It doesn’t seem like that implant is working too well for dear Doherty. He was busted this weekend for posession of crack cocaine and pot.

Doherty’s rap sheet is lengthy and hard to keep up with, but here’s the highlights:

Gwyneth Paltrow has just taken one step closer to becoming an honorary English person by deciding to educate her children in England. Gwyneth and her husband (Coldplay’s Chris Martin) have just sold their townhouse in New York’s trendy TriBeCa area because they want to be in London full-time.

I know a lot of people are going to pick on Gwyneth for eschewing the American lifestyle, but I feel her pain — I’m enrolling my child in an English school when I move back to the States next week, so that she can continue her education in England full time in a few years time.

The Daily Mail reports:

After recently purchasing the house immediately next door to their home in London’s Belsize Park, Gwyneth and her husband Chris Martin have decided they want to educate their children - Apple, three, and one-year-old Moses - in the capital.

“They bought the house next to their London pad so they can have more space and plan to put their children through British schools. Gwyneth is particularly impressed with the English education system.”

The 34-year-old actress and 30-year-old Coldplay singer Chris won’t struggle with the fees if they opt to send their children to a top English prep school - they made a £3million profit on their TriBeCa home.

I know Gwyneth gets a lot of flack for being a wannabe Anglophile, but I get the same grief when I go back home to Chicago to a Puerto Rican family — I have to hold my temper when my friends tell me that they think English people all have nannies and are cold fish, when I distinctly know that the opposite stereotype is true. I think the reason why Gwyneth gets such hassle is that she usually has a holier than thou attitude when she gives interviews, and although I know being a loving eco friendly mother who eats macrobiotic everything and is alcohol free is probably a good thing, most mothers (myself included) simply cannot live to that ideal and do not like feeling guilty about feeding their kids fish sticks from the frozen food aisle after reading how perfect she is.

I do understand why she is sending her children to an English school. After enrolling my daughter at a school in England and having seen how their educational system works first hand, I too think that it is better than the schools I grew up going to. If you have the money and can afford to give your child what you think will be a good start in life, than I think there is nothing wrong with giving your child the advantage of growing up learning about two different cultures.

Note by Celebitchy: Gwyneth is definitely not alcohol free.

Prince William’s newly-jilted ex, Kate Middleton, is said to be in talks for a one week guest host job on women’s roundtable talkshow “The View.” Rosie O’Donnel is leaving her bombastic post this June, and token conservative Elisabeth Hasselbeck will go on maternity leave at some point.

Hasselback recently announced she is three months’ pregnant, which leaves two spots to fill. Producers are said to be wooing Kate, 25, for a guest host job that could turn into something longer term:

Prince William’s just-dumped crumpet, elegant Brit hottie Kate Middleton, will audition for the newly vacant Star Jones/Rosie O’Donnell slot! Never one to get caught with her knickers down, Barbara Walters has already been brainstorming with producers about fresh new faces, and once Rosie declard she’s through as a regular, the call went out to Kate. She’s mulling what’s called a “one-week co-host stint” because “audition” sounds so terribly…ugly, dahlings don’t you think?

[From National Enquirer print edition, Mike Walker's column, May 12, 2007]

From what I could gather about Kate, she graduated with an art history degree from the University of St. Andrews in Scotland in 2005, and has been working an assistant accessories buyer at High Street department store Jigsaw. She dated Prince William from 2003 to recently, when they broke up amid rumors that the prince wanted to party and/or had was told to leave her by his father, prince Charles, if he wasn’t ready to get married.

An art history degree and retail experience doesn’t seem to make her qualified for a talk show, but it’s not really a demanding position, and would seem to depend on personality more than anything.

Other reports have Rosanne Barr slated to take over for Rosie. She recently told Larry King “I’m not looking for a job… Well, I want $10 million like Rosie.”

Joan Rivers, Whoopi Godlberg, Kathie Lee Gifford and Connie Chung are other possible guest hosts. Producers need to find a few women to audition as they will have two seats to fill as mentioned. [Details From National Enquirer print edition, May 12, 2007]

Middleton is shown in the header image at the wedding of Laura Parker Bowles and Harry Lopes on 5/6/2006 and vacationing in Italy with Prince William on 9/2006. Pictures from Photorazzi.

Brad and Angelina looked pissed off to be photographed while out in Prague, but I would say it’s more of a mutual annoyance at the paparazzi rather than being pissed at each other. Their body language suggests that they’re united in their gloom and are just trying to go out undisturbed.

Another week, another “Brad and Angelina are having trouble!” story from the tabloids. Star capitalizes on a recent picture of Angelina out with her brother, James Haven, in NY during the Tribeca film festival to speculate on how he may be affecting their marriage. Brad is mighty pissed that Haven sold stories to the British rags, they say, and he’s suspicious of their close relationship.

