Twice the Lesbian of your average original six foot designer Kimillionairre … and at quadruple the price … and covered in bling. And Yes Virginia she will still ‘Beat a Bitch’s Ass’ … but sometimes that’s hot

Kimora Lee Simmons went lip-to-lip with a gorgeous blond woman at Cipriani Upstairs Thursday.

The mystery kisser, who’d been hanging with Simmons at her table all evening, got up on the bar for a dirty dance as the 6-foot stunner shimmied in front of her. Blondie then gave Simmons an eyebrow-raising smooch. A rep for the Baby Phat designer, who was no doubt excited about her show at the tents the next day, says it was “a friendly kiss hello to a party guest.”

Via Jossip

No matter the observable hijinx - PR flacks are on hand to spin down the Ari Fleisher flavored foolishness. Just stare you blatantly in your face and lie like a dog by a fireplace.

Impressive in a day where the PR BS bar had already been hoisted so high by Celebitchy favorite PR flack Sara Forage - who started our celebitchy day claiming that Jade Jagger simply didn’t recall drunkenly hopping all over Virgin first class with fat and filthy friends in tow. She drinks ’cause flying makes her nervous was the best they came up with. Amateur Hour I tell you … Kimora and her PR folks beat that bitch’s ass … she will see your pint of denial and raise you a gallon of her own – with high baby ‘beat a bitch down’ phat content.

Who needs a show in the tents when you got the Cipriani All Girl Revue. No wonder Russell hasn’t pursued that divorce … he’s lucky — the little wizened midget — and should thank the Gods of Olympus and Kimoristan for gifting him a crazed Amazon lip locker to share his McMansion.

My husband and I have have been enjoying Germany’s version of Idol, Deutschland sucht den Superstar, and I was struck by how much this one chick, 18 year-old Lisa Bund, looks like Kelly Clarkson. She can sing too.

Drama on this year’s season of DSDS includes a candidate, Nico, who tearfully reveals he’s got narcolepsy when he’s cut from the competition, and a smoldering orphan with ice-blue eyes, Christian, who leaves on his own accord to spend more time with his wife and infant daughter.

There’s also a water-spraying incident by a guy who calls himself “Mr. Love” that’s suspiciously similar to something that went down on American Idol two years ago. Judge Dieter Bohlen uses the word “scheisse” several times while describing the guy’s performance, which is predictably German for “shit.”

And a woman shaking her tits singing about her pretty hair that’s so fun I couldn’t resist. Overall there’s a lot more T&A on Germany’s Idol, including kids stripping and showing their butts, but we get softcore stuff here on weekend nights, so that’s not surprising.

You don’t have to understand German to get a kick out of the highlights from Germany’s version of Idol. Just like on the American version, there are plenty of unattractive clueless people who can’t sing. (Link leads to video) Do a search on DSDS on YouTube for more.

Katie Holmes showed her new Stepford face all over Miami this weekend, heading to a pre Super Bowl party on Saturday where Scientology-friendly J.Lo and Marc Anthony performed, and going out to a club with Tom afterwards. Tom’s sister and son Conner were at the show too. The party at the club was hosted by Creative Artists Agency, so Katie and Tom’s appearance was probably for professional reasons also.

Katie is represented by Creative Artists Agency, and made a visit to their offices recently. Commentor CountryBabe notes that she probably only has so long before they drop her if she isn’t getting work. According to IMDB she has nothing in the works, and her last appearance was in 2005’s Thank you for Smoking. Maybe Tom will cook something up for her to appear in.

Katie recently said that she loves calling Tom her husband and that “I was in love from the moment I shook his hand for the first time.”

From the looks of these pictures of Tom clinging to her while Katie has a faraway look in her eye, it seems like some of that starstruck puppy love has faded, but the plastic surgery and Barneys perks must make it worth her while.

