I know it’s mean to laugh and point when someone breaks up right before their wedding, but in some cases it’s really hard not to. Here we have tattoo queen Kat Von D, who very publicly took up with Jesse James after his massive cheating scandal, and mutually proclaimed her love for him.

Well as we’ve heard James probably cheated on Kat too (very predictably) and they broke up before their wedding could happen. On Kat’s show L.A. Ink, filmed before the split, she got a tattoo of James’ childhood face on her ribcage. That was shown on the debut episode this season. When a reporter made it clear that Kat would be asked about the split in an interview, she walked off the set before the interview could happen. So she’s clearly very sensitive about the breakup and not ready to deal with it publicly.

Here’s yet another episode of L.A. Ink in which Kat plans her wedding to Jesse, which of course will never happen. TLC is probably loving this, because it’s the best promotion for the show they could ask for. There’s video below of Kat in an upcoming episode, which airs tonight, talking to her potential wedding dress designers about how she wants “a dress that’s special” and a wedding that trumps her elopement to her first husband.

Kat narrates off camera “Jessie and I, this is perfect. I’ve never felt this profound love for somebody else.” She shows the designers wedding dresses on her computer, and the two designers seem put out because they’re so busy. I hope they didn’t get started on it at all. It would have been hard to figure out what the hell she wanted anyway. Kat first showed them an intricate lace number and then a print by Mucha with a dress that was nothing like the first. She’s ridiculous.

Why the hell is Kat wearing two different colors of eye shadow? She looks ridiculous and like she’s got a bruise on one eye. She also comes across as dumb and naive. I guess you’d have to be to hook up with that guy at this point.

Kat is shown out on 7/29 and on 7/30. She’s with her dad. I hate those white pants, those leggings with the faux lace print and those clunky shoes!

[video via Radar Online]

This story in the upcoming issue of Star Magazine is really quite sad. I don’t feel sorry for Vanessa Minnillo’s mom at all given the circumstances, but it just is sad the way it all turned out. Someone at Star caught up with Vanessa’s mother, who is 57 and living in a trailer park in South Carolina. Vanessa’s mom Helen hasn’t spoken to her daughter in 12 years, since Vanessa was 18. Helen hasn’t seen Vanessa since she was 9, when she dropped Vanessa and her little brother off at their dad’s house for what was supposed to be a short time and never came back. I guess we know why Vanessa doesn’t speak to her mom and didn’t invite her to the wedding.

Helen Bondoc had no idea that her gorgeous 30-year-old daughter was even getting married. And when Star spoke with her exclusively at her South Carolina mobile home 12 days after Vanessa and Nick’s July 15 wedding in the British Virgin Islands, Helen struggled with her emotions.

“Oh my goodness, she’s beautiful!” Helen, 57, told Star as she grew misty-eyed while looking at photos of Vanessa and Nick on their St. Barts honeymoon.

“She’s changed so much, though I can still see that little scar on her forehead from where she picked at her chicken pox when she was a child.

“I didn’t have a clue that Vanessa was getting married. We last spoke about 12 years ago, on the phone. I just wanted to talk to her and tell her everything straight about my life. But I still think about her all the time, and I still love her dearly…”

Helen and the kids followed her husband to Turkey when he was assigned there, but they were sent back to the U.S. in 1991 after the Gulf War broke out.

Helen’s second marriage ended soon after — and so did her relationship with Vanessa after she dropped her and her brother off at their father’s house in Charleston, S.C.

“[Helen] said, ‘Keep them for now,’ ” Vincent recalls. “But she never came back.”

Vanessa has admitted that she became “sad, confused and emotional” about being abandoned by her mom but otherwise has remained tightlipped about why they’ve never ended their estrangement.

As for Helen, she tells Star: “It would be nice to have a relationship with her now, but I don’t know how she’d feel if I called her.”

And if Vanessa and Nick had kids? “It would be a happy occasion to meet my grandchildren. Whatever she’s doing today, I hope she’s happy with this man and that he treats her well. She’s still my little girl.”

[From Radar Online]

That’s terrible! Who could do that to their kids? Vanessa’s mom also claimed to have been a “hostess” and a “waitress” at two different strip clubs so I think it’s safe to assume she worked as a stripper. I don’t blame Vanessa for not talking to her mom. It just makes my heart hurt to think of someone abandoning their kids like that, but I guess it happens all the time.

E! ran a story a couple of days ago with some pretty classy quotes from Vanessa on what she thought about the fact that her new husband’s ex wife was also getting married. She used a common expression “the elephant in the room” and E! ran it with a headline that Vanessa was calling Jessica Simpson an elephant. It wasn’t accurate by a long shot, but it was funny. Vanessa said “To address the elephant in the room, yes, you know coincidentally at the same time that our wedding is going on, his ex is actually also doing the beautiful thing of getting married herself. I think she would probably pray, as much as I do, that they allow us to have our own moments.”

It’s like Vanessa wanted to say she’d cut a bitch if she stole her wedding thunder but she restrained herself and made it about the press potentially doing that, not the ex.

Access Hollywood has a new interview with Nick where he again asserts that no reality show will be coming to follow-up on his wedding special. Meanwhile Nick told E! that he’d love to have kids and was “doing everything I can.” I really like the guy and wish the best for him and Vanessa. I doubt that Vanessa’s mom is going to be playing the doting grandmother when and if these two have kids though.

Photos are from 7/25/11 (airport, credit: Fame), 6/17/11 (Bachelorette part, credit: WENN) and 4/9/11 (drunk, credit: WENN)

There’s another royal wedding going down this weekend, but don’t expect some big, exciting, over-the-top affair. *Sniff* Zara Phillips, the daughter of Princess Anne, is marrying her love Mike Tindall, a professional rugby player. Zara isn’t really royal – her mother may be a princess, but Anne married a commoner who didn’t want to take a title, and Anne raised her children as “commoners”. However, it’s said that Zara has always been one of the Queen’s favorites amongst her grandchildren. Zara is horsey and athletic and tough, just like her mom. As for Mike… well, he’s got the bent nose, and he comes from a “working class” background, but he seems to have just a pure love for Zara that really comes through in photos and interviews. They’re kind of adorable together! CB loves them too, by the way. All of a sudden, Zara is one of our favorite people. Anyway, HuffPo summarizes some of the details about the wedding, which is going down tomorrow in Scotland:

Although she counts Princess Anne as her mother, Zara Phillips and her fiance Mike Tindall are famously as far from the royal mindset as they come. As Zara’s future mother-in-law Linda Tindall told the Daily Mail, “Many-a-time Mike has said if she worked at Tesco [supermarket] at the checkout it would not matter, it’s about her and the sort of person she is.”

But while Phillips has been accepted into the Tindall clan with ease, acclimating Tindall to his new royal relatives has been harder. The Telegraph reports that Princess Anne suggested he have corrective surgery on his nose, which is slightly misshapen from repeated sports injuries. “She’s a bit worried about how the wedding photos might turn out,” the Telegraph revealed.

She needn’t worry too much, as the photos will most likely not be seen by the general public: as previously noted, Buckingham Palace thwarted Phillips’ plans to sell wedding day photos to tabloid magazine Hello! for over $800,000.

Instead, Phillips and Tindall’s nuptials this Saturday will be private, more of “a family thing” than a royal event, says the BBC.

Owing to Zara’s non-royal status (while her mother has a royal title, she and her brother Peter do not), the wedding is being independently funded, with even the royal reception venue, Holyroodhouse in Scotland, being paid for out of pocket by Zara’s grandmother, Queen Elizabeth II.

Tindall’s guests will include many fellow rugby players, while Phillips has invited members of her equestrian community.

“She regards herself as a sportswoman not as a royal. She would even dispute the fact it’s a royal wedding,” said Joe Little, editor of Majesty magazine to the BBC.

Added royal historian Hugo Vickers, “I wouldn’t say he is marrying into the royal family, rather she is marrying out of the royal family.”

There is one indisputably royal element of the wedding: Friday night’s pre-party on the famous Royal Yacht Britannia. Once described by Queen Elizabeth II as “the one place I can truly relax,” the Royal Yacht Britannia is 83rd in a line of royal yachts and has seen Winston Churchill, Mahatma Ghandi, Mikhail Gorbachev, Ronald Reagan and Nelson Mandela (to name a few) come aboard its decks, writes the Telegraph.

More importantly, the Telegraph noted, four royal couples have bunked in the yacht’s honeymoon suite after their weddings…and all have been doomed to failure: Princess Margaret and the Earl of Snowdon sailed in 1960, Zara’s mum Princess Anne and father Captain Mark Phillips shared the room in 1973, Charles and Diana honeymooned in 1981, and Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson used the boat for their honeymoon in 1986.

Looks like Zara and Mike’s reported lack of honeymoon might actually be a blessing in disguise. Phillips and Tindall will forgo a honeymoon as the groom returns to rugby training camp on Sunday night, writes the Telegraph.

[From Huffington Post]

Mike also discussed Zara’s fiery personality, saying that he‘s the unemotional one: “The fire and ice thing is true to a certain extent. Being angry doesn’t come naturally to me. Zara isn’t like that. She’ll say how she feels and show her emotions. To start with, people wondered whether our backgrounds were too different – but it’s not a problem… [The royal family are] good, fun people – all of them. They’re just a normal family.” He also said something that is making a little bit weepy – talking about how they aren’t doing their honeymoon right away because they’ve got athletic events scheduled, Mike said: “But that’s the way we like our lives. Low-key, with lots of sport and as much time together as possible. I’m looking forward to Zara being my wife. Is that soppy enough?” Aw…

Look how adorable they are with each other! Also: Zara has, like, a Kardashian ass. Oh, and I included one of Princess Anne, because THAT HAIR needs to go.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

Do you hear that? That’s the sound of Jessica Simpson guzzling a box of wine, followed by a bottle of Scotch, followed by ten vodka shots. In other words, “Friday”. No! Poor Jessica. Today is the day that her ex-husband got remarried to the little tartlet that was only supposed to be his rebound girl, Vanessa Minnillo. That other sound you hear? That’s the sound of Vanessa rolling on a bed of money from Nick’s divorce settlement from Jessica. Vanessa got the last laugh!

Talk about a day in paradise. Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey were married Friday evening in a tropical island ceremony in front of just 35 friends and family, their reps confirm exclusively to PEOPLE.

“For us, this is just a stepping stone to do what we ultimately want and that’s to start a family together,” Minnillo tells PEOPLE.

The pair, who became engaged in November, flew their wedding guests to the secret location as a surprise.

“Nobody knew where they were going,” says Minnillo, 30.

Adds Lachey, “Our wedding invitations were in the form of a plane ticket. We told them they were going away and the attire was ‘island chic.’ It was all very vague.”

Minnillo, the new host of Wipeout, donned a two-piece Monique Lhuillier ensemble featuring an intricately embellished lace corset with rose and crystal detail, paired with a signature hand tufted skirt made of silk faille.

The look was completed with a tailored bow belt at her waist and chapel length tulle veil.

Lachey, 37, who hosts The Sing-Off, sported a Dolce & Gabanna suit.

Their wedding will be televised on a TLC’s special called Nick & Vanessa’s Dream Wedding premiering on July 30 from 9-11pm ET/PT.

[From People]

Okay, does anyone else think her dress sounds WAY too frou-frou? Two piece Lhuillier, lace corset (with crystal details) and a hand-tufted skirt? Too much. Especially for a beachy wedding. I mean, every bride should make her own choices, etc, and I’ll definitely have to see photos of the gown for myself, but it sounds more like a prom dress for a 16-year-old than a wedding gown.

In any case, congratulations to the happy couple! They’re been together for so long, I think they’ve probably worked out all of the kinks in their relationship, and I hope they will be very happy. Babies soon, I’m thinking.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

If the news of Kim Kardashian’s outrageous gift registry didn’t shock you, this might. Star Magazine is running a piece that states that the price of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries’ Halloween wedding is nearly double earlier reported figures. Kim has a guest list that totals over 1,000 people and is having such a huge extravagant bash that costs are quickly getting out of control. Well we did hear that Kim wanted to out-do the royal wedding.

While some have speculated that the price tag for the blowout event [Kim's wedding] will be around $10 million, that staggering number has already doubled, Star has learned. And insiders expect the $20 million to continue ballooning as the big day, which is reportedly Oct. 31, approaches… (By comparison, Prince William and Kate Middleton’s April wedding cost about $60 million.)

The couple will have a jaw-dropping number of loved ones on hand to help them celebrate. “There’s no location yet, but Kim is already inviting at least 1,000, and the list is getting longer,” says an insider. “The original idea was to have a wedding on each coast, but now she wants one huge wedding….”

Every element of Kris, 26, and Kim’s extravaganza will be fit for royalty. When she leaves for the ceremony, she wants everyone watching her as she waves,” says the insider. “Just like William and Kate!”

[From Star Magazine, print edition, July 18, 2011]

Read that last paragraph. Kaiser pretty much called it in this earlier story. She wrote, “when [Kim] exits… and gets in her solid gold carriage, she really thinks that all of the peasants will come out and wave to her as she rides by.”

Do you think Kim is going to encourage guests to come in costume? I’m more outraged by the fact that she’s pre-opting a great holiday with her wedding plans. It’s arrogant to ask people to skip Halloween with their family, but that’s Kim. You would think she’d schedule it for another day, and not give up the opportunity to wear another bikini disguised as a costume.

In never ending related news about Kim, Hollywood Life reports that Kim and Kris are in talks for their own reality show. (Presumably with E!, although they don’t specify.) Of kourse, that’s to be expected. They write that the negotiations depend on whatever contract Kris gets with an NBA team. He’s now a free agent, but if he ends up with a team that restricts outside work for players he might not be allowed to appear in his own show. If that’s the case they’ll just use footage of Kim and Kris for Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

Kim and Kris are shown out in NY on 6/24/11. She’s also shown out yesterday on 7/7 (jeans) and on 7/6 (skirt). Credit: Fame.

OK! Magazine has a new piece about all the problems Jessica Simpson is supposedly facing ahead of her wedding, which is rumored to be taking place this fall. The article focuses on whatever competition she may be feeling as her ex, Nick Lachey, marries his longterm girlfriend Vanessa Minnillo this summer. I would say that’s overblown, but remember that Jessica announced her engagement to Eric Johnson just a few days after Nick and Vanessa did. Nick couldn’t give a crap, though. It’s not a race for him. So I think Nick’s upcoming wedding may bother Jessica, but maybe not to the extent the gossip press would have us believe. She’s probably wanted to remarry for ages and the fact that it coincides with Nick’s wedding this year is just earning her more publicity.

Anyway some of OK!’s story sounds fake to me. They claim that Jessica wanted to have her wedding on July 2 but found out that Nick’s bachelor party was then so they rescheduled. We’ve heard that she’s having it on 11/11/11 for superstitious reasons so that doesn’t seem likely that it would happen this summer. I’m not above repeating this though of course.

They couldn’t agree on a venue
“Jessica had her heart set on a tropical destination,” a longtime pal tells OK! “She was pushing for Turtle Island resort in Fiji.” But that’s where she went on her first honeymoon with Nick. “Eric felt like it was a bad omen,” says the pal. That upset Jess. “She said she didn’t want to go through with the wedding if it was going to start all these fights,” adds the source.

She’s losing the weight war
Although Jessica thinks she’s good the way she is, weight is still a sore point. “She gets irritated that if you google her name, all that comes up is ‘Jessica is fatter than Vanessa [Minnillo],” says the source… “She feels like it’ll haunt her forever, so she’s insecure about it.”

She didn’t want to compete with Nick’s party
Jess and Eric were set to wed July 2 – the same day as Nick’s bachelor party at Tao in Las Vegas. “She doesn’t like competing with Nick. She didn’t want to walk down the aisle when Nick and Vanessa were doing something wedding related… She wanted her special day to be hers.”

[From OK! Magazine, print edition, July 18, 2011]

OK! also claims that Jessica’s sister Ashlee’s split with her husband has Jessica “rattled,” and that Ashlee is “urging Jess to take things as slow as possible.”

Meanwhile Nick is moving forward with plans to marry Vanessa on an unspecified date. They’re going to have a wedding special on TLC but he told the press over the weekend that it will be a one-off special. Nick claims that they won’t be getting a reality show like the one that skyrocketed him to fame with Jessica. He said “I would never want to put ourselves through a reality show again. This is a different process: There’s a beginning, an end, and then it’s over, it’s done.” At first I really thought he was talking about his first marriage to Jessica.

Some photos are from Jessica’s appearance on Oprah in May. They’re screenshots from this video. Jessica and Eric are shown out on 6/3/11. Credit: Fame

Since people seem to have a new interest in Charlene Wittstock and Prince Albert, I thought I’d do some additional photos from the Monaco wedding on Saturday. The whole affair wasn’t half as glamorous and A-list as they thought it was, but a decent amount of royals came out, and there were some “celebrities” like Karl Lagerfeld up there, judging us all. I think Karl designed Charlene’s reception gown, the tiered affair with the more flattering neckline. Karl has also taken Charlene under his decrepit wing, so there’s that too.

I keep reading that my lover Gerard Butler was invited, but there are no photos of him in Monaco, and I tend to think he was in California over the whole weekend. So, instead, I give you Roger Moore. Now, I like Roger Moore. He’s a tireless UNICEF ambassador and by all accounts, a lovely man. But he looks like DEATH. He makes Karl Lagerfeld look like the picture of health.

Here’s Sweden’s Crown Princess Victoria and her husband/consort, Prince Daniel. They seem happy and stable, but why isn’t she knocked up?! They were married more than a year ago. Gotta produce those royal heirs. I tend to think Victoria is too underdressed for the wedding, but Daniel looks nice.

Don’t ask me what Charlotte Casiraghi is wearing. It’s hideous, and inappropriate for a girl older than 12. She’s so beautiful, but I want to yell at her until she stands up straight and stops making faces. She’s like the Kristen Stewart of Monaco.

And here’s Charlotte with her mother, Princess Caroline, and Caroline’s oldest son Andrea, who looks nice with a haircut. Caroline wanted Andrea to get the crown – she was positioning him for that before this whole Charlene disaster. Perhaps Caroline will get her way in the end.

And finally, here’s Naomi Campbell and her married lover. This is what Naomi wore for the church wedding, but for the reception, Naomi totally changed into a white gown, of course. And if you want to criticize her for wearing white, she’ll beat the hell out of you.

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

Here are some photos from yesterday’s church wedding for the now Princess Charlene (formerly Charlene Wittstock) and Prince Albert of Monaco. On Friday, Charlene and Albert had their civil ceremony, so there were already technically married. Yesterday’s service was just for the Catholic Church’s blessing and stuff (I don’t know the technicalities of it, nor do I care). The bride wore Armani, and I HATE it. The skirt and the bodice of the gown isn’t terrible at all, but for goodness sake WHY do this neckline on a woman with extremely broad shoulders?!? Armani made Charlene look like a linebacker. Beyond the gown, I think Charlene made a somewhat better show at the church service than at her civil ceremony, where she looked kind of drugged out (tranq’d out). But we now know why she (not so allegedly) tried to bolt – there’s probably another illegitimate kid in the mix for Prince Albert:

It may have had all the superficial trappings of a fairytale royal wedding, but as Prince Albert of Monaco tied the knot with his reluctant bride yesterday, the scandals surrounding their often tense nuptials took yet another awkward turn. Officials in the Mediterranean enclave chose the day of his glittering wedding to former Olympic swimmer Charlene Wittstock to announce that the Prince would have to take a paternity test for a possible third illegitimate child. A palace aide said that one of 33-year-old Princess Charlene’s first duties would therefore be to stand by her husband if there was another public scandal.

Albert, 53, already has an illegitimate six-year-old son called Alexandre through a Togolese former air hostess called Nicole Coste, and a 19-year-old daughter called Jazmin with Tamara Rotolo, an American estate agent. Both were kept away from Albert’s marriage to avoid ‘media exposure’, an official inside Monaco’s royal palace said.

The source added: ‘The truth of the rumour is that Albert faces paternity tests following a claim by at least one former lover.’

But none of Albert’s illegitimate brood will have a claim to the throne, with the official saying: ‘Even if a third or even a fourth child is confirmed Albert will not have an official heir until Princess Charlene bears him one.’

The tests will go ahead in the next few days, said the source. French magazine Public has attributed two new illegitimate children to Albert. One is said to be 18 months old and the son of an Italian woman who is preparing to tell all. Other magazines have suggested Ms Coste has had a second baby with Prince Albert – an idea that gained credibility last week when the 40-year-old was pictured in Monte Carlo. Ms Coste received a multi-million-pound settlement when a DNA test showed Albert was Alexandre’s father, while Ms Rotolo has also been supported financially by him.

Lawyers for Prince Albert have said categorically that the rumour he fathered another child is false – but they made similarly fierce denials before genetic tests proved he had fathered the other two children. The source said he hoped yesterday’s Roman Catholic ceremony in the Palace courtyard, a day after the uneasy civil service, would ‘overshadow’ the latest revelations about secret children – although that seems like wishful thinking.

