Sheryl Crow needs to do us all a favor and tell us the name of the tanning salon that did this to her. It looks like they forced her to wear a baseball cap during the tanning session, and sprayed her with four “4″s in a row. Then they bra-jacked her. What a shame. Please Sheryl, get the word out and tell us the name of this salon. We don’t want this bad tan job to happen to anyone else.

There’s a report that Angelina wants to adopt an Indian baby that she plans on naming - get this - India. There were stories when Angelina was pregnant that she was going to have a boy and name him “Africa,” because that’s where she was at the time. Someone’s making up a story that Angelina plans to adopt a baby now, which isn’t much of a stretch considering that both she and Brad have admitted to wanting a soccer team full of kids.

Sources say the big-hearted actress and partner Brad Pitt have already applied to adopt a tot from an Indian orphanage. An insider said: “They hope to be able to bring the child home by Christmas.

“Brad would prefer a boy no older than 18 months to even out the sexes but Angie has told him she can’t guarantee she won’t fall in love with a little girl.”

The source told US magazine Globe: “Whichever they end up with, they’d like to name the child India to honour its homeland.” The pair are rumoured to have visited the Priva Darshini orphanage in the last month.

This is not true, because these two are stalked wherever they go and if they were at an orphanage we would have heard about it. I could be surprised, though, because I thought the story that they were going to leave Paris so that Angelina could give birth in Africa was total bullshit. I mean, who would believe that before it actually happened?

If Angelina does adopt an Indian baby then we can all move on from worrying about the plight of little Davie Banda-Ritchie. He’s sure to be a hellraiser in his teens, but he’ll be a snotty British emo kid instead of a disaffected indifferent American like Maddox, I mean India. (Or was that Africa? I forget.)

This is probably going to be my last post today as I am incredibly sick and need to rest.

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

This week’s Holy Moly e-mail newsletter contained the following blind item:

Which Hollywood A-lister has moved on from cocaine and is now embracing opium with a terrifying passion? That might explain why she often forgets to put her knickers on at red carpet events.

- Lindsay Lohan’s new goth look: love it or hate it? [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Nicole Richie checks herself into center for (Hamburger) Help(er) [Mollygood]
- Nicole Richie had a reunion lunch with DJ AM [Celebrity Puke]
- Jermaine Dupri quit his job at Virgin records after his girlfriend Janet Jackson’s album tanked [Crunk and Disorderly]
- Jennifer Love Hewitt with her boyfriend [ICYDK]
- Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner get it on in the parking lot [Just Jared]
- Is pregnant Heidi Klum drinking wine with lunch? [Celebrity Baby Scoop]
- Michael Jackson is going to marry his nanny! [Hollywood Rag
- Ashton Kutcher wants his stepdaughter, Rumer Willis, to stop partying with Lindsay Lohan. [Socialite's Life]
- Girls’ Costume Warehouse commercial [College Humor]
- Mariah Carey’s Hong Kong concert was cancelled because she’s such a diva [IDLYITW]
- Mischa Barton dresses as the unabomber [Bastardly]
- Orlando Bloom likes to fall in love with girls he has no chance of seeing ever again [Gossip or Truth]
- Jessica Simpson will stalk you on myspace [Egotastic]
- Hugh Heffner’s girlfriends at the pumpkin patch [Celebslam]
- Ashlee and Jessica Simpson talk about phone sex and their luscious boobs in OK! [yeeeah]
- Video of Jessica Alba shoving gummi bears up her nose [Popoholic]
- The boobkini [Celebutaint]
- Brad Pitt thinks it’s hysterical to give himself a wedgie [The Blemish]
- Hugh Jackman gives Madonna his blessing [The Shallow End]
- Perez Hilton freaks out at the paparrazi. How does that guy make so much money? [Agent Bedhead]
- There’s more to Victoria Beckham than just boobs [Hollywood Tuna]
- “Law and Order” covers the Mel Gibson controversy [Wizbang Pop]
- Is Tom Cruise going to be in the Star Trek movie? [Dana's Dirt]
- Janice Dickinson and Steven Tyler look eerily alike [City Rag]
- Why is Winona Ryder so wide-eyed? [Notorious F.A.G.]
- You can hear K-Fed’s entire “Playing with Fire” album online, but you can’t fast forward so it’s unlikely you’ll be able to hold out long enough to hear Britney’s solo [PopSugar]
- Michael J. Fox responds to Rush Limbaugh’s accusations [US Weekly]
- Snoop Dogg arrested at the airport again [Rhymes with Snitch]
- Jared Leto attacked Stereogum and Elijah Wood in one night. Don’t mention blogs or he goes apeshit. [Best Week Ever]
- The Chupachabra is attacking Anne Hathaway [DListed]

