Full disclosure: I think LeAnn Rimes ate solids when she was married to Dean Sheremet too. I imagine their marriage was full of nights where LeAnn asked, “Dean, do you feel like having sex? No? Okay, let’s pop some popcorn and watch Dirty Dancing! I’ll let you braid my hair!” Anyhoodle, LeAnn’s first husband, Dean Sheremet, got married again! He married Sarah Silver, the chick he began dating shortly after his split from LeAnn. He and Sarah got engaged last November, and they just got hitched. He announced it on his Twitter and his Tumblr, which… I have just spent too much time looking at. It’s debatable whether or not Dean gets hard for ladies or gentlemen. What it unquestionable is that Dean gets hard for food porn. Photo after photo of food, photographed beautifully, some of it is stuff Dean makes, some of it is just food that he’s ordered and he takes photos of. It’s kind of awesome. Anyway, the bride wore red. Seriously! She wore a little red cocktail dress.

Dean Sheremet is once again a married man. The dancer-turned chef and food blogger, who was married to singer LeAnn Rimes for seven years, tied the knot with his fiancée, photographer Sarah Silver.

On Sheremet’s blog, he posted a video of the newlyweds stepping out of a City Clerk’s office. Sheremet, 30, is wearing a gray suit with no tie and his bride, 35, is in a short, one-shoulder red dress, holding a bouquet of flowers. The couple share a passionate kiss before stepping down the stairs and approaching the camera.

“Happy happy day,” the blog post reads.

In another post, Silver is seen holding a camera. “Taking photos at her own wedding! She can’t help herself,” the post reads.

Sheremet, who is a chef at Nougatine at Jean-Georges in New York City, and Silver became engaged in November of last year.

[From People]

I kind of love Dean’s “Second Act”. His first act was… what? Dancer and husband to a country music star, all-around nice guy, kind of femme. His second act involves a cute little wife, a solid career as a chef and this full, rich life in New York City. I like his bravery in moving to NYC and going to culinary school after his divorce – I like that he moved on with such grace. He’s very classy, and I wish him well.

Here are some photos of Dean and his bride, who he calls “my boobie”. Ugh.

Photos courtesy of Dean’s Tumblr, Twitter, and WENN.

Note: I’m not sure if this is Petra’s wedding gown or party gown. This is probably one of several.

Petra Ecclestone is a British heiress who puts Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian’s excesses to shame. She recently bought Candy Spellings insane estate, the largest mansion in L.A. County, for $85 million and will split her time between living there and in her 6-story $90 million home in London. Petra is all of 22 years old and is the daughter of Formula One billionaire Bernie Ecclestone.

Petra just married in a lavish ceremony outside Rome at the same castle where Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise married. The bash is said to have cost her (daddy) $6.5 million and featured $6,500 bottles of wine (per bottle, not case), and performances by the Black Eyed Peas, Eric Clapton, Andrea Bocelli and a string section from the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. Over $150,000 worth of fireworks lit up the night sky during the party. It sounds like it cost much more than just $6.5 million. Guests included Duchess Fergie and her daughters, Princess Beatrice and Eugenie, and Paris and Nicky Hilton.

Croatian English heiress and socialite, Petra Ecclestone, who recently dropped $85 million (!) on Candy Spelling’s mansion, swapped vows Saturday with businessman James Stunt in a lavish three-day affair right outside of Rome, according to People.

The 22-year-old daughter of billionaire Formula 1 racing CEO Bernie Ecclestone said I-do to Stunt at the castle where Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes tied the knot in 2006 (Castello Orsini-Odescalchi), with the bride reportedly walking down the aisle in a custom $130,000 Vera Wang gown.

And then there was the reception, where Andrea Bocelli, Eric Clapton and the Black Eyed Peas put on a show for guests like Paris and Nicky Hilton, Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie and Sarah Ferguson as they sipped Chateau Petrus wine (which retails for $6,500 a bottle).

