For whatever reason, Taylor Swift is in London, and she’s been getting pap’d a lot on the trip. These are all photos from the past few days – Swifty in off-the-shoulder red, Swifty in off-the-shoulder beige. I have to admit, as much as the whole Swifty debacle damaged Jake Gyllenhaal’s reputation, I also think Swifty’s rep has taken a hit. It’s not just the Jake situation, it’s everything combined. Hooking up with John Mayer, writing a song about riding (and being dumped by) Mayer’s racist douche dong, planting stories about her relationship with Jake, and then planting stories about the breakup with Jake… it’s all left a bad taste in my mouth, and I doubt I’m alone. Plus, Swifty has been coming across as kind of psycho – she pretty much stalked Jake at the post-Oscars Vanity Fair party.

So, post-Jake Swifty has to change things up a bit, right? Travel to London, pap herself around town. She also has been trying to make the Chord Overstreet thing happen – the two of them went to some sporting event a few weeks ago, but from what I can tell, that PR gambit fizzled. It seems like Swifty doesn’t really have a strategy in place, right? Should we help her out?

Here’s my PR strategy for Swifty: First, do a makeover. Cut your hair, stop with the little frilly princess dresses for a while, change it up. Secondly, either don’t date anyone for several months, or if you do, don’t promote the relationship like it’s your album about the drop. No one should be thinking about your biscuits for a while. And for God’s sake, stop accosting men outside of public bathrooms.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Joe Jonas is the April cover boy for Details Magazine. He’s really butching it up for the photo shoot too – although I think the shoot has one big flaw, and it wasn’t Joe’s fault. Norman Jean Roy photographed Joe outdoors in too-bright sunlight, and thus, Joe has this rather weasely-looking squint going on in really every photo. It’s not a sexy squint, either. And this boy is really trying to be a sex symbol, after long last. One of Joe’s many handlers (I’m just going with what the article says!) claims that Joe’s cropped haircut is “Top Gun-Tom Cruise”. SO BUTCH. And Joe isn’t wearing his purity ring anymore! Oh, Ashley Greene is such a slut! And he’s drinking too! Joe tells the reporter that now that he’s living in his bachelor pad in Hollywood, all he does is go to the gym five times a week (for gym dong?) and go to bars, like the Bowery on Sunset. He also says of his neighborhood, “I like to watch all the crazy characters in the neighborhood. I saw this gay homeless guy that got arrested. When the cops said, ‘Spread ‘em,’ he was like, ‘You’d like that, wouldn’t you?’” Joe Jonas cruises the gay homeless! The full Details interview is here, and here is the Details slideshow. And here are some highlights from the interview:

On going solo: “I’m growing up, the fans are growing up. I’ve gone through a lot of stuff in my life so far. There are stories I haven’t really been able to tell. When you’re writing with three people, you wind up with a sound that might be—not average—but, you know, expected.”

On his new music: “I wanted to do something you could hear in a club or something you could dance to, something’s that’s fun—something that’s me.”

The Jonas Brothers aren‘t breaking up: “We’re not breaking up, we’re just taking a break,” Joe says. “I really have a hope for the fans that got older and went, ‘You know what, I’m really not into the Jonas Brothers anymore,’ that I’m able to catch their ear again with my project and they’re able to go, like, ‘Hey, this is cool stuff, I’m happy listening to this, I’m not embarrassed listening to this.’”

“I think all artists have a right to write about what happens to them.” On his album, there will be songs about “different love scenarios that I’ve been through, breakups, hurts. Me hurting somebody and feeling bad about it. I think there’s a lot of scenarios where people might wanna hear my side of the story.”

On his relationship with Ashley: “It feels good. I think what works about it is she really puts my feelings first. She understands my busy schedule. She’ll fly out to my shows—she’s been to places in South America that I can’t even pronounce.” And in January, he visited her in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, while she was shooting the next two installments of the Twilight series, Breaking Dawn: Part I and Part II (Greene plays the psychic vampire Alice Cullen). He also flew to Jacksonville, Florida, to meet her parents. “Her dad can drink me to shame,” Joe says. “He’s awesome.”

On touring with the band: “We’ve seen every state in America besides Alaska and Hawaii, been all over Europe.” Sure, there have been times when it’s gotten a little weird, rocking out for little girls. “We did some things that were like, ‘Really?, We’re gonna do this? Like, go and play for an elementary school, are you serious?’ At the time I was like 17, I wanna go meet girls at high schools.’ And now I’m 21. I wanna go play my music in a club.”

On Danielle Deleasa, Kevin’s wife: “Actually, I hit on her first. And after that she and Kevin hit it off, of course. Now we have a fourth person traveling with us everywhere, so that’s a different thing completely.”

Joe on his exes, Demi Lovato and Taylor Swift: He’s dated the troubled Disney star Demi Lovato (“I wish her the best”) and the actress Camilla Belle. Taylor Swift was so bitter after their breakup that she wrote a song about it (“Forever & Always”) and went on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, in 2008, to complain that Joe had dumped her in a phone call that lasted 27 seconds. Joe countered by saying that it was Swift who had hung up on him. Now he says, “I think all artists have a right to write about what happens to them. But,” he adds with a smile, “I have a right to write about things too.” He won’t say whether his album will contain a Swift rebuttal—just that there will be songs about “different love scenarios that I’ve been through, breakups, hurts. Me hurting somebody and feeling bad about it. I think there’s a lot of scenarios where people might wanna hear my side of the story.”

On the gay rumors: “There’s nothing wrong with being gay,” he says now, “but I’m not.” Adding to the buzz, he dressed up in a leotard and heels and danced to “Single Ladies”—to comic effect—to square a sports bet with some buddies. He got the idea from his fans. The video of his performance got more than 25 million hits on YouTube.

Having his heart broken: But he really did have his heart broken; it was about two years ago, and the young woman was someone in the entertainment world. “I won’t say her name,” Joe says. “But I was in a relationship, and we tried to work things out, and she, you know—I was really upset because she—she broke up with me.” A sadness lingers in his voice.

[From Details]

Okay, now that I’ve read the whole thing, I like Joe a little bit more. He should be allowed to grow up and mature, although I would like him to seriously address all of the purity ring stuff in detail, and how he feels about it now. I also like that he wasn’t afraid of addressing the gay rumors head on, although the boy still beeps on my gaydar. I guess that’s Ashley’s problem, not mine, though. Oooh, and now I can’t wait for Joe Jonas to talk smack about Taylor Swift!! That is going to be awesome.

Photos courtesy of Details, slideshow here.

These are some photos of Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift (separately) at the Vanity Fair Oscars after-party Sunday night. Jake was invited to the party because he’s a movie star. Swifty was invited… because she wanted to see Jake, I guess. My take: Swifty’s Zuhair Murad minidress screams “PAY ATTENTION TO ME, JAKE! I HAVE BISCUITS FOR YOU.” Anyway, everyone has a different take on what went down at the VF party – the same party where Reese Witherspoon and her fiancé Jim Toth were. People Magazine reported this version yesterday, which is likely the publicist-sanctified version:

When exes Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal bumped into each other at one of the Oscars’s most exclusive afterparties, it didn’t look like they were engaging in idle party chatter.

“They were outside near the restroom having a discussion,” a guest at the Vanity Fair bash tells PEOPLE. “It seemed a bit more serious – it certainly wasn’t a ‘Hi, how are you?’ talk.”

The musician, 21, and the actor, 30, started dating last fall but broke up in December.

On Sunday night, Gyllenhaal and Swift were back together for a short visit at the party, and while there was no overt affection between the two. “It seemed like they were catching up,” says the source, “sorting something out.”

Soon after their chat, Gyllenhaal headed out while Swift stayed and partied with two girlfriends. “They completely kept to themselves,” says the guest. “She couldn’t be bothered by anyone.”

[From People]

So, the nice People Magazine version is that Swifty was some kind of Jake-seeking missile and she ambushed him at the party and forced him into some kind of serious conversation when he really just wanted to butch it up with other biscuits. Jake even had a “date” – according to Us Weekly, his date was an “unidentified young, curly-haired brunette.” Page Six’s version is basically the same as People’s, only there’s this little tidbit: “Another source reports they stood a foot away from each other, but couldn’t look at each other. ‘It looked like they had just had a heart-to- heart talk. There were handlers and security all around them trying to keep everybody away,’ our source explained.” It just feels like Swifty went to the party just to ambush Jake into talking to her. Which is kind of… tacky. She really is immature, right?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Before you call me a cynic for dismissing a sweet would-be love story between two popular young musicians, please consider that both of these kids are under the same record label, Universal Republic, that this story just happened to come out on Valentine’s Day, and that it involves songs they recorded for each other. It’s a tale so sickly sweet and so obviously planted that it deserves its own category on Snopes – “celebrity glurge.”

Anyway Taylor Swift has a song about some guy she met that she was hoping to date. It’s said to be about a guy named Adam Young, who is the lead singer of a band called “Owl City.” You probably know them from that cute “Fireflies” song that gets annoying when you’ve heard it for the twentieth time. Kind of like Taylor herself, who is facing overexposure with this latest stunt. Adam somehow figured out that Taylor’s song “Enchanted” is about him and he did his own version of the song and released it on his website on Valentine’s day.

Adam Young, an electro-pop musician from the band Owl City with the ubiquitous hit “Fireflies,” posted a gushing online message and song about the country star after figuring out that her song, “Enchanted,” is about likely about him.

Young writes that he decoded Swift’s song by stringing together the upper-case letters in the printed lyrics on her album and realizing they spell out “A-D-A-M.”

“I’m so tremendously honored that Taylor would write such an elegant song and thereby offer a gracious nod in my direction,” he writes on his band’s blog. “Needless to say, I was lost for words and utterly smitten. I couldn’t stop smiling.”

He reciprocates the gesture with his recorded interpretation of Swift’s “Enchanted,” writing:

“Everything about you is beautiful. You’re an immensely charming girl with a wonderful heart and more grace and elegance than I know how to describe. … I’m terribly sorry it’s taken me such a long time to reply but I figured Valentine’s Day was the perfect time to write this note to you and simply say. … I was enchanted to meet you too.”

Swift and Young have a friendship that dates back at least to September 2009 when Swift sent him a Tweet before one of his shows in New York. “If I was in town, I’d be there! Front row, super-fan style,” she wrote at the time.

A week later, Swift was spotted in the VIP balcony of Young’s sold-out Bowery Ballroom show, dancing and singing along to his 90-minute set. Backstage afterwards, they snapped a photo together and Young Tweeted, “Wow. Tonight was magical.”

According to M magazine, the feeling was mutual, but Swift put it in the song “Enchanted.”

“It was about this guy that I met in New York City, and I had talked to him on email before, but I had never met him,” Swift told the magazine in November 2010. “Meeting him, it was just this overwhelming feeling of, ‘I really hope that you’re not in love with somebody.’ And the whole entire way home, I just remember … sitting there thinking, am I ever gonna talk to this person again? It was that feeling of pining away for a romance that may never even happen.”

Neither rep offered comment. Swift is in Asia on the first leg of her sold-out “Speak Now” tour. Young’s sophomore album, All Things Bright and Beautiful, will be released on May 24.

[From People]

All you need to know about that story is in the last two lines plugging their latest ventures.

What’s next for them – a whirlwind romance and breakup followed by songs on each side chronicling their relationship? It’s a better idea for Taylor than dating Jake Gyllenhaal. In that relationship only Taylor was (presumably) capable of belting out an angst-ridden poem about the heartbreak that comes with seeing the end of your fake romance in the pages of US Weekly.

Header photo from Universal Republic. Photos below credit: WENN.com

Last week, People Magazine had the “breaking news” (from Jake Gyllenhaal’s publicist) that Jake had flown to Nashville to do a post-breakup dinner date with Taylor Swift. By most accounts, this has been the timeline of the last three months:

*Jake gets his management to “set him up” with Taylor Swift in early November (-ish).
*A whirlwind courtship involving apple-picking and cuddle-fests and lots of coffee.
*Gushy interviews, told from Swift’s perspective, about how Jake and Taylor were the real thing, forever and ever and PONIES!!!
*Roughly two months into the relationship, Jake dumps Taylor. Over the phone.
*Jake spends three weeks butching it up, trying to talk to any available vagina.
*Jake realizes that the whole Swift thing has been an unmitigated disaster, tries to do some damage control by flying to Nashville so he can look like the “good guy”.

So what is left to say? Lots, apparently. I have to admit… I love this crap. The Jwifty shomance was and is AMAZING to me, just for the sheer absurdity of it and how many people buy it. This Us Weekly story comes from Taylor Swift, by the way. I’m not even going to put an “allegedly” in there. Swifty talked to someone at Us Weekly, and told them exactly what went down during her dinner with Jake. What’s even better – Swift talks to Us Weekly like she would talk to a girlfriend, and explores theories about why Jake said this or that. It’s funny as hell.

Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift wandered into the Nashville restaurant Bound’ry near closing time on January 19, but they still wanted a secluded table in the back for dinner.

“They sat by the fireplace,” says an eyewitness. “They were both smiling.”

But: “Taylor was nervous the whole time,” reveals a source close to Swift. Jake had shown up unannounced begging for “closure.” But Jake’s appearance three weeks after he dumped her over the phone only opened wounds.

“Taylor was just getting over Jake… she was thrown,” says the insider. Another one adds: “Jake went to Nashville to see if there was anything still between them, if they could recapture the magic. Sadly, it wasn’t there.”

Swift initially panicked at his arrival. “He wanted to take her to dinner, but she said she had to rehearse,” says a source. Gyllenhaal “said he didn’t think they ended things right, and he owed it to her to talk face to face… he said he just wasn’t feeling things anymore. He didn’t like where things were headed.”

Jake also asked Swift if she had leaked to the media that he dumped her with a phone call, and the source says Swift assured him she hadn’t. “He took her word for it, and Taylor told him she was fine letting it go.”

The rapprochement came when Swift and Gyllenhaal discussed his post-split flirtations, with Scarlett Johansson, Camilla Belle and Mila Kunis. At the dinner with Swift, Jake “explained he is not a dog,” says the source, who theorizes a more selfish motive. “He wanted everyone to see him apologizing so he looks like a good guy.”

Gyllenhaal also told Swift that she was a “sweet girl” and “really special to him.” An insider says: “He cares for her deeply, but it’s over now.”

Swift told him “they were cool, but the whole thing was really weird to her.”

[From Us Weekly, print edition]

There are so many gems, but my favorite is “Jake also asked Swift if she had leaked to the media that he dumped her with a phone call, and the source says Swift assured him she hadn’t.” So, Swifty called up Us Weekly, like, a day after Jake dumped her over the phone, and now she’s playing coy about it to Jake, AND to Us Weekly. Amazing. And then Swifty calls up Us Weekly and People Magazine the minute Jake got into town, and then she leaked everything about their meeting. I’m just going to say it – Swifty needs some girlfriends. I know her image is that of a girl’s girl and all, but I think she needs to hang out with someone new, someone she can trust, someone she can just dump all of this crap on. Because I’m not sure if telling EVERYTHING about your bidness to Us Weekly is the best strategy.

Another gem: “He said he just wasn’t feeling things anymore. He didn’t like where things were headed.” = He was really tired of Swifty trying to force her vagina on him. I’m just sayin’.

Oh, and In Touch Weekly (via Jezebel) has a totally different take on this situation – according to their sources (??), Jake pre-arranged the meeting in Nashville, and when his flight was delayed, he rented a car so that he could get there in time. He needed to beg Taylor’s forgiveness, and then he spent two nights at Taylor’s apartment. Boning her, presumably. Yeah… who buys that?

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Lots of people are billing this story as “ZOMG Jakey & Swifty FOREVER” but if you read the brief report carefully, there’s nothing to indicate that. People Magazine claims (suspiciously) that Jake Gyllenhaal flew to Nashville yesterday to have lunch with Taylor Swift, the chick he dated for less than two months and then dumped over the phone. Considering Jake was butching it up, flirting with every available vagina (“Ew,” Jake says) at the Golden Globes – while also bringing an “ex-girlfriend” as a date – it really didn’t look like Jake was mourning this relationship at all. Meanwhile, Swifty has been a mess, and she’s been diligently working on the definitive breakup song which will include the words “Brooklyn latte” and “Camilla Belle” and “Gaylord”. So… this just seems like Jake went to Nashville as a stop-gap measure, so he wouldn’t look the asshat who dumped a 12-year-old over the phone.

Is Taylor Swift giving Jake Gyllenhaal another chance?

The two stars, whose brief relationship fizzled in December, arrived quietly together on Wednesday at Bound’ry, a restaurant near Swift’s Nashville condo, and were led back to a table for two, according to another patron.

“They did eat,” the patron tells PEOPLE. “They were cordial to one another, but not affectionate.”

The two were last spotted publicly together on Dec. 9.

Swift has been lying low in Nashville in recent days, rehearsing with her band for a concert on a Royal Caribbean cruise ship, where she will perform on Friday, and for the Asian leg of her Speak Now tour, which begins in Singapore on Feb. 9.

[From People]

“They did eat…They were cordial to one another, but not affectionate,” says Jake’s publicist, who rues the day he ever arranged Swifty as Jake’s “girlfriend”. The publicist them screamed into the phone “ARE YOU BITCHES HAPPY NOW?!?”

But yeah… Jake and Swifty aren’t getting back together, in my opinion. He realized that the whole situation made him look terrible, and he’s trying to do some PR stuff to make it look like he’s not a dick.

UPDATE: People Mag just updated their story to include this “eyewitness” quote: “There was no holding hands, but they seemed happy together. They sat next to the fireplace just chatting away.” Ugh. What kind of game are you playing, Jake?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

As I mentioned earlier today, Jake Gyllenhaal was reportedly flirting his ass off with every girl available at the Golden Globes after-parties. By the way, you should totally go back and read my thing from this morning – I just want you to watch the video of Jake and Ryan Seacrest flirting with each other. It’s incredible. Anyhoodle, Jake’s girl drama took the cover of In Touch Weekly this week – apparently, some “sources” are telling ITW that Jake was getting hot and flirty with another Joe Jonas ex, Camilla Belle the night before the Globes: “They hung out together the entire night. They were talking intimately, and laughing. There really seemed to be chemistry, a connection. Jake and Camilla were flirting all night. And before he left, I saw him very affectionately touching her arm. She is definitely his type.” Actually, his type is petite blondes (which includes Ryan Seacrest). Anyway, this junk is already being denied:

Is Jake Gyllenhaal getting chummy with Taylor Swift’s frenemy, Camilla Belle? Relax TSwift fans, there is nothing romantic going on between the two.

Jake, 30, was spotted hanging out with Camilla, 24, at the Art of Elysium “Heaven” Gala in Los Angeles on Saturday evening. While the meet-up may have raised eyebrows amongst some Taylor fans, Jake’s rep exclusively tells Celebuzz that the pair are “not dating.”

RadarOnline previously reported that the pair “hung out together the entire night” and were spotted “talking intimately.”

“Jake and Camilla were flirting all night,” a source told RadarOnline. “And before he left, I saw him very affectionately touching her arm.”

Taylor fans were shocked to hear that Jake was reportedly getting cozy with Camilla since the 21-year-old singer has been feuding with the Disney singer for years.

Camilla began dating Joe Jonas in 2008 shortly after the Jonas Brothers frontman dumped Taylor over the phone. Taylor allegedly wrote “Better Than Revenge” about Camilla, which includes lyrics like “She’s an actress/Better known for the thing that she does on the mattress.” Yikes!

[From Celebuzz]

Yeah, speaking of Swifty’s prowess as a lyricist (rolls eyes), it was inevitable. We all predicted it. At this point, it’s just Taylor Swift’s M.O. She dates a guy with gayish tendencies, he breaks her heart (usually by dumping her over the phone), and Swifty then writes a whiny song about everything, adding some references to ponies, glitter, kittens and high school. Well, PopEater’s sources are saying that Swifty is likely already recording “The Jake Gyllenhaal Song”. They also say that she’s kind of depressed and she’s not ready to date anyone again.

Delving into her work since the recent split with Jake Gyllenhaal, Taylor Swift isn’t in a rush to find another guy.

“Taylor is not exactly a loner, but she fares well on her own and will be fine if she doesn’t hook up with a guy immediately, ” a source close to Swift tells PopEater.

According to several reports, Swift hasn’t recovered from the breakup and isn’t her usual bubbly self. If anything, she’s busy in the studio working on her breakup song. In the past, Swift, 21, has written plenty of songs about ex-boyfriends including Taylor Lautner and John Mayer.

Her relationship with Gyllenhaal, 30, was short but looked promising. After hanging together after a segment of ‘Saturday Night Live’ in October, the couple began seeing each other in New York, Nashville and London. Although they tried to keep things secret, they were spotted through the end of November in those cities, including a stint in Big Sur, Calif., walking on the beach and nibbling on ice cream cones.