All Star seems to do is make up conflict based on the old story that Angelina and James were kissing at the Oscars and the known fact that James has been blabbling about them:

“Brad knows how close Angie and James are,” says a friend. “But as hard as he tried to keep his life with Angelina out of the public eye, James talks about them, and it’s gotten Brad hot under the collar.”

Nevertheless, Star has learned that no matter how upset Brad gets, Angelina defends James, heating up tensions with Brad even more.

“I’ve heard that Brad has confided to his family that he doesn’t like “Angelina and James’ behavior,” says a source. “He must think it’s odd. He probably thinks James is odd. He can’t like the way they kiss hello and the way they’re so touchy-feeling. Brad’s got to be disturbed by it…”

Angie and James flaunted their uncommonly close bond long before Brad came into her life, sharing what many considered a bizarre full-on kiss at the 2000 Academy Awards. And now, sources say, Brad feels it’s inappropriate for James to have blabbed to a European magazine, giving details about his relationship with Angelina…

“I think Brad was peeved,” the friend says. “He asked Angelina when James because their spokesperson.” Angelina told him that her brother can say whatever he wants. When Brad said he felt James should keep his thoughts about them to himself, Angelina got so angry, the friend said, she didn’t speak to Brad for the rest of the day.

[From Star Magazine, print edition, May 14, 2007]

It could be true that they fought over that candid interview James gave, but the wording of the quotes is rather tentative, with the “friend” speculating on how they “think” Brad took it.

Here are pictures of Brad and Angelina in Prague. Pictures [via]

Helen Mirren was invited to have dinner with The Queen at the palace, but Mirren was unfortunately unable to make it due to filming arrangements. Palace officials are said to be unhappy by the apparent “snub” and said that they wouldn’t be able to arrange another date for Mirren to attend.

It sounds like sour grapes from palace officials. I’m pretty sure Mirren didn’t intend to offend anyone, especially as she gave such a gushing speech dedicated to the Queen when she won her Oscar.

The Daily Mail reports:

The actress, who won an Oscar for her portrayal of the Monarch in the film The Queen, said she was ‘too busy’ to attend.

Her rejection of the offer is being seen by senior Palace officials as a snub.

Furious Royal aides say Dame Helen, 61, is unlikely to be offered an alternative date and indicated she will not be invited again.

A senior Palace official said: “It is unheard of for Her Majesty to extend a personal invitation to dinner to someone who has portrayed her in a film. We did not expect to be told that the date is unacceptable.

“The Queen has an extremely busy schedule. Her diary is mapped out a year in advance and for her to make time for a private dinner shows how much she wanted to meet Miss Mirren. It remains to be seen if another date can be fixed.”

Another aide said: “It is rare for the Queen to ask an actress or actor to a private dinner. The gesture showed how much she appreciated the comments made by Miss Mirren in accepting the awards for the film.

“While there is an understanding about commitments, this was not a run-of-the-mill dinner invitation.”

Dame Helen, who is filming in America, said: “The Palace very kindly extended an invitation to dinner last Tuesday, May 1.

“But, unfortunately, I was filming in South Dakota and unable to change my schedule. I am very sad not to have been able to attend.”

The Palace staff are taking things way out of proportion in my opinion. Yes, the Queen has a busy schedule, but if Mirren feels she had to do work for her role, then so be it and they should respect that. They shouldn’t make her feel horrible just because she has to go to work!

I’m sure this stuff is all just coming from palace courtiers and that the Queen is hardly bothered whether Mirren shows up or not. It all just sounds like a storm in a teacup to me.

Picture of Queen Elizabeth from Gino Galea.com

Keira Knightley is busy again trying to dispel images that she is a pristine actress who cares about her craft and image by saying that she doesn’t shower very often.

OK, so she’s a bit smelly. At least she isn’t doing a Lohan.

Here’s a bit of the article from The Sun

If you have the chance to get close to KEIRA KNIGHTLEY avoid standing down wind.

The Pirates Of The Caribbean star has admitted: “I don’t shower enough. My natural smell is rather musky.”

Then, perhaps remembering that she promotes posh scent for Chanel, she quickly added: “Coco Mademoiselle is the first women’s perfume I’ve ever worn. I need something clean.”

Good job remembering your sponsors, Keira! If only Kate Moss had half her commitment to her Chanel contract.

Keira Knightley has appeared on a few tabs lately letting everyone know how she doesn’t want to be known as the typical Hollywood actress who is as obsessed with her craft as she is with her weight and how she looks for the public. I think Keira may sound more genuine if she didn’t complain about it so much — to the MEDIA. The lady doth protest too much, in my opinion.

If she doesn’t shower that much, at least she doesn’t look half bad. I can’t get away with that. I refuse to step out of the house without a shower or full make up for fear of frightening small children and animals.

Update by Celebitchy: Technically the picture Jessie chose for this post has a nip slip, which makes it sorta NSFW, but it’s really hard to tell with the size of Keira’s chest.

Tobey Maguire was seen giving his baby daughter, Ruby, who is almost six months, a kiss on the cheek after lifting her out of her stroller.

