JLo! At least we’re only subjected to her ass crack and not her entire nether region. She could have some floss-like thong on, but it’s hard to see.

JLo’s first ex husband, waiter Ojani Noa, wants to cash in with a huge tell-all book about his one-year marriage to the pop star. She made him sign a confidentiality agreement as part of a settlement for firing him as the manager at her Miami restaurant, and the two are now battling it out in court. He vows to continue fighting, because he’s probably got nothing better to do. It doesn’t look like he has a lawyer yet though:

Latina superstar Jennifer Lopez is facing a court battle in her ongoing legal dispute with her first ex-husband - Ojani Noa has vowed to fight her “to the end.” The singer/actress filed her suit against the former waiter in April, after Noa announced plans to detail their one-year marriage in a tell-all book. She also obtained a restraining order barring Noa from revealing intimate details of their sex life.

Noa and Lopez signed an agreement last year, ruling he could not disparage the star or make money from disclosing intimate details from their brief marriage. But Noa told a Los Angeles judge Friday that he regrets agreeing to the preliminary injunctions.

He said, “I want to fight this thing to the end. My life has not been the same since this lawsuit was filed.” The judge told Noa he must hire a lawyer by January 17 or represent himself in court.

He probably has a lot of sordid details to reveal about J.Lo and she fears that they’ll get out. What better way to head off revealing news than by showing some skin?

Thanks to Faded Youth for the header picture.

- Britney, Lindsay and Paris: The Three Disgraces [Gallery of the Absurd]
- Graffiti artist Banksy illustrates Michael Jackson luring children into his lair [Suicide Girls]
- Lohan, desperate for some sort of press, has her rep confirm that she’s going to AA. [Gabsmash]
- Britney’s ex wants to write a tell-all book about her, so she sort of threatened him [Socialite's Life]
- More Britney and Paris lesbian sex romp rumors [yeeeah]
- I tried to go easy on Gwyneth for being a know-it-all hater, because maybe she didn’t actually say that shit. If she did, though, I totally agree with Agent Bedhead. [Agent Bedhead]
- The programmers at Apothegm Designs are helping me customize my Wordpress template so it loads quicker. It’s not up yet, but once it’s ready I’ll let you know. They have been so helpful to me, and really know what they’re doing with Wordpress, Movable Type, and Drupal, so keep them in mind for your next project. [Apothegm Designs]
- Pictures from VH1’s “Big in 2006″ Awards featuring Paris Hilton and Hayden Panettiere [Mollygood]
- Have Madonna and Guy been seing a marriage counselor? [Glitterati]
- Prison Break star Lane Garrison was in a car accident in which a 17 year-old passenger was killed [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Pink lets everyone know that she wears panties [Celeb News Wire]
- Insecure models are writing to The Bastardly asking for validation. [Bastardly]
- Hilary Swank in the Pirelli Calendar [IDLYITW]
- “The Nativity Story” is really depressing [Pajiba]
- Halle Berry and her boyfriend had a public fight [Haute Gossip]
- Short version of “Pulp Fiction” (All swearing, NSFW at all) [College Humor]
- Clay Aiken just can’t hit those high notes anymore [DListed]
- Poster for Hugh Grant & Drew Barrymore’s new movie, “Music & Lyrics” [ICYDK]

Jessica Simpson must not be used to singing to a house full of bigwigs. She choked up during a performance at the Kennedy Center Honors and left the stage abruptly at the end in the middle of her number. She sang Dolly Parton’s “Nine to Five” with Dolly in attendance. Once she came back on afterwards it was clear she had been crying:

Singer-actress Jessica Simpson was in tears last night after flubbing a song she was performing during the Kennedy Center Honors.

Simpson was on stage to sing Nine to Five as part of the tribute to Dolly Parton, one of the evening’s five honorees. Simpson ended her performance abrupty with the words “so nervous” and quickly exited the stage. The stunned audience remained silent, giving her no applause.

