Apart from being able to afford those $800 red-soled shoes, the convenience of not having to take commercial airplanes, (yes I realize this is way worse than driving a Range Rover - sorry ecorazzi) and the whole living in a mansion with people waiting on me thing, there’s very little that makes me want to be a celebrity. Would you want supermarket checkouts everywhere plastered with the news that you’re pregnant after you went up a dress size? All the young “celebrities” that are in the gossip rags are screwed up beyond belief, and the adult actors seem to be battling paparrazi, getting divorced, and going to rehab. Even if they’re normal, have a family and try to do charity, people rip on them, me included.

Maybe I just have a skewed view of things since I read the celebrity trash news all day, but this Thanksgiving I’m grateful I’m not a celebrity.

- This guy is trying hard to be a celebrity, though. He delivers holiday popcorn tins all day and desperately wants to be famous, so he sunk his life savings into a website promoting himself. Be careful what you wish for. (Site has automatic music.) [The Famous Guy]
- Lucy Pinder and Michelle Marsh’s sex lessons make people thankful [Hollywood Tuna]
- Be thankful that Nicole Richie is eating [PopSugar]
- Nicole Richie fired her stylist/dealer [yeeeah]
- Lots more TomKat fake wedding/Scientology celebrity recruitment party pictures [Mollygood]
- The secret behind Katie Holmes’ wedding shoes [Chic Mommy]
- Jack Black says that Jennifer Love Hewitt hit on him once and he didn’t get it [Agent Bedhead]
- This cute two-legged dog who hops around like a person got bumped off the Late Show with David Letterman so Kramer could say he’s not a racist. [Best Week Ever]
- KKKKramer [College Humor]
- Maybe if Gwen Stefani went bald people wouldn’t pay as much attention to her horrible new music [CityRag]
- Dear Rosie: please STFU! [popbytes]
- Taye Diggs is too hot for Ashlee Simpson. He’s also married. [IDLYITW]
- Heather Mills says she’d rather be a torso than have to deal with her divorce again. We wish she’d just turn into a nobody [Spank Cheeks]
- Why is Mischa Barton hung up on Cisco Adler when she do so much better? [Celeb News Wire]
- Gorgeous Naomi Watts photoshoot [Bastardly]
- Surprisingly, many of the most popular shows on TV now are crap [Pajiba]
- Lindsay Lohan released a weird rambling statement about Robert Altman’s death, concluding with some AA philosophy thrown in for good measure [DListed]
- Did Lindsay Lohan OD a couple of weeks ago? [The Bosh]
- Brad Pitt holding covered-up Shiloh looks disturbingly like Micheal Jackson [Celebrity Baby Scoop]
- Emory University shuts down “Revenge of the Nerds” remake with Kristin Cavallari [Celebrific]
- Angelina Jolie’s favorite healthy dessert [Celeb-Diet]
- Cameron Diaz blames herself for the fact that Justin Timberlake won’t commit [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Does Jake Gyllenhaal have a new girlfriend? [Gossip Rocks]
- OJ’s lawyer is going to start talking about the “What if I did it? What are you going to do about it?” book debacle [Metadish]
- Noel Gallagher of Oasis says that he’ll be dead in 50 years anyway so he’s going to pullute as much as he can while he’s here [ecorazzi]
- If you watch Happy Feet the terrorists have won [Faded Youth]
- Britney Spears partied at Paris Hilton’s house. She must have good nannies now. [Pop on the Pop]
- James Blunt falls into Paris Hilton’s clutches [Celebslam]
- Hilary Duff’s new perfume commercial [Superficial Girls]

Brad and Angelina were spotted on a motorcycle in Vietnam on Thanksgiving. There was a rumor that Brad’s mom had invited Jennifer Aniston to Thanksgiving at the Pitt’s in Missouri, enraging Angelina, but whether that was true or not we may never know.

Angelina was in Cambodia the day before Thanksgiving on a surprise visit to Maddox’s home country. She donated over $1 million for a forest conservation effort there and recently canned the non profit organization that was overseeing the project. It was thought that they were misappropriating funds. Angelina checked in with officials about the charity and also toured a Genocide museum with Pitt, a painful reminder of the mass murder committed by the Cambodian government under tyrant Pol Pot in the 1970s.

While in Vietnam Brad and Angelina took their famous motorcycle ride through crowded Ho Chi Minh City. Although motorcyclists pictured in the background are also unhelmeted, it seems kind of foolish for celebrities to be riding around with bare heads. They should realize they’ll be photographed and that they set an example.