A source tells E! that after the Black Eyed Peas performed, Fergie pulled bride Petra, Paris and Nicky Hilton up on stage to dance. After that, David Guetta deejayed for two hours, and the Hilton girls were reportedly loving all the attention from the billionaire dudes in attendance.

“No one had ever seen anything like it. Everything was done to perfection with no expense spared,” a source gushed to E! Online. “It was the wedding of the century fit for a princess!”

Prior to the big day, guests were treated to a pre-wedding dinner at uber-posh hotel Villa Aurelia, where they dined on caviar, calamari, spinach ravioli and lamb chops, sipped Cristal champagne and enjoyed a performance by Alicia Keys, according to the Daily Mirror.

“It was the most fantastic setting,” a party attendee told the Mirror. “Our menus were customized mirrors with our names etched into them. It was easily the most ­decadent pre-wedding dinner any of us had been to. Then Alicia came on and sang all of her hits. She began with ‘Empire State of Mind’ and everybody was singing along. We couldn’t believe it–it was magical.”

[From E! Online]

You can see photos of the guests here, on Radar and The Daily Mail. There’s also aphoto of Petra on her wedding day, but you can’t really see her $130,000 Vera Wang dress. (I’m not sure whether the header photo is of her actual wedding dress, or if that’s the party dress.) Her makeup looks as heavy-handed and cheap as it usually does.

While I was looking up background for this story, I came across this interview with Petra from late last month that I missed. She reminds me even more of Paris Hilton when she speaks, and it’s easy to see how she’s friends with Paris. It’s all about how hard she works and while I don’t doubt that she may show up at a job during the day, it’s clear she has no clue how she comes across.

When asked why she bought Candy’s house, Petra explained “I wanted to have an amazing home where hopefully in the future I will be raising a family.” On if it crossed her mind that she could have built affordable housing for 1,000 families instead of buying that home, she answered “I help as much as I can but at the end of the day, however much the house has costed, that’s not going to kind of I dunno, like change the world I don’t think…

“I’m not going to not live in a certain way just because there are people less fortunate than I am.”

In terms of her then-upcoming wedding, she described it as “as low key as I can be. I try.” She added “I’m not spoilt, I’m priviledged. I think that’s a huge difference.” Not to the rest of us looking in from the outside there’s not.

This is Petra’s sister, Tamara, 27.

Duchess Fergie

Princess Eugenie

And this is Elisabetta Gregoraci. She’s “an Italian fashion model and TV personality.”

Photo credit: WENN.com and Kika Press/Pacific Coast News

We didn’t breathlessly cover all the ridiculous details of Kim Kardashian’s made-for-TV wedding to that huge slow-looking athlete she’s dated for a hot second. We mentioned it and moved on. It seems like she found a guy whom she didn’t have to switch monograms for, latched on to him and rode fast and hard until she earned the ultimate reality show prize: an over-the-top wedding fit for a queen. It was like My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, only for E! instead of TLC. Only Kim isn’t some teenage daughter of travelers, her mother is one of the best hustlers in the world. Kim’s mom Kris responded to her daughter’s starring role in a 2007 adult film by literally saying “All I knew was that I had to make some lemonade out of these lemons fast.” (That may be ironic to some of you who believe that the film included some uh, golden water play. From what I’ve heard, that scene does not exist in “Kim K Superstar” and its existence in the original footage is just a rumor. Update: Bellaluna below says her husband has viewed the tape and it’s in there. This is just secondhand though. Until someone personally vouches I’m still uncertain.) I might even suspect that Kim’s mom schemed to have her daughter’s sex tape “leaked” right around the time she was trying to skyrocket her family to fame.

Now that mom* Kris’ master plan was successful and her family is commanding millions of dollars for their bland brand of oversharing, she’s trying to stop people from remembering the very graphic way it was all made possible. Too bad for Kris, Kim and her hapless husband Kris that everyone is buying Kim’s video to get an in-home demonstration of the wedding night.

Kris Humphries wasn’t the only person who wanted to consummate his marriage to Kim Kardashian this weekend, ’cause at the same time … MILLIONS of “fans” were flooding the official website for Kim’s triple X tape.

TMZ has learned … roughly 2 MILLION people visited the KimKsuperstar [website] between Friday and Sunday night … a HUGE boost from the average weekend traffic.

In fact, the site only averages 300k unique visitors PER MONTH — so it seems all the fanfare from the wedding led to some serious handfare across the planet.

And get this laddies — according to Google Trends, America did NOT lead the pack in Internet searches for “Kim Kardashian S*x Tape” … that honor went to Ireland.

[From TMZ]

So it looks like Kim made even more than the estimated $17.9 million for her wedding. You know that she negotiated a deal with Vivid that included a nice portion of sales. So she’s making plenty of cash and can rest assured that she has her 1.0 face in Kim K Superstar and looks nothing like that now.

This diamond headpiece she was wearing, which was undoubtedly lent to her, is from Lorraine Schwartz. The total value of the bling Kim was wearing on her wedding day was $10 million dollars.

*We wrote “mom Kris” because now there’s also temporary husband Kris

At long last, somebody bought the cow after getting the kat-face milk for free. Wait, I bungled that. Nevermind. Kim Kardashian is married, y’all. She is officially Kim Humphries. Or he is Kris Kardashian. I don’t know how they’re going to do this. Surprisingly enough, there aren’t a million blurry photos of Kim and Kris’s nuptials, so I really don’t know what Kim’s dress looks like beyond the description given to E! News and People Magazine, but I should point out that the description of the dress seems very similar to what Kim’s wax figure is wearing in these photos. Ha. I guess I should applaud them for keeping their wedding on lockdown? Or we should just thank E! because they’re the ones protecting their exclusive. Here are some details about the wedding, which went down last night in Montecito:

It was the happily-ever-after she always dreamed of. Kim Kardashian tied the knot with New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries on Saturday evening, her rep confirms to PEOPLE and E! exclusively.

The couple, who became engaged in May after dating for six months, wed at a private estate in Montecito, Calif., in front of 440 guests.

Among them: Demi Lovato, Babyface, Vera Wang, Mario Lopez, Mark Ballas, Ciara, Carmelo Anthony, Eva Longoria and Eduardo Cruz, Ryan Seacrest and Julianne Hough, Alan Thicke, Cheryl Burke, Melanie Brown, Maria Menounos, Sugar Ray Leonard, Serena Williams, Kathie Lee Gifford, Brittny Gastineau, Greta Van Susteren, Jillian Barberie, Brody Jenner and Avril Lavigne, Scottie and Larsa Pippen, and Dina, Ali and Lindsay Lohan.

As stepfather Bruce Jenner walked her down the aisle, Kardashian, 30, donned an ivory custom-designed Vera Wang gown with full tulle skirt, basque waist and hand-pieced Chantilly lace appliqué on the bodice and train. She wore Guiseppe Zanotti shoes.

The groom, 26, sported a made-to-measure white peak lapel tuxedo jacket, black tuxedo pants with white tuxedo shirt and white bow tie – all by Ermenegildo Zegna – and the couple exchanged rings by Lorraine Schwartz, who also designed the engagement ring.

The bride was joined by sisters Kourtney, 32, and Khloe, 27, who served as her co-maids of honor. Younger sisters Kendall, 15, and Kylie Jenner, 14, and Humphries’s sister, Kaela, were bridesmaids. The ring bearer was Kourtney’s 21-month-old son, Mason Disick.

All the groomsmen, including the bride’s brother Robert Kardashian, wore matching black peak lapel tuxedos, white tuxedo shirts and black silk bow ties, again all by Zegna – who also dressed fathers of the bide and groom, Bruce Jenner and William Humphries, in matching black peak lapel tuxedos, white tuxedo shirts and silk bow ties.

For later in the evening, Kim planned two more changes, both Vera Wang ivory dresses, with a Judith Leiber clutch.

The first was a Georgette mermaid gown with hand-pieced Chantilly lace appliqué on the bodice and a skirt with hand-cut organza petals intermixed with Chantilly lace motifs and organza sprig embroidery.

