Stupid people make me happy. Because they make me feel superior, and thus better about myself. If you were one of the reasonably rational people who assumed David Letterman’s attempted extortionist would make a plea deal, you’d be wrong. Because he is stupid on so many levels, Robert “Joe” Halderman is proceeding straight ahead with his trial. Well, after his equally stupid lawyer tried to get his case thrown out because he claimed Halderman wasn’t trying to extort Letterman, but really was trying to sell him a screenplay about his affair. Thus, it was just a business transaction. Can you believe the judge didn’t go for that? Anyway, the trial is marching onwards.

Just when it was becoming possible to watch the “Late Show with David Letterman” without thinking about the host’s extortion scandal, the case is back in the news.

Robert “Joe” Halderman, the CBS news producer accused of attempting to extort $2 million from Letterman, is due to appear in a Manhattan court Tuesday for the first hearing in the criminal case against him. Before even entering the courtroom, Halderman (who will likely appear, although Letterman probably won’t) was making news.

The New York Observer reported that since his Oct. 2 indictment, he’s raised $100,000 for his defense fund, which would seem to indicate that he won’t be taking any plea deal from the prosecution. If Halderman is found guilty of attempted grand larceny, he could face up to 15 years in state prison. Tuesday’s hearing will likely tackle the mundane issues involved with scheduling future proceedings, but don’t rule out some headline-making from Halderman’s attorney, according to NBC legal analyst Dan Abrams.

“The judge will address any legal issues in front of him, like what sort of evidence the defense is entitled to and when,” said Abrams. “In large part, however, they will assess what the broader legal questions are that need to be resolved and likely set dates for future proceedings. Watch for defense attorney Gerry Shargel, however, to continue his public assault on Letterman’s character. He may also try to make it seem as if he wants to move forward with a trial whether that is true or not. So don’t expect any grand revelations but based on the way Shargel has behaved already, I would not be surprised to hear some theatrics from the defense.”

[From MSNBC]

The angle of it being a legitimate business transaction didn’t work with the judge in terms of getting the case thrown out, but I’d bet that’s still going to be the defense’s argument. I can’t imagine what else they could come up with: there’s only so much creative brainpower between these two. Frankly, from a purely tactical point of view, I’m sort of impressed two boneheads managed to come up with the legit business angle. I mean it’s obvious bull and no one will buy it for a second, but any angle whatsoever is pretty shocking to me.

It’s going to suck for Halderman when he ends up doing the full 15 years. I think he’s genuinely so angry at Letterman that he believes his anger justifies what he did, and the jury will agree with him. If he had any sense whatsoever, he probably could have pleaded out to just a few years.

Here’s Robert Halderman outside of Manhattan Criminal Court today. Images thanks to WENN.com .

The extortion trial of two Bahamians charged with attempting to blackmail John Travolta has ended in a mistrial. The judge in the case suspected inappropriate behavior by one of the jurors in the trial during the deliberation process. This means that Travolta and his family will most likely have to go through this process all over again with a new jury.

A mistrial has been declared in the trial of two people accused of attempting to extort millions from actor John Travolta after the death of his 16-year-old son, Jett.

Judge Anita Allen thought someone in the jury had had inappropriate communications outside of the jury room, where jurors had been deliberating for eight hours.

The judge received information that an announcement had been made at a local political rally that one of the defendants had been found not guilty.

Paramedic Tarino Lightbourn and former Bahamian Sen. Pleasant Bridgewater, who is also Lightbourn’s attorney, were accused of trying to extort money from Travolta.

Jett Travolta suffered a seizure on January 2 at the family’s vacation home on the island of Grand Bahamas, where the family was spending a New Year’s holiday.

Lightbourn and Bridgewater allegedly tried to get Travolta to pay them $25 million to not make public a medical document, declining to have Jett transported to a nearby hospital. Travolta refused a demand for money.

Lightbourn and Bridgewater had pleaded not guilty.

While lawyers and journalists awaited the verdict Wednesday night, they were inundated with calls from colleagues that someone at a rally for the Progressive Liberal Party had announced that party member Bridgewater was “free at last.”

When the courtroom doors opened to a packed crowd, the jury foreman said the jurors needed more time to deliberate. However, Allen opted to discharge the jury.

“About two hours ago, there was an announcement at a particular political party,” she said. “It leaves the impression that there may have been a communication in the jury room. I am going to discharge you from returning your verdict.”

Allen then ordered a retrial.

“We would have liked to have had a verdict so there would be closure in this case, but we prefer to have a new trial,” said Travolta’s lawyer Michael Ossi. “We believe the evidence was very strong and convincing. The jury was deliberating for about eight hours. … If, in fact, Tarino Lightbourn or Pleasant Bridgewater were found not guilty, a verdict would have been read hours before this announcement.”

Carlson Shurland, Lightbourn’s lawyer, expressed disappointment over the judge’s ruling, saying the case has been a “financial nightmare.”

“Unfortunately, after a lot of expenses, I’m very, very disappointed,” he said. “I’m confident that we would have had a favorable verdict.”

Earlier in the trial, Travolta had testified that his son was found unresponsive by a nanny.

Travolta said he initially told the ambulance driver to rush them to an airport where his private jet was parked. Travolta, who is a pilot, planned to fly his son to a West Palm Beach, Florida, hospital instead of driving him to one in nearby Freeport.

The actor testified that while he and his wife, actress Kelly Preston, were riding in the ambulance with their son, they decided to take the teen to the hospital, instead of flying to Florida.

At the hospital, Travolta was told his son “wasn’t alive,” he said.

During the ambulance ride, Lightbourn asked Travolta to sign a statement releasing the ambulance company from liability.

“I received a liability of release document. I signed it. I did not read it. Time was of the essence,” Travolta testified.

Travolta testified that he later learned about a demand for $25 million. If he didn’t pay, “stories connected to that document would be sold to the press,” the actor said. “The stories would imply the death of my son was intentional and I was culpable somehow.”

An attorney representing Bridgewater and Lightbourn asked Travolta whether the defendants had ever contacted or threatened him directly. Travolta said they had not and that he had heard specifics about the situation through his attorneys.

Travolta’s attorney, Michael McDermott, testified that Bridgewater had told him that the “document would show [Travolta] killed his son or was negligent in the death of his son.”

Also, McDermott told the court that Bridgewater had claimed that the form was evidence that Travolta was “trying to flee the country with his dead son.”

“I said to Mrs. Bridgewater, ‘What you are doing is a criminal offense — it’s extortion in the United States,” McDermott testified.

McDermott said he contacted authorities and later met with Bridgewater in a Nassau hotel room for a conversation secretly recorded by Bahamian police.

The price for keeping the document under wraps was dropped through subsequent phone conversations. McDermott said it went from $25 million to $10 million.

[From CNN]

This must be extremely disappointing for the family, and I hope this whole mess can be sorted out. It’s hard to know whether the person at the political rally was just making up stories to please the crowd or if there was something even more sinister going on. It certainly doesn’t speak well of the government in the Bahamas if it’s true. Anyway, it looks like Travolta and wife Kelly Preston will have to go through this entire ugly and painful process again if they want to see these two clowns put in jail.

I’ve never found Kirsten Dunst very impressive. She’s there and that’s fine, but for the life of me I can’t figure out why she’s famous. She’s not the worst actress ever but there’s nothing noteworthy about her. Except her consistently messy appearance. Kirsten’s never struck me as particularly bright or self-aware, and now there’s a court record to confirm it. Yesterday she testified against the man who stole her purse from a hotel suite two years ago. The New York Post referred to her as “Kirsten Dunce” (snicker). She didn’t have the slightest idea how to present herself in a court of law and came off as a complete airhead; giggling and interrupting herself and saying “like” a lot.

Maybe Spider-Man could have saved her — from herself. Actress Kirsten Dunst giggled her way through a half-hour on a Manhattan witness stand yesterday, apparently at sea when it comes to speaking in public without the help of a Hollywood script. Dunst, 27, who plays love interest Mary Jane in all three “Spider-Man” movies, was in court to do the kind of serious work usually left to her on-screen superhero sweetie — nailing a thief, in this case the Brooklyn car mechanic accused of swiping her handbag in 2007.

But the ditzy Dunst virtually fluttered into court in a black blouse, tight black pants and black stilettos, flipping her long blond hair and giving the judge a perky “Hi, how ya doin’?” even before sitting down in the witness chair.

Then — in oddly cheerful testimony punctuated by girlish chirps of “I mean,” and “OK,” and “Like,” and “Yeah!” — the actress de scribed how, two years ago, she returned to her swanky penthouse suite at the Soho Grand to find her $2,000 Balenciaga purse had vanished from where she’d left it on a bed.

“We realized — yeah! — somebody had taken it,” the ac tress told jurors, de scribing the moment she and British co- star Simon Pegg re turned to the pent house to find their “things” had vanished. The $3,500-a-night suite was being used as a green room as they filmed scenes for “How to Lose Friends & Alienate People” in the hotel lobby and on West Broadway.

“Like, it could have been five times, I can’t really remember,” the star laughed when prosecutor Patricia Stolfi asked how many times she’d been in and out of the penthouse that night. Asked the approximate time, she giggled again, “The sun was setting. I mean rising! Excuse me!”

For all her giggles, Dunst did what prosecutors needed — tell jurors that [defendant] Jimenez did not have permission or authority to either enter her suite or possess her handbag.

[From the New York Post]

I would totally be cheerful and too excited to remember the difference between a setting and rising sun if I were testifying against a thief. Talk about flighty. I actually think it’s good Kirsten’s an actress. If her career depending on coming up with words on her own and putting them together in a coherent manner, she might not get far. She’s good at mastering the flip of the hair and confused giggle. And being rescued by spiders and whatnot. The Post noted that Dunst did get her purse back – minus the $2,000. The robber left it in a dumpster in Brooklyn. Clearly no lasting psychological harm was done, and I’m assuming it’s safe to say he’ll be convicted. All thanks to Kirsten’s edge-of-your-seat testimony.

Here’s Kirsten leaving New York City Supreme Court after testifying yesterday. Images thanks to WENN.com .

Anna Nicole Smith’s lawyer and faux boyfriend Howard K. Stern has been arraigned on five additional charges in her death. All of the counts related to him helping her illegally obtain prescription narcotics. He’s pleaded not guilty, along with two of Smith’s doctors, Dr. Sandeep Kapoor and psychiatrist Dr. Khristine Eroshevich.

More charges were filed Wednesday against the lawyer-boyfriend of Anna Nicole Smith, with prosecutors claiming he helped obtain the drugs that killed the former Playboy model. Howard K. Stern was charged with five more felony counts in an amended complaint filed by the Los Angeles County district attorney’soffice, bringing the total number of charges against him to 11.

Smith died of a drug overdose on Feb. 8, 2007, in a Florida hotel room. Prosecutors call Stern an aider and abettor of two doctors, Dr. Sandeep Kapoor and Dr. Khristine Eroshevich, who are charged with improperly prescribing the drugs that killed Smith. All three pleaded not guilty in May to conspiring to illegally provide Smith with controlled substances. They re-entered their pleas Wednesday to the amended complaint. Outside court, Stern’s attorney said the additional charges were filed because prosecutors realized their case against him was weak. “They are using a shotgun approach,” Steve Sadow said. “They are throwing everything at him to see what sticks, and nothing will stick.” Sadow argues his client should not be blamed for Smith’s death because Stern was relying on the doctors to treat the former model, who he said was recovering from an illness at the time of her death.

“Anna Nicole was a very strong-willed woman,” Sadow said. “She took the prescription medications because she thought it was in her best interest to control her pain. A preliminary hearing is set for Oct. 5 but prosecutors asked for a delay until Oct. 13. A decision will be made following a scheduling hearing Oct. 1.

[From MSNBC]

There’s also the big issue of what kind of relationships Smith had with her doctors. There’s a photo of her with Kapoor at a gay pride parade and the prosecution is saying they had some sort of inappropriate personal relationship. His lawyer is arguing that’s not the case, since Kapoor is gay. She says they didn’t have a social relationship either, they just both happened to be at the same event. I can buy that. However I’d love to hear the excuses that come out of Dr. Khristine Eroshevich’s lawyer. Look what kind of photos are floating around of Eroshevich and Anna Nicole.

Anna Nicole Smith and her psychiatrist were captured on film in various contorted sexual positions, according to new legal docs.

We reported this morning that the legal docs describe Anna Nicole and Dr. Khristine Eroshevich naked in a bathtub together. Authorities claim the two women had a personal relationship “that crossed the boundaries of professionalism.”

The documents are very specific: “One photo showed both naked women embracing while looking at the camera. In another photo, Dr. Eroshevich is sitting between Anna Nicole Smith’s legs while Anna…was in a more reclined position.

In the third photo, Anna Nicole Smith has her ankles on each of Dr. Eroshevich’s shoulders while they are holding hands and their clasped hands are resting in the area of Anna Nicole Smith’s vagina posing for the camera.”

More than a year ago we saw a photo of Anna Nicole and Dr. Eroshevich, naked in a bathtub with a sex toy nearby. We did not publish the photo.

[From TMZ]

If even TMZ finds themselves in an ethical quandary over a photo, it’s got to be seriously bad. I can’t wait to hear how Eroshevich is going to explain those pictures. There’s no non-salacious and rational explanation I can think of. All of the defendants in this case are creepy, just different levels. Howard Stern is creepy because of his appearance and Svengali-like hold over Smith. But of the two doctors I find Eroshevich the worst. I mean presumably she also functioned as a psychiatrist to Smith. Yet… those photos. This woman must be seriously psychologically disturbed.

Anna Nicole was victimized from all sorts of people. It just goes to show the powerful way drugs can take over your life. In her case they made her so doped up that she agreed to all sorts of things she probably wouldn’t have otherwise. And they ultimately led to her death. Even though it’s been several years coming, hopefully she’ll get some justice soon.

Header photo credit: WENN. Photo below credit: Fame

John Travolta is currently in the Bahamas to potentially testify in the high profile extortion case against former Bahamian senator Pleasant Bridgewater and paramedic Tarino Lightbourne. Bridgewater and Lightbourne are accused of demanding $25 million from the actor in exchange for keeping quiet about a “refusal to transport” document for Travolta’s son, Jett, who died in the Bahamas in January after suffering a seizure and hitting his head. The background on the document is benign enough - Travolta initially wanted to fly Jett in his private jet to Florida for treatment instead of having him taken to hospital in the Bahamas. It could have taken the same amount of time, 45 minutes, to take Jett back to Florida as it would have to drive him to the hospital in the Bahamas. By signing the document, Travolta was releasing the hospital from legal liability in the event of complications. Travolta opted to take Jett to the Bahamian hospital instead, but apparently Lightbourne and his lawyer, Bridgewater, thought that the news that Travolta wanted to fly Jett to Florida was something that he would pay dearly to keep out of the press.

Yesterday a nine person jury with three men and six women was selected. Travolta is on the witness list with 13 other people, and is the first witness listed for the opening day of trial today:

John Travolta has traveled to the Bahamas and is prepared to be the first witness Tuesday in an extortion case linked to his 16-year-old son’s death, a source tells PEOPLE.

The actor is staying at an exclusive gated community west of Nassau, the source says. This is believed to be Travolta’s first visit to the Bahamas since Jett Travolta died last January after suffering a seizure at the actor’s vacation home on the island of Grand Bahama.

Paramedic Tarino Lightbourn and his attorney, former Bahamian Sen. Pleasant Bridgewater, are accused of conspiring to extort $25 million from Travolta for a document relating to Jett’s treatment. The pair have pleaded not guilty and are out on bond.

Supreme Court Judge Anita Allen swore in the six-woman, three-man jury Monday, with opening statements slated to begin Tuesday morning.

Travolta, who heads the 14-member witness list, was not among the four witnesses present in court during jury selection. But he is expected to testify – and likely will have to recount the painful memories of Jett’s death – since he filed the extortion complaint.

“If the prosecution doesn’t call him, we will,” Mary Bain, a lawyer representing Lightbourn, tells PEOPLE. “Of course, he’s a key witness.”

[From People]

There was speculation last month that Travolta and his wife of 18 years, Kelly Preston,were having trouble in their marriage after Jett passed. Kelly has been hard at work while Travolta took a trip by himself to Tahiti earlier this year and has cut a lonely figure since. John doesn’t need to go through the pain of having to recount his son’s death after two greedy people tried to take advantage of him. If these people did try to extort money from Travolta over a tragedy they deserve to have the book thrown at them.

John Travolta is shown in November, 2008 at the premiere of Bolt. Credit: PRPhotos. Other photos are of the two suspects, Bridgewater and Lightbourne, outside of court yesterday. Credit: WENN.com

After a very brief two day trial, Amy Winehouse has been acquitted of the assault charges against her. The judge didn’t necessarily believe Amy’s defense that she didn’t punch dancer Sherene Flash but merely pushed her away – but said he couldn’t rule it out since it very well could have been an accident. Amy was also drunk off her ass at the time, which could have contributed to it being an accident. In the U.S. court system she would still have been responsible for her actions, but I’m not sure if that’s the case in the U.K. Either way, Amy’s explanation was plausible, and she’s off the hook.

A refurbished Amy Winehouse is officially off the hook for punching a fan who wanted a picture with her.

Today in London, the judge found Amy not guilty on assault charges — for the incident that happened after a charity ball last September. While prosecutors claimed the hit was deliberate, Winehouse says she felt intimidated by the drunken fan, but was too short to actually smack the girl in the face.

Winehouse, who showed up to court smokin’ a ciggy, was free to go, go, go.

[From TMZ]

Amy had to miss her grandmother’s funeral due to the trial. Her 86-year-old maternal grandmother, Esther, passed away after a long fight with Alzheimer’s. According to Radar, Amy joined her family right after the trial let out. They also say that, despite all the drama, Amy is very close with her mom’s family.

Singer Amy Winehouse missed her grandmother’s funeral because she was on trial in London for allegedly assaulting a fan, RadarOnline.com can reveal.

While the singer was in court, she was unable to mourn at the graveside, but after the hearing was over, she joined family and friends to pay her respects.

Winehouse, 25, was said to be devastated by the death of her 86-year-old grandmother Esther, who had suffered from Alzheimer’s disease and lived in a care home.

The ‘Back To Black’ singer was determined to attend Shiva – the week long mourning in the Jewish faith – to support her grieving mom Janis Winehouse.

“The family enjoys a close bond, and Amy is very much at the center of it,” revealed Janis. “She couldn’t interrupt the court case, but was determined to be with me and her relatives at the first opportunity.

Amy is as close to them as they are to her, and it was wonderful seeing her in the garden with all her family and cousins, enjoying their company, the way it has always been.”

The assault case against the singer was dismissed Friday after Judge Timothy Workman said he couldn’t be sure the incident was not an accident after listening to evidence.

[From Radar]

Yesterday I mentioned (rather sarcastically) that Amy hasn’t punched anyone in months. With most people that’s nothing exceptional, but with her, that’s a big deal. Amy went through a long punching/headbutting/kicking phase last spring and summer. You know how toddlers go through a hitting phase? Amy relived hers twenty-some years later. Most toddlers aren’t drunk off their asses and beating up cab drivers, but hey, in Amy’s case you hit who’s around you. She seems to be making some progress on that front (if not others) – hopefully this is one particular issue she can wrap up now.

Here’s Amy Winehouse arriving at City of Westminster Magistrates’ Court for the second day of her assault trial in London today. Images thanks to WENN.com .

Amy Winehouse took the stand in her defense today during her assault trial in London. Last year she punched a dancer, Sherene Flash, who’d asked to take a photo with her at the Berkeley Square charity summer ball. During her testimony, Amy essentially claimed that Flash was all up in her grill. But she put it the British way, noting, “‘She lent down all over me. She had her face down by me.’” Nothing she said sounded all that convincing or explained why she reacted with a punch – which she essentially denied was even a punch.

By the same measure, said Winehouse, Flash “was pretty much leaning on me. She’s a big girl. She was being overly presumptuous. I’m not Mickey Mouse. I’m a human being.”… In the dressing room area backstage, the singer, 25, said that as she moved her left hand across her face, she pushed her right hand upwards, towards Flash. “She’s there, she’s tall. I wanted her away from me,” she told the court. “I thought: ‘Do I get a choice in this? Hello?’ People are mad, people are rude.”

As if to emphasize the height differences, the 5′, 2½” Winehouse moved away from the evidence box and showed chief Magistrate Timothy Workman her flat pink ballet pumps. “And my hair does make a difference,” the often-beehived singer added.

Earlier, prosecuting lawyer Lyall Thompson told the court that there was “nothing accidental about Miss Winehouse’s actions. It may be that well-known figures find such requests tiresome, but they need to develop strategies” to deal with them. “She acted with deliberate and unjustifiable violence,” he said of Winehouse allegedly landing a “direct blow” to Flash’s face with her right hand.

Flash called the cops and later saw a doctor. She said she was left with a “slightly swollen” right eye after the incident. Flash told the court that she had been dancing at the event and then, later, went backstage with a friend to see if they could meet the Grammy-winner.

She said that she had not touched Winehouse. Asked by Winehouse’s lawyer Patrick Gibbs if she had “misread” the situation, Flash answered, “Even if I did, it doesn’t give someone the right to punch me in the face.”

Flash, who admitted she was “tipsy,” described Winehouse as seeming “drunk.” Other witnesses concurred, with Jack Jefferson saying of her performance earlier: “Her speech was slurred and she didn’t appear to be in control of her physical actions.”

[From People]

So Amy’s defense is essentially that she didn’t punch Sherene Flash but that she used her right hand to push her away. She also seems to be arguing that as a much smaller person, she felt physically intimidated by the way Flash was so close to her. The problem is that other witnesses saw Amy punch Sherene Flash. She also headbutted a photographer at the same event. And not a paparazzo – an official photographer for the fancy ball. She was also described as extremely inebriated – no eyebrow raising here.

It seems likely that Amy perhaps intended merely to push away Sherene Flash and may have felt that’s what she was doing. But most likely she was drunk and clumsy, and really did punch her. Nonetheless, it seems unlikely she’ll do any serious time (the max would be six months). I’m guessing she probably will be found guilty, but be given some kind of nominal probation. And to her credit – Amy hasn’t physically assaulted anyone in months.

Here’s Amy at Westminster Magistrates Court today. Images thanks to Fame Pictures .

Lawyers for singer Boy George - who is currently on trial for handcuffing an escort and then beating the crap out of him – claims he’s too fat to have attacked the escort. George has put on some serious poundage since his “Karma Chameleon” days. Most of the time that’d be considered a bad thing, but I guess he managed to find the one advantage to a larger pant size: getting away with crimes.

Boy George was too fat to have attacked a male escort in his flat, according to his own lawyer. The Culture Club singer has gained so much weight since his Eighties heyday that he would not have stood a chance in a fight against his alleged victim Audun Carlsen, Adrian Waterman QC told Snaresbrook crown court.

The DJ and former pop star, appearing in court under his real name George O’Dowd, is accused of handcuffing the six-foot tall, wiry male escort to a hook above his bed and then beating him with a chain. The alleged attack took place after an erotic photo shoot by the pair at O’Dowd’s Shoreditch home in April last year.

Mr Waterman told the jury: “With the greatest of respect to George O’Dowd, he is not someone you could describe as terribly fit. He has put on a few pounds since the 1980s. He is not going to be a match for Audun Carlsen.”

[From the Daily Mail]

George is definitely portly, but it’s been agreed in the court that he’d gotten Carlsen handcuffed to a hook in his bedroom. Without knowing the nitty gritty details of what went on, it seems quite likely that Boy George still could have beaten the crap out of Audun Carlsen, considering the way he was tied up.

I think the lawyer’s assertion that Carlsen’s accusations are baseless and the case is falling apart is ridiculous. But from a legal angle it sounds like he might have poked enough holes in the guy’s story that Boy George may get off. If so, I beg all of you to please make sure you don’t somehow end up locked in a room with Boy George. I don’t know how, but you will end up naked and begging for your life.

Here’s a photo of Auden Carlsen. Header of Boy George taken in February. Images thanks to Fame.

Boy George scares the crap out of me. And male or female, he should scare the crap out of you too. If you are within 200 yards of him at any given moment there is a 7 out of 10 chance that he will handcuff you to a radiator and threaten to do incredibly degrading things to you. Seriously, the guy is all-out batshit insane. Assuming the charges against him are true, which… it sorta seems like they are.

George’s trial for false imprisonment and other really horrifying things (some legalese for you there) started today in London.

A Norwegian escort told a court Monday that Boy George manacled him to a bedroom wall and beat him with a metal chain after accusing him of hacking into his computer. The former Culture Club singer is on trial for the false imprisonment of 29-year-old Audun Carlsen. The 47-year-old singer, who is standing trial under his real name, George O’Dowd, denies the charge.

Carlsen told London’s Snaresbrook Crown Court that he met the singer through a Web site and went to his London home for a naked photo shoot. After the encounter Boy George sent a series e-mails accusing Carlsen of hacking into his computer, but Carlsen nonetheless agreed to return for a second photo session several weeks later in April 2007.

Carlsen told the jury that when he arrived Boy George and another man held him down and beat him before the singer handcuffed him to a hook in the bedroom wall. “George was slapping me and beating me and punching me and screaming things,” Carlsen said. Carlsen said he was able to escape by unscrewing the hook and running for the door. “I took a bit of time getting the door open and he had a metal chain that he was hitting me with,” Carlsen said.

Carlsen said he ran into the street clad only in his underwear. The court was shown photographs of red welts on Carlsen’s head and injuries to his arm which he said had been inflicted during the attack.

[From the Huffington Post]

Carlsen’s testimony sounds consistent with the published reports of the accounts he gave to the police. I’m guessing the defense’s main angle will be to try to discredit him by using his profession against him and/or finding character witnesses to do the same. Unfortunately for Boy George, it’s more than possible for the prosecution to do the same with him. He’s had a long list of relatively minor infractions including some drug charges.

People joke about this story because it’s so bizarre, but honestly it’s really horrifying. If you take out the name “Boy George” and just make it some random man, you realize this was a really terrible crime. The brutality is especially disturbing and hints at a deep problem. Combined with drugs, it’s easy to guess that Boy George may very well be a threat to others. I cannot imagine how he’d be able to survive prison, but I think there’s a decent chance that’s where he’ll end up.

Here’s Boy George deejaying at Queen Night Club in Paris in July of 2007. Images thanks to Fame.

Comedian Dane Cook’s landlord is trying to evict him for basically never cleaning up his miniature pinscher’s poop from the common areas of his West Hollywood apartment complex. Both Cook and his girlfriend have been warned multiple times and put on notice by their neighbors and the landlord, who was forced to start eviction proceedings when they continually refused to pick up their dog’s nasty presents. There are even “no dog poop” signs right on the yard where Cook was letting his dog defecate without apparently picking up a single pile. The case has now gone to trial, where it will be decided by jury.

Cook’s lawyer questioned potential jurors ahead of the trial, trying to weed out people who have the crazy idea that it’s grosser to step in dog poop than some minty gum:

Cook’s landlord has gone to court, trying to get the “comedian” evicted because his dog habitually craps in the public areas of the apartment building. Dane’s lawyer is asking prospective jurors a number of revealing questions, including:

- What’s worse. Stepping in gum or stepping in dog poop?
- If you live next to a park and saw dog poop, would you avoid that park?
- Would you confront someone about spitting out gum on the sidewalk or not picking up dog poop in a public place?
- Would you confront a neighbor about picking up after their dog?

From TMZ

There is no way the defense would pick me for that jury. My husband and I recently moved to Berlin and after a few months I’m still steamed nearly every day when I encounter piles of dog crap on the sidewalk. I was practically screaming when my son got out of the car yesterday and almost stepped in a pile. It is socially acceptable to let your dog crap on the sidewalk here and I have stepped in sh&t more in the few months I’ve lived here than my entire life leading up to this point. I now carry plastic lunch bags in my purses and pick up the crap when I go for a walk it’s near my house and my family is likely to step in it, but it’s hard to avoid it when you’re on a bike. (For the record this is a lovely city and I really like the people and all the great things to do here. I would highly recommend you visit. This is a major pet peeve of mine, though, and the main thing that distracts from an otherwise wonderful place for me.)

TMZ also reports that the jury is due to see a video of Cook’s squatting dog, aptly named “Beast,” which will prove beyond a doubt that he’s the owner who is irresponsibly leaving bacteria bombs all over the lawn. Cook should get his unfunny ass evicted, and he should be forced to pay a fine to the neighbors he’s inconvenienced during the time he’s lived there. Cook could potentially use this experience for material for his mostly plagiarized routine, but Louis CK (link leads to video) probably cleans up after his dog.