The amusing evil that is the 3am Girls at The Daily Mirror add some catchy lyrics to the ho-hum music of Hugh Grant’s love life

HUGH Grant’s roving eye has sparked another public spat with Jemima Khan - their second in as many weeks. While Hugh schmoozed the ladies at the post-premiere party of his latest film, Music And Lyrics, on Monday night, his girlfriend of three years was left alone and stony-faced sitting in the corner.

Now stony faced is really one of the better looks on Jemima Khan, whose face is not really her best asset. She occupies that odd rarefied position of the resident hugely horse-faced British IT girl — of some years standing with no discernible talent, charm or accomplishment. Jemima does possess a posh background, money, and has one interesting marriage to a cricket star behind her: this somehow equals tabloid glamour in the UK.

The last few years she has been working as the monogamy placeholder for Hugh Grant … the sort of post-Hurley girly that he walks around while getting up to all sorts of mischief in his doddering confirmed bachelor way

At one point, 46-year-old Hugh was overheard saying: “I can’t kiss too many more women tonight as I’ve already had a row with Jemima!” Oops…

Not that surprising when you realize their last public row was when he took her out on a tour of his old Divine Brown haunts. Almost like he’s asking for trouble … or the Universe is delivering it free of charge … surely he should be permanently avoiding Sunset Boulevard

This isn’t the only time the couple have fallen out in public. Last month, Hugh yelled at Jemima after they were left stranded on LA’s Sunset Boulevard - the very spot where he picked up hooker Divine Brown - because their car didn’t turn up after lunch.

And just last week, guests at Jemima’s 33rd birthday party at The George in Mayfair were astounded to hear Hugh accuse her of being a “dictator” and a nag - after Jemima had made a joke about him being a commitment-phobe.

Given that he blew up on a talk show yesterday when the “When you gonna marry Jemima” Question was asked …doesnt seem like she was wrong … doesnt seem like she should hang around much longer. Why the long face Jemima … is it Hugh or were you just born that way.

images via Sydney Morning Herald and Sky.com

Will Smith’s … not running for President yet

Will Smith - recently rumored to have replaced crazy couch bouncer Cruise as Mr. Number One Box Office – may be headed for the ultimate Number One in the Free World– at least according to the slightly confused American Association of Retired People demographic.

Will Smith spoke today at the Motion Picture Association of America in Washington D.C. Mr. Smith told the crowd a hilarious story.

It happened this morning on his way to the event. An older couple approached Smith and said, “We love what you’re doing. You’re so great for the country!” In true Hollywood fashion, Smith said, “Thank you!”

As the star walked away, the old man said, “And we’ll be sure to vote for you.”

(via TMZ)

And he’s not even Barack Obama! What a punch line. That is a hilarious story … old people are a hoot - what with their bad eyesight and race confusion. It’s a knee slapper. Ouch my knee … what with all the slapping.

Come to think of it, Will did express a desire to run for president not that long ago. It was when he was on his ’I am the Greatest’ high - right after shooting Ali. Jada supported the idea. The crazy couch apparently has room for any number of Box Office Stars. Here’s the old quote from USA Weekend:

“I feel like I could be the president of the United States. I really do. … Education has to be the priority. Every other problem we have is based on a lack of education in whatever field. It is not as instant a solution as pouring more money into it, but I feel the greatness of any society is based upon the depth of the scholars. …

“That’s the ultimate rule: The smartest guy wins.”

I can’t see any proof for this thesis of presidential fitness … do we have the smartest guy now … will we have the smartest guy when Will Smith runs or is the smartest guy Barack Obama for hitching his presidential wagon to such a winner as the Fresh Prince of Happyness? Is it smartest to spell happyness with a Y? I’m still a few years away from retirement, but I’m starting to get confused myself.