Pictures from KatieHolmes.com

- Jennifer Aniston changed her nose, you think she could get a new hairstyle [DListed]
- Trump’s super premium Valentine’s hard candy [Gallery of the Absurd]
- Lindsay Lohan may be in rehab, but she’s still going out clubbing with Paris Hilton [Egotastic]
- Imagine the most boring chick flick ever. Then multiply that by at least two. That pretty much sums up Because I Said So [Pajiba]
- Jessica Simpson’s new orange tranny look [IDLYITW]
- Beyonce makes her back up dancers pay for their own flights to rehearsals on both coasts [CelebWarship]
- Kylie Minogue’s very recent ex, Oliver Martinez is shacking up with Penelope Cruz. Wait, I thought he was straight. [Socialite’s Life]
- George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley are going to reunite for Wham II [Agent Bedhead]
- Justin Timberlake was high when he got Punk’d and thought he’d lose his dogs to the IRS [PopSugar]
- Mariah Carey, much like President Bush is still invoking 9/11 to explain everything [Mollygood]
- Jessica Simpson said it hurt her to see that Nick had moved on, but of course all that cheating she did while they were still married doesn’t matter [Evil Beet]
- Best Superbowl commercials: first quarter [CelebSlam]
- Zooey Deschanel looks like the Clockwork Orange guy [I’m Not Obsessed]
- Drew Barrymore needs to visit the Prescriptives counter [ICYDK]
- Art by Gavin Strange [The Grumpiest]
- Sexpresso figured out a way to stand out as a coffee shop in Seattle: babes in lingerie serving lattes [Right Pundits]
- Mischa Barton is still dressing fug [Bastardly]
- Ryan O’Neal says his son attacked him first before he shot off that gun [The Bosh]
- Jonathan Rhys Meyers is Henry VIII [Oh La La Paris]
- More Gisele Bundchen bikini pictures [Derek Hail]
- Jenny McCarthy nip slip [yeeeah]
- Fergie flashes her undies [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
- Alyssa Milano bikini pictures [Hollywood Tuna]
- Gisele Bundchen bikini pictures [Derek Hail]
- Young girl gets bikini wax from her soon-to-be mother in-law and sister in-law [Best Week Ever]
- Celebrity Fashion trademarks [CityRag]
- Christina Ricci in Italian Vogue [popbytes]
- Andy Dick groped Ivanka Trump [The Blemish]
- Britney Spears is a mess [Pop on the Pop]
- Ryan Reynolds is single [Just Jared]
- Paris Hilton flashed her boobs in exchange for seeing Ron Jeremy’s penis [CelebNewsWire]

Proving that there still are people stupid enough, or maybe realistic enough, to doom their showbiz relationships by appearing in MTV reality shows featuring such, Bam Margera and his new wife have let camera film the events leading up to their wedding for a series called Bam’s Unholy Union. The first episode aired on Friday and they were married this Saturday:

Bam Margera professional skateboarder, MTV star and amateur prankster, just earned himself another title: husband. Margera, 27, who became a punk hero on the shows “Jackass” and “Viva La Bam,” married childhood friend Missy Rothstein, 26, in downtown Philadelphia on Saturday.

The couple wed in front of about 350 friends and family members and an MTV crew.

Margera is making his path to marriage into a nine-part reality television series called “Bam’s Unholy Union.” The wedding itself will be shown in the final episode in early April.

The festivities included a performance by rocker Iggy Pop, as well as appearances by skateboard legend Tony Hawk and James Iha, formerly of the alternative rock band Smashing Pumpkins.

Known for his role on Jackass and a follow-up MTV reality series in which he tortures his family inventively, professional skateboarder Margera might not be swift or self-aware enough to wave off the cash for opening up his new marriage to the harsh light of reality TV.

Bam, 27, was engaged to Jenn Rivell, a 33-year-old single mom, until 2005, when their relationship ended amid accusations of his infidelity with Jessica Simpson on the set of The Dukes of Hazzard. Rivell called into a radio station with the story about Margera bragging in an e-mail that he bedded the then-married Simpson, which he denied, then admitted, then denied again.

Margera has known his new wife since they were in grade school together, and rumor has it that he cheated on Rivell with her, too. They are honeymooning in Dubai.

Pictures from MTV.com

Proving once again that the Superbowl heals all wounds, cures all ills and brings us as a divided nation together again. The Letterman and The Oprah snuggled up on a sofa to let the love flow during that game of games.

Planet Gossip has the skinny:

If you haven’t heard or seen it by now, the two popped up during a break early in the game. Letterman, an Indianapolis native, wore a Colts jersey while snuggling on a couch with Winfrey, who was in a Chicago Bears jersey. “You want the Bears, and I want the Colts, but we both win because we’re in love,” Letterman, with a mouthful of food, says. Winfrey then says, “Honey, don’t talk with your mouth full.”

The long-standing feud dates back to a Pleiestocene Epoch Time magazine interview. Oprah said she wasn’t ever going back on Letterman’s show as previous interviews left her feeling like “the butt of the joke.” To his credit Dave refrained from a slew of big butt jokes, but spent years, literally years, asking Oprah to c’mon on home to Late Night and let the healing begin …The O.P. was not having it and a regal silence ensued. The Queen was not amused. The O.P silence lasted longer than O.C the series. Just ask Mischa Barton who was I think was born and grew to skinny womanhood during this era of silent D’Oprah.

There have been cracks in the glacial freeze before including even brief appearances on Letterman’s show complete with awkward unconvincing public hugs. None have ever been so heartwarming as the two finally spending quality couch time with the nation.

Yes like children of Divorce we have learned to take our closure where we can find it … Mom and Dad aren’t ever getting back together, but if they can make nice at graduation … well that aint nothing. The healing has begun …and that’s just as D’Oprah as it gets.

Michelle Williams was seen in the front row of the Sari Gueron Fashion Show hiding her left hand while she was being photographed. You can still see a hint of the wedding/engagement ring she was spotted out with earlier, sparking rumors that she had married her boyfriend and father of her child, Heath Ledger.

One thing that really strikes me is that her face looks much different. Her eyes, cheeks and nose look different. She had her fansites shut down for some reason (I love when people think they can control the Internet) so it’s harder to find older comparison shots of her, like it takes a few more seconds. There’s uh, speculation that she had a nose job a few years ago, and it’s possible she had something done recently, but it could just be the lighting. Yeah, right. Is this even the same person?

Pictures from Egotastic and Gossip Rocks.

The endless dithery charm of Hugh Grant came to an abrupt undithery end yesterday morning. He is doing the early rounds promoting his new RomCom flick with Drew Barrymore Music and Lyrics. The Sun reports:

The star was on the BBC1’s breakfast show when presenter Kate Silverton asked him whether he would be getting hitched to wealthy girlfriend Jemima Khan, 33.
But the Four Weddings And A Funeral hunk, 46, angrily replied: “I can’t believe you asked me that. This is supposed to be a classy show, surely? I’m ashamed of you.”
When the interview ended he walked off the set muttering.

Lets admit – before we go any further — that walking off muttering is a complete and exhaustive description of every screen performance Hugh Grant has ever given .

Now let’s examine the reasons for the loss of temper. Could it be:

a) That his new girlfriend, Jemima Khan, the worlds best known Muslim divorcee, looks very like an unsuccessful Babs Streisand imitator who’s slapped on too much makeup … even for the dim lighting at her weekly Sunday gig hosting Gay Bingo in Brixton .

b) His far more presentable ex-girlfriend Liz Hurley is inches away from tidying up her post-Hugh life by marrying a far wealthier new glamorously Indo-German boyfriend. Insult to Injury - the Hugh replacement does not too bad a job at Grantesque 1980s floppy hair … a fast disappearing skill since Flock of Seagulls disbanded.

c) His Drew Barrymore co-starrer sounds like a total re-tread of his character in About a Boy. The story of the son of a washed-up song writer who can’t do much else. As if the pitch was “Its like Hugh Grant’s last decent movie –excepot he’s his own dad … with Drew Barrymore thrown in to make him seem less old. – We’ll keep the floppy hair though – same reason.”

You do not need to know one word of German to thoroughly enjoy these clips from Deutschland sucht den Superstar. Bad singing and false pride are universal.

Andreas, “Everything I Do.”

Caroline, I don’t know what she’s signing, but she sure is scary

“Hot Stuff” Dennis

Nadine, “My Heart Will Go On”

Nicole, I have no idea what she’s singing

And here are two people who sort-of sing well and get denied:

This chick is from last season, but it’s precious how she gets all offended and tells the judge she can sing better than he can:

If you are an obscenely good-looking Frenchman desperate for the UK press to take you to bits as they run out of Big Brother scandal … just follow the Olivier Martinez playbook.

Flaunting your freedom from your recently dumped, much-beloved, cancer-recovering, gold-lame-shorts wearing, excellently-bottomed girlfriend turns out to be a near perfect plan for bad press. And surprise surprise the British tabloid press don’t bother much with substance behind their accusations. Luckily their Commonwealth cousins (and original supplier for all things Kylie) are a tad more circumspect in their analysis of the material. Maybe when Minogue is your homegirl you can give the ex a bit more leeway … or maybe its just not having France a mere Chunnel away … Entertainment Australia sounds this balanced note

KYLIE Minogue’s ex-boyfriend, Olivier Martinez, has been spotted in the arms of yet another woman, this time it’s actress Penelope Cruz.
Britain’s Daily Mirror made a meal of photographs showing the French actor in an embrace with the Hollywood star at a Los Angeles hotel 12 hours after ending his four-year relationship with Minogue.

But the pictures, carried on the paper’s front page with the headline “Kylie Cad Cruz Schmooze” and in a double-page spread, only show Martinez and Cruz sharing what appears to be a friendly hug.

The status of his Cruz huggin’ aside reports do seem to agree that the (up till this weekend) admirably supportive Martinez is wasting no time sampling L.A.s charms now that he is officially off the clock. His haste may be a bit unseemly … but if you add in the time difference, hemisphere switch and a Gallic presumption of joie de vivre rights - he comes out just the safe side of cad.

Cruz, who was at the Chateau Marmont hotel for lunch with three female friends, reportedly shrieked with delight when she saw Martinez.

An unnamed source criticised the Frenchman for being so brazen after he and Minogue announced their split at the weekend.

“Does he really have to rub Kylie’s nose in it?”, the source said.

Martinez has been seen at the same hotel in recent days with Israeli model Sarai Givati, Lost star Michelle Rodriguez and a mystery brunette.

It apparently takes a whole lotta brunette to Wash that Kylie Woman right oughtta your hair.

Kylie seems to be taking it all in her stride. She’s in the UK opening an exhibition at the Victoria and Albert Museum of her very own costumes, glittery bobs, sparkly bangles and shiny beads. Wonder who she’ll take to the opening? I suggest a red-head … maybe Prince Harry is done with Chelsy.

Update: Jocelyn at ICDK let me know that the header pic is not of Oliver Martinez, it’s just a random hot guy that came up in my Google image search on his name. Here is a composite image that she made of the two, which includes the real Oliver, who is equally hot with his shirt off I’m sure: