Tom Cruise’s ego must be pretty wounded. Wait, scratch that. If Tom was a regular guy and had a regular ego that was capable of being wounded, it probably would be right now. Luckily Tom’s entire psychological makeup is pretty far from the norm, and his ego, pride, and self-worth are all covered in a protective layer of hardened Xenu juice, making him impervious to even the most rational criticisms of others.

Tom was the star of all of the previous Mission Impossible films. His people recently approached Paramount to see if they wanted to start working on MI4. Their response? Thanks, but no thanks. But as a courtesy they did offer to let Tom can produce it – which he contractually has the rights to do anyway.

Paramount’s response was to ask whether Cruise would like to produce the film—as in, produce but not star in. And, since he’s contractually guaranteed the right to produce such a film at this point, it wasn’t much of an offer. This tells us not to read too much into that supposed rapprochement between Cruise and Sumner Redstone. And it suggests that the fighting between Cruise and Paramount studio chief Brad Grey over the deal for M:I3 was a lot more rancorous than we knew at the time.

We don’t want to keep you in suspense: Cruise’s answer was no. Our source tells us that Paramount met this with a shrug, since in the not-too-distant future the studio expects that it will be free, contractually, to make the movie without involving Cruise’s production company. Some film executives say they think Paramount is being foolish, because they believe there is an avid audience for Cruise in this role. After all, the last one grossed about $400 million worldwide. (Maybe M:I4 could pair Cruise with Shia LaBoeuf as the young successor.) But Paramount seems to think it could relaunch the franchise with a young star and leave Cruise out of the equation.

[From Slate]

Sucks for you, Tom Cruise. I don’t know why, but it makes me deliciously happy. I hope somewhere deep in his subconscious, Tom is keeping a list of all his epic fails.

Slate also noticed that United Artists – the film studio which Cruise now heads up – seems to have altered images of German hero Claus von Stauffenberg to make him look more like Tom Cruise. Tom plays von Stauffenberg in the upcoming film Valkyrie.

The first photo set is the side-by-side version that United Artists released. They look pretty similar, no?

This next set adds an AP photo of von Stauffenberg (left).

In the last photo, one of Slate’s designers overlaid the AP photo of von Stauffenberg with the version released by United Artists – then put THAT photo next to their photo of Tom Cruise.

Jim Festante, a Slate designer, wrote: “Look @ the nose, mouth, and chin. Definite (but slight) altering. Also, the head’s width is squeezed slightly.” And then designer Holly Allen added this: “To me, the nose looks different and definitely the eyebrows. Cheekbones and angle of the chin, too.” Finally, as a coup de grace, designer Jacob Berlow overlaid the AP photo of von Stauffenberg with the United Artists version. Looks like someone tweaked the photo.

[From Slate]

Looks like someone at United Artists must not be feeling so confident about Valkyrie if they went to so much effort to make Tom Cruise appear more legitimate.

There are a lot of stories in the tabloids this week about how Katie Holmes is once again under her husband Tom Cruise’s thumb or something. The main one is a cover story in Life & Style that reads “Katie: Tom’s Prisoner Again!” and focuses on the fact that Tom is apartment hunting in NY with Katie ahead of her fall Broadway debut. She supposedly wanted maintain her own place in NY with visits from her husband and daughter, but Tom insisted on coming and setting up house there, just like when she was on set for Mad Money in Louisiana. There are also some maybe-true details that show how airless and dark it is in Katie’s gilded cage. They say she is only shuttled between her hotel and rehearsals and that she’s accompanied by a bodyguard at all times who whisks her off in a waiting SUV. She probably has breaks for shopping, though.

Life & Style compares Katie’s well-monitored and controlled life to her statements before she got married. In 2005 she said “New York has so much to offer… I get stir-crazy if I don’t go out… twice a week. I need to feel like I’m part of the world.”

Katie seems like a willing prisoner to me, and if I was working in another city I would want my husband and son to come along too. Damn you, Life & Style, for making me defend that cult spokeswhore couple.

