Lindsay Lohan’s dad Micheal is annoyed by his fellow inmates hanging up pictures of his 20 year-old daughter. He makes it seem like he’s tough shit when he describes it, like he personally confronted a bunch of Lindsay-loving criminals and got them to take his daughter’s picture down:

Whatever. No wonder Lindsay is so screwed up. Oh wait - there’s her mom, Dina “The White Oprah who takes any excuse to speak on her daughter’s behalf” Lohan too.

Not content to just screw with one daughter’s career and life, Dina has arranged for ittle Ali Lohan, 12, to put out an album:

At least it’s a holiday album. That seems a chaste enough for a 12 year-old. The poor girl.

Here is Lindsay with Harry in Venice at the “Bobby” premiere and photocall. As PopSugar points out, she’s wearing a big ‘ol engagement ring. It looks like Harry is adding some much-needed stability to her life. It’s a shame her family couldn’t do that for her.

Pictures from Hollywood’s Best.

- Paris Hilton + Brandon Davis: Greasy Heirs II - The Search for Tink. So funny. [Grumpy Old Indian Man]
- Paris and Perez: a match made in hell [Chic Mommy]
- Full Suri Cruise Vanity Fair spread [DListed]
- Suri has emo hair [Best Week Ever]
- Exclusive Before and After Photos of Suri Cruise’s Vanity Fair Spread [Metadish]
- Katie Holmes shopping [I’m not obsessed]
- So is Lindsay Lohan engaged or what? [Glitterati]
- Kirsten Drunkst has a new man [Mollygood]
- Are Brad and Angelina finally going to get married? [popbytes]
- Angelina Jolie is not pregnant again [Socialite’s Life]
- Celebrities dissing Hip-Hop [cityrag]
- Naomi Watts shops at Whole Foods [Bastardly bottom feeders]
- Pamela Anderson to put out her own line of makeup [Agent Bedhead]
- Alanis Morissette and Ryan Reynolds aren’t quite split up yet [Bricks and Stones]
- Jessica Simpson got dumped by John Mayer [IDLYITW]
- Mel Gibson and son mugshots [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
- Beyonce’s album is not a flop [Media Take Out]
- Barbara Walters tells Rosie O’Donnel not to blog. It’s not like anyone understood what the hell she was saying anyway [Bringing blogging back]
- Mischa Barton has no ass [Egotastic]

Kevin Federline was interviewed on “Ellen” yesterday, and he revealed more than a little about his relationship with his pop star wife, Britney Spears. At first he said it was hard to compete with her, and then he backtracked by saying, oh he’s not in competition with her. Why did he say he was then?

You can watch the interview through TMZ.

K-Fed feels like less of a man because his wife is/was such a big star. He’s a crap rapper, but at least his band and dancers are decent. Here’s a clip of his awful performance on the “Ellen” show:

While K-Fed may want to compete with Britney, she’s not the star she once was. Her earning power is fading fast, and it’s doubtful she’ll ever get back her old success:

That’s not really surprising, but she’s still richer than small countries and large percentages of people combined. You think that would help her clean up and dress right.

E! Online’s Ted Casablanca claimed in his column yesterday thatLance Armstrong is Matthew McConaughey’s sugar daddy and that he paid all the bills for their expensive Miami vacation. People and “Entertainment Tonight” were said to have been tipped off that the pair was in Miami and told to cover it like they were two buddies hanging out.

Lance is supposedly fed up with Matt’s spending at this point and that may have led Matt back into the arms of Jake Gyllenhaal.

Unless you spend like ten minutes trying to interpret his prose and thinking about what he’s trying to say, it’s really hard to figure it out. So I’ve cut a lot of it out and removed the ten stupid nicknames he used for the same people:

[via]

Why doesn’t someone edit this man’s “awful” writing? Regardless that’s a juicy scoop if you can clean off all the syrup he’s poured over it.

It’s not news that Matt and Lance are said to be more than just sweaty workout buddies, but it is news that one of them paid for the whole vacation and that they had a private pool. It was probably just for all the hot women they brought back to the bungalow.

Marcus Schenkenberg, considered the world’s first male supermodel, is smoking hot and very laid back. If you caught season 4 of The Surreal Life, where Adrianne Curry chased Chris Knight and eventually caught him, Da Brat told Jane Weidlin she was a has-been, Chyna got wasted and stayed up all night, and “mini me” Verne Troyer groped women and peed in the corner, you would know that Marcus is pretty much a stand-up guy who seems rather boring in comparison to those characters.

He’s 39 years old but looks about 28, and is in top physical form. Swedish Marcus once went out with Pamela Anderson and was said to be dating his Surreal Life co-star Chyna early last year, but that was probably a fling. It speaks volumes about his lack of taste in the opposite sex, though, and now he’s supposedly with Jessica Simpson:

Jessica has flirted with a lot of guys out at clubs, and there was a rumor she was with Jared Leto after she hung all over him at a club in early June, so it’s possible nothing will come of this. They would make a cute couple, though, and it would be nice to see Jessica get some style and self esteem back. It would probably be better if she did it on her own, though.