Pictures via xhollywood and Senator Obama’s Office

Swiss watch maker Raymond Weil paid Charlize Theron a whopping $20 million to represent their exclusive diamond-studded watches worth $7k and up. Charlize’s three year contract as the face of Dior J’Adore perfume is said to be worth less than a third of that at a speculated $6 million. (Although one report has it at just $3 to $5 million.) Weil is suing Theron for breach of contract after she was seen wearing a Dior watch in a perfume ad, at the SXSW film festival last spring, and in an ad for an AIDS charity. The Dior watch she wore also had diamonds on it, and Weil’s attorney says she’s making them look like dupes in the industry:

The suit by Raymond Weil accuses the Oscar-winning star of “Monster” of two-timing the company by wearing a Christian Dior watch in public - a strict no-no in her $20 million deal.

“If you’re the model for Ralph Lauren, you can’t show up wearing Gucci at the Academy Awards,” said David Jaroslawicz, an attorney for the watchmaker. “She undercut our entire ad campaign.”

The South African stunner signed on as the face of a multimillion-dollar ad campaign in October 2005, allegedly agreeing to wear only Raymond Weil watches in public.

As an “international ambassador” for the company, Theron touted the limited edition line of diamond-covered Shine watches, which sell for $7,000 and have straps made of gold or alligator skin.

But Theron ticked off her sponsors when she turned up in a Tourneau catalogue wearing a diamond-encrusted watch over the words, “Charlize Theron wears Dior.” She also had been photographed at a Texas film festival last March allegedly wearing a Dior watch.

“We spent a fortune on an ad campaign centered around her,” Jaroslawicz said. “Then she goes off and makes us look silly in the industry by wearing Dior.”

If someone gave me a watch worth a few thousand dollars I would forsake it for all others, even if I didn’t like the style. Theron got a deal that paid 3-4 times the amount she was getting paid to rep Dior, so you think she could remember to put on the right watch when she appears in public. She hasn’t been in many blockbusers, so this is where her bread and gilded butter come from and it’s gotta hurt to be hit a lawsuit by her biggest sponsor.

Theron is not even supposed to wear jewelry that isn’t Weil approved. It does look like she was moderately careful about it, though, as I searched for those ads for Dior where she’s wearing a watch and couldn’t find them. She usually didn’t have any jewelry on in the Dior ads apart from holding up the perfume bottle like an earring. She was seen wearing jewelry which she discards like so much garbage in the commercial, though, which is below.

Theron is probably more friendly and in touch with the Dior people, which may explain the watch oversight. She went with Dior designer John Galliano to the Costume Institute Gala last spring, and he is responsible for her poofy monstrosity of an Oscar dress.

Jessica Simpson also forgot her duties as a brand representative for jeans, and is being sued for a whopping $100 million by Tarrant Apparrel for not wearing the jeans named after her and plugging the brand “True Religion” when asked in an interview what her favorite jeans were.

Note: I will be on vacation Thursday and Friday and have prepared some articles ahead of time. UrbanDK will be in charge and will cover current news stories. I apologize if I haven’t been “on” as much as usual these past couple of days, I’m working hard to get ready for the trip and keep the gossip flowing.

Lindsay Lohan’s rehab stay has been all over the press. It’s a good thing she’s at least trying it but I wonder if there is a place for mothers of celebrities like LL?

It’s my opinion that Lindsay’s mom Dina needs a long stay in place for really bad mothers. I know that sounds harsh but pick up a magazine or turn on the TV and you’ll see why I feel this way.
For example, she visited her daughter in rehab with the TV crews!

Dina Lohan brought camera crews from Entertainment Tonight and The Insider with she visited Lindsay recently. That is just sad. I am sure was the publicist’s idea but she’s Lindsay’s mom!

If there is such a place for “celebrity mother rehab” Dina could probably get a double-room with a number of other moms in Hollywood. Dina Lohan is not the first mom to be like this and she won’t be the last. You just have to hope LL has some good friends and counselors. With a mom like Dina for support, it’s a long road to recovery.

Ryan Phillippe is not only a cheater…he’s a liar.

I believe that men who dump their wives and leave their kids are jerks. I am sure there are reasons. But most of the time there is one reason and her name is Tawny.

It really makes my WT blood boil when guys like this try to put on a “nice guy” front and act like victims. If you want to be a creep and abandon your responsibility, then just do it. But don’t come back after the fact and act like it was something out of your control.
Ryan Phillippe is trying to “spin” his version of his impending divorce by going on TV’s Extra this week.

In the interview with TV’s Extra, airing this week, Phillippe says, “This is the most difficult time in my life. It’s unfortunate when you have kids … but I signed up for this and have to deal with it. I don’t read the magazines or watch the shows. … It’s hard when people follow me to my kid’s school.”

Gag me. He probably doesn’t mention that he brought this on himself by cheating on his wife. I am going to be very interested to see his whining interview on the Extra.

It looks like he’s also been making the rounds of some of the magazines, he also talked to TEEN PEOPLE about this difficult life. Gag me with a chainsaw. What a great role model for teen girls! Marry a great guy like Ryan!

Reece Witherspoon is darling. I hope she moves on to a nice guy.

She is still the most ghetto, kick-ass, take-no-prisoners cause she is the whole damn prison herself — starlet out there.

Michelle Rodriguez made her prison release ankle braclet the fashion accessory of the season. Who cares whats walking down the runway when ChelleRo is kicking her heels up with court imposed chunky anklets . ChelleRo … biggin it up Death Row style!

Fametastic reports

Lost’s Michelle Rodriguez almost stole the show at Marc Jacobs’ Fashion Week showcase on Monday night when she turned up with her court-imposed ankle bracelet on full view. Michelle still has to wear the anklet for another 20 days after being arrested for a DUI offence last year.

And she has to wear it ’cause she said ”Hell No” to community service. No orange jumpsuitin’, Boy George trash pickin’ uppin’, I’m sorry I’m a reckless drunk driver all over Hawaii for ChelleRo. She’s just like ”Do these pumps go with my sentence?”

She explained to reporters: “It registers your sweat glands for alcohol content.” Michelle is clearly not a fan of the monitoring: she’d scribbled ‘Orwell’ and ‘1984′ on the sides of it.

Don’t give a damn and she feels persecuted. That’s a ChelleRo Cake and Eat It Too Party. She’s like a La Raza Libertarian Rock Star. Although a bad example for the kids.

Hey Kids: Celebitchy says Be Cool Stay in School … Don’t Drink and Drive … but do upstage Marc Jacobs’ entire show if you ever can. He’s old and dates hustlers … he has it coming.

images via Hollywood Celeb Pictures and Fametastic

There are three really rather skeevy pictures of Whitestarr singer Cisco Adler’s giant balls in the contents of Paris’ storage locker that were posted on ParisExposed before it was shut down by popularity and judicial order. In one, Cisco is holding a big bottle of rum and a joint and posing with a do not disturb sign hanging off his manhood. Perez Hilton posted the pictures on his super popular blog without mentioning the source because he’s all up Paris’ skirt and didn’t want to hurt her widdle feelings. (You can also see the main one on IDLYITW.) After that everyone pretty much knew how grotesquely Cisco was hung and how proud he must be of it to routinely pose for pictures for “friends” without his skivvies.

Former O.C. star Mischa Barton is Cisco’s on-again longterm girlfriend, and she is said to have ended it after the scandal of Cisco’s elephantitis hit the Internets:

A source tells Us Weekly the pair parted ways after nude photos of Adler, 28, surfaced on the Web.

This NSFW pic of Adler hanging loose, which turned up among Paris Hilton’s possessions when the contents of the heiress’ unpaid storage locker were posted online at parisexposed.com (the site was later shut down).

Says a source, “They had a blowup. She was furious.”