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Get clever T-shirts, hoodies, and bags with funny captions at Noisebot. My favorite: “Drop it like it’s Pluto,” but I’m a geek that way.

Is Steve Irwin fair dinkum game now that he’s been dead over a month? Controversial liberal talkshow host Bill Maher and the creators of South Park think so. Maher donned a tasteless Halloween costume featuring a red wig and sleevless khaki shirt with a stingray’s tail sticking out of his chest complete with fake blood. It’s a clever idea for a costume but it seems like a cruel stunt for a famous person to pull so soon after Irwin’s death.

Meanwhile South Park has parodied Irwin’s accidental death by showing the daredevil crocodile hunter as a Halloween party guest with a stingray’s barb sticking out of his chest. Irwin’s widow Terri is said to be devastated by the episode and hopes her young children never see it:

Terri, 42, is said to be worried that Irwin’s children BINDI, eight, and BOB, two, will see the show, which portrays the late star with a stingray sticking out of his chest less than two months after he died. Last night (27OCT06), Australian TV channel SBS said it is planning to air the episode in Australia next year (07) or in 2008. It has already been shown in the US. A friend of Irwin’s widow says, “Terri is devastated Steve is being mocked in such a cruel way. Her worry is that Bindi and Bob will see it and break down. “Steve had as big a sense of humour as anyone, but this goes too far too soon.” British TV naturalist MARK AMEY, 44, who worked alongside Irwin, backed the sentiments, saying, “My message to people is don’t watch the show. It’s distasteful s**t. Let’s hope none of Steve’s fans who keep poisonous animals happen to find the addresses of those behind the show and leave them a nice surprise.”

[via Fark]

Irwin is shown in South Park as a guy at Satan’s Halloween party who is mistaken for someone wearing a costume. In this clip, which I’m pretty sure is the one that’s referred to in the story, Irwin is chastized by Satan for daring to mock the accident so soon after it happened. He then says he’s the real Steve Irwin and Satan kicks him out for not having a costume. That’s obnoxious, but that’s how South Park is and they’re basically admitting that it’s tasteless.

Irwin was parodied in South Park while he was alive (link leads to video on YouTube) in an episode that aired in the second season.

There’s a report that a South African woman was interested in adopting baby David Banda, and that she was coming back for him shortly and presumably intended to live in Malawi for a year and a half according to adoption regulations there. These laws help protect vulnerable babies from being snatched by rich pedophiles and fickle sensationalist pop stars. Madonna is even said to have been told that this other woman wanted to adopt Davie, but just like the fact that the boy had a father, that obviously didn’t deter her. Whatever Madonna wants, Madonna gets:

According to the administrator at the orphanage Lucy Chipeta, a South African national visited the orphanage a few months ago and expressed the desire to adopt David, whose mother died soon after delivery in September last year.

“I think David is a lucky boy,” Chipeta said at the weekend adding that Madonna was told about the matter but she insisted on taking David.

The South African was expected to visit the country again to start the adoption process. She will have to look for another orphan now that David is Madonna’s new baby pending finalisation of the adoption.

According to Chipeta, the orphanage presented to Madonna a set of orphans, some of them without both parents, but the pop diva fell for David although she was told about the impeding adoption by the South African.

