Yesterday we heard the advance news that Katie Holmes (aka Tom Cruise and the butt hurt Scientology goons) were planned to sue the parent company of Star Magazine for $50 million in damages over a misleading recent cover story that suggested that Holmes had a drug problem. The story inside the magazine focused on how addicting and mind-altering Scientology “treatments” can be, and that was probably the root of Cruise’s issue with the piece. The lawsuit has happened, and Katie’s rep has issued a statement that the cover was misleading and that it was “malicious” and played “a cheap trick on the public.”

Katie Holmes is no longer sitting idly as the tabloids write lies about her. The actress has filed a libel lawsuit seeking $50 million in damages from Star magazine after the weekly published a cover story that insinuated Holmes is a drug addict.

“Of all the fabricated stories that continue to be published about me, this instance is beyond the pale. The publisher knew this outrageous story was false and printed it anyway to sell magazines,” Holmes told PopEater in a statement.

The cover photo shows Holmes looking tired and upset, with the tagline: “Addiction Nightmare: Katie Drug Shocker! The real reason she can’t leave Tom.” Inside the issue, the story does not say that Holmes uses drugs but focuses more on her use of an “e-meter” during Scientology sessions, which allegedly reflects past emotional experiences.

The lawsuit alleges that Holmes was defamed by the tabloid. According to her rep, Holmes was forced to file this lawsuit “to vindicate her reputation after American Media refused to retract its vicious lies about her.”

“Star Magazine’s malicious claims about Katie are untrue, unethical and unlawful. Not only do they cruelly defame Katie, they play a cheap trick on the public, making ridiculously false claims on the cover unsupported by anything inside. Someone should bring a class action to get all buyers their money back,” Holmes’ attorney Bert Fields said in an official statement.

In order to prove libel in U.S. courts, the plaintiff must prove defamation occurred and that injury to their reputation happened as a result.

Star Magazine is standing by their cover story, telling PopEater: “We have not been served with any papers yet, however Star fully stands behind the editorial integrity of what we have published concerning Ms. Holmes’ controversial use of the Scientology e-meter. The physical effect of the e-meter on its users is a matter of significant public concern, and we plan to vigorously defend the suit filed by Ms. Holmes. Our attorneys look forward to deposing Ms. Holmes about her experiences with Scientology and the e-meter, and expect that the case will be promptly dismissed by the court.”

Holmes and Cruise are frequently featured in the magazine with headlines suggesting that the actress is unhappy and wants out of her marriage.

Back in 2008, the actress reveled she was fed up with the tabloid lies being printed about her family. “I do know what is being said in the press. This is my family, and I do care about them. The stories are not OK. It eats away at me. Some of the crap that’s out there — it’s really frustrating the amount of s**t that’s out there!” she told Vanity Fair magazine.

[From Popeater]

This lawsuit is not going to go anywhere and Star is already pretty bold in their response to it. In Touch made much worse claims about David Beckham’s proclivity for hookers but his suit was recently thrown out because they couldn’t prove In Touch did it with malice. As I mentioned yesterday, Katie’s people (Tom’s) just want to send out a message that they don’t tolerate this and that it’s not true. What’s more is that they don’t want the tabloids using Tom and Katie’s celebrity to get the word out about how damaging Scientology can be.

Katie Holmes is shown at the MaxMara show in Milan on 2/24/11 with her mom. Credit: Fame

Katie Holmes is reportedly set to sue Star Magazine for a cover story they ran on her last month with the title “Addiction Nightmare: Katie Drug Shocker.” We covered that story, which just claimed that Katie was addicted to the Scientology cult’s auditing sessions with a crude lie detector called an “e-meter.” Former Scientologists told Star that treatments could be addicting in a way that mimicked drug addiction. As I mentioned back then, I think Star took the wrong angle on the story, because there are plenty more scary, terrible, mind-altering things that Scientology does to members that they could have focused on. Scientology basically stripped Nicole Kidman from access to her children and if Katie leaves Tom she probably fears she’d lose custody of Suri. That angle has been played out by the tabloids, though, so they had to find a new one.