One article that seems to have an element of truth to it is In Touch’s claim that Tom Cruise has a whole fleet of bombproof and bullet proof SUVs. Someone takes his roles as action hero a little too seriously:

The 45-year-old superstar has a fleet of very expensive cars and all of them are equipped with bulletproof windows and are bombproof, too. “It sounds like he’s taken a page out of one of his action movies,” explains an insider. “A-list celebrities know they can’t be too careful. Tom’s vehicles look perfectly normal, but in reality they are more like armored trucks…”

All of Tom’s chauffeurs are professionally trained defensive drivers, says the insider, so they can get him out of traffic problems and protect him from possible trouble. Still, he often prefers to drive his wife, Katie, and his three children himself.

[From In Touch, print edition, June 23, 2008]

In Touch also notes that Cruise has plenty of other vehicles, including “practical everyday cars, classic collectibles and high-powered sports cars like the Porsche 911.” Must be nice. My husband loves Porsches too, but we can’t afford one.

Would you trade your thoughts and free will for a relationship with a man who had nearly unlimited resources? There are plenty of women who would. At least Katie doesn’t have to worry if she’s safe in those giant tricked-out SUVs. She’s got plenty of muscle and steel to keep her safe in her well-accessorized cocoon for years to come.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are shown out to dinner on 5/5/08, thanks to Splash News. Isn’t it comical how much bigger she looks?

Tom Cruise can launch a fancy website touting his 25 years of success in film, go on Oprah with tons of celebrity supporters, and tote around his adorable toddler and beaming wide-eyed wife all he wants. All he has to do is get defensive and the public is reminded that he’s the pint-sized spokesperson for one of the worlds most dangerous and prolific cults.

Today Tom Cruise’s lawyer compared popular television psychiatrist Dr. Drew Pinksy to notorious Nazi propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels after Pinksy dared criticize Cruise for his involvement in the cult. Tom Cruise himself has been compared to Goebbels by a prominent German WWII historian, and calling anyone that practices psychiatry a Nazi is typical Scientolo-speak.

In next month’s Playboy, Dr. Drew Pinsky, host of VH1’s “Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew,” says: “A lot of people in the public eye who behave strangely have mental illness we can learn from, and much of it is based on childhood trauma, without a doubt. Take a guy like Tom Cruise. Why would somebody be drawn into a cultish kind of environment like Scientology? To me, that’s a function of a very deep emptiness and suggests serious neglect in childhood - maybe some abuse, but mostly neglect.” Cruise’s lawyer, Bert Fields, told us: “This unqualified television performer who is obviously just looking for notoriety is so grotesquely unprofessional as to pretend to diagnose Tom and others without ever meeting them. He seems to be spewing the absurdity that all Scientologists are mentally ill. The last time we heard garbage like this was from Joseph Goebbels.”

[From The NY Post]

Cruise called psychiatry a “Nazi science” in a 2005 interview with Entertainment Weekly, and cited a bunch of supposed connections between psychiatry and the Nazis that could be considered tenuous at best, and weren’t even true.

Scientology creator L. Ron Hubbard blamed psychiatry for all crime, said it was founded by the Nazis, called psychiatrists murderers and said they “destroyed every great civilization to date.” One of the main goals of Scientology is to eradicate psychiatry and outlaw all psychiatric drugs.

Cruise’s lawyer should have used their tired old defense that any criticism of Scientology is somehow religious intolerance, but instead he resorted to that ridiculous Nazi comparison and reminded us why Cruise fell out of the public’s good graces in the first place.

I wonder when that shitty Valkyrie film will finally come out. All it will take is one former Scientologist sitting in the audience to point out how much of L. Ron’s doctrine is secretly hidden in that film. Once that movie tanks and it’s pointed out that it’s a vehicle to disseminate Scientology Cruise will have to do a lot more than smile and show off his family to save his image.

After all the speculation and stories that Tom Cruise was setting up house in NY and wasn’t allowing his wide-eyed bride Katie Holmes any time to herself, Katie flew to NY alone ahead of her Broadway debut. It’s unknown if she’s still alone doing preparation for her play, All My Sons, but she probably had at least a day or two without her husband and daughter Suri, 2.

Katie Holmes is asserting her independence: She flew off by herself to New York to prepare for a play, say sources…

On May 19, said the pal, she left 45-year-old Tom behind and flew by private plane from California to the East Coast…

Tom had no problem with Katie, 29, taking to the stage - but he made it clear he’d be right by her side in New York.