True to form, Brad and Angelina visited a Vietnamese orphanage on Friday and gave out toys to the children.

HOLLYWOOD superstars Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie doled out candies and toys during a surprise visit to an orphanage in southern Vietnam, a state-run newspaper said today.

The couple went to Tam Binh orphanage in Ho Chi Minh City and had lunch there on Friday, the director of the charity facility told the Saigon Giai Phong (Liberation Saigon) daily.

Newspapers, which ran front-page photos on Friday of Pitt and Jolie riding a scooter in the city, said their photographers had been unable to capture any shot of the couple on their second day in town.

The two arrived in Vietnam on Thursday during what appeared to be a break from filming A Mighty Heart in India, where they have been mobbed by fans and stirred a media frenzy…

State newspapers said the couple flew into Vietnam from Cambodia, birthplace of their adopted son Maddox.

That night they dined at a Vietnamese restaurant. One newspaper said they would leave Vietnam on Saturday.

Is Brangelina looking to adopt again, or are they just doing warm and fuzzy charity? My husband speculates that they’re not happy since they lead such a nomadic lifestyle. Is he right? I know I’m a homebody and hate travelling by air but I have to fly commercial with a toddler.

Photos from ONTD and NY Post.

K-Fed tried to declare that he’s up right up there with Osama with an on-stage stunt that was more hackneyed than anything Barbra Streisand could come up with. He had a member of his legion of hangers-on ask him during a performance at Hollywood’s House of Blues “Why does America hate you?”

Federline made the statement during a performance at Hollywood’s House of Blues Wednesday night.

Since the pair separated earlier this month, the 28-year-old has been vilified in the press as a gold-digging freeloader, capitalizing on his wife’s success and wealth.

But a packed house turned out to see a resilient Federline perform tracks from his debut album, Playing with Fire.

After lashing out at his detractors — shouting from the stage, “[Bleep] the haters, [bleep] the media, [bleep] the paparazzi” — Federline adapted lyrics to one of his songs. When a member of his entourage asked onstage, “Why does America hate you?” he replied, “Maybe because I took their queen. I am America’s most hated.”

At least he’s trying to capitalize on his punchline status and wants to turn himself into some sort of bad ass martyr. That seems kind of clever of him, but he’s just giving people more fodder to make fun of him. He further shows how out of touch he is by declaring Britney “queen.”

My father gave me a copy of his American Airlines in-flight magazine a while ago, and there was an article about a group of celebrity grave spotting enthusiasts called Hollywood Underground. The article wasn’t that informative, but I’ve been enjoying their website with guides to seeing your favorite celebrities’ resting places around LA. The next time I’m in California, I’ll be sure to visit a cemetery or two.

The Sanctuary of Heritage within the Freedom Mausoleum at Forest Lawn, Glendale,

A lot of big names are buried in Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Glendale, which is predictably the least accessible to the public. Non-family members are barred from entering masoleums and private areas where celebrities like George Burns, Gracie Allen, Humphrey Bogart and Nat King Cole are buried, and cameras ensure that fans are booted out.

Forest Lawn in the Hollywood Hills is also dotted with stars, and is entirely open to the public. Recently departed actor John Ritter, cowboy Gene Autry, actress Bette Davis, and Ozzie and Harriett Nelson of “The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet” are buried there.

Hollywood Forever cemetery on Santa Monica Boulevard seems like a lovely place to pay a visit. It was recently restored by a new owner and features a fountain and spacious lawns. Luminaries such as director Cecil de Mille, actors Tyrone Power and Rudolph Valentino, and rock stars Johnny and Dee Dee Ramone can be found there.

The large catholic cemetary Holy Cross in Culver City has some worthwhile graves. It’s a large active cemetary though and a nearby funeral might offer a stark reality check for your dead celebrity tourism. Among the names at Holy Cross are famed vampire actor Bela Lugosi, singing and dancing sensation Bing Crosby, and the late great comedian John Candy. Tragically murdered Sharon Tate and beloved actress Ann Miller also reside there.

Rather than trying to sit outside Hyde or The Ivy to catch a glimpse of some underfed girl with fake hair, you can pay your respects to the celebrities of generations past. They seem much more deserving.

Pictures from FindAGrave.com, Hollywood Underground, Seeing-Stars.com, Ron’s Log on Flickr, and HollywoodUSA.co.uk

Forest Lawn, Glendale

Forest Lawn, Hollywood Hills

Hollywood Forever, Hollywood

Hollywood Forever, Hollywood

Holy Cross, Culver City

Holy Cross, Culver City

Britney Spears has pretty much squandered all the goodwill points she gained for surprising K-Fed with divorce papers by hanging out with Paris Hilton constantly. In fact she doesn’t seem to have gone home to her multimillion dollar mansion in several days. She was spotted out in the same T-Shirt and shoes for a few days in a row, and was even seen buying new toys for her tots, with paparazzi agency x17 reporting that she is staying at a friends house and doesn’t want to return to her Malibu mansion with its lingering memories and weed stench of FedEx.

X17 notes that Britney was seen looking friendly with a new guy, who turned out to be an agent at the William Morris agency. He was not too recognizable, having gained a few lbs since he was last photographed with her. He seems to have reunited with Britney after a party at Paris’ house, and was seen out with her stocking up on children’s items and getting takeout lunch.

As for where Britney’s children are, little Jayden James is still a faceless mystery but Britney doesn’t seem to be foisting them off on the nanny full time. She told one of x17’s paparazzo that she had to get back to her babies. She was also seen out shopping with 14 month-old Sean Preston and Paris Hilton.

There is only one other 20-something psuedo-celebrity that could drag Britney down more than Paris and that’s Lindsay Lohan. Arizona Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart dropped Paris at his teammate’s urging, and someone should tell Britney that hanging out with Paris could hurt her career as much as K-Fed did. I guess self-sabotaging habits die hard.

Case in point: Britney’s vag slip. (I would publish it here but x17 sent me a cease and desist a while ago.) She’s learning a lot from Paris lately, or maybe she just needs clean underwear and would rather go commando.

Pictures courtesy of Celebrity Puke and Splash News Online. All used with permission.

More pictures of Britney, Paris and Sean Preston are after the jump.

Lindsay Lohan is looking rough and a little bloated lately. I’m not saying she’s fat by any means, she just seems like she’s been neglecting her health and it shows on her face and frame. She’s got that worn out look that comes with constant partying.

There have been a lot of stories about Lindsay this past week, and I just haven’t covered them because she’s a train wreck and seems to be going downhill fast.

Last night Lindsay told paparazzi agency X17 that Paris Hilton hit her arm. They have a video of her showing a faint bruise on her inner arm and saying the Paris was at a party at Lindsay’s friend’s house and that “she hit me with a drink and poured it all over me, and it hurts and it’s not OK.”

She also said “I’m sorry for everyone that thinks I’m crazy. I’m not, I’m just trying to act.”

Lindsay, you’re protesting too much. Let’s review the reasons why people think she’s crazy this week. We’re not including the fact that Lindsay flashes her kitty to the paps all the time, and is probably pissed that Britney is now using her tried and true strategy to greater effect.

• She hooked up with scumbag Calum Best while in London last week. The British rags had a field day with Lindsay, saying that she tried to get staff at the hotel where she were staying to lock Calum up in her room so he wouldn’t leave on a business trip.

  Calum promptly hooked up with another woman on his flight to Ireland in an attempt to move on as quickly as possible. He was also quoted by the Irish press as saying “I’m very definitely single.”
  

• Lindsay was snapped by the paparazzi while shopping at Planet Blue in Malibu, but was mighty pissed when they all bailed to get shots of Paris and Britney, who arrived together 45 minutes lately. Lainey’s gossip speculates that this may have prompted her little video confessional to x17 about Paris dousing her with a drink.
  

• The National Enquirer reported that Lindsay ODed on cocaine and painkillers on November 12 in her room at the Chateau Marmot, and that a doctor was called to treat her. He got rid of all the drugs in her room and told her to go to the hospital. Once Lindsay regained consciousness she refused further treatment.
  

• Lohan was in yet another car accident while in Londan last week. Her vehicle rammed into a police car, making it her fourth accident in a year and a half.

Britney and Paris might be vag-slipping weave-wearing trash sisters, but Lohan is of another breed entirely. She needs to call Ben Affleck and figure out how to lay low and reinvent herself while finding joy in the simpler things in life. There’s a rumor that she’s dying to play Stevie Nicks in an upcoming biopic, and considering that Nicks is a singer who admitted to a debilitating cocaine habit, it seems like a role Lohan would excel in. If she wants to get any other acting gigs, she needs to move out of Hollywood and go to rehab and therapy.

Pictures from Splash News Online and Celebrity Puke. Used with permission. Celebrity Puke wrote the jowls thing on Lindsay’s picture.

