Sarah Silverman opened the first-ever live MTV Movie Awards with her raunchy trademark style. She told Jack Nicholson that he had “literally been in every single one of my favorite actresses,” and she said she wouldn’t go see Pirates of the Caribbean 3 because she wouldn’t see any movies longer than Cisco Adler’s balls. Then she said “Google it, it’ll be a great later laugh.”

She talked about the paparazzi, saying they’ve “made so many famous vaginas even famouser.” Then she said she “sees at least three famous vaginas here tonight,” and added “Oh Tobey Maguire, four, sorry.”

Silverman said she feels sorry for Lindsay Lohan, and that she needs a “father figure… someone to tell her that she is a rude little pig.”

People cheered for Silverman’s diss on Lindsay, and they cheered for her next statement about how Paris was about to go to jail. She then told the lame joke about how they’re going to paint the bars of Paris’ cell with penises and she’s afraid Paris will break her teeth.

Other memorable moments included: Sarah Silverman and Jessica Biel almost kissing in a segment as they talked super close to each other:

Will Ferrell And Sasha Baron Cohen rolling around and psuedo-making out out to celebrate winning best kiss for Talladega Nights:

Jack Nicholson saying the “F” word in a hoarse voice and appearing drunk on stage (link leads to video) while accepting the award for best villain.

Johnny Depp accepting best performance (link leads to video) for Pirates of the Caribbean 2.

Jay-Z and Rihanna performed “Umbrella” together, and Amy Winehouse belted out “Rehab.” It may have been true that Beyone wasn’t happy that Rihanna was performing with her man, as she was a no-show.

Here’s the list of winners:

List of winners of the 2007 MTV Movie Awards:
Best Movie: “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest”
Performance: Johnny Depp, “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest”
Breakthrough performance: Jaden Smith, “The Pursuit of Happyness”
Comedic performance: Sacha Baron Cohen, “Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan”
Kiss: Will Ferrell and Sacha Baron Cohen, “Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby”
Villain: Jack Nicholson, “The Departed”
Fight: Gerard Butler vs. “The Uber Immortal,” “300″
Summer movie you haven’t seen: “Transformers”
mtvU best filmmaker on campus: Josh Greenbaum, University of Southern California
Movie spoof: Andy Signore, “United 300″
MTV Generation Award: Mike Myers

[From The Daily Mail]

You can watch the whole show on demand at MTV.com.

Here are pictures of the arrivals, show and press room.

Cameron Diaz and Mike Myers

Mandy Moore and John Krasinski (they are in License to Wed together, which is out in July)

Victoria Beckham

Jessica Biel

Amanda Bynes

Jessica Alba

Rihanna

Amy Winehouse

Inside the Awards

Press Room

Dina Lohan is in talks with E! Networks to get her own reality show, in which she is filmed in the act of ruining her as-yet unrehabbed younger children’s lives.

DINA Lohan is about to get what she always wanted: her own TV show.

Dina - who has ridden the coattails of her eldest daughter, Lindsay, for years trying to become famous - is in talks to do a reality show with E! tentatively titled “Mom-ager,” in which she’ll try to turn her youngest children, Ali, 14, and Cody, 11, into stars.

Dina gave Entertainment Tonight exclusives by bringing along camera crews to visit Lohan in her last rehab, Wonderland, and doing interviews on the red carpet at the George Rule premiere that left Lindsay’s costar Jane Fonda steaming mad. She said in an interview that she once told George Clooney she was her daughter’s assistant and has revealed that she enjoys going out partying with her daughter.

Maybe if enough people complain about it, E! will cancel Dina’s reality series. The news comes at a particularly bad time, considering that Lindsay was just arrested for DUI and shipped off for her second stint in rehab.

British paper News of the World had these weird sexy knife photos of Lindsay, said to be from a few weeks ago. They also claimed to have insider news from Promises of Lindsay openly dissing people, including Paris and Nicole Richie. I doubt these quotes are true, but they’re still interesting:

PARIS HILTON: “In one of her group meetings she yelled that her friend Paris was a coke whore and couldn’t believe how stupid she’d been driving while banned. She said, ‘Paris thinks she’s above everyone. She’s not. Paris is a stupid cow and deserves what she gets’.”

NICOLE RICHIE: Next she scathingly attacked actress Nicole. “She saw a woman who is bulimic and said, ‘She’s like Nicole. What problems does Nicole have? The girl just needs to eat. Period’.”

CALUM BEST: Our source said Lindsay was devastated after it was revealed her 25-year-old boyfriend had been caught enjoying a drug-fuelled romp with two hookers. Our source said: “Since then she has begun to self-destruct even more. When she was told what he had done with those prostitutes she broke down and cried, ‘I thought he loved me’.

Someone made all that up, but I had to repeat it because it’s pretty funny. These pictures are a bit disturbing, yet they’re not shocking or anything considering how fake-posed they are and the fact that it’s Lindsay. [Story via Gossip Rocks]

The Alma Awards were held Friday in Pasadena. Babel was the big winner, with four awards. It took home best motion picture, best director, best actress for Adriana Barraza and outstanding screenplay.

Best actor went to Jesse Garcia for Quinceanera. Ugly Better won for best television show, with America Ferrera as the best actress on television. Best supporting actress went to Ana Ortiz, also for Ugly Betty.

The ALMA awards honor Hispanic performers and promote positive images of Hispanics in entertainment. ALA means soul in Spanish and is an acronym for the American Latino Media Arts.

Here is a complete list of winners:

Complete list of winners of the 2007 ALMA Awards:

Motion Picture: ‘Babel’

Actor in a motion picture: Jesse Garcia, ‘Quinceanera.’

Actress in a motion picture: Adriana Barraza, ‘Babel.’

Director of a motion picture: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, ‘Babel.’

Screenplay for a motion picture: Guillermo Arriaga, ‘Babel.’

Television series, miniseries or TV movie: ‘Ugly Betty,’ ABC.

Actor in a television series, miniseries or TV movie: (tie) Edward James Olmos, ‘Battlestar Galactica,’ Sci Fi Channel and Michael Pena, ‘Walkout,’ HBO.

Actress in a television series, miniseries or TV movie: America Ferrera, ‘Ugly Betty.’

Supporting actor in a television: Benito Martinez , ‘The Shield,’ FX.

Supporting actress in a television: Ana Ortiz, ‘Ugly Betty.’

Special achievement in television: George Lopez.

The ALMA awards will air tomorrow, June 5, on ABC.

Here are photos of the awards, including Salma Hayek, Eva Longoria, Ana Ortiz, Amaury Nolasco, Jessica Alba, and George Lopez. America Ferrera was not present and accepted the best actress - television award via satellite. Thanks to Photorazzi for these pics.

Paris Hilton’s record label is being sued for half a million bucks by the company that owns the copyright to British group UB40’s song “Kingston Town.” They claim her debut album’s first single, “Stars are Blind,” is a blatant rip off of the 1989 hit. If you listen to the two songs, UB40 clearly has a case against Hilton. No wonder her first single was so catchy - it was a cover!

Paris’ Stars are Blind

UB40’s Kingston Town

And in news that’s kind of inevitable considering the low sales of Paris Hilton’s breathy first album, her label, Warner Bros, has dropped her. A spokesperson said “We are not expecting any new Paris Hilton material in the foreseeable future.”

Paris put on a brave face at last night’s MTV Movie Awards, where she was the brunt of jokes.

In the days leading up to her imprisonment, Paris continued her spiritual pottery-painting quest for good PR. She was also seen out shopping with Australian Model Derrick Hayes. Her brief relationship with Desperate Housewives actor Josh Henderson is supposedly over. Henderson was said to have warned Paris not to drive before she was pulled over a second time for driving with a suspended license. Maybe she wants more yes-men in her life.

Paris does not have a cellmate in prison at this point. A British paper is reporting that her intended roommate was obsessed with her, and could quote passages out of her book verbatim. Paris’ spurned roommate is also said to own a copy of her sex tape and to hoard clippings of the heiress from magazines. It’s probably not true, but I wish that it was and that Paris was stuck with the crazed fan for 23 days.

Header image is Paris’ mugshot from The Sun. I bet Paris took a glamour shot at home and brought it with her. Here’s a censored Paris nip slip during the making of her video that you’ve already seen.

Britney Spears was in Mexico for a few days staying at the Four Seasons Pita Maha resort in Puerto Vallarta with her ever-present “cousin” Alli, who is most likely the help. She strutted her stuff in a scary low cut g-string and the roots of her braided on extensions were clearly visible. At one point her cover-up flew up to reveal her dimpled butt. She’s not in terrible shape, but she shouldn’t really be showing it off, either.

There’s a questionable story that Britney plans to visit Lohan in rehab, and that she was encouraged by Lohan’s slutty lover, Calum Best. Best is said to have asked Britney to contact Lohan, and since Britney knows the people at Promises and “successfully” completed her own stint there recently, she can show her around.

Probably aware that he isn’t the best role model for sobriety, the sometime model and professional playboy turned to Britney for help.

A source tells the Daily Star, “Calum was quite brave calling Britney as he only met her briefly a few years ago but when her people told her he’d been in contact, she was happy.

“Calum said he was worried that Lindsay would be so lonely at Promises that she wouldn’t benefit from the treatment at all. Britney’s now in such a good place that she said she’d be happy to visit and to introduce Lindsay to some of her friends there.”

[From Entertainment Wise]

The article goes on to say that Calum wants to get back with Lohan and that he’s renting a condo near Promises in Malibu to be closer to her. I call bullshit on that one, as the Daily Star isn’t that reliable a source, and Britney is said to dislike Lohan. She even was rumored to have barred her from the VIP section at one of her comeback shows.

Still, I wouldn’t put it past Britney to show up at Promises to steal some of Lohan’s rehab thunder.

Meanwhile Britney’s mom, Lynn Spears, is scheduled to appear on the now even more boring “The View” on Wednesday. Everyone is wondering what she’ll talk about since she is said to be estranged from Britney, who didn’t even visit her when she was stricken with pneumonia and was laid up in the hospital on Mother’s Day.

Photos via TMZ, The Sun, Faded Youth, and ONTD.

Jessica Simpson is a millionaire whose best friend is a hairdresser. The only excuse she could legitimately have for going out with bed head and no makeup wearing scrappy old sweats would be that she just got laid and is doing the walk of shame in some clothes the guy she hooked up with lent her. Since Simpson has people at her beck and call to avoid even day-after mishaps, that’s unlikely. She must just be depressed and giving up.

TMZ reports that she went to a Maroon 5 show over the weekend. Simpson was dumped via text message by Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine last spring after a fling. Levine reportedly sent her an sms saying “Really busy. Need Space.” and that was that. If Jessica had any designs on winning him back it didn’t work. He was said to leave the show with another blonde.

Simpson was rumored to be having another fling with quarterback Tony Romo - who is on a break from his relationship with Carrie Underwood. If that was true would she be looking like this in public?

The key to getting over a breakup is to look great and take care of yourself, not to wallow in it. US Weekly reports that she put on her old sweats and a scowl back when she broke up with Nick Lachey, too.

Thanks to FlynetOnline for these pics.

- Why is Shiloh’s hair cut like a boy? (Update: because she’s a baby and her hair hasn’t grown in yet! I should have realized.) [PopSugar]
- Happy Birthday to Angelina Jolie [Evil Beet]
- Jay-Z supposedly asked Beyonce to marry him [DListed]
- Beyonce got wasted this weekend in London [Bossip]
- Obesity expert gets death threats for calling Jordin Sparks “the vision of unhealth.” Where was that expert when Ruben was on Idol? [I’m Not Obsessed]
- Knocked Up with Katherine Heigl is supposed to be as good as 40 Year Old Virgin, maybe better [Pajiba]
- Pamela Anderson in a one piece bathing suit in a new Vegas magic show (site NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]
- Posh Spice and Cameron Diaz bond over their shoes [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
- Paris Hilton’s wax figure dressed in prison garb [Just Jared]
- Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck at a Red Sox game [ICYDK]
- Live blogging the MTV Movie Awards from a special “bloggers room,” where only Dane Cook and that chick from the Hills stopped by, and it doesn’t sound like they even had a catered spread [popbytes]
- Johnny Depp at the MTV Movie Awards [Bastardly]
- More Britney Spears bikini pictures. Proceed with caution [Hollywood Rag]
- Johnny Knoxville sued for $10.5 million for putting a guy’s pp in a mousetrap [The Grumpiest]
- Has Kim Kardashian always had an ass that big? [Agent Bedhead]
- Rolling Stone speculates on Amy Winehouse’s drug use [Mollygood]
- Robin Givens says Mike Tyson raped her [Rhymes with Snitch]
- Danny Bonaduche: how can a guy be so buff and so skeevy at the same time? [CityRag]
- Melissa Joan Hart gained some weight back [The Skinny Website]
- Paris Hilton’s last meal: egg salad sandwiches [CelebWarship]

Owen Wilson seemed like he was coming around in his willingness to commit to Kate Hudson. Kate joined Owen and his brothers at two after parties for premieres of his film The Wendell Baker Story in Chicago and LA. Owen’s brothers even commented on what a great woman Hudson was and how happy she made their brother.

Owen, 38, wasn’t ready to give up his bachelor ways entirely though, and Kate wasn’t having it. Page Six reports that she was overheard saying he doesn’t make enough time for her. Kate went out on a rip-roaring week partying in NY without Owen, and she was said to have broken up with him over the phone shortly afterwards.

All may not be over for these two, though, Page Six’s source says that they have an on-again off-again relationship and that they’ve broken up several times before, with the problem being Wilson’s inability to commit.

People says they’re through, though, and that they broke up before Memorial Day weekend.

Men don’t change overnight, and it doesn’t matter how gorgeous or cool the woman is if the guy doesn’t want to commit.

British rag The Sun is reporting that Angelina Jolie has secretly been visiting an orphanage in the Czech Republic capital of Prague where she’s been filming her new movie. They say she uses decoy cars to throw off the paparazzi and that she’s found a little boy she’s about to adopt. Brad is said to have visited the child this weekend.

Brad, Angelina and their four children flew out of Prague yesterday, and The Sun claims they’re taking a three week break stateside while the paperwork goes through for them to adopt the boy:

The Hollywood star, in Prague to film her latest movie Wanted, has been paying regular visits to a Catholic orphanage in the centre of the city.

And Angelina — who has already adopted nippers from Cambodia, Ethiopia and Vietnam — has fallen in love with one of the orphans.

Her partner BRAD PITT flew from Montreal, Canada, to Prague to meet the child at the weekend.

Now the couple are going through official channels to make their fourth adoption.

A source said: “Angelina celebrated her 32nd birthday yesterday and had told Brad she felt it was time to extend their family again.

“Her maternal instincts are in overdrive and she felt a bond with the kid straight away.

“She called Brad and said she had found a child who would fit in perfectly with the other kids.

“If everything goes smoothly, Angelina will have an Eastern European son to add to her brood…”

The couple have now flown to New York for a three-week break while Czech authorities complete the adoption paperwork.

Is this true? They keep saying that they want more children, and that they want to balance out the faces in their family, but it was speculated that they would adopt another African child for Zahara and have one more biological child. Angelina is taking a year off after she makes this film, so I guess she’ll have time for all her kids and they certainly have the resources for help. They hired a translator for Pax and they are said to have one nanny for each child, although you never see them in photos.

Angelina recently told Marie Claire that she doesn’t get enough alone time with Brad. She also told a cute story about Zahara saying that “daddy would cry” if she didn’t get a cookie and said that her mom, Marcheline Bertrand, thought up the name “Pax” before she passed away.

I’m not buying this rumor until it actually happens, but since Angelina recently said that she will take a full year off after she wraps this movie, it could be true. I didn’t believe they would adopt a child from Vietnam, either.

These images of Brad and Angelina with Shiloh and Zahara are older.

Paris Hilton has been praised by prison staff for her cooperative and friendly demeanor. She is doing well they say, on this her second day on the inside.

Paris was allowed to keep her hair extensions in, with staff claiming they allow extensions that are “tightly wound.” I would bet that they made an exception for her, but who really cares at this point? I mean she’s getting it tougher than she ever has or will again in her life unless she’s kidnapped or there’s a prolonged natural disaster.

Paris isn’t crying like her blabbering buddy, Joe Francis, did in jail. She’s said to be very quiet and focused, according to TMZ. She did have a visitor yesterday, her lawyer, and it was thought that she missed her lunch of bologna on white bread.

An orange jumpsuit that a seller claims Paris Hilton tried on and rejected was said to be for sale on eBay. I couldn’t find the listing by searching eBay for “Paris Hilton Jail,” “Paris Hilton Prison” or doing an extended search using a phrase from the description listed on MSNBC’s The Scoop, so the listing has likely been removed. There are a lot of t-shirts, buttons, and domain names capitalizing on Paris’ time in jail for sale.

According to the seller of the now-unlisted prison jumpsuit, Paris Hilton wasn’t that cooperative when picking out her prison outfit:

“Paris has been in jail for less than 1 day,” noted the seller. “Shes [sic] has b*****d about everything!”

The eBay merchant says that the high-fashion-loving heiress didn’t like the way the clothes fit. “She demanded a femal [sic] med and they didnt [sic] fit. These are the Original pair of Paris Hilton Orange jail shorts and jump suit! Dont [sic] miss this once in a life time opportunity!!!”

It could be a fake listing, but if it’s true you can’t blame the girl for wanting an outfit that fits! She tries on new outfits every day, it’s second nature to her.

The NY Daily News speculates on how hairy and ugly Paris is going to be when she gets out of the pokey. Her mugshot was glam, but she can’t have any makeup, hairbrushes, hair implements, razors or tweezers in the slammer. She does get soap and a wide-toothed comb issued by the prison.

At least Paris won’t have to worry about gaining weight in jail. The food is said to be awful, with a breakfast of cereal, lunch of bologna on white bread, and the only hot meal being a low-sodium chicken-based dinner. Her trainer says he worries that Paris won’t eat.

Jail might be the best thing that ever happened to Paris. She’s big news here in Switzerland, and I keep seeing her face on television and hearing her name on the radio. What doesn’t kill her will only make her staggering fame stronger.

Thanks to USWeekly for these pictures inside Paris’ prison.