The Cruise-Holmes merger is said to be about six weeks away. While Katie has shaped up with the help of a trainer using the Buff Brides program, Tom looks like all his PR appearances have him stress eating.

His face is all puffed up and he looks like he’s trying to suck it in. He also needs a haircut badly. What happened to him?

I remember seeing the pictures of his visit to Yahoo! and thinking “He may be batshit crazy, but he still looks hot.” Now he’s just crazy.

In amusing related news, a guy was arrested for taking a leak on the grounds at the Cruise estate. It’s unknown how he got on the premises is in the first place:

Cruise, Holmes and Suri were said to be home at the time, but their place is so huge they might not have even known about it.

Here are Tom, Katie and possibly Tom’s mom at another one of Isabella’s soccer games on 9/16. Thanks to KatieHolmes.com for these pictures.

Jessica Simpson still looks pretty good when she’s not wearing ill-advised black sack dresses. Star Magazine claims she’s gained 20 pounds, though, and even fan site Sweetkisses.net says she’s sporting a fuller figure. She still looks gorgeous and what’s wrong with a starlet who’s a size 8?

While The National Ledger claims Star Magazine says that Jessica is dating newly single Scrubs star Zach Braff and that she’s seen him on both the East and West coast, The Scoop reports that the same article has Jessica fending off his advances:

It’s too bad that she’s single and lonely, but she let Nick slip through her fingers and maybe she’ll be more mature about her relationships in the future.

In the August UK edition of Ok! Magazine, Jessica says she loves her curves and that she enjoys eating. She also says that she does Pilates to stay in shape and that she doesn’t want to bulk up like former wrestling star Chyna. (That’s a myth since weight training helps you stay slender and toned, and is a more effective way to shape your body than aerobics.)

Here is Jessica in Ok! and in an ad for her handbag and shoe line. [via]

Britain’s The Mirror is reporting that Gwyenth Paltrow wants plastic surgery to repair her post-baby figure. They claim that she had a talk with friends in which she admitted to not being pleased with her body and asking about surgical options. While I think comparison photographs make it clear that Gwyneth has had plastic surgery on her face, including a nose job and eye lift, I doubt this conversation ever took place. I’ve caught the British tabloids making up shit wholesale (and I’m sure the American rags do it too, the Brits are just more obvious) and this sounds like a fabricated story:

The article goes on to say that Gwyneth confessed that her two year-old daughter, Apple, is jealous of newborn Moses.

It’s possible that one of her friends blabbed about the conversation or that a waiter overheard them, but I think that the Mirror knew that Gwyneth dined with American friends at a particular restaurant and filled in the details. She looks great, but she’s not as thin as she normally is and guessing that she’s not happy with her body isn’t that much of a stretch.

Here are recent pictures of Gwyneth that I read were taken outside of a London gym. Hot Momma Drama asks if she could be pregnant, but it just looks like she’s wearing an unflattering top.

Matthew McConaughey has been letting himself go since his split with Penelope Cruz. He was photographed with a bit of a beer belly at a party he threw on the 4th of July:

Yeah, Matt still looks hot with a few extra pounds. He looks like he needs to suck his stomach in. He can whip himself back into stinky shape if he needs to. A few laps around the trailer park should do it.

Update: Matt doesn’t look quite as fat when he’s taking a jog on the beach. (inset picture via People Magazine)

Here’s his ex, Penelope Cruz, out with a friend in Beverly Hills on 6/28. You don’t see a lot of paparrazi pictures of her and she doesn’t look like she minds being photographed. [via]

In these new pictures of Nicole Richie on the beach in Malibu on Sunday she looks like she gained a little essential weight. She’s still vastly too skinny, but you have to give the poor waif a little credit. She must have had a sandwich in the time between December and now, because there’s a slight difference. It could be the fact that she’s cleverly hiding her sternum beneath a scarf, but her stomach looks a little more filled out, and her legs are less skinny. It looks like a 5-7 pound weight gain. She isn’t a normal weight by any measure though. Picking her apart probably won’t help her face up to her problem, but we couldn’t resisit.

According to one of Nicole’s friends, her drastic weight loss was caused by an addiction to the over the counter weight loss drug hoodia.

Nicole’s friend sounds like she’s covering up for her other addictions.

Thanks to celebworld for reposting the older picture of Nicole in a bikini for comparison.

Pictures [via]

New Bond Daniel Craig can’t play cards or drive a stick shift, and he doesn’t like guns or speedboats. He also demands baby lotion and nail files, and got a widdle rash while filming “Casino Royale” in the sun.

He’s going to redeem himself with full frontal nudity and a lot of hot sex scenes for the film, and at least he’s super-buff and has a great six-pack going for him - or maybe not. He loved the dumplings so much while filming in Prague that producers were forced to hire him a personal trainer:

[via]

OMG - he almost ruined his single qualification for playing Bond! He’s back in shape now, though, but the guy doesn’t have a clue. Maybe the movie will be hot, though, and we’ll see it just to get a glimpse.

Update: Pictures removed on request.

Britney is getting all sorts of bad press this week. First she is supposedly stress-eating, and was told by her record company to shape up or risk her career:

Poor Britney. It must be hard to be married to Federjerk, and hopefully she’ll find a more constructive way to deal with her stress.

She also isn’t even in the top 100 of FHM’s sexiest women this year, and one of Kevin’s exes (not Shar Jackson) has said that she better shape up or she’ll lose Kevin. Maybe that’s why she’s taking her time about it.

Britney has a new single which you can partially hear online. You can download a 50 second mp3 of “Just Yesterday” from breatheheavy.com.

Here is Britney dancing to her new song. The video says it’s called “Little Me,” but it is credited as “Just Yesterday” on breatheheavy.com, and is supposed to be about her sister. She’s still got the moves and the song is lovely.

MandyMoore.net reports that USWeekly has an article covering Kelly Osbourne’s weight loss and Mandy Moore’s move in the opposite direction:

Mandy is quoted as saying:

She does look a bit more filled out in these latest photos, but we think they’re Photoshopped. She looks heavier in some pictures than others and we suspect they may have been stretched out to make her look fatter by someone who read the US Weekly article.

Moore’s sex life was just made a little more public by Wilmer Valderrama’s indiscreet interview on Howard Stern, in which he claimed to have taken her virginity when they were dating almost 6 years ago.

Three more after the jump.

(Read more…)