“Katie told Tom she was going alone right now because she needed to shop, check on plans for a family home and meet with producers,” said the source.

“But Tom said he’d pack up daughter Suri and they’d go as a family.”

That’s when Katie told Tom he could join her later, says the source, but for now she was heading out alone!

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, June 2, 2008]

It’s hard to tell from that story if Katie brought Suri with her, because she’s not mentioned and they only say that she “left Tom behind.” Either way, it’s a means for Katie to strike out on her own without Tom and try to resurrect (or create, depending on your perspective) her career with hard work.

The show is due to premiere in September, with an official opening in October. Katie won’t be in NY for long. According to the print edition of In Touch, Tom and Katie are planning a huge housewarming party for their $35 million recently renovated and decorated mansion in Beverly Hills on May 31.

Photos are from the Costume Institute Gala on 5/5/08, thanks to WENN. We haven’t seen any photos of them in a while, so maybe it’s true that they’re apart for a short time.

The Cruise-Holmes at an LA Galaxy game with Suri and co. on 5/10/08, thanks to Splash
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes sent upscale baby boutique Petit Trésor a cease and desist letter asking them to no longer use their names in promotional materials or leak any alleged details of their shopping habits at the store to the press. The Holmes-Cruises took issue with an “on the record” quote from representatives of the store to Life & Style that they spent $350,000 to $400,000 there in the two years since Suri was born. Lawyers for the cult-loving couple say that claim is false and that it also violates their confidentiality. The letter demands that no further details be leaked to the press:

This firm represents Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. It has come to our attention that representatives of Petit Trésor falsely informed Life & Style - on the record - that Mr. Cruise and Ms. Holmes have spent $350,000 - $400,000 at your stores on their daughter in the past two years. Not only does this statement violate our clients’ confidentiality, but it is simply false. We also understand that you have informed other tabloids that our clients have purchased various items at your stores that they have not in fact purchased, and that they have shopped there at times that they have not.

It appears that Petit Trésor has “leaked” this false information to the tabloids for the purpose of enhancing its image and obtaining a commercial advantage. This conduct violates our clients’ rights of privacy and rights of publicity. Accordingly, we hereby request that you no longer use our clients as part of your public relations and marketing efforts.

Please do not say anything (whether true or false) about Mr. Cruise and Ms. Holmes’ shopping habits.

[Excerpt of letter sent to Petit Trésor from Cruise’s lawyers, posted on TMZ]

Although I hate to admit it, I have to side with the Holmes-Cruise Suri team on this one. How’s a girl to escape mind-numbing auditing sessions and hours spent holding metal cylinders if she can’t even shop in privacy for the toddler she fears losing? Stores should be content to have Katie and Tom spend tens to hundreds of thousands on clothing and accessories their child will wear for a fraction of a day in her well-documented life. Petit Trésor is just ruining it by getting greedy and trying to rope in more customers by using them for publicity. You think they would know better than to talk constantly about their celebrity customers, but maybe the resulting upturn in business more than makes up for the occasional nasty letter and one or two big-spending customers lost.

In another desperate attempt to win back some of the public good will he gained when baby Suri was born, then lost when his non-stop Scientology blabfest culminated with a video of him singing and dancing like a doofus on a cruise ship, Tom Cruise is dropping hints all over the place that he and his programmed automaton wife, Katie “Her Name is Kate, Bitches!” Holmes are working on a sequel. Apparently he’s been wanting to plant yet another Scientoloseed in his young bride’s womb for quite some time, but she hasn’t been ready until now. Must have been that new software upgrade.

Do Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have a joint production in the works?

We don’t mean the movie kind, either: We hear they want to have another a baby.

According to friends who schmoozed with the Cruises in New York earlier this week, Katie wants to have another baby soon, and she has been hinting as much to her husband.

“She said she’s got the itch,” said a friend close to the pair. “Now that Suri is more toddler than baby, she said she misses having an infant in the house. And, of course, she thinks Suri would make a great big sister.”

And what does Tom think? Read on for what our source told us…

Tom seems totally into the idea.

“He said if Katie wants to make another baby, she doesn’t have to ask twice,” said the pal of the power couple. “He always wanted more. It was Katie who has been holding off. Until now.”