David underwent an HIV test at a government hospital and was diagnosed negative. Madonna’s own medical team conducted another test and confirmed the earlier results.
“But even if he was found to be HIV positive, Madonna indicated she would still take him because all she wanted was to know his HIV status,” Chipeta said.

You can think, “Well, Madonna was there first, and who knows if this other person would have followed through with the adoption?” and that’s partially valid. When the other woman had to rearrange her entire life to adopt Davie because she needed to live in Malawi for 18 months first, is it any wonder she went home to get her affairs in order first?

Davie is reportedly doing well, and Madonna has outfitted his nursery with enough crap to make his family’s entire village self sufficient.

His father has said that he doesn’t want to take Davie back despite saying earlier that he didn’t really understand the fact that adoption is legally permanent. He also said that Madonna’s claim on Oprah that his wife and two other children died of aids is not true and is incredibly stigmatizing to his family.

Moreover, Yohane Banda says that he did visit David at the orphanage often and that his mother and brother went to see the baby too. Madonna claimed on Oprah that none of Davie’s “extended” family went to see him. It’s possible that officials told Madonna a bunch of lies about Davie’s family because they didn’t want to jeopardize her huge donation. Why would she use the word “extended” though unless she knew that the boy’s father had seen him at the orphanage?

People are saying that adoption laws need to be reformed so that other children can get a shitload of designer baby gear instead of a supported life in Africa, and maybe they have a point. The answer is not to let wealthy people donate orphanages and take home a baby in less than a month, though. There has to be some sort of compromise that protects children from predators while making sure that the people left behind get the support they so desperately need - without red strings attached.

The trolls are out in full force on these Madonna posts. If you don’t agree with me you’re welcome to give your opinion, which I respect. Most people who are on Madonna’s side explain it clearly and logically. (Thanks Elisha!) Attacking people personally for having a different opinion than you do is called an ad hominem attack and it’s the weakest argument there is. Calling someone fat instead of addressing their points is pretty unconvincing. It makes no sense.

Also, as long as something is making headlines I will cover it. (Mr. T) I do my best to listen to you and take your concerns seriously, but I have a job to do and if I ignore every story or celebrity that someone is sick of I’ll have nothing left to gossip about.

Madonna swooped into a third world country and took home a baby with a father after a couple of weeks. She managed to completely flout adoption laws by dropping a bunch of cash on a Kabbalah-themed orphanage. Who knew that would be so polarizing an issue?

If you’re a celebrity you better have a shredder and use it. A garbageman hired to take out Marsha Cross’ trash came across 200 completely intact photos of her naked. He also got ahold of her tax return.

He says she’s a real redhead, and that the law says that it’s finders keepers when something is in the garbage. He tried to extort a bunch of money from her in exchange for the sexy pictures, which are said to have been taken by her husband before she was pregnant, but she has understandably hired a lawyer and is fighting to get them back:

“There are some pictures of her showering outside,” Schmidt tells us. “She looks absolutely gorgeous. And yes, the carpet does match the curtains.”

Schmidt is representing the owner of a carting firm hired to remove trash from Cross’ home in L.A. According to Schmidt, one of the firm’s employees discovered the photos when he got to the dump.

Cross is demanding their return. Her lawyers argue that no matter where the photos were found, they are the copyrighted property of Cross and her husband, Tom Mahoney, who may have taken some of them. Cross’ attorneys maintain the photos were thrown out by mistake.

“The pictures were not stolen,” says Schmidt. “When you throw something away, you forfeit that property.

“We recognize the copyright issue, but U.S. copyright law stops at the border,” he adds. Schmidt won’t say whether he’s ready to shop the shots abroad.

Just as he did earlier this year, when he offered to sell Paris Hilton the embarrassing contents of a rent-due storage locker that went up for public auction, Schmidt has invited Cross to buy back her trash.

“I’m not looking to mortify Ms. Cross,” says Schmidt. “I just want the most money for my client.”