There was an audible sigh of relief when bride and groom said ‘I do’, ten days after Charlene was allegedly intercepted at Nice airport as she tried to flee home to South Africa. She has looked uncomfortable, even sad, in recent appearances while Albert also looked ashen-faced during yesterday’s service, despite the apparent glamour of the event.

All saw Albert wink at his new bride after she had said ‘Oui’ when asked by the Archbishop of Monaco, Bernard Barsi, if she wanted to marry him.

Wearing an off-the-shoulder Armani dress, the new Princess Charlene’s gown took the designer’s team 2,500 hours to prepare, of which 700 hours was spent on the embroidery alone, using ‘kilometres’ of platinum-coated thread sewn into 130 metres of off-white silk.

The gown would have been heavy for the new Princess, as she would have had to carry the weight of 40,000 Swarovski crystals, 20,000 mother of pearl tear drops and 30,000 ‘stones in gold shades’.

The dress’s crowning glory was the five-metre long train made from 20 metres of silk tulle, which took 100 hours to make.

The groom looked smart in a cream summer uniform of Monaco’s palace guards, with his sleeves embroidered with oak and olive leave.

[From The Mail]

So, Albert probably has another kid, conceived about two and a half years ago, when he was technically WITH Charlene (they’ve allegedly been dating since 2006). Most people think that this is the little scandal that Charlene learned about last week, and that this is what made her try to do a runner. My opinion? This scandal was merely the straw that broke the camel’s back. I think Charlene realized just how terrible all of it was going to be. I know she’s a princess now and everything, but I feel really sorry for her.

Oh, and here’s the dress she wore to the reception – I think it’s Armani too. Meh. It’s cute, I guess. The neckline is much better.

More photos from the wedding:

Photos courtesy of Fame & WENN.

Well, it happened! Charlene Wittstock managed to marry Prince Albert of Monaco in a quiet civil ceremony today in Monte Carlo. Tomorrow is the big church wedding where Charlene will wear her big white dress (I believe it’s going to be Armani, right?), but today Charlene just wore a simple, pale blue suit. So, did she ever really try to do a runner? Sources continue to say that she did, and this morning, I spied this headline: “Prince Albert’s lawyer denies Charlene Wittstock had passport confiscated at Nice airport during last-minute attempt to leave principality.” Did you hear that? HE TOOK HER PASSPORT. Seriously, this poor girl. This is like an international catastrophe. If I was Charlene, you can bet I would have been calling my embassy and throwing a massive fit.

A former Olympic swimmer from South Africa was officially declared Princess Charlene of Monaco today following her marriage to Prince Albert. Dressed in a sky-blue jacket and skirt, 33-year-old Charlene Wittstock smiled radiantly as she said ‘I do’ in a civil ceremony in the Royal Palace throne room of the ancient Mediterranean principality.

Her new husband, 53-year-old Albert, looked on proudly in a dark suit and grey tie as he put sensational rumours about his personal life behind him. The French press even compared the nuptials to Britain’s Royal Wedding – while lamenting the fact that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge had sadly had to decline their invitation to Monte Carlo because they were on an official trip to Canada.

Less respectful Gallic commentators were, meanwhile, suggesting that history’s first Princess Charlene might not have the same ring to it as Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge.

Miss Wittstock had, in the words of Le Monde, ‘tried to escape’ last week – back home to South Africa after learning that Albert may have fathered a third love child. As the mystery deepened, Albert’s two love children and their mothers stayed away from today’s 40 minute ceremony at the Royal Palace. They are also expected to be absent from the Catholic Church ceremony tomorrow.

Instead French President Nicolas Sarkozy is set to join celebrity guests including James Bond star Roger Moore, former supermodel Naomi Campbell, and veteran fashion designers Karl Lagerfeld and Giorgio Armani. Organisers of the £55million celebrations surrounding the wedding – which included a concert by The Eagles last night – hope that it will rival the 1956 wedding of Albert’s mother, Hollywood star Grace Kelly, and his father, Prince Rainier.

Philippe Narmino, president of Monaco’s Council of State, officiated today, and confirmed that the former Miss Wittstock was now officially a Princess. Before the 5pm ceremony, Mr Narmino said: ‘It’s the event of my life. Me, who as a magistrate, has dealt with hundreds of divorce dossiers during 27 years, will be marrying a couple for the first time.’