Katie’s rep told The Wrap that she’s about to take out a lawsuit again American Media, the parent company that owns Star:

Katie Holmes is expected to file a libel lawsuit in federal court on Tuesday seeking $50 million in damages from American Media Inc., owner of Star magazine, TheWrap has learned.

The actress and wife of Tom Cruise is furious that the tabloid ran a cover that she considers deliberately defamatory, suggesting that she used drugs, according to her representative who spoke to TheWrap….

“The cover is libellous no matter what they say inside the magazine,” said the representative.

The tabloid frequently targets Holmes and Cruise as fodder for the celebrity gossip mill, most often suggesting that their marriage is in trouble, they’re about to separate, and Holmes is miserable.

In the past, Star has lamented Holmes’ “tortured life.” In October, the tabloid said that the couple’s “marriage contract collapses.”

To prove libel is difficult in U.S. courts. The plaintiff must prove defamation occurred, and that injury to their reputation happened as a result.

[From The Wrap via We Smirch]

I doubt this will be successful at all. It’s notoriously hard to successfully sue a tabloid in America for damages and celebrities rarely do it because it’s not worth the trouble. Katie and Tom’s people are going after Star to try and get them to stop running stories on them.

In October they ran “Tom & Katie: Broken Home – Marriage Deal Falls Apart”

In November it was Suri & Shiloh “Nannies Tell All”

In December it was “Separated: Fed Up Katie Leaving Tom”

A couple of weeks ago they ran “FBI Probe: Tearing Tom and Katie Apart”

Katie and Tom are hoping that Star and other tabloids get the message that they’re not to be messed with. Lawsuits are a common tactic of the very litigious Scientology cult and are often meant to harass anyone that dares question them or their illegal practices. I’m surprised these two haven’t filed a lawsuit sooner. That’s not to say that Star has the right to run misleading cover stories about Katie and Tom or their family, just that it’s hard to sue over it in the US. Maybe TomKat should take a hint from Brad and Angelina and sue a British tabloid first. Suits against tabloids in the UK seem to have a higher success rate.

Update: Tom Cruise successfully sued a gay porn actor for $10 million in 2001 after the man claimed he had an affair with Cruise. It’s unknown whether Cruise has ever collected and the man claimed he didn’t have the money anyway. Cruise also successfully sued The Daily Express, a British publication, in England in 1998 for a story claiming his marriage with Nicole Kidman was a sham. He accepted undisclosed damages for that story. Cruise has never sued a US tabloid from what I can find, although he did threaten to sue a publication called The Beast in 2004 for calling him one of the most loathsome people of the year.

OK! Magazine runs with a Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds cover this week, which is bolstered by the sheer number of photos together and quotes about each other they gave while promoting The Proposal. There are a couple of details in the story that seem new to me, or maybe I wasn’t paying enough attention because I can’t see these two as anything more than friends. OK! reports that “After a night of dancing, [Sandra and Ryan] shared a midnight kiss, a champagne toast and left the restaurant together at 2 a.m., according to witnesses.” See, that sounds like more to me than just two recently single friends hanging out. If they’re together, I doubt that Sandra homewrecked Ryan’s relationship and it sounds like something that naturally developed out of Ryan’s recent breakup. I think he’s an ass, but I really like these two together! It’s just like that cheesy romcom that Betty White saved. Here’s more from OK!

A source confirms that Sandra, 46, invited the newly single Ryan, 34, and he quickly accepted. “Sandra planned all along to spend New Year’s at the restaurant with friends,” says the insider. “And she was thrilled that Ryan accepted her invitation to join in.”

They turned to each other in their time of need – Sandra had been talking to heartbroken Ryan on the phone to console him after his recent split from Scarlett. And she obviously has the healing touch.

The co-stars were friends even before teaming up to film their hit movie The Proposal in 2008. “I met Sandra through my producing partner about 11 years ago, and we’ve been good friends ever since,” says Ryan. “I never thought we’d do a film together, but it worked out.” In fact, they quickly became such good friends that Ryan says, “We vacation together.”

