Last night was the LA premiere of This Means War. Reese Witherspoon really, really needs this to be a hit film. Will you see it? I won’t. It just looks awful to me, but I suspect the film will do well. Anyway, Reese is really trying this sexy-bombshell image with yet another too-tight strapless dress. The cut of this Miu Miu dress reminds me of Reese’s Jessica Rabbit look at the Globes. We get it, Reese. You have boobs. Also: I hate her hair these days. She said she got bangs to cover up a forehead scar, and while I understand the idea behind it, the execution leaves something to be desired. The length of the bangs and the length of the rest of her hair, how forcibly “unkempt” it looks these days… it’s not my favorite thing.

And here’s Chelsea Handler at the premiere. Her dress is Elizabeth and James, and it’s not really that flattering on her. I don’t care for mullet dresses or horizontal stripes, though, so maybe that’s throwing me off. I love how busted Chelsea looks even when she’s TRYING.

Here’s Chris Pine. Meh. He’s boringly handsome.

And here’s Tom Hardy and his back-on girlfriend Charlotte Riley. Methinks Charlotte put the Hardy dong on lojack, you know? I would too. That man may have Alfalfa hair and a crazy-man beard, but he is FINE.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Last night was the UK premiere of This Means War, that absolutely horrible-looking Reese Witherspoon vehicle which is just a rip-off of Mr. and Mrs. Smith (only in this one, the two spies are dudes and “the girl” is just a clumsy ditz!). Reese wore Louis Vuitton for the premiere, which… maybe on Cate Blanchett, I might kind of like this dress. But is it just me, or is this dress really unflattering on Reese’s figure? It makes her look really thick in the middle, and she’s NOT. It also makes her look like she’s hiding a boob job, which she very well may be hiding (new husband, new boobs?). Should I even say anything about the bangs (trauma)? I think Reese has a pretty heart-shaped face, and these scraggily, flat-ironed bangs don’t do much. I almost wish she had just kept the Jennifer Aniston-esque “beachy ditz” styling.

So unflattering. Why is she smiling like that? She’s going to bust something, she’s trying so hard.

Reese’s costars also walked the red carpet – here’s Chris Pine. This boy is handsome, but he does nothing for me. I think his attractive face seems kind of douchey.

But Tom Hardy was also there, and I need some alone time with these photos. JESUS. *fans self* Tom Hardy with a beard and a scarf? Who knew? He looks gorgeous. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), Tom seems to be back with his ex-fiancée, Charlotte Riley. They broke up a year ago (after Tom seemed to have gotten cozy with Lindsay Lohan!!!), but I guess they’re back on. She was at the premiere too, and they posed together briefly, but not exclusively. Don’t even get me started on her bow-covered dress.

Photos courtesy of WENN, Fame/Flynet.

HUZZAH. These are new photos of Tom Hardy at the National Ballet Christmas Party in London. Don’t ask me why Tom was at a party for ballerinas. I have no idea. I suspect he was probably trying to bone a ballerina, or he is currently boning a ballerina and she promised him free booze at the Christmas party. Or maybe he’s just a patron of the arts? Whatever it is, he’s doing WAY more than Duchess Kate, and doesn’t that crack you up? Anyway, note how awesome Tom looks in these photos. His hair has grown out since we last saw him – he shaved his head to play Bane in The Dark Knight Rises. He also bulked up, and the whole thing gave him a very Vin Diesel/Shrek vibe. Remember this?

Gross. Would not hit it. But I would hit this:

Right? What a difference a little bit of hair makes, and I’m usually not That Girl. For the most part, I don’t care about a guy’s hair. Bald, receding hairline, or shaggy locks, I’m an equal opportunity dude-appreciator. But Tom Hardy is just one of those guys who shouldn’t shave his head.

By the way, you know how Mission Impossible 4 is coming out this weekend? Well, it was probably already going to have a great box office, but it’s going to get an even further push by Batman nerds. Christopher Nolan has issued a “six-minute prologue” of The Dark Knight Rises to be shown on “select IMAX screens” before MI4. And the prologue is very Bane/Tom Hardy heavy. Nolan says: “I wanted to create a self-contained short film with this prologue. It always felt like it should be the beginning of the film and the introduction of the villain.” Nolan also explained the casting choice of Tom Hardy for Bane: “I decided we needed someone like Tom in this role. He’s really thinking about every gesture his character makes, what he sounds like and how he moves. He has a very skillful awareness of his character’s physicality.” Sold. I hope the “prologue” gets released online.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Last night, there was a screening for Warrior, that film that… (whispers) I kind of want to see. I know it’s a boy movie, I know I’ll probably hate all of the boxing/fighting crap. But it looks interesting. That being said, the star of the film, Tom Hardy, isn’t really selling me in these photos from the premiere. I know his head is shaved for Bane. I know he looks so meaty and Shrek-y for Bane. I know it’s just a temporary thing. But does he have to do the all-black gangster outfit too? He looks like a 50-something mobster with a prostate problem. Sigh… and I was back to liking him after that funny interview. Now I’m back to declaring him “The Anti-Biscuit Tingle”. Look at this grossness:

So because I’m not hot for Tom anymore, I can pay some attention to his Warrior costar, Joel Edgerton. Hello, sailor.

And here’s Jennifer Morrison (she plays Joel’s wife in the film) in a pretty party dress. She looks nice, but I’d like to see her go darker with her hair.

And Nick Nolte, looking like the strange old bastard that he is.

Here’s the trailer again:

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

Tom Hardy is featured in the latest issue of Dazed & Confused. The photos were taken before his unfortunate head-shaving incident, which he did for the Bane character in The Dark Knight Rises. As we’ve discussed before, Tom looks much, much better with hair. Without hair, he turns into a nondescript meathead, a budget Vin Diesel-type. Anyway, since the photos are kind of meh (I’m not feeling anything for Tom lately, though), I wasn’t even going to write about this. But then I read the interview – he’s really funny! He’s funny in that specific way English people are funny – like, he’s self-effacing and he has a great turn of phrase, and he’s not a Gwyneth-style humble-bragger. He’s really trying to convince us that he’s not a badass. Here are some highlights from the Dazed & Confused piece:

Tom on her career, post-Bronson: Hardy has been the “go-to guy for nutters”, as he puts it. He’s climbed into the minds of a kaleidoscopic criminal underworld of misfits, gangsters (there are rumours he is soon to play a young Al Capone) and psychopaths with chameleonic ease. In real life, happily, he’s not half as psychotic as his onscreen personas. ”Since Bronson I’ve had a lot of lumps to play,” the 33-year-old says today. “I’ve ended up doing a lot of fighting, which is not really my thing at all! But I know what frightens me, and I use that.”

On The Dark Knight Rises: This being Nolan, the script is locked up as securely as Charlie Bronson, and the ending currently only exists in the director’s mind. “Sorry, it wouldn’t be worth my life,” the ordinarily candid actor shrugs in response to questions about the film. Just one picture has been released of Hardy, rippled back to the camera, as Gotham City’s venom-addicted ‘Bane’ – born and raised in prison, and famous in the DC comics for breaking Batman’s back.

Hardy on his trainer: Hardy has pumped-up with the help of his trainer “P-nut”, the Bronx-born former Marine who has assisted the actor’s extraordinary physical metamorphoses since Bronson. “We decide what I want to look like,” Hardy explains, “and then he helps me get there. He’s my nanny, my best friend, my ‘manpanion’. And he also does a great rock ballad.”

Working on Warrior: Damage included cracked ribs, a broken toe and a torn ligament in his wrist. It’s not exactly a surprise, when asked what he looks for in a script, that Hardy says “a challenge”. “Well, it always seems like a good idea until you’re twelve weeks in, on a diet of chicken and broccoli, and you think, ‘F–king hell, what am I doing?!’” he says. Doesn’t he ever long for a nice rom-com? “Doing a rom-com would be a lot scarier,” he laughs.

Hardy on his childhood: You don’t meet many cage-fighters or industrial spies in leafy East Sheen, London, where Hardy grew up. But the only child of a comedy-writer father and artist mother had energy to burn and a “head like a disco ball”. and he managed to discover the wilder edges of net-curtained suburbia. “It was very privileged, and there was a certain amount of free reign,” he says. “You know, ‘he’s just expressing himself’. A reasonable degree of intelligence and curiosity, combined with hormones and testosterone, and you’re going to have trouble. I just ran riot really. And that carried on into my adult life, when the toys were no longer Buzz Lightyear, you’re dealing with everything from drugs to theft…” he pauses, “It becomes a different playground, and that darkness creeps in. Idle thumbs, isn’t it? Typical suburban story for many.”

Hardy’s misspent youth: The not-so-typical story that everyone likes to quote about Hardy, is that he was arrested aged 15 joyriding in a stolen Mercedes and in possession of a gun, he might have faced 14 years behind bars. Expelled from his public school, alcoholism and crack addiction followed in his late teens and early 20s. Hardy has always been wryly honest about the depths of the abyss he toppled into, whether it was lying in a pool of vomit on Old Compton Street with a crack pipe in his hand, or missing a Hollywood meeting with John Woo because he woke up somewhere in downtown LA, naked, next to a guy, a cat and a gun with its safety off.