Tobey spent Sunday with his family after jetting to Vegas for the Oscar De La Hoya fight Saturday. Tobey and his fiance, jewelry designer Jennifer Meyer, shopped to shop at paparazzi hotspot Fred Segal before heading to Coldwater Park in Beverly Hills.

Tobey and his family have plenty to celebrate on a sunny Sunday. Despite mixed reviews, Spiderman 3 broke box office records for the biggest opening weekend ever. It brought in $135 million in the US and $375 worldwide. Reports have Tobey commanding a whopping $35 million for another Spiderman sequel.

Pictures from SplashNews.

This photo was captioned “Mandy Moore raises her hands despire being un-’Sure’” and “Mandy Moore suffers from extreme underarm wetness!”

That’s all the photo agency wrote about this set of pics, so it’s hard to tell where Mandy is exactly, but she has been keeping busy.

Moore recently performed at the prom at Enterprise High School in Alabama, where eight students recently died from a tornado that hit the area.

She was unable to attend her own prom as she was promoting A Walk To Remember, and said “I wanted to be there - the kids have been through so much. I made a corsage and they all wore boutonnieres. It felt like my prom too.”

There’s a contest at Photobucket and MyYearbook to win a chance for Mandy to perform at your high school. Students were invited to submit videos set to the music from her single “Extraordinary.” Entries were due April 30th, and voting is now open for the finalists. The winner will be announced May 15th.

Mandy recently said that she plans to climb Mt. Kilamanjaro someday after being fascinated with a video on the mountain, which is about half the size of Mount Everest at 15,000 feet from the base. She is also rumored to be in talks to replace Kirsten Dunst in a Spiderman sequel.

Photo of sweaty Mandy from Splash News.

David Hasselhoff’s life is slowly falling apart. He has now been banned by a Los Angeles Superior Court Judge from seeing his daughters as a result of the tape that was shown by the media last week.

TMZ reports:

TMZ has learned that a Los Angeles County Superior Court judge has suspended David Hasselhoff’s right to visit his children in the wake of the videotape showing the actor drunk on his living room floor.

Hasselhoff is allowed to have telephone contact only.

On May 21, the judge will hold a hearing on the videotape and how it will affect Hasselhoff’s long-term visitation rights.

The judge also ordered that Hasselhoff, his ex-wife Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff and their kids meet with a psychologist prior to the May 21st hearing. The psychologist has the power to adjust the judge’s order after meeting with the fractured family.

Strangely, the judge never admitted the videotape into evidence but said it didn’t matter because he’s a “normal human being” who reads, among other things, TMZ.

A judge making a decision not by actually looking at the evidence, but by reading information from a tabloid? Am I the only person that finds that a tad bit worrying?

Hasselhoff may be an alcoholic, and he may have been a fool to ask his daughters to film that clip of him acting like a drunken mess, but call me naive for thinking this is being blown out of proportion. Does the judge really think that denying the Hoff from seeing his kids is going to make him drink less? I know he’s not going to win any Father of the Year awards, but it’s obvious his girls love him and that he loves his girls. The daughters should have been allowed to have their say about the situation.

The only good thing that has come from this decision is that the family is being forced to get psychological help. I hope that therapy will stop this from turning into a Baldwin-Basinger saga.

- Melanie Griffith had way too much done to her face [Dlisted]
- Angelina threatens to quit her movie Wanted after getting hounded by paparazzi in Prague [ICYDK]
- Brad Pitt needs a butt double [Agent Bedhead]
- Celebrities at the Kentucky Derby, including Nick Lachey, Vanessa Minnillo, Queen Elizabeth, and Jenny McCarthy [PopSugar]
- Ty Pennington arrested for DUI [I'm Not Obsessed]
- Mischa Barton in hideous sequined pants [Bastardly]
- Lucky You, with Drew Barrymore is super boring [Pajiba]
- David Arquette loves the weed [CityRag]
- How Paris can survive prison [Celebritology]
- Paris Hilton panty flash just seems sad and desperate (site NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]
- Paris says cops hit on her and that’s why she gets pulled over [CelebWarship]
- Jessica Simpson looking goth and scary [Egotastic]
- Katie Price promotes a new video game by posing with a weird man/fox hybrid [The Blemish]
- Brittany Murphy got married in secret [Seriously? OMG! WTF]
- Harry Potter and Hermione’s photoshopped boobies [Best Week Ever]
- Natalie Portman side boob [CelebNewsWire]
- Studio 60 is cancelled for good [The Evil Beet]
- Kendra Wilkinson at the beach [Hollywood Tuna]
- Britney Spears in a camouflage hat that says “F*CK” [Socialite's Life]
- The Idiot’s Cube [The Grumpiest]
- Kevin Costner and his wife had a baby boy [Celebrity Baby Blog]
- Paz Vega had a baby boy [Celebrity Baby Scoop]
- Luke Perry aged a lot [Haute Gossip]