“I always say that chemistry is something impossible to manufacture,” he says. “The fact that you’re friends doesn’t necessarily equate to great chemistry. So we learned early on that we had it and I was so grateful for that. It’s like one of the few magical things about film that still exists. here’s no way to manipulate that. It’s either there magically or it’s not…”

The eyewitness adds that Sandra and Ryan sat next to each other throughout the evening. “By the way Sandra was glued to Ryan’s every word, they sure seem to be taken with each other.

“It was great to see Sandra laughing and having fun, and Ryan did a great job helping her relax and enjoy herself…”

The duo is set to reunite onscreen once again in Most Wanted, an action-comedy that follows a criminal (Sandra) being escorted to court by a U.S. Marshal (Ryan), when they’re ambushed and forced to go on the run. It’s telling that Sandra chose working with Ryan as her first project since winning a Best Actress Oscar – and losing her husband.

[From OK! Magazine, print edition, January 17, 2011]

Now that I’m finally reporting on this story, it makes me giddy. I want to see them become a couple and raise Louis together and live happily every after. Yes Ryan is a royal jerk, but I really think he changed when he got locked in a box to film that movie that no one saw. He saw a life where he wasn’t the center of everything and where he could find love in the arms of a beautiful older unassuming costar, instead of the vapid younger starlet he married.

Who am I kidding? OK made up this story based on the known fact that Sandra and Ryan spent New Years together. Her rep of course said they were “nothing more than friends.” Just like they were friends and coworkers at the beginning of The Proposal.

Update: US Magazine has these two on the cover this week as well, with the title “It’s On!” The teaser article on their site quotes an insider who allegedly saw them on New Year’s Eve. “They were very playful… smiling the whole time and occasionally touching…What a hot — and quick — rebound for both of them!”

Photo credit: WENN.com US Weekly cover via CoverAwards

I wanted to report on the National Enquirer’s “Angie’s violent rages at Shiloh” cover story complete with a photo of a crying Shiloh and the subtitle “The screaming and slapping.” The “slapping” is a photo of Maddox looking like he’s about to smack his brother Pax at the airport (photo here) while Angelina is clearly telling them to knock it off. The “screaming” is Shiloh having a tantrum, and I think most of us moms know that happens. As for Angelina’s “violent rages” the Enquirer doesn’t even suggest that she abuses her kids or is in any way violent, just that she loses her temper and gets annoyed when her kids act out. The only concrete example they have is her telling Shiloh to “get it together.” I know it’s typical of the Enquirer to run bait and switch covers to move copies, but since this one implies abuse I think it’s really uncalled for. Here are the relevant excerpts:

“Angie’s nerves are frayed and she’s at her breaking point,” an insider told the Enquirer.

“Angie is trying to be the perfect mom who effortlessly juggles six kids, a hectic film schedule, humanitarian work and constant globe-trotting.

“But it’s not easy. Behind closed doors, she can be very impatient and have a hair-trigger temper. Sometimes Angie snaps and unleashes a torrent of fury on the often unruly kids…”

While recently in Paris… an overstressed Angelina unloaded on Shiloh after the blonde tomboy threw a temper tantrum. It was planned as a fun, carefree girls-only day at the Aquarium de Paris on Nov. 30, but fussy Shiloh pushed Angie to her breaking point.

“On the ride over, the usually carefree Shiloh was whiny and belligerent,” revealed the insider.

“The kids’ sleeping schedules are out of whack from constant travel and trying to adjust to different time zones, so Shiloh was worn out…”

The actress was teetering on the bring of a meltdown when her minivan pulled up to a side entrance of the aquarium with a misbehaving Shiloh.

“A fed up Angie growled at her daughter, ‘Get it together – NOW,’” said the insider.

“Angie wanted to make a picture perfect exit from the car, but Shiloh was being disagreeable. A few minutes later as they came out of the van, Shiloh looked like she had been crying.

“She is the most sensitive of the kids, and she’s also daddy’s little girl. While Brad always coddles her, Angie is far more stern.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, December 20, 2010]

That’s it? Are you kidding me? Angelina told Shiloh to “get it together” and that’s a “violent rage”? Photos of that Aquarium drop off are here, and Angie looks pissed but Shiloh looks fine. The article goes on to say that their house is chaotic and “it is as if the kids are always kicking, punching, slapping and screaming at one another. With Maddox and Pax as the alpha dogs of the brood, fighting and roughhousing are the norm.” They also state that Brad is “calm and collected” and “always picks up the pieces after Angie’s rampages.” There is no other example of Angie’s alleged temper other than those two incidents, one where she told Shiloh to get it together and another where she told Maddox not to smack Pax. (Both have mild photographic ‘evidence’ as shown in the story.)

Here’s what I think – The Enquirer has a photo of Shiloh crying for whatever reason (kids cry) and another photo of Maddox looking like he’s playfully smacking Pax. (Kids act out.) Angie looks annoyed and fed up, as any mom with six kids would be. This article is all speculation and filling in the blanks, and they’re making normal kid stuff sound ominous while playing on the perception that Angie is a nasty out of control person behind closed doors. I doubt they know more than anyone else about her. Even in these allegations, there’s nothing “violent” suggested.

Here are photos of Angelina out with the kids in NY on 12/7/10. Credit: Fame Pictures. Header via CoverAwards

Kaiser and I have been lamenting the lack of decent gossip this week. We’ve seen plenty of slow gossip stretches in our time, but this one seems particularly surreal. I’ve been watching more television to have something to report on, not that I mind it at all. It’s Kaiser’s theory that everyone blew their attention span on Lindsay late last week and she’s been sucking the gossip dry ever since. I agree, and now we’re all being subjected to the Lindsay void. Take a look at this week’s tabloid covers. They’re really boring, aren’t they? I mean, who cares about that Bachelor guy, why do we have to hear more fake Kardashian baby news, and didn’t we already read all about John Travolta’s alleged gay affairs a month ago?

The main thing I notice about these covers is that Lindsay Lohan’s brief re-incarceration and trainwreck downward spiral rate no covers whatsoever and only one sidebar. The Kardashians, old news, a “Teen mom,” Oprah and Brad Womack rate higher than Lindsay and her story is sort-of compelling. She got a sidebar on People on that’s it! There’s nothing else on any other tabloid cover. Now it’s possible that Lindsay’s news keeps breaking and the tabloids were afraid that if they ran a story on Lindsay it would be old news by the time it ran. That hasn’t stopped them in the past though, and it points to the fact that Lindsay just doesn’t sell anymore. People know all about it and they aren’t interested in hearing much more.

Kaiser also pointed me to this pretty interesting piece on Gawker rating the tabloids on accuracy. They reviewed pregnancy, engagement, breakup, marriage, engagement, and adoption reports over the past 20 months in Us Weekly, Star, Life & Style, In Touch, and OK! Their findings are almost as I expected – US Weekly is the most reliable at 59% overall accuracy (which is still low) followed by Life & Style, In Touch, OK! and Star. I thought that In Touch would be higher than Life & Style, but according to Gawker that’s not the case. Check out their handy graph for an overview.

Gawker also made a very incredible composite image of all the fake Brangelina covers over several years. Again, credit to Gawker for this one and it’s impressive to see them all put together.

Tabloid covers from coverawards via ONTD

OK! Magazine is running yet another “exclusive” non-interview Jennifer Aniston cover story. In this one, they claim that Jen declares “I’m back with John!” that “she’s still in love with him,” “he’s ready to start a family” and we’ll hear the details “inside their secret romantic nights at the Ritz.” The inset photo of Jen and John on the cover is an old one, from back in the summer of 2008.

OK!’s story is one we heard over a week ago, about how Aniston and Mayer hooked up in Atlanta when he was stopped there on tour. They add some alleged details and insider quotes, with a “pal” insisting that “she’s still hopelessly in love with him.” The “friend” goes on to add that “Jen feels it was actually John who was the love of her life and the one who got away.” Here’s part of OK!’s story:

On Sept. 7, Jen had a secret romantic rendezvous with a man from her past – one who had broken her heart – John Mayer.

The A-listers spent two evenings together – the first in the presidential suite of the Ritz-Carlton in Atlanta, ordering room service and drinking Perrier-Jouet champagne and pots of Berry Wellness organic tea. The next night, Jen snuck backstage at John’s concert wearing workout clothes and a baseball cap to hide her famous mane, hoping she wouldn’t be recognized. Afterward, the couple went back to Jen’s suite at The Ritz-Carlton.

“I know Jen had to work the next day, so it wasn’t hours and hours in bed, but she was there,” a pal close to Jen confirms to OK! of the actress, who was in Atlanta filming Wanderlust. (John was in town on tour.) “It went so well, there will be more coming…

“She claims they’re just friends, but the truth is that she’s still hopelessly in love with him… it’s ironic, because the rumors about her past always come back to her and [Brad Pitt]. But Jen feels it was actually John who was the love of her life and the one who got away…

“Jennifer’s been bored to tears with the men she’s been seeing…”

“Everyone’s been tell Jen John’s bad news and she needs to cut him out of her life completely,” says one insider.

Admits another friend of the actress: “I’m shocked that she’s chosen to touch base with him again, I really am…

“I’ve never seen her give anyone a second chance. This is very out of character for her. But she must have good reason to finish out what she and John started…

But now, over the course of several long phone conversations, John has convinced her that he “hadn’t been dating, that he’d given up one-night stands and hooking up with groupies and was done mouthing off to the press about his private life.” (So far, he’s lived up to his end – when asked about a renewed romance, John’s camp demurred, saying: “Although the two remain friends, there’s no truth to any of these rumors.” Jen’s reps deny it, too.)

But John is now apparently ready to settle down and start a family. As OK! previously reported, Jen is ready for kids, too. “John has played the field and led the rock star lifestyle for long enough now,” an insider tells OK!. “He’s gotten it all out of his system and wants to settle down with a girl who can be his best friend. There’s nobody out there who got him like Jen did – they shared a deep emotional connection and a fantastic sex life.”

[From OK! Magazine, print edition, October 4, 2010]

OK! claims that John and Jen’s meeting was “the first time the stars have been together in more than a year.” Assuming they did hook up at a hotel a couple of weeks ago, it could have been just some friendly ex sex. We haven’t heard much about them since although maybe they’re laying low.

It’s hard to tell if this is spin from her PR people or some creative storytelling from OK! Given the way OK! has declared her pregnant multiple times, I’m thinking it’s straight from them. Still, it’s suspicious that they’re painting John as a changed man and making it sound like he deserves another chance. That’s like setting us up for a reunion. If they are getting back together, we’re sure to know about it pretty soon. If that’s the case, and that’s a big “if,” John will bolt again soon.

Photo below of Aniston from 8/16/10. Mayer is shown performing on 9/11/10 in West Palm Beach, CA. Get a haircut! Credit: WENN.com

So now that it’s known that Jamie Lynn Spears is back with the father of her baby, Casey Aldridge, and that Britney is still with her longterm boyfriend, Jason Trawick, OK! is running with a creative cover claiming that Britney is trying to convince Jamie Lynn to throw a “lavish double wedding” with her. I had the chance to read the article, and the cover really isn’t misleading as far as what OK! claims inside. The title is a little off, “Inside Jamie Lynn & Britney’s Double Wedding,” but the description on the cover is accurate that the story is about Britney trying to convince Jamie Lynn to have a fairy tale double wedding. Supposedly Britney and Jamie Lynn were fantasizing about their dream weddings and possibly having them at the same time, and now Britney wants to make it a reality. It could all be b.s., of course, but I can imagine Britney wanting a huge wedding along with her sister. OK! also offers a lot of reasons why this would be useful for Britney in terms of revamping her image and career. They also claim that Britney’s beau Jason is ready to propose, which of course we’ve heard many times before. Here are some relevant quotes from the article:

According to an insider, Britney, 28, was half-joking about creating “a huge, over-the-top Hollywood affair” at first. But when the two couples went back to her Calabasas, Calif., home, the sisters couldn’t stop talking about it. “They were trying to top each other with crazy things they could do – like arrive in a horse-dram carriage,” says the insider. “Their kids… would be ring bearers and the flower girl…

“Britney even suggest she and Jamie Lynn walk each other down the aisle…

“It’s to show how close she and Jamie Lynn are, and how much they are there for each other.

“A lot of it is crazy stuff, but Britney is also just crazy enough to put the plans in motion.”

Britney’s boyfriend of more than a year, Jason, 38, liked the ideas, too. “Britney and Jason are on the verge of announcing an engagement,” says a source. “They’re both ready to make that commitment and know they want to spend the rest of their lives together…

“Jason said it would be bigger than a royal wedding, and Britney’s eyes lit up,” recalls the insider. “She loves the idea of being back on top, being respected and in the media for positive reasons. A Spears-girls double wedding would be a huge attention-getter. The media would be all over it. She’d probably sell the rights for millions and split it with Jamie. It could be very profitable for both of them…

“Jason is all about stability and image. He tells Britney that if she settles down – i.e. marries him – and acts like a grown-up, a good wife and mother, her career will come back.”

[From OK! Magazine, print edition, September 6, 2010]

The article doesn’t have much in the way of Jamie Lynn’s reunion with Casey, but we know that they’re tentatively back together, which seems to be confirmed by all the happy photos of them and their two year-old daughter, Maddie, on Casey’s Twitpic account. It’s not a bad idea for Britney and Jamie Lynn to have a double wedding, even if it it’s OK!’s idea and not their own. They would certainly make a lot of money on the photo rights, as OK! points out, and it would do wonders for both of their images and careers in the short term. There’s the pesky issue of getting married to those two guys they each have well documented problems with, including breakups and cheating allegations. It would be for the best if they tried to work on their individual relationships for a while before making them legal. This double wedding should remain a fantasy for the forseeable future.

Britney and Jason were photographed together on the beach in Hawaii recently. Whatever is going on with them, they’re maintaining some really awesome physiques.

Photos are of Britney and Jason on 8/22. Credit: Fame Pictures. Jamie Lynn and Casey are shown in undated photos from Twitpic posted about three weeks ago. There’s also a picture of Maddie from June.

Kate Gosselin has earned her second OK! cover in three weeks with this latest “10 pounds in 10 days” story. I thought we were on our way to being rid of her, but like the Kardashians she just keeps popping up and using her sad personal life to promote something. Two weeks ago Kate earned an OK! cover with the news that she might date again and now she’s bragging about her fast weight loss. Many of us want to shed pounds fast for summer but I doubt there are few desperate enough to take advice from Kate Gosselin. Still, I spotted 3 people with that old beaver haircut of hers while traveling through the south over the weekend so she must have some influence.

Here’s OK!’s teaser story, complete with an all-caps reminder to check out the issue:

Mother of eight Kate Gosselin has her sexiest, most toned body at age 35 — and she’s feeling great about it! After she got voted off Dancing With the Stars on April 20 and returned home to Wernersville, Pa., Kate was concerned she’d lose the tone she’d worked so hard for. So she stepped up her workouts, began running a hilly 4-mile course three times a week and honed her eating plan to make her body leaner.

“Kate has kicked her routine into overdrive. Dancing With the Stars set her in motion, but she’s now even thinner than she was on the show,” says an insider.

FOR MORE ON KATE’S NEW ROUTINE AND HOW SHE SHED THE WEIGHT, PICK UP THE NEW ISSUE OF OK! — ON SALE EVERYWHERE THURSDAY! PLUS! JON’S MAKING CHANGES TOO!

