Our artist in residence created this original New Year’s illustration for us. He told me he wanted to work Brad in “as either a pattern on the hem of her dress — or in the background holding her purse … but it got a little crowded.”

I think it’s a double play on Angelina’s status as top mommy and vilified home wrecker, but the artist lets us read our own meaning into his work.

Lindsay Lohan resolves to wear thong underwear to all funerals.

Britney Spears plans to make sure her children are properly secured in car seats before she drives under the influence.

Nicole Richie resolves to poop after she eats.

Paris Hilton resolves to quit being such a homebody and get out of the house more.

Angelina Jolie, in an effort to be taken seriously as an actress and humanitarian, plans to play the role of the princess in the new Mario Bros movie.

Madonna resolves to get more publicity for something she’ll figure out later.

Tom Cruise vows to quit exercising so hard and let himself go a little.

Matthew McConaughey vows to exercise shirtless outdoors at least once a week.

Christina Aguilera plans to be a bit more glamorous.

Victoria Beckham wants to lose those pesky last three pounds.

Jennifer Aniston plans to do a lot more cathartic yoga.

Nicole Kidman vows not to be the subject of any country songs.

Jessica Simpson vows to take some time off and relax.

Eva Longoria plans to speak her mind, or whatever comes to mind at the time.

Anna Nicole resolves to get blotto every day.

K-Fed resolves to get as much cash as possible in the divorce settlement and still come off as the good guy.

George Clooney vows to play the field in memory of his departed pig.

Thanks to my brother Mike for help with this list, some of which is humor, some obvious.

Everyone was up in arms over the fact that Diddy’s coat line was marketed as imitation rabbit fur, but has a label claiming it’s “real raccoon.” What’s even worse is that the coats were made with raccoon dog hair.

Diddy did exactly the right thing and apologized, said he didn’t know about it, and pulled the coats from the stores. He also vowed never to use fur in his clothing line again. That’s not a real titilating story, I know, but since I was ripping on him initially I should print his apology:

Rap mogul Sean “Diddy” Combs has issued an apology to animal rights activists over the use of real fur in his Sean John clothing range — insisting he didn’t realize it was genuine animal skin.

The star came under fire from the Humane Society Of The United States earlier this month after it was discovered the hood lining of a “faux fur” Sean John jacket was made from the skin of raccoon dogs.

But Combs has apologized to HSUS and has vowed never to use real fur again, insisting department store Macy’s remove the offending garment from sale.

He says, “I was unaware of the nature of this material, but as soon as we were alerted, the garments were pulled off the Macy’s floor and Web site.

“I have instructed our licensee to cease the production of any garment using this material immediately.”

Diddy and his longterm partner, Kim Porter, had twin girls on December 21. Christina Aguilera is said to have sent them a gift basket worth thousands with plenty of stuff their kids surely don’t need.

In an effort to boost ratings, NBC starts showing popular YouTube clips in prime time.

Hip hop producer Scott Storch completes a new album with the Bush Twins, who go on to become the next t.A.T.u.

The Lohan/Hilton fued will reach its conclusion after Lohan releases the “dis” single “Going back to Paris” and gunplay mars the opening of Herbie: Fully Loaded Part Two.

Jack Black will draw boos at Wrigley field after scatting over “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”

Tobey Keith will stay in the closet.

The Rosie O’Donnell Donald Trump fued will end in a televised mud wrestling match that cable subscribers will have to pay NOT to watch.

Suri Cruise, Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, Davie Banda-Richie, and Maddox Jolie-Pitt form the Emo band “Taking Back Childhood” and are instantly signed to Victory records.

In the new Martin Scorsese movie, Jack Nicholson plays an insane movie director who uses his mob ties to threaten the Oscar committee into giving him the Academy Award.

Nicole Richie will digest a cheese sandwich.

In the new Indiana Jones movie, Harrison Ford will discover a fossilized version of himself .

The new Tom Cruise/Steven Spielberg movie will open with a heartwarming scene in which Cruise displays his amazing acting range, followed by a 75 minute chase scene.

Rush Limbaugh draws criticism when he claims that Gerald Ford is obviously acting or forgot to take his medication.

The Simple Life 5 will end in tragedy and legal action when the stars attempt to fill in for two heart surgeons in a Tulsa, Oklahoma emergency room.

Despite strong Internet buzz, the new Samuel L Jackson film, Spiders on the Bus, does less than expected at the box office.

A police situation and hostage situation develops after Dustin Diamond (aka Screech from Saved by the Bell and Internet porn fame) claims squatters rights and refuses to leave The Surreal Life set.

My husband said he really wanted to see The Good Shepherd so I gave in and we sat through it last night. I told him that every review I’d read said it was interminable, and that I would rather watch Casino Royale. I should have emphasized the hot chicks and action in Casino Royale, but he said that he thought it would be good, and that we should give it a chance. Do not go see The Good Shepherd. Just don’t. You might be amused trying to keep up with the plot lines, but you never care about the characters and it drags on and on. This is from a big Matt Damon fan. Damon and Jolie are fabulous, but just can’t carry this film.

- Julia Roberts is pregnant again! [Metadish]
- Michael Jordan and his wife Juanita filed for divorce after 17 years together [Glitterati]
- Brangelina is spending New Years at the Four Seasons in Costa Rica [Socialite’s Life]
- Brad and Angelina spent over $100,000 on their holiday accommodations while they were doing charity [ecorazzi]
- Brangelina in Panama looking effortlessly fabulous as usual [Just Jared]
- Brad Pitt ruins Jennifer Aniston’s favorite restaurant. [Celeb News Wire]
- Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz fuel lesbian fantasies [Agent Bedhead]
- Night at the Museum sucks and isn’t even that entertaining for kids [Pajiba]
- Nicole Richie’s music career is on hold, she lost one of her rings, and she’s generally a skinny mess [CelebWarship]
- Nicole Richie’s little sister could share her clothes [Mollygood]
- Mike Tyson arrested for drug posession [yeeeah]
- Paris Hilton’s public bikini shower [Hollywood Tuna]
- Wipe your ass with Paris Hilton’s face [Hollyscoop]
- Up and coming “It” Girls [Evil Beet]
- Scarlet Johansson thinks she’s fat. [Egotastic]
- Ten best TV moments of 2006 [Gossip or Truth]
- Hot Mischa Barton photoshoot [Bastardly]
- Mandy Moore and Wilmer Valderrama might be a couple again [I’m Not Obsessed]
- Dirt of the year [CityRag]
- The Desperate Housewives dolls look more like Stepford Wives [DListed]
- Jessica Simpson gained some lbs. [Gabsmash]

Britney Spears and Paris Hilton have been voted the Worst Celebrity Role Models of 2006 in a joint poll between Associated Press and AOL.

Brit got a heaping 29% of the vote for the “Worst” role model, while Paris received 18% and the anti-Semitic ranting Mel Gibson got 17%. Way to go Brit! Your commando pics and party hopping have really paid off!

Other names on the “Worst Role Model” list include: Tom Cruise, Michael Richards, K-Fed, Nicole Ritchie, Lindsay Lohan and Angelina Jolie.

I know I’m white trash but I disagree that Angelina should be on this list. The woman gives zillions to the poor and adopts orphans. Sure, she broke up Brad and Jen’s marriage but why lump her with tramps girls like Brit and Paris?

Oceans 12 was kind of a mess plot-wise, but the dialogue was good and the actors are so great you forget that films are supposed to make more sense. I would watch Clooney, Pitt and Damon sit around talking about anything. Throw in cool music and some heist scenes and I’m there.

Oceans 13 is scheduled for release on June 8, 2007: