You know how celebrities are always doing dumb things that the rest of us just can’t fathom? There’s the drunken wedding in Vegas, or the guy who marries the girl to hide the fact that he’s gay, or the stupid things they’ll do for free stuff. .. well Lance Bass did all of those things in one night. Turns out somewhere back in ’99 or 2000 (he’s understandably a little fuzzy on the details) Lance and a female friend he won’t name tied the knot in Vegas to get free booze. He doesn’t tell us what happened with it – we’ll assume it’s been annulled – but it’s an amusing little anecdote none the less. And really the guy from Nsync can’t afford his own booze? Really?

Of all the members of ‘N Sync, who would have guessed that Lance Bass was the first to take the marital plunge? But the former boy-bander has revealed exclusively to E! News that back in “like, ‘99, 2000,” owing to “one of those crazy moments,” he tied the knot with a girlfriend after a wild night in Sin City. “People do stupid things in the heat of the moment. I’ve been in Vegas where I’ve gotten married for, like, five minutes,” he said. “No one talks about that though.”

Bass, who announced his homosexuality to much fanfare last year, declined to name his his former missus, only IDing his bride as “just a friend of mine. You know it was one of those crazy moments where you’re with a friend and you’re like ‘Hey, wouldn’t it be fun if we did this?’ and that’s all that happened. It’s the Vegas thing to do.” He said that his decision to swap vows was simply the means to an end—that end being to snag some comp’d booze.

“In fact, the only reason we did it is because we wanted to get free drinks all night. And we didn’t get one. We’re like, ‘We just got married!’ They’re like, ‘Ah. Whatever.’ ” Bass declined to go into details about when or how the marriage ended (we’re guessing an equally quick annulment), but he did say that the nano-nuptials didn’t sour his relationship with the former Mrs. Bass “We’re friends,” he said. “It’s great.”

[From E! News]

I wonder if it was a famous friend. I wonder if she knew he was gay? Most importantly, I wonder if she thought he was an exceptional cheapskate to be willing to get married just for free booze? I’m guessing that the wedding/annulment probably canceled out any booze profits. I’m constantly amazed at how much alcohol factors into weddings and marriage. Far too many people go to weddings just for the open bar. Far too many people get married because they’re drunk. And far too many people take to drinking when the wedding and/or marriage is over. But I haven’t heard of many people getting married to get free drinks. Congrats, Lance, Stay classy.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Lance at a signing for his new book, “Out of Sync” at Borders Books in Chicago on Monday. Images thanks to PR Photos.

Chloe Sevigny Or Chrissy Crocker? It’s pretty hard to tell [Dlisted]
Jennifer Hudson’s quote of the day [Bossip]
Incredibly frightening Melissa Joan Hart pics [Celebslam]
Jennifer Lopez Flops Bigtime [Yeeeah!]
Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty are set to do a duet tonight [I’m Not Obsessed]
Hayden Panettiere Stretches! Yes apparently we do need photos of that [The Bastardly]
Kimberley Stewart in Loaded Magazine [In Case You Didn’t Know]
Stacy Keibler’s Halloween costume (Site NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]
Coco and Ice-T might have the tackiest Halloween costumes [Hollywood Rag]
The Police dressed up for their Halloween gig [Seriously? OMG!
WTF?]
Danille Lloyd has an awesome costume [The Blemish]
David Spade got Dissed [CityRag]
Europe MTV Award Arrivals photos [Crazy Days and Nights]
Heidi Klum’s Very Catty Halloween Party [Popsugar]
Isabeli Fontana Bikini Pictures [The Grumpiest]
Jessica Alba is a Nevernude… oh man that makes me happy [CelebNewsWire]
Ellen’s on Team Britney [Evil Beet]
Jen Aniston and the Poltergeist [Gabsmash]
Who knew ‘Slutty Cat’ was an Actual Costume? [CelebWarship]
More Heidi Klum Loves Halloween pics [I Don’t Like You In That Way]
Arrests, Convictions, And Proven Non-Crimes With La Lohan, Da Brat, and Don Vito. [Glitterati Gossip]
Mark Ruffalo & Wife Welcome a Baby Girl [Celebrity Baby Scoop]
More Rachel Ray drama [Popbytes]
Sting Changes His Mind and Tells Roxanne to Turn On The Red Light [A Socialite’s Life]
Posh @ The Ellen Show [Just Jared]
Hilary Duff’s Breasts Look A Lot Bigger in FHM [Egotastic!]
Don Imus to be back on air Dec. 3 [Lifeline Live]
One More Reason to Adore Kyle McLaughlin [Best Week Ever]

Lindsay Lohan’s new minders must be a hell of a lot less sycophantic than the last bunch. Apparently they’ve gone around to a bunch of her old haunts and told the servers not to give her alcohol – no matter how much Lohan asks. One would hope that if she were really serious about her sobriety, she wouldn’t be hanging out at those types of places in the first place. But that’s the conundrum that is Lindsay Lohan. Why be totally safe and sober when you can just act like you are?