Simpson appeared to be crying when she and other singers in the tribute returned to the stage.

CBS will broadcast the show Dec. 26 at 9 p.m.

In addition to Parton, the evening’s other honorees were movie director Steven Spielberg, singer Smokey Robinson, composer Andrew Lloyd Webber and conductor Zubin Mehta.

Here are pictures from the night in question. Who wouldn’t be intimidated performing Dolly Parton’s number right in front of her. I heard that Dick Cheney gave her a little sneer too.

Pictures from Hollywood’s Best.

Renee Zellwegger looks like the perfect weight at the premiere of Mrs. Potter in London this weekend. It’s wrong of me to say that, because it just perpetuates the evil cycle that these Hollywood women go through to look good, but she’s not super skinny any more and looks really healthy. Would it kill her to use some gloss on those lips though?

Zellwegger said that not having time to eat while she’s working on the movie set helps her stay thin. She also claims that she’s a little bit intimidated at the thought of working with her once-rumored lover George Clooney because he’s a notorious prankster. They will start shooting the movie “Leatherheads” together in January.

Renee Zellweger, who showed up looking svelte at Sunday night’s London premiere of her new movie, Miss Potter, credits her slim figure to her work.

She says that the 20-minute lunch breaks she was allotted while making another movie, Case 39, helped her stay fit.

“That’s all we got on the set,” the Cold Mountain Oscar winner tells PEOPLE. “At that point, I was like, you know, forget it. And running around … everywhere, that helps.”

Zellweger, 37, joked that she finds out what diet she’s on by reading media reports. “I’m like, oh, oh, I’m doing that diet now – that’s fantastic! Good for me!”

As Peter Rabbit author Beatrix Potter, Zellweger is playing an English woman for the third time, having portrayed Bridget Jones twice. It’s having an effect, too: “I understand (and) crave the beans and toast breakfast,” she says.

But when it comes to living in the high-priced British capital, “I don’t know if I can afford it,” she told reporters. “I move around so much with work that I don’t really live anywhere.”

Next up for the actress: Leatherheads, with George Clooney. Shooting starts in January.

And how does she feel about working with PEOPLE’s Sexiest Man Alive? “I’m scared,” she admits. “I hear he’s a terrible prankster and really had patience… Like when you least expect it.”

As a result, “I’m going to be on alert, I’m never going to sleep, I’m sure of it. I’ll be watching my back, George!”

Considering that Clooney probably banged her a few times, it seems like she made a Freudian slip when she said she’ll be watching her, uh, back. Clooney is said to enjoy… entering establishments by the back door.

Renee is shown with Ewan McGregor, her costar in the film “Miss. Potter” at the premiere. (You know that people are still going to comment and say “that’s not George Clooney, duh.”) Here’s the trailer. Thanks to Faded Youth for these pictures.

A drug runner 61 year old grandma was caught with 214 pounds of ganj. Grammy Garcia told police that she received only $275 in welfare a month and regularly gambled to buy money for weed support herself.

When police turned a deaf ear to her pleas, Grammy decided to take another route and pulled out a gun, no two, and said, “Give me back my bingo pot, bitches!” That’s when they decided intervention needed to happen and maced her bingo loving ass.

No, not really. But that’s what I imagined happened. Instead after that lousy excuse didn’t work, she claimed she was tricked which was a total farce because we all know if the crazy lady had 214 lbs. of weed that she had to protect and hide at all costs, she most definitely knew they weren’t a different strain of tomato plants.

Bad news: She’s getting 3-12 years in the slammer.

Good news: She will probably hand-make bingo cards out of discarded trash and bingo balls made out of buttermints and convince the other inmates to play with her.

And here I have posted a picture of Ryan Phillippe just because I’m sure he and Granny have the same interests.

