Serena Williams had something of a major incident Saturday night at the U.S. Open. She was up against Belgian Kim Cjisters, and it was Serena’s serve. The lineswoman called Serena out for a foot fault in her second serve, and suddenly, Serena lost her temper in a rather spectacular fashion. There are a few different videos of the event, and in one version, Serena can be seen walking in a seemingly menacing way, yelling at the lineswoman. There’s some debate at exactly what Serena screamed, but from what I could lip-read and make out from the reports on the incident, Serena started out with something like, “I swear to God, I’m gonna take this f-cking ball and shove it down your f-cking throat. I’m gonna kill you.” It looks like Serena said a lot more than that, as she walked even closer to the lineswoman, shaking a tennis ball first, and then using her racket to point as she yelled.

Serena then walked away, and when her back was turned, the lineswoman ran over to the chair umpire, Swede Louise Engzell. When Serena saw that, she seemed dismissive, walking a few steps towards the umpire, then walking back to the her line. The lineswoman went back to her chair, and that when Serena got angry all over again. She began walking towards the lineswoman again, pointing her racket, and lineswoman, now visibly upset, ran back over to the umpire.

The official version of what happened next will probably go down in tennis history. According to the New York Times, “Engzell then assessed Williams a point penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct, with Brian Earley, the tournament referee, in agreement. But Williams had no point to give — the penalty ended the match, and the Arthur Ashe Stadium crowd, which was only about half-full after two days of rain delays, was stunned.” The crowd wasn’t just “stunned” that the match was over, as many people seem to be glossing over what happened when Engzell, Brian Earley and the lineswoman were deciding what to do. Serena stormed over and began arguing with all of them. She was visibly upset as well, and exclaimed “I didn’t say I would kill you, are you serious?” Oh, for goodness sake. I like a good fight as much as the next person, but when you’re caught on camera screaming, “I swear to God, I’m gonna take this f-cking ball and shove it down your f-cking throat. I’m gonna kill you,” the jig is up.

After the match was over (so suddenly) and Kim Cjisters was declared the winner (sort of), Serena didn’t even try to take the high road at the press conference afterwards. She didn’t apologize or offer up any kind of explanation beyond, “I didn’t play my best…I haven’t really thought about if I have any regrets.” Meanwhile, the press has dubbed this incident Serena’s “match-ending tantrum” and “meltdown for the ages”. The U.S. Open is now investigating if Serena should face other repercussions for her actions. I kind of think what she’s already lost is big enough, but it wouldn’t kill her to apologize to that poor, terrified lineswoman.

Radar is reporting this hilarious “eyewitness account” of Salma Hayke having some kind of epic temper tantrum at a restaurant. Apparently, the hostess of this fine establishment either did not recognize Salma’s lovely boobs, or the hostess sincerely did not have any room to seat anyone without a reservation. In either case, the hostess was all “You’ll have to wait, Cleavage.” Thus, Salma “created a scene” by cussing the hostess out… in Spanish! Dios Mio. Radar claims they don’t know exactly what Salma was really yelling at the hostess, but my guess is that involved the words “puta” and “ojete”. By the way, I found a really great Spanish-English dictionary online – you can type in any word or phrase in English or Spanish, and the site will translate. Thus, “I will cut you” is probably “Voy apuñalas.” (My apologies, Spanish-speakers, if I’m wrong about that.) By the way, I took several years of Spanish, and I’m ashamed to admit I never learned how to say “I will cut you, hostess bitch from hell!”

From the celebrities are cranky like the rest of us category.

Salma Hayek rolled up to the Chateau Marmont on Wednesday night and she was hungry. We’re pretty sure she was VERY hungry because she wanted to eat at the restaurant but didn’t have a reservation and the hostess couldn’t seat her.

The beautiful actress was with a couple of girlfriends and when she realized the patio was full and the hostess wouldn’t seat her Salma freaked out! She created a scene, yelling Spanish.

We know because we were there and saw the whole thing with our Radar eyes. Unfortunately we must now admit that we never paid attention during high school Spanish class (yes, three years worth) because we have NO IDEA what Salma was yelling in Spanish. And no one had a Spanish-to-English dictionary handy either.

But we’re pretty sure she wasn’t yelling how happy she was and how much she loved the restaurant. The hostess tried to calm her down and said she could have the first available table. Even her girlfriends tried to calm her down. But Salma was steaming and then switched to complaining in English and didn’t stop until a party left and she was seated.

[From Radar]

If it was someone else, or if it Salma had been somewhere other than a restaurant, I might be more unforgiving. But some of these hostesses are bitches, and they need to be taken down a peg or two. Handing me a menu isn’t that difficult, you don’t have to be that snotty about it. My verdict is that the hostess probably had it coming. But Salma should work on not screaming at strange restaurant employees in the future.

Salma Hayek is shown with her husband, Francois-Henri Pinault, sailing with “the Puma Ocean Racing team sail boat ‘il mostro’ during the first leg of the ‘Boston to Galway’ Volvo Ocean race” on 5/16/09. She’s also shown outside Beso on 2/26/09. Credit: WENN.com

Despite the fact that Megan Fox always claimed a vehement disinterest in Robert Pattinson – dismissing him as “just too pretty, with the big hair and the suits” – people are still trying to make something of the non-relationship. I guess it’s because Pattinson and Fox have shown up to many of the same awards shows and events, and they don’t go out of their way to ignore each other. At the Teen Choice Awards, they even posed for a couple of pictures together, because they were both crowned “Choice Hotties” at the event. They had their arms around each other politely. Which is what sent Kristen Stewart through the roof! According to the Enquirer, Kristen has something of a jealous temper tantrum when she saw Pattz and Megan together:

Sexy Vampire Boy ROBERT PATTINSON’s moaning to pals that “Twilight” co-star KRISTEN STEWART’s on-again-off-again feelings for him really bite – but a backstage explosion of jealousy over MEGAN FOX at the Teen Choice Awards totally SUCKED!

Although Pattinson and Fox have dated casually at least once or twice, the hunky star was absolutely floored when Kristen – suddenly in-his-face after he went onstage with foxy Fox to accept their “Choice Hotties” awards – bared her fangs and hissed: “You’re into Megan Fox!”

Said a Pattinson pal: “Rob couldn’t believe it at first. Kristen plays hard-to-get with him, then gets jealous over Megan? And she really ripped into him, saying, ‘I saw how you put your arm around her waist…I saw the way you touched her!’ Rob thought it was ridiculous. He told her: ‘Oh, for Pete’s sake! She’s just a friend. We were onstage together…that’s it!’”

But Kristen refused to let up, hammering him relentlessly about Megan. Said the source: “Rob’s getting tired of the constant drama with Kristen. She keeps going back to her boyfriend, but then comes back to Robert – over and over again. She pushes him away, then has the nerve to complain about other women. It’s ludicrous. The girl needs to grow up!”

[From the National Enquirer]

Or perhaps Pattz is rethinking the whole Kristen Stewart thing because he finally got what he wanted (sex with Kristen) and now he’s done. After playing hard to get for more than a year, Kristen finally gave in – so does she still have the ability to make Pattz an utter wreck? Or will her jealousy and high-maintenance destroy the fantasy relationship?

Speaking of, it seems yesterday’s interview with Pattz was a total fake. Pattz never claimed he was single, and his spokesperson released this statement: “I will only comment on matters regarding Robert’s professional life, but in order to set the record straight, Robert did not speak to the Mirror, and their claim that they spoke to him a few days ago is manufactured along with any information that they claim to have as an exclusive directly from him.” So… Pattz is not single. So he’s still happily hittin’ it with Kristen. That’s the only answer!

Am I the only one who finds Jeremy “The Piv” Piven rather douchey? He’s always hitting on barely-legal girls and seems to give off the pungent stench of “gross”. That whole controversy with him dropping out of a Broadway play because of sushi poisoning was weird too – and The Piv is still being sued for that incident. If I was going to say something nasty to him, it would be about the barely-legal girls, not the mercury poisoning. It seems SNL-alum Chris Kattan went the other route, though. The Piv and Kattan were backstage at MTV when Kattan made a crack about The Piv’s play. The Piv proceeded to throw a massive hissy fit, and verbally attacked Chris in a “really personal” way, and Chris backed off, saying “Whoa, man – I thought we were just fooling around here.” When Chris tried to apologize a little while later, The Piv just slammed the door in Kattan’s face:

Jeremy Piven can’t take a joke when it comes to that alleged mercury poisoning. Backstage at Alexa Chung’s MTV talk show on Thursday, the “Entourage” star got into a screaming match with fellow comic Chris Kattan over the fishy situation.

Kattan – who’s been in town talking up his IFC miniseries “Bollywood Hero” – greeted Piven with a snarky, “So, what are you here to promote, your Broadway play?”

Piven, who famously dropped out of “Speed the Plow” in December, is in a legal battle with producers who believe the actor fabricated his illness in order to get out of completing his contract, and was none too happy to be reminded of the incident.

The actor sniped back irritably, “Well, what are you here to promote? Mango?” – a reference to Kattan’s swishy “Saturday Night Live” stripper character.

The actors continued to bark for a few minutes, but while Kattan thought the argument was in jest, Piven did not. Says an insider, “After some back and forth, Jeremy said something really personal to Chris that basically attacked his career. He said ‘Whoa, man – I thought we were just fooling around here.’”

Not the right thing to say to the man who plays Ari Gold, apparently. “I’m getting sued for that s–t!” the actor shouted. “It’s not funny!”

Our source adds, “Jeremy slammed the green room door right in Chris’ face, and about 20 people in the hallway outside could hear him yelling obscenities. He was furious.”

“Chris felt really badly about the whole thing, so about 15 minutes later he tried to approach Jeremy again to apologize, to tell him he was just kidding and that he didn’t mean to offend in any way. But Jeremy wasn’t having it at all. He slammed the door in Chris’ face AGAIN.”

Says Piven’s rep of the incident, “Jeremy and Chris did see each other at MTV and they were joking around backstage before a talk show appearance, as many actors do. If it was interpreted as a fight, someone wasn’t paying attention.”

Kattan’s publicist has a different take on the situation. “Chris mistakenly asked Jeremy if he was there to promote his play and Piven fired back with ‘What are you here to promote, Mango?’ Chris tried to apologize.”

We still urge Jeremy to lighten up. Aren’t comedians supposed to be able to take a joke?

[From Gatecrasher]

Chuckle. I could make a crack about bitchy C-list talent, but I tend to think The Piv might be considered B-List at this point. His turn on Entourage has won him some awards, so it seems he’s in a better position, career-wise, than Kattan. I love it when men show their inner divas, though. It’s hilarious. It would have been funnier if Kattan and The Piv had actually gotten into a slap-fight. I would have put money on Kattan in that case.

UPDATE: Part of the denial is already in the Gatecrasher piece, but The Piv’s people just released another denial. They’re protesting so loudly, it makes me think that there was a lot of truth to this story. Anyway, The Piv’s mouthpiece says the same stuff that’s in Gatecrasher, but adds a new detail, “If it was interpreted as a fight, someone wasn’t paying attention, that’s all. Both gentlemen spoke on the phone yesterday, there is no issue.” Aw, sounds like The Piv called Chris to apologize. That’s better than holding some immature grudge, so good for them.

This story from Gatecrasher cracked me up, but not because Jennifer threw a little temper tantrum. I actually would have thrown “a fit” if I were in Jennifer’s place too – she was upset when people were late to her 40th birthday party. It was some kind of “intimate” sit-down dinner, and late-comers were still coming in at midnight. That would have hacked me off big time – so no judgment on Jennifer for that. What cracked me was the revelation that Marc Anthony’s nickname for Jennifer is “Lola”. As in, “Whatever Lola wants… Lola gets…” The birthday party had a formal name, “An Evening With Lola”. How could Jennifer not pull the diva act?

Jennifer Lopez was overcome with a variety of emotions at her surprise 40th birthday bash Saturday night – and not all of those feelings were good.

Although the actress’ pals showed up at the Edison Ballroom for “An Evening With Lola” (hubby Marc Anthony’s nickname for Lopez) in her honor, La Lopez – who entered the shindig to Sarah Vaughan’s “Whatever Lola Wants” – stayed true to her diva status and “threw a fit” when some of her guests were late to the exclusive dinner.

“Jennifer’s party was very intimate, and there were a noticeable amount of empty seats when the dinner started. Jennifer was really irritated. She was fuming because people were late, and complained about it really loudly to Marc,” said one partygoer, who added, “Jennifer was visibly upset and embarrassed.

“In the Heights” star “Javier Munoz was the only person who gave advance notice that he was going to be late, because he was doing a show on Saturday night,” the insider continued. “But the others had no excuse. Being late is the height of rudeness, and guests were still arriving at midnight.”

Among those latecomers were Alicia Keys and boyfriend Swiss Beatz. Those who turned up on time – and thus remained in Jenny From the Block’s good graces – included Ricky Martin, Liza Minnelli, Leah Remini, L.A. Reid, Gayle King, O’Neal McKnight, her “Backup Plan” co-star Alex O’Laughlin and manager Benny Medina.

And although most of her good pals attended the fete, the mole claims that Lopez was upset that best friends Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes didn’t attend – they were busy hanging out with David and Victoria Beckham in L.A.

Despite the snafus, Jennifer and her guests had a blast. Anthony took to the stage to croon a special song in Spanish, and a grateful Lopez continually burst into tears of happiness.

Says a second source, “Everyone at the party was dancing until well after midnight, especially Gayle King! Benny Medina had to change his shirt he worked up such a sweat on the dance floor, and Swiss Beatz did a special rap just for J.Lo.”

As for Lopez herself, says our first insider, “After Jennifer got over her initial irritation, she let go and looked like she was having the time of her life, drinking champagne and partying until 4 a.m. It was definitely a good way to kick-start her 40s.”

[From Gatecrasher]

Yeah, it sounds like a nice party. I’m glad Jennifer didn’t get too bogged down with latecomers. Who in the world comes to a private dinner party at midnight? Or do I just not roll in those circles? Granted, my idea of a “private dinner party” is eating chicken nuggets on a real plate while watching NCIS. What was Oprah’s BFF Gayle King doing there? I had no idea Gayle and Jennifer were friends. But I suppose when Lola invites you to a party, you show up and act like her best friend. Or she’ll cut you.

Images thanks to WENN.com .

Remember how Sienna Miller gave us that song and dance about she how she was “naïve and trusting” in her relationships? That was from her Vogue Magazine interview last month, and she was alluding to Balthazar Getty and their alleged split at the time. Unfortunately, just a few weeks later, Sienna and Balthazar were photographed on another topless vacation. So, basically, Sienna plays the victim when it’s convenient, but nothing is going to stop her from being with her married man. You’d expect this kind of audacity would come with a healthy dose of humor, grace or at the very least, a general acceptance that screwing a married man for a year causes people to talk. Not so much for Sienna. When she got some mediocre Balthazar-related questions during a phone interview for an Australian radio station, Sienna went off on an obscene rant:

Sienna Miller launched into a foul-mouthed rant after being quizzed about her love life.

The actress flew into a rage and told a radio host to “p**s off” when asked if she is still dating on/off lover Balthazar Getty.

During a phone interview with Australian radio station Fox FM, Sienna fumed: “You’ve called us scrags, b****es, knocked-up. We are not here to talk about him [Getty]. But, yes, I know him and everything is good, thank you.

“What a scoop! Congratulations! You are really, really clever!”

Radio host Adam Richard tried to apologise for upsetting the 27-year-old blonde star by saying: “I didn’t mean to step on your toes.”

However, Sienna refused to calm down and snapped back: “You’re going there.”

Last month, it was claimed Sienna had reunited wit Balthazar after he reportedly whisked her off to Italy for a romantic break.

Balthazar, 34, and Sienna sparked outrage when they were first linked last July.

His wife Rosetta Millington – who has four children with the billionaire actor – split from the star, but they are yet to divorce.

[From OK! UK Magazine]

Yeah, Sienna is a bitch. And she’s nasty for no real reason. I mean, who could have predicted that Sienna would get a couple of questions about the married man she’s been banging for a year? I mean, except for every publicist in America, Britain, and Australia. We knew that all of that already. But by throwing these kinds of hissy fits, is she destroying what’s left of her career? In case anyone thinks I’m being too harsh on Sienna, consider this – she has a publicist. She has a management team. Do you think there’s no one in her life who’s paid to sit her down and say “These are the questions you’re going to get, and this is how you answer without throwing an obscene, immature temper tantrum”?

Sienna Miller is shown promoting a Hugo Boss fragrance in Spain on 6/5/09. Credit: ENF/Fame Pictures

Let’s be honest: of all the ugly celebs (and there are plenty, everything considered), Janice Dickinson is probably the ugliest. At least when you factor in her constant assertion that she was the world’s first supermodel. I mean she’s just begging the public to pick her apart. And she’s such a raging, self-righteous, critical bitch. So really, Janice is one of the few celebrities I don’t feel badly about absolutely tearing to shreds. Which is why that evil part of me celebrated by throwing confetti in the air after hearing about a little paparazzi kerfuffle Janice got herself in yesterday.

Janice Dickinson is harrassed [sic] by photographers as she walks back to her car in the Sunset Plaza. One photographer asks her if she has had a sex change operation and another attempts to photograph down her shirt.

[From WENN]

Thankfully there are photos of Janice’s freakout. TMZ points out that she actually thought a photographer tried to take a picture up her skirt, which would be a greater violation. Mostly because she was wearing a dress that had her 53-year-old supermodel breasts thrust out as far as possible. It would have been hard not to take a picture “down her shirt.”

And the guy trying to photograph up Janice’s skirt was probably just trying to answer the sex change question. I personally don’t thinks he’s had one. I’m guessing she’s still tucking. Nonetheless, I want to find and marry the photographer who asked her that question. That dude is my soul mate.

Images thanks to WENN.com.

Kanye West is always there with a kind word and a hand on your shoulder. Or to publicly bitch and moan and throw a conniption fit. For such an incredibly boring show, the VMAs managed to produce a good bit of drama this year, at least backstage. Not like the old school VMAs, where some random member of Rage Against the Machine would jump on stage, hurling his body to inexplicable heights before finally resting on some bizarre/artsy looking piece of the set. Yeah we all know he was probably paid by MTV to do it to liven up an otherwise dull show, but at least he did it. This year the biggest thing on stage was Britney’s lack of anything good. Yeah it was embarrassing and she should go dig a hole at the bottom of the ocean and stay there, but she didn’t collapse and she kept her clothes on – so in my book, she could have at least failed in a more spectacular fashion. The really good drama was behind the scenes. Tommy Lee and Kid Rock getting into a fight over their mutual love toy, Pam Anderson. Ashanti could only laugh hysterically when a reporter asked her what she thought of Britney’s performance. But of course the best drama, and biggest pouting, came from Kanye West. Famous for his “Jesus Walks” song, Kanye has an ego that’s kind of embarrassing. Jesus wants you to chill, Kanye.

“Kanye West, a virtual shut out at the Video Music Awards on Sunday night, threw a hissy fit in front of cameras and crew backstage as the MTV show was coming to an end. While waiting for a an elevator, West, 29, began yelling about losing all five categories for which he was nominated, including male artist of the year.

“‘That’s two years in a row, man … give a black man a chance,’ said West, barking his misery at the nearby reporters. ‘I’m trying hard man, I have the … No. 1 record, man.’ This outburst followed Kanye’s withering commentary on Britney Spears, who he criticized for not having any relevant recent hits.

[From Monsters & Critics]

Last year Kanye freaked out at the MTV Europe awards, when his video for “Touch the Sky” didn’t win. Kanye bum rushed the stage, grabbing the microphone from the winners and unleashed an expletive-laced tirade. He said, “‘Best video should have been mine. I should have won. It cost a million dollars, Pamela Anderson was in it. I was jumping across canyons! If I don’t win, the awards show loses credibility.’” Way to keep your ego in check dude. Um, also, if Kanye West doesn’t win, little children will cry and have to eat Spam. If Kanye West doesn’t win, wars will break out in peaceful mountain villages. If Kanye West doesn’t win, happiness will no longer be an emotion that humans are capable of feeling. If Kanye West doesn’t win, the universe will implode!

Picture note by JayBird: Here’s Kanye at the 2007 GQ Magazine Men of the Year Awards on September 4th. Image thanks to PR Photos. Header image of Kanye yesterday at the VMAs in Las Vegas. Image thanks to Splash Photos.