Referring to the Paris news magazine which broke the story about Charlene’s attempted flight, and which still stands by it, Albert’s lawyer Thierry Lacoste said: ‘I heard everything about the child – white, black, who has been born, not yet born – it has to stop, it’s I don’t know what. There is no child, it’s a totally false rumour and absolutely without foundation. It’s easy to do your job as a journalist – to check that Charlene did not go to the airport. It’s clearly false, she and the prince were around all last week.’

In fact a senior detective from Monaco, who was involved in the later stages of the ‘incident’ at Nice airport, has confirmed that ‘Charlene had her passport confiscated so that the Prince’s entourage could persuade her to stay’.

Albert already has two children – six-year-old Alexandre, the son of Nicole Coste, a former Air France air hostess from Togo, and Jazmin, 19, whose mother is Tamara Rotola, an American estate agent. Miss Coste was spotted in Monaco earlier this week, but was said to have been advised to stay away from the wedding to avoid ‘media exposure’.

Mr Lacoste infamously issued fierce denials before DNA tests proved Albert was the father of Alexandre and Tamara. Despite his strong denial this time around, Mr Lacoste confirmed that he was taking no action against L’Express. And Christophe Barbier, editor of L’Express and a close friend of French First Lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, said the magazine had no intention of removing the story from its website, saying: ‘We stand by our information which was supplied by three different sources.’

Mr Barbier said it was important to give Charlene’s attempted return home publicity because of the ‘number of crowned heads and representatives of various states that are expected at the marriage’.

Despite such enthusiastic predictions, the guest list for the wedding – which had been shrouded in secrecy until today – revealed that many senior royals who had been expected to attend were not in fact coming.

[From The Mail]

I’m starting to believe that Charlene did in fact try to do a runner, but she was somehow talked back into marrying Albert. Maybe she was promised money, or a completely separate life away from him, or God knows what. I’m also wondering if Charlene is being medicated, or if she’s self-medicating… wouldn’t you need to take a pill (or a half a dozen) to deal with marrying Albert, this dude who you clearly don’t want to be married to?

UPDATE: More photos from today’s balcony kiss. I swear, Charlene looks like she’s wincing.

Photos courtesy of WENN.

My GOD. Rachel Weisz married her jumpoff! And what a lovely jumpoff he is. According to Rachel’s rep, Rachel and Daniel Craig GOT MARRIED on Friday in upstate New York. Um… they’re both British? Why not get married in England? Maybe they were celebrating New York state’s gay marriage vote, especially considering Daniel Craig likes to roughly French kiss dudes outside of gay bars?!? This makes no sense, on any level other than: HOT. Rachel and Daniel are in a mutual dong-and-biscuit-lust/haze. They split from their partners last year – for Daniel, he split with long-term girlfriend Satsuki, for Rachel, she split from her baby-daddy Darren Aronofsky – so maybe they just had a “BAM!” moment of “This is right, we must do this, and it must be hot.” Or, you know, Rachel could be knocked up.

Release the doves! Rachel Weisz and Daniel Craig got married Friday in upstate New York, Weisz’s rep confirms to Us Weekly.. Craig, 43, and Weisz, 41, costar in the upcoming horror film Dream House, which will hit theaters in September 2011.

Weisz split with beau Darren Aronofsky, a producer, in November 2010. The two have a son together, Henry Chance (5). In December 2010, only a month after ending her nine-year relationship with Aronofsky, Weisz and Craig were spotted packing on the PDA in the Englsh countryside town of Somerset.

The James Bond actor was married to actress Fiona Loudon from 1992 to 1994. The two have one daughter together, Ella (19).

After only a few months of dating, the sexy British couple was spotted “making out” at an anniversary party for NYC club, The Box, in February. “They were adorable,” an observer told Us, adding that the lovers left their table and “started dancing… and they were kissing!”

[From Us Weekly]

So… Rachel could never be bothered to marry Darren, Daniel could never be bothered to marry Satsuki, and now suddenly they’re both “Let’s Get Married!” people? I’m not a marriage person either, but I am a person who appreciates consistency. Still, I’m not going to yell about it. Mostly because I’m really turned on at the thought of Daniel and Rachel consummating their marital love. As far as joint hotness goes, in my mind, they’re right up there with Brangelina and Paul Bettany/Jennifer Connelly.

Congrats to the happy couple (and what I’m sure is a baby on the way)!

Note: People Magazine and The Mail are claiming that Rachel and Daniel got married on Wednesday, not Friday. I don’t know which is right.

Photos courtesy of WENN.