As you’ve probably noticed, the gossip has been light here this week. I’ve been working on a big corporate website that I haven’t said anything about because I assumed I could keep up with the celebrities, do that other project, watch my kid, and take care of the house all at once during one of the hottest weeks of the year. Of course I couldn’t and I’m exhausted!

Thanks for bearing with me. My big project is wrapping up this week, my babysitter is coming back from vacation, and I’ll have more time for the blog on Monday. In the mean time here are some gossip links.

I’ve been thinking a lot about “poor” Tori Spelling’s predicament now that she’s inherited less than $1 million from her uber-rich dead dad.

I once read a John Grisham novel about one of the richest guys on the planet who had a bunch of children by different wives. His plan was to give each of his ungrateful kids $1 million on their 18th birthday and watch how they foolishly squandered it. Since they couldn’t manage their money, he decided to leave them a pittance in his will. Right after he died, all his kids went heavily into debt thinking they were about to strike it rich. He left them just enough to pay off the debts they incurred before he died.

My point is that Tori undoubtedly has a shitload of debt because she expected to get a sizable portion of her father’s $500 million estate. Not only have we seen those staged pictures of her outside a pawn shop, she’s now selling her clothes on eBay. That’s got to hurt. Maybe she should have been nicer to her mom, because she could get some eBay tips from her. Her seller posts are very poorly designed.

- Tori Spelling is selling her clothes on eBay [Bricks and Stones]
- It’s sad when Jake Gyllenhaal and Matthew McConaughy bike without Lance Armstrong. [Mollygood]
- Heidi Klum and Seal to have a boy [Barbie Martini]
- Get hairstyle tips and makeup secrets to look like Jessica Alba, Jessica Simpson, and Jennifer Lopez at our advertiser, Beauty Riot. [Beauty Riot]
- Christina Aguilera looks normal and drunk [Jordan is your Homeboy]
- Is Halle Berry pregnant? [smart]
- Should Kurara Chibana have won Miss Universe 2006? [The Bastardly]
- One of Pamela Anderson’s weddings to Kid Rock isn’t going to be valid [CelebGuru]
- Get your Celebrity DNA (Did you see “Slacker”? Remember Madonna’s pubic hair? It’s like that.) [CityRag]
- Gisele Bundchen bikini pictures [Egotastic]
- Clever illustration of Reese Witherspoon vs. Star Magazine [Gallery of the Absurd]
- Pamela Anderson launches poker site [Glitterati]
- Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie to reunite on Letterman [I'm not obsessed]
- Babs is a beauty [Dlisted]

It’s a shame there’s no Nick Nolte style mug shot to include with this story, but uber-religious Catholic cult member Mel Gibson was arrested for drunk driving on Friday after supposedly being sober for years. He had a bottle of tequila in his car, and said it wasn’t his but he’d “had a little bit” (that’s classic!)

TMZ also has details of a police cover-up to remove inflammatory details from the original report. When he was first arrested, Mel Gibson went off on Jews, saying they were responsible for all the wars in the world, and told the arresting officer repeatedly that he was going to “fuck” him. He also tried to run away when the cop did him a courtesy by not cuffing him.

Once he was in custody, he tried to unzip his pants to pee on the floor of his holding cell!

Gibson was obviously distraught over the illegal unprovoked war on Lebanon that’s killed countless innocent civilians. Israel is responsible for a high percentage of wars, but then again so are the Americans. There’s that whole imprisoning an entire country thing that Israel’s doing, too. It’s not the Jewish or American peoples’ fault, though, just their terrible leaders.

Gibson was pulled over for drunk driving twice before and let off with just a warning.

Mel Gibson is a member of the Catholic cult, Opus Dei, which tried to escape the terrible image it was given in the Da Vinci Code, and calls their portrayal inaccurate:

The only other famous person I’ve heard of who was a member of Opus Dei was FBI spy Robert Hanssen, who rigged up a secret room in order to let his best friend watch while he had sex with his wife.

Gibson has since apologized for his behavior, saying that he “acted like a person completely out of control,” that he “said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable,” and that he was “deeply ashamed.”

It’s too late for Gibson, because everyone’s suspicions about him have been confirmed. Now that their highest profile member has been exposed for the jerk he is, Opus Dei is going to have even more problems with their image. Mel Gibson’s going to have quite a hard time making his weird religious movies too.

Lindsay Lohan got a harsh letter from the CEO of the production company running her latest film, “Georgia Rule,” that makes it clear that her bosses aren’t buying the “heat exhaustion” excuse. I initially believed that Lohan was working every day and just had to go to the hospital once for whatever reason, because I’m gullible like that and there are plenty of pictures of her on set. It turns out that Lohan skipped a entire day of work and planned not to go in the next day, either.

Lohan’s bosses are pissed that she showed up late to work a bunch of times and held up filming for a day, since
it costs big bucks to keep all those actors hydrated and gaffers fed. They sent a letter to the hotel she stays at last Wednesday.

This letter hit the Internet, thanks to The Smoking Gun, on Thursday. Instead of staying at home, maybe renting a movie or buying shit on eBay, Lohan was out partying again this weekend, and she didn’t just stay close to home.

She went to Vegas with her boyfriend of one whole month and was seen at Jeff Beacher’s variety show. She was photographed flashing her trademark peace sign.