[From OK! Magazine]

I don’t care how skinny Kate gets, I don’t want to look like her. I don’t see how people find her attractive at all. Getting back to the story, it’s just not healthy to lose 10 pounds in 10 days. I’ve mentioned before that I’ve done it with a lot of exercise and healthy eating, but it never lasts for me and the weight loss ends up evening out to about 2-3 pounds a week anyway. It’s more realistic and sustainable to lose weight gradually.

Meanwhile Kate went out running wearing only a sports bra and alerted the paparazzi to capture her surgically enhanced spraytan abs. US Weekly has the photo and asks if her abs are airbrushed on. They quote experts who conclude that it’s a lot of hard work along with an even spray tan. It doesn’t matter how buff Kate Gosselin gets, she’ll still have her personality to overshadow whatever budget look she’s able to achieve.

There is so much news about the Vienna Girardi and Jake Pavelka breakup that it’s making me think these fools are lucky for splitting in the summer when there’s a gossip lull. I’m also thinking that they could be the new Heidi and Spencer, but with the facade of (relative) mental health. To recap: Vienna and Jake broke up after just a few months together. He proposed to her on the Bachelor this season and then they did a media tour proclaiming their undying love and connection to each other. Now that they’ve inevitably split, there’s this strange feeding frenzy for news on a couple that you would assume no one cares about. They each seem to be lobbing accusations at the other, with Jake accusing Vienna of cheating and Vienna declaring to Star that Jake refused to have sex with her for months. There have been so many stories on these idiots in the past 24 hours that I don’t know where to start. It’s worth noting that they’ve earned the covers of at least two tabloids this week and will be on both Star and US Weekly. (There could be more, as I haven’t yet seen all the tabloids.)

Apparently while Jake was away filming his big break guest spot on a cable show called Drop Dead Diva, Vienna hooked up with another dude just this Saturday, a TV actor from the show Greek, at an event. Then she was accused of cheating, for which she’s earned the cover of US Weekly (which is not online yet, but I saw it on a video on Access Hollywood). Vienna denied that she cheated, and the guy she hooked up with issued a statement claiming she told him that it was long over with Jake. Then either Jake or Vienna broke it off, with some sources claiming it was Jake and others that it was Vienna who did the dumping.

Now Vienna is speaking out to Star and has somehow earned the damn cover. She tells Star that “Jake’s a Monster,” they haven’t had sex for months, that he joked around about her sick dog, etc. Couldn’t Star have just recycled another cover about Brad and Angelina fighting?

The Bachelor’s Vienna Girardi has ended her engagement with Jake Pavelka, but only Star has the reason behind the split — straight from Vienna herself!

In the July 5 issue of Star — on sale tomorrow — we have a world exclusive interview with Vienna, which took place hours before she packed up her belongings in the Los Angeles apartment she shared with Jake and left behind a goodbye letter that was so heartbreaking to pen she was “just bawling the entire time.”

In an intense, emotional conversation filled with lots of tears, the 24-year-old Florida native tells Star that during their first month together they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, they soon developed major intimacy issues.

“We haven’t been intimate in months now,” Vienna reveals. “More than four months. At first his excuse was that he was fasting. The second excuse was that he didn’t feel like it. And the third excuse was that he said that he felt that I wouldn’t understand that he wants to wait until marriage, even though I told him I’d support him. Then the last excuse was that we fight so much that I push him away. I was like, really — which excuse is it? I literally have been living six months with this guy who won’t be intimate with me!”

But in public, it was a whole different ball game!

“He kisses me only if we’re on a red carpet or if cameras are there,” she says. “Besides that, I have to ask for a kiss — and if I do he’ll pucker his lips and just peck me. I’m like, that’s how I kiss my grandmother!”

[From Star Magazine]

In that video on Access Hollywood I mentioned earlier, they have footage of Jake enthusing about how much passion he has in his relationship with Vienna. So did he withhold sex as a punishment when their relationship was having trouble, was he not into her, or is he chaste/prude/into guys? Do we even care? Why the hell do these people rate the covers of magazines? I’m really getting fed up with these do-nothing reality stars dominating the gossip. I shouldn’t complain so much, though, because they’re fun to mock and if they didn’t exist we wouldn’t have enough to gossip about all day. Gossip sites like ours helped create these fools.

