. I can’t argue with that – but I think a “no” now and then might be useful, like “No! Don’t lay down in the train tracks!” It might be a little quicker than explaining what the force and weight of a train can do to a body. But that’s just me, and I’m close-minded like that. This article makes it sound like Suri is spoiled, so it’s hard to tell if it’s due to Scientology or overly-doting parents.

“Everyone knows that Suri Cruise, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ adorable little daughter, leads a charmed existence but her upbringing as a Scientologist remains largely a mystery. How does the religion started by L. Ron Hubbard influence Suri’s life on a daily basis? Us Weekly has learned that while Suri — who as a baby was breastfed and nursed on a mixture of barley water, milk and corn syrup which Hubbard advocated as being healthier than formula and breast milk — is too young to take classes at the Scientology Centre, the 18-month-old is constantly surrounded by believers, including her two nannies.

“‘Tom doesn’t like associating with people who aren’t Scientologists,’ says an insider. Additionally, Holmes, 29, and Cruise, 45, have a hard time saying no to Suri. But it’s not simply because they’re pushovers. ‘It’s all about being positive and supportive,’ says the couple’s friend (Hubbard advised parents to ‘try to be the child’s friend.’) As for discipline, one former church member tells Us that Scientologists do not scold their children, but instead explain that bad behavior (like throwing a toy) is the ‘wrong action.’ (A Scientology rep tells Us, ‘How a parent disciplines their child is left up to the parent.’)

“Cruise and Holmes, says their pal, are very lenient and do not like to give Suri too many rules: ‘Suri pretty much does whatever she wants, whenever she wants. If she fusses before bed, they let her stay up later. If they want her to go swimming and she cries, they’ll take her out. If she whines about food, they’ll ask her what else she wants to eat. They always want to please her.’”

[From Us Weekly]

Ooooohhh, Tom and Katie are such bad parents. They want to make their kid happy! I’m kidding, that’s a pretty natural inclination. On the one hand you want to be firm, and on the other you want your kid to like you. I can’t help but wonder if L Ron Hubbard would have the same ideas about parents being their children’s friend if he’d seen the way Lindsay Lohan turned out. Yeah, when your parent/friend snorts coke with you, you may have blurred the lines a bit.

What are some other scientology pearls of wisdom regarding child rearing? Here’s a recap of what Celebitchy wrote a year ago:

“In yet another disturbing chapter of the TomKat saga, Mike Wallace of the National Enquirer reports that Scientologists plan to commandeer Katie’s baby for three days after its birth. What’s more, the baby will be isolated for a day after it’s born. Despite reports that she’s spending 8 hours a day being indoctrinated into Scientology, Katie has come to her senses and is questioning this counter-intuitive practice:

“furious KATIE HOLMES warned fiancé/daddy-to-be TOM CRUISE that she’ll absolutely refuse to allow Scientologists to commandeer her newborn at birth for what their church calls “Processing a New Mother” – a bizarre ritual which involves separating mother and child for three days, allowing only minimal contact! As her time approaches, sources say, Katie’s becoming hysterical over the idea that her baby will be controlled by the sect’s handlers from the moment he/she enters the world. In a raging confrontation, Katie told Tom she flatly rejects Scientology’s edict that newborns should be left totally alone for the entire first day after birth.

“Any human who’s not brainwashed would agree that it’s harmful and cruel to leave a newborn baby alone at any time, especially on its first day in the world. It’s also quite difficult, if not impossible, to breastfeed if you don’t start up within the first three days after birth. This is wrong for so many reasons.”

Want to know some other freaky stuff? If you’re a Scientologist and your kid trips over the root of a tree and hurts himself, you’re supposed to take the kid back to the tree and press the root against the injury, and give the pain back to the root. True story.

“Parents are encouraged not to comfort or nurture young children because Hubbard believed children are small adults, able to think and fend for themselves from a very early age. For example, a child who falls and hurts himself is taken to the place where he was hurt and the injury is pressed against the object that caused it. It is believed the pain can be made to flow back into the object.

“‘That’s called a contact assist,’ Teresa Summers said. ‘There is also a fever assist. We were discouraged from seeking medical help or giving medication, even Tylenol, to bring down a fever. Instead, you get the child to hold an object still. That’s supposed to bring down the fever. When it doesn’t work, it’s because you aren’t doing it right or didn’t repeat it often enough. I tried it on my child. Naturally, it didn’t work.’”

[From the New York Post]

Good luck Suri!

I love Queen Latifah. She’s just got such a positive energy to her, even if she does pick some crappy movies (ahem, “Taxi” and “Bringing Down the House.” For shame, Queen Latifah, for shame). Queen Latifah has finished filming “Mad Money,” a comedy about three women bank robbers with Katie Holmes and Diane Keaton. Yeah, doesn’t exactly sound like a winner. It’s Holmes’ first role since hooking up with Tom Cruise. Way to choose wisely. Turns out the Queen became pretty protective of Katie and baby Suri.

“Queen Latifah didn’t exactly turn into a ragin’ Cajun while in Louisiana shooting Mad Money, but she wasn’t thrilled with the overzealous paparazzi on the hunt for pics of her costar Katie Holmes and baby Suri. ‘There would be photographers trying to get real close, so you just sort of get protective, especially when someone has a baby,’ Latifah says of their time shooting in Shreveport. ‘I don’t know if it’s a woman thing, but we watched out for her.’

“Mad Money, a comedy about three women (Latifah, Holmes and Diane Keaton) who plot to rob the Federal Reserve Bank, is Holmes’ first acting gig since hooking up with Tom Cruise. It’s due to hit theaters in January. Despite being one of the most photographed women in the world, Latifah says Holmes couldn’t have been more real: ‘She’s cool. She’s really down to earth.’”

[From E! News]

Somehow that movie just seems like a bad idea for all involved. I really can’t even begin to figure out how Diane Keaton figures into it. Latifah was awesome in “Chicago” but seems to have more bad films lined up – she’s remaking “All of Me,” originally starring Lily Tomlin as a dying woman who accidentally transfers her soul to her lawyer, Steve Martin. Seems fraught with dumb humor, but who knows. If nothing else, Latifah is good at putting her own spin on things. She’s currently traveling, promoting her new album “Trav’lin Light.” Asked what she misses most about being away from home, she said she missed riding her motorcycle, which she can’t bring on tour. And apparently, she’s not worried about being followed by the paparazzi. “‘They can’t keep up with me. I lose them in a couple of minutes.’”

Picture Note by Jaybird: Here’s Queen Latifah performing with the cast of “Hairspray” on July 20th. Inset of Katie Holmes with Suri in Berlin this past summer. Images thanks to PR Photos.

There was a rumor that originated in ever-reliable Life & Style Magazine this week that little maybe 16-month-old Suri Cruise was offered a lucrative modeling gig as the new infant face of Baby Gap. JayBird covered that story here, and Life & Style had Tom and Katie turning down the offer and choosing to stage their own photo ops for the toddler.

The story was repeated, changed and unsourced by ExtraTV, SFGate, and Digital Spy, among others and in the gossip telephone game it became changed to suit the hearers’ wishes. Suri was suddenly set to model khakis and romper wear in a national campaign.

Tom Cruise’s people say there’s no truth to the rumor that Suri will be modeling for Baby Gap, but they fail to mention if they were approached about it. I like to think that part of the story is true:

A rep for Tom Cruise is denying reports that his youngest daughter is going to be the new face of Baby Gap.

The rumor is “totally untrue,” according to the actor’s publicist.

Reports surfaced on Wednesday that Suri had signed a lucrative contract with the kids clothing company.

[From US Weekly]

US Weekly also points out Suri’s eventful summer, mentioning that she’s been all over the globe from Louisiana to the South of France, Italy, and Germany. While Brad and Angelina are always getting flap for bringing their four children along with them around the world, no one ever mentions how little jet-setting Suri gets moved around a lot too. Maybe that’s because she’s younger and doesn’t have any siblings yet.

Suri Cruise is the kind of toddler that’s so cute, she makes child-haters want to have babies. Suri’s done a good job of stealing the attention away from her parents, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. Of course she’s got more personality than either of Xenu’s golden children – and unlike her father, when Suri jumps up and down on a couch, it’s cute, not creepy. Apparently others have taken notice, and she’s been offered a modeling gig by the Baby Gap. That would be just about the cutest thing ever.

“Is Tom and Katie’s baby Suri Cruise set to model? There is a buzz already that she was the model for the baby that is on the Downy box. The buzz earlier was this, ‘Look, it’s just an innocent box of Downy fabric softener. But when you look closer, doesn’t the Downy baby kind of look like Suri Cruise?’

”A rep for Downy says no way but it appears that the Baby Gap has noticed according to a report from Life & Style Weekly. But with their trip to Berlin it’s apparent that the adorable tot is starting to get more attention than her parents Tom Cruise and the fabulous Katie Holmes.

“An insider says Baby Gap even asked Tom and Katie if Suri could star in a campaign. So – is baby Suri going Hollywood? No way, the parents have declined the offer.”

[From the National Ledger]

That sucks! I mean, I respect your decision as good parents. I’m sorry, but that little kid is so cute it’s not fair to keep her from the public. People speculate over whether she’s really genetically Tom Cruise’s child (I think she’s starting to look like him in the eyes, so I’m going to say yes) and whether he and Katie really conceived Suri naturally or if she’s a test tube baby. I couldn’t care less, wherever that baby came from, I want to order up half a dozen. If there’s a vial of her sitting in a lab somewhere, I think it should be made available to the general population.

In news that doesn’t make me sound quite so creepy, Tom and Katie took Suri to the Berlin Zoo this weekend. Tom is looking a little better lately (less bloated)… Katie is looking a little worse, but being around Tom Cruise all the time has got to wear on a girl.

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Suri with Tom and Katie at the Berlin Zoo on August 11th. The beach photos are old, but they’re so cute I had to post them. Images thanks to WENN.