Photos of a baby that’s proportedly Suri Cruise will be published in Vanity Fair tomorrow. Tom and Katie supposedly had the pictures taken by famous photographer Annie Liebowitz soon after “little” Suri’s birth, so her current age is impossible to tell. Speculation is rampant that Katie was already pregnant when she hooked up with Cruise, which would explain the suspect birth certificate, the couples’ unwillingness to take the baby out in public, and the odd size variations in Katie’s pregnant belly. Cruise has no other biological children, and is said to be sterile.

Katie was photographed looking tired and dazed outside of an LA spa, where she was treated to a much-needed massage.

Katie and Tom are said to have insisted on perfect pictures of their newborn. The photoshoot took place over 21 days and required lots of retouching. Suri was rumored to be a “runt” at the time, but in all likelihood she’s much bigger than she should be for a four and a half month-old.

In the only pictures seen of Suri so far, taken via helicopter outside the Cruise compound, Suri looks much bigger than a four month-old baby.

Someone blabbed to Star magazine that they overheard Katie Holmes having a legal-type lunch meeting in which it seemed like she was plotting to leave Tom. Given the vague content of the supposed conversation, however, it’s just as likely that she’s planning on suing someone in Hollywood for reneging on a contract:

In my opinion, Katie saying she wants to teach “him” a lesson means nothing. She really could be talking about some no-good producer who promised her a role.

Everyone wants Katie to leave Tom, and it’s possible that was what this meeting was about, but it really seems like Star is jumping to conclusions. They even show how easily a helicopter could fit into the back of Tom’s estate to whisk Katie and non-existent Suri away.

If Katie was having a “secret” meeting to plan on leaving Tom, would she do it at the popular “Beverly Hills Hotel?” I doubt it. She would whisper to some guy posing as a shoe salesman at Barneys. She wants to file suit for some other boring reason, and we’ll find out what it is soon enough. Of course I hope I’m wrong, though, because that would be good news indeed.

Thanks to popbytes for the Star scans and quote.

Tom Cruise has been relieved of his contract with Paramount Studios. At first the word was that he’d have to take a paycut of more than 75%, but now the studio is dropping him entirely. Instead of releasing a carefully worded statement that they’re cutting costs and have enjoyed working with Cruise, which is undoubtedly forthcoming, the head of Viacom, Paramount’s parent company, told the Wall Street Journal that Tom’s behavior was unacceptable!

Tom has got to be pissed. He travelled around the world in a crazed frenzy to promote MI3, all while supposedly having a non-existent newborn at home. That’s not enough for Paramount, because they want a star with average ambition and a verifiably normal home life.

A little more including pictures of Tom and Katie out to dinner are after the jump.
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Today I read somewhere that Katie Holmes went to a Hollywood party without Tom where the rule was “no guests,” but that she brought a Scientology handler who wouldn’t let her out of her sight. People said that Katie looked “dead in the eyes” and that everyone was talking about her. I looked through my browser history and did a google search and I cannot for the life of me figure out where I read this article. Did I dream it up? Is it old news? If you’ve seen this article, please comment here with the link.

Sorry for the half-story without a link, but I did read that and tried to figure out where I found it for about 20 minutes. That is forever in Internet time.

Here are some new pictures of Tom and Katie outside a stadium in Salt Lake City, Utah. They were in Utah to see Beckham play soccer and could have possibly stopped to see if that couple involved in an accident was hurt, and we reported yesterday, but it still sounds like a PR stunt to me.

Update Thanks to the commentor who pointed me to Perez Hilton’s site for the news. Katie did attend a girls-only party with a Scientology guard. Creepy!

Tom and Katie are also shown backstage at Cirque du Soleil on May 3rd. Thanks to Pink is the New Blog and KatieHolmes.com for these pics.

Suri was said to have attended the birthday party of Jada Pinkett and Will Smith’s son, Jaden, but there are no pictures and the wording of the description given by the supposed eyewitness is suspect. They use the same description of the baby that we’ve heard before “dark, curly hair,” “no physical deformities,” and “looks like Tom.” It could be because that’s how the baby actually looks, or because someone is feeding these lines to the press.

Does this sound true to you?

Meanwhile Katie and Tom are said to have “comforted accident victims” when they stopped to check on a couple after they were involved in a crash:

I don’t believe any of this. What’s wrong with me? Everything about Tom and Katie seems like it’s fake to me and I have trouble buying this story.

The person who posted this story on Oh No They Didn’t, Chung Chung, says “I call bullshit,” and that he/she remembers a similar story coming out about Tom helping an accident victim about ten years ago. If it was Matthew McConaughey, I would say it’s true, but Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? I doubt it.

So these far-away pictures of a supposed baby Suri where published on X17online, and I found myself reading all the comments on JustJared. I’m rather fascinated by the sordid baby Suri story, and personally believe that something incredibly fishy is going on. Like the pictures of the Loch Ness Monster (which some claim were just the trunks of submerged circus elephants bathing in the Loch) all is not what it seems. There’s something ominous and creepy about these photographs and they look staged.

Here are my favorite comments, organized by category, from JustJared.