Update: Tabloid saturation
So Jake and/or Vienna are on the cover of US Weekly and Star as mentioned above and those have been released. Jake also earned the cover of People with his claims that he doesn’t trust Vienna. You can do so much better, People! For Star and US, I guess we can’t expect too much. Thanks to CoverAwards for the covers below.

Photos are from April and May. You can tell from older photos that she’s had a nosejob. Credit: WENN.com

Given all we know about Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, it’s easy to conclude that they both have mental health issues, to put it kindly. Heidi suffers from body dysmorphic disorder and is searching for elusive self worth through ever increasing amounts of plastic surgery, with the result that she looks like a lopsided cartoon. Spencer is unable to get along with anyone and has admitted to spending $500,000 on crystals, basically all of his money, in order to achieve some kind of cosmic harmony. Heidi has also hired and fired a psychic as her manager.

The latest cover of US Weekly declares that Heidi has been “brainwashed” by Spencer and that friends and family worry they’ll “lose her forever.” First of all, that would mean that she had a brain to wash, and that she wasn’t already lost to her friends and family. US Weekly doesn’t have that full story online, but there’s a teaser and a related article about a recent episode of The Hills. In response to Heidi’s mom’s criticism of her daughter’s extensive plastic surgery, Spencer spit back in a statement on last night’s show “She’s not God. She didn’t make Heidi. She’s just a vagina!” That’s priceless. US is also reporting that Spencer and Heidi will most likely not be asked back to tape the final episode of The Hills. They haven’t been on set since mid April.

As for Heidi’s “brainwashing,” US’ website tells us to pick up the article for the details. “For more – including how Heidi hasn’t spoken to her mom since the premiere; how Spencer has “preyed” on Heidi’s insecurities and ruined her self-esteem; Spencer’s scary “rage issues” and how pals fear he could “snap at any minute” and how their sad, desperate hunger for fame has left them friendless (“No one ever visits,” says a source) – pick up the new Us Weekly today!”

Meanwhile this week’s issue of Life & Style, on stands now, has a story that sort-of confirms US‘ new cover. It’s all about how Heidi is staying in a cluttered home with Spencer where he’s a shut in. Spencer confirms that he hasn’t left the house more than three times in a month, and that some former Marine is living with him helping him write a screenplay. He doesn’t admit to trapping Heidi or anything. The best part is the photo of the place, which looks wrecked.

Heidi Montag is trapped inside Spencer Pratt’s prison. At least that’s how Life & Style is putting it. Pratt is barely leaving the house, and he’s making Heidi stick close to his side. Furthermore, he’s brought a former Marine in to be their roommate (he’s taking up residence in the spare bedroom).

“It’s true, I do have a Marine in the house,” Spencer told Life & Style. “He’s helping me write a script. And yes, we’ve been out of the house only three times this month, but that’s because I’m busy working on several business ventures.”
Life & Style goes on to say that the couple is not living in the lavish Hollywood Hills, Calif., home that’s featured on “The Hills,” but instead is in an “unkempt and unsafe home” in Pacific Palisades.

“The living room is filled with Spencer’s mess, which Heidi often has to clean up,” according to the magazine. And Spencer lines the window with crystals, which he believes will keep bad spirits out but keep Heidi locked in,” according to a source who spoke to the magazine.

Pratt did not respond to requests for comment about the claims.

[From MSNBC's The Scoop]

Is this really true? Is Spencer trapping Heidi inside his apartment while he obsessively hoards crystals and crap, hanging out with some random Marine? It could be. It’s probably just as true as the fact that Heidi mangled her face in her sad quest for infamy and belonging. These two are crazy like foxes, but that doesn’t mean they’re not crazy, just that they use it to their advantage. They earned the cover of US Weekly at a time when we should be forgetting/ignoring them, and that’s definitely something. Heidi was just on the cover of Life & Style last week too.

Photo inside Heidi and Spencer’s home courtesy of Life & Style. Header image via Cover Awards.