[From E! News]

Well, since Katie pretty much wrecked her movie career by dropping out of the Batman franchise in order to star in a crappy bank heist chick flick with Queen Latifah, what else does she have to do these days, besides shop and have her hard drive swapped out every few months? A note to Katie: you might want to work on getting two-year-old Suri off the bottle before putting another bun in your oven. Maybe Rachael Ray can stop by Casa Crazy after she’s done weaning Leah Remini’s monster toddler.

Thanks to WENN for these photos from the Costume Institute Gala on 5/5/08.

I don’t know how it happened, but it seems that someone’s gotten to Tom Cruise – and I’m going to guess it’s someone in PR. Though it boggles my mind, Tom actually gave a reasonably normal and rational (at least for him) interview with Oprah – and from Us Weekly’s excerpts, it seems that the two got along well, though Oprah admitted to being a little hesitant at first.

Tom explains that he jumped on Oprah’s couch because he was just “so in love” with Katie Holmes, and he didn’t know how else to express it. As delusional as he can be, he seems to at least be able to understand that the results weren’t a great thing for his career.

Cruise tells Winfrey, “I just felt that way, and I feel that way about her. I can’t even articulate it, to be honest,” he adds. “That feeling, that connection. Just who she is and what she means to me.”

Of the negative response to his couch jumping, Cruise says, “It just kind of kept going. Those things I kind of go, ‘You just have to take in stride.’ It just kind of became a confluence of things.”

[From Us Magazine]

Tom even goes on to say that he’s relaxed his views about psychiatric medication a little bit. He had freaked out on Matt Lauer about the issue a few weeks following the Oprah couch jumping. Tom obviously still doesn’t support it, but is at least smart enough to say that it should be a parent’s decision.

Tom also says that he regretted criticizing Brooke Shields, who admitted to taking Paxil for post-partum depression. He doesn’t say he thinks she made a good decision, but says he regrets mentioning her in any way.

“I was feeling pressed in the interview with Matt Lauer,” Cruise says. “For me, my issue was really about child drugging. It’s not like it is today, like people are really kind of openly talking about this.”

(Cruise now says of medicating children, “I think the parent should be able to and should make that decision.”)

[From Us Magazine]

Tom glosses over some issues, like whether he thinks he’s targeted more for being a Scientologist, the reasons he and Katie waited so long to “debut” Suri, and the insinuation that his marriage to Katie Holmes is fake. But he actually does admit that he’s made some mistakes and could have done some things better.

It’s hard to tell if he really means it, but at least he’s got some better PR advice and knows to say it. In the past Tom has been so egocentric that he couldn’t seem to even understand how poorly he was coming across. It’ll be really interesting to see the interview in its entirety, which airs this afternoon.

Header photo of Tom and Katie at the LACMA’s Opening Celebration of the Broad Contemporary Art Museum in Los Angeles on February 2nd. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Nicole Kidman is obviously getting a bit tired of the speculation about her puny baby bump, doing her best to make it look bigger at a United Nations Conference.

Nic’s in NY raising awareness of violence against women, in her role as a UN Goodwill Ambassador.

I can sympathize with her small bump – I had a minor bulge that well into my eighth month meant I didn’t look terribly pregnant. Unlike Nicole, I didn’t have the entire world aware of my pregnancy, and people just thought I was getting fat.

I was a little surprised to see Nicole Kidman in New York, as on that same day her father was undergoing scheduled heart surgery.

The actress’ sister Antonia revealed the news on Monday (21Apr08) at a TV prizegiving in Sydney.

Collecting the ASTRA Award for Favourite Female Personality, Antonia held back tears as she accepted the honour onstage at the Hordern Pavilion.

She said, “It is a sweet end to a sad day because my dad’s in hospital.”

She refused to reveal more, but reports suggest the Kidman patriarch, a renowned psychologist, underwent scheduled heart surgery hours before his daughter collected her TV award.

Contact Music

I guess the surgery must have been very routine and simple, but they’re still cutting open your chest, swinging open your ribcage and poking around in your chest. I think I’d make the trip to be by dad’s side if I could, and I’m pretty sure the UN would give you the day off. Even the women being subjected to violence would probably understand you needing to be with your dad on that kind of a day.