His childhood wasn’t THAT dark: “East Sheen wasn’t exactly the Bronx. I was only pottering around suburbia being a twat. That doesn’t make me some crusader or badass. I think what labels it as dark is that one is capable of going to a place that is willful,” he pauses. “Finding some kind of elation from doing something that’s naughty. As you get older those options become more abundant. You could just as soon choose to knit or get really good at Sudoku… or you could get into the ins and outs of how to wash up crack, or how to strip a Browning 9mm, or how to find and purchase one in the city of London. Because you’re interested, because it’s a bit dodgy and nobody else is doing it. Probably it was attention-seeking, really, at the end of the day. It’s taken me a while to get all of those tools into the right arena.”

Reactionary: “I’ve always been a bit reactionary around authority. Normally that petulance would come out when I had failed to achieve something. And my reaction would be, ‘Well, why am I listening to you anyway?’ Very teenager.”

Early roles: He won roles in Stephen Spielberg’s Band of Brothers and Ridley Scott’s Black Hawk Down (he persuaded Scott to let him do his own stunts, including setting himself on fire). Then a “star-vehicle” arrived, in the shape of the schizoid alien villain in Star Trek: Nemesis. Through no fault of Hardy’s, it flopped. “I ended up in hospital just after it came out,” he explained later. “I broke down physically, spiritually, mentally.”

[From Dazed & Confused via ONTD]

When Tom talks about his sketchy past with such honesty, he reminds me a bit of Russell Brand – two Englishmen who with debauched youths, who found sobriety and purpose and career success. Plus, I just love this quote: “I was only pottering around suburbia being a twat. That doesn’t make me some crusader or badass.” Okay, I’m back in love with him a little bit.

Photos courtesy of Dazed and Confused.

****SPOILERS (I think?)****

Here are some photos from the Pittsburgh set of The Dark Knight Also Thinks About Rising Sometimes, the third installment from Christopher Nolan’s Batman franchise. We don’t have access to the pics of Christian Bale in his Batman gear, but hey, you’ve seen that junk before, so it’s not biggie. What I will say is that Bale doesn’t look like he really did the work to bulk up for this third film. His body says to me, “Eh, I’ll let the suit do the work, damn it.”

I guess this Bale working on a fight sequence with Bane, played by Tom Hardy, only I’m pretty sure the meaty bald guy that you see in these pics is actually Tom Hardy’s stunt guy/body double. But I do think that’s actually Tom Hardy in the Bane costume, with the ventilator on or whatever. I wish I could do a SPOILER for the ventilator, but I have no idea what it’s for or anything. Is the film keeping it real?

Other thoughts: I still don’t like Tom Hardy bald and meaty. He looks so gross. I hope Bane is worth it, and maybe it will be different once we see the film. Also, I’m really starting to worry about Anne Hathaway as Catwoman. We haven’t seen any photos of her, and there’s been barely any talk about how she’s doing. I’m worried.

Photos courtesy of Fame.

Last week, the trailer for The Dark Knight Rises “leaked” but I never got a chance to see it before it was pulled. So, I have no idea if what leaked was this official, Christopher Nolan-sanctioned teaser trailer which just dropped. It’s only a minute and a half, and most of the imagery in here is from the first two Batmans, with new footage of Gary Oldman’s character laying in a hospital bed, speaking to (presumably) Bruce Wayne, not in his Batman costume (spoiler?). We also get a split-second glimpse of Tom Hardy as Bane. Hardy looks… GIANT. Here’s a question? Why is Batman doing hand-to-hand combat with Bane?

So, let’s see: we still don’t have any idea what Anne Hathaway’s Selina Kyle/Catwoman costume looks like, and I still don’t have a clear idea exactly what Marion Cotillard is doing in this film. This is a consistent problem with Nolan’s films – I think he’s a wonderfully talented director, but he has a tin ear when it comes to female characters and casting the right actress for the part. Katie Holmes? Maggie Gyllenhaal? Hilary Swank (in Insomnia)? Nolan only cares about dong. And giving the dongs good storylines.

Last: Poor Gary Oldman! I didn’t realize his character was going to be at death’s door in this film. It makes me wonder what they’re going to do with Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman’s characters. Everybody’s gonna die, methinks.

Photos courtesy of WENN, plus promotional images.

I’m probably dating myself, but some of my earliest childhood memories revolve around the Cold War. I have vivid memories of Ronald Reagan’s speeches, of “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!” I remember “Perestroika”. I remember Reagan and Gorbachev’s infamous “walk in the woods” and of course, I remember when The Wall came down. Some days, I actually miss the Cold War, and I still get nostalgic for Cold War-ish things. Like when I catch an old James Bond movie, or when I’m watching a PBS documentary.

So imagine my delight when I heard there was a remake of John le Carré’s Cold War opus, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy. The book had already been adapted for film, back when it was “breaking news” in the actual Cold War. And now it’s been remade anew, with a completely spectacular cast – Tom Hardy, Colin Firth, Mark Strong, Gary Oldman, Benedict, Ciaran Hinds and Benedict Cumberbatch, just to name a few. The basic story – well, there’s nothing basic about it. It’s all spy stuff, double and triple bluffs, heavy on the 1970s Cold War atmosphere. But it’s about the hunt for a Soviet spy in the highest level of British intelligence. And the trailer/teaser for the film just came out, and I LOVE IT. I want to get this trailer pregnant. It’s totally Cold War Porn.

Photos courtesy of WENN & PCN.

OH NO. This is what happens when you are attracted to someone you really shouldn’t even bother. This is what happens when you give some dude the benefit of the doubt, over and over and over again, until you realize that he’s A) Actually not that hot, and B) Actually kind of gross. This realization just hit me as I glanced at these new photos of Tom Hardy, promoting his new film Warrior in Paris. This is how Tom used to look, when he was hot:

What’s the difference? Is it just hair?!? Hair and weight? Tom has always been built – not in a “I hang out in the gym five days a week” built, but built like he got his muscles doing hard labor. He’s bulked up to play Bane in The Dark Knight Rises, and I’m assuming that’s why his head is shaved too. But dear God, I had no idea he would look so… so… VIN DIESEL like this. The only thing keeping Tom Hardy from looking like Shrek is hair?!? Ugh. Disappointing and gross. And don’t even get me started on how gross his lips look when he’s shorn and shiny. Blech.

Sidenote: I now totally believe Tom Hardy boned Lindsay Lohan. Only someone like Lindsay can completely suck the hotness out of someone.

The other dude in the photos is Joel Edgerton, Tom’s costar in Warrior. Here’s the trailer for Warrior. Seriously, Tom Hardy always needs hair. It makes all the difference in the world.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Oh, CRAP. Tom Hardy has split from his fiancée Charlotte Riley. Tom and Charlotte had been together for about two years, I think, and they got engaged last July. And now it’s over, allegedly (but I think it’s true). Tom didn’t attend the BAFTAs, even though he won the “BAFTA Rising Star” award, and his absence was felt. Now it looks like he skipped the BAFTAs because of this personal drama.

Tom Hardy has reportedly split from his actress fiancee Charlotte Riley, seven months after they got engaged.

The couple – who got engaged last July after dating for one year – reportedly broke up last month although the ‘Inception’ actor is said to be desperate to rekindle their relationship. A source told the Metro newspaper: “Tom and Charlotte broke up last month. He has been calling her a lot to try to patch things up.”

Tom, 33, and 28-year-old Charlotte first met on the set of the TV adaptation of ‘Wuthering Heights’ when they were cast as star-crossed lovers before going on to work together again in television drama ‘The Take’.

Speculation about the couple’s relationship has been mounting after Tom failed to make an appearance at Sunday’s (13.02.11) BAFTAs where he won the Orange Wednesdays Rising Star Award.

He is said to have sent an apology blaming “personal commitments” for his absence.

The actor – who has signed to star as a villain in Christopher Nolan’s latest Batman film ‘The Dark Knight Rises’ was previously married to Sarah Ward from 1999 to 2004.

He has a two-year-old son Louis Thomas Hardy with ex-girlfriend Rachael Speed.

Tom – who battled alcoholism and a crack cocaine addiction in his early-to mid-twenties – revealed last year he had relationships with men when he was younger.

He said: “I’m an actor for f**k’s sake. I’ve played with everything and everyone. I love the form and the physicality, but now that I’m in my thirties, it doesn’t do it for me. I’m done experimenting.”

[From Contact Music]

You know what my first thought was? Lindsay Lohan. She had been using Tom’s name in the various reports, claiming that he was her “sober mentor” and even reportedly telling friends that Tom came to see her in rehab, and that they were boning. So… was Lindsay involved in the split? Did her Typhoid Mary-esque crack vadge destroy Tom’s engagement. Tell me something ladies: if your fiancé was hanging around Lindsay Lohan, even for allegedly sober-coaching purposes, would you be cool with it? I wouldn’t. That crack vadge is radioactive.

Also: I’m really starting to think that Tom Hardy isn’t the Man-God everyone thinks he might be. There seems to be a really sleazy streak in him. Just a thought.

Photos courtesy of WENN.