Today in delusional celebrities: Rumer Willis thinks she’s famous. And her fame is a big responsibility. According to her. The girl best known for looking a lot more like her father than her mother dropped out of college last year and has since become an actress. I think when your parents are Demi Moore and Bruce Willis, you can in fact become an actress in under six months time. None of Rumor’s movies have come out yet, so calling herself an actress is a bit of a stretch. But the Moore/Willis clan has always been known for their hubris. So far it seems Rumer is still most famous for being the kid of someone famous – not exactly time to phone the editors at People to tell them your tips for handling fame. But common sense never got in the way of self-promotion.

Rumer Willis is ready to accept the ’round-the-clock responsibility of being famous. Presented over the weekend with a Rumer Willis Polly Pocket Doll – which she helped auction off for $5,500 to charity – at the Children Affected by AIDS Foundation’s annual Dream Halloween benefit in Santa Monica, Calif., the 19-year-old (and eldest) daughter of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, joked, “I feel like I’m really famous now.”

But when it really comes to the fame game, Willis – who has become a gossip-blog fixture in recent months – tells PEOPLE, “Before I started working, I would have said, ‘You know, it’s not really fair, because I didn’t choose this.’ But when you decide to be a part of this profession and put yourself out there, then you kind of have to accept what it is.” Willis says that her famous parents – including stepdad Ashton Kutcher – aren’t worried about her, even though being a celebrity means having a very public life. “I think they know that I’ve had great role models,” she said.

Still, notoriety does offer its obstacles. “It’s a 24-hour job,” she says. “It doesn’t matter if you are going out to a restaurant – you have to be aware of what you are doing and how you look and how you are presenting yourself, because most of the time people never get to know you.” But at its heart, she says of celebrity, “Being famous isn’t going to parties … it’s about being able to use the power that we all have to kind of give back.”

[From People]

Giving back? When was the last time that family was known to give anything back? I haven’t really heard one way or the other about Bruce, but for the last fifteen years I’ve heard how completely rude Demi Moore is to fans and people in general. There’ve been reports of her snapping at customers in restaurants who she thought were looking at her (God forbid). The kids are supposedly spoiled and rude too, though I’ve heard Ashton is remarkably polite. If so, it must be pretty embarrassing to be seen with this clan. I’m guessing all the middle-aged sex and Demi’s great knees make up for it though.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Rumer at the 14th Annual Dream Halloween Fundraiser for the Children Affected by AIDS Foundation on October 27th. Image thanks to PR Photos.

While I was playing with Barbies as a little girl all the boys were crazy over G.I. Joe. Barbie had the occasional fling with Joe at her Malibu beach house, and the doll she was secretly cheating on anatomically-challenged Ken with could have its own upcoming film. The G.I. Joe movie rumor has been around for awhile, but it looks like it could soon become a reality. The ever-so-suave George Clooney could be set to star as Duke.

“According to Moviehole.net, Clooney has abandoned his role in director Joe Carnahan’s film ‘White Jazz’ in favor of appearing as the action hero. The word in the Hollywood grapevine is Clooney has been offered a role in G.I. Joe and it’s the character of Duke.”

[Fox 23 News]

George has, according the reports, left the cast of “White Jazz” due to conflicts of schedule and the G.I. Joe film now has a rumored role in his change of heart. The rumor continues with the notion that Clooney is looking to star in a blockbuster and has thrown his typical Oscar-worthy plots to the wind for now. Lately his movies contain a message laced with topical views.

“It is the third time in three years Clooney has used his star power to make a political statement. In between starring in wonderfully elegant comic capers like Ocean’s 11 (which, with its two sequels, has generated more than $1 billion), Intolerable Cruelty and O Brother, Where Art Thou?, Clooney has driven a series of projects that say something about the excesses and the myopia of the America led and personified by Bush. It is not the America of George Clooney.”

Oooo…I sense a heated political debate ensuing. Clooney is notoriously opinionated and has an political intelligence that is rare. But I say go for it George. Everyone could use a good dose of mindless entertainment amidst the problems of the real world.

Picture note by Celebitchy: Clooney is shown on the set of Burn After Reading on 10/25/07, thanks to SplashNews.

You are either a Leno fan or a Letterman fan, but everyone seems to love Conan. (At least in the land of Cara anyway.) Jay was rumored to be hesitant to hand over the reigns to a successor. However, NBC has made a statement regarding the host status of “The Tonight Show.”

“Conan O’Brien will take over `The Tonight Show’ in 2009,” NBC Universal President and CEO Jeff Zucker said Monday in New York at an event arranged by Syracuse University’s S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications. Zucker said he’d like Leno to remain with the company and that “we are in those conversations now. I’m hopeful that Jay will be with us.”

[Associated Press]

Jay has been sitting in the host chair for 15 years. Conan O’Brien was set over 3 years ago to take over for Leno. He has also stated that he is perfectly ok with leaving, but as the clock ticks his attachment to the show keeps him wanting more. Johnny Carson was 74 when he stepped down and Leno will be 59 in his 2009 departure. The air of Jay being pushed out rather than bowing out was addressed in the LA Times and through other various media outlets.

“Apparently because O’Brien, 44, has a younger audience than Leno, 57. Younger is always better in television, although CBS is evidently not as concerned about the age of its late-night host. David Letterman, 60, has a deal with that network through 2010. Maybe the Peacock Network just wants someone with a longer-term future, so this is where you get off, Jay.”

Then the CNN rumor reared its head in the debate. Word on the street is that the news based network wants Leno to replace Larry King. Contractually speaking, Leno is to remain off the air for at least six months.

It’s all very reminiscent of the Johnny Carson replacement issues NBC had last time over the show. Either way, I wish the best for Jay. But I can’t wait for Conan to get his red head on “The Tonight Show.” That man is over 6 ’4” of walking funny in a suit.

When the story came out about Kid Rock getting caught up in a fight between members of his entourage and a guy harassing them at a Waffle House in Atlanta, it sounded like he was just at the wrong place with the wrong people at the wrong time or something. Despite Rock’s history of being an abusive bully who is all too willing to come to blows over any perceived argument, I honestly thought he wasn’t that involved in the fight. It turns out that I was wrong, according to at least one witness who says that Rock started the fight when a guy annoyed him off by talking smack to a woman he was with. Just like with Tommy Lee at the VMAs, it was Rock who threw the first punch:

After a performance at a club called The Tabernacle, Kid and his buddies strolled into the breakfast eatery in Atlanta’s Buckhead neighborhood at 5 a.m. on Oct. 21, when restaurant patron Harlen DeJon Akins made a comment to a female member of the group.

Kid, 36, argued with Akins, 39, and before long the rocker was throwing punches. But Kid was on the losing end of the brawl - and he would have been pummeled if his buddies hadn’t jumped in to save him, say eyewitnesses.

“Kid started the whole thing,” one witness told The Enquirer. “He threw the first punch and kept swinging, but Akins was whipping him bad until Rock’s buddies piled in.”

[From The National Enquirer, print edition, November 5, 2007]

It sounded like the witness may have been biased toward the other side, though, as they are quoted as saying that he was a “wussy” and “a little punk” and that “if his buddies hadn’t saved him, Akins would have wiped the floor with him.”

It’s true that Rock did start the fight, no matter how biased the Enquirer’s source may be. They say that a police spokeswoman confirmed that Rock threw the first punch. The guy Rock was fighting with may be charged with second degree criminal damage, which is a felony, for breaking the window of the restaurant during the fight.

Meanwhile Kid Rock has caught a break for his fight with Tommy Lee at the VMAs. Cops have decided not to charge him with battery, and Tommy Lee may have had something to do with it. He requested that no charges were brought against Rock. TMZ notes that he could still be charged with misdemeanor battery for the Waffle House beat-down.

Kid Rock is shown performing on 10/18/07. Thanks to PRPhotos.

Hollywood stars have long been known for throwing their support behind politicians. It can be helpful or hurtful, depending on the celebrity in question. Brad Pitt, who has become much more politically and socially active in the last few years, has followed many of his celebrity peers and thrown his support behind Barack Obama – even offering to campaign for him. Unfortunately it seems the Obama campaign doesn’t really have any use – or any need – for Pitt, and has politely declined his offer.

Would Brad Pitt be a liability for Barack Obama? When the socially conscious star offered to help the Democratic contender’s presidential campaign, he was turned down, our sources report. The overture was made through intermediaries, and it’s not known whether the Illinois senator was even aware of Pitt’s offer to make appearances on his behalf.

Obama’s advisers felt Pitt was “a great guy,” said a knowledgeable source, but they didn’t want their candidate - who already has the endorsements of Pitt pals George Clooney and Matt Damon - to appear to be “too Hollywood.” What’s more, as politically correct as Pitt’s partner, Angelina Jolie, is now, the source ruminated that it might be hard for some Americans to forget that she used to wear a vial of blood around her neck. Pitt’s spokeswoman told us, “I double-checked with Brad, and he has no affiliation with a candidate at this time.”

[From the New York Daily News]

It makes sense that Obama wouldn’t want too many celebrities tooting his horn – and he has plenty of them on board already (besides Clooney and Damon). Politics are all about strategy, and it’s imperative that Obama come off as just as intelligent and serious as Clinton. Too much Hollywood and he might appear comparatively “fluffy.” Plus as great as Angelina is, she could be a major political liability, opening up anyone associated with her to unsavory digs.

George Clooney says that while he was a bit surprised that Obama’s campaign wasn’t interested in Pitt, it did make sense.

When we ran it by Clooney, he said: “That would surprise me” - and yet, he understood. “I saw it with my father’s campaign for Congress in 2004,” Clooney said of his dad, Nick. “Being a celebrity can actually be a liability.”

Damon echoed Clooney’s sentiments when he told us: “I’m supporting Obama, and I thought George [Clooney] said it really well when he spoke to the senator. He said, ‘I’ll support you in any way I can, including staying at home and shutting my mouth.’ “I’d like to help him - I think he’s a wonderful man and would be a great leader, and I’d reiterate what George says: I’ll help him in any way I can, including getting out of the way.”

[From the New York Daily News]

I like that idea that the most helpful thing sometimes is just to get out of the way. It shows there’s no ego involved. Something tells me that as the primaries get closer, Obama may become a bit more interested in Pitt – at least if his poll numbers keep sliding.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Barak Obama campaigning in Miami recently. Image thanks to PR Photos.

Jessica Seinfeld wrote a book called “Deceptively Delicious” about sneaking vegetables into your kids’ food. It’s pretty popular, she got a special on Oprah, and more kids are eating butternut squash mac and cheese as a result. Unfortunately, another lady named Missy Chase Lepine wrote pretty much the same book, called “The Sneaky Chef,” a few months before Jessica Seinfeld, and now Seinfeld is being accused of plagiarism. Though she denies the charges, it seems like there’s a pretty strong case against her: some of the recipes and phrasing are nearly identical. Celebitchy wrote a great article comparing the two books.

Well Jerry Seinfeld seemed to think it was a good idea to brand Lepine a “whacko.” Even if Jessica Seinfeld is totally innocent and never saw the other book, Lepine is certainly not a whacko for noting the remarkable similarity between the two. But Seinfeld seems to think it’s a good idea to slander other people who I’m guessing are already feeling pretty litigious.

Jerry Seinfeld turned his wife’s recent cookbook controversy into a comedy bit Monday night, telling David Letterman he and Jessica Seinfeld are paying no mind to the “wackos.”

“One of the fun facts of celebrity life is that wackos will wait in the woodwork to pop out at certain moments to inject a little adrenaline,” he said on CBS’s Late Show Monday night.

The former Must-See star, 53, who was on the show to promote his Bee Movie, couldn’t help but chime in on what he’s dubbed the “vegetable plagiarism” controversy surrounding his wife Jessica’s best-seller Deceptively Delicious – namely, claims that some of the recipes weren’t hers.

“If you’re any good as a woodwork wacko, you’re patient. You pick your moment and then you spring out and go wacko,” Seinfeld told Letterman. “There’s another woman who had another cookbook. And it was a similar kind of thing. My wife never saw the book, read the book, never used the book. But the books came out at the same time. So this woman says ‘I sense this could be wacko moment,’ so she comes out and accuses my wife.

[From People]

I’ve pretty much decided that Jerry Seinfeld is a jerk. I was neutral before, then the whole “defending Scientology” thing made me edge a little towards dislike. Being married to a plagiarizer didn’t help things but her actions weren’t his fault. But calling a totally innocent person a whacko because your wife seems to have stolen her stuff pretty much makes you a jerk. I’d make a “Jerk store” joke, but it’d only be funny if you watched “Seinfeld.” Actually it wasn’t even funny then. So he’s pretty much just an ass.

Picture note by Jaybird: Header image of Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld at the “Bee Movie” Los Angeles Premiere on October 28th. Image thanks to PR Photos.

It’s admirable when celebrities talk about their struggles with emotional, physical, and mental illnesses. They’re problems that make most people feel completely isolated and judged, and talking about them lets the rest of us know that everyone has issues, and there’s no reason to be ashamed. I always appreciate people that are honest about their imperfections instead of acting lofty.

“House” actor Hugh Laurie made some headlines (yeah I can’t believe this made headlines either, but whatever) on Thursday when he jetted from the set of “House” to go home to England, saying he had to deal with some family issues. Apparently Laurie has been battling depression for years, and misses his family. It also sounds like he deals with some anxiety issues as well.

British actor Hugh Laurie returned to work Monday after taking a sudden trip home to his native England for undisclosed family issues. On October 25, Laurie, 48, told producers he had to leave the L.A. set, promptly hopping on an afternoon flight to London, where his wife, Jo, and their three children, Charlie, Bill and Rebecca, reside. At the time, a show rep said that “Hugh had family obligations in England to attend to, but production is continuing in his absence.”

But in a revealing interview in Sunday’s Sydney Daily Telegraph, the Emmy-nominated star — who recently became one of the highest paid actors on TV, earning more than $300,000 an episode — admitted he is battling “mild depression” and continues to see a therapist periodically.

Not only does he miss his family (Laurie maintains a home in L.A., while they live in London), but he also said he was “drained” by the show’s overnight success and the 14-hour, five-days-a-week demands of the job. “I’m always thinking about the show,” he told the paper. “I’m too neurotic and too anal and too convinced that we’re going to fail to relax. Every show we do, every scene we shoot, is a disaster, I’m convinced of it. “I go home at the end of the day and my head is full of all the mistakes I’ve made. “I beat myself up about what I’ve stuffed up the day before,” he added. “I’m looking for things to go wrong. I’m not rejoicing or lying back and enjoying it.”

[From Us Weekly]

That makes me really sad to hear, but I think it’s great that Laurie is honest in saying that he has some issues to deal with. Pretty much everyone battles some sort of depression at one point in their life. Taking the stigma off it can only be a good thing. Hugh also admitted to having an affair with actress Audrey Cooke in 1997, and said it was related to his depression. It’s a little unclear from his phrasing if he means he had an affair because he was depressed, or he became depressed due to guilt over having the affair. Either way, his home life seems fairly stable now, and he clearly loves and misses his family. Hopefully he’ll do what he needs to be well.

Fergie gets crimped [DListed]
Jay Z’s Scarf Swag [Bossip]
Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead review [Pajiba]
Madonna and Tupac? WTF? [Celebslam]
Lindsay Lohan Pulls Out of more contractual obligations [Yeeeah!]
David Beckham On The Cover Of Arena Magazine [I'm Not Obsessed]
Alessandra Ambrosio @ VS Phi Beta PINK Party [The Bastardly]
Mad Money with Katie Holmes Trailer [In Case You Didn't Know]
Hayden Panettiere is a little lacking in the dignity department (Site NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]
The Spice Girls will wear Lingerie for Victoria’s Secret [Hollywood Rag]
Pete Wentz is a Fall Out Broken Boy [Seriously? OMG! WTF?]
Sienna Miller Is Feeling Frisky [Agent Bedhead]
Vince Vaughn did it for the presents [The Blemish]
Kelly Osbourne’s Boobs Get Into Mischief [Cityrag]
Random Celeb Photos [Crazy Days and Nights]
Would Jessica Simpson and Owen Wilson Make a Cute Couple? [Popsugar]
Paris Hilton Likes Trashy Lingerie [The Grumpiest]
Alicia Witt is Going on Safari [Evil Beet]
Eva Longoria at LAX [Gabsmash]
Dita Von Teese at the Louis Vuitton Gala/Murakami exhibition [CelebWarship]
Remember Amy Fisher? Well now she’s got a sex tape too. Too bad, because she was so classy. [I Don't Like You In That Way]
Brooke Shields, Nicole Richie Face Jealous, Angry Children [Glitterati Gossip]
Spice Mamas Arrive At LAX [Celebrity Baby Scoop]
Nip/Tuck season 5 premieres tonight [Popbytes]
Joaquin Phoenix Doesn’t Like It When You Call Him a Puppy Dog [A Socialite's Life]
Cate Blanchett - “ID” Magazine Cover Girl [Just Jared]
Elizabeth Hurley Bikini Pictures [Egotastic!]
Rosie O’Donnell and Martha Stewart dress for Halloween [Lifeline Live]
The Office Convention: Interviewing the Office Cast [Best Week Ever]

Never let it be said that smarties can’t do dumb things too. Brooke Shields, generally considered one of the smarter, more level-headed actresses in Hollywood, managed to crash into her own house. Apparently wearing sex kitten shoes can be bad for your safety when they get wedged under your pedal while driving. That makes me feel better, the worst thing I’ve ever run over a tricycle. No children were harmed… maybe emotionally. But physically they were all fine.

Brooke Shields says she accidentally remodeled her house – by crashing into it.

“I really did drive into my house. I was wearing these fabulous sort of kick-ass platform patent leather [heels],” Shields said of her incident. “I was meeting the team at [her upcoming, midseason TV show] Lipstick Jungle [and] I was all sexed out.”

Letting out a laugh, she added, “I slowed down to what I thought was a proper speed. … I went to go put my foot on the brake, and I couldn’t get my foot off the gas because the wedge was completely wedged under.”

Then came the tricky moment: “I slammed on what I thought was the brake, and it actually was the gas!” A pillar ended up damaged. “I was fine,” says Shields. “The pillar, of course, was removed – at which point I was like, we didn’t really need that, that’s just in the way.”

[From People]

I am completely opposed to high heels for about 10 reasons. The first one being that I can’t walk in them, thus no one should. But I think running into houses is a really good second reason. Wearing heels can kill. Plus they’re bad for your spine. So I think it’s safe to surmise that high heels are deadly.

In other Brooke Shields news, it was announced today that she will continue to be the spokeswoman for Tupperware’s “Chain of Confidence” campaign. It focuses on honoring women around the world, and bringing attention to the positive affect they can have on each other. Sounds awesome, and totally vague. I’m also not sure what Tupperware has to do with it all, except some good publicity.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Brooke at the VIVA LA CURE, Benefit on October 17th. Image thanks to PR Photos.

I wish I were a celebrity. If I were, I could drive around drunk and get in a little trouble the first time, but not so much the second time. I could be told I have to wear an alcohol monitoring device around my ankle, but I could take it off early because I didn’t like it. And I could afford fancy lawyers and doctors to say it was medically necessary to take it off… because being annoyed is a medical problem. To be fair, Tracy Morgan is kind of a minor celebrity, but he’s big enough to be able to afford to ignore judges and cops and laws and such. After he got 2 DUIs within about six month of each other – one in Los Angeles and one in New York City – Morgan was forced to go to rehab, do community service, and attend AA meetings. Pretty standard issue. He also had to wear a SCRAM anklet – you know, that alcohol monitoring device that Lindsay Lohan voluntarily sported six months ago to show the world how sober she was… before she went to rehab a few more times. Well apparently the SCRAM bracelet didn’t agree with Tracy Morgan, and he decided to go ahead and take it off early. That got him in a bit of hot water with the judge, who was going to make him keep it on even longer after he admitted to drinking alcohol over the summer – until Morgan produced photographic evidence along with doctors’ reports saying that it was medically necessary for him to take it off – and the judge agreed!

Tracy Morgan has made peace with his prosecutors. A Los Angeles judge ruled Tuesday that the 30 Rock funnyman has completed the terms of his DUI-related probation and will not be punished for taking off his alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet a wee bit early, the L.A. City Attorney’s Office confirmed to E! Online.

Morgan, who on Sept. 18 was ordered to keep his Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitoring device on for another 80 days after he copped to imbibing booze over the summer, claimed in court last week that he took the accessory off early due to “medical issues.”

After reviewing several letters from doctors and one from the company that manufactures SCRAM bracelets, as well as a handful of photos depicting the nature of the undisclosed medical condition, the judge concluded that Morgan had a valid reason to untether himself before the court-ordered end date.

According to Morgan’s attorney, Blair Berk, Morgan has voluntarily been taking daily breath or blood tests to prove that he’s staying on the wagon. No further court appearances on his case are scheduled, said City Attorney’s Office spokesman Frank Mateljan.

[From E! News]

Boy I would really like to know what “medical issue” arose from this bracelet that was so terrible a judge let Morgan take it off. Last time I checked, the bracelet wasn’t made out of rabid pack of angry bees that sting you at random to check the level of alcohol in your blood. Because I know SCRAM considered this bumble-based technology and quickly ditched it. So if the problem is anything less than bees, I really can’t figure out how it could possibly be so bad that a judge agreed to let the guy take it off. Unless the judge was actually paid off by the bee industry. Wait, that would make no sense. But so does taking a bracelet off for “medical reasons.” So I’m pretty sure it must be bee related after all.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Tracy Morgan at the 2007 VH1 Hip Hop Honors on October 4th. Image thanks to PR Photos.