I may get some heat for saying this, and as a person who regularly believes and follows celebrity gossip, I’m not one to criticize someone else’s belief system, but isn’t it kind of dumb to say that your period cramps were relieved due to how the planets were aligned?

Teri Hatcher has stopped suffering from period cramps - because the planets are aligned in her favor.

The ‘Desperate Housewives’ actress is a keen believer in astrology and thinks her stars are the reason for the mysterious disappearance of her menstrual pains and current cheerful demeanour.

She told Britain’s New magazine: “I think I’m very lucky. I don’t think the planets have ever been so aligned for me in my life.

“They’re so aligned that I’ve been having periods and not even having cramps.”

On second thought, the source is a British rag that I’ve barely heard of, so chances are this was a fabricated quote. Damn, I was hoping to rip on Hatcher for crediting the planets with relieving her period cramps - even though I visit AstrologyZone to check my horoscope when I remember it - not every month or anything. (They did say I would have good luck in business right around the time we had that Britney crotch-baring boon, so there’s got to be something to it.)

Minnie Driver has the perfect accessories for a photo op at the beach - bikini, cell phone, and dog to play with. She must have called up a photographer friend and told them to help her out with some needed publicity. She’s ready to work and wants people to know she’s got a banging body. When my two year old son pretends to be talking on one of our cellphones, he grabs his stomach and laughs hysterically at the imagined person on the other end just like Minnie’s doing in that second pic.

According to IMDB, Driver is currently filming The Simpson’s Movie, where she will voice a to-be-named character, and has two movies in the can.

Minnie shopped mostly online for Christmas this year. She said she’s a novice at online shopping, and that she ordered gifts and had them wrapped and shipped to people. She also recommended that people give meaningful charity instead of the usual crap, and said she gave a camel for Christmas. You can give actual animals that will make a huge difference in a family’s life through Heifer International. We had an average Christmas with stuff ordered online that people don’t really need, but also continued our family tradition of giving gifts from Heifer too.

I’m not sure if these pictures are new or not, but I’m assuming they are. Let me know if you’ve seen them before. They were found at France-Vidcaps, where all the comments are in French, but from what I can tell no one is saying they’re old.

Kate Moss sure enjoys getting some sun on her boobs. She was last photographed topless while on vacation in Jamaica. Moss insists she’s single after a rumored New Year’s day commitment ceremony with her druggie boyfriend Pete Doherty. It’s likely that her publicist staged an intervention and told her to deny it, but there were too many details published for me to accept that it was just a rumor.

Kate is shilling for Burberry again in their 2007 spring ad campaign. The British label, known for its trademark khaki plaid, stood by Kate after her cocaine scandal in 2005. She’s more than come back from that daming videotape to become the world’s fourth highest paid model in 2005.

Pete and Kate might not have tied the knot in Phuket, (which is not pronounced the way we assumed) Thailand this holiday, but they did hole themselves up in their suite for two days, turning away cleaning staff and taking breaks from their lovefest to sip champagne.

Pictures from FlynetOnline.

In late September of last year MTV reality show star Bam Margera gave Howard Stern vague confirmation of his sex session with Jessica Simpson while she was still married to Nick Lachey. He said that they were drinking and it “went from there,” and that “she left at 8 in the morning.” He never denied sleeping with her, and said she had a great body at the time when he was asked.

Whether out of a need for more publicity or pressure from papa Joe, Margera is now recanting his claim in the latest issue of Penthouse Magazine. He claims his remarks were a joke or some shit and that he was just trying to give Howard Stern what he wanted.

If that’s true, why did it take him over three months to clear the air? Doesn’t he have a myspace?

In the February issue of Penthouse magazine, MTV Jackass Bam Margera tells celebrity interviewer Chaunce Hayden that he lied to Howard Stern when he said he had sex with Jessica Simpson!

When Hayden quizzed Bam about his comments on Stern regarding Simpson he replied:

“Everything is always misquoted. I never even said that [referring to having sex with Jessica Simpson]. I knew Howard [Stern] was going to pressure me into talking about it, and I dodged it as best I could.

But after an hour of the same question, you just have to make a comment to move the show along to a new topic. The comment was simply a pure joke turned into a serious quote. Total bullshit!

Chaunce Hayden: So, on the record, you never had sex with Jessica Simpson?

“Never. It was all a joke blown out of proportion. End of story.”

[via Pop on the Pop]

This rumor started way back in June, 2005 when Nick and Jessica were still married. Bam’s father Phil told a Philadelphia radio station that his son got with Jessica, and then Bam’s ex girlfriend called in to confirm the story. She said that Bam sent his friends an e-mail bragging about the encounter.

Maybe Jessica stayed over at Bam’s and nothing happened, but I doubt it.

Jessica is back to work after pissing off her dad by not taking a paid gig hosting a party on New Year’s eve. She was seen trying to look like she’s tripping on the red carpet while filming a Pizza Hut commercial. Simpson has been seen out with John Mayer several times in the past week, and he seems to be reluctantly accepting his role as her boyfriend. I don’t see those two lasting more than a few months.

Here are pictures of Jessica Simpson and John Mayer leaving Barneys on 12/30. Pictures found at TryJM via JJB.

Singer Kylie Minogue, who was named most inspirational celebrity of 2006 in a poll of British teenage girls, is currently playing in London and receiving rate reviews. She has seven shows scheduled in the British capital this year in a sold out tour that’s full of gorgeous costumes and scantily clad men.

Holy Moley, a British gossip newsletter that seems to make up a lot of shit wholesale, attributes Kylie’s wide-assed grin to medicinal marijuana, but I’m not so sure:

Smiley Kylie is back on top form and it appears she can’t wipe that grin off her bony chops. The reason? In remission, in love, in concert and consuming such large amounts of pot that she’d give Bob Marley a white-out if they went head to head in a competition.

[From the Holy Moley e-mail newsletter, 1/5/07]

The reason I’m not completely buying this claim that Kylie is smoking a lot of pot is because London’s Evening Standard just ran a story called “Kylie the Smiley Showgirl Returns” about her triumphant comeback tour after beating breast cancer. It’s not that much of a stretch to attribute her smiling to pot use. Holy Moley makes up a lot of gossip to get links, and I’m playing into it by even running this story, but I doubt it’s true.

Medical marijuana is legal in the most populated state in Kylie’s native Australia, New South Wales. Marijuana is said to help with the naseau of chemotherapy. Kylie completed her chemotherapy regimen in late 2005.

Kylie received a standing ovation before she even started performing on New Year’s Eve, bringing the singer to tears. She’s smiling a lot because she’s performing. With such a great reception, who can blame her?

In these pics of Kylie on stage her eyes do look a little drowsy, but that can probably be attributed to her makeup. Pictures from France-Vidcaps.

Daniel Craig can’t stand looking at Nicole Kidman. In fact, it’s so painful that he has stuck his fingers in his ears and is humming loudly to drown her out. The first Blonde Bond isn’t overly bright … but eventually switches to covering his attractively crinkled baby blues …which while distracting is rather more effective. Meanwhile, Kidman is happily responding to a question about whether the 38-year-old actor changed after landing his role as James Bond last year.

“Oh, completely,” deadpans Kidman, 39, who was with him, shooting one of their upcoming films, The Invasion of the Wrinkle Snatchers, when he got the call. “In 24 hours he became a diva,” she adds, with a nod toward the temporarily sightless Craig, who oddly continues to hum his tune as the pair sit in the cozy bar of a London photography studio, sharing a bottle of sparkling water, not that’s there anything wrong with that. But then Kidman breaks down and tells the truth: “Oh, he didn’t change at all,” she says in her haute-Aussie twang. “The thing about Daniel, and the reason I like working with him, is that he’s an actor’s actor. He has no access to Diva scrubs, exfoliating agents or even basic moisturizers. Look at the sate of that mug. Weathered we call it back home …and Australians know from weathered – its generations of freckled convicts frying in the noonday soon”

Of course, Craig has heard the whole thing due to his humming skills being complete rubbish and he seems far more alarmed by the compliment than by the faux insult. “How dare you!” he shouts, and they both giggle. An oddly blonde moment from two actors who are ever verging on the edge of ginger.

Other quotes from this month’s cover story:

Daniel on Nicole :”She turns me on… in the nicest possible way, you understand. Through heavily retouched photography.”

Nicole on Daniel: “In 24 hours, he became a diva — but still couldnt approach the smooth perfection of my epithelial layer”

“R Me in the M” by UrbanDK, has been edited for Celebitchy: for the complete story, pay attention to the powdery, oddly flat visage of your favorite females on your favorite mags.

Darryl Hannah is speaking out about a painful near-miss in her late teens when she got duped into travelling from LA to Las Vegas to supposedly model for an album cover. Hannah and another woman realized that they were going to be trapped in a sex slave ring and escaped out a window.

Now she’s campaigning for women that are tricked into travelling far from their homes under the guise of being nannies, teachers, and models. They become trapped in prostitution in foreign countries including America and cannot escape from their terrible situations as their passports and all their money are taken away:

Daryl Hannah narrowly avoided being sold as a sex slave in Las Vegas in the late 1970s and is now coming forward with her seedy secret to help others forced into prostitution. The actress, who has joined forces with international human rights groups to help free sex slaves, reveals she was studying theatre in Los Angeles when she leaped at the chance to model for an album cover in Sin City.

The 46-year-old told crime show America’s Most Wanted that she quickly realized the modeling trip was a scam and she was about to be forced into a sex-slave ring. Hannah told show host John Walsh she and another girl escaped out a window and fled back to Los Angeles, but she has always been haunted by the memory of how close she came to becoming forced into prostitution.

Hannah donned a wig to go undercover and film a documentary about sex slavery rings worldwide. She funded the project herself and put herself in grave danger with hidden cameras and microphones strapped to her body.

Hannah is an avid environmentalist, and has an online show about her efforts to bring awareness to environmental causes. [via ecorazzi]

This is the second story from The National Enquirer’s Mike Walker in which Patrick Dempsey stars at the hero of a supposed real-life medical drama, so take it for what it is. In October he was said to have saved a Grey’s Anatomy crewmember who was suffering from a blood clot by calling 911 after he noticed that the guy looked sick.

Supposedly some kids were engaging in a bizarre practice I’ve never heard of, in which they let the car roll while dancing beside or on it. (I doubted anyone would actually do this, but there’s a clip on YouTube so at least some idiot has tried it.) A kid predictably had his foot run over, and Depsey, who was randomly driving by and witnessed the dumbass scene, stayed with him and called 911.

Shocking moment for PATRICK DEMPSEY, who slowed down on a Hollywood street when he spotted teenagers playing that exciting new game, Ghost Riding the Whip – in which driver and passengers get out of a car while it’s still idling slowly down the street and dance beside it. Suddenly … YEEEOW!…one dancing punk got too close to the tires – and the car ran over his foot! The “Grey’s Anatomy” doc pulled over to help, and made a medical decision by calling 911…STAT! The teens were stunned to find Dr. McDreamy suddenly in their midst, but he told them he’s not a doctor – he just plays one on TV. He stayed with the kid until the ambulance arrived – and real medics diagnosed a broken foot.

If I saw this in a regular newspaper I might believe it, but since it’s the second hero story from Mike Walker about Patrick Dempsey I’m thinking it’s either fabricated PR or grossly exaggerated. How often do people pull this stupid Ghostriding the Whip stunt and have you guys ever heard of it before?

Haughty Dita Von Teese has enough fame on her own now and can get rid of the reason people paid attention to her these past few years. (Go ahead and tell me she’s great and all, I’ll take all your comments to heart and you’re sure to change my mind.) Page Six reports that Dita’s husband of one year, shock rocker Marilyn Manson, has been boozing and staying away from her and they haven’t communicated in some time. Dita is about to serve divorce papers to Manson while he’s recording and they claim she couldn’t get in touch with Manson to even warn him about it.

Page Six has learned that the pasty-faced Manson, whose real name is Brian Warner, will be served with divorce papers today at a Los Angeles recording studio where he’s working on his next album, with Von Teese citing “irreconcilable differences” in giving him the boot.

Sources say the raven-haired bombshell filed for the split right before Christmas, but Manson has been unaware of it because she couldn’t get in touch with him.

“He’s not been responsive,” a friend said. “She loved him so much, but he has too many demons. He can’t even communicate with her at this point. She tried to tell him she was divorcing him, but she can’t even get him on the phone. She moved out of the house and he hasn’t even noticed.”

Friends say Manson had been boozing heavily last year, much to Von Teese’s dismay, but she’d desperately tried to hold on. “She really tried to make this work,” the friend said.

Why does this not surprise me? Maybe he’s just sick of her and is drinking to forget about his mistake. Back in June I said that Dita and Marilyn weren’t going to last after reading her comments about how much better she was than other hardworking strippers.

Dita and Marilyn dated for seven years before getting married in December 2005. They have some cats and dogs but no children.

Britney Spears did some recording between bouts of partying and poon-baring these last few months, but her work was so lousy and her image so tarnished that she’s about to get dropped by her record label. Some other label or distributor will surely pick it up, but this is very bad news for Britney. The best quote is from the supposed insider who says “Like the rest of us, Jive is done with Britney.” Indeed

But sources tell us Spears faces imminent axing by her music label, Jive Records, which is “going to drop her any day now.” That word follows our colleague Cindy Adams’ report on Wednesday that Jive execs have decided “to drop [the album] - and her.” Spears spent hours in Jive’s New York studios last month, but produced sub-par tracks. In addition, her hard-partying ways have damaged her image. Spears’ manager, Larry Rudolf, insisted yesterday that she’d revamp her image and continue to record, citing her “rocky period” as an excuse for her “unacceptable” behavior. But insiders believe the album will never hit shelves. “Like the rest of us,” said the source, “Jive is done with Britney Spears.” A rep for Jive denied all, saying, “Jive’s relationship with Britney is fine. She continues to be one of our biggest worldwide artists and we remain 1,000 percent committed to her career.”

We’ll see in the next week or so if this news is accurate, but I don’t doubt it.

True to form, Britney was back partying in LA following her very brief stay at an Arizona spa. It looks like Britney couldn’t follow advice and take a much-needed PR and emotional rest. In October she called listening to advice her biggest mistake, showing how very out of touch and up her own ass she is.

The NY Post says that 70 year-old former catwoman Julie Newmar looks better than 25 year-old Britney, who they called puffy and bloated. Britney kept saying “I love myself” over and over again as she left a club, proving that science is right and celebrities are narcissistic fools.

Socialite’s Life has pictures of Britney out recently looking really old and tired.