Brad and Angelina are said to be planning a fairytale Christmas wedding to take place South Africa. Weren’t they supposed to be having some kind of tribal ceremony in Namibia when they were there, and didn’t Brad later say that he wouldn’t get married until it was legal for same sex partners too? This sounds like wishful thinking. Add Oprah into the mix and it’s rather suspect. All this story needs is a dash of George Clooney’s Italian villa:

The Hollywood couple will tie the knot in a small village outside Johannesburg, according to reports in the US.

Sources say they were persuaded to pick the venue after talking to chat show queen Oprah Winfrey.

An insider said: “They are treating their marriage like a spiritual affirmation and don’t need big Hollywood glitz like Tom Cruise had in Italy.”

The ceremony will include traditional African music and will be “simple and elegant”, a friend of the couple told US magazine OK!

The pal adds: “They are so much in love.

“Brad and Angelina have waited a long time for this chapter in their lives to unfold.”

It comes after Jolie and Winfrey have grown close after the TV host was impressed by Jolie’s humanitarian efforts.

She is said to have told her: “When you have the chance to capture lightning in a bottle you need to go for it.”

The pal said: “Ange is grateful to have a big sister in Oprah, a person who understands her fears of commitment but is also a kindred spirit.”

Winfrey, 52, is expected to be among several stars attending the low-key event, shortly before Christmas.

She founded the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls in a village south of Johannesburg.

Madonna, her husband Guy Ritchie, actor George Clooney and Jolie’s co-star Daniel Craig are also said to be going.

Jolie was previously married to actors Jonny Lee Miller and Billy Bob Thornton.

This story screams bullshit on so many levels. Madonna just dissed Angelina Jolie. She told Oprah that she’d never met her and made a dismissive reference to Angelina’s humantarian efforts. She would never be invited to her wedding.

Oprah and Angelina are not friends as far as I know. Oprah has Jennifer Aniston on all the time, and Brad may have made some appearances on the show but I’ve never heard that Oprah and Angelina are friendly. It’s a slow news week with the holidays coming up, and you can only squeeze so much out of the Britney story. More on that later.

Here is a picture of Angelina on the cover of January, 2007 Vogue, courtesy of Just Jared.

Reliable news source In Touch is reporting that a witness saw Britney in a restaurant bathroom with a purse full of pills, including antidepressant Paxil and the antianxiety drug Xanax. Britney is said to have popped a Xanax right in front of everyone. You’re probably not supposed to mix those drugs, and you’re definitely not supposed to drink with them. At least they’re legal if she has a prescription for them:

On November 27 Britney dined at Dan Tana’s restaurant in West Hollywood - where she was also spotted carrying a glass of red wine out to her car before taking the wheel - and during a visit to the powder room a fellow diner caught a glimpse inside her handbag.

The source told In Touch Weekly magazine: “It looked like a pharmacy in there - I have never seen so many pills.

“There was a bottle of Paxil, an antidepressant, and a bottle of Xanax, which treats anxiety, that she took out and put on the counter.”

The directions for both these drugs state they should not be mixed with alcohol.

Taking some medication isn’t that damning. I mean Britney never goes home so she has to take her meds somewhere. She shouldn’t be drinking too, and driving, and neglecting her kids, but whatever. I was going to mention something about breastfeeding, but it’s not prohibited while you’re on Paxil and that seems to be a non-issue with little miss vag.

Oh I read a doubtful rumor yesterday that Britney was in talks to design her own panty line. She name-dropped Victoria’s Secret on her website, so it’s possible.

There’s also this explosive news that K-Fed is accusing Britney of banging Mario Lopez when she hung out in Vegas with him one weekend. According to The National Enquirer (as reported by Splash News, and it must be the print version because it’s not on their website) K-Fed says that Britney bragged about how she slept with Lopez, and that she spent a whole weekend holed up with him in a Vegas hotel:

Mario Lopez and Britney Spears met in the high rollers lounge at The Palms Casino when Britney was in town recording some tracks for her new album. This chance meeting led to a two day sex romp in Britney’s hotel room.

Honestly, I don’t know if any of this is true because they story comes from someone in Kevin Federline’s camp but here are some highlights of the story:

Kevin Federline is demanding that his baby son Jayden James is blood-tested to see if hard-partying Britney is putting him at risk by breastfeeding.

When she was introduced to Mario, she giggled, ‘I’ve heard so much about you.’ Mario replied, ‘I hope it was good.’ With a wicked grin, Britney said, ‘Oh, yes, it was very good.’

The pair headed to Moon nightclub where they put on a show on the dance floor. Britney was drinking a lot (of course) and her dancing with Mario became more and more suggestive. The two of them put on quite a show for the other patrons.

Afterwards, K-Fed heard that Mario was going around saying that Britney cried at the oddest time (gross).

Kevin says that Britney threw out that Mario was ‘better’ than he was (duh!)

And he said he wouldn’t be surprised if Britney slept with someone she just met - because that’s exactly what happened when he met Britney. (way to label your soon-to-be ex-wife and mother of your two kids a whore)

If this is true Lopez didn’t waste time moving on. He was seen kissing and groping his “Dancing with the Stars” partner, Karina Smirnoff.

It turns out that rumor that the head of Scientology accompanied Tom and Katie on their honeymoon in the Maldives was untrue, because the Scientologists denied it and we should just take them at their word. Now there’s news that Tom and Katie are going to follow up their second wedding party with yet another honeymoon. Their first honeymoon on a tugboat yacht was cut short due to bad weather. This time they’re said to be going alone to Tahiti and leaving little Suri at home.

Tom & Katie are indeed planning a second honeymoon for the two of them only … Suri will stay with the family in the US as they head to a romantic & exotic location.
Rumor has it that the couple have booked a holiday in Tahiti, at the $15000 a night Le Taha’a Private Island and Spa.
Hmm … This will definitely be a real honeymoon!

I’m not sure this is true, because they were initially said to be going to Tahiti on their honeymoon, and only a few sources are reporting that they’re planning a second honeymoon there. They were in Tahiti back in February when Katie was pregnant.

Their stateside wedding party will take place this Saturday at the malibu estate of Tom’s business partner. Tom, Katie, Victoria Backham, J.Lo and Marc Anthony were seen out to dinner at a steakhouse last night in what looked like a second-wedding party rehearsal dinner. Pictures from Gossip Rocks.

Beyonce and Jay-Z are not getting married this weekend in a lavish ceremony on the island of Anguila, as we reported earlier. It was supposed to be a surprise ceremony to follow Jay-Z’a 37th birthday party, but the party is finished now and their reps say there’s not going to be a wedding:

The New York Post trumpeted on Tuesday that the star couple were bound for a “rap wedding” disguised as a 37th-birthday party. The paper said that after boarding “a yacht in St. Barts,” the guests “will also be ferried over to Anguilla for the wedding at Cap Juluca.”

The couple actually won’t be anywhere near Anguilla, our sources vouch. What’s more, they’re already back from the birthday party.

Here’s what really happened:

Monday night, right after Beyoncé walked the red carpet at the New York premiere of “Dreamgirls,” she shanghaied her unsuspecting rap-star boyfriend to an airport where she’d chartered two customized 757s. (One had a 20-seat movie theater.)

Waiting were about 20 of their closest friends, including Beyoncé’s Destiny’s Child sista Kelly Rowland and music and marketing honchos like Lyor Cohen, Steve Stoute and Kevin Lyles.

After an in-flight feast prepared by two chefs, the gang touched down in St. Martin, where everyone boarded a 270-foot yacht.

For the next two days, Jay and his friends did the biggest of pimpin’. Two helicopters were on standby, and the lobster and Champagne - Jay-Z’s own Ace of Spades vintage - flowed. There was swimming, snorkeling and even a four-man minisub to take guests on deep-sea explorations.

“The party must have cost $1 million a day,” estimates one source.

The revelers finally returned yesterday morning. Jay stopped off in Miami for the Art Basel fest, where he was said to be considering a $7 million painting.

That must have been some party. Everyone was speculating that Beyonce was motivated to have a wedding by the fact that she’s being upstaged by Jennifer Hudson’s role in their firlm “Dreamgirls.” Now it’s said that producers are gunning for Beyonce, not Hudson, to be nominated for an Oscar.

Meanwhile that document that we published from MediaTakeOut that claims that Beyonce is 32, not 25, seems to have been altered. Reader betsy found that another person on the list was born in 1981 according to Texas Birth Records, available online. We were able to verify online through an ancestry site that Beyonce is listed as being born in 1981, not 1974.

Header image is from this spring and was found at Haute Gossip.

Heather Mills can’t afford the nearly $30g a day that her fancy lawyers demand to represent her in her divorce proceedings against billionaire rocker Paul McCartney. Instead of writing an IOU or hiring a cheaper lawyer, she’s decided to represent herself in court some of the time. It seems like she could have found a more affordable fill-in lawyer instead of trying to go it alone, but she’s extreme and determined like that.

She’s also rather stupid. If she had a competent lawyer with her at all times she’d be more likely to get a decent settlement. The judge is probably going to give her less in the settlement after listening to her haughty sourpuss arguments. By saving thousands here she’s probably screwing herself out of millions. That sounds like the fiscal strategy of a lot of bosses I’ve worked for.

Heather Mills, the estranged wife of Sir Paul McCartney, has taken the unusual step of representing herself in the divorce battle with the former Beatle.

Ms Mills dispensed with barristers for an appearance at the High Court last week and on Wednesday during applications to keep Sir Paul out of her home and to gain access to his.

It is believed that Ms Mills, who has retained the services of London law firm Mishcon de Reya in the main divorce battle over money and custody of three-year-old daughter Beatrice, is trying to keep her legal costs down. Barristers can charge upwards of £15,000 a day.

Her final legal bill could already top £1 million, although she is likely to receive at least £20 million and as much as £100 million. Sir Paul has an estimated £825 million fortune.

When Ms Mills brought her own action in the High Court last week she was photographed clutching an A4 note pad containing scribbled notes. The notes formed the basis of her speech and were headed: “I’m seeking an order for occupation of the matrimonial home. The decision on her application to have Sir Paul, 64, kept out of her home in Hove, East Sussex, is expected soon.

Everyone and their brother is calling Mills a liar after she claimed that Paul abused her and was cruel to his ex-wife, Linda. Her own father said she’s a notorious liar and that it’s not true that Paul laid a finger on her. The latest person to hate on harpie Heather is Paul’s cousin.

Pictures found at Lainey’s gossip.

Wesley Snipes was arrested at the airport after coming home from filming in Namibia. He fell prey to a tax evasion scheme that claims that you can put all your earnings in a bogus “Constitutional Trust” to avoid tax liability. He was cited way back in 2002 for non-payment of taxes when he filed an amended return claiming zero income and asking for $7.4 million refund. He never learned his lesson and continued pulling that same stupid stunt.

Now he’s wanted for $12 million in taxes and is in federal custody:

TMZ has learned Wesley Snipes has been arrested and taken into custody by federal authorities.

The actor was arrested Friday morning after arriving at Orlando International Airport. Snipes said he was a scapegoat and unfairly targeted by prosecutors in connection with a federal tax fraud investigation.

Snipes had been shooting a movie in Namibia.

The “White Men Can’t Jump” star is accused of failing to pay nearly $12 million in taxes. Officials allege that Snipes fraudulently claimed refunds in 1996 and 1997, and then failed to file returns between 1999 and 2006.

In related celebrity tax evasion news, “Survivor” winner Richard Hatch was in court to appeal his conviction on tax evasion after he never paid taxes on the $1 million prize from the reality show. He claims producers told him they would take care of the taxes on his winnings after he busted them sneaking food to other participants in the show. He is currently in jail on a four year sentence.

Janet Charlton is ripping on Tori Spelling’s sense of style, as evidenced by these pictures supposedly from her house where she’s holding an estate sale this weekend. Tori has been selling her crap on eBay and now she’s getting rid of her posessions the old fashioned way with a yard sale.

It doesn’t look that bad to me. I mean it’s not my taste, but I wouldn’t think poorly of a friend with this stuff in their house and it looks well designed and comfortable. It’s that shabby chic french country style I guess. The china is really ugly, but she’s selling this stuff and she probably inherited it.

We just KNOW you’re going to want to drop everything and dash to Tori Spelling’s “Dazzling Hollywood Estate Sale ” at her Valley home this weekend. (11369 Dona Lisa Drive, Studio City) Ads promise sale items represent “fifteen years of buying and collecting.” But there’s something fishy here. First of all, since when does Tori live in middle class Studio City? And take a look at these photos of the roomsful of items for sale. Doilies everywhere! Plastic plants! Grandma style dishes! Not to mention used cosmetics - and don’t forget that fire extinguisher under the vanity. Granted, there’s an occasional picture of Tori propped up, but we’re not buying the notion of Tori Spelling lounging on white wicker furniture. Either this is someone else’s house, or Tori Spelling’s taste is MUCH worse than we suspected. Candy would be humiliated. Or maybe that’s the idea.

I’m betting it’s her house. It’s not bad at all, and I guess I’m kind of surprised that she hasn’t streamlined everything but I think it looks ok. She must be a collector like her mom.

Please vote for Celebitchy in the Weblog awards. Or vote for someone else like our BFF blogger friends Agent Bedhead. Just vote, and you can do it every day.

- Angelina Jolie gave Brad Pitt a tour of architectural legend Frank Llyod Wright’s Pennslyvania Fallingwater home for his upcoming birthday. [Just Jared]
- Scary pictures of TomKat, JLo, and Marc Anthony at Wil Smith’s movie premiere. Maybe Jada is easily influenced but Wil is not going to convert to the c0s anytime soon. [CelebWarship]
- Cult group “Landmark Education,” which fronts as a motivational seminar group, had a French documentary exposing it’s creepy tactics removed from Google Video, YouTube, The Internet Archive, and Daily Motion. [Cult News]
- Katie Holmes pregnant again? What? [Splash News Online]
- There might actually be a Friends reunion [Socialite's Life]
- Mischa Barton sang “Oops I did it again!” on the second day of Britney’s vag-flashing. Just a coincidence. [Egotastic]
- Santa has a little surprise for Mandy Moore [Mollygood]
- More pictures from Tori Spelling’s garage sale [DListed]
- This video is either really funny, really stupid or really weird, and it’s likely you’ll change your mind about it several times while you’re watching it. [Best Week Ever]
- Porn-friendly feminist Camille Paglia says Britney is like a backstreet floosie and is giving pro-sex feminism a bad name [US Weekly]
- Pete Doherty as a children’s morality tale [Agent Bedhead]
- Best Nintendo wii commercial [Chic Mommy]
- Now you can pay retail for all the overpriced crap the celebrities get for free. [Spank Cheeks]
- Lance Bass and Reichen are back together [Hollyscoop]
- Is Paris Hilton engaged or did she just pull out the old giant fake diamond again? [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Paris makes over a granny [Celebrity Puke]
- Lindsay Lohan used a butter knife to make those marks on her wrist. She can’t even do that right. [CityRag]
- Matthew McConaughey narrowly beat out Paris Hilton for top party animal [Junkiness]
- Jessica Simpson’s mom was embarassed by her flub at Dolly’s tribute gala in front of the president, and says Jessica should have shown up for rehearsal and learned the lyrics to the song [The Blemish]
- Papa Joe Simpson says Jessica will read your magazine in her next movie for just $10k. That’s a bargain he’s sure to pocket. [Celebslam]
- The B-52s are working on their first album in 15 years [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
- The better sex diet [Celeb-Diet]
- Renee Zellwegger looks thrilled to be promoting her film [ICYDK]
- Who looks better in this Vivienne Westwood dress: Nelly Furtado or Reese Witherspoon? [Faded Youth]
- Possible names for Mel Gibson’s new movie Radar Online]
- Mandy Moore and Wilmer Valderrama went out to dinner, but they’re just friends. honest [yeeeah]
- George Clooney buys rights to John Grisham book [Glitterati]
- Madonna’s Coat of Many Chinchillas Outrages PETA [Celebguru]

When trying to describe how far and wide the news of Danny Devito’s drunken appearance on The View travelled, Rosie O’Donnel parodied the Chinese language in a way that many people consider offensive:

Asian groups are calling her idiotic parody for what it is while Rosie’s rep is defending it:

“The use of the distorted phrases is insulting to the Chinese and Chinese-Americans, and gives the impression that they are a group that is substandard to English-speaking people,” says the Asian-American Journalists Association. But Rosie’s rep thinks they just don’t get it: “I certainly hope that one day they will be able to grasp her humor.”

Why she couldn’t have said something like “Even Chinese newspapers were reporting it?” This is the woman who claimed that Kelly Ripa was somehow being homophobic when she said she didn’t know where Clay Aiken’s hands had been after he pawed her mouth. She just doesn’t get it when she does something that’s more obviously offensive when it’s directed against another group. Maybe Rosie could have scrunched her mouth up to make her teeth look bucked and used her index fingers to make her eyes seem slanty while saying it.

Note that I am stating how I feel about it without calling her ignorant or anything. I learned my lesson on the Jennifer Hudson thing and I appreciate your comments. If someone has an opinion I will respect it as long as they state it respectfully, which Hudson sort of did. (That doesn’t mean I have to agree or whatever.) Rosie didn’t state her opinion respectfully, though, and no one else brought up the subject - she decided rip on another language in a dumb, pointless attempt to be funny.

I have a feeling half the people are going to tell me I’m stupid and should lighten up, and the other half are going to say I’m right. That’s kind of how these things work.

Maybe Rosie will have the sense to issue an apology on Monday. The ratings for The View are up 15% since Rosie joined this season, and if they weren’t always fighting and pulling stupid shit like this it’s doubtful that their audience would extend beyond the retired ladies in Boca.

No, I’m not talking about her latest single (although I definitely could be), but about her latest fashion/beauty project. Coty has enlisted Gwen Stefani to create a series of L.A.M.B. scents, the first of which will be released in fall 2007. Stefani says Eau de Gwen #1 will be “broad, classic, and timeless, but from there, I can get more specific with my next one.”

Somehow I completely trust Gwen’s ability to create fun, unique fragrances. She may get a bit weird with her musical endeavours, and have strange taste in hairstyles from time to time, but her L.A.M.B. line is always on point (check out this amazing dress to see what I mean.) If nothing else, we know her scents will come in cute bottles.