The other Vera Wang dress was a bias-cut crepe back satin gown with V-neck and circle skirt.

At the reception, the groom changed into a black peak lapel Zegna tuxedo, white tuxedo shirt and black silk bow tie, to match his groomsmen.

E! News will air footage from the wedding Sunday at 6 p.m. ET/PT, and a two-part special, Kim’s Fairytale Wedding: A Kardashian Event, will air Oct. 9 and 10, only on E!

[From People]

Would you like to know more? Of course. Bruce Jenner walked Kim down the aisle. Kim wore a bejeweled headpiece with her veil, and “diamonds… dripped onto Kim’s forehead.” I’m sure that was a sight, all of those diamonds on Kim’s epic, Botoxed forehead. Everything was in black and white, except for “the tiny pink box that Humphries’ best man, longtime pal Josh Ketroser, presented the rings in.” Kim paid tribute to her father, the late Robert Kardashian, in the wedding program: “I so wish my dad could be here today to walk me down the aisle. But I know in a way he is here, and I feel his loving presence all around me. I love and miss you, dad.” Little Mason Dixon performed his ring-bearer duties and it sounds kind of cute.

More details: Robin Thicke was there! Kim and Kris danced their first dance as a married couple to Thicke singing “Angels” and then “Let’s Stay Together”. Earth, Wind & Fire also performed later in the evening too. The food was done by Wolfgang Puck, and here’s what was served: “a buffalo mozzarella and heirloom tomato salad with basil and ‘tomato chips’ followed by a choice of hand-formed agnolotti with sweet corn mascarpone and summer truffles, or roast chicken with Yukon Gold potato puree, caramelized brussels sprouts and summer truffles.” The cake was “a decadent, multi-tiered chocolate-and-vanilla swirl cake studded with chocolate chips.”

It really sounds like no expense was spared for this wedding. I hope Kim got what she wanted, and hell, I hope the marriage lasts longer than a year.

Photos courtesy of WENN & Fame.

Michael Kors and his partner of 20 years, Lance LePere only got engaged a few weeks ago. Was that enough time to throw together a wedding? Anyway, Michael and Lance got hitched on Tuesday in Southampton in a private ceremony on the beach. Aw…

Wedding bells have finally rung for Michael Kors and his longtime partner.

The designer and Lance LePere tied the knot on Tuesday in Southampton, N.Y., Women’s Wear Daily reports.

The couple wed in a private ceremony on Dune Beach officiated by Southampton Mayor Mark Epley.

“To marry someone as wonderful and special to me as Lance barefoot on a glorious beach is more than I could have dreamed of,” Kors, 51, told WWD.

Earlier this month, the Project Runway judge confirmed that he planned to marry LePere following the legalization of same-sex marriage in New York.

“Lance and I are very excited to finally be able to have the opportunity to marry in our home state after many years together,” he told PEOPLE.

The pair met in 1990, when LePere began working as an intern for Kors’s company.

[From People]

I didn’t realize that Lance was Michael’s former intern. I can’t believe that Michael Kors started out bangin’ an intern, and it turned into love and a 20-year relationship that just became a marriage. Usually when it’s intern-bangin’, it all ends quickly and everyone involved is kind of ashamed of themselves.

I still say Lance is pretty hot! Good for Michael for putting a ring on it. Sigh… I wouldn’t mind a barefoot beach wedding right about now. I wonder how Michael Fassbender wants to get married?

Photos courtesy of WENN.

The amount of news about Kim Kardashian’s crazy wedding is absolutely ridiculous. I just pulled FOUR tabloid stories about it, and that was just from about three minutes of searching. So, obviously, Kim is marrying Kris Humphries this Saturday, and the famewhore family cannot exist without going completely overboard on everything and telling everything to everybody. Here are some highlights of the coverage:

*The shoes: Life & Style is reporting that Kim had four pairs of Christian Louboutins made for the big day.

*The cake: Kim, with the help of mom Kris, chose a 10-tier cake with chocolate chip frosting worth $20K!

*The guests: OK! says that Kim has asked the attendees to dress in black and white.

*Who’s coming? Kathie Lee Gifford, Jennifer Lopez, Ryan Seacrest, Venus & Serena Williams, Nicole Richie, LaLa Vazquez, Ciara, Demi Lovato, Justin Bieber, and Victoria Beckham are among the A-Listers who received invites!

*The color scheme: It’s black and white, all the way! Kim has picked white South African roses as decorations!

*The transportation: White Rolls Royces and Maybachs will take the guests from the Four Seasons Biltmore to the private estate in Montecito where the ceremony is being held.

*The wine: Guests will toast to the newlyweds’ love with more than 720 bottles of chardonnay, rosé, merlot and cabernet, courtesy of Malibu Rocky Oaks Wine, an insider tells Life & Style.

*Beauty prep: Kim’s beauty prep has consisted of several consultations at Beverly Hills Nail Design to try out shades of pink polish and test-driving a darker hair color for the big day. “Before the wedding, we plan to glaze her hair once or twice again,” colorist and Goodform co-owner Rebecca Friedman tells Life & Style.“Kim’s definitely a calm bride,” she adds. “She’s just really, really excited.”

*Kim & Kris’s honeymoon won’t happen until 2012, Life & Style reports. A source says, “With her work schedule, that’s the earliest Kim can get away.” WTF? Her “work” schedule? Kris is pissed off too – “Kris is not over the moon,” says the source. But he’s still playing along: While in New York, the newlyweds will stay in a penthouse suite at the chic Gansevoort Park Avenue hotel. Once filming for Kourtney & Kim Take New York wraps, the buzz is that they’ll get their own spin-off, that chronicles their lives as newlyweds.

*Due to space restrictions, “the bride-to-be was forced to disinvite 50 people from her guest list — just days prior to the wedding.” The fire marshal was about to shut it down: “The fire marshal got involved. Once the fire department learned about all the TV equipment that’s going to be inside the space — the lights, the cameras and the production crew — Kim was told she had to cut the guest list by 50 people!” Now, the friend says, Kim is being forced to call friends and tell them they can’t come.

[From Life & Style and Hollywood Life]

What else? Kris Jenner is going all momzilla on Kim’s bridezilla. According to tabloid reports, “Kris Jenner is attempting to make the wedding about herself by wanting to wear white and inviting a bunch of people Kim doesn’t even know. All Kim wanted was for everything to be perfect. But instead it was nonstop drama. Kris thought both of them wearing white would cause a lot of fun buzz. But the whole thing just made Kim upset.” Oh, and apparently Kim’s sisters hate their bridesmaids’ dresses too. Did they want to wear white too?

Photos courtesy of Fame, Life & Style.

It’s strange that two members of The View got married within 48 hours of each other, right? One wedding was seemingly planned – Sherri Shepherd was engaged to her fiancé for a while, and the wedding plans have been consuming her for months. So why is it that Joy Behar seemingly bridal-blocked Sherri suddenly by getting hitched last Thursday and announcing it on the day that Sherri got married? Out of all of The View women, I would have never chosen Sherri and Joy for a catfight. But something is there, I can feel it.

So, yeah, Behar married her boyfriend of 29 years, Steve Janowitz, on Thursday. They don’t even live together! Seriously, they keep separate apartments.

The View co-host Joy Behar is going to have plenty to talk about when the show returns next month. After dating for 29 years, the View co-host, 68, and beau Steve Janowitz have tied the knot.

“She was married in New York City last night in a private ceremony,” a rep for the show tells PEOPLE. “She will discuss it on Sept. 6 on The View when the show returns for the 15th season.”

Behar’s wedding date, Aug. 11, also coincidentally marks the 14th anniversary of the ABC daytime show’s debut in 1997.

In 2009, Behar announced she and Janowitz, whom she referred to as her “spousal equivalent,” had plans to wed. But later that year, she said broke off the engagement, blaming “cold feet.”

Behar also hosts The Joy Behar Show on HLN.

[From People]

It sounds like some kind of quickie thing with barely any guests. Which is fine – not everyone needs or wants a big wedding. But the comparison to Sherri’s wedding is stark – Sherri had EIGHT bridesmaids:

Joy Behar isn’t the only newlywed on The View. Co-host Sherri Shepherd and fiancé Lamar Sally tied the knot at the Fairmont Hotel in Chicago, her hometown, on Saturday, her rep confirms to PEOPLE.

Shepherd’s eight bridesmaids included The View co-host Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Niecy Nash and Community’s Yvette Nicole Brown, and her 6-year-old son Jeffrey walked her down the aisle.

After using her wedding dress as her carry-on luggage on a flight from New York City to Chicago earlier in the week, Shepherd, 44, spent the days leading up to the wedding battling nerves and fitting in a few last-minute workouts at her hotel gym, according to her Twitter musings.

She even Tweeted nearly up until it was time to walk down the aisle, writing on Saturday afternoon, “Sitting in the room in my gown waiting for Sal& groomsmen to take their pics… can’t let him see me b4 the wedding… but I’m bored as heck.”

Right before the ceremony she Tweeted: “What happens when you are in your wedding dress and you have to tinkle? Uh-oh!”

The 30 Rock actress devoted months to trying to get in shape for her big day, which will air as a special on the Style network on Sept 13.

Shepherd, who calls her husband “Sal,” had been prepping for a large ceremony since getting engaged in December.

“His family’s from Detroit and mine are from Chicago, and we’ve got really close friends that we want to share the day with,” she told PEOPLE as she planned her nuptials. “So, it’s going to be pretty big.”

[From People]

Congratulations to Sherri and Joy, and I hope they will both be very happy in their respective unions. Do you think that when The View comes back on, it will be some kind of wedding-conversation bitch-fight? Probably not. But it would be funny if it was.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Remember that British socialite, Petra Ecclestone, 22, who is probably the world’s most spoiled offspring that we know of? Her dad is the head of Formula One and threw her an engagement party in May during which he gifted her a custom Bugatti worth $1.3 million and flew in Rihanna to sing. In June “Petra” bought Candy Spelling’s old mansion/estate/hotel, the biggest home in L.A. county, for $85 million. Anyway Petra is about to hit the scene with a huge party at her new place this fall to celebrate her wedding. From what I can tell, the last big wedding party that was held at that estate was Tori Spelling’s first wedding, to Charlie Shanian, in 2004. We all know how that turned out. It’s good for Petra’s dad that she supposedly has an ironclad prenup.

Petra Ecclestone will be hosting a post-wedding bash at her new 56,000 square foot mansion in Holmby Hills, California, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

The stunning, mega-wealthy daughter of billionaire Formula One racing chief, Bernie Ecclestone, is marrying businessman, James Stunt in Rome at the end of August.

Petra, 22, bought her mega-mansion from Candy Spelling for a whopping $85 million dollars — in cash!

“Petra will be throwing an over-the-top party at the house after she is married in Rome,” a source close to the situation tells RadarOnline.com. “The party will likely take place in late September, early October. She is planning the party as her official coming-out party to Hollywood. The party will be for James and Petra, but leave no doubt, this party is going to be all about her.”

The guest list for the post-wedding bash will read like a who’s who in Hollywood, definitely including: “Paris, Nicky, Rick & Kathy Hilton,” the source says. “Paris and Petra have been friends for years. Petra has been asking Paris for career advice, which Paris has been more than willing to share. In fact, Rick, who is a top realtor, sold the house to Petra.”

[From Radar Online]

Why is it not surprising to me that this girl is friends with Paris Hilton? Does this mean that she’s going to be all over the tabloids? It’s not like she needs to attend parties for cash like Paris and the Kardashians. What’s her angle? I’m honestly wondering why she’s asking Paris Hilton for career advice when it’s not like Petra will ever have to work another day in her life. And it’s not like Paris’ career is much to emulate, anyway. Put out a sex tape, get a reality show with your best friend, put out perfume, clothing and fake hair lines, show up to the opening of an envelope, get busted for drunk driving, get busted for driving without a license and go to jail, dabble in music and be accused of plagiarism, get busted for drugs, attempt a comeback and have it fail. That’s pretty much it. I’m sure I left some out, but what kind of career is that to try and follow when your daddy is a billionaire? If Petra is worried about how to pay for that house maybe she should have bought a $10 million house and lived comfortably off the rest of the money for her entire damn life.

Here’s Petra on 7/6/11 in that Givenchy dress that Kim Kardashian just wore to the Teen Choice awards. She looks like she gets her makeup done by the same guy as Kim too. Petra is also shown with her sister, Tamara, and with her fiance, James Stunt.

Photo Credit: WENN.com

These are some new photos of Kim Kardashian in NYC yesterday, walking to Vera Wang for yet another wedding gown fitting. At first I thought Kim was just wearing a circa-1992 flannel shirt as a dress. But this is actually a dress. Like, someone sat down and consciously decided to make this hideous thing. The only thing I like are the sunglasses. I really want them.

You know what I love? I love how all of you continue to comment about how Kim actually seems to be gaining weight before her wedding. Vera Wang probably has to take out that SIZE 4 wedding gown until it’s… oh, maybe a 12 or 14? Kim is supposed to be doing the Tracy Anderson Method before the wedding – meaning, like, 1000 calories and a 3-hour-workout – A DAY. So it’s weird that Kim is gaining weight, right? And when I say “weird” I mean “hilarious”. She’s trying to out-do Kate Middleton’s wedding, after all. Kate starved herself into a wasp-waist, and that McQueen gown was probably a size 00.

By the way, Kim did confirm Vera Wang as her designer on her blog. Kim wrote, “Vera has been a close family friend for a long time and we had talked about this moment for years. When it came to picking my wedding dress designer she was the first person I thought of. No one designs gowns the way she does! I know that Vera can make my dream come true, and create the most perfect gown for my special day.” Once again, poor Vera. Vera and her team are going to spend hours on a gown that will be seen on a four-hour special and then forgotten immediately once the ink is dry on the divorce (six months, maybe?).

Last thing: Kim is releasing a new perfume called “Love” which will be the official scent of her wedding day. For real. I guess you can bottle the scent of Botox that has turned, Armenian farts, and Scott Disick’s Drakkar Noir mingled with cheap booze.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

In case you thought the media and public have reached Kim Kardashian saturation by now, you ain’t seen nothing yet. E!’s Kim & Kris wedding special will last four freaking hours. I usually fast forward through YouTube clips that are longer than three minutes. What the hell is E! thinking? I know, advertisers, product placement and milking this thing for all it’s worth. Kim and Kris’ wedding spectacular will be shown on E! in two two hour long specials on October 9th and 10th. The wedding itself will take place on August 20th, which means seven weeks of tabloid bullsh*t and buildup that I am in no way looking forward to.

In other nonstop, banal, cringe-inducing, bile bringing, mind-numbing Kardashian news, Kim will be one of the first models for a new 3D magazine! Because we all want to see that storebought T&A popping right out at us. I can see Kim crying and complaining about the photos afterwards as some follow-up plot for her reality show.

Also, OK! Magazine features exclusive coverage this week of Kim Kardashian’s bridal shower! The one you never anticipated or cared was happening! They have 30 photos of the party, which include some of Lindsay Lohan looking cracked out of her gourd. I subscribe to OK! on Zinio, a digital magazine website, but Zinio is down at the moment and I can’t get my magazines. What a shame. Radar has some photos here, and you can read the details on their website and on OK!’s website. Kris showed up and I tried to google whether it was customary for the groom to come to the bridal shower and whether that meant bad luck for the couple or anything. I guess it may not matter, and that filming your wedding and relationship for television is way worse for your relationship than violating a superstition.

How jacked does Kim’s face look?

Kim is shown on 7/29/11 trying out wedding cakes and on 7/30 outside Mel B’s baby shower. Credit: WENN and Fame. OK! cover via Earsucker.