These pictures are really fucking creepy, and make it seem like Katie is trapped

The Baby is too big. It’s older than they claim or it’s a doll:

It looks too big to be a baby…it’s probably Tom wearing diapers. It is truly scary as mentioned in other comments…I think when I do see the baby I will still never belive it is truly the couple’s real child. - Natalie

Uh, that looks like a 2 year old…and something is DEIFINTELY rotten in Denmark. I am so over Tom “Crazy Pants” Cruise. - redonkulous

this baby looks too big to be 4 months!! katie looks scarey looking out the window. i got chills, they’re multiplying! - diane

My friend’s baby is 10 months, 28″ tall and 18 pounds. My baby is 3 months old, 23″ tall and 15 pounds. Don’t make me cry by saying Suri couldn’t POSSIBLY be that big already- my guy’s a Sumo! - UberGoober

These pictures are staged:

It’s wrong to peep into the Cruise’s mansion:

About the conspiracy:

Whatever’s going on, these creepy ass pictures don’t clear it up!

Meanwhile the Beckhams have been invited to see the miracle changeling in person, but the list of rules are weird as hell. Maybe by inviting the Beckhams and telling them they can’t touch, photograph or talk to the baby, Cruise’s camp hopes to explain why the poor thing hasn’t seen the light of day.

MSNBC’s The Scoop borrows our unoriginal observation by calling Suri the “Loch Ness Monster of celebrity babies.”

Yeah, they’ll make that decision, uh, shortly. Just like they’ll get married any day now. All those preparations at the Celebrity Scientology Center were indeed for a big party as we reported, and not for a supposed wedding or non-existent Suri’s Scientology baptism. It was their 37th anniversary of brainwashing people, and John Travolta and Kelly Preston showed up, lest the Scientologists reveal their darkest secrets. TMZ has a video of Travolta dancing or something at the party, but it didn’t load for me. I’m so dissapointed.

Penelope Cruz said she’d met Suri, but then totally backtracked and made a weird roundabout statement about how she didn’t want to have to lie anymore.

Here are two guys who work at a radio station protesting outside a Scientology center in Portland. They’re “demanding the Cruise baby.” You really don’t have to watch this, you get the point.

The best is their protest sign with Cuba Gooding Jr. saying “Show me the Baby!”

“Where are here, do si do, show us Suri then we’ll go.” “It’s not fair, we all lose, please show us Suri Cruise”

They ask “Will we ever see the Polaroid of that little baby mongloid?” OMG That is so un-pc, I’m sorry, but it made me laugh.

The PopBitch e-mail newsletter claims that Tom Cruise is scoping out Neverland ranch and may possibly purchase the freaky estate from heavily in debt Michael Jackson:

Cruise has to know that this would be an incredibly stupid move. It doesn’t matter how nice the property, zoo, and amusement park are. It would tie him to weirdo Michael Jackson and the press would have a field day.

The newsletter goes on to say that Suri might just have a big birthmark and that could be the reason why she’s been shielded from view:

That’s possible, and a very clever excuse if Tom’s camp made it up. Why has nary a bundle, car seat or covered up little baby been seen though? I don’t buy it!

Meanwhile there are preparations underway at the Celebrity Scientology Center for what Pink is the New Blog speculates could be Suri’s unvieling or Tom and Katie’s wedding.

Rebels-Rebels had these pictures of the chandelier and tents covering the compound, and Mollygood has an eyewitness report that they seem to be gearing up for something.

DListed says that there’s a “37th Gala Event” on August 5th though, which just means they’re having some sort of Scientology party.

Tom Cruise has supposedly agreed on a fall wedding to seal his suspicious relationship with young Katie Holmes. No one quite believes that their changeling baby exists, even if there’s one prominent actress who’s willing to vouch for it. (Why didn’t Will Smith speak up too, huh?) So announcing a vague official date for their sham nuptuals should stem the rumors that they don’t really have a baby and their relationship is contractual, right?

There’s also a rumor that “hollywood insiders” are “scratching their heads” over Suri’s nonappearance and that Tom and Katie are fighting over how to introduce the fictional infant to the public. Someone read the blogs and made this shit up, because there’s no baby to show or relationship to lose:

The only reason Tom and Katie will get married at this point is to try and salvage Tom’s tanking career. I don’t buy any of the weird shit surrounding their relationship or supposed baby. Where’s the baby carriage, where’s a baby seat, where’s a carrier? They need to work harder to cover their deep, meandering tracks.

People are comparing Suri to Bigfoot, so I thought I’d change it to the Loch Ness Monster to be original. Like Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster, there are “eyewitness” accounts, but no verifiable photographs of the Scientology savior, Suri Cruise. Something’s wrong with the baby or it simply does not exist. Katie may have had it earlier than “expected” or she may have suffered an unfortunate miscarriage that hasn’t been acknowledged. Regardless there is something off about this story that needs to be exposed by the mainstream gossip press.

All sane celebrity friends of Tom and Katie have yet to see the baby, except for Leah Remini, a devout Scientologist who now claims to have seen the infant:

Yeah, so we’ll take your word for it, Leah Remini, even though Suri or a bundle resembling an infant has never been photographed despite hoards of paparrazi trailing the Holmes-Cruise family for the past three months. The infant also hasn’t been seen by non-Scientology celebrities since it was said to be born three months ago, and the “birth certificate” is suspect.

There’s a far-away blurry picture of Katie Holmes holding a tow-headed baby, but that’s probably a fake. There’s also a far-away picture of what looks like a baby carriage, but it could be a prop or something else entirely.

None of Katie’s family has seen the baby according to reports, but Katie was said to have visited them in Ohio at the end of May - and to have brought Suri with her! WTF is going on?!

Katie was spotted back in LA visiting her favorite overpriced store, Barneys. As one commentor on x17 points out, she didn’t buy any baby items. I always get something for my son when I’m shopping.

The bloggers always uncover stories before the mainstream press does, and this is no exception. It’s not as important as a lack of WMD in Iraq, but it’s just as obvious.

Header image from Pink is the New Blog. Other images from x17online.