Dave Chappelle claims that he probably won’t return to Comedy Central if they show the new material that he shot before his abrupt departure in May:

For his part, Chappelle is non-committal. Comedy Central of course wants him to return to his wildly successful show:

According to this website, Chappelle wasn’t crazy at all, but was pressured by a cabal of powerful African-Americans, including Jesse Jackson, Oprah, and Bill Cosby, to step down. The site was later dismissed as a viral marketing campaign for a Chappelle show writer. I totally believed that shit, though, until I actually did the research for this post.

Update: “Dave Chappelle’s Block Party” is supposed to be hilarious.

Carmen Electra’s shoddy logic reveals how much of a ho she really is. She went the opera as a paid guest of an Austrian businessman who is known for hiring actresses to accompany him to the event. She thought he really wanted sex, though, so she took the money and left early!

Hollywood Tuna reports that Electra was paid a mere $1,255 dollars, but they seem to have confused the cost of the evening with the unknown amount paid to Electra to serve as an escort. Hopefully Electra thinks her sexual favors are worth at least five figures.

K-Fed seems to have joined his foolish wife in Hawaii. Here are some snaggle-tooth pictures of him talking on the phone. I know, these are thrilling. She may have kicked him out of the house, but he’s still hanging around. [via]

Update: According to British tab “The Sun,” Britney bought a 3 million house in Hawai hoping to rekindle her relationship. I can’t keep up anymore, but the girl is just trying too hard. She should have waited to get married. The same crap would have happened to me if I married any of the idiots I dated in my early twenties. [via]

Two more after the jump.

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Here are some pictures of Mariah Carey posing at Revlon’s pre-Oscar celebrity “suite.” [via] According to Entertainment Tonight celebs are getting pre-Oscar cosmetics:

What a creative way to explain that celebrities get stuff in exchange for free product promotion. I really hate the word “swag,” it sounds so ridiculous.

Oh and that’s Mariah’s hairstylist Kristofer Buckle. In case you haven’t heard the important news, hairstylists are the new BFs. Two more pictures after the jump.

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Keira looks like she had a manicure at the Diamond Aquifer pre-oscar suite. If she has any sense she’ll choose a new color for the Oscars. She seems to have perfected the “I’m so full of shit” pose. Unfortunately they don’t do eyebrows at these mini-spa suites. [via]

Keira is said to be dating fellow Pride and Prejudice star, Rupert Friend. She is also said to be a royal pain in the ass.

Update: Keira Knightly to be the new face of Chanel cosmetics.

Three more after the jump.

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- Lindsay Lohan poses with a bong and lines of coke in the background. If only there was a video. (Yeeeah)
- Hillary Swank and Chad Lowe didn’t want to share custody of their pets, so they got back together. (Daily Dish via Oh no they didn’t)
- Kid Rock thinks Scott Stapp’s a loser, too. (Pop Sugar)
- Scarlett Johansson was shocked by Mizrahi’s grope, but maintains perspective. (IDLYITW)
- Is there anything Heidi Klum won’t sell? (Dlisted)
- Lindsay Lohan’s nipple slip video! (The Bastardly)

The NY Times predicts the Oscar winners using the categories “Conventional Wisdom,” “Underdog,” “Wildcard,” and “Bagger.” The rating system is a bit convoluted, with the first three categories independent of the last.

Best Picture:
Conventional Wisdom: Brokeback Mountain
Underdog: Crash
Wildcard: Good Night and Good Luck
NYT Predicted Winner (Bagger): Crash

Best Actress:
Conventional Wisdom: Reese Witherspoon - Walk the Line
Underdog: Felicity Huffman - Transamerica
Wildcard: Keira Knightly - Pride and Prejudice
NYT Predicted Winner (Bagger): Reese Witherspoon - Walk the Line

Best Actor:
Conventional Wisdom: Philip Seymour Hoffman - Capote
Underdog: Heath Ledger - Brokeback Mountain
Wildcard: Terrence Howard - Hustle and Flow
NYT Predicted Winner (Bagger): Philip Seymour Hoffman - Capote

Supporting Actor:
Conventional Wisdom: George Clooney - Syriana
Underdog: Paul Giamatti - Cinderella Man
Wildcard: Jake Gyllenhaal - Brokeback Mountain
NYT Predicted Winner (Bagger): George Clooney - Syriana

Supporting Actress:
Conventional Wisdom: Rachel Weisz - The Constant Gardner
Underdog: Amy Adams - Junebug
Wildcard: Michelle Williams - Brokeback Mountain
NYT Predicted Winner (Bagger): Rachel Weisz - The Constant Gardner

See more predictions in their pop-up graphic (warning: this link will initally resize your screen, but it is easily maximized again.)

And if you missed Reese’s Oscar-worthy performance, here’s a clip from “Walk the Line” with June telling Johnny off for partying too much:

Failure to Launch will be in theatres March 10. It really looks like it’s going to suck and the title could be prophetic, but I might watch it on DVD. The plot is genius. Here’s the synopsis from the official movie site (which I had to transcribe and can’t link properly because it’s all Flash - what poor usability):

And they thought SJP was right for this role because…(?)
Failure also features Kathy Bates, Terry Bradshaw, and Bradley Cooper.

Update: Matt didn’t have much to say when asked about his co-star SJP, and it’s easy to infer from his comments that he didn’t get along with her. Sarah blew off the suggestion that there were any problems on set.

Six more after the jump [via]

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Contact Music reports that Jessica Simpson is planning to release her cathartic post-breakup poetry. I bet McCauley Culkin reads like Tolstoy compared to her.

Here are some cute pictures from Japanese magazines published last year. (Before she poured her heart out to share with her fans.) Some of the captions are humorously mangled in typical Japanese to English style. Six more after the jump. [via]

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Jennifer Love Hewitt feels sorry for her troubled fans, and spends an inordinate amount of time listening to their problems and trying to help them. She’s especially bothered when she can’t channel her on-screen character, the ghost whisperer, to help widows speak to their dead husbands:

JLove spoke to a crazy old woman for 20 minutes, and instead of walking away annoyed, she felt guilty that she couldn’t help her! Honey, no one can help someone who thinks they watch TV with their dead spouse.

On February 26th JLove hosted the LA County “Race for the Cure” to benefit the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. She wanted to “honor her aunt who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and is undergoing treatment.” [via]

She has to be the kindest celebrity ever.

Here are some Ghost Whisperer promotion photos. Pictures of J.Love speaking at the “Race for the Cure” are after the jump. [via] and [via]