Thanks to I’m Not Obsessed for these pics of hottie Marcus. Jessica is shown out to dinner with her bodyguard on 9/6. [via]

Paris Hilton proves yet again that she has the hardest working publicist in show business by getting arrested early this morning in LA for driving under the influence.

Paris used the old “it was just one drink” excuse.

Looks like Paris isn’t going to cry her way out of this ticket. I’m sure this is as true as the story that some thief took off with all of Paris’ thoughtfullly chosen mother’s day gifts.

Paris is never going to admit responsibility for driving drunk. It’s all because she works so hard, doesn’t eat, doesn’t have time to just slow down and spend her time shopping at Kitson like a normal heiress.

TMZ has a video of Paris arriving home from the station. Her publicist comes out, gives the “one drink, she was tired” spiel, and reports that the breathalizer showed the “absolute lowest” reading that warrants being taken in. He does not get into specific numbers, though.

Paris backed her car into a Honda in a parking lot in mid June, and claimed that the paparrazi were to blame for her poor driving. Now she has no one to blame but herself, but will surely never take responsibility.

Nicole Richie’s new song, Dandelion, isn’t half bad. It’s not fabulous or catchy and is the same type of breathy remastered bubblegum pop that Paris put out. Still, it’s not awful.

The lyrics tell the story of a guy who cheated on her with a younger chick. She thought he was a flower, but uh, he turned out to be a weed. Original.

This isn’t a video for the song, just a bunch of stills of Nicole with the song playing in the background:

Nicole’s lovelife seems to be back on track. She’s going strong with former “Princes of Malibu” hottie Brody Jenner. Jenner’s ex, onetime “Laguna Beach” star Kristin Cavalleri, may have tried to get back at Nicole by wearing a “You can have him” T-Shirt and later opening flirting with Nicole’s ex and the most likely subject of the Dandelion song, DJ AM. Page Six reports that she was all over him at a party this week. For his part, AM seems to be enjoying being single. A different hot blonde known only as “Lauren” was spotted in his DJ booth on Friday night. It’s doubtful he’ll ever be spinning Richie’s tunes.

Update: Thanks to commenter Bobby J. for pointing out that this song is a cover, which means that there’s no reason to try and read anything about Richie’s love life in the lyrics.

Update: And thanks to the anonymous commentor for letting me know that this demo was recorded way back when she was with DJ AM. I guess we won’t be hearing it on her album. I found this through a YouTube search, so I didn’t have a lot of background information on it and just posted it with the assumption that it was new.

And AM’s girlfriend/companion for the night is said to be model Lauren Hastings.

Here are Nicole and Brody out holding hands in Malibu on 9/3. [via]

- Scarlet Johansson looked like a 50s Q-Tip at the Black Dahlia premiere [ICYDK]
- Jake Gyllenhaal shaved his beard [Socialite’s Life]
- Britney Spears might not steal SP’s Birthday after all. She could be scheduled for a C-Section today. [Mollygood]
- Jessica’s Biel’s ass stops traffic [Bastardly]
- Nicole Richie says she’s hurt by all the speculation about her weight, and that she’s not eating for the pap’s benefit. [Haute Gossip]
- Jim Carrey and Cameron Diaz to reunite on screen. Don’t expect much [Pajiba]
- Marcia Cross is pregnant [Gabsmash]
- E! is putting out a calendar of ugly-sexy guys including Cisco Adler, Zach Braff and David Spade [I’m Not Obsessed]
- Daniel Craig hates LA [DListed]

MediaTakeOut reports that singer Christina Milian is broke after being dumped by her label, DefJam, and that if she doesn’t get picked up by another record label soon she’s facing financial ruin. They say she’s resorted to selling her clothes on eBay to make ends meet. Milian dismissed those charges on her myspace blog, saying that she has plenty of projects in the pipeline and that she’s just selling her stuff on eBay for fun. (I doubt Tori Spelling is selling her stuff for fun, though.)

Milian seems a bit defensive, but anyone would get defensive at those charges, and it could be true that she’s doing fine. Her name on eBay is “BeatDownPrincess” however, suggesting that she’s having some trouble. What interests me is that she makes the dreaded all caps newbie mistake and has multiple spelling errors in her postings:

She includes pictures of herself at events wearing the clothes. That’s cute that she’s selling stuff on eBay, but her descriptions leave something to be desired.

Hopefully Christina’s singing career will pick up, because I don’t see her falling back on temp work.

These pictures aren’t that great, but it’s Brad and Angelina, so I don’t need much of an excuse to publish them. They are said to be going to visit Angelina’s ailing mother at the Ermitage hotel in Beverly Hills. No word as to why they’re travelling separately, but if Angelina is driving a Range Rover by herself you can bet that the environment is not one of her pet causes.

Pictures taken by X17 and found at AngelinaWeb.