I guess there was no danger, and Nicole really wanted to fulfill her commitments. She hasn’t got much time left to perform her Ambassador duties with a baby on the way.

Nicole made no mention of her son Connor entering into the film industry, appearing in Seven Pounds with Will Smith. While I think the news was released after her appearance, I also get the impression that Nicole doesn’t see as much of her adopted children with Tom Cruise as what she once did. They (Isabella and Connor) are now 15 and 13 respectively, and probably want to spend more time with their friends than with their parents. Nicole has just bought a home near the Cruise compound in LA, so she might be able to start using that 50/50 shared custody agreement she has with her ex-husband, although it might be too late to reverse the Scientology brainwashing.

In effort to combat the rumors swirling about an impending divorce, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes shared a very public make out session. Suri Cruise was unfortunately being held by Katie at the time. Isn’t that child abuse?

“The fabulous Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise are on their way to a split and a trail separation? They are all set to battle for Suri? Forget it. The couple that used to make out in public in front of cameras while giggling and acting so much in love are back at it, though this time it took a long range lens from the sky to catch the couple kissing.”

[National Ledger]

During Suri’s second birthday party the crazy couch jumper and his brainwashed bride took time to show their unrequited love for each other. They were surrounded by hundreds of balloons and a giant chalk drawing that read “Happy B-Day Suri.” Coincidently enough hundreds of paparazzi, including a chopper, were also there to capture the moment. As Tom and Katie shared an inappropriately long and slobbery kiss the cameras snapped away. It was a blatant move to prove the separation rumors wrong.

Connor and Isabel were also let out of their respective underground kennels to attend the party for Suri. The kids joined a swarm of Scientologist “friends” in wishing the heir of Cruise a happy birthday. Everyone was holding what appeared to be a white fedora with green ribbon accented with daisies. Most of the ladies also carried around a ring of daisies that I am guessing was going to be used in some sort of Coneheads-like mating ritual for the adults.

I was so happy for Katie when I read that she finally wised up. Alas, rumors are no match for “The Tom.” I am guessing he put the kibosh on any of her feeble attempts of freedom. I feel like I should bake a cake with a file in it and send it to her.

Check out the photos on D-Listed and I’m Not Obsessed.

Katie Holmes and Victoria Beckham in Paris. October, 2006

Victoria Beckham sure is having a bad day today. Nobody wants her. According to the Daily Mail, Tom Cruise has had just about enough of Posh and her bad influence on wifebot Katie Holmes. He seems to feel that Katie and Posh have morphed into the same person, who I like to call Kosh. Apparently the weight Katie has lost recently isn’t due to Tom refusing to feed her anything but barely water and vitamins. Instead it’s due to Victoria’s bad influence, and he wants to put a stop to their friendship. And as a little more salt in the wound, Fred Segal and Kitson have dumped Posh’s denim line. Everyone’s dumping poor Vicky.

Victoria Beckham’s new best friends may be Hollywood’s biggest stars – but Tom Cruise is concerned that the Spice Girl is rubbing off on his wife just a bit too much. According to my spies in LA, the actor is keen to put some distance between his actress wife Katie Holmes and Victoria, who have morphed into each other.

“Katie sees Victoria as a role model,” says my mole. “She copies Victoria’s look and even cut her hair the same way. But it concerns Tom that Katie has lost so much weight recently. She is very thin largely because she is following Victoria’s strict 900-calories-a-day eating plan. She is copying Victoria’s fad of eating seaweed shakes, frozen grapes and edamame beans. She is tiny.”

[From the Daily Mail]

Every so often you hear a story about Victoria giving someone a piece of her mind. It always comes as a surprise since you never really hear her say anything publicly. I always assumed she lacked a voice box. But something tells me Tom’s concern over Posh’s influence in Katie’s life may also have to do with the fact that she’s openly stated she’s not falling for Scientology. And we all know Tom has to control everything and everyone. It seems likely that Posh isn’t the drone Tom requires in a person, and that’s the real problem. Not that I’m supporting a 900 calorie a day lifestyle. But something tells me the problem has less to do with frozen grapes and more to do with Tom’s paralyzing fear of his wifebot being deprogrammed.