- The National Enquirer ran a Photoshopped picture of Anna Nicole as a corpse in a body bag and claimed to have “Anna’s last photo.” They put a disclaimer in small print at the bottom of the page that the corpse picture was a “photo re-creation.” [I’m Not Obsessed]
- And The Enquirer claims that pneumonia masked by drugs is what killed Anna. [Seriously? OMG! WTF!]
- Pete Doherty is moving in with Kate Moss [Agent Bedhead]
- And Pete tried to get some penguins high at the zoo by throwing a joint into their habitat [DListed]
- Antonella Barba gets to stay on American Idol. Unfortunately she’ll get to stay a lot longer than she would if we didn’t see those pictures [IDLYITW]
- Victoria Beckham went blonde, but she still has the same heaving balloon boobs [Hollywood Tuna]
- Pictures of Britney poolside in a wig, beret and borrowed bikini right before she went to rehab make her look surprisingly normal [Egotastic]
- Courtney Love stole a dress from Karl Lagerfeld and wore it to Paris Hilton’s birthday party [CelebWarship]
- Too much hotness at once: the Victoria’s Secret models including Karolina Kurkova and Alessandra Ambrosia [Bastardly]
- Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Aniston talked about the surgeon who did both of their nose jobs [Socialite’s Life]
- Beyonce may have contracted hepatitis, because she’s the only one of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit models who was likely to eat the tainted food at their party [WWTDD]
- Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson bicycling together in Australia [PopSugar]
- All the drugs from the Paris Exposed website photos [CityRag]
- Are Nicole Richie and Joel Madden going to get engaged? [Derek Hail]
- Has Jennifer Love Hewitt lost weight? [The Skinny Website]
- Did Brad Pitt send Jennifer Aniston a birthday card and did Angelina freak out when she found out? [popbytes]
- Gwyneth Paltrow and Moses [Celebrity Baby Scoop]
- Jenna Elfman is going to have twins [Celebrity Baby Blog]
- Pamela Anderson finally figured out that Uggs are made with animal skin [Haute Gossip]
- German film “The Lives of Others” is excellent. Go see it. [Pajiba]
- Women with really big boobs say they’re a royal pain. [White Trash Mom]
- Kate Beckinsale’s pokies [Drunken Stepfather]
- Hugh Grant and Jemima Khan broke up because Hugh is low class [Mollygood]

Mark Wahlberg at the Oscars this year with his girlfriend and the mother his two children, model Rhea Durham.

Warning: the following article contains explicit descriptions of sexual acts. If you are under 18, if this will offend you, or if you just don’t want to think about this crap you should hit the back button on your browser now.

You probably know the background by now, but madam Jody “Babydol” Gibson was released from prison after a two year sentence for running an international prositution ring. Now she’s published a tell-all book on her website about her celebrity clientele.

For $2.99 a chapter, you can read the titaliting supposed sex stories of celebrities like Ben Affleck, Bruce Willis, Arnold Swarzenegger, Slyvester Stalone, and more. The book reads like an overwrought sex novel written by a teenager, and it’s hard to believe that if these men were indeed her clients she remembers such secondhand details of the sex acts. She offers pages from her black books and printouts from her PDA that were enterted into evidence at her trial as proof that the celebrities were clients. Her colorful prose makes it seem like she’s filling in the details of their romps with her escorts.

We’ve covered Gibson’s chapters on Ben Affleck’s night of cocaine-fuelled passion with a busty blonde named Alyssa, and Bruce Willis’ orgy with five hookers and a producer friend. In each case, Gibson claimed the participating call girls told her the celebrity clients were nice, well-hung, and good fucks, and Mark Wahlberg is no exception.

She claims Wahlberg paid $2,000 for a night of passion with a hot blonde in a hotel. It was 1996 or 1997, Gibson doesn’t recall, and Wahlberg was hanging out with ex-cop Bo Dietl. Dietl’s life story was about to be made into a movie after he ratted out his entire NYC precinct for illegal activities. Wahlberg was tipped to play Dietl in the upcoming film, but the role eventually went to Steven Baldwin.

Dietl is the one that called Gibson, ordering up two blondes to the Pennisula Hotel in Beverly Hills. It was an easy job supposedly as the girls were just going to be paired off to get to it in separate rooms instead of having any group action.

Gibson says Wahlberg’s hooker was 5′10″ tall with a 36c chest, and that she was a “Pam Anderson type with a beautiful face.”

She said the escort told her she fell in love with sweet well-hung Wahlberg after their night of hot sex (Note: Gibson went by the name Sasha when running her business.)

“Sash, I’m in love!” she began.

“Now, now. You know better than that” I warned.

“I know. But he’s the hottest guy I’ve ever been with! He fucked me on my side with his arms wrapped around me, pumping his big dick from behind slowly, slowly for a long time too. Then he plowed me faster and faster when he was about to cum! [sic] He shot the biggest load all over my ass! I stayed way longer than I should without asking for more money so I hope you’re not mad.”

“Sweetie, you know how this game works. Mark Wahlberg is a gorgeous famous movie star and for all we know he could be engaged! You know better than to get emotionally involved with a client! Especially someont like him! He’s like got a thousand girls in love with him! So what did you get for the extra time? Just the $2000?” I asked.

“Yeah. No tip either. But he was a real romantic fuck! I should’ve paid him! Please tell me you’re not mad” she pleased.

“No, I’m not mad. But try to remember what you’re dealing with here and keep your eye on the ball” I suggested.

[From SuperMadam Secrets online book, Chapter 10]

I love how she paints herself as the older, wiser hooker. The dialogue is bad of course, and I doubt that the escorts dished the details in that nasty way, but she may have the major points right: Wahlberg was a sweet, sensitive lover who could perform well but didn’t tip.

I would like to hear a story about a grumpy celebrity who couldn’t get it up, but either the hookers were starstruck, Gibson has selective memory, or the celebrities were on their best behavior. When you’re paying thousands of dollars for a few hours of sex you probably try to make it worthwhile.

In a hopeful sign for both our beleagured legal system and divine justice it looks like Paris Hilton might have to serve a few months of jail time. Here’s hoping she has to wear glasses and let her roots grow out. TMZ has confirmed that Paris Hilton violated the terms of her probation last night when she was pulled over for driving on a suspended license, and could spend up to 90 days in jail as a result.

Hilton pled no contest to alcohol-related reckless driving after cops arrested her on September 7 for a DUI in Hollywood. As a result, the DMV suspended her license, and a judge placed Hilton on 36 months probation, with one major condition being: to “obey all laws.”

If only all the dictates for Emily Post could have been added to her earlier sentence we could be looking at a life sentence. And let’s face it: The rest of us will only ever truly be free when Hilton is locked away. The Roman Emperors were really onto something with banishment. No Dead Paris Walking drama … just permanently removed from the radar.

Last night, Hilton was stopped around 10:30 PM after cops say they noticed Hilton speeding down Sunset Blvd. without headlights. Deputies then discovered she was driving with a suspended license, arrested the heiress and impounded her car.

Greek shipping heirs worldwide are promised a real eye–opener as the sallow, well behaved, modest brown eyed brunette under the the fake tan and zombie lenses begins to re-emerge. Here’s hoping that they go for the maximum sentence with the minimum privileges … a bar of soap, a toothbrush and a rough bit of flannel ought to do her.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Pictures of Paris on the night in question via IDLYITW and Flynet Online.

A little over a month ago, the news came out that Anne Heche left her husband and the father of her child (who she cheated on her then-girlfriend Ellen Degeneres with around the time of her bizarre public breakdown in late summer, 2000) for her “Men in Trees” costar and love interest on the show, James Tupper.

Things seems to be going well for the new cheaters. Heche and Tupper were busted spending 20 minutes together in an airplane bathroom:

Anne Heche and new head-over-heels beau James Tupper are Hollywood stars - so perhaps that why first-class passengers aboard an LA flight stared when the couple suddenly disappeared into the john together… and didn’t emerge for about 20 minutes!

[From The National Enquirer print edition, Mike Walker’s column. March 5, 2007]

How classy. I hover pee in airplane bathrooms they’re so dirty. I’m sure first class is a bit cleaner, but really, how comfortable could it be to get it on in the bathroom? Maybe I’ve been happily married too long, but there’s no way I would have done that with my husband or any other guy I’ve dated, even in the super-hot initial part of the relationship. Bathrooms are just too dirty, and I would be embarassed for people to see me come out of one on an airplane with someone.

Heche has a son, Homer, who turns five tomorrow. I wonder who is watching him while she cavorts around with her new boyfriend? Probably her husband and the help.

Here she is in Vancouver iceskating with Tupper. Thanks to Flynetonline for these pictures.

As the week after the Oscars winds down, it’s a good time for a story about how the memories may last but the statues are crap. Juliet Binoche says she let her three year-old son play with her Oscar soon after she received it in 1996 for best supporting actress in The English Patient with randy Ralph Fiennes.

She says her son peeled all the gold off the statue but that the Academy graciously replaced it:

When I first brought it [the Oscar] home, I wanted to share my award, so I let my [then] three-year-old son play with it. After a few days, it started peeling until it was all naked - there was no gold left. It made me a little sad, but I couldn’t stop smiling and thinking about how it is all illusion. Though it was kindly replaced by the Acadamy, it made me realize that the real award is what you keep inside you.

[From In Style British print edition, March 2007]

I love how she gets all philosophical about her Oscar peeling and uses it as an example of the fleeting aspects of fame. She probably just wanted her toddler to stop screaming for it and handed it off, sighing and rolling her eyes. I’ve been there.

The article Binoche’s quote appeared in has profiles of several Oscar-winners with pictures of where keep their statues. It includes Liza Minelli, Geena Davis, Sean Connery and Ben Affleck posing where their Oscars are displayed.

Sean Connery keeps his Oscar for best supporting actor for 1987’s The Untouchables in the bathroom of his son’s apartment in New York. It is clustered on glass shelves with other gold and metallic statues and doesn’t stand out.

Geena Davis is shown with her Oscar in her decidedly middle-class looking living room with toys laying around and brown carpeting. She says she keeps it on display next to an award her surgeon husband received. She won a best supporting actress Oscar in 1988 for The Accidental Tourist.

Ben Affleck’s 1997 screenplay Oscar for Good Will Hunting is at home in his Santa Monica office and sits on a table behind his desk next to a signed Celtic’s basketball and photos of him with Matt Damon at the event.

Liza Minelli’s statue for best actress in Cabarat, 1972, is on the piano of her NY city apartment next to her deceased father’s best director Oscar for 1958’s Gigi. It seems that when well cared for, Oscar statues do last.

Here are the scans from In Touch.

This Train is just never late … just when there’s a lull in their tale of bad skin, bad judgment and bad decisions, the Moss and Doherty Express pulls back into the station. Londonnet has all the latest in transit news:

The Babyshambles frontman was seen carrying a treasured gold disc, a banjo, clothes and a baby-seat into the supermodel’s luxurious north London flat.

A source revealed: “It was hilarious, Pete was shifting all this tatty stuff into Kate’s posh home. Pete was carrying his gold disc and wherever that disc is, Pete is. If he has moved it into Kate’s it means he is staying there permanently.”

The gruesome twosome were sporting what is sure to be the look for the new Burberry campaign … shirtless banjo players for the Men’s line in Fall 2007 and for the Womenswear a focus on jewelry that you will pay for in so many more ways than just the purely financial.

As he carried his belongings into Kate’s property, Pete - who wasn’t wearing a shirt - stopped to entertain onlookers by strumming on his banjo. Kate, 33, was sporting a diamond ring on her engagement finger.

In case Burberry wants to develop a home furnishings line: Doherty has generously documented a sort of inspiration board for them in the shape of his previous digs.

Pete, 27, was kicked out of his east London flat after owing UKP10,000 in unpaid rent. After he left, photographs were released showing blood-spattered walls, drug paraphernalia, empty beer cans and cigarette butts strewn everywhere.

Landlord Andreas Panayiotou claimed Pete was the “worst tenant” he had ever had.

But Andy don’t be such a pessimist … the year is young … and the Greater London Metropole is full of up and coming musicians with beer as yet unbought and blood as yet unsplattered.

They may however not have a banjo or a baby car seat

pic via Daily Mail

And that is one stealable man — model-turned actor-turned model-turn me over I’m done– DJIMON Hounsou. There is however an element of denial in the man stealing story — it’s already flowing like that river in Egypt.

Cameron is all like “He’s not my Man … We are just friends” DENIAL.

..and Kimora is all like “You best better be … ‘Cause I will beat a Friendly Bitch’s Amicable Ass Down” DELIGHTFUL.

The tale begins in the hallowed pages of People magazine

Cameron Diaz was spotted getting cozy with Blood Diamond Oscar nominee Djimon Hounsou at L.A.’s Hyde Lounge on Thursday.

A rep for Diaz says the pair are just friends. “Cameron was out to dinner with friends, they ran into Djimon and he joined them for a drink at Hyde,” says the rep. “They are friends, nothing more.”

A rep for Hounsou did not return calls for comment.

But the ever reliable patrons with their patronizing tone and their eagle eyed celebrity eaves-watching felt differently about the pair:

“It looked like the perfect post-Valentine’s Day date,” a patron tells PEOPLE of the pair, who were with several other friends.

“They were totally vibing each other, lip-on-lip action,” says the source. “Cameron looked so happy… Djimon followed her every move.”

Diaz, 34, and Hounsou, 42, hit the dancefloor … says the onlooker, adding, “They were dancing really close, bodies pressed together.”

Lip on Lip action is pretty strong confirmation — St. Liponlipia is well know as the patron saint of realiable gossip. Ask the Pope … sh’s the one who told everyone he wears gay red Prada loafers.

But their Diaz-Djimon bodies are no longer pressed together: the only thing beingpressed now is Cameron Diaz’s people — pressed for an explanation of how Charlies Angel lost Hunky Hounsou to the Queen of Baby Phat.

People may serve it up nice but the Post serves it up straight with a Richard Johnson twist

Last week, the “Blood Diamond” star was all over Cameron Diaz. This week, he turned his attention on Kimora Lee Simmons.

Turned his attention indeed …. Very much the way a wandering asteroid turns its attention to the overwhelming gravity of a nearby planet. Its a Kimora Lee Solar System … and Hounsou is in the Kimora Lee Orbit. This stellar constellation of models-turned-actors-turned Baby Phatters-turned Spielberg Stars-turned back to models will not be seen again this century. Call Hubble your telescopes out.

Hounsou and Simmons made out all night at Boulevard 3 in L.A. Tuesday during a Dom Perignon dinner for Forest Whitaker. The two, there to help celebrate Whitaker’s Oscar win, ignored Oprah Winfrey, Mary J. Blige, Chris Tucker and Quincy Jones to grope each other, and left together.

Making out all night — Just like teenagers in love … six foot tall bling covered model contracted gabillionairre teenagers in Oprah ignoring LOVE.

pics via People and Page Six

One may well wonder what sort of sweeping romantic gesture convinced Kate to let Pete Move his flabby pin cushioned shirtless torso into her upmarket digs. What moving post-Libertine lyrics or heartrending Babyshambled speech got that engagement ring on her wrinkled chip-nailed claw.

Well the drug slurred man child took the teenage love hoodlum approach … seasoned with a dash of the Academy Award Winning Happy Feet – and all amongst the gentle hillsides and sleepy villages of the typically English Cotswolds:

Pete caused chaos at the Cotswold Wildlife Park, in Oxfordshire, when he threw what looked like a cannabis joint to the penguins.

The rocker - who has been treated for drug addiction - was showing off in front of Kate when he hurled the alleged joint into the pen.

One of the Humboldt penguins promptly swallowed it.

Well you know what those Humboldt penguins are like … no better than they ought to be … always out after a cheap thrill with nary a thought for tomorrow. Wolfing down the weed like Opus with a bucket of herring. No you don’t want to get mixed up with those Humboldt penguins. If you are out after your quality local penguins you want to head to Stow-on-the-Wold, Cirencester or Chipping Norton. Och Aye … a Chipping Norton penguin — now that’s a real quality flightless aquatic bird. Pride of the Cotswolds !

A source told The Sun: “Everyone knew he was smoking grass. He was joking about getting the penguins stoned. He threw them his joint and it looked like one penguin gulped it down. It seemed very wobbly.”

To his already impressive list of officials who are not amused by his antics - Doherty has now added zoologists and veterinarians. Another Doherty first in the world of Rock n Roll … can podiatrists and semioticians be far behind?

London Zoo’s chief veterinary officer blasted Pete’s antics.

Andrew Routh fumed: “Feeding a penguin cannabis could be fatal. It contains toxins that attack the nervous system and liver.”

via Londonnet

But feed it to a Primrose Hill single mom and you get a place to live. Though to be fair she didnt have much nervous system or liver left.

pics via BCN and sa-venues and D-Listed

Charlotte Church is Up the Duff … and Gavin Henson put her there …scrummage indeed!

Up the Duff - It’s really just the most fun way to say pregnant … although it doesn’t bode well for Hillary or Haylie when and if they decide to go fertile. Bad puns everywhere on that happy day. But eough about the Duffster and lets go back to Church. Sunday is right around the corner.

The secret was sniffed out when the constantly drunk ‘Voice of an Angel’ artiste was seen not putting it away like a sailor on leave. The British press drew its own accurate conclusions.

No 21-year-old girl in her right mind would refuse to drink any alcohol at her birthday party - that is, unless she had a baby on the way. And ring-a-ding-ding, such is the case!
After weeks of speculation, Charlotte Church has confirmed she is pregnant.

via allheadlines
It is nice to know that some celebrities … even if they are only British ones … are occasionally noticed for atypical personal restraint As opposed to full on wigged out deat and head shaving. Pete Doherty excepted.

The Cardiff-born singer who found fame as a child opera star announced the news on her website . A statement from Church’s management said: “Due to recent speculation and persistent questions from the media about this most private of matters, Charlotte felt she had no choice other than to go public.”

Charlotte is having the baby with her long term boyfriend Welsh rugby pin up boy Gavin Henson … who while he has a head very like a thumbtack dipped in a black lint tray — gives great pectorals.

Church herself is well known in her post adolescent phase for Rubenesque curves and a rack that’s so vicious Dubya wants to bomb it (say it out loud three times if you didnt get the last sentence - It’ll come to you).

Yes that baby will be able to hit a high C, push in a scrum and always answer whenever anyone yells out ‘Hey nice tits!”

It turns out the latest Brad and Angelina adoption rumor was true.

Originally the story was that they were going to adopt from the Tam Binh orphanage that they visited in Ho Chi Minh City. Then the head of that orphanage denied that they were adopting from his facility, saying that he wishes it were true.

Now the top adoption official in Vietnam has confirmed that Angelina has started the process there to legally adopt a boy, and she’s filing as a single parent

Angelina Jolie has filed papers to adopt a Vietnamese child, the country’s top adoption official said Friday.

A U.S. adoption agency representing the 31-year-old actress filed the papers at Vietnam’s International Adoption Agency, said Vu Duc Long, the agency’s director.

“She just filed the papers this week,” Long said.

Brad Pitt, have three children: 5-year-old son Maddox, adopted from Cambodia; 2-year-old daughter Zahara, adopted from Ethiopia; and another daughter, Shiloh, who was born to the couple in May.

Long would not name the U.S. adoption agency working with Jolie, who applied to adopt as a single parent.

The head of the Tam Binh orphanage has withheld comments on this latest news, and said he is waiting to see the papers.

This must be the real reason that Angelina wasn’t at the Oscars, although considering how much she travels she probably went to Dafur for that UN mission and then popped over to Vietname to take care of the adoption details. Brad and his parents have been taking the kids. From these latest photos of Brad with Shiloh, he’s doing a good job. There’s also a cute picture of Shiloh eyeing a little girl’s cookie like we saw in that candid with Zahara.

Pictures from SimplyBrad.com.