Lindsay Lohan’s aides are going out of their way to make sure the actress/singer stays sober after spending much of the summer in rehab, they’ve told staff at all her old hangouts not to let her drink alcohol. The Mean Girls star found this out for herself when she tried to order vodka at Los Angeles’ Viceroy hotel on October 19.

A staff member at the hotel reveals Lohan spent an hour sipping water, but felt the need for something stronger as her friends started to get tipsy. A source tells Life & Style magazine, “She was fine at first, but it was obviously too soon for her to be around people who were drinking, because she later asked the server for a vodka. “But her people had called ahead and servers were told not to give in no matter how often Lindsay asked for alcohol.”

Despite denials about the incident from Lohan’s publicist, a guest at the Viceroy, who overheard the exchange between the actress and a waitress, tells the publication, “I heard the waitress say that she was sorry but she wasn’t allowed to serve her. Lindsay walked out soon after, looking embarrassed.”

[From ABC affiliate WWTI]

I’m genuinely surprised Lohan would try to order a drink. I’m not being sarcastic this time: everyone on the planet knows she’s been in rehab a billion times (or three, which is about the same thing). She would have to know that ordering a drink in public right now is tantamount to calling the National Enquirer herself. And though I know she’s pretty stupid, she’s dumber than I thought to put herself in a position of such temptation. Clearly she’s not serious about her sobriety. Not that I thought she was, but I assumed she’d at least try to keep up the façade for a bit longer. Should we start a Celebitchy betting pool for dates when Lindsay will be seen publicly intoxicated and/or committing some type of illegal act while under the influence? I’m betting $25 on the day after Thanksgiving.

Picture note by Jaybird: Here’s Lindsay Lohan returning to her favorite pizza restaurant on the second day in a row today. Lindsay was also wearing a necklace of handcuffs with the key. Images thanks to Splash Photos.

There are bad ideas and then there are terrible ideas. A bad idea is something along the lines of “Hey, let’s pack this bathtub with hot dogs and then fill it up with really hot water and see if we can cook them.” A really bad idea (though equally stupid) is something along the lines of “Let’s get the two most drugged up and unreliable musicians on the scene today, and put them on a stage together.” After sitting around asking themselves, “What’s the stupidest thing we could do?” MTV execs have decided to go with the later, and have decided to have not just Pete Doherty but also Amy Winehouse perform at the MTV Europe Music Awards. Though to be fair, it’s likely that Pete Doherty has filled his bathtub to the brim with hot dogs at least once.

Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty are being lined up to duet at the MTV Europe Music Awards tonight. The pair are already booked to perform solo performances at the bash in Munich, but Pete, 28, wants to share the stage with his North London neighbour. First Babyshambles are expected to sing single Delivery, while Amy - who is nominated for 3 gongs - is keeping her choice of solo number under wraps. Can’t wait to see what they choose to belt out together

‘It’s been a closely-guarded secret and may still fall apart at the last minute,’ a source tells the Daily Mirror. ‘This duet could be a blinding success or an unmitigated disaster if they’ve been on the booze or any dodgy substances.’

Pete, who says he’s been clean since leaving rehab, is now dating a blonde stylist called Becky, 28, after splitting with fiancée Irina Lazareanu. Amy, 24, of course, is still loved up with husband Blake Fielder-Civil. At a gig in Amersterdam last week, she kept leaving the stage to snog her spouse.

[From Now Magazine]

I’m guessing the stage will somehow end up on fire – and not in the cool, planned pyrotechnics kind of way. Somehow, Amy will end up running around in bloody ballet shoes while Pete feeds crack to a kitten. That’d be funny if those weren’t both things the two have actually done lately. Though if nothing else, I’m sure they can trade recipes. You know, how to make the best pot brownies, where’s the best place to inject a needle that even a doctor won’t suspect. That sort of thing. I’m sure we’ll have a wonderful story to report tomorrow… hopefully with video.

Celebrities like to bitch and moan a lot about the high price of fame. They insist on doing this, even though I’m sure there well –aware that it doesn’t exactly ingratiate them to their public. But I’m sure there are some legitimate costs of fame, and not just in terms of losing your privacy and dealing with the paparazzi. You always have to worry about hangers-on and yes men, people who are just your friends because of your money and what you can do for them. British singer Robbie Williams learned that recently, after two of his friends bilked him out of $400,000.

“Robbie Williams who moved to Los Angeles five years ago - loaned two pals money to set up a fashion label in New York but was furious to discover they spent the cash on partying instead. A source said: “At best Robbie was being used, at worst he was being conned. These so-called friends have preyed on his hospitality and good nature.” Robbie, who formed US-based soccer team LA Vale FC in the hope of making new friends, has been urged to disband the team and ditch many of the hangers-on who are frequent visitors to his Beverly Hills mansion.

The source added to Britain’s Daily Mirror newspaper: “It was as if the penny had finally dropped and Robbie realized he was being taken for a ride. There was a screaming row between him and several people last weekend. He accused them all of taking advantage. He ordered them all out of his house and told them not to come back. But it was when he disbanded the team that everyone became convinced he meant business. It was very much his pride and joy.”

Earlier this month, Robbie revealed he had formed the soccer team so he could feel part of a “gang.” He said: “I’ve always wanted to be a member of a gang, so I bought myself one. I’ve been fortunate because we’ve been together for quite a while now.” “There are no nails sticking out that need hammering down. They’re all fond of me, and I’m fond of them.” “My house is quite big and a bit grand, but people like coming over to put their feet up and chill out, which is good for me.”

[From Celebrity Wonder]

It sounds like a pretty bad idea to purposely try to buy yourself friends. Robbie Williams always wanted to be a part of a group of friends, so he bought himself one? Part of me wonders if he really felt like he was entitled to certain behavior from his friends because he bought the “gang.” You could argue it a lot of ways, and he certainly didn’t deserve to get conned out of $400,000. But it seems like a reasonably intelligent person could tell you that it’s not a good idea to try to buy friendship, and it’ll inevitably blow up in your face. Williams used to be known as a bit of a hermit: hopefully he’ll be able to find a happy middle ground between buying friends and living alone in your attic.

TMZ has the video of Paris Hilton in a skeleton costume at that adult video store in Toronto telling befuddled management that she wants the posters advertising her “One Night in Paris” sex tape removed. JayBird reported on this on Monday, and store owners said at the time they were working out deals to sell the footage.

Initial reports just said that Paris demanded that the posters be removed, but TMZ hyped it when they released this clip, saying “Paris goes postal.” It’s more like “Paris gets mildly pissed,” because her flat affect barely registers the ripples from her supposed anger at seeing her face in a porn store. Toward the end of the clip you can hear her yelling “I want it now” from off camera but if you pay attention to how she sounds rather than what she’s saying it’s more like she’s annoyed because someone put turkey on her salad when she asked for chicken.

Here’s what Paris says in the tape below. There are two guys working behind the counter, and while you can hear Paris clearly it’s hard to tell what they’re saying. One of them seems like he’s calling their boss and saying “Paris Hilton, yes that was…”

Paris says clearly and firmly, but without her voice breaking or getting too loud:

You can’t use my image in a porn store
Want me to call my lawyer and sue the shit out of this place if you don’t take them down?

I really want them down, because they’re mean and this is not right. I’m really furious. This is disgusting. And I want the other one, now, or I’m calling the f’ing cops.

[Transcribed from the video available at TMZ]

I kind of admire a girl who can get so angry she rips stuff off the wall without really screaming or breaking a sweat. It seems like not being able to express extreme emotion should be a disadvantage for someone who aspires to some sort of B-movie career, but Paris makes it work. She flits all over the place, showing up at events and openings several times a week, always looking calm and composed. It’s only when she’s really upset that her milktoast voice betrays her. She has to resort to breaking stuff to get her point across, because when Paris said “I’m hurt bad,” it’s hard to tell if she broke a nail or a toe.

Thanks to TMZ for this video of the incident. Paris just kind of wanders around, rooting through her purse and trying to muster up courage until about one minute in.

Header image is thanks to PR Photos.

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes looked like brother and sister at the premiere of Lions for Lambs at the AFI Fest in Hollywood last night. Tom has grown out his Nazi bowl cut while Katie’s short dark bob looks suspiciously similar. Add the matching outfits and they’re like any other couple that ends up looking alike, perhaps intentionally. Katie mercifully wore flats, which made her about even with Tom instead of towering over him like she did at the Berlin premiere of the film.

In terms of Tom and Katie’s home life, Cruise recently gave some statements to the press that show he’s mastered the art of revealing enough to create a news blurb without really giving too much information. He praised his wife’s acting ability and said that they’re good at coordinating schedules. He also admitted he doesn’t get a lot of sleep without complaining about it:

With his first anniversary fast approaching, Cruise said married life was “all very good, all very lovely,” and that he feels “lucky” to be wedded to Holmes, his third wife.

“I have a lot of respect for her as an artist, as a woman,” he said. “She’s a very strong, gracious woman.”

When it comes to juggling his responsibilities as a husband and father with his career as a leading man and studio mogul, Cruise admits that life gets busy.

“Just like everybody else, you just work it out,” he said. “We’ve gotten pretty good at organizing everything. I don’t sleep much anyway.”

[From EOnline]

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt should take note, because Cruise provides enough general information to make it mildly interesting without revealing any weaknesses for tabloids to run with.

Cruise plays a Congressman in Lions for Lambs, which weaves different stories around the fates of two college students fighting in Afghanistan. Lions for Lambs is directed by Robert Redford and is out in the US on November 9. It also stars Michael Peña and Meryl Streep.

Here’s an introduction to the film, told by the young actors.

Thanks to PRPhotos for these pictures. Also shown are Will Smith, Meryl Streep, Robert Redford, Samantha Mathis, and David Beckham. What’s up with Beckham’s outfit? Is it deliberately messy or is he just unable to dress himself when Posh isn’t around?

Joe Francis’ website, MeetJoeFrancis.com compared to Heather Mills’ website, youcare.com

In the comments on JayBird’s post about Heather Mills stupid TV rant on the media, I mentioned that she STFU and just start a website if she wanted to refute the supposedly false statements about her divorce details and shady character made by the British press. Well her sister started a website, and it’s just as confrontational and obnoxious as Mills’ personality. It’s a giant red flash monstrosity that attempts to fight tabloid fire with website fire, and will just blow up in Mills’ expensively-molded face.

Compare the design and wording on Heather Mills’ website to the masterpiece of Joe Francis’ well-designed and overly-narrative website. Francis is charged with using underage women in his Girls Gone Wild videos, with tax evasion, and with smuggling contraband into jail and trying to bribe a guard. The guy has been in jail for months, but he’s smart and he knows how to win over the public. He put out a professional-looking site that states the facts without attacking anyone. It’s too wordy and hard to get through, but he made a sincere effort even though it smacks of suck up like Eddie Haskell in a suit holding a cake.

Heather Mills goes apeshit mad on the Internet, just like in real life. Her website is designed to look like the tabloids that feed her anger, and the wording is characteristically super defensive and obnoxious. Instead of focusing on specific attacks against her, she tries to turn it into this general boycott of The Sun, as if they’re defaming average people instead of just celebrities. She calls the negative articles about her a “Human Rights Violation” in super-big red highlighted text. Even her domain name, youcare.com, makes it seem like everyone should be oh-so-worried about poor liar Heather and her widdle millionaire problems:

Human Rights Violation
There has been such a barrage of libelous articles printed against Heather that it became impossible to take action against every offending article and publication, as to pursue all of these in the courts would have been extremely expensive, emotionally exhausting and impossibly time consuming. This barrage of abuse constituted a human rights violation and has highlighted the need for greater protection of the individual in regards to their privacy in the British Justice System. Without this greater protection it seems our newspapers have become the propaganda machines of the powerful. There are however three outstanding libel actions against British Newspapers by Heather Mills.

[From youcare.com]

Get the fuck over yourself, Heather. If you would just make your skinny ass scarce for a while you could avoid the majority of the negative stories about you. As it is, you seem to get off on seeing your name in print even though it enrages you. If you didn’t have a cause to fight for, though, you would be super bored. That’s why you bait the press because you get off on the negative attention.

Check out some of these characteristics of bullies and see if it doesn’t describe Heather:

is a convincing, practised liar and when called to account, will make up anything spontaneously to fit their needs at that moment

has a Jekyll and Hyde nature - is vile, vicious and vindictive in private, but innocent and charming in front of witnesses; no-one can (or wants to) believe this individual has a vindictive nature - only the current target of the serial bully’s aggression sees both sides; whilst the Jekyll side is described as “charming” and convincing enough to deceive personnel, management and a tribunal, the Hyde side is frequently described as “evil”; Hyde is the real person, Jekyll is an act

excels at deception and should never be underestimated in their capacity to deceive

uses excessive charm and is always plausible and convincing when peers, superiors or others are present (charm can be used to deceive as well as to cover for lack of empathy)

is glib, shallow and superficial with plenty of fine words and lots of form - but there’s no substance

is possessed of an exceptional verbal facility and will outmanoeuvre most people in verbal interaction, especially at times of conflict

is often described as smooth, slippery, slimy, ingratiating, fawning, toadying, obsequious, sycophantic

[From BullyOnline.com]

Of course most of that could also apply to Francis, but he’s smart enough to realize that you can dress it up and hide it on the Internet.

Jennifer Garner made her Broadway debut last night in Cyrano de Bergerac with Kevin Kline. Unlike Julia Roberts’ Broadway debut, Garner was largely positively reviewed, with critics hailing her performance as Roxanne.

Newsday says she “breaks the recent Broadway curse of the Hollywood stars,” and that “she flips comfortably from the comic to the plucky and, finally, to the heroic.” The NY Times also praises both Kline and Garner, calling Garner “by far the most comfortable [on stage]” and lauding her performance and timing. the Canadian press did give the play a mixed review, saying that Garner “finds little nuance in her portrayal of Roxanne.” Considering all the other triumphant reviews, it just sounds like one critic was particularly hard on the play.

Garner says she’s not going to pay attention to the reviews, though, and told People Magazine. “I’m not going to look at [them]. No. I can’t stand it.” She doesn’t have much to worry about though.

Garner’s husband of two years, Ben Affleck, was at the premiere and said he was “really impressed by her courage and her talent.” As are the rest of us.

Thanks to PRPhotos for these pictures of Jennifer, and Splash News for the pictures of Ben.

Well it seemed like a pretty safe bet that the combination of Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty in the same room would either cause spontaneous combustion (probably due to all the flammable alcohol) or make the universe implode. The odds that everything would go off without a hitch seemed pretty slim, given their penchant for drama. But that’s exactly what happened. They were both reported to be well-behaved, though Winehouse seemed a little uninspired. But that’s probably attributable to a wide variety of drugs… and/or withdrawal from a wide variety of drugs. Really, the most troubling part of the evening was that Avril Lavigne won two awards. Not just because her music sucks, but because she’s such an egocentric brat that no one should give her a trophy to encourage her behavior.

Avril Lavigne rocked the MTV Europe Music Awards in Munich Thursday night, winning two of the show’s top prizes – while troubled singer Amy Winehouse surfaced for the event and offered a quiet “thanks.” Lavigne picked up the Most Addictive Track trophy for “Girlfriend,” as well as the Solo Artist of 2007 award – to which the 23-year-old screamed with delight to the packed auditorium: “I am so happy, this is an honor!”

Winehouse won the Artists’ Choice award, the only honor decided by fellow musicians. The singer, who’s appealing her recent pot charge, sheepishly accepted her award with a quiet “thanks” before walking off stage. Later in the evening Winehouse sang her classic “Back to Black,” but audience members noted the soul diva’s lack of energy.

Rapper Snoop Dogg hosted the event, appearing on stage in a selection of outfits including traditional German lederhosen and a kilt. Performers included Mika (despite suffering from strep throat), Lavigne, My Chemical Romance, Babyshambles and the Foo Fighters.

Pete Doherty happily signed autographs for the fans before the show, despite telling reporters he felt “lethargic.” But his performance later in the evening was anything but dreary. The rehabbing singer performed a crowd-pleasing rendition of “Delivery,” reuniting with his band Babyshambles. Earlier in the evening, Doherty denied any pre-show nerves, telling reporters: “It’s second nature, it’s what keeps me going really.”

[From People]

What the hell! How am I supposed to say anything snotty and/or amusing about celebrities when they all behave? Someone, for the love of God, throw a beer bottle at someone else, or just pour it over their head. This is way too tame and grown up for me. Where are Kid Rock and Tommy Lee fighting over Pamela Anderson’s boobs when you need them? I would always expect Europe to outdo America in terms of interesting awards show drama. You have the (aforementioned) two biggest unrepentant drama-loving musical druggies in the UK! Do something with it!

Picture note by Jaybird: I scoured the photo agencies for half an hour trying to find pictures of Snoop in the aforementioned lederhosen, but no luck. Something tells me they’re going to keep those pics tightly under wraps. So here’s Pete Doherty performing with his band Babyshambles at the MTV Europe Music Awards last night. Images thanks to WENN. Header image of Amy Winehouse performing last night at the awards show as well. Images thanks to Splash Photos.