Britney’s quite the mess, but it doesn’t seem she’s neglectful of her children enough to need constant monitoring by Child and Family Services. The news yesterday from Page Six that Britney is wanted for questioning by the child welfare agency was either fabricated or overblown. TMZ reports that it’s just not true, and that as long as Britney has someone watching the children she should be fine.

Paparazzi agency X17 says that Britney visited a knee surgeon this week for a consultation. She injured her knee two years ago, which sort of led her to K-Fed and derailed her music career. Speculation is that she may need more surgery on it, which could postpone her much-anticipated comeback.

Britney is now trying to mend her public image by replacing that dumb ass morphing tiger on her website with a personal message referencing her issue with undergarments, but it seems like too little too late:

It’s been so long since I’ve been out on the town with friends. [Note from Celebitchy: 4 hours] It’s also been 2 years since I’ve even celebrated my birthday. Every move I make at this point has been magnified more than I expected, and I probably did take my new found freedom a little too far. Anyway, thank God for Victoria’s Secrets’ new underwear line! I look forward to a new year, new music and a new me.

I’m just getting started… Happy Holidays everyone!

Britney

This sounds like the trite justifications Lohan uses for her partying. (”I’m 20, don’t all 20 year-olds go out?”) There’s a difference between hitting a nightclub once in a while, and going out every night of the week when you have two young children at home. Someone wrote this for her and told her that she needed to sound contrite. There’s nothing Britney can say that will erase the image of her punane from peoples’ minds.

All of Britney’s actions show that she wants to do everything as she pleases. We’re really disappointed in her and this stupid message isn’t going to change that. She may be the top search phrase on Yahoo! this year, but it takes a lot of work to look away from an accident instead of slowing down and staring.

Is it wrong of me to say that Britney is looking kind of slack recently? If she’s up all night drinking (and probably drugging) she’s surely let up on her fitness and health regime. She doesn’t look as good as she did a month ago, and that kind of partying catches up with you quick. Just look at Lohan.

Eddie Murphy never broke up with four-months pregnant Melanie B. He didn’t even bother to phone or text message her the news, and she had to find out from her friends, who heard it after he told a Dutch television station that he wasn’t with her and didn’t know if the baby with his. That’s harsh:

MEL B learnt she had been dumped by Eddie Murphy - when friends phoned to tell her.

The ex-Spice Girl was on a US-bound jet when he told the world on a TV show.

Mel only found out when she landed and checked messages from worried friends.

She bravely smiled through her torment but a pal admitted yesterday: “Mel’s beyond gutted. She was set to marry this guy and now he’s knocked the wind out of her.”

The mum-to-be, 31, left her Los Angeles home last week for a wedding in Britain, hoping that one day she too would walk down the aisle with the comic.

But Eddie, 45, was secretly seeing new love Tracey Edmonds. He later told a Dutch TV station he had ditched Mel and wanted a DNA test to prove the baby was his.

Tracy Edmonds recently claimed to be dating Murphy for six weeks. That means he’s been cheating on his pregnant girlfriend with her all that time.

The Sun reports that Melanie is floored that Eddie wants a paternity test, and that she had no idea the split was coming. She just thought they were fighting a little.

Word is that Melanie just didn’t get along with Eddie’s mother while they were all trying to live together in his mansion. Staff are said to have found her demanding, and everyone questioned her motives when she became pregnant just a few months after meeting Murphy.

Now that she’s been dumped without a word from the cheating tranny-loving comic, he’s going to come off as the bad guy no matter what she did while they were together.

Tom and Katie are having yet another wedding celebration this Saturday at the Beverly Hills mansion of his business partner Paula Wagner. It’s meant to be a big affair for friends and family who couldn’t travel all the way to Rome to get the Scientology pitch. Noticeably absent from the guest list is Oprah, who certainly pissed off Tommy for commenting that she didn’t “buy” his couch-jumping antics proclaiming his love for the little actress on her show.

Oprah was all “I don’t get invited to everyone’s wedding” when she was asked about being snubbed from the Rome wedding. I wonder what she’s going to say about this, which kind of brings the snub home:

TomKat didn’t invite the talk queen to their wedding in Italy. Now Winfrey’s rep confirms that she hasn’t been asked to the post-honeymoon bash thrown by Paula Wagner, Cruise’s UA producing partner, and Cruise’s agent, Rick Nicita. (Some believe that Viacom chief Sumner Redstone started thinking about cutting Cruise loose after seeing his infamous couch-jumping antics on Oprah’s talk show.)

Look for lots more pictures of smiling brainwashed faces in your favorite glossies next week. TomKat must not have received enough coverage for their last wedding, and is planning another just as the news dies down.

After his second wedding party, Cruise will start work on a new war film called Lions for Lambs with Meryl Streep and Robert Redford.

Here are pictures of Katie bringing Suri to meet Victoria Beckham during her stay in LA. Beckham is said to be looking for real estate in the Cruise’s neighborhood. Pictures from KatieHolmes.com

Hotties Matthew McConaughey and Matthew Fox star in We Are Marshall, a movie based on the true story of a college football coach who helped a town heal after all 75 people were killed aboard a plane transporting their football team from a game.

Matt was on Oprah yesterday and said that he can’t help but cry every time he sees the film, which has a message of hope and renewal in the face of grief.

He also said that it helped him to connect with his departed father, who was also a football coach and once played with the Green Bay Packers.

The movie was filmed in the town of Huntington, West Virginia where the tragedy took place about 30 years ago. At first locals were suspicious of the Hollywood invasion, but soon warmed up to their efforts to tell the heartwrenching story.

McConaughey is clearly moved by the film and the story behind it. He says it was the first script he read that he knew right away he wanted to do. He calls his role as head coach Jack Lengyel his “most gratifying experience… as an actor.”

He sums up the message of the film:

We Are Marshall is a powerful film, Matthew says, because it’s a football story about more than just the game of football. “You don’t forget your past, you don’t forget your loss. You’ve got to respect it. And with good memory, and good hope, something to look forward to, then we can just keep livin’, or just keep playing today,” Matthew says. “Things we don’t want to remember, we need to, whether they hurt or they don’t because they form who we are. But you’ve got to move on—not forgetting. You’ve got to move on. Strap on the boots and take the field of life, take the field of football.”

“There’s no rule book for how do you deal with [grief]. We all do it our own way.”

Here’s the trailer, which made me tear up a little:

I’m not that into sports, but I really want to see this movie now. It looks excellent and McConaughey seems like he fits well into the role. We are Marshall is out on December 22, and I’ll be in the states for Christmas and will be sure to check it out.

Here are some stills from We Are Marshall from allmoviephoto.com. There are also pictures of Matt on Oprah. Matthew Fox plays assistant coach Red Dawson. Other actors in the film include Anthony Mackie, Kate Mara, Ian McShane, Arlen Escarpeta, January Jones, and David Strathairn.

In one cute picture, Fox and McConaughey are shown posing with the men they play in the film, former head coach Jack Lengyel, and assistant coach Red Dawson.

Many of these pictures are available as wallpaper for your computer desktop through Allmoviephoto. Here’s the official website for the movie.

Lindsay Lohan showed just how much the drugs have affected her brain by firing off a rambling e-mail to her lawyers and friends that was promptly forwarded to media outlets. She surely intended it that way, but if she wants to get out this message that she can serve as a role model and help change the world and all, (if that is the message, since I didn’t get the point) couldn’t she put in some line breaks and use a spell checker?

I’m getting ahead of myself, though, because Lohan is begging for help and advice in this stream of consciousness e-mail but doesn’t seem to be at the point where she’s able to accept it. She has a few vague bad ideas of how to go about making people love her, but she’s really just letting everyone know that she and her overinflated ego are out of control:

Subject: The way of the future-Howard Hughes once said. I am willing to release a politically/morally correct, fully adequite letter to the press if any of you are willing to help. Simply to state my oppinions on how our society should be educated on for the better of our country. Our people. Also because I have such an impact on our younger generations, as well as generations older than me. Which we all know and can obviously see. People are just mean. I am going to proceed with putting LR to court if need be for what she’s done to me. Its my life. I want to live it. People cannot lie and think that it is okay to continue on having done so. Simply because they will do it again to someone else, and that is not alright with me. I have had many ups and downs, as do we all.
[Note from Celebitchy: that's the longest subject I've ever seen]

Body:
But to make false accusations to one girl is unjust in my oppinion. Having said this, I am willing to do anything I need to get my life the way it should be and the way I work for it to be.. And have thus far in my career. Let’s sue the tabloids for saying the things they say. Defamation of character. Amongst other illegal accusations, I will repeat this over and over to make my point. I am not fully aware of what these, again, accusations are, but I am fully and eagerly prepared to learn them. Have harvey and all lawyers help me please. If he is willing. Al Gore will help me he came up to me last night and said he would be very happy to have a conversation with me. If he is willing to help me, let’s find out. Hilary Clinton, Bill Clinton, and Evan metroplis, and John Daur who works with them would be willing, if we just ask. If we just ASK. I’d really like to fix things and refuse to stop on any account for these unintelligent, vulgar people who like to hurt other people. Not just me, but everyone. I’m willing to hold a press conference and I will do anything necessary to do so. In putting an end to ‘these people’ trying to put an end to me and belittle me as well as try to be the demise of me after all I’ve gone through and done at such a young and tender age in a womans life. Its enough already, I’ve had enough and I am going to be the one to make a change. For all of my fellow actors, friends, people I admire and for those I’ve lost in the recent days, years, months. I do believe the focus in the world has misplaced and directed in the wrong directions and I am willing to be the one to help change that and use my celebrity status to move the focalpoint /(s) of the press to the real issues that we have going on as we speak. Anyone that is willing to help and has a family member or friend, even co-worker that is in a position to be involved in any way, shape or form, please contact me, Jenni Muro, Leslie Sloane, Michael Heller, Jason Sloane, Jason Weinberg as soon as you can or are willing. Just ask them, it doesn’t hurt to ask. So let’s start now, rather than waste time. Do you agree? Because I’m doing it either way. The way of the future. Thank you for your time. Your Entertainer, Lindsay Lohan Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

Thanks to Gawker for that entire dense e-mail, which I’ve read a few times and still can’t wrap my brain around. That subject line is very long. I don’t have a Blackberry, but is that how they work? Do people routinely just use the subject line for the whole message?

So Lindsay is asking for help from higher-up, and that’s what she’s learning in AA and all. She also says that she wants assistance writing some letter to the press or something about how great she is, but she’s doing it already in this message. She’s incredibly narcissistic and seems to think that everyone is out to get her. She’s blaming “LR” for leaking stories to the press, and LR is said to be the assistant who left her to work for Jessica Biel. She’s obviously using this girl as a scapegoat for her negative image.

Lohan - if you want help, I’ll give it to you, thanks for asking: If you’re so fucking concerned about education go to college. Preferably somewhere in the Midwest where drugs are hard to find. Maybe if you stop going out every night you won’t have to worry about all the tabloids reporting lies about you or whatever it is this e-mail is about.

It’s good that you’re asking for help, though, that’s something. I look forward to an e-mail where you make a fearless moral inventory and apologize to us all for wasting our time.

Lindsay is shown out to lunch with her mom and sister at Orso on 12/4. Thanks to Linds-Lo.com and Splash News for these pictures.

Just like Britney, K-Fed is attempting to clean up his image but is going about it half-assed and failing. He supposedly put out a press release stating that he’s changed his whole look and has abandoned the loose hip-hop gear in favor of suits. Wearing suits will solve everything, K-Fed.

FedEx and his posse attended a party in NY for a new book called “The Concise Guide to Sounding Smart at Parties” and was said to actually be interested in what the book was about. He later reverted to old ways and was downing shots at the open bar.

Fully clothed K-Fed still is coming off as the less f’ed up party in his divorce with Britney though. In an interview with E! he doesn’t sound like as much of a douche as he normally does. Maybe they edited out the bragging he normally does:

“I am good, I am great, you know … just moving along, progressing and taking it all in stride,” the 28-year-old aspiring rapper tells E! News in an interview that was to air Wednesday night…

Federline, who is seeking spousal support and sole custody of his sons with Spears, says he’s a family man and “that is the truth … in all honesty, that is what it is.”

He is also the father of a 4-year-old daughter, Kori, and a 2-year-old son, Kaleb, with actress Shar Jackson. They dated before he became involved with Spears.

Meanwhile, the media is giving the club-hopping Federline a tough time.

“I laugh a little bit about it you know,” he said. “I don’t take it too seriously. Those are people who don’t really know who I am.”

His debut album, Playing With Fire, sold a dismal 6,500 copies in its first week of release. The CD was released Oct. 31.

When asked about it, Federline says he’s “working it slowly, still trying to get out there and do more stuff … I got a lot of options on the table right now.”

His New Year’s resolution?

To be “a little bit wiser, a little bit stronger.”

That all sounds surprisingly normal coming from K-Fed.

Vanessa Minnillo made boyfriend Nick Lachey go get his hairy chest waxed at a Beverly Hills Spa. It hurt so bad that he screamed in pain and insisted that the esthetician stop right there. I wonder if he’s still got those landing strips on his chest:

In a scene that was sorta “40-Year-Old Virgin” meets “Fur,” NICK LACHEY’s sexy squeeze VANESSA MINNILLO – itching to control his chest hair, which sprouts like scratchy sawgrass, according to pals – dragged “Gorilla Guy” off to a BevHills spa to get his man-thatch wax-snatched! But after just two wax strips were ripped from his manly man-boobs, Nick emitted a nearly-girly shriek and yelled, “NO MORE!” With half his chest bare as a baby’s bottom – and the other half sorta bear-y – Nick hopped off the table and split for the changing room, ignoring Vanessa’s please to lie down and get waxed like a man!

That goes to show that men can’t hack what we women go through for the sake of beauty. I once took my husband to get a manicure with me and the ladies painted his nails with that clear nailtiques polish. I took it off for him when we got home, but he won’t get his nails done again. The nail technicians must have been laughing about it afterwards.

I’m really surprised and honored that Celebitchy has been chosen as one of the ten gossip blog finalists in the Weblog awards. Polls are now open and you’re able to vote once a day according to the rules. Thanks for visiting Celebitchy and helping us grow.

- Awesome sex advice from gossip bloggers including Jenny from IDLYITW, Molly from Mollygood, Micheal K from DListed, and Lisa from Socialite’s Life. Want to make a great sex tape? Get your lube to last? The gossip bloggers are schooled in these matters. [Nerve]
- 2006 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show video [Hollywood Tuna]
- Puff Daddy snapped smoking a joint [Haute Gossip]
- Lindsay Lohan spits back half-eaten hors d’ouevres [Egotastic]
- The TomKat pre second-wedding dinner, starring J.Lo and Posh. [Mollygood]
- Ben Affleck is still talking about Hollywoodland [PopSugar]
- H&M is going to release a second line for Madonna. Didn’t they learn the first time? [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Bette Midler calls Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan sluts [Socialite's Life]
- Does Britney want Justin back? [popbytes]
- Britney Spears is pissed she can’t show off her crotch anymore [CityRag]
- No matter what age Beyonce really is, she still wears obvious-looking wigs. [IDLYITW]
- If you and your friends are really super rich and have no idea what to get each other for Christmas, you can save 4g on caviar from Amazon. Or you can just head over there and read the reviews, they’re pretty damn funny. [Agent Bedhead]
- Dakota Fanning’s creepy Vanity Fair spread [Just Jared]
- Unaccompanied Minors, The Holiday, and Blood Diamond open in theaters the weekend [Pajiba]
- Al Gore and Barak Obama want nothing to do with Lohan’s crazy “look at me” scheme [Evil Beet]
- Keira Knightley without makeup [DListed]
- Nicole Richie is picking up Hilary Duff’s leftovers, Joel Madden [yeeah]
- Jennifer Connelly and Leonardo DiCaprio at the Blood Diamond premiere [ICYDK]
- Jennifer Hudson backpedals, says her statements about homosexuality being a sin were misconstrued. [Faded Youth]
- Rihanna side boob [Bastardly]

See this dress Laura Bush is wearing in this official White House Holiday photo? It’s by Oscar de la Renta and costs $8,500 freakin’ dollars. You’d think if you were going to spend that much money on a haute couture dress and wear it to an official event, you would make sure it was an original, right? So nobody else would be wearing the same dress as the Queen of the Free World?

Well, it seems Mrs. Bush didn’t have someone do that for her and ended up wearing this dress not only for the official White House Holiday photo, but also to a celebrity studded party for fat cats at the White House. Imagine her surprise when she discovered that three other women were wearing the exact same dress! Oh, the horrors!

Letitia Baldridge, Jacqueline Kennedy’s Chief of Staff and White House social secretary says the gown was beautiful, but triple the trouble was quite the mess.

“They all should have congratulated one another on their good taste and the fact that they could afford the dress,” Baldridge says. “Jacqueline Kennedy, when she was first lady made sure, and her couturiers made sure that nobody else wore that dress that season. “

Oh please, Laura Bush is no Jacqueline Kennedy. That’s like comparing apples to oranges. But Laura did try to rectify the situation by running upstairs and changing into another gown. The other three ladies who had the same dress on didn’t have that option, and for the remainder of the night, tried to stay as far away from each other as they possibly could.

White House Holiday photo via The White House

I’m not really buying this news, because The Mirror makes a lot of shit up based on paparazzi pictures. It’s likely that someone saw some pictures of Madge and Guy looking unhappy after leaving a restaurant and invented this dialogue. Maybe it’s true as it’s possible that another diner or one of the staff overheard this. The fact that they lead with how they looked afterwards kind of tips me off that they’re using the photos to make up this story.

Madonna and Guy are said to have fought loudly in a restaurant over how controlling Madonna is:

The couple, just two weeks away from their sixth wedding anniversary, had a furious row at in front of stunned diners at exclusive Italian restaurant Cecconi’s in Mayfair.

Fellow guests were shocked to hear film director Guy, 38, attacking his wife for being so “controlling” all the time. Pop queen Madge, 48, meanwhile looked miffed as she sat at the table toying with her food.

The Lock, Stock … director later emerged stony faced from the London restaurant, while the superstar singer just looked drained.

A customer revealed: “The atmosphere between them was more than frosty. Guy was the one who was raising his voice the most - you couldn’t help but hear what he was saying.

“They were sitting in a corner booth and he was telling her that he’d had enough of her being so controlling all the time and that something had to give.

“Madonna tried to give it back to him, but he would just talk over her. She just seemed really embarrassed. They didn’t enjoy their meal and left after about an hour and a half.”

The row comes less than a week after it emerged the couple were planning to see marriage therapist Tricia Barnes as the cracks deepened in their six-year marriage.

Two months ago the couple were celebrating the adoption of Malawian orphan David Banda.

But despite their devotion to the toddler and children Lourdes, 10, and Rocco, six the marriage is said to have hit an all time low.

An insider said: “Guy and Madonna both dote on David, but her attitude can irritate and upset Guy.

“She drove the whole adoption thing and Guy was just left trailing in her slipstream just nodding and going along with things.

“The bottom line is that Guy sometimes feels he’s not allowed to have an opinion.”

There was a rumor that Madonna wanted another Malawian infant right away and was eyeing a one and a half year-old girl named Jessica. Another couple was said to be in the process of adopting her and was worried that Madonna would snatch her first. That seems to have been put on hold, and it was said that Guy told Madonna that he didn’t support another adoption so soon after they took little Davie home.

Given Madonna’s personality, it’s not that much of a stretch to assume these two are fighting, but I doubt that The Mirror has any insider information in this case. I’ve caught them making up stories based on pictures before, and they’re not that reliable of a source. (What gossip rag is?) They also say that Madonna and Guy left after an hour and a half, which is just about the amount of time it usually takes to have dinner. Why would they add that detail unless they don’t have much else to use for the supposed eyewitness quote?

Madonna is said to have accessorized her evilness by wearing a coat made of 60 widdle chinchillas that evening. She is also working on a new fashion line with H&M called M by Madonna. Her H&M tracksuits failed to sell, so the Swedish retail chain is giving her another chance.

Header picture from swaggyp’s Flickr. Inset image from SkyNews.

Update: Thanks to Splash News for the new header image of Madonna and Guy on the evening in question. Here’s the fug picture of Madonna that I used for the header image earlier: