Chic Mommy transcribed this hilarious speech from Amy Poehler on Saturday Night Live this weekend in a post that’s been quite popular, and has even been appropriated by a cut ‘n paste blog. Now the video is available and it’s quite priceless. I love how she tells Britney “Also, you have a one month old baby at home.” (Faceless Jayden James is nearly three months old, but that doesn’t make Britney’s behavior excusable.)

Thanks to Best Week Ever for linking this.

Jessica Simpson’s flubbed performance at The Kennedy Center Honors for Dolly Parton on Sunday sounded worse the way it was described, but it still looks really uncomfortable to her. I’m Not Obsessed is reporting that she is said to have feared a waldrobe malfunction, and that may explain why her arm is right under her top and she’s staying in one place. She was said to have sung without projecting herself and to have rushed off after no one applauded for her, but you can clearly hear her and it seems like the audience claps afterwards. It’s hard to tell by the way the video was edited, though.

Shania Twain looks gorgeous and there’s also a clip of Reese Witherspoon’s speech about Dolly:

Thanks to Faded Youth for finding this first.

Richard Simmons is such a diva on Letterman but he must have been in on the joke when his steamer went haywire. They added a plate underneath the thing that rigged the machine to blow. Dave keeps talking over him, says his steamer is too expensive, and then Simmons points out that Dave’s tie cost $125. It’s pretty amusing.

K-Fed wants a reality show, and has asked a “House of Carters” producer about helping him sell the concept to whichever lesser cable network is stupid enough to buy it. He told the guy that he wants the show to portray him in a positive light, to basically spin his story into something that makes him look good.

House of Carters Executive Producer Kenneth Crear tells Us exclusively that he is currently working on producing a reality show with K-Fed.

“It’s true,” Crear tells Us, adding that he just started negotiations with partner Billy Rainey and Kevin Federline’s manager on Monday. “We are in talks about this. Kevin came to me because he liked the way I shot the House of Carters series and the way I made Nick Carter look real and trustworthy. I gave people a different perspective of him and made people really respect him.”

Crear also confirms that they are looking at “one or two” different networks, but insists the project is just as the beginning stages.

“Kevin doesn’t dislike or hate Britney,” Crear tells Us. “The show will show him for who he is but [will] not smear her. It was just a marriage that didn’t work out, but it will show who he is beyond that.”

Crear also says they are looking at an eight episode deal that will be shot over three months, but they haven’t started shopping it around yet.

I’m surprised he didn’t approach 8 Mile producers about a fictional version of his fabulous life to date. They probably have started “shopping it around” and no one is interested or they wouldn’t have called up Us weekly to spread the news.

There was a rumor that K-Fed was offered nearly $300,000 to appear in Celebrity Big Brother in England after Britney dumped him, but nothing seems to have come of that. Now he wants his own reality show - as long as it’s done on his terms. People will watch the first ten minutes to see what a douche he is, and will flip the channel as soon as they see what kind of propaganda it is. No one bought his CD and no one is going to waste their time watching this crap. Without Britney he’s not interesting, and by the time this show comes out the public will have plenty of time to have forgotten him.

Wow, Lohan isn’t defensive or anything in this appearance on The Tonight Show from November 11th. I remember reading about it at Gossip Rocks, but I didn’t find it on YouTube until yesterday.

Submitter Olivia720 at Gossip Rocks says:

Dayum! I’m just watching Leno right now and Lohan is on, promoting “Bobby”. She looks great, her hair looks really nice and she’s got a nice white dress on. Still has that goofy bandaged wrist.

So anyway, she’s really defensive and pissy and it made for a rather uncomfortable interview. She freaks out at Jay using the term “partying”.

“Oooh I hate that word!”

She looks like she’s at her wit’s end about people asking her about this. She looks seriously pissed when Jay makes a joke about Nicole Ritchie passing out from eating half a pea. Then she says something like “would you rather have her here to talk to??” MMMkay.

Here’s the video. Any shred of pity I had for Lohan for needing to go to AA disappears when watching her vain, defensive interview. Jay is not that great at keeping the interview friendly, but she should have played it off and tried to establish a rapport with him:

British rag The Sun is reporting that Lindsay owns 5,000 pairs of shoes. Remember on “Sex and The City” when Carrie was too broke to buy a condo and Carrie schooled her about how she had spent enough on shoes for a downpayment on a house? Lohan doesn’t own a house and just moved into a condo with pissed off neighbors. Maybe if she wasn’t so fond of shopping she would have a mansion. That would require settling down a little, so money probably isn’t the issue.

The header picture is of Linds at the GQ Men of the Year awards. She seems to have laid off the cutting as she’s not wearing a wrist bandage any more. I wonder if she talked to former VP Al Gore. I heard he was there and I would have been making a beeline for him, if only to get to Leo.

Hot mom Jennifer Garner looks great in a tight purple dress at the GQ Magazine Men of the Year celebration last night.

Her husband Ben Affleck recently told Ellen Degeneres that he wants more kids when she asked about it, but he didn’t set a number. Ellen tried to get him to say five or six kids, but he said “I should probably talk to my wife before I talk to you.”

Here’s the video of Ben telling Ellen he wants more kids.

Ben also spoke candidly about taking a break after his PR debacle (link lead to video) with J.Lo and Gigli, and said “I took about a couple of years off. I mean, definitely a full year where I didn’t do anything, and I did this [Hollywoodland], and then the rest of the time I spent directing a movie, but it was… I got a little bit sort of exhausted of uh - myself, and you know, and my life, and so I wanted to try to control it or manage it or look at it differently or try to figure out like what do I really want to do, and who am I really and not looking through a reflection of a magazine or being defined by someone else. So it was good for me and good things happened for me.”

Affleck certainly changed his public image during his hiatus. He seems a lot happier and down to earth now and his career is sure to take off.

Here’s Garner last night. Thanks to Hollywood’s Best for these pictures.

Anna Nicole did an Entertainment Tonight interview in which she tried to refute rumors about her trashtastic lifestyle. She appeared heavily made up and slurred her responses on camera, but she wasn’t as obviously inebriated as Danny DeVito on The View, and it’s possible that she just always sounds like that. She said that everyone around her wants their 15 minutes, and that they’re making up rumors about how she’s living in a dark house without power to get their name in the papers. She claims she rightfully owns the house from which she’s being evicted, but that she’s buying another big house on the water anyway.

She plans to stay in the Bahamas as her son is buried there and she had her baby daughter there.

She cried pitifully when talking about Thanksgiving, and says that she didn’t celebrate it because she’s too choked up over not having Daniel there to ask for his favorite candied yam dish.

Oh, and she said she’s pregnant again months after her having her baby Dannielynn, just like Britney. She tried to take it back, but it was too late and she achieved the desired effect. We’re all going to talk about her today. At least we don’t have to look at her snatch.

Turning to the cameras, Smith said, “I think I might be pregnant again.”

She added, “I’m not ready. (But) Howard wants to have another baby, he wants to have a little boy.”

Smith was referring to Howard K. Stern, her partner and father of her three-month-old daughter Dannielyn.

A few minutes later, she realized that she may have said a little bit too much.

“I feel we should change the subject,” she said, giggling.

The show reported that off-camera Smith told producers that she wasn’t really pregnant, she was just kidding.

You can watch the video yourself through the Entertainment Tonight website. (Video link is to the upper right.) I didn’t hear Anna Nicole say she was pregnant, but it’s possible ET cut that part out of the Internet version, and the source that claims she did is CBS news, which seems solid enough.

Anna Nicole is also being legally compelled to return to the states and submit to paternity testing, but considering that she has a lawyer for a lapdog who also claims to be the baby’s father, it’s unlikely that she’ll do so any time soon.

Thanks to ONTD and I’m Not Obsessed for the links.

Danny DeVito admits to staying up all night drinking lemon liqueur with George Clooney before his appearance on “The View” this morning and it’s pretty obvious that he’s out of it.

He brags about screwing his wife Rhea in the Lincoln bedroom of the White House when he was a guest there during Clinton’s reign, and does a whole weird Three Stooges impression meant to make fun of George Bush, a lot of which is bleeped out. He seems to have called Bush a “numbnuts” but that didn’t make it past the censors.

Right after he says that the Lincoln bedroom was “utilized” Barbara Walters changes the topic to his new movie “Deck the Halls.”

He burps and has to hold his hand over his mouth when he’s trying to describe the predictable plot of the movie!

Kate Winslet told a funny story on David Letterman about how she made an inadvertent play on words during a recent interview. She said the journalist asked her what was the most surprising thing she learned about Diaz while working with her on their upcoming film “The Holiday.” She wanted to explain that she was surprised how much Cameron eats considering how thin she is and said “Cameron Diaz could literally eat me under a table!”

Dave responds “Now there you’d have a move.”

Here’s the video, which also includes a promo for tonight’s episode featuring Richard Simmons:

Kate had another funny mishap during yesterday’s appearance on “Good Morning America.” Diane Sawyer showed an old breakfast ceral commercial clip featuring an 11 year-old girl that was thought to be Winslet. It was some other child actress, though, and Winslet didn’t have the heart to tell Sawyer on the air that it wasn’t her!

She explains, “Recently, I’ve been doing a lot of press. Odd things keep happening. People keep digging up little nuggets of research that they think no one has ever seen before and it’s not going quite according to plan. I was on Good Morning America with Diane Sawyer, who is a wonderful, lovely woman and they thought they would surprise me by showing a clip of a breakfast cereal commercial that I was in when I was 11 years old, but it wasn’t me. I just didn’t have the heart to say, ‘Oh, God, Diane, I’m really sorry, but your researcher got it wrong. It’s just not me.’”

A stunned Winslet didn’t say anything at the time about the faulty clip because she didn’t want anyone to lose their job. She adds, “I just didn’t want the researcher to get fired!”

Here are pictures of Kate outside the Late Show studio, courtesy of ICYDK.

Madonna seems uncomfortable at first in this appearance on the Home Shopping Network. She soon gets into her haughty stride, talking down her nose in her faux-Brit speak about how Lourdes helped her with these books, and how she came up with her nefarious plan to convert a new generation of vulnerable young girls to her cult religion.

You can watch the rest of the interview on YouTube:
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four

Proceeds from the books are being donated to “Raising Kabbalahan Malawians” or whatever Madonna’s charity is called.

Thanks to moomies on Gossip Rocks for linking this.