Janet Charlton reports that newly-tub Tom Cruise needed a he-girdle to keep his tummy sucked in during his wedding to Katie Holmes. I don’t know if I believe this because it seems like something that could be easily made up, but it also sounds entirely plausible considering that he’s gained some weight recently.

Here’s a juicy little secret that Tom Cruise might kill us for telling you. Oh well, here we go- Tom was wearing a GIRDLE under his tuxedo at his wedding! In case you haven’t noticed, Tom packed on around twenty pounds in the past few months before the big event. He says he’s a “nervous eater.” And he’s had a lot to be nervous about - his exit from Paramount and his high octane marriage. When Tom arrived in Rome, we hear that Giorgio Armani was apoplectic because the wedding tux was too small. Armani personally tended to all the fittings while Tom’s pants were let out and various details were adjusted. Tom wanted to look svelte so he didn’t protest when Giorgio suggested girdling Tom’s midsection so the jacket would fall properly. The corset was sewn into Tom’s undergarment. Everyone was sworn to secrecy, but those Armani employees love to gossip, and are we grateful for THAT!

Tom saying that he’s a “nervous eater” makes him seem rather feminine, and coupled with that this girdle tale is priceless.

He also probably wore some kind of lifts to his wedding since he appeared to be the same height as Katie, making the girdle story seem more likely.

Tom and Katie are now on their honeymoon in the Maldives on a friend’s yacht, and have brought little Suri and the head of Scientology along.

Pictures from KatieHolmes.com

Maybe Gwen Stefani is completely aware of how much her solo work sucks, because she says that she’s ready to do a “No Doubt” reunion:

Gwen Stefani wants to put her solo career on hold next year and resume her role as the frontwoman of No Doubt. The beauty has not made a No Doubt album since 2001’s Rock Steady and subsequently rocketed to fame in her own right with the release of Love Angel Music Baby in 2004.

But she wants to return to the hitmakers following the release of second solo LP The Sweet Escape next month.

She says, “I don’t think I will make another (solo album). I can’t predict anything, but I don’t plan on making one of these solo dance project records, I definitely feel myself going back to No Doubt after this to do a new album.”

At first I didn’t believe this, because it was an unsourced quote and sounded like something a journalist would make up considering how shitty her latest music is. Supposedly she said it to MTV Europe, though. It sounds like a good move for her.

Here are Gwen, Gavin and little Kingston out shopping on 11/25. She could have put on some jeans and sneakers to go out. Thanks to ICYDK for these pictures.

British rag The Sun reports some vague story that Nicole Kidman looked upset at the Happy Feet premiere in London when a journalist asked an out-of-line question about her husband Keith Urban’s stint in rehab. They say she got visibly bothered by it, and suggest that she didn’t attend the after party as a result:

Nicole, 39 — who walked up an ice-blue carpet for yesterday’s premiere of animated penguin tale Happy Feet — reacted after she was asked about husband Keith Urban’s rehab for a booze relapse.

The actress looked upset as she spoke to other journalists, onlookers said. She later failed to attend the film’s after-party.

Nicole, who wed Keith in June, provides one of the voices for Happy Feet, the story of a dancing penguin which beat the latest James Bond film at the US box office.

It could be true that she got bothered by the question, but who knows why she didn’t go to the party afterwards.

Meanwhile The Mirror claims to have an exclusive with the news that Nicole is pregnant, but they seem to just be rehashing an old rumor. She was said to have told Keith when she visited him at rehab that she’s preggers, but I doubt it.

Lainey at Lainey’s Gossip thinks she’s some kind of manipulative super-woman and that she hires her own paparazzi, but it seems like her opinion is extreme. I think Nicole just likes to have control of her public image but that she still makes shitty choices in life and is trying to cope with them. As for not seeing her children much, which Lainey claims is Nicole’s choice, it seems like Tom commandeers them for the c0s and his own purposes, and she might not have control of that.

Nicole is just dealing with her all-too-public life by putting on a happy botoxed face, and one can’t really blame her.

Pictures from Hollywood’s Best and Lainey’s Gossip.

Madonna seems uncomfortable at first in this appearance on the Home Shopping Network. She soon gets into her haughty stride, talking down her nose in her faux-Brit speak about how Lourdes helped her with these books, and how she came up with her nefarious plan to convert a new generation of vulnerable young girls to her cult religion.

You can watch the rest of the interview on YouTube:
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four

Proceeds from the books are being donated to “Raising Kabbalahan Malawians” or whatever Madonna’s charity is called.

Thanks to moomies on Gossip Rocks for linking this.