Gwyneth Paltrow needs to hire someone who will issue clear denials of the stupid things she supposedly says. She claimed she never said Americans were stupid and boring since they talk about how they work to make a living compared to what her British blue-blood friends, who don’t have to lift a finger in life, talk about. She did say something that was likely suggestive of that during a Spanish press conference. She’s pretty vague about what she actually said, and claims that her bad Spanish was to blame, but since she once bashed Americans for mourning 9/11, it’s likely she wasn’t all positive about how great America is.

“First of all I feel so lucky to be American. When you look at the rest of the world, we’re so lucky, and that’s something my dad always instilled in me,” Paltrow tells PEOPLE. “I feel so proud to be American.”

The actress has recently been criticized after she was quoted as telling the Portuguese newspaper Diario De Noticias, “The British are much more intelligent and civilized than the Americans.”

“I felt so upset to be completely misconstrued and I never, ever would have said that,” says the 34-year-old Oscar winner. “I definitely did not say that I think the British are more intelligent and civilized than Americans. I am a New York girl, that’s how I always think of myself and see myself.”

Paltrow, who lives part-time in London with her British husband, Coldplay singer Chris Martin, and their two children, Apple, 2, and Moses, 7 months, says: “I live in England half the time because I’m married to an English guy. It’s not like I’ve left America.”

As for where the quotes came from, Paltrow says she did not give an interview to the Portuguese daily newspaper, though she did give a press conference – in Spanish – for an endorsement she did in Spain.

“This is what I said. I said that Europe is a much older culture and there’s a difference. I always say in America, people live to work and in Europe, people work to live. There are positives in both,” says the actress, adding, “Obviously I need to go back to seventh-grade Spanish!“

Yeah, she probably said that the Americans talk too much about work. It’s not like she’s wrong in that America is more work-focused, but she’s a public figure and her career depends on keeping in the public’s good graces. If she doesn’t want to stir up controversy she shouldn’t compare Americans to British unfavorably.

She gets a B grade for this denial. It’s adequate and she seems somewhat sincere, but in light of the crap she’s said in the past it seems like she did say something that was pretty similar to how she was quoted. I think a carefully worded statement from a publicist would have closed the matter a lot better.

Janet Charlton has a very interesting story claiming that Jessica Simpson learned about Prison Break star Lane Garrison’s car accident, in which a 17 year-old boy was killed and two teenage girls were injured, right before she performed at the Kennedy Center Awards. Garrison grew up in the same town as Jessica, was like a brother to her and even stayed with Jessica’s father, Joe, when he was a teenager. The news of Garrison’s car crash so upset Jessica that she performed terribly that night, singing so low that the audience couldn’t hear her and running offstage in tears.

Charlton also has the inside scoop on just why a 26 year-old man would be hanging out with high school students. They asked him to go to a party with them to impress their friends:

NOW we know why Jessica Simpson was in TEARS at the Kennedy Center Honors. She had just found out about Lane Garrison’s tragic auto accident. (One teenage male passenger was killed and two girls were injured.) Lane was like a brother to her - they grew up in the same town and when he had problems at home, he went to live with Jessica’s dad Joe Simpson when he was a teenager. Simpson helped make Lane a star like he did his daughters. And Lane loved being famous. When he went to Ralph’s Saturday night to buy pita chips, two teen girls saw him and got VERY excited. They begged him to come to their high school party to impress their friends. Lane couldn’t resist the flattery. Just how much he had to drink before and during the party will be apparent when his blood test results come back. When Lane wanted to leave, the girls begged the boy who was killed to come along because they were a little afraid of Lane. The joy ride ended abruptly when his SUV crashed into a tree. Acquaintances of Lane are predicting that the blood test will show more than alcohol was in his system. Right now Lane’s in hiding and Jessica is still distraught.

This is a sad story all around, and a another tragic cautionary tale for driving drunk.

If it’s true that Jessica was upset at her friend’s tragedy and not simply intimidated and nervous at having to perform Dolly Parton’s number, why didn’t her publicist say so? It’s the lead story in Page Six today, and her publicist simply confirms that she was jittery at having to sing in front of her idol and had to re-shoot the performance.

When I read about the latest wedding rumors for Beyonce and Jay-Z I had to look up the last rumor that they were going to be married. They were said to be planning a huge wedding on the island of Anguilla this November. Obviously that didn’t happen, but this time they’re still said to be planning a wedding in Anguilla to take place right after Jay-Z’s 37th birthday party:

“Beyoncé is throwing Jay a four-day birthday party, but it’s really a wedding,” said one source. Guests, including family and close friends, were told to have passport applications filed by last Friday so they can attend the bash on a yacht in St. Barts. But insiders said the guests will also be ferried over to Anguilla for the wedding at Cap Juluca, a five-star resort with Moorish villas. Another spy said Knowles and Jay-Z had toured the site earlier this year and approved it for their nuptials. Reps for Knowles, Jay-Z and Cap Juluca didn’t return calls or e-mails. The rapper/mogul has dated the lovely Knowles, now bigger than ever with her star turn in “Dreamgirls,” for four years.

Beyonce said this summer that she wasn’t ready for marriage, and that she’s not the type of girl who always dreamed about a lavish wedding. If this news is true it looks like she’ll be getting one, anyway.

Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody, The OC’s onscreen and once-offscreen couple, have broken up after two years together. These two were said to be having problems a few weeks ago due to Rachel getting too close to her costar in “The Last Kiss,” Zach Braff. It looks like they parted at some point and were able to keep it a secret for quite a while. Rachel and Adam were seen out separately several times, and it’s not too surprising that they’re no longer together. They were an adorable couple though and this is sad news:

Onscreen lovebirds Rachel Bilson and Adam Brody, who play a cute couple on The O.C. and have also dated offscreen since 2004, have decided to call it quits.

“They’ve been done for a few weeks,” a friend close to the couple tells Life & Style. “They are just done. That’s all there is to it. There’s no drama. They just ended it.”

That may explain why Adam showed up solo to a party on Nov. 28 for the U.S. premiere of Volkswagen’s concept car Tiguan in LA.

“He was definitely acting like a single guy,” an eyewitness tells Life & Style.

According to nightlife insiders in LA, he’s been spending a lot of time without Rachel at the clubs with his guy friends.

Reps for the two would not comment.

I was kind of hoping these two were solid, but they were both just 26 and that seems kind of young to settle down in Hollywood.

Picture from PopSugar.

Eddie Murphy and Melanie B., aka Scary Spice, have broken up less than six months after they started dating. They should have plenty to remember each other by, though. They got tattooed with each others names a few days after they met, and Scary is almost five months pregnant. Murphy said during a Dutch interview that only DNA would tell if the baby was really his, and there’s also news that he’s already moved on to another girlfriend. Maybe he couldn’t stand the fact that Mel couldn’t pass for a tranny when she was knocked up:

Sources say Murphy was asked on a Dutch TV show this weekend if he was happy with the pregnant Melanie, to which he reportedly responded, “You’re being presumptuous, because we’re not together anymore. And I don’t know whose child that is, until it comes out and has a blood test. You shouldn’t jump to conclusions, sir.” Okay then!

The couple started dating in June, just two months after the “Daddy Day Care” star’s divorce became final. Murphy already has six children, while Melanie, aka Scary Spice, has a daughter from a previous relationship. Now who’s your daddy?

Eddie’s rep told TMZ, “Mr. Murphy does not discuss his personal life publicly, so whatever is being reported is a fabrication and did not occur.”

Now Murphy is dating Babyface’s ex wife Tracy Edmunds, and she confirms that she’s been with him for a month and a half. The last time Murphy and Scary Spice seem to have been photographed together was September 26, and they were looking pretty pissed. If he’s been dating Edmunds for a month and a half they must have broken up right after that.

Maybe the baby’s paternity was questionable or maybe Scary and Eddie were fighting all the time and he’s saying he doesn’t know if the baby is his because he can’t stand her anymore. Regardless Scary can’t pass for a pretty man if she’s got a big baby bump - or can she?