During the Thanksgiving holiday, the couple spent time together in Brooklyn with Jake’s sister, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and her husband, Peter Sarsgaard. After that, Swift and Gyllenhaal flew back to Nashville for a few days where they were seen holding hands, embracing and sipping coffee.

“While people expected them to spend the Christmas holidays together, they were each photographed separately in different cities,” says the source. “It looked like things didn’t work out.”

[From PopEater]

SOB! Oh, how much do you love the idea of Camilla Belle and Swifty being arch-enemies? It’s fitting, isn’t it? Camilla Bella is a pretty girl, but she’s a Bosworth. No, scratch that – she’s worse than a Bosworth. At least I know why I know Bosworth’s name. Camilla is even less than that. Anyway, I hope Swifty’s Jake song is heart-wrenchingly awkward, with references to Seacrest, sparkle-ponies and Mattress Girls.

Here are some pics of Camilla last night at a film premiere. She looks really, really tacky.

ITW cover courtesy of CoverAwards. Additional pics by WENN.

Last night I had the chance the read the whole Us Weekly cover story about Jake Gyllenhaal’s tragic phone-dumping of Taylor Swift. The piece is epic, and it sounds almost entirely one-sided, all sources coming from Team Swifty. Do you think all of Swifty’s little teenage friends call up Us Weekly and gossip about their friend? Or do you think the sources are from Team Swifty, Inc, making this tabloid story the official, business-transaction version of what happened? I don’t know, I really don’t. I no longer care about Swifty in general (I haven’t since the John Mayer stuff), but I don’t think she’s as devilish as many of you think. My take on her is that she truly is an immature, child-like girly-girl who throws everything she has at any guy who is mildly interested. I also think that at this point, that idea of her – “immature, child-like girly-girl” – has become her shtick, her marketing tool, her “Oh, gosh!” persona that helps her sell, sell, sell. Anyway, Us Weekly has released part of their cover story, and let’s just say, The Aniston is strong in this one. Swifty is hellbent on coming out of the Gyllenhaal relationship sounding like The Biggest Victim Ever.

She sure didn’t see it coming. When Jake Gyllenhaal dumped Taylor Swift over the phone just before New Year’s — ending their whirlwind two-month romance — Swift, 21, was completely blind-sided, multiple pals tell the new Us Weekly, out now.

“It was a 180-degree turn and so out of the blue,” a source tells Us of 30-year-old Gyllenhaal’s decision.

Explains another insider, “Jake just told her it wasn’t working out…Taylor is really upset and hurt. She doesn’t know what she did for him to put a stop to it. She feels really burned by him.”

Indeed, it was an about-face for the Love and Other Drugs actor, who was first to pursue Swift, asking his handlers in October to set them up; their first weekend together, he took her on an apple picking date in upstate New York and to a Saturday Night Live taping in NYC.

“Jake started this whole thing, but then he just stopped responding to her,” another source says.

[From Us Weekly]

The print edition has a lot more of the same stuff – “sources” wondering what Jake was playing at, inviting Swifty to spend time with his family, “sources” doing the “I told her so” thing about how Swifty was warned not to jump into the relationship headfirst. And yes, Us Weekly even goes into detail about how Swifty is working out like crazy now that she’s single, plus she’s dieting, plus eyewitnesses claimed she looked “super skinny” at the People’s Choice Awards. Another source tells Us Weekly: “She’s doing better now, but she’s still healing… she’s starting to learn to be more cautious with love. She realizes it’s all not a fairy tale.” POOR SWIFTY. I told you, The Aniston is strong in this one.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Our New Jennifer Aniston gets treated like crap by men too! According to Us Weekly (via LaineyGossip), Jake Gyllenhaal dumped Taylor Swift just before New Year’s… over the phone. JUST LIKE JOE JONAS. Is this the only thing Joe Jonas and Jake Gyllenhaal have in common? Discuss.

How Jakey dumped Swifty. It was over the phone. Just before New Year’s. I hope it was more than 27 seconds. That’s apparently how long it took for Joe Jonas to end things with her. On the phone too.

These are the details presented to us about the Jakey-Swifty break-up in the new issue of Us Weekly, with Taylor’s heartbreak on the cover. It’s a top seller. And pretty soon, she’ll have more than John Mayer in common with Jennifer Aniston.

Jennifer, however, is much more experienced. And besides, Jennifer really isn’t looking for love. If only Jennifer could admit to the fact that she’s in it for a good f-ck. If only.

Taylor on the other hand at 21 is in love with love. So when Jakey pursued her, going through their agents to arrange a hook-up, of course it was like stars and rainbows. Jake of course has dimples and is delightful and hot. So it’s easy to blame her for being a dumbass.

But then again, he invited her to spent time with his family on Thanksgiving. She held hands with his niece. So… I don’t know… if I were analysing that over the phone and tears with a girlfriend post-split, that would have confounded me too. But if he wasn’t into me, why would he ask me to spend the holiday with him?

You’ve had those conversations, right? You’ve picked apart everything he said? And now?

Us Weekly says now Swifty isn’t eating. She’s also supposedly working out like mad, to bury the pain, I guess, which will eventually transform itself into lyrical inspiration. Jake meanwhile is having dinner with buxom blondes. Because a player never stops playing.

[From LaineyGossip]

Lainey is too kind to Jake. But yeah, I’ve been wondering that too – who comes out of the Jake-Swifty debacle looking worse? Is it Swifty because she’s such an immature little thing, and if she hadn’t gushed so much to everyone about Jake being the apple-picking, coffee-swirling love of her life, maybe he wouldn’t have bailed? Does Swifty look bad because people are now calling her “The New Aniston”? Or does Jake look bad because he dumped Swifty so quickly and so douchily? Does it make him look gay? Or, gayer? Personally, I think Jake looks worse coming out of it. Swifty is a child. We know that. Jake knew that, and he dated her anyway. And he looks like either: A) An older dude who likes much younger women who act like little girls or B) A gay dude who manipulated a young girl into a PR relationship, and who dumped her when the charade didn’t fool anyone.

Oh, Swifty’s Jake Song is going to be EPIC.

Us Weekly cover courtesy of CoverAwards. Additional pics courtesy of WENN.

I can’t really tell which one should be insulted by the Taylor Swift-Jennifer Aniston comparison. You would think it would be both, right? That Swifty wouldn’t want to be seen as the younger version of Jennifer Aniston, and Aniston wouldn’t be eager to see herself as the dethroned “sweetheart” given the boot by the young Swifty. But something tells me that both Aniston and Swifty probably enjoy the comparison – and they actually do have a lot in common. Both are known as “sweethearts” even though their actions belie a somewhat nastier and grittier personality. Both have had to tell John Mayer’s penis that he is special. Both have had Mayer’s white supremacist dong inside of them while they listened to John Mayer’s while, while viewing his demonic O-face. Both have tried to get Jake Gyllenhaal to touch their boobs… unsuccessfully. I could go on…

Anyway, why am I bothering to compare and contrast? Well, Gatecrasher had this funny little item about Jennifer Aniston approaching Taylor Swift backstage at the People’s Choice Awards last week. Apparently, Aniston’s drunk ass was all “Stay strong, Swifty.”

Is Taylor Swift the Jennifer Aniston of her generation? An insider at Wednesday’s People’s Choice Awards tells us the notoriously unlucky-in-love Aniston, 41, approached Swift, 21, inside the Nokia Theatre to tell her to “hang in there” in the face of relentless press about her love life. We hear the two had not previously met, but Aniston “wanted Taylor to know everything will be okay.”

Aniston’s supposedly star-crossed romantic history has long been in the limelight, as Swift’s now is after her reported split with Jake Gyllenhaal.

According to our source, Jen told Taylor to “go out there and have fun.” We hope they also compared notes about shared ex John Mayer.

[From Gatecrasher]

I would love it if they actually compared notes on Mayer, but I doubt that happened. Aniston was probably all boozy and she sauntered over to Swifty to size up her competition for Mayer‘s KKK dong, and Swifty put on her best sickly sweet “OH GOSH!” face and said something like “Ohmigod, you’re my idol! You’re where I want to be in 30 years!!” And Aniston wacked Swifty with her purse, which was heavy with the fifth of Jack she had smuggled in.

Swifty and Aniston should remake All About Eve. It would be killer.

One last thing – I keep waiting for Allure to release their cover story for February, but they haven’t yet. Here’s a little preview of Aniston’s new cover, via Us Weekly’s print issue:

Photos courtesy of WENN and Fame. Allure preview courtesy of Zinio.