Lohan has become a parody of herself and will have a steady career of increasingly more embarassing endorsements if she doesn’t slow down and focus on her acting. Oh wait - she can sing too, right?

Lohan is shown at the show in question in Vegas on Saturday. She is also seen outside of The Ivy restaurant with her boyfriend, Harry Morton, who seems to think that a pack of cigarettes can shield him from the paparrazi.

Lohan and Morton got new tattoos in the wee hours of the morning last week, but they didn’t pull a Scary Spice ‘n Eddie Murphy, and opted instead for trite symbols that will last much longer than their relationship.

Pictures [via]

Maybe Victoria Silvstedt staged these pictures to make it look like she’s pleasuring herself on her balcony, but it’s more likely that they’re real. There are pictures of her receiving oral from a small buck-toothed guy off the side of a dock, so this is pretty minor in comparison.

In case you care, Silvstedt is a Swedish “model,” who was Playboy Playmate of the Year in 1997. She’s only 31, but extensive plastic surgery and bad lip collagen make her look much older.

Silvstedt is shown on a balcony on an unknown date and on a boat in St Tropez on July 22. [via]

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck made a rare public appearance at the Red Sox Angels game in Boston yesterday. Unfortunately the Red Sox lost, 4-10.

Garner and Affleck have an eight month-old daughter, Violet, who was not with them at the game. They are reportedly planning a permanent move to Ben’s hometown of Cambridge, MA, after staying there for the Summer while Ben makes his directorial debut.

There have been rumors that Garner is pregnant with her second child, but a woman who claims to be a cousin of Ben Affleck’s writes to Celebrity Baby Blog that that’s definitely not true.

Pictures [via]

Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock got married in the first of the four weddings they’re planning. They were wed on a yacht on Saturday in Saint Tropez, France. Pam wore a white bikini and captain’s cap, and Kid Rock looked even less presentable shirtless in jeans and a fedora.

These two are not going to last three months.

Like Eminem, Kid Rock reveals his misogynistic personality in his lyrics. Here’s a preview of what these two did on their wedding night: (Warning, this is freaking gross.)

Sorry for that, I could not resist posting those lyrics.

Here are Pam Anderson and Kid Rock on their wedding day. The woman got married to two different guys, wearing a bikini each time. So classy. [via]

A very pregnant and much classier-looking Britney Spears made an appearance at Pure nightclub at Ceasar’s Palace in Las Vegas to support her husband Kevin Federline’s video shoot. She looked quite presentable in a horizontal-striped top and her black hair.

Britney was also photographed in Vegas with a guy rumored to be her new “manager,” or maybe just her agent, Wililam Morris agent Jason Trawick.

Both times she looked rather good. That may be some kind of record for her.

Britney had a supposed pregnancy scare on July 15th, when it is said that she went into false labor and had to be rushed to the hospital. A “friend” is quoted as blaming the incident on Britney’s poor nutrition, saying she wasn’t eating enough vegetables. If you take a look in Kevin’s cart in these pictures of him shopping, you can see why a gossip magazine writer could come to that conclusion. Celebrity Baby Blog mentions that it sounds like a completely bogus reason for false labor.

Pictures from Breathe Heavy.

Their newborn is just over two months old, so this isn’t that shocking, but Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are repotedly sleeping apart because Angelina wants to be near Shiloh while Brad needs his beauty sleep:

This sounds like the time they were staying in that slum in Paris and Brad had to sleep on the couch because Angelina was pregnant and taking up the whole bed.

Star Magazine is reporting that Angelina is not happy with her stretch marks and post-partum body and that’s the real reason she’s keeping Brad out of the bedroom. She supposedly doesn’t want to have sex, which is worrying Brad, but she just had a baby and that sounds pretty normal.

Dana at Dana’s Dirt says that Angelina better put out soon or Brad will lose interest:

Here’s Angelina driving around, looking fierce. Shiloh is said to be in the back seat, but that’s not big news since it’s not like Suri, whose supposed baby seat or stroller has never been photographed.

Pictures from Just Jared.

Penelope Cruz says that acclaimed Spanish director Amoldovar made a “woman” out of her in the soon-to-be-released “Volver.” Her butt was specially enhanced for the film, and Cruz enjoyed playing a role that was, uh, meatier than she’s typically cast in:

She says that she looks forward to working when she’s 50, and getting more of those meatier roles.

Penelope Cruz looks great in a bikini and shopping on 7/30 with what one bulletin board poster describes as “a gay guy.” She is in Hollywood’s playground, Saint Tropez. Some of the pictures have a woman topless in the background and are sort of NSFW.

It’s probably true that Cruz’ companion is gay, but he must not have very good self esteem if he let her go out in an orange dress while carrying a purple purse.

Pictures [via]

It seems like we’ve seen these pictures of Lindsay Lohan in a bikini before, but she always seems to be in a bikini, and she changes them to let us know that the pictures are new. She must love skipping rocks, doing pushups, and frolicking in the Malibu surf for the paparrazi while fully made up. Look, she’s even got a new camera. Maybe some of the hoards of photographers around her can give her some tips on how to get those perfect candids.

Lohan’s hard-partying mother, Dina, has defended her daughter’s constant exhaustion on set, saying she has asthma and that’s why she sounds like a 70 year-old woman when she talks and has no endurance on the job:

Well, everyone is happy now and maybe Lindsay will be able to get some much-needed water on set. She certainly lives in it when she’s at home.

Pictures [via]