He says that Cross’ representatives have so far balked at his price, which he won’t name.

Schmidt says his client also has Cross’ tax returns. “I know how much she made, but out of respect for Ms. Cross, I won’t discuss it,” he says.

Cross is pregnant with twins due in April, and doesn’t need the stress from a lawsuit. She’s sure to look gorgeous in the nude photos and how damaging can it be if they get out? I don’t understand the big deal over some nude pictures, but I live in Europe and am used to seeing a bunch of naked hairy fat guys when I take a sauna at the gym.

Pictures and story via The Blemish.

Nicole Richie is said to have collapsed at exclusive nightclub Hyde early on Sunday morning. They must have let her in because she doesn’t take up much space.

Her friends told staff not to call an ambulance and carted her off themselves. You know if they took her to the hospital we would have heard about it:

Sources tell TMZ that Nicole Richie passed out at Hyde nightclub early Sunday morning in Hollywood.

We’re told it occurred just before 2 a.m., when Richie passed out and fell to the floor. An employee approached Richie and her friends and said he was calling 911. Sources say they told the employee not to make the call and that they would take Richie to a hospital. The friends then carried Richie out of the club through the back door. TMZ does not know if Richie went to the hospital.

Before Richie collapsed, we’re told she hung out for awhile with Lindsay Lohan inside the club.

If Richie is indeed getting treatment for not gaining weight as she claims then it must be outpatient just like Mel Gibson’s rehab. Her health is not going to improve until she gets therapy and changes her lifestyle for good.

I made some T-Shirts this weekend, and wanted to have one that said “I borrowed this shirt from Nicole Richie,” suitable for baby wear, dog shirts, and XXL sweatshirts. I did a trademark search and Richie never trademarked her name, just the dumb phrase “Loves It.” Cafe Press, the service that distributes and sells the shirts for me, said it violated her right to publicity or something and that I couldn’t use that phrase. My “I am the father of Anna Nicole’s baby” shirt was also denied.

I don’t know if these pictures of Owen Wilson’s ass are new, but they’re new to me and his butt is pretty cute so I’ll publish them.

Owen likes asses himself, and responded to an allegation that he tossed a woman’s salad for two hours by saying that “there’s lots of different paths to the waterfall.”

Owen is helping Kate Hudson find her way to the waterfall. The new couple have to spend time apart over the next few weeks as they work on film projects on different continents, but friends say that Owen and Kate’s relationship is solid and that Owen has become “like part of the family.”

Not everyone is reportedly pleased with Kate’s hookup so soon after - or preceding - the breakup of her marriage to Chris Robinson. Her mother Goldie is said to be encouraging Kate to reconcile with Robinson, who is the father of her two year-old son Ryder.

Pictures found at Hollywood Grind and I’m unsure where they’re from or when they were taken. If better ones come out I’ll publish them.

According to the latest scoop at TMZ.com, Ryan Phillippe and Reese Witherspoon have officially called it quits and are now separated.

The couple’s rep released a statement to TMZ Monday morning that says “We are saddened to announce that Reese & Ryan have decided to formally separate. They remain committed to their family and we ask that you please respect their privacy and the safety of their children at this time.”

Apparently, the celebrity couple had been struggling with their marriage for quite some time. Although the two have only separated for now, Reese is in the process of speaking with a divorce lawyer to dissolve the marriage for good.

I think it’s always sad when couples like this divorce, especially when there are little children involved. It seems, however, that Reese and Ryan really tried to make it work for the sake of their kids before taking such a huge step. Things must have been really bad between them for Reese to have to contact a divorce lawyer.

Note from Celebitchy: It seems like things came to a head for Ryan and Reese while Ryan was promoting his new film, “Flags of our Fathers.” There were reports that Ryan and Reese were fighting at the premiere, and the fact that Ryan is working must have made it painfully obvious how much more successful Reese is. According to IMDB, Ryan is filming another movie and has two more coming up. Reese has three films that have been announced but are not filming yet.