Barton’s rep had no comment, and Adler’s could not be reached.

The former O.C. actress has been dating the rocker since August 2005

If there’s enough demand I’ll post the incriminating pictures here, because I have one really gorgeous one of Cisco showing his sack to a bemused man on the street that I haven’t seen up yet. I had a whole post on it at one point, but just decided to scrap it as there really is a difference between male and female nudity when you’re looking at a scrotum like that.

Good for Mischa for dumping this guy already, but really what took her so long?

This is the first breakup caused by Paris Exposed. The scandal over Paris’ use of racist and anti-gay epithets while her sister looked on might cost Nicky Hilton a business deal with the real estate developer behind her Nicky O. Miami hotel, which has been delayed by a bunch of other issues including Nicky stiffing the interior designer.

Here are a couple of non-skeevy pics of Adler from Paris’ storage locker:

I am headed out to Spain tomorrow for a trip with my family. UrbanDK will be covering the current news, and I’ve set up some stories ahead of time for him to publish for me. I’ll see you guys on Monday.

- Is Angelina Jolie anorexic or just plain skinny? [popbytes]
- Nicole Richie is scared she’ll have to go to jail [PopSugar]
- Isaac Cohen dumped Britney’s ass and would rather hang out with his friends than get everything for free and have to deal with her drama [IDLYITW]
- Is Britney into lesbian orgies? [Egotastic]
- The Messengers is not that bad, but not that scary either [Pajiba]
- Drew Barrymore hooked up with Zach Braff? [CelebWarship]
- What the hell is Lohan wearing? [Gabsmash]
- Joaquin Phoenix campaigns for a Department of Peace. It would be a lot cheaper than war, that’s for sure. [Socialite's Life]
- Will someone please think of the children? [Mollygood]
- Someone raided a girl’s myspace and submitted her for Bastardly lady of the day [Bastardly]
- Teri Hatcher had lunch with George Bush Sr. [DListed]
- Heather Mills got dumped by PETA [ecorazzi]
- Most women would give up sex for nearly a year and a half in exchange for a whole new wardrobe [ICYDK]
- Russell Crowe and his son look a lot alike. That kid is going to have problems. [Celebrity Baby Scoop]
- Howard K Stern denies involvement in Daniel Smith’s death. [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Mariah Carey hates J.Lo [CelebSlam]
- That Tila Tequila chick says Jared Leto better kiss her ass, because she’s not just a booty call, at least I think that’s what she’s saying. [Agent Bedhead]
- Dita Von Teese starves herself and brags about it [The Blemish]

Angelina and Brad have sparked speculation that they’re planning a move to Europe by purchasing a luxury apartment in the former East Berlin:

The couple has been regular visitors to the German capital and have now taken ownership of a luxury 6,500 square-foot attic flat in what used to be East Berlin, according to the German edition of Vanity Fair.

The star - who already has homes in the U.S. and an apartment in Paris, France, with Pitt - wants her adopted children Maddox and Zahara and her biological daughter Shiloh to grow up outside the Hollywood bubble.

Pitt is good friends with German architects Lars Krueckeberg, Wolfram Putz and Thomas Willemeit, who designed his house in Los Angeles.

When Brad and Angelina were in Berlin last spring the paparazzi got some shots as usual, but there didn’t seem to be as many close photos as when they were in Paris. They just bought a home from the 1830s in the French Quarter in New Orleans. It seems like they’re snatching up decoy homes so they can remain a step or two ahead of the paparazzi. Of course collecting and fixing up homes is one of Pitt’s hobbies, so maybe he just wanted a new place to work on.

I’m not that great with the metric system yet, so my husband put Angelina and Brad’s new place into perspective for me: it’s 6 times the size of our 2.5 bedroom apartment, which I find decently spacious.

We love Berlin and go there about twice a year. It’s a great city and Angelina and Brad are sure to find plenty to do there if they actually decide to live in that huge place they bought.